- Cheers. - Cheers.
(glasses clinking) Rank husband. Pesto, you gonna try the first wine? - Which dog of mine do you like the most? - Ah, it's a tie between Pesto and Emma, but I feel responsible for
bringing Kimbop into the world. - You were with me when I adopted Kimbop. How dare you! You can't say you're his adoptive mom and then put him last in the rank. - [Becky] Someone's gotta be last. - [Eugene] That's true,
he is a little crazy. - Look at this chill dog. - Okay, by the end of this video, you're gonna reconnect with Kimbop. You're gonna really reconnect with him. - Yeah.
(upbeat music) (dramatic music) - The first episode of "Rank
King" was cheap American beer, so we are bringing it
back to the beginning. Yes, this is it, cheap wines. (dramatic music) Welcome to the "Rank King,"
the show where I rank things. I am your Rank King, Eugene, and this is my rank wife, Becky. - Hi. - Becky, are you excited today? - I am very excited. I consider myself a
connoisseur of cheap wine. - I have to have Becky
be my partner for this, because we are kind of partners in crime. - Yeah, partners in... - [Both] Wine. (laughs) - We are like the ones,
if you were hanging out with everyone here, that you would follow to a second location at a party. You know what I mean? - I also think we're the only
two that would be comfortable drinking at 9:00 in the morning. - That's what we're doing right now. We've selected what should be 18 of the most iconic,
well-known, cheap wines that are usually under $10. We have tried to choose, but we have tried to chosen, we have tried to... (both laughing)
I sound drunk. I'm not even drinking yet, and I'm drunk. Becky. - We have chosen to try chosen, try chosen wine chosen. - Herb Ertlinger, vintner,
and nestled in the leaves, and the picturesquely,
Herb Ervlinger Vintners. Oh my God. We're just gonna turn to Catherine O'Hara. We've chosen the most popular version or variety of a particular brand. - [Becky] Yeah, these
are definitely things I would've drank in college. - We can hang with the college kids and your drunk moms. - Yeah. - The two demographics who love... - [Both] Cheap wine. - We are going to judge these wines based on three criteria. One, the look. How is the design? - Yeah, it is sexy?
- Aesthetic, yeah. Criterion two, the taste. This is the most important, of course. - Yeah, yeah. - And finally, and in many ways, most importantly, or most regrettably... (record scratching) Drunk. (whimsical music) I couldn't
think of a clever word. - Could you get oopsie drunk by it? - Yeah.
- Sometimes, you're like, oopsie, I got drunk. - [Eugene] Because I think the
big thing about cheap alcohol is you buy it to have more of it. I'm not savoring this wine. - No, you're not swishing it, you're not sniffing it. - You are-
- Pounding it. - Pounding, okay. You're gonna porch pound this wine today. - Porch pounding.
- Yes. - I'm right, you're wrong. Shut up. - You can do it again.
- Okay. - I'm right, you're wrong, shut up. - Perfect!
(dramatic music) - First wine.
- First wine. Beringer. I will give you the task of being able to open the wines. Fun fact, Becky and I are former servers. I hated opening wine bottles for people. - Me too. - Because you always (beeps) it up. When you're standing there
just kind of small talking - Forever.
- As you're trying to get the cork out, God,
you feel like such an idiot. - I did one once where I
sliced my entire finger open on the top of it, but I
didn't wanna tell anyone that I did it, so I
held it behind my hand, like behind my back, and just bled. - [Eugene] As you bled
all over their wine? - And just bled and like
poured the rest of their wine. There we go. - So do you know anything about Beringer? - It's the 12 time Top
100 Winery of the Year. - [Eugene] Shit. - You know, it made it
with 100 other wineries. It doesn't say where it fit in. - This is what I call a
super generic wine label. - Yeah, I would not gravitate
towards the vineyard look. I probably wouldn't bring this to a party. - No. - 'Cause I think you can tell by the label that it's maybe not that expensive. Beautiful. - [Eugene] How much are we drinking? - That's good.
