Ep. 82 | 2 Bears, 1 Cave w/ Steve-O & Bert Kreischer

hey guys i'm so excited to be going back on tour i am announcing the start of my i'm coming everywhere world tour that's right i'm coming everywhere and this is the first leg tickets are on sale now go to tomskagoro.com for tickets i'll be announcing a whole bunch of more cities but the first ones are on sale right now i get repetitive thoughts that i can't shut down that's a main characteristic of alcoholism 100 support for two bears comes from shuffle do you guys want a free iphone well you're in luck shuffle app our sponsor is doing a giveaway of three brand new iphones shuffle is a social podcast app where you can comment and share gifts and memes with other two bears fans while you listen now finally you can weigh in on brent's insane business pitches talk about how many dogs he's actually [ __ ] or dunk on nadav for his awful googling all while listening to the podcast to get a chance to win one of these three new iphones all you have to do is download the shuffle iphone app right now listen to this episode over there and start posting the funnier the comments the better your chance to win they're gonna pick our favorite comments and memes at the end so make them good you can download shuffle app at get shuffle dot app slash bears if you're on android you can go to the same link and you'll be the first to know once the app is out download shuffle at get shuffle dot app slash bears today it is my dream episode and your dream episode too my co-host i get to [ __ ] it it's a dog [Laughter] you know that's the running joke on these shows that i [ __ ] dogs oh how about that [Laughter] [ __ ] stevo the only man i've ever seen in my life that rescued a dog from a third world country and brought it to america and this dog is inseparable with you oh my god i [ __ ] love it now dude the the video that i made of finding wendy in peru and bringing her home i watched all of that i watched all of that like it go into detail because i don't think people know like this was a straight-up street dog like brighter serious right uh not buenos aires it was uh i it was in peru it was a little town in peru called juarez and um the video that i made of finding wendy and bringing her home got more views than any video i've ever put on the internet in my life really imagine how that makes me [ __ ] feel like you have videos that keep me up at night you have met people that keep me up at night the [ __ ] kid that jumped into the cactus when you burned yourself and your skin was [ __ ] moving around i think do you have any scars from that burn uh i'd say this tattoo used to be real bright like uh that's a new way to do tattoo removal yeah i know i really burned off that one it was a controversial tattoo did you burn yourself again with that you i laid down in rocket engine fuel my [ __ ] you know does your [ __ ] ever like tingle like like you're just drinking sparkling water like it's drinking sparkling like my [ __ ] tingles like it's drinking sparkles i'm sure liquid death is like put me down please this is not the cause it doesn't but sometimes like i don't wipe so good and i don't know you know and my [ __ ] just gets on its hands and knees and says just scratch me itch me and and get in deep and that's how i end up with skid marks dude i have gone finger in my [ __ ] finger inside my [ __ ] and here's how much i love one of my podcast sponsors [ __ ] it i'm gonna just say that just like [ __ ] solve the problem dude why would you wipe with [ __ ] paper like an animal when you can spray fresh clean water it hooks up right to your toilet people dude you know what's [ __ ] up is that every single time i do a a read for tushy on my my podcast i go ahead and say this is my favorite sponsor that has ever sponsored the podcast like [ __ ] the rest of them i had known how much i loved interacting with my own [ __ ] i would have gotten to it way earlier right like i i never i was ass play i remember the first chick that asked me to put a or she wanted to put a finger in my ass and i was like that was back when like i don't know i don't know if you can say this but like you're like i don't want to be good and i guess i still don't i mean i don't care if i'm gay i don't what do you i don't even know how to handle this question i guess i'm not gay so i'm cool with it i guess i would have been cool with it i mean dude you're talking to a a wild boy over here i mean i was like like homoerotic humor and like humor is my favorite thing in the world it's my favorite thing in the world right if i would enjoy being i let me start that all over i would enjoy being gay more than anything in the world because it may whatever it does it makes me giggle it makes me giggle right you know what it is man i don't know what it is i think that um it's the concept that people are really bothered by right i think that that i believe that that's got a lot to do with it you know like when we were on mtv and and like just the whole like kind of like frat boy jock like you know like like no you know and just the idea of just putting it in their face like how do you like our songs we're wearing thongs and we're just like like you know like it's it's can i can i can i offer a compliment and say that you introduced you helped you made better strides in homosexual acceptance with frat boys than anyone ever in the world because jackass really embraced like homophobia head-on chris pontius is is the rosa parks of homosexuality like man chris pontius probably party boy and by the way chris pontius man i got to tell you something [ __ ] movie star movie star good looks the rosa parks i love that of homophobia he really he his he was very comfortable his body i've never i don't think i've ever seen his dick i've seen your dick oh my god you've never of course he's pulled chris you're out of your mind i'd love to see his dick he has this disproportionately large head of his penis which is like i do too when i get out of the pool though i'm telling you like his wiener oh i have seen his dick that's him jerking off on his stomach oh dad you have seen his i have definitely seen this dick can you get pull up that picture i got some secrets to tell you that i can't share uh at a public level but oh my god tell me everything i need to know about chris pontius because i like that guy can i tell you man as a guy who over he has an arrow for a [ __ ] well that's when that's him doing a helicopter okay so it is it's a little like he's driving look how much dick is outside of his hand if i did a helicopter you i don't think i could even get the whole [ __ ] thing out right my dick is horrible can i show you my dick i just i mean i've seen your dick so much i feel like it's not fair that you don't see mine i just got lightheaded i enjoyed that so much what did you do i laughed and it deprived me of it i laughed so hard it deprived me of oxygen yeah i got deprived of oxygen and was light-headed and i loved it i have a horrible dick here i'll just show it to you are you comfortable seeing my dick okay all right don't you show my dick okay this is like louis ck asking to jerk oh yeah that's right i can't no you can't please no they said yes my power struck yeah but my power dynamics they did not say please i'm not asking please i'm asking please please yeah it's pretty bad it's pretty bad it's really bad it's pretty bad i just know oh my god oh we gotta reset we gotta reset we're going too fast we're only seven minutes in oh my god we got i'm yeah i got [ __ ] pit stains that was so good i need to say please oh vlogging so do you drink coffee [Laughter] because because i have a ritual i don't know about you but i like my coffee really hot i like my coffee really hot like i'll make it i'll make it in in the the [ __ ] whatever the cuisinart coffee maker and i'm not hot enough so then i'll [ __ ] nuke it yeah and then i'll [ __ ] nuke and keep it in my [ __ ] thermos so that it's piping on so it's too hot to drink out of the thermos and then here's how i drink it oh piping hot piping out of a [ __ ] mug that has my mug shot on it it's a [ __ ] mug shot coffee mug you kidding me dude stevo's mug by it's my first dui on my coffee mug my second dui on my shot glass did look look at what a wasted pile of [ __ ] i am in that picture this is your second dui second dui that was the one where the arrest report literally reads defendant declined roadside sobriety tests stating he would prefer to take a nap i didn't know you could say that to the company i'd actually like to take a nap before i take this is it cool if we get some donuts and some coffee you guys will like that that's uh oh yeah i hear that that's too much i say this all the time you are a [ __ ] miracle you are a miracle and by the way these these incredible mug shot items are available at incredibly reasonable prices at stevo.com that shot glass is like 9.99 for real yeah that's stevia.com not yeah the mug is like 11.99 that's it yeah oh you must be making bang-up bucks i did it's it's i don't i think i spoil my audience by selling so much autographed [ __ ] that they're like oh it's not scientific [ __ ] i don't want it you know so funny i i i used to i remember the first time i saw an autograph and i was like this is [ __ ] everything cause i remember getting an honor if you were like an autographed kid growing up and i remember i got one from gary premion as a place kicker for the bucks and i was like oh this is gonna be worth something and then and it wasn't here's the secret here's the secret to how i knew to uh [ __ ] meet molly coote you've heard the crazy struggles of course yeah okay here's the secret of how i knew by the way tommy lee's greek sidebar yeah i i grew up my dad was a wildly successful businessman and we lived in england for most of my upbringing um but i was crazy into baseball and i would fly over to the states for baseball camp which was in massachusetts we would go to like fenway park to see the red sox and stuff while while we were staying where my dad would make a point of bringing me somewhere we where we could attend a baseball game while we were staying there he would make a point of figuring out which hotel the visiting team was staying in so that we would stay in the same hotel as the visiting team and i would just hang out in the lobby of that hotel getting the [ __ ] the players autographs as they came in and out of the hotel and i love that so when i found out the motley crew was coming to my town i i was like okay i saw them on the news the day before the uh the concert and they were on the news because like all these [ __ ] [ __ ] rock stars [ __ ] come into our city and [ __ ] break this and light that on fire like whatever it was and i loved it but but the concert wasn't until the next day so i'm like oh my god the [ __ ] country they're already here and the concert's tomorrow so that means they're in a [ __ ] hotel and i'm just like i'm like okay i'm gonna figure it out like i know they're [ __ ] they're they're birth names like like vince neil is vincent wharton really yeah that sounds like it comes with a bow tie right vincent wharton up here sir yeah and and nikki six uh frank franklin or frank carlton ferrano jr right and i'm wow and tommy lee's tommy galifianakis well i knew all their real names and i knew that of course their stage names i knew that they weren't i just guessed they're not gonna check into a hotel under either that later on later in life i asked tommy when he checked into hotels he said he checked in under the name dixie normus you know at least tommy lee's been brand friendly since the get-go ah he's one [ __ ] dude like i i bet hanging out he's sober i think i i know you're sober and i always get bummed when people are sober not you right you you're actually you're i honestly i swear to god and a huge fan of yours for so long probably 20 some odd years now is is uh your sobriety was like the greatest sobriety story ever where you go oh that i could do that sobriety like but you need to get to where you were and that was a scary place sobriety is only not a bummer if the like the drunkenness and the drug use was a bummer like i was i got to be such a bummer with drugs and alcohol that like we needed sobriety to get unbumped you know it's so funny because i remember your i and what's crazy is like you were amazing to watch in any capacity wild boys jackass and steve stevo's uh your dr stevo like i watched a lot of your stuff but what's amazing is you're so much more entertaining now you're so much more you really are and that's