Ep.64 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

and tiger woods walks in with us and he's like i want to be knighted too you know how much fun we could bring into that guy's life like tiger has so much [ __ ] in his life he needs some lightness like he does he's never got to be a kid and we're still just kids we're definitely kids i think we'd astound him with how immature we are 100 this episode of two bears one cave is brought to you by saatva i believe that you should spend your money sleeping on an incredible mattress but not pay crazy prices like you will find if you go to a mattress store saatva is online only and passes those savings that they make by not having a storefront and rent and utilities and commission they pass it on to you incredible prices incredible products incredible customer support i've slept on their entire line of mattresses they're all great whether you want something that's like a traditional mattress or you want a memory foam they have a lumen leaf line or you want the mattress that raises and massages you and has a zero gravity setting the solaire it's all at saatva go to saatva saatva.com the [ __ ] to get 225 dollars towards any mattress of your choice saatva.com the [ __ ] and save 225 off any mattress of your choice the return we've all been waiting for is finally here one of the sport's most notorious icons is stepping into the octagon this saturday draftkings the official daily fantasy partner of the ufc is giving you a free shot a huge cash prizes for this weekend's fight draftkings is offering new players a free shot at millions millions millions of dollars in total prizes with the first deposit if you haven't tried it yet and fantasy mma is very easy to play pick six fighters stand a salary cap and pile up points for advances takedowns and more there's no better way to put your mma knowledge to the test than to compete for shots at millions of dollars in total prizes plus don't forget about the football playoffs where the draftkings have even more money up for grabs this weekend draftkings is safe secure and reliable so you can deposit and withdraw your funds at your convenience download the draftkings app now and use the promo code bears to get a free shot at millions of dollars in total prizes throughout the weekend that promo code is bears to get a free shot at millions of dollars in total prizes only at draftkings minimum five dollar deposit eligibility restrictions apply see draftkings.com for full details you're [ __ ] pugs now [Laughter] just as a snack uh we're back hugsley was the name of the guy from uh i literally was on the treadmill today and i'm like i'm gonna listen more today because uh jorge clavicle good start [Laughter] or a clavicle center is it that his name jorge clavicle it might be brought to you by mr clavicle mr clavicle mr cleveland uh he had a he had a picture of a big gun with a little gun with a big bullet going on and he was like birth mouth burst words yes and it was that is exactly how i feel all the [ __ ] time that's why it's a very good meme this i mean look at our sides of the tables i mean this is how mine is somebody's doing the work i've got coffee i love that people are like i'm going to listen more i love that people are i'm going to finish my statement that are like uh there were problems on the live stream and bird didn't even acknowledge it i am so far removed from that yes you are i literally am and that's what i think today's episode's all about everybody find yourself a partner you need i used to have a joke about this about you were khakis and i was python like i'm the guy with the python around his neck and that but i did and you're the guy wearing khakis like you get [ __ ] done and then i'm the [ __ ] lunatic yeah well we have actually a pretty natural classic uh archetype comedy dynamic it's wacky guy straight guy basically you know yeah we're okay let's break it's not even it's not even calculated it's our natural dynamic yeah and i think it's always been that like it has been i remember i'll never forget the we went on the road together we went to sacramento and uh on the drive back we drove all the way to sacramento did shows drove all the way back you drove and like three quarters of the way back you go you know you don't talk much man you don't say much and i go that's cause you've been talking i was like this guy can talk for four and a half hours straight i really can i know i really can talk and if you want to talk about me i am i remember leanne got pissed one time because we were at someone's house this couple they were actually a really cool couple and leanne [ __ ] it up by not realizing that she sent a blind copy blind cc of of her past messages about this woman to her yeah oh my god that was it huh you see them again [Laughter] not one and i and i know the way leanne talks i bet she didn't really like dial back how she felt uh-uh and then didn't apologize and was like well i guess that's me my bad my bad and so uh so but this couple was like this guy was really actually cool i really like this guy a little nerdy he was in like comic book stuff and stuff but i never and i whatever he uh i have no idea what this story is oh he one time he was they were showing us pictures of their vacation and uh and they were like flipping through these pictures isn't that the worst is there anything worse than somebody who's not you looking at vacation photos thank you thank you when someone's like we were in the bahamas you want to see the photos you're like no not at all is there sand i said to them i said to them i go they go bert come here and take a look at them i go is there a picture of me and they said no no well then i'm not going to look at them i don't want to see it and they're like what do you mean i go i don't only like looking at pictures of me we were in italy do you want to see the photos [ __ ] no you haven't been [ __ ] about your vacation no it's crazy but though but that's changed because i do care about people's vacations but even like i have cousins who are like and then we went to [ __ ] barcelona and here's the photos i'm like i don't want to see that i don't give a [ __ ] yeah i don't give a [ __ ] i'm shocked at like although send you the link to a web like where they uploaded the photos and i'm like not clicking that i'd rather watch you take a [ __ ] than look at your vacation photos there are a list of things you'd be shocked i'd rather do than look at your picture yeah the worst i'd rather have my fingernails cut by a blind person yeah good analogy huh they're they're just digging way into your cutie you're like that's never mind ooh i wonder if [ __ ] blind people how they cut their fingernails yeah just just a lot of guesswork no i feel they have a really good sense of feel did they just rub them like this they must use files yeah i think they just get so good at at touch and feel and the sense of where something is supposed to you know i think they just know they just feel it out and they're like oh that's too far you've been dealing with a lot of physicality issues have you thought about like like what if you lost your vision or your hearing oh i thought about all that stuff all that stuff shows up right everything yeah of course everything everything runs through your head at some point about how much worse it could like you realize that when you have an injury it mean like once you're settled into it a little bit and they're like all right we're gonna fix you you're like oh man there's people who come into a place like this and they go like well we're gonna do what we can but like you're never gonna be how you were and how and how that must [ __ ] yeah you think about it a lot man i remember when i started losing my hair and that was debilitating i can't imagine i watched uh the diving in the butterfly the diving bell in the butterfly do you seen that the diving bell on the butterfly saying the wrong thing yeah i don't think that's the the diving bell and the butterfly there you go really is it the diving bell you're right yeah it's about a guy who gets locked in syndrome that's you know so much of my i said at the end of the day i go home i go how about this lifestyle change this looks like a real bummer [ __ ] movie this guy gets locked in syndrome you watch this has a stroke gets locked in syndrome and then writes a book i thought he comes out of it at the end he never comes out of he just dies from pneumonia oh for [ __ ] the whole time i'm waiting for it to turn around can i tell you what i do a lot of definition of a white bummer film yes uh a french it's it's french too even read it i didn't even see what anyone looked like in the movie i read the whole [ __ ] thing yeah the you know what i do these days i swear to god i will start i'll see a movie i'll go that looks interesting go to uh wikipedia and then read the thing and then sometimes i'll even flash that and i'll even go get it on in netflix go to the end and just watch the ending i did that with have you seen the platform have you seen the platform i looked it in the dove like how you'd watch it you know what the platform is no spoiler it is a movie about this guy wants to get his scholarship or like a scholarship or something yeah and so he signs up to live on this platform what happens is the food is lowered every day on the platform yes i've seen this it is i i i was like i'm not gonna watch this whole movie spanish probably why i'm not gonna watch this whole movie uh-huh so i just wikipedia it kind of looked like garbage went to the end of it watched the ending and was like i would have not have gotten the ending so i'm glad i didn't watch it that's how you proc that's how you watch films that's how i watch a movie i'm glad i didn't watch it by the way did this if i didn't know you and just heard this i would be like 100 this is an insane human being like this guy is fully [ __ ] nuts i did it today with a rosario dawson movie which one uh the captive rivalry dawson who was doing the go big show yeah did you see that [ __ ] promo that was dope dude no during wrestling no dude what a go big show yes what are you talking about here what are you talking about you were watching wrestling look look man hold on oh is this a gag no this was [ __ ] cool hold on one second one second uh rosario dawson is one of the most beautiful women it goes rosario dawson uh uh and uh and gwen stefani are two of the most gorgeous dawson is stunning it's distracting it's distracting and one time one time i was drunk me and her at the bar downstairs at the hotel mask song she was a mask covering the majority of her [ __ ] face can i smell your neck no i literally was i got distracted and talking to her yeah i was like your eyes are [ __ ] i i think i actually said to her cause i might have been a little buzzed you i know i was like i was like do you realize how distracting you are yeah she was like huh i was like just her eyes are so intense yeah that you're like i mean what like how do people talk you know what's crazy though to think that like that is a really i know you and i know that's like an innocent comment and that there's there's like people out there like you really shouldn't talk to people like that yeah oh definitely and that she can go to a like a producer and be like burt made me uncomfortable said that my eyes are pretty she had a mask on and it was distracting her eyes are her eyes just are very intense and you're like i'm sitting there talking to her going i don't know what your [ __ ] you're saying cause i'm not listening yeah she is amazingly gorgeous and with uh corey booker right yeah cory booker yeah and you're like what do you do he's like i'm a senator and i ran for president and i love that i said doing my go is that the one with the two good ones or the nine people that can all get it and he was like you think of the house of representatives like oh yeah those schmoes yeah he's like i'm one of the good ones i was like god nice you want to be president he was like i tried i was like when just recently coming back 2024 buddy i said to him did you win he goes no i did not i like cory booker that's hilarious all right let me see this snoop and cody rhodes a part of go big show set your dvrs now to watch snoop rosario dawson jennifer nettles cody rhodes and host bert kirscher on the google i'm calling [ __ ] cody right now god damn it who is is that bro chrysler bruce crasher [ __ ] calling cody right now [ __ ] is that is that one of their announcers yeah of course that's two of them first cursor and what is chrysler and bruce chrysler what a [ __ ] do you think cody's gonna answer no he's probably like is this bert cursor