Everything Wrong With Trolls Band Together in 18 Minutes or Less

[Music] Comcast the DreamWorks Moon child isn't waving goodbye to Shrek permanently in this scene one minute to show time this concert will not start for another 2 minutes and 35 seconds and no one even mentions the Running Lake all right guys we're going to open with girl baby baby and close with baby baby girl wait no that doesn't sound right not finishing your set list until there's somewhere between a minute and 2 minutes and 35 seconds before Showtime God I want to boil an egg on those abs sounds like a really great way to get sweaty eggs in a really terrible way to get breakfast also known as eating at Denny we have to hit the perfect family Harmony we promise the fans promising your fans any sort of perfection don't you know how life Works always under promise and then mediocre feels like success at least I think that's how the saying goes I remember that I'm with my brothers and that when we come together there is nothing that we can't do look coming together is great but there are many things that remain undoable no matter how synchronized you are like using a noodle Fork to eat a 3-ton boulder in less than 5 minutes or swimming to pluta making fun of Taylor Swift publicly and surviving it the fun boy the fun booy is that is that a boy pun I swear that's a boy pond now I just want a full movie about Clay's exploits off the stage there are many things I could s about this opening song but the most important is that this opener is not either girl baby baby or baby baby girl so what the John Dory uh where EX experiencing uh some stuff thing I was told when my last Southwest Airlines flight was delayed by 5 hours somehow makes it into the script hey at least we didn't fall character says it could have been worse immediately followed by it becoming worse cliche yeah that's right BR bro going solo YOLO whoa whoa there bro bro tossing YOLO to and froo has been an absolute no no since years AG go go you dodo we're not in sync we've gone from Boys to Men and now there's only one direction for us to go the back streets the movie imagines that this boy band puning is so good that they will bring it back later to close the movie with it that's just another level of living on dream street I'm actually hate listening it's a new thing it is not who theu chose this font and color for the title I can barely read what I'm assuming says barred together even yellow comic Sands would have been better than this movie doesn't expand on the culinary arts of the Chara or the narnar this opening medle of songs is transitioning from We Are Family to push it yeah that's a weird combination but honestly the mashups in these movies may be the best thing about them so in honor of that here's a mashup of a sin and a sin removal at the same time H at DJ City King gristle has his entire left eyebrow waxed off and then it immediately grows back for the next shot as if his hair has a joke is over setting you could say that again well it only took us 10 minutes to hit our first glitter vomit and if I'm being honest I'm surprised we didn't have it by minute 3 or 4 that's some nice restraint movie I'd love to not send you but unfortunately I do not have any of that Bergen beat asking the hard questions but refusing to do the journalistic research necessary to answer them we find out here in a second second that Bridget's balloon dress is one pop away from completely disintegrating which makes this the dumbest way to enter your wedding since my college roommate played Bon jovies You Give Love a Bad Name for his fiance's entrance now Falling in Love is Easy it is not it usually requires a heavy amount of emotional investment in time being attracted to someone is easy conflating love and attraction is easy and sinning your misconception is also easy oh drama cor me dinkles asking dinkles to Corn you not the sensitive one either okay a lot of assumptions for someone you just met 30 seconds ago John Dory would be excellent at a sustance it wasn't until I heard about you saving the world from The Rock apocalypse that I realized you were even still alive wait you thought your baby brother was dead dead and you just went on with your life why would you assume your younger brother was dead I hadn't heard from him since the band broke up so did you also assume Floyd was dead Dear John Dory I'm being held against my will by Superstar's velvet and veneer memorizing a letter word for word for your Exposition dump instead of just summing up what it said these appear to be light fixtures so where's the light bulb is this building even up to code the bottle is made of diamond and there's only one thing that's powerful enough to shatter Diamond but the whole thing isn't made of diamond right it looks like a section is made of gold and there's a small entry point for the tube I know you want to get back to check off's perfect family Harmony but I really think you have a few more options here to explore oh yeah so we can attempt to sing something we've only tried once and failed so miserably at that we broke up and never talked to each other again hold up you only tried that once there's this little thing musicians do it's called rehearsal if you hadn't practiced the perfect family Harmony before the show that's kind of on you you don't get it you don't