a hard thing to do i truly believe that that's the case and uh there's always someone like oh dude you were [ __ ] funnier [ __ ] that guy that guy's wrong and by the way [ __ ] you i don't like that guy because i know what that guy says to me i i don't like that you were funny when you're on drugs like [ __ ] eight no i wasn't that same you know what that guy said says [ __ ] do you know what that guy says to me yeah i don't go see bert he's just as drunk as [ __ ] on stage takes his shirt off hey [ __ ] face i don't drink before i go on stage okay how you like that you've never seen me waste it on stage you can suck my dick and i know where you live in minnesota oh my god so i i i i guessed molly crew was gonna check into their hotel under the name of their manager and i knew that because my dad with the [ __ ] baseball teams and he would he would reach out to the management to figure out where they [ __ ] were staying at that's how i understood it so i went right into my [ __ ] room and i opened up my tape sleeves because this was the 1980s and i had cassette tapes and i looked in the [ __ ] cassette tapes for the name manager and and uh and it said doc mcgee so i started [ __ ] calling every hotel on the yellow pages asking for doc mcgee's room and then after fighting and dude this was it was even a little bit more involved than because in the 80s this was even before they had call waiting i think so that means like when i'm on the phone for hours that means the phone's just busy for anyone calling i'm tying up the house line my mom didn't like that she's like [ __ ] you're tying up the house line and i'm like mom i said mom i said mom i'm calling motley crue okay and and this is the thing my mom could easily i love that i love the sidebar story of this of your dad looking at your mom and going honey the kids got drive now i don't know where this is gonna find success in this world maybe it's a doctor maybe it's a lawyer maybe he'll just throw up a goldfish and he's like oh that's never going to happen right but that guy i love that you know that because that was the thing oh my i was i was such a [ __ ] up i was such a [ __ ] up like you know every report card was just terrible news it was i it was like my parents were meeting my teachers when it wasn't parents teacher night because there was a crisis going on like we've got a [ __ ] problem with your kid like it was just i was one bad [ __ ] incident after another and all my dad ever wanted was like dude just [ __ ] you know apply yourself man you got so much potential kid apply yourself to do and just do it yeah he saw that in me calling motley crue and he said honey to my mom back off [ __ ] back off you know did you guys still alive yeah yeah his birthday was uh a few days ago he turned 78 and he i'm terrified of my dad losing his present you know like dementia i'm so [ __ ] terrified but dude he's sharp as attack i would i would i that seems like a great show to get dads of people in the public eye together to like just have to like have dinner together and just film it and just the second where they flip and then your dad's like my stun stevo and my dad just goes oh my son [ __ ] on a pizza box to get famous and he's like oh we can definitely cheers [Laughter] i just think i think there's such a warmth in like in like the are the paths our parents had to sit because i'm a dad i'm a dad obviously and uh my daughter quit softball and it [ __ ] me up by the way i was a huge baseball player too i would love to i would love to have a catch with you oh dude epic all right yeah and so my dad had a standing thing he said he said if you [ __ ] break my finger i'll give you 20 bucks if i could throw the ball hard enough to break his finger there's 20 bucks on the line my dad was the kind of guy that uh when in first grade we i ran the 40 yard dash or 60 yard dash or whatever and i was fast kid in first grade and i came home and i was like uh fast kid in first grade probably top five in the school that's the way i talked and my dad's like you're never gonna be faster than me and i was like i don't know i'm pretty fast and he's like well let's take it off front i was like okay so i throw all my kids what was i what was at stake was there just the fastest person in the house ah fingers on the line on the sidewalk you know those little indentations yeah look at my dad's feet he's not even [ __ ] in starting blocks he's just standing i'm like i'm gonna smoke this pool three two one and i pump like you know when you you know when you get a good stride and your toes are just kissing the ground and you're like i am [ __ ] flying right now and i look over my dad's nowhere even near me he's 10 feet in front of me running backwards he goes you'll never beat me at anything wow yeah he's an interesting guy i love him but it's a you know i have a complicated relationship with my dad because i like because i all i've ever wanted is his respect but i went about getting it in a way where i take my shirt off on stage and tell stories oh my god you know like so it's that pierced me that pierced me because like not necessarily from my dad but from anybody ever like in my life all i ever wanted was and when i was a kid i wanted the there's a report card and i'm so i so cut you off and i'm sorry but there was one of you there's a report there was a report card from my sixth grade homeroom teacher uh uh comment on she wrote uh steve uh is like i think steve is so desperate for the affection and approval of his peers but everything he does to seek that affectionate approval brings about the opposite effect that is a area i paraphrased that's what you said like i i [ __ ] tried so hard i was [ __ ] like that like you know in in the cafeteria check it out everybody i'll [ __ ] consume the whole salt shaker yeah sort of like assault to make friends yeah and started lines of salt put a noodle in my nose i had to come on my mouth and i was like dude they're gonna think i'm so rad and they were just like wow that's really [ __ ] creepy there is a fine line i remember i remember uh we were in philadelphia and it was uh it was a very urban neighborhood my cousin abe lived there and i was trying to get these kids like me and i didn't realize the absolute differences between a white kid who grew up privileged versus black kids who grew up in the inner city and i remember i saw a comb on the ground and i was like hey guys free comb and i comb my hair and they would not talk to me they were like he just combed his hair with a comb from the ground and i was like what my cousin is like why the [ __ ] would you do that and i was like i'm trying to make friends how do you my friends i mean my my my need for acceptance and i and i know that there's a vulnerability and i think people will mock it because they're like what the [ __ ] but it's why i'm here it's why i'm doing podcasts it's why i do stand up sure that's why i sit and think of jokes all day long it's why i think of promo videos to people come it's it's it's it can be crippling in a weird way let me ask you this um when it was time in grade school for you to get up in front of the class and give like the the oral presentation to the class were you the kid whose voice was shaking because you were so [ __ ] nervous uh no wow okay i was like i was the kid going when are they going to get us up there one of the i like i every time i mean like i'm so glad i asked that oblivious to the fact that children didn't want to be in the talent show i was like can we go twice like i got right [ __ ] so many talents like like when when they said when i mean anytime anyone said this is like almost embarrassing but like if say we're at a bachelor party and i barely know the groom and everyone's giving speeches about the groom all i'm doing is thinking i got one that i think will work i barely know the [ __ ] guy i met him yesterday and i'm like actually i got a funny story and he's like who is this man i like to talk i am i am horrible about that like if there's any moment i was just i told this on stage one time i've told it before on stage maybe i'll tell it i'm not gonna tell it a special now so i'm telling it here but there was a time where uh i was just telling this on a conference call too literally a minute before you came in there was a woman named you may want to edit that out uh and she was running unopposed for uh pta as president and i knew the teacher says yeah yeah yeah and i knew her i knew her very well we used to hike together uh we used to meet her and my wife and her friend my wife's friends used to hike and then one day she just stopped hiking with us and started hiking we're like that's odd she didn't say anything about it she just started i knew her i didn't know her right she was running unopposed as for president and i said and i'm sitting there i had to be in this [ __ ] meeting it's eight in the morning i'm hungover i don't want to be there i got a fresh cup of coffee in me and i'm like who's running against my wife's like uh no one's running on a pose like i was not on my watch she's not i mean i gotta i got an opportunity i get to talk are you [ __ ] kidding me this is like five years ago and i and i they go and running unopposed is i lean back and i go hey steven nominate me for president he goes you don't want to be president i go i do today he was like i nominate burke chrysler i go i accept and i delivered the greatest speech that was delivered that day i delivered i can almost remember it i remember saying that sounded a little bit trumpy by the way this was trump before trump okay this was this was i was trumping my i gave the greatest speech i said i said uh my name is bert chrysler i'm running for peasant president of the pta i used to hike with and immediately she goes i know where he's going with this and now everyone thinks this is a joke including until i said this and she goes oh [ __ ] he's destroying my character i go used to hike every day me my wife i used to hike with this woman you gotta stop saying her name i used to hike with her and then one day she stopped hiking with us she started hiking with she never called us she never told us why we would see her on the same trail over on fryman canyon see her all the time she never even brought it up it was kind of odd listen if you're looking for a president who one day will feel like you're not important to them maybe leave you high and dry and never bring it up then by all means vote for her but if you want someone who's gonna meet you at that trailhead every morning for that hike and take this journey with you stride by stride then vote for me bert criser for pta president and the place was like this guy's got my [ __ ] vote and she is like this isn't real this isn't real and my wife is crying laughing and she goes you have to take your boat i go i just want to see what she says and she got up this is by the way this is 100 a true story like as crazy she got up she goes okay first off they walk really fast like everyone's like holy [ __ ] she goes i didn't i talked to leanne i told why we i never talked to bert i didn't tell bert and i'm like i take back my my nomination and everyone's like i want to [ __ ] vote for bert i mean i if i see a stage i want to be on it and i and in moments like that i remember one time in in college they were uh the the side of the the side of the room it was a debate class was like a debate class and one side of the room we were taking we had to have superheroes one side of the room had to pick i wish this had been on tape one side of the room had to pick superman on our side had batman right and we were going back and forth like quid pro quo like going batting it back and forth this is in college i gave maybe the greatest borderline racist speech about immigration and aliens like superman coming to our country and taking good hard-working jobs like batman to the par to the part where like everyone the superman people are like i don't want to be a part of this [ __ ] team i want to be on batman's team i was born in america man i mean it was the most moving speech and the most moving speech to the point i swear to god this didn't happen but i feel like it did that like my whole team was holding my body up like like i was bobby schmerda like i threw my hat in the air i mean it was so [ __ ] badass i love that i love i love talking this episode of two bears one cave is brought to you by squarespace uh if you don't have a website what are you even doing it doesn't matter what you do if you're a painter if you're a massage therapist if you're a