god damn it [ __ ] no wonder my son of a [ __ ] your call has been forwarded to an automatic voicemail the best was when i got to face time with him remember when you call me and you're on set and he was like hey man i go hey uh you know i had a little something with the wrestling community he goes come on man dude [ __ ] what's the name of that what's the play that again i wanna hear that that [ __ ] bruce chrysler bruce chrysler bert curser bruce chrysler bert curser who is their [ __ ] that's a wrestling guy you know what happens though right no is that these guys is that i show up and i put a [ __ ] smackdown on their announcers yeah sure be two middle-aged dudes with cowboy hats up these guys are like they're calling it they're calling a live show right they're trying to make it exciting and they just hand them promos and they know snoop okay hold on get it and they see k-r-e-i and they're like you're cursor it's [ __ ] jim ross no that wasn't jim ross that [ __ ] jobber you like that yeah a little [ __ ] throw it back at them boomer sooner that ham and egger yeah who is who who was that it's it's not jim ross give me bert kirscher again and bruce chrysler [ __ ] these guys i'm waiting for cody to call me back well you know what this is a perfect time to segue okay hey it's bert kirscher gosh my bad bruce chrystal [ __ ] so that was fun and now we can do something that's really like you know in praise of you you know to balance it out let's see if we can't wait to see this let's see the clip from sure great hang on wait [ __ ] hang on one second letterman just watched the a d promo andy aew my bad cody probably has no idea he's like i'm sorry man i'm running a [ __ ] multi-million dollar company yeah i'm sorry i'm trying to keep my [ __ ] head above water and have four [ __ ] different jobs bruce sorry i got someone got your name wrong kirscher all right what is this okay so oh this is so i gotta uh i shouldn't share but i got a text from someone saying that uh they're talking to letterman and it really [ __ ] i was in a [ __ ] funk like just in a [ __ ] day i called you yesterday and talked to you about the thing that bothered me yeah some guy was talking [ __ ] and then part of me was like i probably deserve it i talk so much [ __ ] i do i talk so much [ __ ] i don't even mean to you know like i i i wonder sometimes if like people get together and they're like yeah [ __ ] bert and i would love for someone to just be like oh you know he just drinks a lot and just talks [ __ ] he doesn't mean a lot of yeah yeah yeah and so i was like i probably deserve it i was in a bad mood then i got a text from someone last night saying hey just give me your heads up i was talking to letterman about you and i was like wow and i had told them i was like that you have no idea how nice that is thank you for sharing it here to here but more importantly i needed to hear it and then i was telling you oh yeah i had a letter i'd gotten this clip from mike binder who has a series on um on showtime called the comedy about the comedy store yeah and one morning he just sent it and he said you know i was just hanging out with letterman and leno and they were saying very nice things about you a lot of people say that but they don't mean it right and then i was like ah whatever and then he was like here's a clip i want to see this then after it we definitely have to address that you're wearing pinky rings now all right let's go ahead pink earrings pinky rings on your back oh oh let's see let's see i i see this guy you know who this is i was watching and he's he's on stage and he's not wearing a shirt he's funny right christchurch yes he's so funny yes and so i'm mesmerized now because i'm thinking that in the course of his presentation there will be a discussion of why he's not wearing a shirt but there isn't and then after a while you forget that that he's not wearing a shirt because his his material transcends that and you know he does a full hour never breaks a sweat which that would be ugly very impressive and that that's i think you're probably right in the genesis of how we went from the the five minute tv shot to the uh power and 15 netflix special it's that's incredible i that is unbelievable i sent that i got that from buy it was one of the best texts i've ever gotten in my life i then sent it to my dad and my dad like immediately i was laying in bed yeah got it sent it to my dad my dad's like buddy he's talking about you it's crazy i was like i know he's talking about me dad what's interesting is that like and also like the implica like you realize that he watched your whole set yeah he didn't go like yeah watch this guy for a few minutes and i was like what's up with him he's like i was like waiting for the shirtlessness to be addressed and i watched the show i wish i had a reason i wish i had like a real reason i don't wear a shirt you do i was only wearing shirts yeah but like i wish i could i wish it was a like i wish it was an explainable bit i'm doing it on the next special because i have these scars now and i can't not you should wear a sleeveless shirt yeah and i'll be like [ __ ] scars yeah just are you gonna get tatted up now oh yeah you know me it's funny because i like uh like i was watching i was watching a podcast and one guy's like one guy said it was it sounded shitty but he was like everyone's gotta have their [ __ ] thing and you're like it's not a i don't mean it to be a thing i don't mean it to like and i definitely don't mean it i just i just don't like wearing a shirt the crazy thing is though that it's you know it got dave letterman's attention and then he watched it and was like oh this guy's really funny and really good you know i mean like yeah it actually worked in the sense that it hooked him to like why is this guy not wearing a shirt and then he was like and then i forgot it's really interesting man yeah i i wish i could i wish there was more thought put into it i wish i had really thought through it but i just stopped wearing a shirt that's i mean it's the dumbest thing in the [ __ ] world and and now and then like i remember rogan i remember you calling me up one time and going you know what's [ __ ] hilarious is one day we're gonna be doing a benefit you'll be 65 and you're gonna have to take your [ __ ] shirt off and i was like yeah that's true and by the way i'll be more comfortable and then everyone's like what if you get ripped and i was like i would love that no dude have you seen ethan supply yeah yes he just did a [ __ ] flex off those i know i know he looks awesome he's incredible dude i look at guys like guy is an inspiration man he really is there are so many inspirations out there where you look at him and you're like so ethan jesus christ he the most he ever saw on a scale was 38. he was 5 38. no he said it was he ended up going more than that but you look at like where he was and where he is now the dude is unbelievable man i mean and he's but you know what people forget is he's a [ __ ] great actor he is a great actor yeah he's he's i mean his resume is wild he's done so much he is in amazing shape right now i just saw a picture of him shirtless he's fully transformed man he's completely transformed himself he's coming on my uh tom talks podcast for real yeah how did you meet him we just messaged each other oh man i want i see the thing is is that i find him like incredibly inspiring the thing that i think that people forget is that that working out is not even half of it working out is like an eighth of it it's changing the way you eat he hasn't changed the way he it is which means like it really is a mental game like how you eat is all in your brain you know like what you become accustomed to eating and how you prepare and like all those things are mental games there's times choices you know i'm eating healthy right now i love that you're burping while you say that by the way diet cokes have been like treats they've been real treats for me i've been staying away from water the uh i uh i've been doing this uh this uh trifecta thing i remember i hit you up i was like i was like they're meal things i'm doing it keto and i i've been eating healthy and then all of a sudden i'll be like all right so i'm having like roughly 1500 1200 calories a day really yeah i do three meals or like 400 calories each that's all you're eating in a day i want to snack off some peanuts or whatever but i'm eating healthy and all of a sudden my brain will trick me my brain will go hey man we can't go like this this is pretty aggressive we're i think we're getting sick we need to put some food in our body like maybe we'll have some licorice do you like you like black licorice right and i'll be like i love black licorice you're like you know what just raise your blood sugar a little bit you'll feel better like oh your brain plays tricks on you sure and to be able to go from 600 pounds to i'm sure he's like probably 240 right now probably something like that yeah that's incredible that is amazing yeah it's really incredible i don't have i don't have that brain no i mean like he you could tell that he it's like an absolute shift in in his mentality and that he also i would say is probably an obsessive type in that like once he made the change and and saw results happening he was like completely focused on that path you know like on eating this way and staying in shape and working out he's probably like very very dedicated to it you know i dude what do you think's like because i know that you are you said you were going to run a thousand miles last year and you did yeah and um and that was like pretty regularly doing it like you were right like pretty it was by the way now i look back and it was actually nothing nothing it was nothing because there's because you you've made a call that you're gonna double it this year i double it i'm doing 2 000 miles and uh and i'm i'm at right now i'm at two i'm at 70 miles i have to run five miles a day the next two days to get to uh 80 which you got to do 40 a week 40 a week to hit your the thing to hit to that roughly 40 with 38 miles roughly 240 miles a month five and a half miles a day roughly okay um 40 miles a week roughly and then you get to 2 000 and it is here's the thing i was it's like it's i'm sorry like 1600 i did the math wrong like 1600 miles a month right i mean uh 160 miles a month is that what yeah yeah roughly roughly i think 160 miles a month 40 miles a week will get you to 2000. that's what i'm looking at it basically 5.48 miles will get you to two thousand and i will tell you that it is and i've said to everyone if you weren't hashtagging it wolf machine too because michelle wolf's doing it too michelle hit me up and was like hey man i think you should lower it because she did it the first week i was like this is a little aggressive really and she runs every [ __ ] day she's a real runner she's a real runner and she does it like she's obsessed with it and she ran and she doesn't drink like a bottle of wine a night at all like she runs and she weighs under 250 and she does ultramarathons oh yeah you guys are the same and she ran 1500 miles last year and was like i don't know if i can add 500 miles to it and i'm sitting there going hold on i've already committed to this i if i don't get hurt here's the thing is that i could get hurt that's the big i've heard that you can get hurt i find myself going like just slow it down buddy slow it down jogging to 4.5 tonight watch the tiger woods documentary write down tiger woods i want to talk about tiger woods right watch the tiger woods documentary and then i'm i'm like slowly uh right now but right now i'm above board and i think if i can lose some weight and i'm trying i'm desperately trying so xanax no what right now yeah today you weigh probably i could tell you exactly how much i weigh okay i got it on my withings scale i'm sure that was a sponsor at one point so i don't my winning scale you ready yes i wish i could just send you my login and you could pull it all up up there i weigh 239 pounds wow i am 34 fat okay i have 62 percent muscle mass okay 3 bone mass that can't be good 46 water and my bmi is 31.7 okay so you want to see what i was at my fattest sure okay by the way that is just a month ago [Laughter] november 30th oh i think the next day yeah we played basketball the next day we played basketball i remember that i was 257 pounds 37 38 fat jesus 59 muscle mass that can't be right you changed like a couple percent in a month bone mass 3 that can't be good body water 45 bmi 33.9 434. it's well into obesity well into obesity yeah well skinniest i've ever been yeah skinniest i've ever been you ready yeah guess