Enneagram: The Difference Between 5w4 and 5w6

hey guys how's it going thank you for joining me for this video today we're gonna be talking about the wings for type 5 and I do have a new microphone so it's a desktop microphone so it may sound a little different if it doesn't doesn't turn out to work well I'll go back to what I was using before but hopefully this will be an improvement to the channel alright so we're gonna talk about type 5 type 5 is called the investigator and of course as you guys know you know the type 5 is the most cerebral of the types it is the type that turns inward feel safest you know when they're in in their own heads and detached away from emotions and detached away from their own feelings and detached away from from others 5 6 & 7 are the the fear types and 5 it's as if you know the 6 is kind of the most obvious of the fear types that's the one that says let's huddle together let's all make sure that we're following the protocols and the rules and we'll be safe if we just do what what we're expected to do and they tend to feel the anxiety more 7s like me we tend to try to shut out the anxiety we try to you know ignore the those painful feelings those sad feelings and boredom and tend to turn externally to the world outside to distract us fives feel that that sense of fear maybe early on in their life and in ways you know in a strategy to combat that feeling like people are being intrusive or that your needs aren't going to be met that love is going to be withdrawn from you or that maybe maybe the love that you experienced was too intrusive fives will in turn then seek to minimize their need they seek to minimize their need for resources and minimize their need for love and in a sense create around themselves a fortress or boundaries that exclude people that push people away and then of course if you have that while that castle around you then everything that's inside that castle you're going to seek to hold on to and so the sin of the five is is avarice or greed because when you when you limit what you need from others then what you do have you want to hold on to what you do have you want to keep and doing a lot of reading about fives today and trying to understand more about the five the five is the person who withdraws into thinking and detaches away from feeling as a way of taking refuge in their inner world now of course you know that can come with a lot of pros and cons you know the cons being that this person this this person of five who detaches away from feeling and attaches away from emotion maybe they maybe there are some things they should feel more emotions about like maybe we'd want them to feel their love for others more we'd want them to feel compassion more we'd want them to feel it's not that they don't have capability of all this it's just that they tend to shut that down they tend to shut that voice out the pros of course are you know when you have a surgeon that has to cut people open and and you know may lose a person on the table you know you want them to be you want them to be emotionally detached because imagine trying to do surgery on you know your own child or your brother you would because of your emotional attachment it would hinder your ability to to work through that crisis and so fives you know are good to have in a crisis because they aren't necessarily going to get caught up in all the emotional you know feelings and sensitivity that that most of us would get caught up in they're just gonna look at the conflict and look at the disagreement and in terms of factual statements and and they'll be better to be more objective they have a very objective ground to stand on when they evaluate those differences of opinion like a nine can see all sides a five can just see the data and sort of take the personalities out of it and not be swayed by all of the emotional drama that's what fires want to shut out they want to shut that stuff out of there and so they they have good solid boundaries of course you may you may find it frustrating if you are a connecting type and you seek to form a connection with a five and you just keep kind of walking into a brick wall it's not that fives don't have friends fives probably do have some very long-term decided friends people that will stick with them and have stuck with them you know over the long haul but five tend to not go out of their way to make connections they tend to not go out of their way to be friendly outgoing people they're they're sort of way of dealing with life is introversion you know is a turning inward a turning away from the external world and turning inward and that makes it a real challenge for fives too you know in terms of making friends and have you know the the the tree for the five is the cactus you know they're they're prickly that's one of the ways to describe a five is they tend to be prickly not mean-spirited not ugly not you know hateful but just kind of a little bit prickly they don't tend to be outgoing warm people who want to make connections with others they tend to be the type of people that you know are really making decisions about how much of themselves they're going to expend on others and so if they get the sense from somebody that this this other person is going to require a high expensive energy or a high expensive emotional energy then the five is probably going to you know build a boundary around that person and not consider the relationship worth it and you know they're probably not going to go out of their way to try to form any kind of connection and so let's get let's keep going here so fives you know want to find security in life by minimizing their needs you know if I don't need a lot if I don't require a lot then I don't have to be afraid that I'm not going to have it given to me if I'm afraid that you know like a six might think somebody's gonna come and take away my job