(both laughing) - I'm sorry, I was always a very heavy, heavy pourer.
- Yeah, heavy-handed pour. - I don't understand what a light pour is. I need enough to taste it, though. - All right, this is chardonnay, this is Ariel Fulmer's
favorite type of wine. - [Eugene] The Fulmers love, they always call it an oaky chard. - They love an oaky chard.
- I'm not a big chard person. (upbeat music) - It's a little sweeter
than I thought it would be. - It's a little sweeter, yeah. I am afraid that a lot
of these cheaper wines veer towards sweet, and
sweet is the one thing I really dislike in wine. - Do you see on the back? This is considered one
of their drier wines. - Dude, can you get a close-up of that? You know this is a cheap wine
because they're giving you a carnival thermometer
profile of dry to sweet. So the look, actually has extra points for this very informative label. - Yeah, but then we should
take it down a point, 'cause it lied to us. - It did lie to us. - It's not a dry wine!
- It's not, it's... They're rating this as
one of their driest wines? - I'm sending an email. - I'm literally sipping
as we're discussing... Oh, God, it's on me! I'm already wet. - One wine, and it looks
like you peed yourself. - Aww. - This is blasphemous, but I feel like we're already working with a cheap wine. I'd put ice in this. Thank you, Alexandria! It kinda looks like vodka, now, to me. - Oh, hell yeah.
- Oh, that is... - That is so good.
- So much better. - Drunkability? For sure,
once you put ice in this, I would get (beeps) wasted. - [Both] Next. - [Eugene] California's
favorite, Charles Shaw. - [Both] Two buck Chuck! Two buck Chuck! - Two buck Chuck.
- Two buck Chuck. - All right, the look is terrible. - The look is, you know... - You know what it is.
- You know when this comes out that you're like, you
went to Trader Joe's. - [Eugene] What '90s Microsoft Paint was this derived from? Because this is like... - It's a house? - This looks like it's a pagoda? - A pergola?
- It's a... - Did you say a pergola? - A percola?
- A pergola. - A pergola, what's a pergola? - She's looking it up.
- Sam, do you know? - Oh.
- A gazebo! - A gazebo!
- Gazebo. Man, that (beeps) Beringer just... That was the drunkest exchange. - Beringer gets another... - Pergerda, pergerda? Open the bottle. - Open... Were you doing "Moulin Rouge"?
- Open the door. - I don't do the fancy butt
holding the way you do. - You don't hold the butt? - No, I do the top. - I need a little more.
- And I twist. Eugene! - Becky.
- Keith told me before I left, don't get
too drunk with Eugene. - Well, is Keith here? - No, but he's coming later. All right, cheers. - Cheers.
(glasses clinking) So this definitely should
be on the drier side. - This should be dry.
- Yeah. (whimsical music) - It's a little sweeter
than I expected it to be. - Yeah, it's not very,
not much, very much depth. - Mm-mm, very American palate. - Mm-hmm.
- As we've learned. - But I will drink the whole thing. I think just because of the price, I'm gonna have to put it above Beringer. - Yeah, oh, absolutely.
- Just because, which one's higher, which way's higher? This, higher's this way? - This one.
- Higher's. (laughs) Best. - [Both] Worst. (laughs) - [Eugene] Next. Oh, ho, ho. Oh, Barefoot.
- Pinot Grig. - Oh, you don't like Pinot Grig, either. - I don't love Pinot Grig. - But it's the most
awarded wine grant, really? That can't be right. - Ugh. - In U.S. competitions. - Oh, okay. (laughs) - Consistent, quality proven wine. It is consistent. - This, 100%, like I
don't even need to try it, is a hangover wine. - This is cool font, I don't... - Yeah, I don't know
if I love a bare foot, even though that's the name. - The story behind the
name is that in 1965, California Winemaker David Bynum crushed grapes barefoot
in his garage. (laughs) - (laughs) So is that naked foot supposed to represent his foot? Do you think it's his actual footprint? - (laugh) I bet it is. Okay, let's go for the taste. - Okay. Cheers.
