(bright pop music) - I love champagne, kitties and lipstick. Meow.
(cat meows) - I love corn dogs, but
there's nothing corny about me. I feel like I can't hear right now. - I like to steal things with
my tiny human-like hands, and I live for trash. (crickets chirping) I'm a raccoon.
(all laughing) (raccoon chittering) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) Welcome to the Rank King Reality TV. I'm your Rank King, Eugene, and this is my Rank Wife.
- Becky. - And my Rank Sister Wife.
- Alexandria. (laughs) - However, I am the Rank
King, so even though I will let you have your say, in the end, I will close ranks and decide
the official final ranking. - Patriarchy, am I right? (garbled speech) Patriarchy, am I right? - No, don't make it about that. (women laughing) Now it is very hard to whittle down all the most famous reality TV shows, because there are so many of them. But our criteria was to
make sure that they had at least 10 seasons,
which includes spinoffs. What I've done is I've divided
all the reality TV shows into eight different categories, four shows each, so that we
could rank those individually, and then combine the best
ones to get a final ranking. We are judging the shows based
on three different things. One, the concept, number two, cast, and finally, number
three, and potentially, most importantly, how trashy is it? (raccoon chittering) Is it just that right type of trashy, where you need more? And like every good reality show, you need a catchphrase,
and mine is, of course. - [Both] I'm right, you're wrong, shut up. - No, I'm right, you're wrong-
(Becky gasps) Shut up.
- No. I'm right, you're wrong, shut up. - I think I'm right,
you're wrong, shut up. (Becky laughs) - Wow, I didn't like her tone. The first round, singing and
dancing competition shows. ♪ Whoa, whoa ♪ "American Idol." What do we think about the concept? - I think it's original. It was probably the first, correct? - Well, here's what I
don't love about this show. Like it was on forever,
they ended the show, they had a big farewell season, and then they brought it back. - You're right.
- Just let it die. - And although I love the
guest hosts they've had, like Nicki and Mariah, and Katy, I think that the format
has grown a little stale. Now Ryan Seacrest, he works his ass off. - I think there's two of him. (garbled speech) I think
there's two of him. - You think there's two Ryan Seacrests? - Yeah.
- There must be two. (eerie music) - Because he's on the radio every morning. - Yeah.
- Yeah. - And he has all these other shows. He's a producer on "Keeping
Up with the Kardashians." - There's two Ryan Seacrests.
- Yeah. - And one of them is a merman. (water splashing) The perfect last name for a merman. Think about it. Ryan Seacrest. - Uh-huh.
(crickets chirping) - He's a merman.
- Mm-hmm. - The amphibious one
comes out, does Kiss FM. - Yeah.
- So let's just put it in the middle for right now.
- Okay. - So next, we have "The X Factor." "American Idol" has many
iterations internationally and so does "The X Factor." - Yeah. "X Factor"'s how we got 1D. - [Eugene] And how we got Little Mix. - What is that? - One of my favorite pop groups. You don't know who Little Mix is? - [Alexandria] The British Fifth Harmony. - But before Fifth Harmony. The one thing I like about "X Factor" that is gonna be more
present in other shows is that the judges have their
own little internal tiffs about I didn't win last year,
so I'm gonna try to do better. I like that some of that more cast drama. - "American Idol" cornered the market on stand there and sing. This is making stars. - She's right. It's a better show. - Did you like One Direction? - Yes. - Okay, so we're putting that up here. - Who doesn't like One Direction? You're not even American if
you don't like One Direction. - The next singing competition
show we have is "The Voice." So "The Voice"'s main
thing with the concept is that they do blind auditions. - What I like is after they do that, if more than one person hits the buzzer, then the person who's singing gets to pick what judge they wanna go with. - The problem is is that
it is solely interesting because of the auditions. - Yeah, it's not fun to watch after that, and they haven't really
helped anyone's career. - Just Melanie Martinez.
(bell ringing) The trashiness of these
shows seem to be pretty low. - Yeah.
- That's why I think this fourth one is a great addition. - Burn it on fire, just get a match. - "Dancing with the Stars." Holy cow, the trash level,
because the casting, half the time-
- It's so gross. - Is stunt.
- Well, this season, they had Carole Baskin.
- Carole Baskin. And who'd they have last, Sean Spicer. - Sean Spicer. They had Spicey.