they're gonna come and take away my health they're gonna come and take away my my house or my car so I better be prepared and I better be a better plan and I better be ready to solve problems and I better so they're like anticipating and planning what it is they're afraid of and then they go you know their strategy is to over plan prepare and to be you know ready for that that contingency fives say well what if I don't need anything if I don't really need anything then I don't really have to be afraid of not having it delivered I don't really have to be afraid of not not getting if I just don't want it if I can just live without it if I can just not need it and so that can spill over you know kind of into their relationships where maybe they also don't need you know those relationships and so they can be kind of you know walled off or sealed in away from people because they've kind of taken that posture to where they don't necessarily need anything they don't need your kind words they don't need your affection they don't need your your warm sentiments they don't need your conversation they don't need your and you see what happens is because they minimize their needs or they've they've you know decided you might say or whether it's cognitively or consciously or not they've decided to limit their needs then when you try to to enter into their space they don't really need anything from you and they don't really want you to need anything from them either so I think that's kind of what's going on in the in the world of the five it the five reflects the tendency within all of us to sort of see ourselves as separate and distinct people where Six's want to see themselves in community and see themselves being safe in that community and and you know being collaborative with others in cooperative with others I think the five really represents that part of us that that if we can minimize our needs and we withdraw away and hold on to whatever we have then we'll be able to survive if we could just minimize our needs withdraw into our castle our fortress and and you know see through the storm then then we'll make it out the other side and be survivors I often talk about eighths having you know a fort and they have people on the inside that matter and most people are on the outside that don't I think with fives it's a little bit similar to that only I don't think it's necessarily just about people it's about there are certain emotions that they keep on the outside there are needs that they keep on the outside and they just keep themselves insulated away from those things that demonstrate their neediness eighths don't want to feel weak or vulnerable and fives I think don't want to feel inadequate or inept or unable or that they are dependent on others I think fives want to feel independent of others in the similar way that eighths do eighths want to be strong fives want to be not needy they don't want to have to need something and so they minimize their needs that's their way of dealing with it is they minimize their needs and sort of retreat into that layer or into that castle and can can become you know they can become a challenge for them and for those around them they can end up isolating themselves and from others and feel inhibited in their relationships and become detached socially and in social situations they may excel at objective analysis and data gathering and be very analytical and unemotional and they can maintain a calm demeanor but it can be challenging for fives to connect with other people they can have too many overly rigid boundaries that separate them and isolate them from others they can be hard to reach they can feel like their energy is depleted by being around people especially people who are very dramatic or people who have a lot of a lot of needs because 5s don't want to need anything they hold on with scarcity what they possess and so they're evaluating who's going to require a great expenditure from me and then I need to move myself away from those relationships move myself away from those people withdraw from those people and isolate an introvert away from those people and so fives may be very sensitive as to who's going to be a drain on them and then move away from those people in those relationships all right so the 5 4 and the 5 wing 6 let's talk about let's talk about the difference here if you take that cerebral 5 who is who is very mental and very you know withdrawn away from society withdrawn away from others wants to be inward focused wants to keep everything data oriented and information objective who's minimized their needs and you blend that with a 5 with a 4 ok on the one hand you blend it with a 4 so fours are also very withdrawn and but fours are are feeling first and 5s are thinking first so you're blending that thinking data gathering with that sense of I need to find myself and be authentic and true to myself because fours have that sense of wanting to be authentic and true to themselves and to be unique to be different and to be special and so you know fives we often talk about them wanting to have a niche of knowledge of information where they you know can feel safe because they are the only person in the company that knows how this computer system works or this information system works so they're safe in their job because because of their knowledge or they're the only person that knows how to split atoms in the laboratory and so that keeps them safe because they've focused in on that niche I think five fours are gonna be even more drawn to unique information and information that demonstrates their uniqueness so they're not going to want to plow the fields necessarily that other people have already plowed they're gonna want to go searching for information that will make them what you might say an innovator an innovator somebody who's doing something that's not been done before