Everything Wrong With Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Part 1

man I cannot wait to find out what happened to Luke Han and may half but return to the jet episode 1 episode 1 does that mean the story's going backwards literally and figuratively also reading also I didn't read any of that let alone comprehend it a New Hope's first scene battle of Vader overtaking Leia ship Empire's first scene Hoth battle Return of the Jedi first scene Tatooine rescue but this movie's first seen political ambassador is part of an envoy to talk about trade blockades funny since the days of episode 4 which is technically after this movie's events how much extra technology this era has over its successor Israelis when our high-ranking political guests have to walk at the slowest pace of a droid like this maybe we've taken the robot workers concept too far I have a bad feeling about this come with me if you want to live also Liam Neeson isn't killing anyone in this scene also god dammit the stupid-ass rat tail I thought various ponytails were for either preventing hair from getting in the way were to be cool this is neither discuss he mindful of the Living force young padawan why would the Chancellor send obvious Jedi to the Trade Federation when it's pretty obvious they would never agree to enter the same room with him sending Jedi to something like this is almost like declaring war but at least make them not dress like Jedi so it can be a surprise eliminated blue eyes because killing Jedi is easy we're on it boss can you send gas to just one room when you feed it into the air-conditioning system or was this room created by Spectre to execute people you don't like on a whim not only does this [ __ ] not wait long enough for the Jedi to be dead but he also thinks dead Jedi need further destruction these mothers had these Jedi in here all with pretty much nowhere to go the room is filled with gas they have no reason to open this door at all even if you think they might lightsaber their way through the door why not just have your droids waiting to gun them down as they did that check it out corporal we'll cover you robot soldiers have core please here's your action in a nutshell Jedi mowing down mindless minions making a mockery of middling mechanisms are you going on Tom though you might be expecting me to send these characters obviously racist accents and fun I will but I'm more interested in sitting how an advanced ship like this could possibly lose all transmission from the affected area you don't have a back-up camera or hallway gear why not just do that for the whole army what did this exactly do anyway are they dead unconscious are we about to see them reboot like all terminators do all this destruction and there isn't any smoke scratch marks burns or anything marking a battle took place other than some ruined droids if you want to know why subconsciously you were hating this movie it's little details like that did someone open a dusty chest where the spare droid was just lying around I pretty fly this is impossible this guy doesn't understand what impossible means more Jedi Master destroy us this movie suddenly becomes like a video game with the bad guys send new enemies for the hero to fight but just two of them so the game doesn't get too challenging too fast are they watching this footage in the door that was nearly melted by qui-gon just a second ago shoot some gas in there I see they applied Natalie Portman's board makeup oh wait let's not make up a communications disruption can mean any one thing invasion what do you not know about asteroids and other space anomalies our communication is always perfect for you [ __ ] the senator would revoke that trade franchise and they'd be finished you're still talking about this why didn't this movie start off with Jedi doing real jedi thing with the political theater firmly in the background gives about this stuff but I will condone this hairdo I'm sporting which surely cost gobs of government dollars but whatever I'm guessing in 2019 George Lucas will want to add some more lizards to this shot so that will finally be complete this is basically Jurassic avatar so look of course we're going to raise this in total by a hundred just because of Jar Jar Binks but as we all know Jar Jar is just a symptom of a far greater evil going on with these movies blissfully unaware of what makes a positive impact glad we could see the camera follow this chunk of sprites falling to the ground to add to our enjoyment I think this movie is discount Digga my scene was so cheap it might as well be from Spaceballs Jedi I can only go underwater if you had the help of some they stole from Q at mi6 Darger is the friendliest song of the south character of the modern era yousa goen tada bosses doo doo this time yousa in big dudu dis time you can see it right the green screen studio Ewan McGregor and Liam Neeson are standing in a droid army is about to attack we must warn resound or like wait I thought Naboo was the name of the planet you and the Naboo form a symbiont circle what happens to one of you will affect the other you must understand this it appears that the Gungans and the Naboo are completely separate from each other these guys live in what is basically a secret underwater city and do fine without one another so I don't get it a speediest way to the Naboo he's going to be bland that cool this place is basically earth right the planet core isn't going to be ridiculously hot or anything okay also the whole reason the Clone Army came down to Naboo was to