landscaper anything you do you need a website i don't even take people seriously if they don't have a website about for anything you can turn your idea into a website you can showcase your work you can publish content are you are you writing things are your photographer are you selling anklets you need a website you can sell them you can sell products and services of all kinds they have beautiful templates created by world-class designers powerful e-commerce functionality lets you sell anything online you make it yourself it looks like you hired a multi-thousand dollar web designer but you did it with the great help of the people at squarespace go to squarespace.com for a free trial when you're ready to launch use the offer code bears to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain that's squarespace.com enter the code word bears this episode of two bears one cave is also brought to you by viori these guys are changing the apparel game they're actually making stuff that looks really cool feels really comfortable and yet you can wear it when you hang out with friends you can take it to like a casual hang or you can actually go straight to work out or in any order that you wish to do it in they have all types of stuff they have the the newest stuff right now are the women's performance jogger the softest joggers you'll ever own women's daily leggings they have the men's core short the most comfortable lined athletic short one short every sport and the men's ponto short the perfect lounge or work from home short i'm telling you this stuff is so comfortable looks good and you can still take it to the gym or outside to do your active stuff maviori is an investment in your happiness for our listeners they are offering 20 off your first purchase get yourself some of the most comfortable and versatile clothing on the planet at the oriclothing.com bears that's v-u-o-r-i-clothing.com bears not only will you receive 20 off your first purchase but enjoy free shipping on any u.s orders over 75 and free returns go to fiori clothing.com bears and discover the versatility of your clothing i wonder i think you could make the same argument though for like that's why america america's great is because we do yeah if i was on [ __ ] superman i would be like he's merely a human i just love i love an art i love a good argument i love a good argument like like when not not to fight with people but just like uh that's what i think the beauty of being a comic is is you take the opposing side of something and argue it back we we talked about chet hanks the other day or like two three four months ago he's a real treat he's a real treat yeah i can argue why you should love chet hanks well yeah i mean he's he's like donald trump he's just pure entertainment no no no no no no i love i love whittling an argument that that makes you go huh like oh you're saying why you should respect chad not just like because i i love the guy but i don't respect the guy well i'm not going to do the same argument twice because i i but i'll tell you what i i believed my own point so much that i started i follow him on instagram and he gave a speech that like moved me that moved me and i went because i was going through some [ __ ] he talked about now granted it was a black queen in this as i think it was he was talking about but it [ __ ] connected with me and i was like [ __ ] yeah man dude the guy's in great shape he's doing the 60-day for 60 challenge i don't know if you're following him like i'm like a legit jet eggs fan now like i legit [ __ ] but like but it doesn't take me i always look for you a gen x fan what do you mean uh chet hanks oh chet hanks i i can find the beauty of the people that people wouldn't find the beauty in okay like like uh let's talk about the jackass crew right okay um who's the guy uh i i forget his name he's the guy that had all the beard hairs see that's the thing dude i just made a video about why they call me stevo yeah yeah someone just sent that to me they're like do you know why stevo's called stevo and i was like no it's it's a fantastic i gotta say i outdid myself on this video i love that energy i [ __ ] outdid myself and uh you know i'll just tell you what the more at the end of the video i say and the moral of the story is that you really if you're looking for name recognition it will really serve you to come up with a short goofy memorable name yeah yeah and like like like bam bam like we man we oh even johnny johnny knoxville's not a giant pj clap clap j clap is his name which by the way is also a pretty great name which by the way is also an std dude high school must have been hard for him but uh but yes so now here's the thing and and i'm not like disparaging anybody but the guys with name recognition like you just said i don't remember his name and i apologize he's a great member he's the best i [ __ ] love him i absolutely love aaron mcgehee but why by the way i didn't even know that was his name yeah i would literally right yeah and and and and i mean like really i think that anybody on j to prove my point anybody on jackass who uses onjack as the name that's on their driver's license has less name recognition than everybody who came up with the goofy bam we man yeah knoxville steve oh what's bam's real name it's brandon i did not know that exactly brandon i know a lot about bamar jarrah yeah i [ __ ] spiral watch that i [ __ ] feel like i there's a part of me that is him there's so much of me that is him yeah yeah except you just like the difference is that you weren't like legitimately famous like before you were a teenager and i think that i think that there's like when you become famous so young granted it was in skateboarding but like in skateboarding and then i mean viva la bam was viva la bam was its own [ __ ] entity like like sam was great on jackass i would argue he wasn't the best on jackass but he's a great ringleader of his group of the cky kids yeah but like him on viva la bam was really like a real extension early viva la bam like when when he took it it's got as good as he gave it and i don't mean to be critical of bam i know he's probably a sensitive place but like but like don him all those guys were so much fun it was his own entity and then you're right to be utterly famous i was with him and ryan done at a an amusement park one day we were walking around together we were ryan and i were testing for what became bert the conqueror it was up to me and ryan dunn and uh yeah isn't that crazy yeah and so i [ __ ] loved ryan dunn dude how could he not i i remember he was legitimately that guy he was he came back he came back from so we were riding a roller coaster and we were going to do the interview and you had to go in you had to interview the people doing it you had to interview the thing and then we wrote it blindfolded and then we came back and then the next guy would go and so i went first i come back and then dunn was with like two other guys that were from west chester wherever they lived they were like with him to hang out and he said what's it like and i and we'd already talked already and i was i told him i was a huge fan and that i knew johnny knoxville away before jack asked and i said i told him what it was i told him what the whole [ __ ] deal was you go over there they're gonna you know interview this on one i go they're gonna tell you this there but you should get your head around it so he comes back and his two buddies had ridden the roller coaster with me like they had ridden and they told and then they rode with ryan and then on the rock back they told ryan what i did and ryan came back and he goes did you did you ask if any blind people would ride that rid in that roller coaster and i go yeah he goes did you really ask if anyone rid with a dog and i was like yeah and he was like wait you didn't ask any like real questions i was like i don't know anything about [ __ ] blind people ryan and he goes this guy's a [ __ ] lunatic like whatever i did to do the thing he was like yeah and then bam showed up and he explained my audition to bam and bam's like the [ __ ] kind of questions to those like i don't know man i ended up getting a job but we walked around we walked around the park together the five of us really because was two of ryan's friends and maybe brandon but i remember people yelling at bam and ryan do jackass do jack it was and it was such a weird way to get recognized i remember looking at them and i was like what is dude jackass and dumb's like i don't know they just want me to get punched in the face i guess and i was like don't do that and they was like yeah i'm not definitely not doing that but it's like and so to be that young and that's but i identify with them on like uh maybe it's on the booze maybe maybe i unidentified with his excuses i'm like i know yeah sometimes traveling gets tough dude like i i gotta i gotta be careful but i'm just i don't know how to be careful um i think that uh when when bam had his uh big meltdown you know there was like he attacked his wife yeah which one and then by the way i am a bam fan right ride or die [ __ ] for bamar jarrah don vito was friends with ron uh bennington like i mean his family roots go really thick into into like florida radio so like i'm a [ __ ] fan of him my couch shout out yeah out to calvin i love my couch there so like so like yeah but uh i'm sorry i apologize i cut you off man all good i was just saying like very valid point which meltdown i'm talking about the one uh the one which it's probably the the you know greatest meltdown like you know i mean where like he attacked the manager at the comedy club which like he just blatantly didn't even like had sold tickets legitimately like the comedy club but like missed a show and then like stormed out after attacking his manager and uh there's a lot of like disparaging his wife and and this and that there was um i believe that was the same little episode that had an intervention which wasn't even got no fanfare it was behind the scenes and mind you behind the scenes there has been like moving mountains like effort and just nobody knows that you know well i think it was also not fair and by the way you don't have to say any of this i'm saying what i'm saying right now when you do make i'm just saying this and i and by the way you can tell me if we want this edited out i know from my experience when you make a movie uh in order to make a movie you need to be insured your blood pressure needs to be a certain level your liver enzymes have to be a certain level i know this personally for a lot of reasons and you take drug tests fairly regularly i did i i all right whatever i don't know what is out there or not but yeah whatever whatever but um there was a lot going on behind the scenes there was an intervention there was even a psych ward and i don't know the the the band being in the psych ward uh i don't know like um there was there was a lot and then and then that played right into the doctor field thing oh yeah yeah then the dark and then there was like with the [ __ ] alpha but now we've got this weird alphabet which seemed like you know yeah i think that i think that there's so many things that go on but the point is when i saw that and then and they're just the the the crazy it looked like psychosis i think it was really like it looked to me like psychosis is like this manic at this level i was just like i was like yes [ __ ] i was like yes he's [ __ ] got to where i was at yeah wow he got to where i was at now finally this will be enough for him to see [ __ ] like what i saw and now we're gonna [ __ ] yeah we're gonna what you know yeah yeah like you can't that's crazy you can't deny this now yeah yeah there's no excuse you can't make excuses for this anymore now you got to look in the mirror you got to see what's going on you got to [ __ ] do something and [ __ ] yeah because it's all uphill from here yeah now he's going to get sober he [ __ ] this is bottomed out and that's over like i meant it perfect um and and the thing was that like it's just that and i'm just dumbfounded i'm baffled at how like you can how you can reach these pinnacles of [ __ ] rock bottom you know like this was a picture of pinnacle that going downwards you know that's my problem i've never reached rock bottom right i'm doing really well and then you know hey dude evidently you're on fire i haven't even gotten around to kissing your ass yet you're on fire i mean like like that's my biggest problem is that and but my problem is also and not to parallel this but i feel like bam feels