(glasses clinking) (gentle orchestral music) - Oh no, oh no. I don't like it.
(Becky gagging) That is so sweet. - This is what Pinot Grigio smells like. You know? It tastes the way it smells. I legit brought one of
these in a to go cup into Titanic 3-D and went and saw it with one of my girlfriends, and we sobbed. (both laugh) And then, we stood up at
the ending, the credits, and sang "My Heart Will Go On" together. (both laughing) - One bottle?
- The glasses. (both laughing) - Did you cry when Jack died? (Becky trills like a bird) - Over here.
- Is anyone alive out there? (both laughing) Guys, we haven't talked about this. I (beeps) love "Titanic." - I'm gonna throw this
in the bushes. (laughs) (jungle music)
- Okay. You can throw it in the bushes. - [Both] Yellow Tail. - Look at that kangaroo! Have you seen that commercial? Look at that kangaroo! - It's an Australian brand. I love the label. - Yeah, I think it's very eye-catching. - Yeah.
- They use a lot of color. - Rich and smooth, with juicy red berries. - Is that your Australian? - And hints of vanilla and spice. All right, cheers.
- Cheers. Cheers, mate. (upbeat music) - Huh.
- Hmm. - It's actually quite neutral.
- I don't hate it. Yeah. - I don't think I'm supposed to be swayed by the story or the label, but Australians are
just, I love Australians. - And really strong.
- Mm-hmm. So are New Zealanders. - Yes. Have you met a not strong New Zealander or Australian? - To be fair, we live in
LA, so the hottest people from river country move here to be actors, so every Australian I've met in LA- - Is an actor?
- Is a Hemsworth. - Have you met a Hemsworth? - No, they just look like Hemsworths. - Oh, like the tanning video guy. Right?
- Oh my God. - Keith loved him. - You know, Keith was joking, he was like, oh, he's so hot, he's so hot, and I was just standing there looking, like, gay panic, gay panic. (Becky laughs) And I was just standing
there going, like... (helicopter whirring) It's the horny police.
(sirens blaring) (both laughing) - They're like, they're
gonna spray us with water. - I don't know, Sam was
there. Weren't you there? - [Sam] Yeah. - Yeah, wasn't he hot?
- Sam. - [Sam] I had to stand around
the corner. (both laughing) - I like this Yellow Tail.
- I like that. - You know, put at the top? - I would put it before Charles, yeah. - It has to be Charles
because of that aesthetic. - And I do like something
about these kinda bottles. I don't know what it is
about this little fat butt that I'm like, you're chonk. Look at it, it's short, and like, why? - [Eugene] Are you talking about bottles? - Yes. (laughs) - You sure?
- Yeah. Gallo. Where's the chicken?
- We have a Merlot. - They made it smaller. Didn't it used to be
an actual like rooster? - [Jonathan] You're
thinking of Rex Goliath. - Oh, Jonathan.
- Jonathan. - Are you a cheap little bitch like us? - [Jonathan] Maybe. (both laughing) - Are you a cheap little bitch like us? - Do you see how quick he brought that up? He was like, that's Rex Goliath, Rebecca. (both laughing) - But yeah, the look is standard. Family owned and operated. - Love that. (light classical music) - And this is a Merlot. - That's a Merlot.
- Huh. - Not for me, mm-mm. - Hmm.
- Mm-mm. - Hmm.
- Mm-mm. - This is why they spit. - Mm-hmm.
- But I'm just swallowing it. - You're a swallower? - Just swallowing left and right. - You just swallow?
- Uh-huh. I can't make a decision on this based on the taste right now. - I can. Mm-mm. I mean, I'm gonna finish it, but no. - I think I like the Yellow Tail better. - Oh my God, they're just
sitting on these little chairs. - You want, can you
flip to them real quick? - [Becky] Like they're like
having their own meeting. - Oh, so.
