Everything Wrong With The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe

[Music] these are German bombers in a movie about some British kids escaping the war into a mythical realm do we really need sky captain in the world of yesterday footage of these bombers maybe this is why the movie is 2 hours 23 minutes long this intense opening is meant to give us context but it also builds a connection to their home and their mother that the movie will never revisit or resolve for its entire two and a half hours you know what else could get you killed beter leaving that bunker door open just so you can chastise your little brother shut the door when boarding a train please make sure to inform us if you are starring in a film so you can be seated my window on the station side for maximum waving effect thank you and enjoy your evacuation you won't listen to your brother waiting Edmund you go okay I will but um do you mean emotionally like Dakota Fanning and man on fire or do you mean physically like ATS Monica on fronts or do you mean spiritually like that will writer chick movie isn't the Screwtape Letters mrs. MacCready I'm afraid so let me spend so much time Oliver twisting an an of Green Gables I'm beginning to wonder if it's ever going to go narnia chronicling and above all there should be no disturbing off the professor oh now I understand this too long setup they're hoping to create and Norn your hurts which I guess they kind of do for another movie or two why don't I forget how it all worked out was it Latin worst game ever invented Edmund is such a miserable whiny little bastard always correcting everyone and pointing out the mistakes and hey random and convenient completely empty chest is both random and convenient she ran through at least two hallways and is at the far end of this room with the door closed I doubt she's hearing Peter at all Lucy accidentally south into Narnia is wandering into a fantasy world a common occurrence for Lucy she doesn't seem shocked or scared at all that this closet led to some sort of winter wonderland how is she at least not running back the way she came at this point to inspect what happened and without proper orienteering skills and basic intelligence Lucy died of hypothermia long before the game of hide-and-seek was over Lucy's left hand touches the pole but an immediate cut away shows it's her right hand and then immediately her left again I haven't seen pole work that fast since well never mind yes Losey be very afraid I've seen what james mcavoy does when he's in beast mode and you don't want any part of it did this movie even have a continuity Department the fingerprints are different in almost every shot the packages are in different places than they land and if we track every continuity error through this whole thing we'll be here longer than a Narnian winter let's just add 15 sins and call it a day and from our fallen fashion line we call this the topless scarf look for when you have to keep your neck warm and your nipples hard at the same time and also most annoying from from the lamppost all the way to Castle CAIR Paravel on the eastern ocean every stick and stone you see is not a fun swimming why would she think she's still in the wardrobe confusion about where she is exactly sure but she does know the difference between indoors and outdoors right I would be if you came and had tea with me well it would be sort of like a kidnapping and an Amber Alert would be issue lucy accepts the half naked strangers invite to tee further ignoring her siblings and how many rules of hide-and-seek she's breaking this entire movies events could be avoided if Lucy would just act her age and get scared of the snowscape and goat stranger and run back through the Wardrobe into the mansion in the dead of winter are they frozen bucketloads I read these books as a kid and loved them I saw this movie isn't adult and thought it was fine I'm watching this movie now as a sinner God Almighty it's downright insufferable other than the frostbite you mean yeah I'm awesome Matt Lauer [Music] what stuff it's like hey come to my house for tea then psychedelic fluting why would whatever magic powers this thing has not let the siblings get to narnia now if it's just gonna let them do it the next time God even the Wardrobe itself is involved in the scheme to pad the runtime if she knows she's going back to Narnia wouldn't she do more to prepare then just slide some boots on maybe a jacket huh some fun repellent so Lucy comes through to Narnia and immediately meets good guy Tumnus Bombadil Edmund comes through Narnia in the same spot mind you and immediately meets bad guy Ice Queen its Narnia super [ __ ] tiny or just super [ __ ] convenient anything you'd like to eat Turkish Delight sheesh first Tumnus traps Lucy in and fire flute roofie sir now a discount collateral here is basically running a hey kid want some candy on Edmund I'm not sure who the Nanyan version of Chris Hansen is but they suck at their job grumpy dwarf as a dick to magic chalices must assume she's telling the truth old goofy and confusing guy who likes to smoke a pipe gives the small hero's advice while seemingly just babbling