at times where you go i am the option is this sometimes what i find boredom or can i shake it up with a little razzle dazzle and a few cold beers you know where and i and i know that i know that feeling and i i i want this so this is going to sound narcissistic i want to party with him to slow him down and be like i know that's never going to [ __ ] work yeah it's not good it's not but like but by the way i only just noticed your your whoop band we gotta [ __ ] give some love to them but later bro or we'll do it in the ad read the uh yeah my hrv blows my my recovery last night i went to my trainer here's see can i tell you my problem with boozing is like are we doing this yeah let's do it i bet i way blow your recovery away my recovery 16 percent this is a thing my hlv is 24. okay did you take your anti-anxiety medication oh you put that on there i'm on zoloft and so that asks you if you think yeah because zola has you hold on to weight sometimes ah says a chick i dated it doesn't do anything whatsoever to like change the way you feel i mean like at least not like it's not a substance of abuse yeah yeah yeah yeah but if i'm not taking it i have a propensity to go into really [ __ ] dark places and like when i'm when i'm taking it like i don't really go to dark places so that it helps me you know i'm not a doctor i can't recommend zoloft anybody but i i personally think it really helps me a lot i could probably benefit from zoloft yeah i met a community after i first started taking metacomedian he's like oh yeah i take this off too everyone a lot of people are the funniest thing about zolap when i'm taking it i never think about killing myself i don't think about killing myself but i get i get repetitive thoughts that i can't shut down that's a main characteristic of alcoholism clip that out for me and just play that at my funeral you can't you can't [ __ ] turn off your mind it's uh the disease of alcoholism centered in the mind and it's just like yeah your mind terrorizes you with just the same it's it's like like here's how normal people think here's how normal people think they think they use their mind as a tool right they start at point a with like some kind of present me with some kind of thing to figure and they use their mind as a tool to get from point a to point b where something has been resolved and now we're good we can move on but the alcoholic mind doesn't really go from point a to point b it takes something that's sort of disturbing thinks about it in a circular loop and resolves nothing and then you go around the loop again and each time around it just builds speed and momentum and you're resolving nothing and every time it just becomes more disturbing and more disturbing and he becomes so [ __ ] uncomfortable that you need a drink oh no i don't need a drink i don't need a drink but it just it goes [ __ ] crazy like that where you go yeah but i don't but i i i'm punitive so i start going you're you're not getting a treat until we [ __ ] figure this [ __ ] out right and then and then i get on the treadmill or i work out and i go and i'm still not there and i go all right well then we're going to sauna and then we're going to [ __ ] do some polar plunge we're going to get our mind off of this thing we're chewing on right and maybe it's maybe that's we call it the spin cycle you know like it doesn't you're not always on the spin cycle but like first time first time it happened to me i thought oh we'll just share everything i had a one-night stand and i definitely thought i got genital warts i definitely thought it stevo i could not shut that cycle off to the point where i was going and this is this is why i don't drink when that happens to me i couldn't shut it off because i woke up and i s and it was almost like you're my this is my face when the thought would come in i'd be like stop it like almost like god damn it and the thought was look at your dick look at your dick check your dick check your dick and it was like obsessive compulsiveness and then it was like it was like you know what let's take care of this we're gonna get in front of this let's go to the store we'll get some tanactum we're gonna spray snack on our drinks it's frozen and so we spray it all i know i'm offering myself up for a lot of humiliation that is my job i'm cool with it and i spray it all over my dick and balls and i go tough afternoon's gonna kick this dick into [ __ ] order and then and then it got to so bad that i'm like that i'm like sitting with my dick and balls and a bowl of vinegar white vinegar watching quantum leap with a blunt and a [ __ ] 40 going like [ __ ] it i gave up i give up and it literally it took it took not one not two but three doctor visits for me to believe that i didn't have genital warts from for doctors going the first one was like what are you doing to your dick and i was like well i've been soaking it in white vinegar every night for about an hour and they were like definitely stop doing that and i was like i'm using tanactin and they're like okay hold on you're using connection and i was like that's not the only lotion and salad i'm using i found some stuff in chinatown i got some stuff i got some stuff in hawaii there was a root like i was putting everything on my dick that's not even an exaggeration that is just the truth and so then and then and then for and then can i tell you can i tell you how i got out of it you're gonna [ __ ] by the way i'm about to let you in on a secret to our listeners that you've seen me do you've seen me do it you've seen me do it and i'm i'm a little vulnerable right now but i don't give a [ __ ] every time i thought about my dick i would say a prayer to saint jude i would say the prayer to saint jude and i would grab my thing and do his prayer and then i'd go and i would do a prayer to saint jude so when i was in a bad spot and i had the bat you've seen me do this how often the dove lately quite a bit quite a bit lately quite a bit lately we've been in the darkness thinking about your dick no no no no no no no no i just showed you my dick this podcast is going full circle in the spin cycle no no i i was in a bad spot with uh with pressure i had a lot of pressure on me and i have been obsessive compulsive thinking about stuff health just it's all health stuff really and when it happens i give a prayer and and and so that it gets out of my brain and that's how i solved it with me was by and i know now people are going to go ocd in prayer like there's a prayer ocd connection where people like oh there is and so i just go i just go hey man these are my nooks and crannies like i got weird i got weird thoughts and this is so good when it comes to like creative for me when i get on a thought i can't let it go and i just keep punching it until i find the way to make it funny and so i don't want to get rid of it but i would love to never have the when the stress builds up in this business it can just overwhelm you at times where you're like like my day to day started at 5 30 in the morning yeah i had the [ __ ] best day i'm having the best day today for real [ __ ] yeah really what's your day look like today uh i've i'm doing this with you yeah and then uh i'm recording um a podcast with uh corey taylor of slipknot i love corey taylor i love cory [ __ ] tyler and you know like uh this is one of the very few cases where the guest actually reached out to me about can i get on really like most time it's like yeah you got a great podcast though yeah most of the time it's like me reaching out to the people like you know i've got my book or reaching out but they there's so we got this request with corey taylor like and you know like he'd love to come on you're a podcast and here he was on the burt cast i was like oh okay well let me look up the bird he's got the best numbers that your birdcast like ever did you just slip now it's like right back yeah let's do it slipknot's like the [ __ ] slip that's like the the uh i'm trying to think of the right analogy like the the bob marley bob marley of the comedian bob marley like does huge numbers in maine right never has to deal with all the [ __ ] like slipknot does massive [ __ ] numbers got a dedicated fan base and puts out amazing music amazing musicianship like those guys are next they're like the fish of hardcore music oh dude dude i got into slipknot my daughter isla and i got in the car i interviewed corey taylor i go say talking about i can't stop talking about the interview and it's how great it was and eileen goes who's this guy and i said i said you know what it's cool introducing your kids to music i go play some of his music thinking slipknot there's no way my [ __ ] 13 year old is gonna like this she's like i really like this and i was like really now she's just wearing black that's all she wears you haven't do you have an album recommendation for me uh for slept not no what i did was what i did was i bought the first five songs on i always do this oh yeah i go yeah i go to like jane's addiction by the way jane's addictions is a bad one i've been into a jane's addiction [ __ ] phase right lately but like i go to their first whatever they say is their first five songs that are the most popular bought i listen to those five and then i go and then and then you've used up the band yeah and then i got them i go i got that i got them i got them right see this is my approach to music and i don't even do it enough because if i [ __ ] but ideally what i [ __ ] love is the way that uh the way the music it it it's music is is like a [ __ ] uh like a disc which you download your life experience onto so whatever phase you're in of your life you're listening to a certain kind of music a certain album certain album then later in life whenever that album pops up it's going to take you back to that special time which is fused with that music this is a brilliant segue into a great segment called stevo tell me about the music during that time of your life sure okay i want to go first season to jackass first season of jackass when it pops big and you're not really bad into drug use yet but you're part of god i was i was i was gnarly okay okay i i've been a circus clown for the for the six months before jeff my last day in the circus was my first day shooting jackass so what music were you listening to when you were in the circus like where you listened to a lot um i had my favorite [ __ ] thing was this uh this compilation album of trance music i definitely went through a trance stage oh my god he went through a [ __ ] yeah i can tell you where i was in a car i went through like a whole [ __ ] phase of that like is that edm ultimately sure yeah yeah absolutely that whole [ __ ] phase of that 120 beats per minute like uh trans music like i went through a huge favor just like that song like sand blaster so good oh wait were you going through ecstasy then too i i i definitely and i was doing a lot of action i don't remember ever regretting taking an ecstasy bill i do one time my buddy ari slipped i did it i was 48 years old i had high blood pressure um i think maybe there was there was one time i regretted it because the [ __ ] thing didn't work oh i would have one of those yeah i had a few of those i think there were a couple that made me feel sick i don't know but uh overall very good experience it's interesting it's interesting i definitely have enjoyed my experiences with drugs and alcohol and i would never want my daughters to do any of them ever at all i've said to them please please please never take a pill that you don't know what it is never and i actually i talked to them the other day about xanax because i was like that's one dude when i was in rehab [ __ ] wait wait [ __ ] oh damn my shirt that's that's that's a real pisser [ __ ] yeah when i was in rehab for some reason just my own little extracurricular activity i just pulled out my my little notebook and i was like let me write down every drug and and [ __ ] what i don't like about it you know ooh this is a fun game and i was like [ __ ] weed okay weed okay panic attacks uh shortness of breath the next day trying to get on the treadmill um those are my things i don't like they they were very rare to it but i was just like what the [ __ ] slave to the munchies okay yeah that's another one yeah you just can't stop eating skittles and and they have never tasted like this before right it's just like with the feel gross with all the [ __ ] eating and like and and when a weed also it made my appearance [ __ ] shitty like i already have like really deep set eye sockets and still like i