Everything Wrong With Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars in 36 Minutes

[Music] oh my god this intro spoils almost the entire [Music] game is one of bowser's powers the ability to control the weather cause if not that's amazing timing he just shows up and a beautiful day with clear skies turns into a lightning storm in a matter of seconds come the [ __ ] on mario she got kidnapped in front of your house you weren't even ambushed or anything you just showed up what was that sound no it's a chain reaction get it a chain reaction all right bowser charming mario [Music] bye mario [Music] this should finish you [Music] why didn't mario just grab onto the kink link oh [ __ ] i dropped you like two hours ago how are you still falling and how did i catch up to you this is it i'm gonna take you out mario [Music] foiled again jesus is that the record for mario's highest jump if you could jump that high to begin with why not jump off the chandelier the moment bowser knocked it off [Music] hey mario of people use something called a door to go in and out of their houses yeah very funny [ __ ] did you not just see me get heated into my own house hey i thought the princess was here with you mario so where is she mario what's with the silent treatment you're not telling me something he's not telling you anything mario doesn't really speak in these games but kind of i think push a again to attack [Music] wait a second [Music] hit a again here timing thanks but it's kind of hard to [ __ ] it up when you interrupt me in order for me to perform it [Applause] ah now why did i rush back i had something to tell you [Music] ah i remember i came to warn you that mushroom way is swarming with monsters i just barely made it back here in one piece mario please do something [Music] ah now why did i rush back i had something to tell you that's right we need to tell the chancellor about toadstool i'll see you over at mushroom kingdom just in case take these with you wait so you're going to go through mushroom way on your own anyway wasn't the whole reason you came back to teach me about how timing and items work because you were afraid of going through the path and having to run into the monsters [Music] thanks mario i was running so fast i wasn't watching where i was going mushroom kingdom's just ahead we're almost there mario hey where did this hammer come from the hammer brother do you not remember who i just fought uh what did i find squaresoft you horny bastards i fear the worst could bowser somehow be behind all of this what do you [ __ ] encourage the cowardly dog speak damn it mario let's see how you're going to take care of bowser wow he doesn't stand a chance wow you're the barrio i know all about you well clearly not if you didn't know what he looked like mario i have something to report sir i saw him he's here somewhere he just zoomed past me a second ago did you see him did he look something like this never mind i guess mario's ditto how can he just perfectly turn into whoever he wants on command cappy schmappy he can turn into anything at any time mack i yes my favorite mario character who the hell is this guy and why are the shy guys associating with him didn't the smitty gang come from another world or whatever mac just kind of comes out of nowhere has no presence no build up he's just kind of here taking over toadstool's castle we beat him and then he's gone never referenced again below must have been like when he said water would come gushing out of here uh mario do you hear something or is it just me water here it comes quick mario hit the button before we're washed away wait what happened mala was on the switch and then the switch pushed him off i guess i got that he's a cloud but do you know how much a regular cumulus cloud weighs half a million kilograms literally over a million pounds and yeah part of that is due to density in other [ __ ] but canonically mallow should be the heaviest mario character how is a dinky little switch gonna push him off along the way there are a few traps as to what will happen we'll just keep that a surprise toad you dick mario's falling down a waterfall to his death and you have nothing to say to help him regarding these so-called traps you know about did you put the traps there hi can i help you malo it's you we've heard all about your adventures with super mario you guys beat up balloon right how the [ __ ] did you know about that that happened like actually eight minutes ago plus no one saw us who knew that malo was traveling with mario knew that we fought and defeated belom and then come tell everyone at tadpole pond mallow says it's the waterways but what the hell does that mean people that come through the waterways ouch watch it up there you're supposed to make me look like i'm floating here okay is that breaking the fourth wall you realize mario and mallow can see you and the lakitu holding you up right the audiences you might be obscured but why would theirs be let's see that smithy character that appeared in bowser's keep he's quite formidable yes i don't know i haven't even met the guy and i'm not gonna lie for most of the game i thought smithy was a giant store that fell into bowser's keep you're worried about the princess but first you need to take care of smithy his underlings are wreaking havoc in our world [Music] mack whom you defeated at mushroom kingdom was one of them he was huh that would have been interesting to learn from him instead of from a random all-knowing frog with a beard this may sound illogical but i believe shooting stars can grant wishes dude this is a world where a giant fire-breathing turtle who rides in a hovercraft with a clown motif kidnaps a human princess who rules over mushroom people who then has to be saved by an italian plumber who in this game just so happens to team up with