Fantasy Guy | Jonathan Pokluda - Oct 30, 2018

[Music] [Applause] so I got a new car got a new car which warrants a story got it got to tell you the story and so if we don't know each other if you new here that's not normal by the way if you're listening on the podcast the audio so just pulled out in a car and so I have like my hobby what I've done for the longest time is I buy and sell things okay I've always done this and so that's just kind of like some guys crochet some guys watch football do guys crota note no guys crochet okay so I buy and sell things that's my hobby right and so I had this golf cart true story had a golf cart had it on Craigslist and this guy reaches out and said hey I'll trade you for a Toyota Corolla and I'm like golf car for a Toyota Corolla sure I'll take that trade and so then I have the Toyota Corolla and I sell it and so then I take that cash and I'm looking for okay where am I going to put that cash because this is kind of my side hustle right this is my pasture side hustle and so I'm looking for where I'm gonna put that cash I'm looking for looking at different things and I see that and I'm like dude gotta have that right gotta have and and I'm talking to the guy I'm like I can't afford that though right it's not and he gives me the craziest deal like craziest deal that you could ever imagine so here's what I'm feeling I'm like okay my heart has already moved that direction like I gotta have it right and now because of the deal I'm thinking hey I've got a limited time like I gotta lock this up right and the reason I start there is because as we're moving through this fantasy series talking about finding real love in a fake world last week we talked about the fantasy girl at a proverbs 31 tonight we're talking about the fantasy guy I'm talking to the ladies and what I think are the ladies here did they show up do you all want to do that again because last week I'm gonna be honest I think the guys beat you last week did the ladies show up they showed up they showed up ladies here's something that I think you do right I I think you know what you're looking for I said about the guys like I said you guys don't know what you looking for ladies I think you know what you're looking for I think you do okay to your credit I think you know what you're looking for but when you see something that you really like it's all out the window okay like your heart is gone and your you stop looking you stop thinking right you stop thinking with your brain you start thinking with your heart and you ladies are weird like there's this thing about y'all you're not weird I love you guys but here's the deal this is weird about you you're kind of competitive I almost think you're more competitive than guys yeah and so it's like you think I gotta lock him up before anybody can get to them you know like nobody's gonna get this deal you're not I'm saying and so it's just you you start thinking like that like hey I'm gonna okay there and you you begin to think because if I don't go here what if nothing else comes along and you begin to play these mental games so I go to pick up the slingshots what's called slingshot appropriately called the slingshot and so I go to pick up this thing okay and I and the day like day one check engine light comes on and and then Craigslist and then I'm driving and it says brake failure yeah I'm surprised it's still here brake failure I was like praying for you guys in the front row though lord please make it stop so then I go and I'm calling places today okay here's the truth this is not an overstatement there is not a single place in Dallas Texas that works on that not a single place not one okay I eventually after calling seven different dealerships I find they refer me to a place in Irving that will work on it and so then he says he goes here's the deal he goes here's the deal I'm like hey the check engine light came on this break but can you give me an idea of what it's going to be to repair and he goes well it could be ten thousand dollars and I'm like ten thousand dollars like that's more than I pay I can't what are you why are you serious Tinh they could be ten thousand ohms and then he says this he goes you should have brought it in we could have done one of our six-point checks check ups we could have done one of our inspections we'd go through these like six points we could have took I think oh man I'm so sorry that's exactly what I should have why didn't I know that there's this place in Irving that works on slingshot so I could bring it in for a six point checkup you know why what was I thinking buddy that's what I should have done okay and so I say that to you because ladies when your heart goes out the window it's gone I think that you could back up by not just being so moved by the way someone looked so the way someone looks or like some other things that you're attracted to and you can begin to think continue to think with your mind and go through a six point checklist in fact I'm gonna give it to you tonight a six point checklist six things that you can inspect to see if he is God's man we said last week I said my friend Daniel said this that that dating right is assessing the suitability of a possible spouse that's what dating is you're trying to figure out hey are they someone that I can be married to are they someone that I can spend the rest of my life with and this is a very practical very logical thing you can just run through and think through these ideas and so I'm gonna be in first Timothy chapter three to talk about what you are looking for but before I do I want you to know we did a little bit of research for this message we went to the State Fair of Texas and we asked ladies what they were looking for all right and so this is what they said watch this hey guys Josh and Elena out here at the State Fair and we're here trying to