somebody that's that's gonna be very appealing to a5 wing for the five wing four is called the iconoclast and the iconoclast is the person that smashes icons the person that comes in to your belief system to your ideas and then undermines them to show you that what you think you know you don't really know what you believe you don't necessarily really have a solid ground that you're standing on it may just be your opinions or it may be that you're standing on societal norms or on your upbringing but an iconoclast is the person that comes in and shows you that the the believed and expected and understood way of doing things may not necessarily be the best so you know if you're gonna be an innovator that's a great skill to have because you you've got to be able to challenge the norms you've got to be able to challenge the way things are you know first you break all the rules first before you innovate you have to be willing to you have to be willing to be suspicious of the norms and so the iconoclast is really that person that is drawn to information but they want to be that they're drawn to information that perhaps nobody else knows or nobody else's has gotten to before so these are going to be interval innovators entrepreneurial to some degree although they might not have the business savvy that the 5:6 has they very well could but this five-four is more interested in the way things are to begin the process of implementing something different or something new the five wing four is not understood as to be as factually oriented or scientifically oriented or experimentally knowledge you like you think like philosophy and science and engineering mathematics think of those like hard sciences five wing fours are not as drawn to those hard data sciences and if that's not true of you then I'm sure there are exceptions to this as the five wing six the five wing four is more drawn to the dark to the morbid to to those things which what might be considered you know off-limits taboos those kinds of things so think like right and there also can be very artistic because of that four wing they can be very artistic and very creative so think for example here's a good example of a five wing for Stephen King the author Stephen King is understood to be a five wing floor so is Tim Burton you know the guy that does the Nightmare Before Christmas and puts a lot of detail that five detail with that for creativity that for artistic side but it's dark all of his stuff is pretty dark and morbid all of Stephen King's stuff is pretty dark and morbid so you've got that you've got that detail organized mind that introverted mind that that five data information person but you've also got that let's be unique let's be creative let's not be afraid of going where the information leads us let's not be afraid of those deeper maybe off-limits areas or darker areas forbidden subject matter or the grotesque you might say and let's see anything also ones they may be more independent than the five wing six because the six is going to draw the five toward others toward people because sixes are you know they are oriented toward others and toward taking care of others and being taking care of others where the five and the four are both in the withdrawn state so this person is going to be more comfortable with being isolated and more withdrawn less compliant then maybe the five wing six and less oriented toward like hard sciences more oriented toward I can see where this person don't take this the wrong way because I am a Christian of course I'm a pastor but I can see where this person the five wing four would be like the perfect demonologist which is kind of a funny job when you think about it because where do you go to school to become a demonologist although we need those people we need that person who understands you know that that spiritual world in a sense that maybe the rest of us don't want to think about or don't think about but could be logical and not just be emotional about it or not just be you know too interested in it in the wrong reasons but you know that would be like the perfect again I'm sorry if that's offensive you know I don't mean it to be at all I just mean I could see where that person would be drawn to understanding the dark things of this world hopefully with the goal of of you know protecting themselves and protecting others you know in cleansing homes and cleansing people or spiritually cleansing people I could just see like that being like the perfect perfect personality type to do such a work because you don't want it to just be you know a person that's interested in dark things but somebody who really wants answers somebody who's really going to seek out you know information in that world not just look internally exclusively you know or look to experience exclusively that five miss in them is going to cause them to want to deal with real some real information okay so the Econo class and again I mentioned Stephen King I mentioned Tim Burton there may be a few others that we can mention but we'll just leave it at that because I think those two guys really illustrate five point four okay so what about the five week six well take that same inward focused person who wants to that experiences lack that wants to isolate themselves away from needs doesn't want to be needy doesn't want to be dependent wants to be adept wants to be feel like they're able to meet the challenge is drawn toward information move them toward that six you know that six wanting to be prepared wanting to be safe wanting to collaborate with others and you have what is the what is called five wing six the problem solver okay the problem solver this person is looking at information to solve problems so they tend to be more mathematically inclined more hard science inclined geometry algebra drawn toward the sciences biology anatomy medicine those kinds of things this