had like try to keep me dark circles under my eyes when i was super high and i was always super high so i was just like [ __ ] man it's a weird [ __ ] [ __ ] that like alcohol like everything that's actually obvious there's nothing wrong with income cocaine okay there's a lot wrong with i am just really annoying i mean i'm like i've a tendency to be annoying like anyway right like you do not i can imagine you on cocaine on a flight is not enjoyable i am not fun dude i'm not fun but but i mean they all kind of like have their own thing hold on hold on hold on let's start xanax i could not come up with anything there's nothing wrong with it i couldn't come up with anything except the funny part is that one time i was uh my sister called in a welfare check on me and like uh and and i'm [ __ ] i had taken i just happened to have taken like five bars of xanax which is like 25 builds or something right and like i was like i don't even remember it like i woke up in the hospital i had like firemen and cops i come in on the welfare check and they like put me on a [ __ ] stretcher and put me up in the hospital where i'm like oh [ __ ] man like whatever the [ __ ] am i doing here man i was just [ __ ] hanging out partying dude it's gonna be a weird feeling to be as relaxed as you are on a xanax and see and wake up and see like a fireman and be like hey man how'd you get in here i know and and that i couldn't even come up with that as a con we are supported by me undies these guys have been in the undie game for a minute and i'm telling you so comfortable actually have them on right now these guys send you different designs different styles different patterns and yeah you mix it up this way when you take your pants off people are like oh looks good summer is coming and for so many of us it's the season of discomfort it's hot out and if you could sit around in just your underwear you would me undies wants to make this the summer of comfort and they want you to know that if you want to sit around your underwear that's absolutely allowed with me undies you really want to get comfortable and express yourself this summer with me with undies in classic and bold colors and fun and adventurous prints manny's makes it easy to match too you can match your bottom half to your 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myself i tell myself i'm italian and uh it just feels good hellofresh cuts out stressful meal planning and grocery store trips so you can enjoy cooking and get dinner on the table in about 30 minutes or less saving you time i love it hello fresh ingredients are sourced directly from growers and delivered from the farm to your front door in under a week contact free of course listen it's so fun just sit with your partner your friend your kid and you make a meal in a in 30 minutes and it's fresh and it's delicious go to hellofresh.comcave12 and use our code cave 12 for 12 free meals including free shipping that's hellofresh.com cave 12 use the code cave 12 for 12 free meals and free shipping hellofresh america's number one meal kit i uh my only con with xanax is for me is i can't take it i like it doesn't allow my brain to perform the next day like i i did one time i took a xanax i get done doing a show and dating i got to drive and do bob and tom the next day and i don't want to drink so i got to get up early and drive so i'm like you know what i'm going to just take a xanax and i woke up the next day and i could not i did bob and tom and i bombed because i just couldn't get my brain isn't going tom the one where they want you to do bits yeah back in the day now you can just go and do it like i mean i don't know i don't i'm maybe i'm at a different place in my career but if i do it now i'm definitely not writing down any bits well right now but they want you to like take a bit from your act oh back then you wrote but stand up was different then in that you'd you only did like everyone only did one hour special and then you toured with that material also so you would i would write down a [ __ ] all my bits that i had and i'd given to them and i was well i was i was a really my first time doing babatama was a really great experience and then my next time was with the xanax i wrote down my bits and i just was not in like like uh uh just everything i had a joke about hitting a woman or something and but the premise was like uh now he got us through the premises was like you know why you should never hit a woman and and everyone was like because you're not supposed to hit women and i it's better on stage because no one answers it right when you're saying to someone like you know why you never hit women they go yeah you just don't have women and you're like that's not where i wanted this to go i have a punch line i'm sitting on and so i forgot what the [ __ ] joker oh yeah it was a great line yeah i was a [ __ ] i used to take big swings back then that's a bad analogy for what i just said but i used to take when you're when i was young comic i would take [ __ ] aggressive stances on crazy topics and then defend yourself i loved it how many abortion jokes do you want how does someone become an abortion doctor is there really someone in med school thinking well i want to work with kids but i don't want all those lollipops around the office and i want to meet chicks chicks who [ __ ] chicks who [ __ ] take care of their responsibilities if you know what i mean gentlemen i had a lot of abortion jokes abortion it's not murder but it's not not murder i could but i used to love that was like the fun when you're younger when you're younger you take those big chances and and you know it's different for you because you are you showed up into this game famous so like people knew you so if you said and it's it was and it was a crazy time because people were saying outrage like i remember roughly around when you were starting michael richards had started correct or no no no michael richards had come and gone he was taking big swings like that on stage before then and and you were and you'd be like man i don't think you know how to get your way out of that like we were figuring it out but we're figuring it out michael richards was the first video ever recorded on a cell phone i don't remember one before that i'll tell you that that was like that was like a flip phone that was just trying out a video camera for the first time the problem was with that is is oh it's just it's just i don't i don't want to pile on the guy that guys had enough bad but you there was as a comic there's a you just know when you just know people that have said that word on stage i've seen people say that word on stage and spin it so quickly and it's brilliant right like i've seen guys i've seen guys like uh i've seen guys like chappelle do things on stage where you go what the [ __ ] and then he spins it or my caps my caps is a genius like take something that you don't know where he's going kat williams is [ __ ] brilliant at that segura is one of my fav my legit one of my favorite where he says [ __ ] where you go sugurus has said shuttle stage that we as comics tell each other and go shut the [ __ ] up like it's he's that good i i kind of veered away from it cause i started doing tribal channel and i had all these you know all these kind of eyes on what i was doing from the network and from advertisers and sponsors and i kind of veered away from it and i think i ended up finding my voice by doing rogan and telling the machine story and then telling stories and then going like what am i doing how many views is the machine story on youtube i think it's like 70 or something yeah 70 million it's uh it's got we don't need to pull it up i've i need to know no i need to know there's uh yeah there's a bunch of different ones out there the one on youtube that's got 36 million the one on there facebook's got like a ridiculous amount and then there's one on facebook that had 180 million jesus like this guy ripped it and just put it up and i was always like i was they were like we need to get them take it down i was like the [ __ ] we do we're selling tickets [ __ ] like i'm ready to [ __ ] i i remember where are you at with trying right now touring yeah nothing nothing for the next six months yeah and i mean me too yeah i'm not doing anything um i've got a couple projects i'm working unless it's full capacity [ __ ] the king of tour buses but you're killing it on so many levels that like i always say like i always say the biggest blessing you can be given as a comedian is to be a fan because if you're a fan of people then you can always learn from people i remember going into your house when you were doing your special and you were like you were like hey man i just wanted to run this by you run some ideas by you see what you thought and i remember going like i remember sitting there going i'm not calling anyone out i love tiffany haddish but a little of what tiffany haddish did in her special is what you were doing then is is in her the special that just won her [ __ ] grammy was pulling up a video from and then referencing the v it's like no one was doing it at the time and you're so you were such a guy that was like no boundaries no boxes i just want to do what i want to do and you were editing your everything yourself you had your whole [ __ ] system and then shortly thereafter you start your podcast start your youtube channel and and your youtube starts blowing up i'm sitting with the dog that i'm about to watch the video on and i'm like god damn it man if you don't if you can't respect the game you can't play the game and you gotta [ __ ] respect the game and you are your podcast is now one of the top ten podcasts in the country in comedy it's like one of the best [ __ ] your youtube views are through the [ __ ] roof i did it like episode two it was tony hawk than me and you were like and now let me get stressed because you're the only podcast that i've put up that has passed a million views on youtube are you serious yeah you are the king of my podcast well i wouldn't mind doing a second episode man i dude i love it i i absolutely [ __ ] love it no but thank you dude you know what happened with that [ __ ] conversation because i was i felt i was just so on to something i had like it started with me getting the the rocket engine fuel burns i was like oh this would be great because well actually it started with me when i put together the hour and i thought you know what as i'm putting together this hour i'm realizing that the stories i'm telling like you know one way or another like happened on camera like where there's evidence of the stories so why my head exploded i'm like wow what if i made the [ __ ] special like i'm telling the stories on stage i'm doing the stand up but interstitially cut into the stories is footage illustrating the stories so you've got all the jokes you've got all the [ __ ] storytelling and you've got the actual visual accompaniment of like proving that because most comedians they're not telling true stories you know like and not only are my stories [ __ ] true but there's footage that's cut in i was just like oh my god this is amazing so then i started thinking well i don't want it to all be memory lane you know like living in the past is depressing so now i want to film new bits and and and let an old bit inspire a new bit and then like keep it like really freshen it up and [ __ ] make it explosive and i'm gonna so i decided i'm gonna blow up my living room and then like i keep doing these i keep doing these stunts with explosives in my life that's the one i saw where there's [ __ ] smoke pouring out of your house and your your chicks like don't worry i got it yeah a hundred percent and and so like i keep doing these explosion stunts in the living room but like i'm getting away with i'm not even getting [ __ ] hurt and i'm like all right well this is like i see this is the the closer for this on fire right now i see this is the closer like something's got to happen so i kept pushing the boundaries pushing until now i'm [ __ ] laying in a bed of rocket engine phil on the ground and my buddies light it with me laying in it and i ended up having skin grafts on fifteen percent of my body and i'm like wow now that's a [ __ ] closer that's a closure son i had the closer and and i'm like dude i'm on to something i'm getting jazzed i'm like [ __ ] i get the most epic closer that there's ever been for a [ __ ] comedy special and like it's all exclusive it's under lock and key and so then i'm thinking okay where am i going to shoot the special because