figure out how people navigate life love relationships dating their dream guy their dream girl let's figure it out describe to me your dream guy probably like a nerd I love nerds they have to be like into like anime and comic books and sexy he's rich honest and he's sweet like a doll you know how like if a dog sees somebody that they don't know like they're really mean yeah but they're really boil too there huh yeah I want him to be like my dog interesting and driven but I don't know it's also funny and like has the same long-term goals there's not a dream guys like looks-wise or just like you have to have a good heart that's number one my dream look guy is not actually the guy I'm gonna marry not that I don't think my fiancee is attractive I do what do you mean by rich oh let's say like five million and up he doesn't have to have five million yeah but I mean you know enough to become comfortable you know like a job and income I guess we got some work to do that's called job security right there young adult ministry job security right okay ladies here's the deal here's what I want you to know us guys we are really good about getting your heart involved so that you're not thinking with your mind we're pros at it okay I'm letting you in to see you guys I'm sorry to let this out right up top I know some of you're like why are you telling them are you telling them meant you got to know ladies okay I have to as a pastor I got to let you know that we are pros we've been training since the fifth grade about how to get your heart involved so that you're not thinking with your mind you're not you're not asking questions like well is he committed does he have integrity is he surrendered to the Word of God does he does he focus on these things we don't want you asking those okay we just want to say whatever we need to say we might sing do you wrote write poetry we'll do crazy stupid things just so that you're not thinking with your mind so that you're thinking with your heart so that you know you like us because we want to be liked just like you guys want to be liked the guys that are pursuing you and want your attention they also want to be liked and so I really my heart tonight is I really want to help you because I it's hard for me to have the same conversation over and over and over where you're here and you're meeting with one of my female counterparts up here at watermarking and you're crying your mascaras I'll run down your face and and you're saying but everybody thought it was a good guy and I see it all the time like just in case I risk some of you thinking I'm talking about you I'm not I'm talking about hundreds of you but everyone thought he was a good my everybody thought he was a good guy and I hate that I really do and so my heart is to help you find out early on before your heart gets engaged if he is God's man because your method it's not working I'm gonna give you some stats these stats are not your fault you need to know that upfront but I think I can help you avoid them nearly half 43 percent of all college women report having experienced either abuse or controlling behaviors in a dating relationship nearly half forty five point four percent of female rape victims were raped by an intimate partner that's a high number intimate partner violence accounts for 15% of all violent crimes one in four women have been victims of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime and that is some serious stats and and just that that you would potentially be in a relationship with a guy who might hurt you that's something we have to address again it's not your fault not your fault at all but I think as we dive into the word of God I think he can help us and then he can he can help you where the next guy that you would go on a second date with would be your forever guy the one that you're gonna spend forever with I think we can get there tonight so I'm gonna give you a 6 point checklist 6 things to inspect this chapter first Timah 3 3 this is the chapter of what God says this is what I want the leader of my bride to look like so this is a chapter on elders when you hear the word elder it doesn't mean like old person it means church leader pastor and Shepherd it's the same word in the Greek that's used when you hear the word elder don't think like elderly think wise leader of the church and so this is a great list for you to look at we're gonna boil it down to six things it's a lot of things though it's very circular he repeats himself different ideas different words that mean the same thing so we're gonna boil it down to six things to look at but I'm just gonna read this to you upfront this is what God says hey if someone's gonna lead my bride which is the church if you're new to the church God calls his bride Jesus's bride the church if someone's gonna lead my bride this is the character traits that they need to have so listen carefully here's a trustworthy saying whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble task men if you're here in your mail if you're listening in your mail right you should desire to be an elder that's a noble task you want to meet these qualifications now the overseer or the elder or the pastor or the Shepherd is to be above reproach faithful to his wife temperate self-controlled respectable hospitable able to teach not given a drunkenness not violent but gentle not quarrelsome not a lover of money he must manage his own family well and see that his children obey Him and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect if anyone does not know how to manage his own family how can he take care of God's church jesus's bride if he can't take care of his own bride how can you take care of jesus's bride he must not be a recent convert or he may be becomes conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil he must also have a good reputation