- Yeah. (dramatic music) - That's not okay. If Trump is on next season,
I will light my TV on fire. (eerie music)
(fire crackling) - Where would you put it in this ranking? - All the way at the end. - I would put it above "The Voice." (Becky gasps) Because I will watch a
whole season of this. - Whoa. - I won't watch a whole
season of "The Voice," never. - Okay, pop it in there.
- So, here we go. For this next category is
shows about real people. So the first option, of course,
classic, "The Real World." - [Becky] Eight strangers
picked to live in a house. - But I watched all the first few seasons. - I loved, I still watch "Real World." - When it first came out, especially with the San Francisco season, they showed, for the first time, Pedro- - We have to look that up.
- A cast member who was HIV+. - Over the past few years,
Pedro became a member of all of our families. Now, no one in America can say
they've never known someone who's living with AIDS. - And it was one of the first shows that had LGBT people
living in the same house with others and a very
diverse cast racially. Okay, so "The Real World" keeps it real. - I put it up there.
- It's been real for like, years and years.
- I love "Real World." - As one of the first in its category. All right, another show with real people under one roof, "Big Brother." - Yes, yes, yes, yes, getting lit. I think you wanna see conniving people and people being like
sneaky in competition, you watch "Big Brother." - I have to get them to despise me. - You know what? Maybe that's what your
mom means when she says, they've all gotten mean,
is that, unfortunately, they might be casting
that one magical villain. - Yeah.
- It may be too much of those bad people are
being cast constantly. - Mm-hmm.
- Yeah. Let's put it below "Real World." - [Becky] Let's put it below "Real World." - All right, next, "Shark Tank." They're entrepreneurs.
- They invest in a startup. - Like Mark Cuban, the bald guy- - The blonde lady.
- The blonde lady. The other dude.
- The Fubu guy. - Yes, they have everyday people come, and pitch their products. - And we get real things from
it. We got squatty potty. - Squatty potty was "Shark Tank"? Shit. Literally. (dramatic music)
(woman farting) Where it has strengths in concept, maybe a little less strength in cast? Like it's more about product,
so where would you put this? - I'd put it second. - I'd put it between the two.
- I would agree. I'd like to keep "Real World" at the top. Okay, whoa, and finally,
our category of real people. - The realest of the real.
- The realest of the real. "Jersey Shore."
- Oh, I brought my board game. I had a period of time
when I was unemployed, and I watched all 10 seasons, and now, I can play this trivia
game anytime and I can win. - I still think the most
iconic scene of reality TV is Snooki reading that
letter that she wrote, when she typed out a letter
about, was it Ronnie, like rubbing his face in someone's breasteses?
- It was like, Dear Sammi, the other night at bed. - Put his head in between a
cocktail waitresses' breasts. - Ronnie has his face in between two cocktail
waitresses' breasts. - And she read it so seriously. - Y'all, the trash level on
this show is through the roof. - She was being a nuisance, like really? I didn't even know there
was a charge for that. - I'm a (beeps) good person. - It's the best, though. - "Jersey Shore" is second. - Oh.
- That's fair. - Next up, we have cooking shows. The first, "Top Chef." It's a pure competition
show, where the talent and the contestants are serious about it. - You're rooting for everyone. - Exactly.
- You're not trying to like, get the trash from here. - But I also love Padma's "Jonathan.
(melancholy music) "Please pack your knives and go." (dramatic music)
- Pack your knives and go. - Okay, now let's go in the
opposite end of nice hosts. "Hell's Kitchen."
- It's (beeps). - Won't even talk about concept. Let's talk about Gordon, the star. - I love Gordon. - Gordon Ramsey.
- Yeah. - He looks like a giant thumb. (whimsical music)
Like remember the Thumb-Thumbs from "Spy Kids"? He looks just like that,
but I also love him. - And he is someone who I
feel like is mean for cameras. - He's also a really good family man, like he's always blessing
his kids and supporting them. - [Becky] He roasts people
on TikTok and it's very cute. - He's very up with the social media. - He's up with the kids. Also, he gave us the
iconic, ready, Eugene? What are you?
(Eugene laughs) - What are you? - An idiot sandwich. - I'm an idiot sandwich.
- Yeah. - Do you think it's above "Top Chef"? - For me, it is.