what month it was in it was last year i i bet you could almost guess the date of the skinniest i ever was last year october 31st october 31st 229 pounds wow 36 body fat okay so that means i don't know okay yeah muscle mass 60 percent bmi bmi 30. just barely fat barely barely fat happy new years from our sponsor manscape manscape is of course the best in men's below the waist grooming offering precision engineered tools for your family jewels and is here to help you have clean balls in the new year ring in the new year with the right tools for the job of course we're in a new year 2021 and hairy nuts are still gross and you need to address them um no one must be down there lapping it up taking it in the mouth giving having themselves a snack and you got all this hair down there trim it up keep it smooth and clean and let that dog go to work it's also time to freshen up the crop preserver is an anti-chafing ball deodorant and moisturizer you already put derivative on your armpits why not put deodorant on the smelliest part of your body which is your nuts get 20 off and free shipping by going to manscape.com bears get 20 off and free shipping by going to manscape.com bears that's 20 off with free shipping by going to manscape.com bears new year new balls this episode of two bears one cave is brought to you by squarespace can help you create a beautiful website to turn your cool ideas into a website where you can showcase your work publish your content whether it's a blog sell products or show all your services of all kind promote your physical ideas on line business on a website you can announce upcoming events like we do when we're going on tour we sell merch and what's amazing is my wife used squarespace to do it all my wife used squarespace how did she do that because squarespace gives you a beautiful template to create a beautiful website set up by world-class designers and they have 24 7 award-winning customer sport you can find the colors the all the different designs you want are all there very accessible if leanne chrysler can make burperberg.com you can make just about anything with squarespace go to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch use the offer code bearers to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain that's squarespace.com and enter the promo code bears i'll tell you i lied in the uh basketball video about what i weighed when i broke my body yeah you said to them 100 235 pounds no 238 i said everyone around went like this i definitely lied what were you 247 this morning though uh 2 28. are you serious yeah yeah that's great so here's the one i want to ask though what what are we going to do a weight loss job with one leg no we're not doing a weight loss challenge but when you're like i'm trying to lose weight i want to lose weight and you're working at it you're running and everything what do you feel like is a realistic not not just number to get to maintainable so you get to it and you're like i'm not killing myself to get to like keep this number going you know what i mean yeah cause like if you go like i can get down like even further but then you're like i'll just go go right back yeah i i i think in the this in the 20s in the 220s is horrible to say because that's still [ __ ] pretty obese right yeah but i mean also like you and your build like do you want to be 185 uh no here's the deal i would like to get i would love to break 200 see what that feels like yeah i'd love to get to 200 see that i know at 2 15 i am type in bert speed of australia that's 2 15. bert speedo australia for red speedo go images how many [ __ ] red speed pictures are there keep going i'm gonna apparently i wear i know that's not it that's not it it's uh never mind no he's so slow it's never gonna happen oh my god never mind it's just i know there's a picture of me in a you're are you doing this with your nose i'm typing in what you're saying okay go to uh bert australia christchurch burt christopher kirscher bruce scroll scroll scroll screen no no no no no no don't click that one it's you'll see it you'll go oh that that is skinny keep going keep googling looking for me uh i can't find it yeah but it's it's okay and when i was oh i'll just show you it right here so wait how much were you in this photo how much were you in the photo in this photo yeah 214 it was on my 40th birthday i was the skinniest i'd ever been i'll show you i can show you i love can i tell you what i love is going to the the map you ever go to the map on your phone and just take a look at all the vacations you've had no i'm ready for a [ __ ] vacation so wait is the goal weight then 217 or whatever you said it was uh i would love to be 217 sounds so great yeah 217 sounds [ __ ] awesome i was 217 in uh when i shot disgraceful for real yeah 240. oh yeah that's great that's 214. that's a good you know that's a good way it looks normal right that looks like a healthy person it does 220 if i was 220 i'd be like oh i feel [ __ ] amazing right now yeah but what so here's the thing shoot are we are you going to get to that yeah drink a little fit vinyl on the treadmill oh hey look what's here i didn't even notice oh wow um i i'm trying i i haven't drank the problem is i'm sweets yeah sweet like i get to pull up this graceful image tell me if you think how much were you did you wear 217 when i shot this it's good look right yeah you look really good your jacket's hanging and it's like it's healthier i can tell i'm healthier looking and then um yeah it took [ __ ] what a year two years to gain 25 30 pounds from then [ __ ] a man that's so much you're you're not that far off from that right now right now i'm uh 11 pounds heavier than that that's not bad now i know that's not bad at all right now i if i'm 19 um well 10 pounds from my lightest last year what'd i say 229 come on we can't [ __ ] this up we cannot be here doing this and i'm not drinking that's the thing that's [ __ ] killing me is i'm not drinking it's just sweets at the end of the day you've got to wake this is how you have to go to sleep if you want to lose weight that's how you how you have to go to sleep i don't want to do this i don't want to do this i need something in my mouth and then you wake up you go oh i feel great that's your xanax diet yeah yeah dude i told you that last night uh the best way to lose weight take a xanax at like six o'clock before dinner yep and then don't eat go to sleep that is by the way recommended by the american health association why don't they have like a half of a pill of that like of something can i tell you by the way i meant to bring [ __ ] kratom oh really yeah i want to try kratom with you on the show well yeah i got a follow-up for us what is that uh remember we wanted to be monarchs or hang out with them oh please tell me this is happening okay ready yup i got stuck in nepal for three and a half months starting in march the monarchy there has dissolved but the people don't respect the new government and still call prince paris the prince prince paris is beloved he's also batshit crazy he stayed in the town we were in and rented out a whole hotel and just threw parties every night i got a chance to party with him quite a bit because he didn't care who was there he has international drug charges dates supermodels shoots at people drives a harley and is totally untouchable the last time i saw him he was dressed in a ghillie suit and dancing to club music at 4am look him up pretty fun plus you can live like a king there for 300 a month thanks love you guys john so this dude this is where we're going this is where we're going paul right after everyone gets vaccinated put in nepali's tracksuits we're going to get nepalese tracksuits and also we have to figure out how to get in touch with him is there any way we can get connected to him oh look at this tom the gold one the the gold one oh that's our body hair go to the gold one i like the gold one is that like gentleman track suits left far left far left gentlemen track suits are these like are these nepalese flags and [ __ ] oh wow we need some gentleman track suits those are dope those are dope hey can you order some of those gentlemen track suits oh those are awesome yeah we'll get some gentleman track suits we'll get on a flight to nepal that's from the movie those are from the movie oh they are the guy richie made yeah yeah yeah that was a great [ __ ] movie i watched the whole thing you know who's [ __ ] steals that thing though uh let me guess hold on let me just hang on because i love this movie yeah uh the guy the whole time that i thought was uh was bane is [ __ ] great he's the lead he's it's not who you think it is this is the worst game of categories i'm doing right now pull it up pull up pull up the imdb imdb of the gentleman not imdb just a gentleman sometimes it's easier just click the link this [ __ ] guy oh my god that my daughter's made the funniest [ __ ] joke about the dob in the car really yeah go down uh charlie who man i'll tell you who stole the movie from hunnam i'll tell you who saw the movie for me colin farrell yeah he was [ __ ] awesome he is fantastic in this movie like that is [ __ ] great he's like now like that's a character role it's not like he wasn't above the line you know the star of the movie for like a stretch yeah and now he's doing character stuff and he is [ __ ] phenomenal he's a large dude and you wouldn't expect it colin farrell is yeah really i saw him we were looking at the same house at one time and he walked in uh sure this guy's fin he is so good in this movie tons of necklaces tons of rings this dude colin he's large he's not he's not like a fat dude but he's like a he's a regular-sized human like he's not a tiny little actor yeah he's a regular-sized five seven guys thick legs like all right like he's a he's a [ __ ] regular-sized dude by the way he used to party balls i would love to fall off the wagon with that guy you could i would love the problem is guys like that their drinking was attached to some unhealthy behaviors meaning like i think when he was partying it was like i just became famous i don't really know who i am yeah there's lots of coke there's lots of women there's like [ __ ] craziness this is who i am and then he had to become grounded so i think who he is now is probably a lot better than that guy but i and i don't want to fall off the wagon with that guy i want him to fall off the wagon with me today yeah and benefit [ __ ] the three of us come on i saw him i saw him uh last week better luck yes where in your neighborhood shut up yeah he looks good doesn't he he looks great he looks [ __ ] awesome here's the thing is i'm like not to okay i'm gonna pitch i mean not the same place quitting drinking i got to go look at him you hit the same place yeah do you go up to him say hey big fan i said you recognize me he was like are you bruce kersher did you go up and go hey uh you know how you're friends with matt damon he was like yeah there you go cool man i got the same thing we both have a born in our life uh hey follow-up monarchy another one wait we have another one all right let's put put the [ __ ] prince of nepal on ice uh hey bears if you're looking to get knighted denmark is the way to go burt would be a perfect fit to be friends with both of our two princes crown prince frederick is a former danish marine who loves triathlons and iron man he's an avid sportsman and a member of the international olympic committee he's the pride and joy of the royal family then there's the black sheep prince joachim joachim is an alcoholic who goes to nightclubs around the country and demands to drink for free while he hits on young chicks he chain smokes two packs of cigarettes a day and produces his own brand of alcohol including vodka gin bitter and schnapps in his castle he's also an amateur race car driver so tom would have some fun too y'all came back it's right up our alley except for the young chicks yokom has broken the law multiple times but in the danish constitution it's written that the royal family can't be punished they have royal immunity so there's a loophole to have some fun piss on me beat me nicholas hey pull up prince joachim's is it i don't know how to say his name right i know i'm [ __ ] it up joachim joachim look how many kids he's got this guy does not pull out he's got a bunch of kids he's not either that or he's [ __ ] really into young kids hey go to his vodka go to his vodka princio keems vodka how awesome is that that they like break laws and they're like yeah but i can't get in trouble dude i would have made a a great prince mm-hmm do you know those do you know they're like this is my thought basically