with outsiders so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil's trap so let's take that long list of things and let's boil it down to six things that you can inspect and a potential husband all right the first one you can inspect his commitments number one inspect his commitments what's he committed to what does he give his life to it's okay like if he loves his alma mater or he loves the Cowboys that's fine that's great that he's a Cowboys fan if he loves the Cowboys more than he loves anything that's going to be problematic right and so also what are the commitments that he's made and kept is he committed to his church after all we're talking about church leadership here is he under the authority of the elders like this is not mind blowing stuff it's very simple things to inspect the bar is not that high hey I want a guy number one who is under the authority of elders he's a member of a local body that is basic 101 that's gonna save you a lot of hurt and heartache is he committed to a community group a small group can't tell you something my guys that I meet with every Friday they are the biggest blessing to my wife she would tell you like they are a layer of protection between her and my flesh they are a safety net they are a number that she can call and say hey will you pray for JP in this way will you check in here hey here's an area where we disagree one of the most loving things that she can do for me is tell on me to those guys she has absolute freedom I told her over and over hey you reach out to those guys anytime if you see me out of bounds or doing something foolish please bring them in and so is he committed to community every week every Tuesday night we try to help you hey there's a room over here there's a room over here guys go here girls go here if you're looking for community how many times have you heard that and not responded is he committed to the covenant of marriage it says in verse 2 now the overseer is to be above reproach faithful to his wife is he committed to the covenant of marriage like does he believe that marriage is a covenant that that sex is reserved for marriage that it's a very important it's meant more than a commitment to God it's a covenant before God I get to do weddings monic and I get to do premarital counseling and when you are at your wedding you're gonna say some crazy things to each other okay people say for richer or poorer in sickness and in health and to death do us part and so I asked this question and it's always a little bit awkward I just say hey let me ask you a question is there anything that you would leave her for no-nothing I love her or nothing nothing could cause me to question my love for her anything no okay if she cheats on you repeatedly with your best friend you still in on this commitment this till death do us part well she would never do that I know I know you she's a good person well here's what I believe about people the heart is wicked and deceitful they're sinners we're capable of all sorts of evil and so as I'm gonna stand before God and and join in this promise with you guys I'm asking what are you gonna leave her for okay cuz I need to know that I don't want you to say until death do us part unless you mean it like if you thinking no no no if she cheats on me repeatedly with my best friend and won't stop like I get an out we're cool that's great that you think that let's just write that in the vows for richer poorer sickness and health until death do us part unless she cheats on me repeatedly with my best friend okay I'm just gonna write that in there so we keep it honest okay we got to keep it honest right let's say what we mean and mean what we say because it's a really serious commitment that's why I say that it's a really serious commitment and so let's not promise it unless we mean it people email me all the time and you know girls will write in and they'll say you know my boyfriend cheated on me what do I do I mean let me answer that okay man survey not gonna let me answer no one ever does no one's ever responded like oh I love that answer it's so helpful you break up that's what you do you say well where's the grace in that you show grace when they're married okay you're not married that's the gonna remember what dating is you're assessing if they're a suitable spouse and if they're cheating on you they're saying something this a because what I'm not a suitable spouse I'm not marriage material I like to cheat I maybe was at one time I drank too much we were on a break I don't know okay but but I would take that as a red flag like like ladies I don't know man I hate this for you I don't know all like you don't understand the princess that you are shoot owners like I don't think you were ever like oh he broke it he cheated on me I just don't know what to do like I can tell you what to do like let him go you know don't don't even date guys that might cheat on you like if that's in the realm of the possibility they're not marriage material God is telling you something very lovingly and so often the reason that you don't want to is because you feel guilty because you know he's already been cheating on his wife with you what I mean his wife is not the one he's met yet but the one that he will marry what I mean is you guys have been physical and so a lot of times you feel stuck and trapped and I don't know why ladies you feel bad like well he needs to experience release so I understand and you like extend grace that's always a little tip odd to me right he can make war on your behalf or he can marry you so another thing to check Sixpoint checklist is his humility check his humility they says he must not be a recent convert or he may become conceited which is the opposite of humility and fall under the same judgment as the devil here's what that means fall into the same judgment as the devil Lucifer or