- Yeah. I think, for me, "Hell's
Kitchen" is gonna go lower than "Top Chef" because I enjoy
"Kitchen Nightmares" more. - This is based on star power alone. Gordon Ramsey puts this above "Top Chef." - [Becky] Whoa. - Next show, "Chopped." "Chopped" concept is incredible. It's basically, you bring
in four amateur chefs, you give them a basket
with one cuckoo ingredient. You got rice, you got
chicken, and Jolly Ranchers. - I love this show. I love that like, there's
always a little bit of drama. - Food Network and HGTV and Discovery, they have what I call hotel shows, for the fact it doesn't really have much of a stand-out cast. I would put it at the bottom. All right, and the final cooking show, "The Great British Bake Off." Don't even need to talk
about it, number one. - Yay, number one.
- Thank you very much. - Thank you, thank you.
- Are you gonna argue that? - No.
- Do you watch this? - I don't hate it, I
just never got into it, but I do miss the trash. I need the trash.
(raccoons chittering) - Concept, great. Cast, amazing. It's the opposite of trash,
but it's on the same spectrum. It almost comes around. I call it twee.
(bright orchestral music) - What does twee mean?
- Yeah, what, twee? - Kind of like British Kawaii. It's scratching the same
itch as trash, but with twee. (dogs growling)
Something that you start craving like an addiction. Hey, Kim.
(dramatic music) - Relax, Kimberly. - Do you like "Great British Bake Off"? - [Becky] Do you like
"Great British Bake Off"? - He looks like he's dressed for it. - He does. What are you going to be making
for your showstopper today? - I'm going to make... - Soggy.
- Soggy bottom biscuits. - No soggy bottoms. - [Paul] No. - Soggy bottom.
- Soggy bottom. - Number one. - I think I need to watch it more. - You do.
- It sounds great. - Yeah.
- Yeah. - "Bake Off," number one
food show in our book. Where'd he go? (talking over each other)
(all laughing) - He was like, ah!
- He was like, I'm not part of this parody anymore. (energetic electronic whirring) The next category, which I believe is one of their favorites, these are shows about rich people. - [Both] Yay! - Not my personal category, so I'm gonna let them fight it out. Starting with the iconic,
"Real Housewives." (both women cheering) - [Alexandria] It's rich women. You don't even have to be a housewife. You don't have to be married. - [Becky] No. - And you have to be fairly rich, or you have to be pretending to be rich. - So there's a concept
of being house rich, or being like money rich. So money rich, meaning you can go out and you can travel and
you spend money on things. Bethany, season one of "Real
Housewives of New York," is money rich.
- The crazy season was "Real Housewives of D.C." Do you remember Obama's very first, I forgot which dinner it was. It was one of the very first
dinners that he hosted? - What I know is what everybody knows, which is that these people should not have gotten through the gate. - It was this fake rich
couple from the show. - So then, this is the type
of show that you know is good because people can talk
about this for hours. Once you get to a fight scene, those transcend space and time. - Go to sleep, go to sleep! Are you crazy? - What's the one where
Teresa in Jersey is about- - [Alexandria] I was gonna say- - [All] Prostitution whore! - Prostitution whore, you
were (beeps) engaged 19 times. (glasses rattling)
(beeps) Stupid bitch. - Prostitution whore!
- What about the leg? - I was gonna say.
- The only thing fake- - Aviva.
- Aviva. - About me is this.
- Is this. - I'll crawl out, here, go ahead. (crowd gasping)
Go ahead, Heather, okay? - [Woman] Oh my God. - It sounds like it's gonna be hard to beat "The Real Housewives" for number one, right?
- Yes. - So I'm putting them
right here for right now. - I think it's a perfect show. - Yeah.
- Whoa-oh. - Not just reality. It's just a perfect show. - We're gonna go to one that
recently stopped filming, "Keeping Up with the Kardashians." (Alexandria sighing) Now this is in your wheelhouse,
'cause you love E! Shows. - Yes. That's why I wore this dress. (group laughs)
(angelic music) 'Cause we had a lot of really
dramatic, strong women. - Don't be (beeps) rude. - That fought all the
time, but they had money. Like when Kim got her first Bentley, and she yelled at her sisters
that they were just jealous. - You are just so jealous
that you cannot get a Bentley and you're trying to
ruin my moment for me. - God, I hate it. - There are a few people I dislike more than the Kardashians. - I know, but it's one of those things, you love to hate them.