person is mixing observation of the five with the organization and the problem solving planning preparation of that six and willing maybe to collaborate with others a little bit more willing to work with others on teams and share a little bit more of themselves in order to get to those solutions then maybe the five wing for is they seek a niche of information that they believe will provide them security or provide other security so I can see this being a researcher you know especially somebody who's going into research you know to to prepare for any kind of unforeseen calamity that six wing in them is going to help them you know want to stave off anything that should be so this is the person you know that could be problem solving could be you know gathering data and information about any subject but I could really see this person as a researcher you know to help create remedies or our pharmaceuticals or information systems that will protect us from the harmful things because really the six winged five think about that just move over a little bit farther away from the five wing six the problem-solver to the six wing five and the six wing five is called the defender or the Guardian who's going to protect us from everything that you know maybe we haven't thought about so that five wing six is gonna have a lot of that same flavor of I want to gain information I want to gain knowledge so I can provide for my family yes provide for an income and to be safe in case of economic problems I'm going to get a job with this this useful information I want a job where I think this five six is gonna be a lot more driven toward useful information practical information pragmatic information information that's going to get me a good job and be much more lucrative than the five linked for again the five wing four could get lost I think in Dungeons and Dragons they could get lost in video games they could get lost in fantasy that the five wing four could get lost in their head they could more have a tendency to get lost in you know their imagination where that six is gonna ground the five a lot more into let's be safe let's be safe in this real world look out of the bunker and you see that there are real people out there there are real needs out there and I want to protect myself and my family by preparing and getting this information so that I can be prepared and so that I can prepare others um five wing sixes want to dissect the world and understand how it works they might be a little bit more argumentative a little bit more debate oriented than maybe the five wing for a little bit more defensive in their in their views maybe a little bit more aggressive and antagonistic toward people that disagree with them a little more suspicious like a six a little more loyal a little more suspicious despite all of the knowledge that they gain because they've got that six wing they still have that little bit of doubt that little twinge of doubt that maybe they still don't know enough worries that that that they they may they may not have it completely solved where I think the five wing four is going to feel a little bit more like they've got the world wrapped up again that's the iconoclast not only do they have their world view but they wanted to they want to go on the attack I shouldn't say destroy but they want to go on the attack on other people's belief systems I think the five wing six is always gonna have just a little bit more openness that maybe I don't have all of this information or maybe I haven't analyzed it exactly the way I should have and so there's this little bit of openness more in the five wing six than in the five wing four toward new information and perhaps I've overlooked something maybe I need to collaborate maybe I need to go over the data once again or take in some new data where I think the five wing four is a lot more to feel like they've got it wrapped up and not only do they are they sure what they believe but they want to make you unsure of what you believe um problem solving argumentative stubborn they want to provide security they want to be practical they may be very interested in repair work and tinkering and building things and putting things together and what are some of the what are some of the names of people that are five wing six well maybe you've heard of Stephen Hawking okay the I think what was the astrophysicist okay Bill Gates okay um Jane Goodall worked with the gorillas the Apes Isaac Asimov Charles Darwin so I think these people are a little drawn more to analysis when it comes in the terms of data raw data factual hard sciences things that can be proven under a microscope things that can be proven quote/unquote proven in a laboratory proven on paper where I think the five wing four is more drawn to you know information that might be a little bit more intuitive just a little bit more intuitive now one thing I've said in all these videos is that I think that if you can balance yourself you're gonna have more want wing dominant than the other typically for most people they will find that they tend to lean on one wing more than the other so if you're a five you could probably describe yourself accurately as a five wing four or conversely a five wing six I think that if you once you recognize your dominant wing if you will take some steps to try to incorporate and depend on and lean on your other less dominant wing that it will move you immediately toward a healthier place just quite naturally and what I mean by that is let's say you are a five wing for you could easily get kind of isolated and lost in all of your fantasies and your you know your ideas your your dark side or the dark side of things and you can isolate yourself away from others and you might become you know a little bit crusty on the outside a little prickly like I said before like a cactus and just a little bit odd a little bit a