Satan or the devil all the same okay he was an angel he was with God it says the most beautiful angel in the scripture and he was made he's a created being to reflect God's glory but one day he said hey I don't want to worship you as God I want to be like God and God said hey you want it you think you can be like me then you go down there to that planet Earth alright and you will run this cosmic experience experiment let's see how good of a God you are and so it says in the scripture he's the Prince of this air he's the ruler of this world we kind of live in this cosmic supernatural experiment are we gonna follow the ways of Satan are we gonna follow the ways of God and Satan and God says Satan was conceited that's why he did and so you don't want to date a guy who's like Satan or who is conceited is he a here I am guy or is he ain't there you are guy what I mean by that is he about himself thinking about himself or when he engages with your family and your friends is he like Oh tell me about it so where are you from that's so interesting like whoever drives that there a Here I am guy okay then before you judge me it's for sale or a high so even if one of you are here I am guy I got you alright and so right you don't want to hear I am a you wanna oh there you are guy let me turn my attention to you and not just you because he's dating I mean he's interviewing for the job but how he treats other people you can look at that and you can see his humility it says not quarrelsome you know quarrels come from pride that's verse three gentleness comes from humility ladies I don't I don't I don't understand ladies why are you attracted to arrogant jerks amen why though I don't know I don't understand like man I just remember like that dude I went to high school with like just because he could throw the football you know 100 yards and he'd walk through the hallway with his chest out and he drove that obnoxious red car he always dated the head cheerleader so cocky but he always had a girlfriend the sweet girlfriend the nice girl that he was always messing around I don't understand I know ladies that you like confidence please don't mistake conceit for confidence being conceited is like counterfeit confidence confidence is like rooted in the Holy Spirit trusting in God believing that God's in control conceded is rooted in your own abilities thinking that you're all that that dude will hurt you and so I think humility is one of the most important qualities to look for in a man is he teachable does he have someone else pouring into him the third thing to inspect is his reputation that's the big one inspect his reputation he says in verse seven he must also have a good reputation and so what other people think about him I think this is the one that you're quick to blow off when your heart has already moved that direction I've seen this before like your family and your friends are saying hey he's not a good guy he's not a good guy but here's what you say ladies because I've heard it but I really know him y'all don't know him like I know him all of you people who've been in his life his entire life and some of you even his sister who was raised with him in the same y'all don't know him like I know him he's like a dog he's mean to other people but he's nice to me what does that mean what does that mean he has a good reputation with outsiders is he respected you your children are gonna have to respect him because he's not just interviewing for the position of husband he's also interviewing for the position of a dad of a father and so it says he must manage his own family well and see that his children obey Him and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect so will he be a good dad does he love kids right does he enjoy kids that's that's important or is he gonna be like hey we can get married and like for 10 years we'll travel and then maybe one day we'll have kids I know your expectations aligned there I told you I buy and sell things one time I bought a stolen car I didn't know it was stolen I mean dude had the title and everything I know I should give up on this hobby I know what you're thinking dude had a title and everything I met him here at a church like we drove around town we went to the bank together like I was sharing the gospel we were talking about Jesus this guy he showed me a fake ID he had the title in his hand he sold me the car I gave him cash right I'm a fool I know and and and then deep here DPS shows up and they like take the car from me they're like oh this car is stolen you can't have it it's ours now I'm like oh man this this is like this isn't good and so and so now right now what I do is I check carfax because it shows me the vehicles history they shows me it's reputation all right ladies check references check references I talked to people who know him hopefully you're dating in the church and he's in community and other people know him and I mean interview his ex-girlfriend if you want to know how he really is like it's funny that people like that's crazy I would never do that I would do that if I were you you know now here's what happened is is guys just lost a little hope like oh man but I've really messed up you know I really messed up no no here's the deal there there is grace though there is grace like let me go back to my car analogy my for my wife I bought this car that had a salvage title here's what that means it had been in a really really bad accident like really bad accident like it like they thought the insurance coming thought it couldn't be repaired but then somebody repaired it and that keeps a lot of people away like nobody wants the car that's been in a bad accident except for here's what I did when I pulled CARFAX I saw that it had been three and a half years since that accident and it ran perfect and that told me something that told me that it was