i've got an idea for the opening sequence you know like like a lot of times the opening sequence you see the comedian go to the theater i'm like dude i'm gonna get the entire cast of jackass together for the first time that we've all been together since we lost ryan dunn and i'm gonna and i'm gonna have a [ __ ] billboard truck like it goes through vegas and we're gonna [ __ ] duct tape the whole cast of dragons will duct tape me to the billboard truck and then do awful things to me and then send me off and we're going to drive this [ __ ] truck down the highway and your and your brain says i'm not going to cheat it start it in la and then just go meet it in vegas and do it you're like we went all the way to vegas today the whole [ __ ] i remember when you showed that to me and i went you did the whole ride you didn't need to and you go yeah i did well yeah we went we went all the midway to vegas in one day and obviously we were never gonna make it through la traffic without getting shut down so what we did was we we built a [ __ ] like kind of like a coffin-esque looking box and mounted it over me so i was very much duct taped to the side of the truck but there was just a box screwed the thing we'd go to barstow and then take off the box and we'd [ __ ] let it ride down the highway dude but i taped the special in denver so like the next month we went to uh [ __ ] flew to colorado and picked up the back half so it could be through the mountains with all the snow and i'm like oh my god and into the the the symbolism like that it was so symbolic where like i i've really in earnest like [ __ ] devoted myself to this craft of comedy and i'm doing it my own way it's authentic you know i'm [ __ ] doing the whole thing and now i've got the jackass guys like symbolically taping me to the truck and sending me off into my like onto my goosebumps dude you know like knoxville's hitting baseballs at me it's like they're signing off on it you know and they send me off down the highway and i'm like dude what i've got is so amazing i've got to make it as good as i can so i did i brought comedians over to the house like hey man can i get notes on this kind of yeah and your reaction was like it was it meant the world to me you were like dude this is [ __ ] you you're like this is something special you have a story in that special that you had video for that i think of once a month once a month the international drug smugglers i got arrested for international drug smuggling while i was out on bail facing eight years in prison and it was because you swallowed the marijuana and it got sick it was too big it was too big it got stuck in my throat dude it's uh i stand by that i think that and and by the way it is such a good it's like a like like when i i mean i i love a good story but that story has it's got it's got laughs but it's got like it's got like you like going it may it's one of those stories where you go where if i take vitamins and they go down the wrong way i think of that story and i go oh remember the time stevo got a [ __ ] ounce of weed stuck in his throat yeah i did less than a quarter but it was just one real big bud but right i didn't even take the five so [ __ ] up on coke and everything at the time i swallowed that that i didn't even break the [ __ ] buds off the stems dude i was out of my mind how did that get out again don't i mean don't ruin the story if you haven't put it out save it save it yeah yeah yeah because it's a good like that that one i've had it's in the special that is the crown jewel of that special and dude by the time i got i believed in this so much i was like i was like dude i'm gonna fund shooting the special myself yeah you know and uh and and just that one night was like like a [ __ ] 175 grand or something like then i was like i'm all in i'm [ __ ] all with all of the bits like flying in the jackass guys running the billboards or the whole thing like all of the the you know the vignettes the the for the new footage by the time i got done producing this thing i i had invested 300 000 of my own money in it and i'm like okay dude [ __ ] i've got it this is the most amazing thing it's the first multimedia comedy special ever it's the first jackass reunion ever it's like this is [ __ ] and and so i take it out to uh to all the buyers and they all [ __ ] that'd be like any like a basic cable or whatever like there's a lot of just like there's a lot of places that's not going to work but any place that it would work it was either too full of nudity and exp and criminal behavior and like explicit [ __ ] to to live it was either too [ __ ] up to live anywhere but the places that it could live like weren't willing to get into the business of stevo's stand-up comedy they were like you know we don't we don't we'd like to do something we want we only want prestigious stand-up comedians and and they just overlooked prestigious have you seen our acts like or what we do is [ __ ] silly right and cr there's no prestige i mean dave chappelle is doing they didn't want a crossover guy they they they viewed me as the jackass guy crossing over into stand up your cops crossing over you're right you've been thinking you've been doing stand up for what uh dad been touring my ass off for well over a decade now yeah uh there's like i was talking to jeremy piven about this the other day i was dude he's respected man i introduced him the other night i was doing uh this outdoor show in hollywood and uh hey i was like yeah i get to bring him up and i was like you know he didn't i was i was like hey this next guy when he started doing stand-up comedy i was just really curious and i looked it up and like every review of his comedy came in favorably like the guys earned respect as a stand up and [ __ ] i'm happy to introduce some [ __ ] jeremy piven he's a great he's a great guy i mean i i did a podcast with him the other like i don't know when i did it or when this is coming out versus if you haven't seen it i don't know when it's coming out but you like you can't and it's a very natural instinct for comics to begrudge people getting into industry same thing happens with chefs when you get when all of a sudden it's to let like celebrities be cut like they djs they attack christy tegan i mean by the way someone just told me it's christy tygan how do you [ __ ] pronounce it oh my i don't know how do you like it oh i did i love her because she follows me on twitter we follow each other on twitter uh i think she just deleted her twitter fyi giving you a heads up what the [ __ ] is sticking me with this thing how do i get this thing out christy how do you get chrissy teigen chrissy teigen okay oh it's chrissy it's chrissy she is by the way she is absolutely gorgeous and can i tell you i kind of slept on that like i did i just like the first few times i was like yes pretty whatever whatever and then i saw a picture of her with like i think she was with whitney cummings yeah whitney's i was with whitney the other night i was like yeah whitney i mean whatever take it or leave it but uh right maybe female comedians so dude i'm i'm uh i'm three hundred thousand dollars into this thing the [ __ ] netflix doesn't want it [ __ ] hbo doesn't want it showtime doesn't want it well i i would i would push pause on all your sales and wait till the new jackass movie comes out well no but here's what i did here's what i did i was like i was heartbroken yeah the very first move i made was to double down and i love your brain the very first move i made was double down because i already knew what my follow up to this was going to be what my next tour is going to be and i said for my next tour there will be no memory lane it will be all new material and it will be all structured around completely brand new stunts which are so [ __ ] up that they could never even be a part of jackass to begin with and i'm gonna and i'm gonna and i'm not gonna edit it in after the fact i'm gonna bring the footage on tour with me so my new it's my bucket list tour and and the bucket list is just the bottom of the barrel stunts that were never supposed to happen for a lot of really good [ __ ] reasons you know because they shouldn't have [ __ ] happened but i went ahead and did them anyway and then i made the the i took off eight months of touring after i taped that that first special the multimedia special yeah and i just shot the new bits and i built the stand around it so now the the new act is i tell the bit of the the most absurd stunts you've ever [ __ ] heard of in your life people you've done things i didn't know were possible yeah and then after each bit then i screened them so now you just heard this hilarious stand-up story and then now i'm going to present well that's just super fun and bring it on tour with me and i and i was like you know what they don't want him the [ __ ] then the [ __ ] i'm already shooting the next one and and and then it was during the pandemic that i figured it out i said i'm gonna put this out on my own website you know like it's just you know like and and that was when i got duct taped to the billboard in hollywood i remember that i remember that was like trending and they're like stevo and i was like yeah [ __ ] i was [ __ ] and i couldn't believe i didn't get arrested for that yeah no [ __ ] what billboard were you on dude that chose the one with the you can see the hollywood sign right behind you can you pull it up can you pull it up yeah and uh but dude like i [ __ ] got my money back i [ __ ] did actually really well with that really with my my own [ __ ] straight to straight to [ __ ] you've always been able to do well with your consumer dude you're like the empty hammer of a [ __ ] was that stevo gnarly oh that's [ __ ] yeah dude and did everybody listen to this please go to stevo.com you have to click to confirm that you're 18 years or older to even watch the trailer because it's so [ __ ] up and and dude just check out the trailer [ __ ] think about think about if you want to watch this or not i guarantee you you will not be [ __ ] disappointed oh i guarantee it i can guarantee it yeah because yeah i've seen it i've seen it yeah i guarantee it you go to stevo.com and you [ __ ] watch my gnarly comedy special because [ __ ] everybody who [ __ ] missed the boat on that and now you know what's gonna happen because i doubled down when i have my bucket list comedy special which i will do the same exact [ __ ] thing with now i think i will have proven my [ __ ] point and i will actually have proven what this [ __ ] bucket list special is worth yeah so now and if i wanted to i could put it out when jackass comes out but dude the the bucket list tour has so much legs left that it would be like it would be a disservice to myself to shoot that special before i properly [ __ ] tour the world with it when's the jackass movie come out do you know scheduled for september this september this september when did you finish um i don't know if i should say this but uh then don't that's the way my brain's been working i go i have an idea maybe i shouldn't you know what i did i did i did i took twitter off i know i'm gonna promote it i'll tell you this i know when they when they because the elephant in the room is our age you know the guys we're [ __ ] like yeah yeah i'm like i'm like one of the few who hasn't turned 50 yet yeah i don't know dave england turned 50 a little while ago preston lacy turned 50 like cole's pontius sami just mean by month okay and we're both 46. god i'm june he's july and we're the same age okay so so the elephant in the room is you guys are either pushing 50 or over 50. like what the [ __ ] and what's it like filming a jackass movie when you're this old yeah and i figured out the answer it's it's just about exactly the same as it ever was all the chemistry is there except our bones break a lot easier and we just i don't stop and and stevo please don't do this and it takes way less to knock us completely unconscious plus it takes a lot longer for us to wake up so this movie [ __ ] kicks ass you know and i got the scars to prove it dear all kinds of new hardware in my collarbone what the [ __ ] yeah did you break your collarbone oh dude not for the first time but uh but boy did i break it this time yeah and so i got this [ __ ] and [ __ ] hardware in there i love my hardware dude so after a year you get it out and you get it mounted in the same exact [ __ ] position on like a replica model of the bones i'm working on a [ __ ] whole skeleton dude we are so different this episode of two bears when caves also brought 