- So. - My dad is having a wine ranking, and my adoptive mom hates me. She ranked me last. After you and Emma. Believe that bullshit? - And Emma has panic attacks.
(both laughing) - Let's put Gallo after Beringer and before Barefoot. - [Both] Next! Woodbridge by Robert Mondavi. - Oh, another generic font
with a illustrated vineyard. (beeps) Horny police back. - Horny police?
(sirens blaring) - Quick, say something horny. - Um, Noah Centineo is
hotter before he talks. (both laughing) Did you see that? (both laughing) Did you see that tweet he read? You'll never stop doing what you're doing if you're doing it or something. What else we got? - So label? Eh.
- Label, eh. - Taste.
- Taste. - This is a chard, by the way.
- Cheers. Ugh. Another chard. - Oh, this tastes like a chardonnay. - I think I like the Beringer more. - Let's put it here and then
we can retaste at the end. - Yeah.
(bottles clinking) - Sutter Home.
- Sutter Home. - Moscato.
(Becky gagging) Another (beeps) Jesus, you guys need... - Yeah, what's with-
- Better designers. The drawings?
- I hate it. This also has a flavor
profile on the back label. Do you see that?
- Oh no. - I can already smell it. It smells like liquid Jolly Rancher. - It smells like when you throw up wine. - Oh my God, it does. (light guitar music) Ugh. Who, who, just spike your juice. - Yeah, this one, I would just say, just put vodka in apple juice, and you're gonna get the same flavor. I already threw mine.
(jungle music) I was like, I don't even want it near me. (dogs barking)
Oh my God. Kimberly.
- Kim. Ooh, Stella Rosa. - [Becky] I don't think I've had this. - Wait, is the wine black? Black.
- Black. - Stella Rosa Black. - Maybe it's a red blend.
- It must be a red blend. Mike, can you hear that
helicopter circling again? (sirens blaring) - Shawn Mendes looks
better with short hair. - [Eugene] 'Cause he has
such a beautiful face. - [Becky] He has such a beautiful face. - [Eugene] So you don't want
all the hair to get in the way. - If it's too long, Sam, why
are you shaking your head no? He looks so much better with short hair. - Wait, Sam loves the long hair? (Becky gasping) Different strokes for different folks. - It looks like what rich
people who are out of touch think fancy looks like. - I do like this bottle
having the crown imprint. - Oh, that it's embossed? - They could've just
honestly, just a matte. - And be like, secret wine, 'cause we have to know what it is. - Exactly.
- Based on that. - Man, we could be marketing directors. - We should start-
- Literally. - A wine company.
- Seriously. (Becky gasping)
It's fizzy! - It's bubbly.
- Why is it bubbling? This is a carbonated wine. - It's a carbonated red wine? That's why there's no name for it. This entire bottle is 5%. - Oh, that's not what I want
outta my cheap wine. (laughs) - This is if you want a light buzz or you wanna trick someone. - So this is juice.
(glasses clinking) (bright Italian music)
("Funiculì, Funiculà") (laughs) It's not wine. That's not wine.
- This is not wine. - I'm sorry, this is the bottom. - That is the bottom, uh-huh. - That's definitely, I can't
even, that's a hard next. - [Both] Cupcake. - So this is a creamy apple
lemon chardonnay from Monterrey, where the "Big Little
Lies" women are from. - [Eugene] Oh, so this is
Reese Witherspoon's wine. - This is Reese's wine. I used
to wait on her all the time. She's (beeps) great. She's my favorite celebrity
that I've ever waited on. - 'Cause you worked somewhere that there were a lot of celebrities. - A lot of celebrities. - And Reese was your number one. - She was my number one favorite, and I do have a number one least favorite. - Does it rhyme with
Hortsenegger? (laughs) - So rude. I don't care if I get at-ed. I don't even know who
would stan him enough to at me about this, but this
guy was awful and didn't tip. - Well, you know who's
his brother-in-law now? - (gasps) Chris Pratt.