fixed that it had been fixed well and so guys just man just because he served time doesn't mean he won't be a good husband I mean that like just because he's made some really tragic mistakes doesn't mean he won't be a good husband but you want to see a track record of faithfulness you want to see a history of faithfulness a season of faith when in six months probably isn't long enough like if you like in six months and you see six months ago there was a huge wreck in his life some addiction something terrible you say hey I'm interested in you but I'd love to see a little bit longer track record of faithfulness let's give this some time time is our friend all right it's interesting that that guy that sold me that stolen car he tricked me he was playing a game I mean he showed me a fake ID he said all of the right things I fell victim to his charm which the Bible says is deceitful right it's proverbs 31:30 charm is deceitful and so ladies if he's interviewing for the job like he may be saying crazy stuff to you singing songs to you and writing poems to you and drawing you pictures sending you text messages but he may be selling you a stolen car so check his references the first thing I would inspect is his initiative his initiative does he have some Drive is he passionate about life does he have some passion in him like he's like when the going gets hard is he going to get going right get off the couch and make some things happen right this verse is about leadership that's what this verse is about he must manage his family well to manage his family well it's going to take some Drive and so girls ask me all the time well hey hey is it can a girl ask a guy out is it ok kenner girls ask guys out I mean I guess like I don't think it'll keep you out of heaven or anything I don't what do you mean can you I don't know can you III mean do I think it's God's best no I don't think it's God's best right why why don't I think it's God's best because he's failing the first test initiative like what better test to display initiative is for him to risk a yes or a no by asking you a question now we talked a couple weeks ago about how scary that is for us guys it's terrifying ladies to go up to you and to look you in the eyes and to use our words and say well will you go out with me you know I'd like to go on a date with you that's a terrifying thing because legs you are scary like you got earrings and fingernails and stuff it's terrifying it's really scary I'm serious I'm serious right but when a guy does that make you you know man this guy like he likes me enough to be vulnerable enough to do something that's hard hey guys listen listen to me men you got to do hard things for the rest of your life okay for the rest of your life you're gonna have to do some really hard things and so it is hard to ask her out I completely empathize with that but do it people you know men will ask what does it mean to lead in dating having initiative taking initiative planning communicating clearly this is what it means the lead in dating leading in purity guess I've said this over and over for years now and I want to help you men girls wonder all right they wonder about everything they wonder if you're gonna text them or call them if there's going to be a date number two and they wonder where you're gonna take them and they wonder if you like them and what you think about them and they wonder if you'd like to perfume or if you like the shirt they wonder if you're on a date or if you're just friends and there's a friend a ship like where is it going they wonder about these things I mean let me tell you some letters you can write this down tweet it out share with the world leaders remove confusion if you want to know what it means to lead and day you can clap you can clap for that ladies guys they're clapping because you're not doing this leaders remove confusion all right so anticipate the confusion and remove it with your words address it be intentional say hey this is where this is going and ladies he doesn't need to be rich you need to know that they're like oh he you know you got to be ready he doesn't need to be rich he needs to take initiative to be able to look for a job you know and to be gainfully employed to honor Christ and how he works we tell you more about this on this one number five and he you can inspect his self-control number five inspect his self-control he says in verse three not given to drunkenness not violent but gentle not quarrelsome not a lover of money it's interesting that some of the ladies were like I want someone who has a lot of money people who have a lot of money tend to love money so be careful with that because it says you don't want someone who loves money alright so it's not about him having a lot of money it's about him being able to work hard to provide for you that's a part of it right and so let's just talk about what this verse says to inspect it says a few things here I'm gonna give you 3 a's after the not loving money i says not giving a drunkenness not violent but general and not quarrelsome and so it's not so you can inspect alcohol anger and adultery under self control alcohol anger and adultery alcohol are they sober minded right if you go on that first date and he has he throws back three Mambo taxis right that this is a red flag this ain't your dude man like move on like this is not your gun if you've seen him drunk like y'all have been on you've seen him intoxicated here's what he's saying I'm not scared of you God I know your word says don't get drunk but I'm gonna do what I want okay and ladies like some of you you don't care if he gets drunk because you get drunk and you know it I know just hey I would just reconsider I reconsider all right there's a god he loves you he's giving you some instructions not to rip you off but to set you free all right is he angry it says