mouth breathers like you know they're yeah they don't learn anything yeah they don't learn anything they don't have to do anything like then when they're born it's better if they don't know anything because you don't want a smart king or prince you want a dumb one where you can go hey man you got to show up too and they're like okay so like they're so we're they're never gonna like challenge us on any like information they're just gonna be like do you want another drink tom your race car is getting low on gas [Laughter] how do you say [ __ ] every woman in here should we do it uh when we do our trip should we go to nepal hang out there and then go denmark my god go to both hold on this can be real because i know we can do this we need to do oh i love this idea we're going to do a royal tour yeah a royal tour i think we also have to add madrid just to give it a shot to see if we can hang out with a spanish woman and what we do is we put out invites that we say basically hey we're here to see your monarchy this is where we staying if you'd like us to just and we'll put it out on the internet and if you would like a track suit or some hats we can arrange for that we we dress only in track suits we get new tracks for every day yes we have literally and we need oh my god tom this is brilliant because i've been watching so much of the crown they did these royal tours where they would go check on all their little kingdoms they owned and so we go to all the kingdoms we'd like to be knighted at we and we do a royal tour this is [ __ ] genius it is the only problem is those monarchies welcoming us in we just have to make sure that happens no we don't just show up and then we put it out there on the internet hey we are in uh what was the one monaco stephanie whatever yeah we're here albert prince albert hit us up and then he's like and you know one day he'll be like i'm like i got nothing to do let's have these two guys come over and we show up in track suits matching track suits you know they would laugh their dicks off we walk into matching tracksuits we're like what's up what's up and they're like so what's the deal like we just want to party balls and you denied us at the end of the day [Laughter] it's only stupid if it doesn't work it won't work if it works we're gonna look like [ __ ] geniuses i know we gotta try it do you know everyone in hollywood's gonna be like burt tom got knighted yeah because they talked about another podcast and then went on a royal top but we're stupid enough that it may work and then they're you know at some point they would be like someone be like why are these guys here and then someone would be like i don't know i don't know you just hit me telling me she's in the store it means it almost leads me perfectly into the fact that you're wearing a pinky ring now and you're not even talking about it i mean i'm a figurine guy it's a it's it is jarring you know i think everybody's insides kind of shift a little bit and they're like what's going on like why are you wearing a pinky ring it shows up a pinky ring shows up so the first part so it informs you so like if you see somebody and they paint right away you you you make calls about that person right you're like there's this dude checks these boxes if he's casually rocking a big pinky ring a massive pinky ring you know what's more distracting a big pinky ring yeah or a big dick and sweatpants playing basketball that poor guy i think about himself getting beat up i'd be like you hard [ __ ] i have i thought about that so much this year they knocked his teeth out like lost his hearing and they're like what happened they thought i was hard for them i just have a big dick oh i've thought about that so [ __ ] imagine like him telling his mom you know what i mean like when she's like what happened he's like they saw my dick and they thought it was hard it's just big she's like honey i know i changed your diapers got this for me for christmas can i see it yeah please okay it's a that's a [ __ ] laugh oh it's an owl it's an owl it's actually kind of cool it's a good-looking pinky ring it's a good-looking ring and so i said jesus it's heavy right yeah and you also got some [ __ ] thick dicks for fingers huh yeah my favorite part is that it smells after you wear it for a while here you go god can i see your spray here you go tom thank you so um so georgia george and i was i'm sure i'll one day talk about this on stage but george and i are at the point in our relationship where um she doesn't really want anything to do with me yeah and so i'm like i feel like that's almost exclusively girls and their fathers girls you know it's definitely girls because they start i mean cause you remember your sisters when you think about it right because i remember my sisters being [ __ ] to my dad yeah and he was just like good morning sweetest and they're like ugh god i'm like okay i made them breakfast burritos this morning and now granted i was in uh short jogging shorts no shirt with a bandana on trying to get them out of the house to go to because they go to school at the new house they have it like go to school there because it gets them up it gets their brain it's not built yet but they go there yeah and so and you can just see both of them i was like i made you guys breakfast burritos but all they can see is a shirtless sweaty dude trying to get them out of the house so george and i have not been getting long but only because she's getting older and i'm just a guy and it just doesn't make sense i wish there was a [ __ ] i wish [ __ ] i tried to hit up nikki glazer or like whitney or anyone to talk to them about that stuff and they i guess they don't really remember it they're like i mean yeah i guess and so it was getting bad right around christmas and i was like and i love her i love her more than anyone i've ever loved anyone in the world and i can't get a connection with her and then she got this for me for christmas and i said i was like i'm not like a pinky ring guy and she looked at me like well i guess you are now and i was like i guess i am oh so that's actually sweet i'm cool with looking like a pinky ring guy if it if it makes your daughter happy in that clear you're a good dad yeah such a sweet guy good dad but the uh speaking of dads i watched the tiger woods documentary yeah have you seen that no dude it i've heard it's great it's great it's it's great now here's the thing it's not michael jordan um last dance it's not that because tiger woods clearly didn't make it he didn't participate in it at all and you can tell because they kind of trash his dad his dad yeah as being what like over-the-top like obsessed dad not even i mean they call him a womanizer they say that the reason that his dad would like his that his dad had a and by the way i don't even like talking about this because i know it would bother tiger woods and i'm such a [ __ ] fan of tiger woods but in the documentary they they even say that like nothing's good like i mean it's a fascinating documentary because you're obsessed i'm obsessed tiger woods but it doesn't make you feel good about being a tiger woods fan doesn't it kind of does it there's this theory right that that with him specifically and other i guess other high achieving let's say athletes that like them chasing chicks is part of like the part of the dna of them being champions and that you know i mean like he and then it kind of coincided with the time that he was super successful then all that stuff was revealed and then like he went into like a real slump as a player yeah yeah i think i think it was the competitive gene is very much in tiger woods everything his dad used to jingle change when he was about to putt and talk and try to distract him and one guy was like hey man don't you're you're being loud and he was like yeah i'm raising tiger woods yeah like and and it when you look at that i think i would have [ __ ] definitely got along with his dad like his dad his dad seems [ __ ] awesome i mean like our parenting i'm not i'm not like that with sports with the girls but our parenting is almost right on really i mean i i feel like yeah he he was i loved in watching this they want you to hate earl woods they do want you to hate our woods in this documentary they definitely do and they actually i don't think they want you to like his mom either they don't want you to like anyone really i mean they don't want you like tiger they actually say that if you're white and you liked tiger back then that you thought you were being a good white guy because you were sporting a black guy and i'm like the [ __ ] man also he was the greatest golfer ever oh yeah and it was amazing to watch him do stuff yeah that and then of course you know my brain i start going dual if you filmed every single [ __ ] time i played golf i'd have some amazing shots too like like that my brain actually thought that and was like ev think about it we've watched almost every time the guys play golf right yeah i'd have i'd have a pretty great sick highlight reel if you could cut it down to an hour yeah yeah an hour and 35 minutes i would look [ __ ] you could do a documentary on me if you filmed all of my i mean just from topgolf you had a couple good shows just from topgolf but dude uh yeah tiger he really he had a he had like a [ __ ] i mean that was like an organization a hose like he had a whole did they break that down dude they end the first uh the first episode because i think it's a three-part series or four-part series they end the first episode they i mean it's really part of me feels not comfortable with i don't need to know the history that well i don't need to i don't need to everything to be unmasked i don't need all you to take down all my heroes with this new it's not cancel culture but what it is it's like it's like you want the truth we'll give you everything you need to know the truth his dad was [ __ ] chicks all behind his mom's back and i'm like i don't i really didn't need to know that i i right that doesn't help anything other than maybe it defends tiger's behavior a little bit is that he witnesses like it's learned behavior yeah that it's learned behavior but like i don't need to i liked earl woods before i knew he was a hard drinking hard smoking a vietnam vet who went in for with explosives like they'd drop him off and be like go in behind them enemy lines blow [ __ ] up this dude deserves is it [ __ ] up that in my head i go hey man he was in vietnam he was doing dangerous [ __ ] [ __ ] he came back he married an asian woman like the guy is an open-minded guy the guys from back then married an asian woman has a kid raised as a [ __ ] champion can we just cut the guy some slack and not go into his history on cheating on his wife like can we just cut the guy some slack and be like out of respect for you serving our country like and then i guess that does but they want to do the profile and like get into the psychology of it all he tiger was came home early from college right to see his high school girlfriend and didn't tell his parents didn't tell his parents comes home spends the night with her comes to his house the next day earl woods is losing his [ __ ] mind earl and his mom or tiger's mom are like losing their [ __ ] mind next day this is what i love what are they losing their mind about how dare you you're gonna get [ __ ] pregnant you're on a trajectory to be the greatest golfer ever you're gonna come home and [ __ ] some [ __ ] you [ __ ] out of your mind by those i'm putting words in everyone's mouths i'm sure but but you know that earl's earl and i are the same dads that's exactly what he said some [ __ ] [ __ ] you came home to bang on eight when you're tiger woods and one day [ __ ] tens are gonna be hitting your [ __ ] escalated with a golf club you're like you are you out of your [ __ ] mind break up with her tiger woods the next day writes a letter i apologize this is [ __ ] over you're a distraction i want nothing to do with you god [ __ ] tiger's a gangster tiger's a [ __ ] i'll tell you what man i'm gonna put this out there okay tiger if you're looking for two rider dies we'll be your buddies won't [ __ ] talk trash about you behind your back won't talk trash you won't sell you out i'd be [ __ ] i'd love to be friends with tiger it can happen i mean how about how [ __ ] great would it be yeah oh my god i'm on my i'm getting like chill bumps thinking about it we're in nepal right we're in nepal we're in our tracksuits we walk in the princeton nepal goes ah these [ __ ] huh and we go oh we have a surprise and he goes oh [ __ ] it's tiger woods and tiger woods walks in with us and he's like i want to be knighted too you