- Chris Pratt. I guess the more that I stare at this, the more I think this actually looks okay. It's an attractive label. Let's try it. This is a chardonnay. That's not as sweet as I thought it was. - Mm-mm. I still don't think it's
as good as the Beringer, and I've already forgotten the Mondavi. - We're gonna have to do a chard-off. - We have to chard-off.
(both laughing) - [Eugene] We're gonna have to chard-off- - [Becky] Chard all over, all over the... - Pull down to parts and
chard off at the end. All right, let's go to the next one. - And now that we're
onto the canned wines, we do have a special guest
who has a wonderful can, if I do say so myself. - Kim wants some wine. - Oh, look who it is. It's Becky least favorite dog. - Ooh. - Give Kimbop to his mom, so
she can really get to know him. - Come here, Kimberlina. - You guys are already
drunk? You've had nine wines? - No, no.
- No, we've had sips. - We're champs. So the first canned wine is Underwood. Pinot Noir.
- It's from Oregon. - [Eugene] I think this looks really nice. - I think it looks really nice. - It look clean, very clean. I would grab this in a store. - Oh, yeah.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
(jazzy music) - Doesn't smell too bad. - I could get (beeps) up on this. - It's very easy to drink. - Very easy to drink. - That's not bad.
- No. - Now you worked in Oregon for
a little bit for consulting. - Yeah.
- Mm-hmm. - Were the vineyards nice there? - Yeah, up in Willamette
Valley, it's beautiful. - Better than California, do you think? - No, I like more local terroir. (record scratching)
- Oh God. (beeps) - What's your favorite wine experience? - We're club members of one
wine club in Paso Robles. (record scratching) - You are literally being
a white lady right now. Terroir, Paso Robles. - Matt's my favorite wine lady. (laughs) - I'm so embarrassed. Okay, we're gonna put
this at the top right now. - Wow. Next. Dark Horse. - [Eugene] I love this label. - [Becky] Yeah, I think
it's really pretty. - [Eugene] This is a pretty can. - I also think they're
trying to tell you something with it's a half a bottle in a can. This is for a very specific person. - [Eugene] So this is a
half a bottle in this can? - It's a half a bottle.
They're all half-bottles. I found out the hard way, by drinking two. (can popping) - Oh. (beeps) - Oh.
- Sorry! - It goes everywhere. - Eh, you're used to that. (noisemaker blowing)
- Gross. (Sam laughing)
- He's so dirty. - I'm sorry. Is your mom watching? - Probably.
(Becky gasps) - I'm sorry. Hi, Betsy. - Betsy.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
- Cheers. (upbeat music) - This tastes like something
I would drink next to a pool. - I think with some ice cubes, this would be my shit on a porch. - So the question is, where does this go? - Between these two?
- Yeah. - Yeah, okay.
- I think so. - Right here.
- Yeah. - [All] Next! - [Eugene] So this is
Sofia Blanc de Blancs. - [Becky] And I love the little can. I just think it is so cute. - There's a (beeps) mini straw in it. - Oh, it's adorable. To
be honest, I didn't know- - The design's a little... - What? - Yeah, the design is a little... - Dated, very Victoria's Secret-esque. - [Eugene] Very Victoria Secret. - That's probably why you like it. - Why are you coming for me? (all laughing) - Okay, taste. - 10 out 10 top.
- So good. - I mean, anything with bubbles
is automatically elevated. - [Becky] Yeah. - I feel like an idiot drinking this. - I don't. - See, I feel cute. Is it 'cause it's too
little for your big hand? - It's too little, it is so little. - What if it was a different color? - Oh, I have nothing against the pink. I just don't like this whole... It's like a Capri Sun pack. Where would you rank this? - Top. - Top, numero uno, baby! - I completely disagree. - I knew about this one coming in. - I completely disagree. Okay, just because it's
two versus one right now, you can put it at the top. - Yes.