gentle not violent not quarrelsome is he giving a rage when things don't go his way this is a big red flag he's yelling at you he's thrown stuff if he puts his hands on you you run you delete the number you block it restraining order like never again like there's no second chance on that in dating no second chance in dating alright that that's that's a single-issue disqualifier like we talked about in voting last week the real truth real quick that's a single-issue disqualifier all right we was a girl and a guy we're about to get married and right before the wedding we had heard some things that he had an abusive history and so I mean right before the wedding like days before we reached out to her I said hey like did you know this he was like hey I didn't know that but I don't even know if it's true I I think I know the real him and we're like hey we really think that you should delay this wedding at least - to do a little bit more research here so angry like gave the church the double bird hey I don't want to talk to you guys anymore like get out of our business you don't understand you're just not for us you know they go somewhere else they get married they go on the honeymoon they come back he throws her down a flight of stairs breaks both of her legs and we're there to pick up the pieces it's not it's not I told you so time that's not what this is about it's about Hayes you checked that reputation you want to make sure that he doesn't give full vent to his anger because that's not God's man that dudes gonna discipline your children all right be wise in the way that you think about that it says he's temperate verse to that he's marked by self restraint and discipline right like like not laziness and drunkenness or indulging his flesh this this is the the last a is adultery I get this email all the time hey my boyfriend's looking at porn what do I do like let me tell you how I interpret that as a former porn out if we don't know each other there's not a lot of judgment here I've looked at more porn than any of you that's the truth all right that that's who's talking to you right now but I found freedom and sobriety from that struggle by God's grace and so when you say hey my boyfriend's looking at porn what I do here's what I read my boyfriend's cheating on me repeatedly what do I do and my answer is the same you break up and you let him get well you let him get well and I know you hate that answer like no it's got to be something there's no grace and then yes you let him get that's what grace is let him he'll say hey I want you to go through a recovery program because this is messing you up you're not just cheating on me sexually an addiction to porn is not an addiction of sex an addiction of porn is an addiction to variety that man will never be satisfied in a monogamous relationship it will never happen he's programmed his brain for a variety type of girls all the time hundreds and hundreds of images I know it is incredibly hurtful and I know it is incredibly difficult cuz you think man if I let him go with somebody else come around that's where you get to trust God that's what faith is all right as my friend has said it very well up here you do not lower your standards you lengthen your patience you do not lower your standards you lengthen your patience well how long how long do I gotta be patient I don't know that's the truth I have no idea but I know you're better off single than married to a porn addict I believe that now of course if you're married you're in that relationship my instruction looks different because now two have become one flesh and the recovery looks different but he still needs to get well it blows my mind Jennifer Lawrence said this about when when some naked pictures that she had texted her boyfriends you know leaked she said I was in a loving healthy great relationship for four years it was long distance and either your boyfriend is going to look at porn or he's going to look at you and I think Jennifer needs Christ first I think she needs to come to the porch thank girls can I just say this real quick public service announcement I like we just got real talk real quick and guys for you to I mean this is this might serve you really well if you leave with nothing else but Jesus in this it'll be helpful the internet is not safe all right I know you thought that that connection between your cell phone and his cell phone was so secure and I know he promised you he wasn't gonna show those pictures to anyone but people do weird things when they get hurt and a lot of times in relationships they get hurt and so if you send him any pictures of you you just assumed the whole world is gonna see that don't do it don't do it I would tell Jennifer that there's a lot of guys that aren't looking at porn or touching their girlfriends or touching themselves for that matter I remember when I came to watermark like for the first time like straight out of the world right straight out of Uptown and them and I get plugged into this small group and they're going around like prayer requests and one guy's like hey I got something to celebrate and I'm like what you know we're like what what is it because I haven't masturbated in three years and I was like dude and you're still alive like I guess that even possible I think no that was that was possible and like and just in case you didn't laughs just then because you you're like he was still alive it is it is possible you can wage war like that like you don't have to just embrace sexual immorality because it's the norm around you like you literally can wage war here all right let me let me tell you what the the scripture says 1st Thessalonians chapter 4 it says that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable not in passionate lust like the pagans who do not know God and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister and then this is terrifying verse this is a great Halloween verse right here it really is scary because it says the Lord will punish all those who commit such sins as we told you and warned you before another version says the Lord is the Avenger of such things and so ladies one way to know if he is self controlled it's that he's not trying to put his hand up your shirt or down your pants okay he's REEP he's restraining his fleshly desire because he honors the marriage covenant that guy is leading you ladies very very well so please don't be like oh he must not be attracted to me because he's not very physical no he's he's waging war he's in the battle okay like respect that as much as you can like honor that say thank you for the way that you respect my body and the way that you you are waging war to make it to marriage that's a beautiful thing the last thing that you that you inspect is his truth what does he see as truth it says they must keep hold of the deep truths of the faith with a clear conscience that's verse nine it says in verse two now the overseer is to be above reproach then able to teach able to teach what to teach the Bible that he's been poured into that he has though the Word of God written on his heart hey it's been well we're talking about cars and it's been said about guys like one of the reputations men have is that we don't like to ask for directions okay what I would tell you these don't date a guy that's not constantly asking him for direction where should I go what should I do how should I think how should I treat her where should I look what am i committed to but he's constantly asking for directions and so I would ask you what determines his truth is it convenience has he built his life on the Word of God is that his firm foundation does he demonstrate to the world integrity that he's surrendered to the holy spirit that he's trustworthy does he do the right thing like this is so simple sometimes I really think that if you've trusted in Christ like and as you pursue and worship Him life can be as simple as do the right thing faced with a choice there's this and there's this just do the right thing it says about David that he was a man after God's own heart and in acts 13 I think it's verse 22 God clarifies here's what I meant when I said David was a man after my heart he did everything I asked him to do he was fully surrendered to my word that's what it looks like to be a man after God's heart you do everything God asked you to do let me tell you something this guy that I've been in community with for 14 years 14 years we ran together he and I are very different couldn't be more different like we think with two different sides of the brain and I will tell you I told him the other day I said hey I want you to know something I trust you more than I trust any other single human being other than my wife and the reason is is because I've seen this brother make really hard decisions he does the right thing even when it's hard he has the conversations he doesn't gossip he follows the law even when it's hard even when he wouldn't get caught he just does the right thing and I asked him if I could share that and so his wife called me this morning he says hey before you tell thousands of people that about my husband you tell them hey that's why I married him because I saw that in his life I saw that no matter how difficult it was that he did the right thing and so you need someone who holds on to truth and he lives by it because I don't know I get confused why you like bad boys let me ask you like let me just ask you girls ladies I'm asking do you like bad boys like bad guys you like them yeah Harley Davidson oh yeah like I'm gonna use that I'll go off that okay I mean true story like I'm driving this thing yesterday I'm about to pull out on the road two girls whip around like in the parking lot pull around pull up beside me roll down their window they say hey baby can we get a ride now let me tell you some I'm a middle-aged man with three kids like I understand that they are not attracted to me you know but but if you can put off a bad-boy persona it seems like you guys are attracted to that and God doesn't say be attracted to harley-davidsons all right he gives you other things to be attracted to he says hey I want you to look at this list this is what I want you to follow this is what you're after so let me ask you again ladies do you like bad guys it seems to me like you do all right let me let me let me show you you know who this is right here y'all know who that is that's Nicholas Cruz all right he walked into a school in parkland Florida and killed 17 people he shot him dead he goes into jail he goes to jail he's waiting to be tried and he starts getting an influx of love letters I'll read to you this is what there's a long time Bowery County public defender Howard said he's never seen a defendant get so many letters not even close hundreds of letters sent to him of those made public by the Bauer County Sheriff's Office there wasn't one letter that criticized the confessed killer no they asked if he could have or if they could have his baby they sent him seductive pictures of themselves who were the letters from girls hey I know you killed 17 people but I find you attractive attractive and you're right it's dysfunctional you're you're right you here's what every lady thinks like yeah but not like that's crazy that he would get a lot of that's crazy but consider this ladies how many times have you been in a relationship with a guy that you knew was gonna hurt you how many times have you dated someone when you knew he was not good for you how many times have you gone back to someone who broke your heart and hurt you as you I would never do that with that guy and yet we practice it in these small microcosms I think yeah there is a part of me I think Satan delights