know how much foam he could bring into that guy's life like tiger has so much [ __ ] in his life he needs some lightness like he does he's never got to be a kid and we're still just kids we're definitely kids i think we'd astound him with how immature we are that's fair he's got a private golf course yeah he's got quite the pad in florida jupiter island see i can't be friends with him by myself right no we'll go together i need you because you can play it cool yeah and be like and you kind of give me a pass when i look act like a lunatic you're like oh what are you gonna do yeah and tiger's like he's [ __ ] that was kind of racist [Laughter] when you use the bathroom you always close the door behind you right so why would you not close the door behind you when you're using the internet using the internet without expressvpn is like going to the bathroom and not closing the door did you know that your internet service provider like comcast or verizon knows every single website you visit that's terrifying right expressvpn puts a stop to it it creates a secure encrypted tunnel between your device and the internet so that your online activity cannot be seen by anyone it works on everything phones laptops even routers so everyone who shares your wi-fi can still be protected even if they don't have express vpn expressvpn is the world's number one rated vpn by cnet wired the verge and countless others so if you're like me and believe your online activity is your business secure yourself by visiting expressvpn.com cave today use our exclusive link e-x-p-r-e dot com slash cave and you can get an extra three months free that's expressvpn.com cave can i tell you and i need i need to know i need to know like how this registers on because i drove through hollywood for the first time the other day yeah moving no dude it looks like armageddon came through that place crazy there are lime scooters dude like someone just drove in the truck and just threw them out of a bag people ask me like why are you leaving i'm like take a [ __ ] drive around this place man hollywood's bad man yeah most of la is just not good hollywood's bad and they have all everywhere's boarded up still because they can't and also every freeway you drive on here has trash like mountains of trash on it yeah i drove about 110 the five the 101 i'm like what is with all the garbage on the [ __ ] freeway it's crazy i gotta be honest with you i have not i live in a little pocket and i don't even really drive much i drive here and i drive yeah but i don't really drive much i drove into hollywood and i was actually shocked because i haven't been in since all the riots have been through there and and here's what struck me here's what bothered me yeah and i can't tell i sometimes you know i feel like this i know people are going to understand this but i feel progressive because i feel like i'm ahead of the curve in what i know people's intentions are and when people say things i feel like i'm ahead of the curve on them with this but they have these on highland these buildings are like boarded up like some of them are like a vape shop or like a a convenience store or liquor store they're boarded up and then it says spray paint on the boards we support black lives matters and i thought that was the most racist thing i've ever seen in my life that they said that yeah because basically they're saying this is how i read it and i could be off on this but they boarded it up for one and then they support we support black lives matters as if to say hey black people we're assuming you're going to light our store on fire we're we're on your team right right like it was such a it was so it was like it bothered me so much like well what it is is like i get what you're saying because what they're what they're essentially doing is like saying maybe this will work maybe this will work yeah hey we'll write this on here and please don't you know yeah it was it was almost like saying black lives matters is ruining everything they're lighting everything on fire they're torching this whole city it's almost like assuming that it's black people doing it well yeah i mean i think what they're assuming i mean they're making assumptions based on like the uh when was that in may or something remember when things really went off like i remember santa monica got torched like if you say if you if okay so the the i don't know what's going on in the news yet it's been pretty wild lately no i meant i meant since we reported this to when this airs okay so like we may be under uh under siege but like imagine if a map okay flip it around right okay um imagine if the people that are protesting at the capitol uh were now rioting and people were boarding up their liquor stores writing i wear carhartt jackets [Laughter] and they're like uh you wear scarf jackets we all wear i love eddie bauer second amendment bro yeah i imagine if they were like i hate minorities and everyone's like okay he's cool he's cool that's essentially what i support blm yeah he says you just write like you do you will not take my guns you write that on your own and then they were like you know like it's and it's and the fact and the fact that that i don't i don't know if it does connect but the fact that it would connect that you would could write i listened to dwight yoakam and that people would go don't torch this liquor store he's one of the good ones yeah yeah yeah is the most asinine i was saying you saw this in hollywood in hollywood we support blm and i was like the fact that you're writing that on your board kind of says you don't it kind of says you you think black people torch liquor stores and you're going we we we listen to hip hop like what the [ __ ] it really bothered me and i i was like the whole time i was like i gotta write a bit about it and then i was like this will be over by the time i'll just talk about two personal cave and let it get edited like crazy and then make it look like i [ __ ] like hey mr clavicles you know what to do mr clavicle by the way can i tell you mr clavicle that's the one i don't like that end of your thing no no i can't he's branding it i underst no [ __ ] okay jesus sometimes he gets upset [ __ ] it's uh but it i i know it's funny it's interesting branding because it sticks with me right so it's effective but it but it bothers you it it makes me forget the video i watched oh like i see like i watch it at the end then i go ours mr clavicle whatever and it and it also it it's very serial killer-esque you're right because it has like the mask on yeah it's very like it's very dark dark yeah makes you think this guy's into like watching saul movies could be jorge clavicle is that his name i i mean that can't be his last name i don't think that's his real last name by the way he is definitely getting a [ __ ] memeing the [ __ ] out of this sure is i yeah there's a lot of guys good at that [ __ ] um what so oh yeah because i thought about this because a lot of people have uh died lately you know like it's obviously in the news it's happening every day in here around the world there's a pandemic yeah and people are still you know there's different things happening i mean i just lost uh my aunt a couple weeks ago 69 oh cancer okay good i mean i'm good but that was bad it's funny you hear about a death these days and you immediately because of coronavirus you go how old were they how did they die can i get it it's [ __ ] [ __ ] screech has cancer screech does yeah dustin diamond he's in [ __ ] a hospital in florida and they're like probably cancer i'm like who writes that really who writes probably kind no his mom died at breast cancer and he wasn't allowed back on save by the bell by the way this is what comes up in my [ __ ] google news feed dustin diamond it's serious oh really fearing cancer oh man that's just sad yeah my aunt was diagnosed in october whoa that's how fast that went what kind it was uh acute like rare leukemia it just ripped through it that's what dr drew thought he had it's really really sad how leukemia is blood cancer right yeah and she basically was just like yeah i'm just feeling like fatigued you know like weird and then you know start the test start treatment [ __ ] man like eight weeks later eight weeks yeah i think it was like that i think about that if like that happened to leanne yeah wait what so how sad would you be i have nine weeks to deal with it uh sure i mean like are you talking i don't know maybe i misunderstood the question i'm thinking from when she got diagnosed to her dying i think nine weeks would [ __ ] it would be a roller coaster man but then like how long would it take you to get over it you think i don't know like uh you mean like define get over it well you'd be obviously really sad you'd be very emotional yeah yeah yeah yeah keep going but then it's like now you got to live your life you know i would i i am i'm hmm this is an interesting question i think i would start living my life quicker than people would be comfortable with yeah i think that's what i think would that's and and then you start saying so would i pre-calculate when people saw me getting happier yeah yeah you probably would because i bet they're a dude you have to be like you'd have to be cognizant of that right you have to be yeah oh you might be like ready to go out like i don't know the next saturday and then you're like oh everyone will [ __ ] so you'd have to be like i'm guess i'm staying home again for a few months bet there are times where you you have where you're like like i'm having a good day and then you're like i better tone this down before someone sees me at starbucks yeah but for how long you have to do that for six months or longer what's crazy is other people's other people would put other people put their [ __ ] on you yeah and go hey man what about and you know that i've i [ __ ] myself because i've i've shared so much about me and leanne's relationship yeah that people would be like i mean there would be people be like i don't think you can ever get married remarried and i'd be like guys it's been it's been six months you could get remarried no no no why not there would be people that would there would be don't you think you're a relationship guy that like yeah yeah oh you think you just date somebody no i i definitely i couldn't i couldn't date someone for a year and no people wouldn't let me date for someone for a year right so let's say a year passes a year passes yeah and then i start dating someone people would think it was too soon i think i think i think i would be in my head about what people thought about it i would definitely be in front of that storm going like hold on pump the brakes i think you'd get married within a couple years i would start [ __ ] chicks so quickly i said i think you'll get married without i would i would get into a relationship within three months of burying her but because i just i know myself and i'm just too i need things yeah i'm too needy i'm too but i'm too codependent i would get in within a relationship how is she uh probably 30. i talked to my buddy tony he was talking about having another kid and i got so jealous i was like 30s 32 34. she is now oh right now she's 30. but so we're talking about a chick that's like almost 20 years younger than you that's what you think you're doing oh my god oh my god oh yes oh [ __ ] yeah oh oh my god what would i talk to her about right so maybe oh no i oh maybe 38 39. i don't want to [ __ ] have a 40th birthday party this quick for someone yeah let's do 20 years younger than me jesus i guess i mean that's a respectable how old's leonardo dicaprio's girlfriend oh my god how old's leonardo dicaprio's girlfriend if he can oh here we go i think she is a dime [ __ ] he's 23 years older there we go you're right so twenty twenty years is good it's an eyebrowsing age gap oh [ __ ] never mind i definitely would have to date someone older older just because not older than leanne i'm not going there [ __ ] we're in different phases for the vaccine for christ's sake yeah jesus you know [ __ ] depressing she was like oh my god i can get a vaccine in march and i was like for real she's like well yours is june and i was like oh [ __ ] i would how sad would you be if i died though oh my god i would be i would be i would be more sad just so much of my life would change i know that's what leanne wants to hear did i mean it with you [ __ ] oh oh my god i would never be able to replace you oh oh [ __ ] i know that's what leanne wants to hear the whole time that's of course what they want to hear never ever get over [Music] uh i feel the same way i feel the same way i would i would be inconsolable if you died if my