have any siblings thinking someone can't understand something they don't have personal experience with hey looks like our rides here and with perfect timing so let me get the straight you parked Ronda somewhere outside of town and gave her instructions to appear from beneath the ground at a wedding you didn't know was going on where one of the guests was the brother you didn't know would be there meet Ronda y'all a Ab no she looks like AI tried to make a copy of the cat bus from my neighbor tutour these uh really something jeez John Dory control your rides glitter tongue man you should never let your pet glit lick someone without explicit consent today on a very special episode of The Bop on Top shooting the Bop on top in 4-3 aspect ratio I need my Bops in wide screen no matter of their relative vertical position if we're going to make it through the rage Dome show we're going to need more troll little known fact we're going to need more troll was briefly considered as a possible slogan for social media before settling on you won't even recognize your parents by the time we're done with them okay I cannot with her funny because I cannot with this entire movie this whole plot could be a metaphor for subjugating another race and then co-opting their culture and talent to profit off of but I'm not sure this movie has the slightest ability to handle that depth or even the intentions to do so we obviously can't rely on this troll to get us through this dress rehearsal I was going to make some crack about why you're bothering to rehearse at all if you just steal Talent from another person I've realized the greater sin is this pair of fakers practiced more than the boy band who needed to hit their perfect family Harmony these musicians are dumb at the end of this sad song we will see that crimp here was playing the ukulele for this impromptu ballad she wouldn't have known was coming well I heard all sorts of instrumentation so where's the rest of your hidden band crimp with the speed and swerv that Ronda runs in this movie we should not cut inside to a calm conversation we should cut inside to an absolute disaster area and possibly a dead troll or two and I'm on a man-sized right of passage my man-sized right of passage mostly involved my older friends tricking me into stripping hitting the Hornet's Nest in the backyard with a hockey stick and seeing how many stings I could endure before I cry for the record is was one Hornets so is no one going to talk about why this tiny extendable driver's wheel is built into this vehicle that is also apparently the insides of a sentient Transportation pet of some sort are the insides part of its bone structure like a turtle what does it eat human food oil the nightmares of children you want some of this nah thanks man I I can't get back on that train get it because rockstars struggle with addiction it's hilarious oh the wedding wasn't just an excuse to shoe horn these characters in for a single scene we're actually going to shoehorn them into the rest of the movie as well character blo thy name is animated sequels it is a night of surprises except the sun is clearly still up so it's not night yet it's more of a dusk of surprises hey guys looks like I found some fellow rock climbers you are not rock climbing you are pastel macaroni climbing also the fact that you're climbing without a harness is a bad safety example to all those kids who might be watching do you want them to grow up to go full hun well do you having this much poof in your hair after you've been out surfing no tossing okay A a to big to be tossed you're not too big as evidenced by this sentence being immediately preceded by a successful tossing killer nachos you got here by the way those are not nachos those are shards of stained glass and you know it this is my wife and business partner Brandy she is my soulmate my very tall soulmate but we make it work scene does not contain diagrams and or visual proof of how these two make it work we're here because we need to hit the perfect family Harmony Oh no you're still going on about that yes he is much to my shagrin and I expect he will continue to go on about it for the next hour we've never even come close to pulling it off you've never even come close to perfect family Harmony how were you even a popular band without at least coming close to harmonizing what are you modern K-pop all right fine but this is more than likely beneath me what anak Kendrick muttered while agreeing to do a third one of these things somehow makes its way into the script you believe this is really happening that you're breaking the fourth wall to try to get us excited that Timberlake is singing boy band songs again yeah I can't believe you thought that would work either don't make that noise please I don't need to have thoughts about troll sex and there goes my brain melted marshmallow coated gumdrops the movie is now having a sentient pile of old school Amazon packing fillers sing Dolly pardons 9 to5 and you're expecting me to not send this I had an idea crimp has invented a wearable transportable prison device that sucks the life out of its inhabitants in real time and if she isn't tried for war crimes by the end of this movie I'm calling for a congressional hearing also I'm well aware that the movie will try to make it sound like she thought she