- No. (garbled speech) No. - Kim, would you stop
taking pictures of yourself? Your sister's going to jail. - So are you gonna keep up with them and put them above the housewives? - No.
- Hell no. - Or let them go below the housewives?
- Let them go below. - Well, let's go on to "The Hills." - Ooh.
(Becky gasps) - Which-
- I love "The Hills." - Why?
- You know what you did. - What did I do?
- You know what you did. - What did I do? - Because it had Lauren.
- Yes. - Like after she left and
we got Kristin Cavallari, who I do like, but you
don't wanna watch a villain be the center of a show,
it kinda went downhill. - And this gave us the iconic
single mascara teardrop. - Yes.
- I can forgive, but I'll never forget.
- Forget. - I wanna forgive you,
and I wanna forget you. - I have a confession. Whenever I see a show with
lots of blonde people, my eyes just kind of glaze over. - [Becky] Hey, some of these
white people are brunettes. - Which ones?
- Audrina. (crickets chirping) - Who was she?
(both laugh) Was she the brunette? - These are my three favorite shows.
- Boom, boom, boom. Oh, these are your three favorite shows? - Whoa.
- I think so. I think, out of everything we're doing. - Final wealth porn,
"Million Dollar Listing." - Before you sent that email, I had never heard of this show before. - You've never seen
"Million Dollar Listing"? So this is the real estate agents. The concept is, showing their lives, but also really focusing
on the wealth porn. - It's a good show, but I want, like, I like "Selling Sunset." I wanna see the crazy rich houses, but I want the drama, too. - [Woman] You didn't get
married to get divorced. You know?
- Can we stop? - Dropping "Million Dollar
Listing" to the bottom. So the question is, is
"Kardashians" or "The Hills" better? - I mean, they're American royalty. (Eugene gagging) - I am gonna go with
my original assumption that even though everything
is kind of scripted on reality, I feel like "The Hills" felt a little more scripted. I'm putting "Kardashians" second. For the next round.
- Are you burping? (burps) - All right, the next
category is adventure shows. You can't have this
category without "Survivor." - [Alexandria] I haven't
watched this since season one. (brakes squealing)
- What? - But I do remember the
prize for the first season was $1 million and that really ugly car. I think it was called the Aztec. - We forget-
- Amazing. - That this was one of the first shows, if not the first show that
had the tribunal aspect. - 13th person voted out and the 6th member of our jury, Erik. - Even if you remember the first season, Richard Hatch won. He was the villain of the show. - [Alexandria] Yeah. - To let it be in the
end the way Mother Nature intended it be, for the
snake to eat the rat. - And they're so hungry.
- They're so hungry. - They're so hungry. - I have a little peanut
butter, chocolate. (group yelling) - The gameplay, you can't-
- Yeah, you can't beat it. - This is probably the most
award-winning reality show. "The Amazing Race." "The Amazing Race" is interesting, because it's like if Spielberg
directed a reality game show. - Yeah.
- Across multiple continents, countries, they're flying in between. When it comes to cast,
I can't even remember the name of the host. - There's a host?
(bell rings) - I would say that where it is impressive from a production standpoint- (dramatic music)
(woman grunting) It is less exciting
from a drama standpoint. - [Man] Oh my God, my ox is broken. - So I would say this just
underneath "Survivor." Now the third show we have in adventure category is "The Challenge." It once was called "Real
World/Road Rules Challenge," and then became- - (mumbling) "Real World/Road Rules"- - "Real World"-
- This is, I believe, one of the longest reality shows ever. (group yelling) I think younger people are watching this. 'Cause do you still watch TV
shows? That's the question. - I don't think-
- (laughs) Yeah. - Down there. Go down there. - We'll put it down here right now. And the last adventure show we have. - Put it at that.
- "Naked and Afraid." - I hate it. My dad, it's a dad show. My dad'll put it on, and he'll
just leave it on for hours and I'm like, these people are naked, but they are not afraid. Nobody's gonna die, they're
not gonna let you die. You're being filmed. What, are you gonna starve to death and Jonathan's gonna be like zooming in? No. (garbled speech) No. They're not afraid. The show is a lie. Put it at the bottom, I hate it. - So this should be "Naked and"- - "Naked and Confused."