about gibberish again I'm not sure who got there first but it's clear as day Lewis and Tolkien we're writing their famous fantasies at the exact same time [Music] cricket when did Lucy even have time to make that snowball her hands are empty here and peter has been looking at her the whole time snowball fight really it's your first time in a magical land fully contained inside a wardrobe not your first time seeing snow you dolt 30 seconds of filmmaking tricks designed to make viewers scared and nervous only to introduce a goddamn beaver it was a good guy that will go in to help them this is the movies version of a time-wasting jump scare I can assume any english-speaking upright-walking beaver behaves completely like an actual beaver for no apparent reason especially considering beavers likely never met an actual beaver to know how to beaver in the first beaver beaver anything Susan would be excellent at anthropomorphisms open flame for a structure made entirely of wood I'm just saying don't borrow a faulty crock pot from the neighbors that's all hmm large dam element of danger talking beavers sardines this movie has most of my sexual fantasies all rolled into one scene y would be ver think that they knew this and we're joking he knows they're not from here right they don't even know about the prophecy prophecies you know that righty-right poem Nancy it's time the four of us we're getting home at but damn room is in no damn way big enough for Edmund to have made his damn escape without being seen these doors seemed a bit impractical Edmund is a punk-ass little [ __ ] already ditched his family and raced to the obviously Evil Queen because she has some candy walks through a field of statues that to me the casual observer are clearly Medusa style frozen real creatures and draws glasses in a mustache on one Edmund spoopy should have been called Chronicles of Narnia Edmund is a pants also movie has time for this my apologies fortunate favourite of the Queen or else not so fortunate jeez well if you're gonna sinisterly for shout of the Queen's evil intentions at least wait until you're out of Edmonds earshot to do so honestly I wrote narae's several jokes about this line but ultimately I can't shake the thought that this way for your num-nums would make an excellent band there man how many movies is Liam Neeson in we're a pack of wolves are the bad guys movie Chiefs like my college girlfriend here and it makes me furious because the kids in Beaver are already gone when the wolves show up but to keep the audience surprised they edited the footage to make it look like the Wolves had shown up before they got away basically they edited this with the editorial hand of a keeping up with the kardashians show run it's a good thing the Biebs built this escape tunnel big enough for humans to run through that's some pretty impressive foresight I tell ya this peril is a too small to cover the opening be too light to not easily be moved and see rollable this in no way better is their predicament ah the old hide high up in a tree and hope you can remain quiet routine never mind how the [ __ ] they got up there so fast he ran north smell them out if you can smell them out why do you need his help with the direction why can't you smell them since they're really close near Rock the time is short and esslyn himself has asked me to gather more troops Fox News I see they shot the scene on green-screen mountain that Aslan's camp is near the stone table just across the frozen river awesome how the [ __ ] do you know that your own wife was shocked a few minutes ago to meet a fox that had met Aslan yeah you know the exact route and location of the secret camp is this coincidence or just a Bieber marriage so torn apart by lies and distrust that divorce is imminent long journey such arduous Ness sole finish ship here's a jump scare chase scene that has all the tension of a genuinely scary moment except that it ends with Santa Claus yep santa claus as a movie ever jumped the shark at its own halfway point i put up with a lot since I got here thing I said while watching the film somehow went back in time and became aligned in the script Santa gives each human child a special gift I'll allow the Wizard of Oz and I'm suddenly starting to wonder if CS Lewis was just really good at paying close attention to other works of fiction that captured the public's imagination also it would've been hilarious if he gave three of them cool swords and helmets but then gave the last one a lame gift like oh man socks trust in this boo and it will not easily miss did the prophecy about the humans on the throne say anything about all the mythical and magical help they would receive on their way there what is happening right now a frozen river while Lucy and the gang pass flowering trees in the dead of snowy winter leading me to believe they inadvertently entered the shimmer have you absorbed nothing about the prophecy of Adam's descendants you're supposed to be smart look this is a massively super huge army gathered here whereas that apparently is and get the ice queen knew nothing of Aslan's return or his location until edmund told her gosh she has the worst