- But I'm gonna tell you, I'm going to change that
when we close ranks. (dramatic music) - All right, don't get too drunk. - Squeeze out.
- Have fun working while I continue working. This is also a job. Does he have to get drunk at 10:00 am? - I don't think he has to. - And be charming and funny? - I don't think Matt has to
try to be charming and funny. Look at that face. - We're gonna move on to
a couple of unique wines. - Manischewitz!
- Manischewitz. I mean, it kinda looks like a jar of jam. - I think it's 'cause it
has the concord grape on it. - Yeah, it's pretty direct. L'Chaim!
- L'Chaim! (glasses clinking) Oh, you should hear me at Passover, trying to read some of
those Baruch Atah... It's, you don't wanna do that
with a Midwestern accent. - Holy shit.
- That's Manischewitz. - That is Welch's. That's grape juice. - Honestly, it gives me
really good memories, so I'm into it. - This is such a left field option. - I'm putting it high.
- I'm glad we included it. I don't know how high I would put it, 'cause I certainly would
not drink this every day. That's the thing.
- But you know what? I don't think Manischewitz
is meant to drink every day. - No, it's true. - Well, nothing is meant
to be drank every day. - I don't know, I saw you
with that Sofia straw. - The Sofia straw, I'm going back again. - [Eugene] (laughs) You
had to drink it again. You're gonna be so mad when I
knock it out of the top spot. Next!
- Oh my God. I don't know that I've ever
actually drank one of these. - [Eugene] You've never had Carlo Rossi? - I'm a late Rossi. (laughs)
- Carlo Rossi! So let's talk about the look. This is known for the jug. Oh my God, it's like
lifting a bowling ball. - I assume you make something,
I'm not very strong. (laughs) I assume you make something
with this, like sangria? - It's a table wine, so
when they say table wine, I think it means
quantitatively, good investment. I honestly like how it shows Carlo. - [Becky] I do like that he's on there. - Yeah.
- He looks like a sweet guy. He's really like cradling those grapes. - Turn your head and cough. (both laughing) I feel like
you need a reason to buy that. I'm standing up for this. Jesus, this is a (beeps). - It took three twists.
- Experience. - Just a dash. - That's a dash for this jug. Did you guys hear the sound it made, too? Just listen to the sound.
- Yeah. Put your.
(wine glugging) - It sounds heavy. (gentle music) - Wow, I'm not offended. - It's not sweet.
- Mm-mm. But it's also not, it's not tannin-y, it's not acidic. It's what it says it is, a red table wine. - I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think I'm gonna put
this up near Charles Shaw. - I would agree. - But I would have Charles Shaw more. I would not buy this as
the drink I'm gonna pour with the people at the table. Can you imagine pulling this out? - If you put it in a different container. - Just like, hi, welcome
to my home. (chuckles) Honestly, I would actually finish this. - I finished it. But that's 'cause we're
already like 17 in. - Arbor Mist.
- Arbor Mist. This is the ugliest
bottle we've had so far. - That is the ugliest.
- This is, by far, the ugliest.
- It is heinous. The frosted, I hate the way that feels. - The frosted is awful. - I hate frost. I hate the fact that it's
called a fine wine product. Like shouldn't it just be a fine wine? Why is it a wine product?
- Yes. - I guess it's a byproduct of wine? (Kimbop barking) - Kim!
- Kimberly! Do you see now?
- I see why you ranked him last.
- I think I win. - All right, cheers.
- Cheers. - You said college people liked to drink this, college girls? - I drank this in college. (upbeat music) (jungle music) You (beeps) Moscato. - This is the bottom, 'cause
at least with Stella Rosa? - There was some flavor.
- There was bubbles. - Bubbles was a plus.
- Oh! And our final selections,
we're moving into... - Boxed wine.