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balls will thank you yeah oh man there's it's it's it's it's really it's i i just really stand by what what we did man it's [ __ ] did you guys see did you guys see tom's dunk video uh with the short hoop no no where he blew out his knee and broke his arm oh [ __ ] yeah he could have been a great member yeah i saw all kinds of [ __ ] on instagram about that yeah he was uh what was up with the with with uh christina and all the tattoos and [ __ ] and like that right when she upgraded herself that was uh they did a live show they did they we we've done a couple two bears and your mom's house does live shows and she went into a to a makeup artist who went and did all the [ __ ] to her and gave her tits and lips and tats and personality [Laughter] eyes so dude and by the way can you put that i i this is so crazy the biggest transformation i've seen can you pull up your uh ymh uh do do the ymh um instagram [Music] it's unbelievable your own instagram go to your own instagram and then look at tom in this picture he looks absolutely dapper scroll down look at no where's the picture of tom and christina yeah i i think i saw tom and christina together where he's in the suit it was on your mom's house it's on yma studios no it's not i don't think it's on toms i swear to god i think it's on ymh oh yeah i know so you're right you're right i'm wrong look at him in this [ __ ] picture yeah i mean if this isn't a a bloated jason statham i mean the two of them together he looks so good and that's his good hand he's flicking off this [ __ ] is such a liar i go he goes he texts me and he's like he just pulls me videos i want to show you something and he's playing the piano and i go oh my god you're playing the piano he's like yeah i thought i'd learn and i was like oh really i was like yeah so i for what when did he break his body in uh november december december it's been what's almost five months now i realized today the doctor made him take piano lessons so he could learn how to use his fingers again oh wow he didn't want to learn how to play the piano like some highfalutin [ __ ] european did he learn like i thought you were going to tell me like he became like proficient no he's just learning how to go because he's got a he's got like his baby hand the one i reset for him dude i'm so jealous of the [ __ ] uh the viewership on youtube that this two bears in one cave gets i mean you guys are clocking like a [ __ ] million views like in 24 hours yeah but it's all white men no one wants them these days [Laughter] i mean dude when when i when i saw the email and i wish i would have kissed your ass sooner and by the way come back and co-host when tom's here i'm gonna be gone ah dude i i love it yeah when i when i got it when i saw the request to co-host two bears one cave i was like oh my [ __ ] god like this because i've seen the numbers that this podcast us this one's gonna go through the [ __ ] roof we're showing dicks with a pretty please up front within the first seven minutes we have re we have you know we've solved me too culture by with by saying all guys need to do is go would you like to see my dick she goes yeah i need you to say please can i please see your dick and then you go you're on her she said she bleeds right yeah it's like the vampire you have to they have to be invited it's like consent to the next level right right um this one's gonna be through the [ __ ] room yeah i was i was i'm so i mean i don't want to say like i'm jealous but yeah i'm just [ __ ] impressed by like you know especially if you put two bears one cave next to [ __ ] burke cast like it's it's i mean it's crazy you know like the the sum of the parts is is uh bercast isn't as good as two bears one cave i'll tell you that but i've been on a lot of broadcasts dude you guys don't even need guests can you imagine you don't even need guests like all of that like all the anxiety the stress of having to book that [ __ ] epic guest like you don't have to deal with it it's tough and you know that by your podcast as you get and you've can i gotten great brag about who we just did please mark cuban first question i asked him how the [ __ ] did we get you what are you doing yeah i look at him like he said he said pictures do you have he said he said he's huge man i'm like [ __ ] dude yeah it was you know i actually i've never i've never prepared more for a podcast than mark cuban and and like because my dad was so impressed that we got him and i knew my dad i was like this is not like that that what you were talking about i want to because i want to impress my father i want to like i was performing for an audience of one you're like my dad will watch this and go my son's legit right like he's like and i couldn't wait like like i couldn't wait so before the podcast went up yeah it's still not up so but now it will be but i couldn't wait so so we [ __ ] put it together we uploaded the [ __ ] thing no ads no nothing and said dad i couldn't wait you have to see this you know i've been oh and then the whole time mark humans like steve that one time that you put a funnel in your ass can we not talk about that our viewers don't like listen to that [ __ ] can you talk about my business accident i mean i invested 300 000 i cleared 1.3 million can we talk about those i wasn't even tripping but yeah then my dad saw it like called me up and he was like he's like yeah and he he acknowledged that it was [ __ ] awesome he was [ __ ] amazing it was [ __ ] awesome he also had like all this great feedback and notes and and like he just can't even it's my my dad he he can't even like stop i don't know what i'd ask mark cuban my first question would you go are you actually cuban not like a because if i'm getting a no here then i'm gonna have to call you on some social justice [ __ ] that's called cultural appropriation i like that i i like that i'm a bad i'm a bad interviewer and like i like this but like also i think it's better when i know someone and that's why i've only kind of done comics because i know you and i'm a fan of yours i have a million things i talked to you about i don't need to prepare anything we have a bunch of stuff up there from the last podcast that i did nothing prepared for this going oh i know exactly what i want to talk to stevo about i don't need to prepare it at all right i mean but for the most part i don't and and it works great your podcast is awesome man what thank you your podcast is legit awesome the one you did with pontius and i keep going back to chris pontius i really do think that guy he's a genius he just is uh he is he's an absolute genius and i'm going to tell him as soon as we [ __ ] finish this that he has been dubbed the rosa parks of homophobia facetime i doubt he has an iphone for something about me goes chris pontius still has a flip phone or he's not he does or he just talks on uh on uh on onstar like there's like something interesting about that guy do you think here's the question i always wonder do we could do a podcast every week here i think this has been effortless at an hour 21 my normal co-host is a [ __ ] bore i have to interrupt them yeah did in your cell phone when you put in famous people are you like scared to put their real name well that's so interesting i put in regular people as famous people so when my phone rings and it's my buddy bill it comes up tom cruise people like tom cruise is calling you right now and i'm like what do you put mystery mr p mr p by the way i never expected him to pick this up yeah not that he seems like a guy can i tell you what i think chris pontius is doing he is loading his surfboard into the back of a truck trying not to hit his guitar and there's a [ __ ] dime in a bikini who just lit a joint it's like chris we should get fish tacos and he's like sure thing [Laughter] like i have i have ideas of like what guys lives are like like yeah knoxville is uh knoxville is an interesting guy like i i and i and i i say this to the people that don't know about me have you had knoxville on no and your old buddies no i wouldn't say buddies but i i met johnny i met johnny knoxville um in 1997 at florida state he and another guy would love to know who the other guy he was with was can you call johnny knox what do you think he'd answer more likely more likely i what if he's in a suit natalie he's like oh i gotta i'm not brand friendly hold on and he messes up [Laughter] um i would can i brag about how we were well i shouldn't j how much editing goes into your podcast like like this podcast zero like if you ever want to take something out we can always take something out no no i'm not sure i'm just wondering like like just little nips and tucks like no no i think i think people will start to get endeared to that i got i struck out with knoxville you have him as piggy bank uh no we should probably wrap up i gotta think of [ __ ] yeah this is being an amazing podcast yeah we we could do it every week if i was here i'd [ __ ] do it i would love to have and dude how about you you were at my second podcast right after tony hawk you were in the van before the [ __ ] coronavirus thing it was before it was even it was before it even popped off like hung over and i was sweating and i just come from the airplane oh i was drunk i wasn't hungover i was drunk it was it was it was like and people are like dude this is my favorite one like it was it's just so conversational it's just so like we're keeping a trend going because this is going to be a lot of people's favorite one when tom isn't here like this is going to be probably their favorite co-host they've had because this is i mean we broke barriers we broke barriers we solved a lot of problems hey congrats on everything congratulations congrats on the podcast and i will brag about this um you've done hot ones oh yeah is that like the most viewed interview of you like i think so yeah more than letterman more than like yeah yeah i think mine is passed like 30 million yours and like there were some that were epic that uh but mine was like early hot ones when like when like it was just hip-hop guys i'm just throwing this out there tomorrow i'm filming my second hot ones are you really [ __ ] through they want me on again shut them i don't know about like i have to know if anybody's done it twice i think uh i think some people see if anyone's done hot wings twice yes no i don't think anyone's going to do that if i have that dude i'm i was killing myself [ __ ] kicking myself how i [ __ ] did hot ones before i had my own brand of hot sauce and now i have you done your hot sauce oh dude i remember you were like [ __ ] uh has any what's the word don't go is that any what's the worst type in has uh i can just call i can just call sean evans if you'll pick up by the way aggressive face time always [Laughter] sean evans has a new number apparently oh [ __ ] dude either that or we're about to facetime someone who's not the sean evans i think it is bert i think you and tom both did it twice i did it twice no way god i'm about to find out that i'm not there i only did it once yeah that's me you want to know what the worst wow we're really drawing [ __ ] blanks on facetimes these days what the [ __ ] shawn evans hey dude what's up hey i'm on a podcast two bears one cave i got stevo here yo hey yeah we're asking has anyone has anyone ever done hot ones twice um well during this quarantine tom did it twice you did it twice oh i did what i did you asked i didn't do it twice i forgot i forgot you're right i thought you were talking about the tv show i did the tv show also i did the tv show you're right i did do it on zoom i [ __ ] forgot about that i was thinking about the tv show when you said twice i went i think i just went from the coolest dude to [ __ ] not that big of a deal you look good and brick chrysler's stock just went through yeah we'll see you tomorrow ah dude i love it man all right brother everyone check out hot ones sean evans you're a god i love you brother dad [ __ ] epic all right peace yeah see uh yes i have done it twice now we need to talk about how on fire you really are no no when when he said i'd done it twice i knew that i did the tv show i did they have a tv show on true tv and i or on something like that and i did that and i thought when you said bert you did it twice i was like no no and then i forgot i mean dude how do you forget that you sat down and ate hot ones because ultimately i've done it four times because so we did so we did i'm more tom and i did one with him do you know how much of my the fiber