(all laughing) And they're not actually naked. Like we don't see anyone's
boobies, penises or vaginas. If it was really "Naked and Afraid," I'd wanna see someone's dick flailing- - [Alexandria] I don't wanna see that. - [Becky] Slapping both
sides of their legs. - Hunger Gamesing each other. - Running with their boobs
flopping them in the head. - But I hate when they
go to tropical climates and they're covered in mosquitoes, or like the giant cockroaches
that like crawl on your head. - What if one went in your butt? You would like it if a
cockroach went up your butt? - No, of course not.
- Oh. You made face like-
- I was just like- - I thought you might be into it. (laughs) - "Naked and Afraid"
is going to the bottom. I think that's the order. So we have shows about relationships. And you can't have this conversation without the most surprising- (all laughing) (man burping) The most dramatic season ever of... - [All] "The Bachelor." - I would like to know why
people love "The Bachelor." - 'Cause we love love. - We do love love.
- You love love. - So I didn't start
watching "The Bachelor" until Juan Pablo's season
because he was so hated, he was such a terrible
guy, but I have to say, I have a friend who works on the show, and he says all the love is real. Like the dates and everything are set up, but the emotion is real. - It kills me to see you like this, but I just, I'm so sorry. - I love "The Bachelor." I'm more of a fan of "The Bachelorette." We actually specifically only
watched "The Bachelorette" because we were like, ugh,
I don't really wanna see 30 women fighting for one
man, but 30 men fighting for one woman sounds good. - Well, now that we're talking about it, we divided them up into
two different shows. Which one's better? - "The Bachelorette." - I agree. I think "Bachelor" has
trashier drama, which I love, but I do love that "The Bachelorette," the women are calling the shots. "The Bachelorette" has way more successful couples than "The Bachelor." Except for Chad, there haven't
been any horrible people. - When you go home, you
think I can't find you? - He was crazy.
- And Luke P. - Luke P., oh my God. - This is a pile of bologna. - Which one's better?
- "Bachelorette." - "Bachelorette" better
show than "The Bachelor." Another show, "Teen Mom." Did you guys watch "Teen Mom"? - Almost all of it.
- Yeah. (Eugene laughs)
I watched a lot of it. - "Teen Mom" is actually a spinoff. It's really real. There's no fake activities they're doing. They're not really
interacting with each other. All the leads have become
friends over the years because it's been 10 years. But this is just like real life. Like the producers are there to almost more support these people. - It says yes.
- Yeah! - I never watched much of
"Teen Mom," but I do know that few episodes I saw made me sad. It's certainly not trash entertainment. (raccoon chittering) So for the purposes of our criteria, we're putting these two shows,
keeping them at the top. "Married at First Sight." - I love this show. - [Shop Clerk] Who's the lucky lady? - I don't know her yet. - Thousands of people apply for this show, and they really are trying
to find your perfect match. So you're legally getting married to them on the first episode, and so, they're seeing each other at
the altar for the first time. - Ugh.
- God. - [Alexandria] And so, you're
seeing their true reaction. - Ugh. - [Alexandria] And some
people, you could tell- - They're disappointed.
- They think the other person's not
attractive right away, or yeah. - Oh no.
- It's really sad when you can tell they're disappointed. - I don't know if my
husband is attracted to me. - But the trash is good, because
you end up getting people who kind of lied during their interviews, or they seemed really
cool beforehand, but now, they just are very mean to their partners. - You don't initiate anything. You just do basic like Caucasian sex. - Well, I guess we're gonna put "Married at First Sight" right here. I want a show called "The Divorcee." (angelic music)
It's a couple getting divorced but to actually decide who gets what, like I want the dog, they have to do a physical challenge. - It's like "The Lake House." - And the spinoff's
called "The Gay Divorcee." (angelic music) Style and transformation shows. In this category, wanna be on top? ♪ You wanna be on top ♪ - "America's Next Top
Model," very simple concept. You're trying to find the
top model, Tyra's the host. This show is so entertaining. - America's next top model is. Hello. He is crazy to say that there is no room for short girls in the industry. (girls cheering)
- There are a lot of problematic things
when you look back at it. - Yes.