a cloud person that thinks he's a frog and an extra dimensional being who just so happens to possess a doll bringing it to life how is shooting stars having the ability to grant wishes the illogical thing here hello my boy i've kept this from you until now but you're not a tadpole [Music] i can understand how mallow is shocked he's kind of stupid i'm more surprised everyone else didn't know that i was sitting here on rainy day enjoying a snack of crickets when i happened to see a basket floating down from the falls i peeked inside and saw little babies staring right back at me a new mallow was written on his belt i felt sorry for the little bundle of puff and took him in to raise as my own grandchild he had powerful magic and i knew he was more than a piece of fluff i thought surely this child must be from some far-off land grandpa you mean i'm not a tadpole okay i know i just said that i understood how mallow was shocked but having lived here practically your whole life did you never stop and see a reflection in the water this place is called tadpole pawn i mean [ __ ] sake mallow you have feet how was that not a dead giveaway this jump sucks it's bad enough that this isometric view totally messes with my depth perception but you can desynchronize these platforms meaning that if you try to jump on the first one and accidentally bump into it changing its timing you won't be able to jump onto the next one because they'll never line up and yeah i can reset that by going to the previous screen and back but that's still really annoying when the only thing i get from it is one one frog coin better watch out bowser cause steve's gonna blow you away take this your turn bowser [Music] oh no if he keeps this up i'm finished all right you asked for it the super duper custom patented one and only shooting star shark oops i think i missed what is the geno doll based off of because that looks like a really dangerous toy if it hit mario with that much fortune that far away thanks a million mario say were my treasures okay oh that's great news what a relief what they're gone mario you're the only one who can reach them oh well since we didn't get hit by any arrows i'll tell you a secret enter the forest when you hit an area with four paths go left left straight right in that order okay let me get this straight i basically rob you admit to it and you're telling me where i can find more treasure the that's just straight up donkey kong from donkey kong country what why did monkey in chains what crime does he commit what the [ __ ] is that thing oh no he's not stopping we've got to do something who do you think you are bruce lee whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa bruce lee exists in the mario universe and if he does how does mallow know who he is do they have tvs in tadpole pond did he stop by one day and introduce himself so you're the mario we know about you wow i never thought the pronoun game would involve the word we typically when a character says we we can see which we they're talking about thanks for the help you really got me out of a jam why are you staring at me you know i'm more than just a doll don't you have you guessed the truth i'm a visitor from above and this is a forum i'm borrowing briefly yeah because that's so easy to guess dude this doll suddenly came to life oh it can't just do that there has to be an explanation clearly he must be a visitor from above whatever the hell that means i'm [Music] [Applause] but it's hard to pronounce so call me gino after the doll i chose him because he looked the strongest out of all the dolls that's a hell of a statement coming from someone that kept dying on me because of a shitty defense especially when bowser defends his stupid high and totsula can solo culex mario glad you finally made it to yoster isle home of the mushroom turkey say now that you're here we could use your help please talk to a few of my pals here and what you can't understand them well hop aboard and i'll be your interpreter so does yoshi speak english like i guess so right because in super mario world little buapu's know how to speak right after they've hatched but if that's true why do i need yoshi as an interpreter for these other yoshi how does boshi wear sunglasses i don't care that other yoshi wears shoes or that they're born with them i mean it's a little weird but i draw the line at sunglasses how is he keeping them on oh boy looks like a dead end here but not to worry i've got a bomb never leave home without him why isn't mario doing anything he's just watching croco get away good day the name's nello ponchatello punchinello never heard of you yup that does seem to be a trend in this game don't it it's gonna blow and that was super mario rpg gotta say i don't really get the genohype shows up and then an hour later gets killed in an explosion kinda anticlimactic anyway can i go now well we won the battle now i hope we don't lose the war i'm surprised you didn't lose your life you all survived an explosion at ground zero and only came out covered in soot no damage to any part of your bodies okay i know i normally don't even touch gameplay in these videos but i swear this minecart minigame is a pain to get through you get mushrooms to go faster but then you use them and you go too fast to make a turn so fast that even hitting the brakes in advance doesn't slow you down enough so you may as well not have boosted to begin with but then you have a timer which while it's only keeping track of your best time makes you want to go as fast as you can especially when you have mushrooms to spare but then you use them and you go too fast to make a turn so fast okay i really wasn't gonna bring this up but now i have to this game is super inconsistent with its resolution up until saving dinah and might i play this game on completely legal