- Boxed wine. - [Becky] Black Box Merlot. Habersberger family fave. - Shut up, really? - Not the Merlot, we like the Cab Sauv, but we are huge box wine
people, you know why? 'Cause you don't have to
drink the whole thing. You get to do this fun ripping thing. Eco-friendly, and you get
like three bottles in one! - Nice!
- Look at how easy that was. - Now I'm not talking about
the fact that it's a box, which is cool, but visually, what do you think of when
you think of boxed wine? - Franzia.
- Franzia. So this is very elegant. Oh, the helicopter's back. (sirens blaring)
We love a big, big bison man. Goofy bison man, great actor. - Oh, my God.
- He has a lightsaber. - I (beeps) love Adam Driver. - I love how you-
- He is- - [Eugene] I love how you
got it from goofy bison man. - [Becky] (gasps) He is so tall. - Is he your like, mm.
- He's all tree-like. - Tree-like?
- Yeah. - [Eugene] But also kinda goofy. - I'm into it, okay. Cheers.
(glasses clinking) - Okay, this smells good. That's really good.
- This is good. I just think it's like
reliable, like if I had this in the cabinet, and I gave it to you, you wouldn't necessarily
know that it was from a box. - We have two more wines left,
and they're both in a box. So. (burps)
- Next! Oh, boys. Bota.
- Bota Box! The design feels a little rustic. Yeah, overall, I think,
aesthetically, I'm digging it. (wine splashing) (laughs) Kind of a little hard to pour when you have to lift it.
- It's a good workout, though, 'cause if you're drinking wine, you probably should be working out. Cheers to Bota. - Bota.
(glasses clinking) - I'll all about it.
(upbeat music) - Oh, so not bad.
- Not bad. - I mean, it's not that
much worse than Black Box. - No. - Okay, let's put this right
under Black Box. (beeps) - You're so agreeable. - Put the boxes together. I also wanna comment more, but
I'm getting a little tipsy. Oh my God, we only have one wine left. You know what it is? - I know what it is.
- They know what it is. - Everyone knows what it is. You can't do a cheap wine roundup without this cheap wine. - [Eugene] Boo, boo, boo,
boo, boo, is it Franzia? - [Becky] Franzia, Franzia. - I feel like I say Franzia
more when I'm just being like... - Close my eyes, and
we're gonna have a Franz, I say Franzia.
- Okay. So we're doing nicely- - Franzia.
- Franzia. Already it's kind of weird,
where you're just like, what's the variety of
wine, varietal of wine? - Chillable red.
- It's chillable red. - The way we drank this in
college is you took it out of the box, and you slapped the bag. - And I always remember,
these were very hard to open. They're (beeps), there's like industrial- - It's like glued. It's almost like they don't
want you to rip the bag out, and drink it that way. - They don't know about it.
- Wait. How did you open?
- They don't know, 'cause-
- My little lady. - I was in college. (Eugene grunting)
- There you go. - Let's get a beauty shot of this. There she is. Oh my God, it's gonna-
- It's stain- - Pour.
- The shit outta your clothes. - Okay, so let's slap it, and
then pour it in the glasses. - Yeah. (whacking bag) - Wait, did it-
- That wasn't fun. (whacking) - No, really slap it.
(Becky whacking bag) Yeah. I'm right, you're wrong,
shut up. (whacking bag) (both laughing) - [Becky] That was dainty.
You can do another one. - I'm right, you're
wrong, shut up. (whacking) (laughs) That was very satisfying. Oh, God, this is so unattractive. - Just wiggle her in there. Do it like you're on "Grey's Anatomy." - Oh, it feels like a blood bag. To cheap wines everywhere,
and everyone who likes them. Franzia.
- Franzia. - Franzia.