fight the people here but they decided to land on the other side of the planet thing why is it so we could see Star Wars turn into Finding Nemo before Finding Nemo existed he knows me would you call a life-debt your gods demand that his life belongs to me no I know this because I know everything about your culture I just learned existed five minutes ago I mean seriously he just had this exchange with obi-wan it's Master what's a bongo transporter but now he's suddenly an expert on Gungan law get out of here you know some folks say Lucas got bogged down in his world creation with the prequels and those people are onto something and not entirely wrong this underwater craft built by an underwater civilization has no mechanism for detecting ginormous fish that might be swimming behind it within swallowing distance 20,000 Jedi under the sea a big thing that ate a smaller thing gets eaten by an even bigger thing cliche we're not even 20 minutes in and these hologram meetings make me want to stab the movie screen with Twizzlers I have the Senate bogged down in procedures they will have no choice but to accept your control of the system why you didn't tell him about the missing Jedi no need to report that to him until we have something to report and obviously the reigning Sith Lord can't sense Jedi activity on his own so we're gravy baby well this is a comic don't worry the force will guide us the force also guided you to nearly getting eaten by a goober fish just a second ago why don't we trust this force anyway obi-wan fixes the ship by playing with a couple of wires seems legit relax qui-gon waits 20 minutes into this movie to do this why are these invading ships attacking in a straight line instead of a super wide front Viceroy we have captured the Queen [Music] Victoria Wheatley captured the Queen without a fight that's not so much of victory as it is a forfeit jar jar a sub containing two Jedi pops up to the surface of a downtown Naboo waterway and no one notices this is actually fake Queen Amidala played by Keira Knightley and this trailing servant is actually Natalie Portman the real Queen which you only really notice on your second or third viewing but my question is what are you doing watching this a second a third time I'm curious about many things in this shot most importantly the reason why it looks fake ish these birds are flying to join the Birdemic I'll let you debate which movie is better you can argue that it's a huge coincidence the two Jedi show up in Naboo at the same time the Queen is being whisked away and at the same spot but someone's just gonna show up in the comments schooling you on midi-chlorians so why bother we should leave the street your highness so absolutely no one from the federation except a bunch of droids we're ensuring the Queen got to the right place they need her to sign a treaty to make this invasion of theirs legal they can't afford to kill her what they mean her to sign a treaty to make the invasion of her home planet legal movie substitutes the previous robot action scenes in like we won't notice one ship is going to attempt to go through a planetary blockade with the Queen in tow in other news I just beat LeBron James one-on-one with one hand tied behind my back my left shoe tied to my right shoe and playing with a football when I was on offense every Droid but r2d2 gets shot off the surface of the ship like bottles on Kid Rock's fence r2 though that there was indestructible of course and that's saying nothing about these droids crazy ability to drive on the exterior surface of a moving spaceship you can't get the shield generator fixed we'll be sitting ducks aren't you already you're right in front of the blockade with a million ships tearing you down how are they missing you deflector shields up at maximum so this movie is saying if you have a shield generator you can easily survive a blockade also once you escape a planetary blockade no one comes after you and one that designed why does it matter if the treaty gets signed or not aren't you evil do you care about laws and also movie steals the treaty excitement from one exciting treaty base movie I wanna know how Holograms actually work is there a booth you step inside from the Emperor's perspective does he see these two guys sitting down as holograms on opposite sides of a table if so what at this table is broadcasting them all so what's up with this hologram technology that Darth Maul could be standing a few feet behind his master and not be seen but step forward and reveal himself extremely well-put-together little droid your highness the Queen has time to recognize droid heroism r2d2 your highness yay r2d2 I remember that little guy I completely forget that the first 28 minutes of this movie was about pre disputes the hyperdrive generators gone master we'll need a new one that'll complicate things and the screenwriter saw that it was good and it was good we're on a stealth mission so let's bring the slow asteroid in the clumsy court jester Jar Jar brilliant fine even if this movie is for kids even if Jar Jar was made for kids no matter what excuse you give me the stepping and scene is basically a metaphor for the whole franchise name one great kids movie that has a scene like this go ahead I'm waiting don't touch anything Dictionary is unsatisfactory in coming up with the right words of anger for this scene are you an angel thus began the least believable on-screen romance since Anakin and Padme in attack of the clones wait if you subscribe to the brand-new and totally insane internet theory