informants this unexplained scent or makes a lot more sense than the one in bright welcome Peter son of Adam even in 2005 Liam Neeson as Aslan was a bit of casting that was too on the nose the evil Gimli torments Edmund for fun my question is why did they keep him alive and even if keeping him live has a good excuse why did they bring him along into battle please don't try to run now we're tired and we prefer to kill you quickly do you know because it seems to me discount can work and the pack had the upper hand until you blew in all with a cheap jump scare ground instead of a surprise attack there was no way Susan covered that amount of ground that quickly and got a blow on that horn before being turned into a wolf chow is it just me or does Peter have a bad case of the wobbly sword Peter in the wolf Peter Lee no sword well actually mr. Aslan this is a Disney film so there's not really anything to clean off of it so before the ice queen even knew what was happening this small band of heroes wiped down her entire camp grabbed Edmund and it still had time to tie up grumpy man hey we're gonna now faster than Chinese food Tony's not gonna be one of tasted okay but weird is Nanyan toast come from where does the flower come from why is the bread so evenly cut do you toast it on a campfire it's not like Aslan can buy the bread down at the local food line the older sibling takes one turn practicing archery and because it was Santa that gave her the skier she ends up being awesome at and doesn't even need the practice my name is Philip if the sequel to this film had been about the life and times of Philip the horsey they'd still be making Narnia movies today so did they do it everyone got up and reacted before she even disturbed the curtain and walked out apparently this roar is Magic Jesus lion for [ __ ] please the passion of the lion this movie dwells and lingers on the Jesus character's death even more than the Bible does Jesus I mean sorry holy Christ I mean wow oh sure it sounds all cool until the sensor when I say I don't like it does an eye roll for my wife how does Susan know this I mean did she take some sort of lion life science class back at Finchley high she didn't even take his pulse why is this even allowed why did the Ice Queen kill Aslan but tell her entire army to peace out would leave that lion body here for others to mourn him or for him to come back to life which he's obviously gonna do see that's third time Susie smartypants actually has a good point here they just heard the White Witch say she's coming to kill them all so maybe cut the bestir morning short a bit and go give your buddies a heads up chase treemail you still my princes I bring grave news on your sisters literally that's an army out there it's ready to follow you I can't cuz I believed you could sodalite you were literally betraying him up until a few minutes ago the reasons I hope are well established at this point I believe this giant eagle can just go itself right in the ear thank God they escaped the dangers of World War two I'm sure these three are supposed to be giants but am I alone and thinking this looks more like three regular blokes in a bad case of honey i shrunk the mythical horde this Battle of Helm's shallow will contain lots of clanking metal and not a single drop of blood at least four straight minutes of battle I've seen done better by more than one film or franchise the point is that this film's biggest sin is repetitive planus I mean who is actually surprised by this way too much time spent with Aslan explaining the table the markings and does anyone else remember there's a battle going on generic we don't have done a better battle footage once I a slant is alive this movie becomes predictable as hell good to see what condescend some help sure it looks like the sword goes through the arm here but in the follow-up shots the sword clearly missed his arm completely for pete's sake literally it is finished and by finished I mean still 20 minutes left in this movie two more movie sequels and four other books that still haven't been made into movies but you know semantics I give you Queen Lucy skip not only did this joke conclusion from earlier seem out of place and takes way too long to pay off there was no way the charcoal would have stayed on that line in this long that King Albus Severus Potter you were named after two headmasters of Hogwarts and as such there are a few rules we need to follow there will be no shouting or running you were to shoot the juice of the fire flower I'm gonna start beating the view the next five seconds Lucy Lucy you got some splaining FIFA thank you I just had it stuffed you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just cuz some watery tart through a sword at you don't waste my time with flattery this is gonna be a total cluster cuz

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 2,682,681

Keywords: mistakes, wave jockey job, witch, movie, review, lion the witch and the wardrobe, cinemasins, cinema sins, eww, chronicles of narnia, lion, everything wrong with, wardrobe

Id: JLt6sEE8rdQ

Length: 14min 15sec (855 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 08 2018