in the reality that you find something rebellious attractive and what it's doing is is you're like well there's no guys there's no good guys out there nom I'm telling you I'm looking out here and there are some good guys in the room there are some good guys in the room that are doing the right things that are following god that are seeking to surrender to God I just want to end by saying you're a princess you're a daughter to the king and it seems like and ladies I I don't mean to be hard on you I really my heart is to help you but in that competitive spirit like it seems that you're attracted to guys in relationships that's always confused me too like before I was in a relationship with Christ I can remember like being out in the scene and you know talking with a girl and it go in places where it goes in the world and me just saying hey I have a girlfriend and heard you saying hey I don't care and so we would use each other and we would have fun and so I'm gonna end really controversial I'm gonna end by saying something really crazy ladies you might look for a guy who's in a relationship like well just think about it cuz you can observe these things right if he's in a relationship you can you can look at his commitments in summary if he's in a relationship you can look at his humility if he's in a relationship you can you can kind of see his reputation if he's in a relationship you can see if he initiates if he takes initiative if he's in a relationship you can see if he's self controlled if he's in a relation ship you can see what truth he surrendered to and so I want you to find a guy who was in a relationship and no I'm not talking about a relationship with another girl I'm talking about a relationship with Christ that he would be surrendered to Jesus it's interesting when that guy brought this thing over he drove it over to my house it's like man I don't want to drive it with a check engine light on you know he brings it over and my kids are going crazy can we keep it like no and they love it he and I should have known at this point the deal was done I should have known he goes yeah for me I just think of it like a jet ski I know so what do you mean he goes well it's kind of fun for the weekend but then you're over it I thought about that as like yeah that's kind of how it works when you make a decision based on how something is on the outside right it's not very functional you can't take passengers or carry cargo or do anything like it is it's not a very functional there's only in fact there's only one reason you would buy that car because you're looking for a good time you're looking for a fun experience ladies some of you some of you aren't looking for a husband you're looking for an adventure and I would really challenge you on that to seek out a husband in fact as I was thinking about that I thought about my truck my truck is 13 years old it's got a hundred thousand miles on it it's been faithful to me when I turned the key it starts it's the base model it didn't have power locks or power windows or power seats it didn't have anything you know what's sexy about my truck nothing you get inside it kind of stinks a little bit it smells like a boys lived in it for 13 years right but it's never been in the shop it just works it just runs and so ladies what if instead of sexy you looked for surrendered to Christ instead of sexy you you held out for surrender to Christ because it's Christ not the perfect example of this like Christ was committed the scripture says about him that he was humble his reputation we still read about it 2000 years later that he saved those who trusted in him he took initiative he went first he says for the joy set before him he died for your sins he was controlled by the Holy Spirit he said he was tempted in every way but never sinned he was self controlled and he was the truth the Word of God in the flesh that is who we follow and so ladies you're looking for someone who follows him someone who is in a committed relationship with him if you have that those other things they'll follow suit this is the gold standard all of those things that they made a band flow it may be at different degrees but if he's fully surrendered to Christ he's gonna be a great husband gonna be a great father let me pray you'd find that father we thank you for the example of your son Jesus we thank you for what you did for us through him father I pray for my female friends in the room god they're scary they don't want to be single forever Lord it's easy the enemy tempts us to think that you've forgotten about us that you don't have a plan for us father would you remind them that you love them and you do have a plan for them that first and foremost you desire for them to be married to you and then lord I pray out of this group that you would raise up men real men confident in your Holy Spirit surrender to your holy spirit who would engage women that are surrendered to your Holy Spirit and that they would get married and have children your kingdom would be advanced through that father would you change would you tune our hearts in the list that we're looking for you know whether she's tall or blonde or brunette or whether he's a doctor or lawyer you know built that we would turn it to or they surrendered to Christ would you make that enough for us please even as we worship you now in Jesus name Amen

Channel: The Porch

Views: 41,069

Rating: 4.9020977 out of 5

Keywords: the, porch, dallas, watermark, church, young, adults, christian, christianity, ministry, movement, jp, todd, wagner, david, marvin, jonathan, fort, worth, ft, el, paso, fantasy, dating, series, sex, lust, men, women, single, singleness, engaged, marriage, married, guy, dream, boys, qualities, husband, wife, car on stage, 6 qualities, Christ

Id: DCVbskPpLOk

Length: 54min 58sec (3298 seconds)

Published: Sun Nov 11 2018