copy of super mario rpg but it has this weird bug where the completely legal copy of super mario rpg would freeze either on the item screen or on the start pieces screen but it froze again during the minecart section so i'm just like you know what i have the snes classic i'll just completely legally inject my save battery into the snes classic using hack g by plugging in the usb and the clvs file so i don't lose my progress and while editing this i realize that during combat the game is in full eight by seven but on the overworld it's like four by three but with black borders around the screen and that's fine i can just zoom in during these parts not a big deal and the minecart section was fine it's also a full 8x7 except for this part where i'm outside where the screen is only slightly smaller but only at the sides like what i guess you wouldn't realize this on a normal playthrough but it's still there vc will fight [Music] while their pals rest simply choose the two you wish to switch mario must always fight though oh lame i know this game is called super mario rpg but what if i wanted to use bowser toaster and geno as my team oh no you can't cause mario rpg guy who's stupid mario dumb how does booster look more like wario than wario wait mario always shows up about now to ruin the fun you've gotta take that into consideration you know someone go and get the mario doll so wait you had the mario doll so you clearly know who mario is at least in the context of the doll but then when you came face to face with the real mario who looks exactly like the doll you had no idea that was mario ow brain hurts nope it isn't here we can't give up it's gotta be here somewhere number three it's your turn i love that booster's logic for not finding the mario doll behind the curtains is just to send more snippets to look like well maybe if i send more of them it'll finally show up who the hell are these guys so i guess gameplay-wise it makes sense that the game would want me to help bowser in opening the door especially considering i just had to do it not too long ago but why can't bowser just bust down this door by himself i doubt it shut any tighter than booster's tower's door was great now i've dropped my shoes my ring my brooch and my crown you are still wearing both your brooch and your crown i can see them on you this frame right here beats any fan fiction on the internet am i am i fighting a [ __ ] cake right now and while fighting said cake is when i realized booster has nothing to do with this story total lands on or near his tower he has her kidnapped but he has nothing to do with smithy he doesn't have one of the star pieces hell if you manage to not get found by the snippets you never even fight him oh but a cake you gotta fight a cake wait wait did the cake just move wait that's a good point why was bunt alive it had nothing to do with smithy nothing to do with booster even chef torton as apprentice had no idea the cake was somehow alive why did i have to fight a cake isn't this just splendid this place is heaven even for the rich and famous heaven the metaphysical concept of heaven exists in the mario universe and didn't one of the moles in mouldville say speak of the devil when mario walked in does christianity exist in the mario universe clearly there's no god if this thing was allowed to exist mario i hope you know how thankful we are but you must tell me one thing how on earth can you trust bowser trust bowser what are you talking about wait did you guys not know bowser was with us when we walked in here [Music] do the party members actually get absorbed into mario mario huh how did you but i was just you weren't huh also did you not have your parasol with you when you were at boosters tower because if you did why didn't you just float down to safety it's not like you were trapped inside a room you were literally on a balcony what that was it this is like the easiest start piece to get when you think about it no one's blocking my way no one's guarding it i mean hell why is star hill even a location in this game you can find some cute little references i guess but the only thing you have to do here is turn on the star flower so the doors can open and that's not really a challenge why not just have the star piece land in mary moore since we go there anyway to stop booster from marrying toadstool and have the stupid cake guard the star piece or something i got that it probably would have seemed too convenient for that to happen but when things in the story are so disjointed and we go to an area for like two minutes and then never have to come back it just ends up feeling like the story was an afterthought and an rpg no less a star has fallen into the ocean i need it for a certain purpose you must find it for me yeah that doesn't sound like you're gonna stab me in the back at all let's do it [Music] you found the star well done but your journey ends here that guy who the [ __ ] this is just great mario caught up with us only one thing we can do now although we may rest a little we'll have to swim for it not so fast there let's start the gift mario oh i guess we're friends now that's cool and all but how did you even know the star piece was stolen from me is it fair to say this fight aside from water blasts which can go die it's not really that hard literally all i had to do was switch to mallow and toadstool was my partners and i beat him almost no problem but before that i was kicking ass with bowser and geno so this guy just seemed like a huge jump in difficulty especially considering i just fought another boss and there are no other enemies in between [Music] wait so toastel can revive party members by wishing on a star but i thought the whole reason gino was here was because the star road was destroyed meaning that people's wishes can't be granted by stars