that Jar Jar was originally intended to be a Yoda like evil Jedi Master this whole time how do you explain this Three's Company book credits will do fine no what do you think you're some kind of Jedi waving it around like that this didn't work against Java and it didn't work against this pissant so if the force is only good against the weak-minded what good is it it should be able to take down some smarter creatures too if it's worth a damn wouldn't have lasted long anyways if I wasn't so good at building things character backstory disguised as whining is that Rito in the background why can't that [ __ ] be shooting his trigger-happy gun right now when the body meets a body coming through the CG huh yes go Sebulba japako oh man DISA aren't you supposed to be cleaning the racks how did you get out of your child labor obligations to go save Jar Jar this storm will slow them down looks pretty bad it does I mean I hear wind sound effects and the picture is a tiny bit blurry but as a viewer I've been given no indication of a super serious sudden sandstorm or its severity when we have back to where Shu is Anakin is allowed to walk around with qui-gon everywhere he goes now because he saved the most annoying character in the movie from a fight how these characters all end up together is hardly organic Jar Jar does nothing except be oppressed so they keep it Anakin saves that [ __ ] so they keep it remember how Luke and Han became a team it came out of need these characters get to tag along because the script says so because sandstorms are very very dangerous and this sandstorm happened to coincide with the time when the Jedi and company were humoring a little bored tour guide the rest of all the Star Wars can happen great so Anakin built c-3po also the odds of them being in the same narrative by the time a new hope rolls around are astronomical he takes a character introduction that should feel epic and makes it feel what's the opposite of epic a death toll is catastrophic as is this bill I just got for hologram communications it's absolutely through the roof Jar Jar misses the Apple but he's definitely an [ __ ] I'm the only human who can do it you must have Jedi reflexes if you race bomb racing it's no different for NASCAR or Formula One the only human you can do it just another explanation for qui gonn to recruit this kid into the Jedi Academy the prize money would more than pay for the parts they need basically Star Wars turned into one of those 80s sitcoms where the characters need $10,000 and they find out there's a dance competition where they can win $10,000 he was meant to help you thank god Jar Jar got curious about some bullsh accidentally started a fight with some [ __ ] and Anakin was around to save him even though I still don't think he cleaned those racks hologram budget exceeds 50 million what if this plan fails master by the way a movie sticks obi-wan on this ship doing nothing the entire time on Tatooine that's exactly what we wanted to see the badass character from the original trilogy dude now didn't we there's something about this boy why can't they Jedi talk to each other why do they need these little radios who was his father there was no father Wow way to Jesus Christ the Anakin character you know it would have been way more interesting almost any mysterious character from the galaxy impregnating you and then leaving you could have even made that a big surprise reveal in the third movie somehow anything about this quiet baby greed oh you're lucky we even let you hold the paddle this movie is officially coming to a dead stop what's happened so far twenty-eight minutes about taxes and another 15 minutes or so of the brown bunny when we watched Vincent Gallo wash his car in real time 35 second long conversation about midi-chlorians is 36 seconds too long they need a midi-chlorian count hey you remember when you watch the original trilogy and you thought man if I could believe in the force I could be a Jedi well turns out Jedi creation depends on whether or not you have a lot of something really dumb called midi-chlorians in your bloodstream how does an evil ship with a Sith Lord on it land on this planet without radar Jedi intuition picking it up as usual in these movies only the bad guys have autonomous probes I wager my new racing pod against say the boy and his mother oh I see qui-gon either knows for a fact that Anakin will win the race or he's literally risking everything on a hunch either way sit qui-gon practises the Jedi way and cheats at the dice throat he should just use his Jedi powers to sabotage the race if he's gonna subvert honesty anyway I can show you they will never get me onto one of those dreadful starships I love how strange evil flying drones are able to wander this planet without anyone thinking it's weird or shady the first Star Wars accomplished and established more in 20 minutes than this movie has in an hour here's a hundred cents Sebulba sabotages Anakin's podracer in front of thousands of spectators yet no one sees a thing you ever since cinemasins began the most requested thing has been TV since and now it's a reality click the link in the description below to check it out

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 2,173,572

Keywords: eww, everything wrong with the phantom menace, Star Wars (Film Series), Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (Film), cinema sins, review, everything wrong with, movie review, cinemasins, wave jockey job

Id: yxAXZGOzEg8

Length: 13min 56sec (836 seconds)

Published: Sat Apr 06 2019