- Certainly, some of the shoots were not
really well thought out. - And Noelle, we're making you into a traditionally African
woman with a headwrap. - In terms of the characters,
Tyra became sort of like this, almost like parody of herself. - Yeah, she did. We were rooting for you. - [Both] We were all rooting for you. - I was rooting for you. We were all rooting for you. How dare you! - And it was just like good, trashy drama. (rock music)
(record scratching) - I don't wanna watch. - This is a competition. This is not "America's
Next Top Best Friend." - You embraced-
(body thudding) Oh my God! - One of the first
Frankensteined reality shows, lots of different things we
love about reality shows in one. So this is pretty high up there. I'm gonna put this over
toward the top right now. All right, the next show.
♪ Wanna be on top ♪ - "The Biggest Loser." (dramatic music) - I don't love this show.
- No. - I do love that people are
turning their lives around. But for some reason,
I never wanna go back. - I think it's good to have
shows that are oriented on things like health, however, I think that this veered
more on the negative. - I don't care if you
both die on this floor. You better die looking good. - So I'm gonna put this a
little towards the bottom. All right, "Say Yes to the Dress." - Aw.
- I love this show. - I like "Say Yes to the Dress." - This is my ultimate stay
home sick from school. - It's another-
- Something to binge. - Hotel show.
- Hotel show. It's just a bride who goes in, and she's just trying to
find the perfect dress. And the one thing this show taught me, from a casting standpoint,
is it's not really the bride that makes these trashy and fun. It's if they can find a mother or a sister or a bridesmaid who is awful. - [Woman] So pretty. - Is she a gorgeous bride or what? - Oh, Melissa. - Why are you in the dress?
- This is the bride. - Exit left. - A backless dress? Are
you sure you want that? This isn't your dress, Mom. - I think this is a cute show. - It's a cute show.
- Yeah. So then should it go
above "Next Top Model"? - No. (garbled speech) No. - It's above "Biggest Loser." - It's definitely above "Biggest Loser." - Yeah, definitely above "Biggest Loser." - Ooh, and for the final show
about style, "Project Runway." This, kinda like "Top Chef,"
was the other Bravo show that was elevated, had real,
young, aspiring designers. - [Becky] We got Christian
Siriano from "Project Runway." - Siriano was a winner,
and so, there was real, legitimate winners who went on to become big fashion, household names. - And it was good drama,
but it wasn't manufactured. - And then, on top of that, you had the lovely energy from Heidi. - Hello, designers. - And the even lovelier energy from Tim. - Tim Gunn.
- You know? - Make it work. - Now the question, though,
is that this certainly is not as trashy or as
campy as "Top Model," so would you put it above or below it? - Below.
- Below. - "Top Model," this show
gave you everything and more. There's only one show that really tops it, in terms of being a combination
of every reality show, but that'll be in our last round. All right, the final
category is dealer's choice. So it's just one that we
feel like was very important in the history of reality TV. So I'll give you my
first show that I picked. "Flavor of Love."
♪ Flavor Flav ♪ - And oh my God, the
fight where the girl said she was like Beyonce, and
Tiffany was just like, Beyonce? - You're Beyonce? Beyonce, Beyonce? - The reason I'm bringing
"Flavor of Love" up is because it was basically
sort of this response to "The Bachelor," really
kind of laying the groundwork for the trash and the camp and the fun to be both Flavor Flav, the contestants, and then also, the
casting and producing team knew that going in. - Do you remember Paris Hilton's show, like where she had a competition? - To be her best friend?
- To be her best friend. - Oh yeah.
- I feel like this is in the same vein, where thy know they're being made fun of,
they're playing into it. Everyone there knows it's kind of a joke. - Is the next one mine?
- Yes. - How much of a song
can you sing on camera before you have to pay for the song? - Less than 5 seconds.
(Becky singing incoherently) - You know why I love "Vanderpump Rules"? 'Cause I love watching
people who are worse than me. - You are a dirty (beeps) whore. - (beeps) You.
(slapping other woman) - This show is full of bad people. - But they're hot.
- They're hot, well, mm. (garbled speech) Mm. Some of them are hot. But they are very irredeemable, and when you're watching it-
- Except for Brittany. - Except for who?
- Brittany. (dramatic music)
No? - (laughs) So they're all bad. - [Alexandria] I don't
think she's a great person- - Rot in hell.