- A cheers to the Franzia. (upbeat music) - Oh no. (laughs) I forgot, I forgot what
Franzia tasted like. (laughs) (Eugene continues laughing) - It's somehow sweet and dusty
at the same time. (laughs) Doesn't it have like a
texture that's indescribable? (both gagging) - It's so hard, because
Franzia has such great value for the look, and the slappage, but the taste proceeds itself. - Yeah. - Towards the bottom,
but because you can slap the shit outta it, and
because it's not a Moscato. - It's kinda fun, yeah. - Put Franzia right there. - Yeah, okay, and it's also
gotta go in the bushes. (jungle music) - We have taste tested our
17, 18 wines, cheap wines, and now is the favorite part
of all "Rank King" episodes. - The picking. - Close ranks.
- The ranking. - Close ranks.
- Close ranks. - Close ranks.
- It's time for me to close ranks.
(dramatic music) My rank wife and I, we worked
together for all of this, so we're gonna make some changes together, maybe we'll fight about some things. - I mean, I know we're gonna fight about the number one spot. - That's true, but I think we
need to retaste a few things just to make sure we have this
in the perfect final order. - Yeah, I think the chardonnays
are what's tripping us up. (dramatic music) - I'm gonna start with the Woodbridge. - Start with, yeah. Give it a go. (dramatic music)
Speed round. (Eugene coughs)
I'll trust you, 'cause I don't think I really
like either three of those, except for the Beringer. I remember having good
feelings about the Beringer. (Eugene gagging) I think I'm on Beringer team. - Okay, blind taste test.
- Okay. Fast, don't mix them. - Okay, try that one.
(dramatic music) - Okay. (gags) - [Eugene] Try that one. First or second?
- Two. - Me too! Woodbridge
is better than Cupcake. - It's better than Cupcake.
- Wow. Oh, there's something-
- Switch 'em, yeah. - There's something a little
musky about the Cupcake. Give me the Sofia. - It's good. The only other one is this one. It's, that one's just like, it's good, but this one is still the best. It's so cute.
- I hate it. - It's so cute. - I don't like the way it looks. - Look how little it is in your big hands. - No.
- It's so cute. Are we ready to lock it in? (inspirational music) - Yeah. Oh, shit, after tasting 17 cheap wines, our number one is the Underwood brand, and our number two is Black Box. - [Becky] Black Box. - And our number three?
- Sofia Coppola. - Your favorite.
- Your little cutie patootie. - [Eugene] And then, at the
very bottom, the Moscatos. - [Becky] The Moscatos. - [Eugene] If you're famous for Moscatos, you have to be at the bottom.
- Yeah. - [Eugene] It's just
like, there's no question. Well, what another successful
episode of the "Rank King." - Thank you for having
me here as your wife. - Before we end this episode,
you have to do one thing. - You're right? No? - No, you have to reconcile with Kimbop. (Becky gasps)
Your son. - Look at him. - He's been waiting there the whole time. Is he your least favorite? Or has he, very much like
Underwood as the underdog, jumped up above the Sofia? - [Becky] I don't know, Snaussy McGee. - 'Cause think about it. - Ah, do you like sausage? Oh.
- See? Look, he's all calm.
- That's disgusting. Oh, you are cute. - [Eugene] So is he your least favorite? - Um... No, Bean's still a problem. (Eugene laughing) (upbeat music) Thank you for having me. This is the way.
- This is the way. - Where's the child?
- Where is the child, Pedro Pascal, Mando?
The episode was so fun. Eugene and Becky have a great dynamic.
Love this episode. One of my favorite Rank Kings. Also, did not know Arnold was difficult to deal with off camera.
I don't even drink wine, but it was an entertaining video! You can tell that Becky and Eugene are truly good friends. :)
I actually like Stella Rosa but they are right, it’s juice. Would recommend if you don’t drink wine but want to!
Hi, can we talk about Eugene's laugh forever? Thanks.
Eugene and I would not get along- I only drink moscato 😂
I couldn't care less about wine, but this was a great video. Love Eugene and Becky together, they need to team up, more.
Becky is so cute! I love their dynamic
This was a lot of fun!