of my being is crying out to say edit out this part but i can't do that no tom and i didn't have one truth or dab right and then we did and then i did hot ones and then i did uh hot ones for the tv show and then i did i did do a uh [ __ ] i'm just gonna take this on the chin dude leave it in because that's the kind of guy i am dude leave it in leave it in dude oh my god in all fairness and all fairness and sean evans will tell you this i was like the first person way back in the day to get in on hot ones and start retweeting it very early when he was just doing athletes and hip-hop stars like i was like this shit's awesome this shit's awesome he will say he will say this i'm the first i wasn't even a celebrity that i'm not one now but the celebrity to like start co-signing on the show and i started hitting him up like when are you gonna have comics all when are you gonna have comics on and then he texted me one day and he's like dude they're letting us have comics on i got to get you on i was like done and by the way i didn't deserve to be on the show at that time i really didn't and the first person i said was you got to get time to go on i said you gotta get joey diaz on you gotta get bill burr on i went through the list of all the guys i was like you gotta get these comics on and they started murdering it and caliber the caliber of guests on that show well it's i mean with comics i i definitely was like leaning towards sean like there are certain guys that like joey diaz bill burr i think has bill bird on it i think he has yeah i think he has and so so uh uh i remember kept going like you gotta get rogan on and then he um yeah birded it and so but then all of a sudden like by the time he started having these guys it was like when you did it was like next cause you're not i think i was season two when let's see see go to hot ones page uh i'm curious shot ones i would by the way why hasn't that been done [Laughter] that's drunk history shot ones is look who the [ __ ] he's got on now he had president trump on paris hilton oh these are all kevin james dustin poirier oh my god i mean this is insane this show's so much bigger than it's crazy dude it's so big it's my and his [ __ ] carlos contoros tacos and dude the king of hot ones was gordon ramsay oh i still make uh scrambled eggs that way he at the end of the day he said i want i would love you to show me how to make uh is this dude go do this go there oh my god 84 million go buy views on this one who's the highest look at this 84 million 42 million 28 million 28 million 28 million keep going hit that little arrow 28 million [ __ ] 24 million pm 23 million where's bird at i've got to be like [ __ ] what at least six million it doesn't look like you're in this section i'm not even in this section i don't know hall of fame oh that breaks my heart kevin hart not even remotely hall of famer by the way i don't deserve to be in all honesty i'm not as good as these guys yeah but dude [ __ ] let's talk about the cabin dude cabin was pretty legit how did that [ __ ] change the landscape of your life and your career uh it it did it changed it a lot i think a lot of people that watched it were people in different jobs in the business who were like hey man would you like to try this and i was like a bunch of [ __ ] i got that i've always wanted to try it was just like prime real estate in the media landscape and it framed you as the ringleader of the biggest comics well i got i got really lucky in that all my friends said yes and so i got all these great great comics to do it i mean there's some that there's some that like fell out like day of two days of which i would love to have had yeah i was i i was a little bit hurt i submitted a list you should have seen the list you wanna you know what we did we did can i i'm gonna send this to you uh hold on i'm gonna send this to you we shot this thing because i had a huge list of who i wanted on and then netflix obviously whittled it down to who like it was certain people that netflix wanted to have on where you were like yeah i love that person of course and they're like oh they got a project or whatever so i had a big list of who i wanted and they're like you're not gonna get any of these people i said can you just give me a shot and they're like and by the way you can play this on the show throw your headsets on so they go they said um i said there was a big list of people i wanted to get out and get on i obviously i actually i'm not even joking i did say i wanted to get all the jackass guys on and they were like yeah great a lot of people's agents just turned it down immediately because they were like i don't know who bird is i don't know what this show is this show has no script it has no parameters it it seems like super dangerous and so they said we're not going to get any of these people i said can you just give me an opportunity you could just hit me up directly well i can't do that i wasn't allowed to do that to anyone i had to send a video to agents managers everyone attached and so i made this video i made them specifically for my friends or people i wanted so go ahead and play this one and then play the next one no i absolutely love you guys i use a brilliant idea now we need an a-lister hey my name is burke chrysler i'm a stand-up comedian and i have a new series on netflix called the cabin and you're getting this message because quite honestly i am a huge fan of yours donny and or mark wahlberg now i know you already want to pass i understand that i'm going to tell you why you shouldn't pass a it shoots in malibu really easy right b we only need you for half a day so you're in and out of there see it's super light lifting now if you're still on the fence let me tell you a little bit about me well please welcome uh bert christopher athlete okay so we die we did uh we did 150 of those and we put every celebrity's names in and voice drop so play the next one the next one's identical except it says you shot it 150 times i shot it once and then and then we just airdropped everyone's name in so do it again so this is i absolutely love you guys i think it's a brilliant idea now we need an a-lister hey my name is burke christopher i'm a stand-up comedian and i have a new series on netflix called the cabin and you're getting this message because quite honestly i am a huge fan of yours snoop doggy dog now i know you already want to pass i understand they're gonna cut us out so we did so we put you're not allowed like 150 snoop doggy dog it's gotta be snoop dogg because there was uh ownership of that name tied up with shook knight oh for real yep um i just called my friend so so i i sent out a ton of those and what is really hilarious is obviously it's meant to be a joke we'd hope that someone would get it and be like all right this guy's got a sense of humor what let's and then my real plays after that or like a version of my real played after that to let them know who i was and then but people that called back were like like dustin hoffman like kid's a guy legit fan of mine you know let me i'll hear him out and we're like no that's not what we're looking for actually dustin hoffman is not the real person i'm using only i'm doing that to save the person that but like there were a couple of people that were like you guys sent me a personalized video i mean and we were like uh i don't think you're right for the show [Laughter] but i would have loved i i literally said i want the whole crew of jackass and i was like bring them up we'll do i go you know how crazy it would be and i'm certain they reached out and agents just passed agents passed a lot because they were like it was it had no we had no frame of reference for what the show was i well i don't even have an agent except for my touring guy um i guarantee you like every [ __ ] offer no matter how shitty it is i get an email that says is it okay to pass on this oh i don't and i get a kick out of it because like uh sometimes like i'll be like yeah yeah i'll just it's such a pass i'll be like wow that's such a past thank you that really like i've gotten projects the people come up to me when i say that now like uh that's like me confirming that i that i [ __ ] there's a lot of things that come your way that you go it's just not right for me i'm sorry that's true and i i don't get a lot of the projects come my way because i i not i don't mean this disrespectfully but like unless i know the dude like unless i know the dude where i'm like like greg garcia if he wanted to do a project with me i drop everything there's uh there are do you have any two megans and a glenn i would work with in a heartbeat there's like do you have tattoos no i'm none it's epic yeah i know can you believe it but like there's there's a lot of people that i'd want to work with and i think everyone in my team knows who i'm really excited about and and i really just want to do my stuff i want to do my stuff i want to write it produce it uh have someone direct it or whatever but like i just want to do me because and the cabin's a perfect example of that and i think a lot of people in our business are doing that right now they're like i just want to do my [ __ ] and i don't want to do other people's [ __ ] and the cabin was a like i was saying these people would do my [ __ ] and have everybody else do my [ __ ] i don't want to do anybody else's [ __ ] i don't want to do i don't want to play i don't think bird is like i want to play bert i want to be the bandwagon i want to ride my own coattails i just want to ride tommy's coattails for as long as i [ __ ] can [ __ ] well listen we should probably wrap this up i'm supposed to take my daughter's camping cool man and i'm gonna get [ __ ] lit tonight do you have an rv no no no we got a campsite up in uh i guess i can say this we'll already be done with it or we'll have been murdered up there in oxnard we're going up to oxnard and uh going camping for the weekend dude i love my rv dude oh yeah yeah that's why i asked yeah the rv that we did yeah great one yeah well dried dad it is my podcast studio my tattoo parlor which is why i asked if you have a tattoo oh no i'm giving epic tattoos now and you're giving them yeah it's uh it's my [ __ ] movie trailer it's my surfing [ __ ] adventure mobile i'm going to start streaming not only am i giving tattoos like it is [ __ ] shocking uh how how well i'm doing i i gave all of these with the reference of holy [ __ ] who'd you give that to my buddy tommy gave that to skateboard legend andy roy i love andy rodriguez for real yeah oh maybe you should show these to the camera sorry ah shout i'll pick it up from here now i'm showing you yeah again you gave that to takashi six nine in the midst of his snitching trial i gave a portrait of takashi six nine to a [ __ ] kid from pam's rehab wow that kid makes a lot of regrettable decisions look at the [ __ ] detail on jesus riding a dinosaur that's you're actually not that bad just show that one to the camera that's a legit one right there can i tell you i would really i could really get into tattoo removal that looks so methodically hypnotizing like just that like you're mowing the grass but from god like if god was mowing lawns that's what it would look like i can't wait for the new jackass movie thank you for doing this you are an epic epic co-host i'm talking you know what we should do hall of famer co-hosts hall of famer co-hosts put it down guys we want your top five and i know what your number one is it's gonna be uh based on views right isn't that what the hall of fame is yeah i just hope that you beat leanne that's all yeah yeah i just i don't like that leanne's got more views on her co-hosting than i do like on the majority of mine don't hold a candle to [ __ ] leanne's one times comes in and razzle dazzles with her hair snake oil redneck medicine i love my wife i love my wife i love my wife well i love you dude thank you i love you too brother thank you bert and tom tom and bert one goes topless while the other wears the shirt tom tells stories inverts the machine there's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean here's what we call two bears one cave no scripts a bit of booze amateur protology dirty jokes raunchy humor no apologies here's what we call to bears one cave

Channel: YMH Studios

Views: 2,159,679

Keywords: ymh, your mom's house, your moms house, tom segura, christina pazsitzky, christina p, mommies, jeans, up, high and tight, what's with the jeans, denim on denim, podcast

Id: 3QwA8JhLSww

Length: 108min 27sec (6507 seconds)

Published: Mon May 24 2021