anymore do you want your fortune told it'll cost 50 coins see the three faces on the wall hit them in any order and you'll receive your fortune screw that guy i could hit these switches whenever i wanted to but no the game makes me pay him first just so i can even hit them at all a star you say oh you're here to see our star she's upstairs so feel free to go take a look for yourself cool this frog coin so climbing these vines isn't hard it's jumping to them that's the problem not only does the isometric view trick your perception of where the vines are supposed to be especially because they look like they're right next to each other but the tops of the vines you're standing on to jump to the next one are pretty small and mario drops like a brick in this game now normally video games have what's known as coyote time or ledge tolerance basically giving players a few frames to jump even after walking off a platform in order to make the controls feel a little more precise despite how imprecise they are but not in this game for this last vine you have to jump at exactly the right time and you'll never make it with the normal jump so you have to run then jump to reach it and hope you're jumping in the right direction or you have to climb up here again only to fail again but even that's not the annoying part the annoying part is that the coin looks like it's right to the side of the vine right wrong because it's slightly in front of the vine meaning that you have to jump off the vine to get it and i know i know you don't need the frog coins but the fact that it's put in this very unassumingly annoying set of circumstances made it impossible for me not to include here the hot springs are up ahead but only royalty can bathe there and you don't look so royal now here's a thought does nimbus land technically belong to the mushroom kingdom because it has its own king and queen and we may not know that yet but even so toadstool is in our party so for them to say that we don't look like royalty it's just well wrong they should specify that only royalty from nimbus land is allowed in then it would make more sense prince malo please sir prince get over here suddenly scorpion can you believe it what a coincidence there's a prince with the same name as me wow malo when you fell from nimbus line you fell hard huh i used to work in the castle you should see the way she hits poor dodo wait so you know who dodo is so you know that's not prince mallow right why aren't you telling anyone else about this halt who goes there yay this doesn't look like valentina at all oh that's because this is a statue of valetina's death yubari mariata okay ah okay proceed whew that was close didn't think we could get through that one there is no such person named mariana uh yeah i got that really clever fib there garo i used to be a guard here until valentino snatched away all my keys and gave me the boot guess i won't be needing this master key anymore would you like it wait so you guys are technically not trapped in here you could have let everyone in here go and let the citizens of nimbusland know what was going on why why didn't you i'm so lonely will you play with me thanks [Music] hello i'm birdo wait so birdo could speak before she was born and why was she born with a bow on her head and with another egg in her hands also why does the egg she was then have red markings instead of pink polka dots like it did in the overworld it's not like you couldn't color it pink birdo's king nimbus is resting in bed absolutely no running in the halls we interrupt super mario rpg to bring you baldi's basics i'm sorry are there jiggle physics in a mario game [ __ ] a mario game a 16 tit i mean bit 16 bit game you had to actually animate that square you horny bastards allow me to introduce everyone this is princess toadstool from mushroom kingdom ah i've heard so much about you may i may i have your autograph don't embarrass you and your dear oh never mind and who is this gentleman here this is mario he helped me from the start i sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart you don't mean the mario jumping mario autograph please that's quite enough dear [Music] okay okay then how about showing me a little jump tiny hop will do no fantastic show me again later and who do we have over here this is bowser leader of the koopa troop [Music] oh another famous person this is just too much i must have your autograph wait why are you such a fan of the bad guy like it's weird enough that you're a fan of all three of the main mario characters but the guy constantly trying to take over the kingdom yes yes i'm quite forgetting my manners well who do we have over here this is gino who i told you about before when would you have had the time to tell him about any of us you rushed in after we defeated valentina and then three seconds later you came out to get us i'm surprised you even said hello to your parents damn the devil may work fast but gyara was faster how did he get all these golden statues of us done so quickly go right ahead please enjoy yourselves but be careful not to fall to the volcano yeah no problem oh god damn it so queen nimbus tells us to find hinopio once we're inside the volcano because he'll be able to help us out but when we get to him he doesn't do anything he's just in charge of the inn and the shop which i guess is useful but you can completely ignore him he doesn't do or say anything that helps us find the next star piece he was just kind of on the way coco some rangers [Music] yo red what my makeup's running get it because she's pink and she's a girl [Music] wait that was it why is the story written this way valentino was a way more interesting character than the axon rangers we actually got time to get to know she was a problem and this time unlike booster we actually got to fight her if