wife thought i'd be like you got to live your life oh [ __ ] i would never get over it i'd be having charity events for you every year i [ __ ] cry on every show i was on oh my god ugh oh [ __ ] oh god i love this podcast so much it's so funny i don't think i do anything with leanne that this is this one what uh the super bowl we're doing it oh here we go the next live show with a new hosting service that has much greater bandwidth yes is going to be during the super we're going to we're going to watch the super bowl with you with somebody who we will be announcing very soon who is um check your phone see if they replied back yeah i um i did we've got uh someone we're going to do this we're going to watch the super bowl with and we're really excited yeah i'll see you i can't say who it is yeah i can't say it you can't say it but it's it's being worked out and we're really excited about it so we're going to have so people can start the super bowl and turn us on yep and we'll be on before it starts and we'll be just kind of like getting ready to watch it and then we'll watch the game with you we can be on a laptop or on a tv on the side and we're just going to be sitting here with a special guest watching the game commenting on it partying and we'll have some other pre-packaged shot things but we're really excited about it and this will be an epic event we promise it's going to be i we're so excited about this i cannot i cannot wait it's pretty awesome it's pretty awesome so this is gonna be a [ __ ] blast this is gonna be a good one that we could never do with our wives can you imagine watching the super bowl i would be like why you gotta bring in new people it worked good with us ugh oh my god i can't believe that all the things liam would want to that i would want leanne to say about me i said about you [Laughter] um okay somebody said they're poking holes in original thoughts you want to hear yes and by the way i am i am obsessed with i think that's why i i i yesterday i was on a jog i took a jog outside for the first time [ __ ] nightmare you can't jog but you have to have a mask up around here horrible it's really stupid and i saw people that had uh signs in the front yard because now everyone wants to put their politics on the front yard and i thought my politics are a private matter i don't want to share them with everyone but more importantly i don't think anyone makes a sign for things i believe in that i would put in my front yard that i would want other people to know yeah like i don't think they have signs like and then i was like i should start making yard signs for things only i believe yeah and then put them in the front yard and then people would be like what the [ __ ] yeah keep going um okay so this is poking holes in the original thoughts okay and by the way uh shout out to whoever got two um dishwashers i just convinced them putting in two dishwashers in the new house that's a good it's a brilliant [ __ ] idea it's and i told and i didn't pitch it the way he said it because i told dan i said leanne think about this we don't ever have to put our dishes away we got clean dishes and we got dirty dishes yeah she goes yeah but i think we do it so that we could always have clean dishes and i go or we can keep all our clean dishes in there and then we pull them in there and then just put them back in and then that's where they go and then yeah i didn't do it the way he this is said that this is the very first one says problem with dishwasher idea oh [ __ ] i've already bought two dishwashers i've i can i tell you i also bought two refrigerators i've i literally this guy i was like if you got if it was a dishwasher it's 400 bucks like if you got 400 bucks why wouldn't you get and leanne's like well what about the space and i was like [ __ ] it we don't want it you're talking about places we're going to keep dishes anyway right i just bought two [ __ ] dishwashers here's what it says uh the two dishwasher's idea where are you supposed to put the dirty dishes when both of them have clean dishes if you're watching in one and pulling from another you don't have anywhere to put the dirty ones think about it love the show you guys much love read thanks reid here's the problem with transition glass somebody suggested that transition glass in all cars sounds like a good idea and truly you drive your car into a tunnel on a sunny day and you can't see and you're [ __ ] dead transition glass stays dark for a few minutes after getting out of the sun big fan mitch another problem with transition hi guys i'm here to poke some holes in the transition class idea it would be difficult for the windows to adjust to artificial lighting causing blackouts in highly lit areas of traffic we can call them bird outs love heather oh [ __ ] i love poking holes in brilliant original thoughts original thought penis problem hybrid hey barf and tad bruce here's an original thought penis problem hybrid for you why is there not an apparatus made specifically for dick measuring surely the good folks who brought us [ __ ] rings and fleshlights could work something out i'm no engineer but it should be a fleshlight-esque device in which you insert yourself it would then just digitally display your dick size length and circumference feel free to develop a prototype matthew i mean that's actually a good idea they have scales why wouldn't you why wouldn't you i tried to weigh my dick one time yeah it's got some real weight to it uh put my dick on it on it was what we used to measure food yeah a little scale yeah see if this guy will answer and uh and then i just realized i put my dick on all the place i'm gonna put my food so yeah oh on that did you remember what it weighed was it a certain amount of ounces like eight ounces eight ounces i think i don't know either that or that was my dinner last night uh just do you weigh your food a lot i weigh my food all the time i weigh my food yeah i got obsessive compulsive about burgers i like to weigh my burgers because i i you know you get all the [ __ ] i'm kind of hungry right now i'm [ __ ] starving just out of that you just as soon as i said burgers i was like does your mouth water sometimes my mouth waters all the time you know leanne says that's not a thing what do you mean it's not a thing she goes your mouth don't water that's like a way they say things no i said you know my mouth actually waters yeah it ain't water you can smell so well it's not water it's saliva it's saliva yeah yeah my mouth [ __ ] waters yeah it's an expression that means that your mouth is filling with saliva because something has wet your appetite right i mean she's like well it ain't h2o no she goes no it that doesn't happen she doesn't believe it happens oh and then i'm sitting there defending no it definitely [ __ ] happens like just for then i was talking i was thinking about i want to get uh little mini burgers for the girls they've never had crystal burgers or uh or white castle so i was like my mouth watering again i was like i want to find little mini burgers in la i don't even know where they sell them i don't even know a place that's got like little mini burgers in la so i but i get obsessive about making burgers and i want them all to when you get like four pounds of meat you're gonna make burgers for everyone i want everyone to have the same sized burger it sucks when you make burgers and then you just do them and you ball park them and then all of a sudden someone's like is this a half a pound of meat you're like sorry i that was supposed to be for me i remember not being like not having really made burgers and then doing it in college i was like i'll make burgers and i just made meatballs like they were all meat that people were like are we eating meatballs and i was like i guess so i didn't know how to flat i didn't know how flat you really got to make them it's amazing the kids whose parents were divorced and they knew how to cook for themselves yeah and you'd go to college and they'd be like what are you making you're like oh making spaghetti and they're like you need to put olive oil in that water and you're like huh like olive oil and salt in the water and you're like i don't know what you're talking about what's going on with you and then you pull out just a stick of pasta that's all stuck together and you're like how come this happened and then like you need to stir it it's amazing you know who taught me how to make omelets uh patrice o'neal taught me one time and then and i thought it was so odd the way he taught me and then daniel rollins taught me the second time and he taught me the exact same way and i said did patrice teach you and he said no this is how you make omelets and what do they teach you they season the pan both of them seasoned the pan they put butter and then all their peppers and salsa that went on the pan yeah and then they put the egg in they got the egg really they got the pan really hot poured the egg in and then would let it sit there and like lift it up and let it pour under it and then they put the stuff on top of it and then i a white person taught me how to do it and they put all the [ __ ] in the pan first like all the donnell and patrice would get the egg make the omelet and then put the stuff in and fold it over yeah then a wipe i saw a white person do it at a country club and he put all the [ __ ] in the pan put it in the omelet and then kind of folded it over i gotta be honest with you i think i like patrice's and donnell's better yeah i've done that i've i've made almost that way the way that they made it the way that padres in them do you see these in the pan i've seasoned the pan a number of times i mean i have also seasoned like the like beat the eggs and put seasoning in there too but i've um you know like put butter or cooking oil or whatever on the pan put seasoning in the pan and then pour the egg in there too and i i do beat eggs first in there and then any topping on after really like a real black guy like a [ __ ] i would love i wish that was like a i wish that was okay that we had a website where it was like like these are like certified certifiable stereotypes that everyone will adhere to you know like we could make that site brand new stereotypes.com and it was like but it was nothing was hateful everything was like oh yeah yeah yeah we definitely do that like yeah like something like innocuous like um do you guys press your jeans and then all the all black people were like oh yeah we pressed jeans and you're like well if you're like shut up we don't press jeans do they all press jeans i'm just trying to think of something oh okay i'm just trying to think of something that no one would be like what are you trying to say about press jeans oh you're like oh [ __ ] right like i remember not actually offensive i'm trying to think of a good stereotype that is not offensive well let's think about white stereotypes hmm smells like wet dogs yeah but by the way that how come no what are some white stereotypes that hurt our feelings well some people don't like that one oh i don't mind it i actually think i do smell like a white dog when i get wet if there's one thing you don't know about me is that i love to match things with my wife i know that sounds so silly but i absolutely love it and i'm super excited because me undies is releasing their vda collection in undies loungewear and more so if you're like me you can match on valence day diamonds day with your special all you got to do is say those three special words everyone wants to hear match me undies and if you're single no problem show yourself some love in something that makes you feel amazing and you deserve i love me undies we all know we chaffed them i chafed my dick like a week ago running in running shorts and i've just been running in me undies i swear to god i just weren't running my underwear i know that i probably should put pants on too but they're [ __ ] so comfortable me undies are made with sustainable breathable softer than soft fabric and in a range of size sizes from extra small to tommy's size 4x me on these memberships gives you and your boo a new pair of undies or socks every month members get discounted pricing on everything meundies makes as well as early access to major print launches they have great officers for our listeners for any first time purchaser you get 15 off and free shipping me undies has also has their problem free philosophy if you're not satisfied with any product for any reason they'll refund it or exchange it no caveats no questions so you get 15 off your first order and free shipping go to meundies.com bears that's meundies.com bears this episode of the podcast is brought to