- But she's not evil. - Rot in hell! - You deserve to rot in hell. - So they used to be these servers, and they were all just,
whatever shitty thing someone did and they were
like, you would never do that. You didn't impregnate someone in Vegas. They did it, they did it. - You know, before I take
a thousand more shots, just to clear-
- Wait, hold on. Do you take birth control?
- Mm-mm. - They're all pregnant at the same time. It's like they're in a pregnancy pact, 'cause a couple of them got fired, 'cause they're super
racist and problematic, but a good show to watch
if you ever wanna be like, well, I'm not that bad. - I know you love "Vandy."
- Up there. - Do you think "Vanderpump" is
better than "Flavor of Love"? - Oh yeah.
- Yeah. (dramatic music)
- It's such a good show. Like I'm so, like still kinda
care about what they're doing. - It's still going on. - It's almost like
quintessential like trash. (raccoon chittering) - Your show selection. - I love this show. "The Girls Next Door"
is the best reality show to ever be on TV. This is kind of wealth porn, too. So "The Girls Next Door" followed Hugh Hefner's three
girlfriends, at the time, one of the first reality shows where it was wholesome,
if that makes sense. Like families watched this
together because one of the girls was like an athlete, and
one of the other girls had a brother who was in the Army. - Again, when I see so many blonde people, slowly, my eyes cross
and I'm like, where am I? - [Becky] Too many blondes. - Where does "Girls Next Door" go? - Above "Flavor of Love,"
below "Vanderpump Rules." (Eugene gasps)
- Oh, I was gonna say it could go above "Vanderpump Rules," just 'cause I feel like it was so iconic. "Vanderpump Rules" isn't iconic, you know? - Yeah, I was trying to be nice. (all laughing)
- Wow. - So I do think this belongs on top. Six seasons of this plus
multiple seasons of spinoffs. - Yeah.
- Yeah. - And on camera, it was
three girls who were friends. It wasn't about-
- Yeah. - [Alexandria] Lying and cheating. - Well, it's fine because
even though Flavor got pushed to the bottom, I know my
final pick is gonna be on top, and of course, the audience
knows, is "RuPaul's Drag Race." - Yay.
♪ RuPaul's Drag Race ♪ ♪ May the best woman ♪ ♪ Best woman win ♪ Probably the only reality
show that I follow as it comes out. "RuPaul's Drag Race" has
become a sports-like experience for the LGBT community. Like we go to bars the
way some people go to bars to watch baseball to cheer on drag queens. (crowd cheering) The reason why I think people love it is because, like "Top Model," so you have the fashion element, because they do design challenges. You have the makeup and style elements. - Girl, look how orange
you (beeps) look, girl. - They have mini-challenges, a runway, and then, they end it
with a lip sync battle, and this show really, I think, culturally, moved the needle in ways others didn't, because taking something
as culturally specific as drag and then making it,
essentially, mainstream, I'm not even gonna talk about
it, I'm putting it to the top. - I think it should go on the top. - [Eugene] I'm putting it at the top. - It's entertaining
- My mom has called me- - But it's important.
- About that show. - Oh my God, Kim watches it? - She was like, what does cis mean? Tell me what cis means, and
I was like, you are cis. (group laughs) She's like, is Dad cis? And I was like, yes, Dad is cis. - Well, it looks like
we have gotten the tops of these multiple categories,
and the final thing to do is just rank our top
choices from each one. All right, the first, "The X Factor." - Worst.
- It's the bottom. Yeah.
- I don't care about it. - I like that there's groups, Little Mix. (bell ringing)
You need to look up Little Mix, you don't know nothing- - Worst.
- About Little Mix. - Worst. Look, you're making the dogs mad. - "The Real World." Ooh. - Middle.
- Yeah, I'd say middle. - Classic, iconic.
- Perfect. - (gasp) "Great British Bake Off." - High, high.
- High. - High.
- High. I know.
- Sorry, Alex. - I know I lose this one. - "The Real Housewives." - Oh, high.
- At the top. - No!
- Yeah. - (beeps) No. No, no. "Bake Off" is above "Real Housewives." - You're overruled.
- No! - There's two of us and one of you. - Do you know how many blonde
people are on this show? - Over here.
- It's a perfect show. - No. It is-
- Over here. - It is, I would put it below it. I would put it here.