you were going to have us come to the volcano why not have her retreat to the volcano and use a star piece to i don't know take over nimbusland or something that's what her main goal was to begin with instead we defeat her she escapes we never see her again and then we have to come to the volcano because well the star piece just randomly landed here the tsar dragon was pretty cool at least we heard about it once before running into it but then like every member of the smithy gang except for maybe yaridovich and xor the axon rangers show up steal the star are defeated maybe two minutes later and we move on no build up hardly a personality and just so removed from anything else that's happened up to this point or anything that will happen later the last star wait the only place left to look is in bowser's keep yeah we know but there's no way to get in believe me we've tried but yes yes even mario can't jump that far all right i'll let you use the that's it dear you should use the royal boss [Music] yes mala the time has come for you to take the bus why when i was your age really are you sure it's all right of course dear i've ordered the repair man to have it fixed by the time you leave wait already you didn't even know i was going to take the bus also the bus needs repairs since when i thought the only reason the bus wasn't operating was because the king was the only one to use it and he was out of commission say will you give me the seed huh i overheard my girlfriend say that to her friend steve the other day i didn't know she was into gardening greetings i am culex dark knight havanda i have crossed into this dimension to fight for the dark mage but this world is uninhabitable for me and my kind i must return to my own world before i go though i would like to challenge your strongest knight will you accept my challenge you will enter combat against me on god you're also a [ __ ] and an anti-bitch because i bodied you with princess toadstool all by herself she is the strongest knight of this dimension able to solo culex dark night of vanda i don't wanna hear [ __ ] about her getting kidnapped by bowser again hey mario did you remember to use a save point there's plenty of danger up ahead so it's best to save now you need anything i've got some items to sell oh i guess we're cool now uh when did that happen that's bahamut in this game you're a goofy ass barney the dinosaur looking [ __ ] my guy you used to be scary watch this [Music] huh i wonder what that means it sure is so you are the notorious mario i'm impressed you made it this far i didn't think you could oh this must be smithy okay boomer who the [Music] increasing speed [Music] god damn dude how tall is the ceiling i'm fighting a clock now okay what do you suppose this switch does nothing's happening huh what's with the funny face mario oh i know you try to make me look aren't you i'm not gonna fall for that one help me mario [Music] boy that was scary i guess the great switch controls the crane oh my god yeah i guess so you stupid bastard i finally made it up here let me help you guys out how did you even get here you would have had to somehow make it to bowser's keep even though the bridge was out go through four of the six challenges inside the castle make your way to the top of the tower by grabbing onto a chandelier go inside xor assuming he was still knocked out and go through this whole gauntlet and smithy's dimension all by yourself while carrying a bunch of [ __ ] we can buy from you this toad is either solid snake or god oh my god this is the third shovel night without a body recolor in a row i've had to fight can i fight something else mario i'm surprised to see you here but this is the end of the line for you this is the closest you'll ever get to smithy so savor the moment haromf isn't that the dude who created punch out no that's genyo isn't gangnyoke the dude that created the d-pad no that's gunpei yokoi whatever at this point i'm just chugging this thing isn't an actual firearm with an egg on top of it hey there's the last star piece what where oh on his body so small compared to the other ones i thought that was just part of smithy's design what the [ __ ] is that thing in the background that's the kind of thing creepypastas are made of never have i been so wrong it is time i will show you my real form so long as your real form doesn't look like and of course it does [Music] i am inevitable [Music] oh hey luigi good to see you in the credits of this game and not playable even though there's no reason you shouldn't be [Music] [Music] hey everyone char i5 here thanks so much for watching my cinema sins past teach of everything wrong with super mario rpg i'd like to thank my supporters on patreon and my channel members if you want to be featured in future videos then consider helping me out a little bit each month or hit that join button to those who do support stay awesome you guys should head over to cinemasons the awesome people that i pastiche they also host sister channels that cover music videos brands and other topics if you have some time why not check out what i've thought about super mario world until next time stay safe and stay awesome this is jar i5 signing off

Channel: Charriii5

Views: 208,861

Keywords: EWW, Charriii5, Minus World, Super Mario RPG, Super Mario Legend of the Seven Stars, mario rpg, mario snes, super nintendo games, geno, geno in smash, mallow, prince mallow, mallow mario, mallow mii costume leak, mario booster, mario rpg valentina, nimbus land theme, mario rpg super boss, mario rpg ost, forest maze, mario rpg super suit, mario rpg speedrun, mario rpg smithy, mario rpg culex, boshi, yoster isle, princess toadstool, king bowser, how to play super mario rpg

Id: l81uxMO_nHo

Length: 37min 14sec (2234 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 07 2021