you by fight camp fight camp brings the boxing gym right to your home with a mix of cardio and conditioning for a full body workout have you ever wanted to learn how to box or kickbox from real fighters you want to continue your martial arts journey from home maybe you want to get your kids your family involved in a fitness journey with you 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today like full shower head to toe in the shower in the shower head to toe hot water soap and shampoo soapy shampoo the whole [ __ ] kitten caboodle holy [ __ ] the whole and i actually said i should tell tom i took a hush hour today that's pretty cool i took a whole head to body talk i was gonna get in the pool and then i was like ah it would really depress you to watch me take a shower right now it's a whole procedure and you think you're watching someone at the end of their life sweet how do you only can use one hand to wash with no because i can i can pour into this hand and then you know this glove comes off i take the glove off but i got to take the brace off the wrap how do you put it in how do you put a shoe on you can you bend the knee to put a shoe on yeah i can manipulate it and i can lean down and tie it but and now because now it's a little bit i get the brace off on friday but like it is a sad thing it takes forever dude like i got i need help to get in like to make sure everything's dry so i can slip and really [ __ ] myself up oh my god so i walk in i sit on a chair that doesn't feel doesn't give me confidence it looks like a shitty chair and they're like this is the one we have and then i have to take the brace and the wrap off christina turns the water on and then i sit there i'm like come back in a few and then i uh i sit and i shampoo and soap and everything and then when i'm done i call her back got to get dry dry the leg and then wrap and put the brace on the leg before i have a wrap on your leg also under the under the brace really yeah so i have to put that back on before i stand up do you have to how often do you shower now it's like once every two days a week yeah i used to i mean i used to love sometimes i've even gone three days the longest i've ever gone but i'll give myself a [ __ ] bath on those days you know yeah like i'll do what the sponge bath was which is essentially like towel wet armpits crotch [ __ ] you know and then just then put soap on it soap it up so you just have like the funkiest parts of your body cleaned yeah usually if i usually if i do get into a hot shower i'm just hair beard balls and pits like just that yeah and then that's it i don't go my whole body but today i was like took the time wow it [ __ ] sucks like i really appreciate a shower now you know what day do you think you're gonna be like back like give me a day where you think i'm gonna actually be like probably eighty percent ninety percent so the arm's moving really well like yeah so the brakes have nothing on that no nothing's on i have titanium plates in there so and it feels good it feels pretty good and i have like a range of motion like i can actually like move the arm you know you on pat mcafee was the funniest goddamn thing that was fun the funniest [ __ ] thing you him and and aj hawk yeah i was crying laughing it was a fun time those guys were really fun uh pat and aj are great man i mean what pat's done is amazing i think it's amazing dude both of them i'm [ __ ] massively impressed them and the [ __ ] what's the other one oh the the bus boys they're not the boss boys god damn it type in barstool sports um bus podcast in nashville's podcast we actually talked about these guys really i like kfc a lot i like kevin yeah i love kids yeah he's great bar stool busting with the boys bar still sports you know these guys i do i don't know man oh no it was me and uh it was me and brandy schaub type in boston with the boys they're they both play football for the titans i think busting with the boys why is this so hard you already have it you got it bar stool boards sports can you get the host names they sent me some merch and i thought that it was from dave portnoy and it got stolen the girls took it immediately girls take anything they get sent to the house it's cool will compton and taylor okay yeah and their [ __ ] podcast is awesome what was that i don't know all these all these guys but all these guys that are doing podcasts i get so excited [ __ ] uh dan levitard dan levitar's doing a new thing what's he doing he's got he left espn now he's starting his own thing see here's the thing that i get i get obsessed with yeah like i remember telling someone about two bears one cave and they're like well hopefully you and tom can sell that as a tv show and i was like why yeah that's why i was like no that we would never do that and they're like well wouldn't you like to get paid to do it i go we do get paid to do it and then like no but like big money like the opportunity to get big money i go i think we're good and then i started saying what is the price point okay and i put this to dan lebotard busting with the boys aj hawk uh and and pat mcafee what is the price point that you would pay that you would take to sell you've got to pick a port price you can't say no cause i know our both our answers is no uh netflix says we would like to produce two bears one cave we want to do uh 52 episodes a year we want to come on every week but we want to do it how much do you get and we also want to be able to put in our notes like we're not a big fan of the set and we might like some of their notes how much would how much would you sell two bears 1k for and i put this question to them because right now dan levitar is he was had a very successful show on espn and i think on siriusxm and then his contract came up or they were kind of [ __ ] with him or maybe disney's running out of money i don't know what it is and he went off and did his own thing and and he was all i think he was offered by people certain price points to go and do or he could do his own thing and we decided to do our own thing yeah but we decided on our own back before anyone ever wanted us to do anything now that people would buy this show you know we could sell this show to converse central in a [ __ ] heartbeat they'd be like they'd be like uh-huh please how much what's your price point so is your question though like how much like to stop doing this stop making it fun and start doing it for a business for a television program yeah to make it where all of a sudden you have like three producers that have aren't really in they just right they just got put on our project right i'm not saying that netflix whatever netflix would probably be a great time to be able to go and they're like and it's time for the funny five hey guys it's the funny five segment yeah and i have segments that i don't want to do original thoughts did so well we want to do some not so original thoughts and we want you to really promote it and and we don't want a hashtag of bert's new website uh brand new stereotypes yeah that's not i think that's a little off so bert can you dial that back like hey that's part of the fun is the [ __ ] broken ideas yeah yeah yeah so how much would you how much would you sell it uh per year just this show per year just this show per year what would i need to get paid personally i mean it would definitely be well into eight figures well i put the number on that was well over 10 million like it would have to be like 25 35 a year 35 million dollars yeah because you're also paying for the fact that i'm doing something that i don't want to do now so it's not just crazy it's not just replacing revenue it's like well now you've like now i'm in a bad mood about what you're making me do so you have to pay a tax so that i come in with a smile right that's so funny because you forget because now like now like i'm in a bad mood now picturing how not fun your [ __ ] pitch was you know so like when they go this is a crazy amount of money i'm like yeah cause you [ __ ] ruined my happiness so now you gotta pay for it we did this for free i mean this was yeah and it's fun i would do this for free like i would i don't want to do that sometimes i go like we'll start talking i remember one time i was talking to joe and he goes whoa whoa save it for the podcast yeah and you're like oh yeah good call why would we have a regular relationship when we could do it on on screen which is leading me to because like you just gave a bullet point see this is the thing that they wouldn't want us to do on the show you were like let's you're like porn as a talking like so what did you watch a porn like what's the porn thing oh what's this what is this oh you you want to hang on guys tom wants to really hammer in the factory i did dunk on a nine foot rim i don't i don't even know if this is what he's playing what is this go ahead no i can't get it i don't i don't know just make sure we got that i don't know why he played that i wonder if i could dunk on a nine foot rim now that i'm 17 pounds lighter no should i should i just yes you should try let me be there i wonder if i could reenact your fall can i tell you i'm shocked you're not on top 10 plays of the week on sportscenter i'm surprised that like more nba people didn't reach out that kind of hurt my feelings yeah it's amazing to look at someone in the nba do it and go you're not breaking your knee and breaking your arm uh yeah and also like uh they're like coming down to get to the rim they're like oh it's crazy it's crazy some dudes have like over 40 inch verticals it's just it's freaky you know dude uh did you see bambam baklava another inspir inspirational dude action bronson looks [ __ ] amazing oh yeah yeah you've seen him do over 100 pounds type in action bronson box jump yeah action bronson does a box jump where you're like shut the [ __ ] up a 30 inch box jump or you can go to the video yeah look at this right this is [ __ ] action bronson hmm after several misses felt good yeah he is in great shape man and he is active he lost [ __ ] he lost a lot of weight man he's my size right now he's 240. he's 240. he's 240. he was what 360 or more i think he was and dude look at this look at his workout 33 inch box jump after several misses three inch game from last week a thousand a hundred kettlebell swings with a hundred pound kettlebell 445 max 100 swings we should start surfing when you get back in shape you know action bronson's surfing every week is he he's going surfing all the time is he out here he is you know can i tell you he is we're good here shockingly uh athletic like really really really athletic like i say shockingly i just think people look at a guy like that and you go well he's good at rapping he's good at cooking why would he be good at right at sports he would have done that as a kid yeah but man he is like he got up on a surfboard with just flawless just hopped up on a surfboard really hi man i would love to start surfing yeah probably not gonna ever happen christina started taking surfing lessons when a few months ago shut up yeah she wants to do a surfing trip and everything yeah hold on yeah when when are you guys doing a surfing trip i'm not doing it what is she doing it with her friend who jess i want to start surfing yeah the two of them they did they went and got surfing lessons and then they're like we want to go to you know chicks trip probably go [ __ ] god i want to go on a season party balls costa rica my problem is all the things that i attach to surfing is like drugs and alcohol and you know they're double teaming the surf instructor it's not like that's not happening oh this costa rican guy's dick fell into our mouths oh but now i can surf [Laughter] oh i would love i would love to there's maybe i'll do a lifestyle change i said leanna we were sitting in the kitchen and i go how about this lifestyle change she was like no lifestyle change you know my favorite by the way because it was really it's really i'm changing topics on you but what it's such you know you do get bummed out when you're broken like over the course of the month you know rehab and you know you can't move and you're like that's going to take a while my favorite thing would be to watch that dunk video and listen to you you go that is impressive you know that i say that pull it up let me hear it yeah and you repeat it and i would be like that feels good no i can't get it look at my belly i know and then um this is and then two minutes two minutes before we should do a time travel script where we take the videos we've shot but then we do videos inside these videos so in this video we do this and then we reenact it right this will be the movie we reenact