- [Both] No! - Whose show is this? (dramatic music)
- Here. Ours. We outnumber you. This is a democracy.
- Is it? - Yeah, we won the popular vote and the electoral college right now. - There are some seasons, it's one of the most
successful shows ever. - Yeah, here.
- Yeah. - Good job.
- I am not happy about this. This is my confessional. I am not happy about what just happened. Did you see what just happened? "Survivor."
- Bottom. - No!
- I don't care about it. - "Survivor" is iconic. I would honestly put
"Survivor" above "Housewives. - No!
- What? - Okay, it sounds like y'all have- - Below "Real World". - Confessional time.
- Below "Real World." - Okay, you're not here. I'm gonna let them rank the
way they think they wanna rank but at the end, I'm
actually gonna close ranks. I'm really gonna do it my way. So where you putting "Survivor"? - Down there. Yeah, maybe "Real World,"
"Survivor," "Bake Off." - This is how you do it?
- I think so. - I think so.
- "The Bachelorette." - Oh, it's up there.
- Bam, bam. - Are you crazy? - Below "Housewives," though, yeah. - Oh my God. Prostitution whore!
(all laughing) - You wanna see fake? - Yeah.
(all laughing) - "America's Next Top Model." - I think below "Housewives." - Yeah. What other show do
you have watch parties for? - Yeah.
- Besides like, "Game of Thrones"?
- So below? - Below.
- Yeah. - "RuPaul's Drag Race." - Oh, he's up here. - You wanna put it third? - I'll go with Alexandria, I'll go third. - Okay, this is the Real
Rank Wives' ranking. You have "The Real
Housewives" in number one, and now, it's time for me
to stab them in the back, and close ranks Rank King style. Some major changes are happening. - [Becky] Oh boy. - I'm gonna move, move "The
Bachelorette" down here. - Whoa. - What?
(dramatic music) Bachelor Nation is gonna come for you. - I'm gonna move "The Real
Housewives" down here. - [Both] No! (garbled speech) No! - What are you talking about?
- That's way too extreme. - No, this is like a highbrow list now. - I just think that these
types of shows, too, like "Survivor" and "Amazing Race," I'm gonna draw a "Bachelorette"
below right here, and put this back here. - Are you insane?
- I don't like "The Bachelorette" or the "Bachelor." - But "X Factor"? - Yeah, you got Little Mix.
(bell rings) I just prefer competition
talent shows over dating shows. - That is a competition show. - But where's the talent? I want singing and dancing.
- Tyler C. - Who the (beeps) is Tyler C? - Tyler C was dancing.
- Why does he need an initial? How many Tylers are there?
- A few. - Is it more than two?
- Yes. - In one season? - Typically, three.
- This is why you have Ashley S, Ashley I. - This is my final ranking. For the top three, we have
"Drag Race," "Survivor," and "Great British Bake Off." - You're absolutely insane.
- This is so bad. - This is insane.
- And I'm sorry, Bachelor Nation, y'all have
real bad taste. (laughs) - Do you think we should
vote Eugene off the island? - This is the Rank King show.
(Becky hisses) (dramatic music)
Oh. - The tribe has spoken.
(dramatic music) - Okay, well, this has been Rank King. - And until next time. - [Both] We're right,
Eugene's wrong, shut up. - I'm a good person. (upbeat music) - [Producer] All right, let's cut. - I am outta here.
- I'm so exhausted. - Come on, Emma. Let's go. - Y'all really-
- I'm done with you guys. - (beeps) Worst ranking I've ever seen. - [Becky] I'm calling my agent. I'm calling my manager.
- This is the (beeps) worst Rank King.
- This is- - In the history of this show. - [Becky] Crossing, crossing. - [Alexandria] We don't
get paid enough. (sighs)
It’s literally the perfect reality show in terms of concept.
Drag Race
Great British Bakeoff
Real Housewives
ANTM
Survivor
The Real World
The Bachelorette
X Factor
When it’s right, it’s right
Man, can Eugene come as a guest judge for some social media challenge in the future? I love him and this would be so fun.
Also, Eugene has impeccable taste. He very much closed ranks correctly in this one!
Drag U
Drag Race
Every other show
Eugène is soo good! I love him to the fullest!
naur it’s true it’s true
Have to show respect to your mother
The housewives disrespect made my heart hurt, but he’s absolutely right with his top 3.