invented it for fruit but the fact that the openings are perfectly designed for the existing Diamond prison to be inserted says otherwise so don't you claim that smoothie ignorance you knew what was happening or it wouldn't worked and history will judge you for it do you want to lose all this and go back to the dark place where we had nothing please sir I want some more saying it had nothing and then immediately undercutting your point by imagining yourself saying you want more of well I don't know what used to be in those bows but it wasn't nothing so how was school today stop attacking me kids we're a total veneer household they're the ones who have Floyd ah it's going to be hard to separate the art from the artist Thunder drawers sentient stench ghosts oh they pressed the kill time by having fun with different animation Styles so your movie can hit feature length button got it also reminding me Yellow Submarine exists and how much I'd rather be watching that movie instead of this one the music was better too oh my gosh how woo and this will turn out to be Poppy's long lost sister that no one was even looking for because of course it is paa trolls lights on for our new friends this is a terrible mini golf course are you supposed to chip the ball up into this intestine looking hot dog on whole too and even if you somehow get it in there there is zero space for you to putt near this hole and 17 looks way too easy and has a random lighthouse on it that doesn't even play into the strategy you don't put a lighthouse or windmill on a putt put hole unless you have to go through the lighthouse or windmill this is putt put 101 also this dinosaur looks more like he's been caught in a stickup than that he is any kind of threat at all and what the hell is this I'm going to say colon toad even doing and why does it only have two hind legs is the theme of this mini golf course mutation from chemical runoff just like in golf the higher score is worse so go ahead and give it so many sins I said so many we call Burgers meat circles Wendy's deniers and the only powerful enough to free is the perfect family Harmon blatantly resetting your plot and perfectly spoken Unison doesn't make it any less blatant in fact it kind of makes it more so I'd also like the volunteer to keep track of our expenses ignoring the bright red flag that is someone this excited about being in charge of your money am I the only one without a long lost sibling no you're just the only one without a reason to be in this half of the movie I've always dreamt of having a sister I was just saying this wasn't I just saying this yes you were and in the real world we would call that a coincidence but in a movie we just call it forced foreshadowing or forced shadowing for short so was thinking about getting more into like reading short stories and essays instead of full novels thinking you can't read all three at the same time there's no literature police to enforce book laws there were everyone would have been required to read the Earth Sea series instead of being allowed to read Harry Potter and here's an extra sin for all of you who haven't because Ursula K Lan is amazing get rest your soul this very misshapen and unfair die they were this close to getting eaten until Viva and some of the other trolls fought them off was fighting them off an option I feel like what little I remember from the first trolls movie and I'll Grant you it's not much didn't imply why any of the trolls were capable of fighting back against the Bergens but now you're telling me some did I call wsh you just wanted a way to introduce Poppy's sister and I see through your lies via found this old abandoned Bergen golf course and transformed it into this troll Utopia you know instead of searching for her family at all and we're also intercutting to King Pepe trying to justify never looking for his daughter this movie is full of all kinds of quitters there's no way be's going to let her go what what are you talking about like I said she's got some stuff going on man reducing false imprisonment to some stuff going on I don't want to lose my brother either huh so all it took to escape was just walking on that chain in reverse all well thought out was viva's imprisonment plan because that plot point was solved in less than 2 minutes I know you think it's risky and maybe it is but it'll be worth it family's always worth it hear me clearly no family is not always worth it all relationships are hard and many are worth sacrificing and fighting for but some are so toxic that separation is the healthiest option and that includes family so no Poppy Family isn't always worth it and anyone who who needs to get off that guilt bus has complete permission to exit at the next stop well don't just stand there go get him why does it have to be me because Crim's locked in the closet now go if you're going to have a villain be this one-dimensional and evil the least you could do is let her gr mustache to twirl it wouldn't be a DreamWorks animated film without a cartoon crack shot congratulations on your brand awareness guys if this diaper was any smaller I could taste it how I'm the oldest I had to be the leader US presidential elections don't be a baby Branch telling someone not to be a baby after dressing him in a diaper for your rehearsal this is Branch's bunker he