it but we come in and then i me and you come in and i go like i go tom don't dunk and you're like what i was like you've done it you have nothing to prove dude i think about sometimes how right after that dunk i'll i'll like fantasize that they raise it and i'm like i'm good that that's that's the limit do you know that's what i'm doing on the treadmill today that my workout was five sprints then followed by five four minutes of endurance followed by three sprints then two minutes of endurance and one sprint and you're supposed to do your sprint as like like a nine and i got on this morning and i was like i'm [ __ ] tired i don't feel that good and i was like i just want to get a quick run in i'll come back i'll run again later tonight so i start to do the run the sprint and i go you know maybe i'm saving my life by doing it at a 7.5 yeah i go maybe i'm not blowing out my knee this morning maybe i'm saving myself a trip to the hospital how come there's no like spokesman for that like david goggins is always like is like you know [ __ ] him kill it you can't you can't break me you can't kill me yeah what about someone who's going hey man they can kill you yeah yeah pump the brakes you can be that guy yeah yeah that could be your video dude if you run too far you're gonna get hurt just chill today yeah that's your video like yeah because i literally was on the treadmill and i was like i bet tom wishes he had slowed it down that why doesn't nike have a commercial can someone do a commercial of just people getting hurt and then and then go and maybe don't do it maybe don't do it maybe don't that was didn't someone do a meme of you yeah just don't do it just don't do it yeah someone put together that commercial of like epic fails and then have tom in there every five minutes oh i think tom will be in there i don't even have to request just don't do it uh wait so what's the porn thing why did you mention porn oh it's stupid tell me i was watching this ken burns documentary on baseball have you seen it no it's [ __ ] awesome and i go back to like the 1980s when i was obsessed with baseball and i was like why is it not interesting to me anymore like i can watch baseball but i'm not like into it the way i was into it yeah as a kid when they would saturday morning this week in baseball i would be like obsessed with plays of the week i would be obsessed with it and i was like maybe it's the same reason i like porn because i used to be able to watch that and then go oh i'm gonna go try that this weekend right and and then now i can't try any of those moves and does your porn consumption way down my porn consumption's up because i go i watch it and i go i can try that now on her wait didn't you just contradict yourself no no no i watch porn now and i think uh that's a cool move i'm gonna try that in bed oh and so but i can't do that with baseball so that's why i don't really give a [ __ ] about that i got you okay okay yeah so i was like maybe it's a correlation of yeah because you were doing the basics playing baseball every [ __ ] day yeah and i was like oh i'm gonna i'll have a moment where i can dive and get a ball and now you're like i'm gonna sit on her mouth yeah i'm gonna [ __ ] gag her out yeah oh i had a great one with lehan you did oh i like how you specified her like i was gonna be somebody else you know what i did you know what i did she's not gonna be totally comfortable with this uh-huh i decided because a lot of our sex is set up like where the kids are gone and then we have some time we don't get sneaky sex anymore because she's just i don't know if she's not into it yeah but like and it is creepy that your kids would be around they're [ __ ] teenagers so we go i get out of the shower maybe i got a shower i'm sitting on the bed and she comes in and say come here she sits on my lap i go over i closed the door before right locked it she didn't know i'd done that and i started hitting on her and she was like what are you doing what are you doing the girls are the girls is the door closed and i'm like the door's closed and locked she was like oh boom i was off the [ __ ] races nice and yeah i think it was early so the kids were still asleep so they were in their rooms asleep yeah [ __ ] put in work yeah put in work and then and then right as it was my turn so you know i'm gonna do her first and then come on [ __ ] right is it my turn i heard we heard someone go mona talking to the dogs and she's like this has got to happen quick and i was like you've got the right guy [Laughter] it was interesting i haven't done one i haven't done a sneaky one like that like where i got where it wasn't like hey do we have like 10 minutes is that are we cool you know it was nice i got to go uh hey uh you ever [ __ ] a [ __ ] before and she's like no i know it's temporary i'm like it's not temporary i'm disabled i'm out i'm here at the va clinic every day just trying to get my meds you want to [ __ ] i'd like to dictate a book to you with one blink of my eye i'm like does it make you feel weird that this [ __ ] hands on you you like take a finger out of the glove and try i'm just it just doing physical therapy oh god oh my god it's such a [ __ ] do you take the glove off the [ __ ] do you keep it on it adds to the fun yeah smell this thing is not playful that is the weirdest thing i can't believe someone invented that yeah they did a good job though it's really helpful really what does it do it strengthens your fingers well it gives you a bigger like it gives you range of motion more ability than you would have because the tension bands pull your finger back oh so normally your hand would just be like this it would just like i would go like uh oh really yeah okay you can do that and then it keeps your wrist up where i have to like concentrate and go like so it keeps it up as opposed to like dropping down oh yeah when do you get take that thing off um i don't know when you get your fingers back when yeah when my hand comes on when when can you start lifting weights and doing bicep curls uh last week really yeah and i have to rig it no i have to put on a i wrap my entire wrist and hand in like a boxing wrap yeah then i put another wrap on it and then i put a weight in my hand and i wrap the weight into my i rig it into my hand so i can because it's not the arm strength that's the problem it's the hand wrist stuff shut the [ __ ] up yeah so i like tie a weight to my hand everyone be grateful for your mobility and use your mobility this week and send us answers of you using your mobility if you have it in your heart [ __ ] somebody who is disabled ooh i like that we need it we want to come too god i hope it's you that's just disabled for a long time why because i don't hope i don't that's why i'm trying to be healthy because i was like that if that had been me it would have been a [ __ ] show i would have never done the rehab i would never done anything why would you not do the rehab it's just not that guy i was thinking about it today yeah and you were i was like you said yeah i do rehab six days a week and i was like i would have done like three yeah i'm working out like every day man and what do they you just do stuff like they grab a so yeah it's like they're like you know can you brush your teeth and stuff no it's just like um it's just exercises it's basically like it's workouts so it's it starts with like stretching stuff because you gotta like warm up everything so you do like stretches and like you know like you just like a series of stretches and at first it was just that body weight things like leg lifts and side you know whatever hip abductor stuff and then now i i started to weight so i did dead deadlifts the other day no yeah but with lowered weight and a raised like not from the floor right so they raise it up and then yeah i did overhead press how small is your leg going to get will you measure your leg versus the other well now really yeah it's totally atrophied yeah really because you haven't used any muscle in there well not no that's not entirely true because i have been doing all the all the pt stuff yeah but it's not like the way you're using that like you're using that leg this leg is doing a lot maybe you just keep it that way yeah just limp it just yeah and just dude do you remember when a limp was a thing oh it still is i'll show you i get a new brace on friday i'm so excited really it's a bendy brace this is a straight brace so i get to bend my leg on friday oh they bent it the other day in pt and you could feel it feel it yeah i was like ah are you serious yeah it hurts is your patella totally there yeah shut the [ __ ] up it's just the tightness that what hurt was like i was like oh my because if you keep something straight for [ __ ] six weeks oh my god you know when you bend it it's not gonna feel good yeah you know what we should have done and i didn't think about this until now we should have in solidarity uh me and everyone that works here and all our fans should have put a brace on one of our legs for a month so that we could all rehab together yeah what the [ __ ] guys um thank you for watching please text any text no it's not it's not uh let me see if he because i asked i was like come on man let me know what's up uh it's gonna be great super bowl sunday super bowl sunday which i think no no i'm sorry i'm sorry the big game sunday right right we're not alone can you edit that out no that's okay we can say it here i think it's trademarked so it won't be like it won't be promoted as super bowl sentiment i wonder how bad that lawsuit is it's probably i mean i think they probably are pretty serious it's a registered trademark of the nfl we respect you i wonder if it's worth the lawsuit for the press we'd get okay super bowl sunday uh we are uh we're we're going to be live streaming a companion show with the big game the big game that the final game of the professional football season and uh we're going to be doing it the final game of the professional football season that's right and we'll be doing it here with a very notable human being who we will soon announce um look on our social media and everything and definitely by next week we'll confirm it but it's not very excited it is definitely not the rock so uh you know and by the way again a huge thank you to everybody that got the two bears hats i thought that i ordered enough but we will get um i don't think we're gonna do those again i don't know unless i mean unless people we may do those again but we have another idea we're working on that is legit it's remarkable it actually makes me so excited it makes me more excited it might be something i rock ev every single day or way too many days in a row it's it's here's the thing it makes me feel like i feel gratitude that the possibility of this is real just because we're com like i go like i'm a comedian and this opportunity is here it doesn't even make sense it's gonna blow your [ __ ] minds it's gonna blow your minds and and i can't wait i hope it happens before i start touring maybe in june when do you start touring again october well i um i have club dates from february through the summer and then the tour officially starts in august september august september yeah i hope that we have them before august when we both i think we'll both be out on the road at some point around then yeah i hope we have them so people can can bring them to the shows if that makes sense i don't want to i don't want to tell you too much but i hope to see a sea of them it's really crazy it's [ __ ] it's i know i hope i i'm so excited it's so silly that that it's real that it's so silly that a major professional sports organization is like yeah and tom what's up we're pretty pumped yeah all right that's it thank you guys for watching and listening we love you see you next week we love you more than we love our lives for sure and bert one goes topless while the other wears a shirt tom tells stories inverts the machine there's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean here's what we call two bears one cave no scripts a bit of booze amateur protology dirty jokes raunchy humor no apologies here's what we call two bears one cave you

Channel: YourMomsHousePodcast

Views: 1,473,605

Keywords: ymh, your mom's house, your moms house, tom segura, christina pazsitzky, christina p, mommies, jeans, up, high and tight, what's with the jeans, denim on denim, podcast

Id: KDSkIcNWOtA

Length: 107min 26sec (6446 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 18 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/Justanotherjoshh]

Anyone know what hat Bert is wearing?

[u/ExcitedlyExcited]

Hey, anyone ever figure this out?