built this for you guys I didn't know I guess you never asked about the bunker he had no idea existed about the Revelation that just surprised you as well yeah somehow he never thought to ask wait Grandma Got eaten gez between being eaten and being Run Over By Reindeer it's a dangerous life for Grandma I have been by your side from the moment we skip chy I didn't think we'd both both find ourselves tied up on this honeymoon sexist ideas of gender normative roleplay the children watching this movie need to learn early that anyone can click the sub button after that we need to cut the power so we can move freely through the interior air duct won't cutting the power alert anyone using said power that you might be up to something this is a terrible plan Poppy and Branch are trapped here down by the bottle but in the next shot they somehow throw the stretchy hands with perfect aim straight up 50 ft up through the vent to ascend and I just like to say that cartoons sure do get away with a lot of let's go autograph some butt is a thing that is said in this movie would it be weird if we made out pulling this dialogue from somebody's trolls fanfiction and putting it in your movie to pad the [Music] runtime wait de X VI your poppy sister that makes us best friends too it does not there isn't a chance in the hell that is this movie that these scissors could cut through well anything these Bergens wouldn't be able to escape from themselves okay we need to leave right now running after you've been accused of a crime do you want Tommy Lee Jones to chase you because that's how you get Tommy Lee Jones to chase you and then you have to jump out of a sewer it's a whole thing not only are they stealing Talent from brozone now they're stealing my Rainbow Road strategy from Mario Kart 64 you bastards locating an accelerator button on the roof of your vehicle where anyone that's dancing up there could just accidentally step on it tiny give me the thing oh oh that's good driving while under the ring fluence also when someone with no clothes on reaches behind themselves and then hands you an object that looks anything like this you never I repeat never put that directly in your mouth what do we do let's hustle waiting until this far into the chase to hustle yes H yeah who needs lots of sex when you can ride a motorcycle off the road and toss an RV meal worm toward a boat so that it can puke up your friends as you then drown in tapa balls just a reminder that this entire boat concert was completely unplanned and yet has all the time pyro needed to pull it off and somehow ends in an aquatic theater you guys want an encore you can't just ask your audience if they want an encore you have to put down your instruments walk off stage for 10 minutes and fail to convince anyone the show is actually over then you come back out and give the Encore do you even concert bro we'll follow your lead Branch wow if you done that an hour ago this movie might be over by now who did that too late crimp the tribunal is waiting I can't play the music for you but trust me when I say that the final line that breaks this diamond is sung in unison not Harmony maybe it's some sort of metaphor about Unity but your metaphor I was promised diamond shattering harmonies you bastards come on man wake up he thinks I'm invested enough in these characters to believe it has the guts to kill one of them see you couldn't even commit 60 seconds to the possibility that Floyd was dead even Shazam too kept its character death going on longer than that F just braided your hair it means she likes you non-consensual braiding heart star is not a valid height measurement Branch I'm sorry we didn't get to see you grow up but I'm excited to get to hang out with you now only one of Branch's Brothers apologize for abandoning him we may not be the New Kids on the Block anymore but I'm loving this new addition of us this call back puns on for all the some time and thinks we will just take that that Soul Decision alone is just crazy town now get up here and sing with us via VIA get up here we're in the band we l troll did not invite Viva way to make it weird poppy also the entire end sequence shows everyone singing and dancing perfectly together without any rehearsals and I'm realizing now that in this universe you don't need to practice to be perfect which undermines the perfect harmony plot Point all over again God Troll movies you only exist to make famous people sing and animators explore their psychotropic limits how much owe you this is covered by insurance right no I'm out of network the system little bomb bye see you bye I'm actually hate listening your hate has made you powerful that's not how DNA works don't tell me what I Know Travis for your information I am no longer a baby I'm a big kid now do you want to lose all this and go back to the dark place where we had nothing please sir I want some more we call Burgers Royale with cheese oh I'm sorry is that funny to you I'm funny how I mean funny like I'm a clown I amuse you

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 152,293

Keywords: wave jockey job, cinemasins, cinema sins, everything wrong with, eww, movie, review, movie review, trolls, trolls band together, band together

Id: NILhRJC0m9U

Length: 18min 20sec (1100 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 25 2024