little strange and if you're a five week four you've probably heard before that you seem weird or odd or strange well what's going to help you you know when you lean on the six again think about the six the six wants to fit in the six works very hard to know what others expect and then try to meet those expectations to try to collaborate with others cooperate with others and you know be in a mutually beneficial relationship with others and so if you could learn to lean a little bit over on that six and say you know what what are others saying and what are others doing and I don't want to just get sort of lost in my own little world but I do need to stick my head up and and work with other people and get along with other people and and get the information that other people have because again a five kind of feels like they can dive in and they can digest all this information on own a six always wants to know what do the experts think you know when a six is unsure they will research yes but they also really want to know what the experts say and may put a lot maybe too much value on what experts say and so as a five wing for this is your opportunity to sort of get out of yourself get out of your own head get out of your own ideas because a five is very much internal and a four is very much internal and so if you lean on the six what you're doing is you're saying okay maybe I've thought about this enough on my own maybe I need to go touch base with some external authorities and make sure that I'm balancing my views and balancing my opinions and balancing my beliefs on you know what is the concerted wisdom of others and make sure I'm balanced on that and also how do I relate to others and maybe I need to do some things too to keep these relationships with others intact and you know I can't just can't just back out of society I have to you know be a part of these people and be with these people and be a little more connected to people I think that could really help a 5-week for be a little more balanced okay so let's do it the opposite way what if you're a five wing six what's the value in four for you well if you're a five week six and you're very drawn to accurate detailed information and you know collaborating with others and solving problems and finding solutions and getting the best most accurate information that's out there okay there's the key all the information that's out there you're scanning all of the raw data and all of the figures but there is other information that's within you that the four could help you pick up on you know there's intuition and there is gut knowledge that is real information and real knowledge and a five week six might minimize the value of that gut intuition and that gut knowledge and I think you know the five could get lost gathering data and information but they really ought to lean over on that four in and first of all you know is this information that I care about not just you know is this helpful to people and is this good information but am i studying an area that is important to me that four-winged is going to help you address that you know are you just researching different sweeteners to help sell fizzy soda is this really what you want to give your life to researching the data for sweeteners for fizzy soda if you tap into that four-winged a little bit more what you might find is that's not really at all what you want to give your life to but how would you know unless you go internally and evaluate that and that internal move is that for move not all information exists outside of you there is information within you your gut information your intuition that is real information that you might want to tap into at times and not just keep everything well all this stuff works out on paper yeah it might work out on paper but it may not take people's feelings into consideration it might work out out on paper and it might work out according to all the charts and maps but in the you know the real world of people's feelings and dealing with people's hearts and dealing with people's lives you know these cutbacks that we're about to make you know are not sensitive to people's people's feelings into people's hearts into people's lives and so that four-winged could help bring you out of that cerebral world a little bit you know into well how do I feel about this you know what do I in my gut how do we how do I and myself feel about this decisions or these decisions that I'm weighing or this information that I'm weighing okay I hope this is helpful to you again I don't claim to have all this you know figured out I'm still learning and growing as I go as all of us are but together I think we're moving forward you know everyday learning a little bit more being more compassionate with ourselves more compassionate with others if I can help you in any way my contact information is in the description if I can meet with you and help you work through any of the problems that you know from an NEA grant perspective that can help you in your relationships that's great and remember as always be present to life don't miss you know what's going on inside of you because you're so focused on what's outside of you and don't miss up what's outside of you because you've withdrawn so much on the inside open your life up it's okay to open your life up and let people in it's okay to have needs it's okay to express those needs they may not always be met and that's okay you know and they're never all gonna be met in this life but it's okay for you to have needs own them and then share those needs with others and I think what you'll find is as you share your needs with others you'll be more able to share what you have your resources with other people's needs all right I'll see you guys next time blessings

Channel: Dr. Tom LaHue

Views: 51,230

Rating: 4.9353724 out of 5

Keywords: enneagram, type 5, type five, Enneagram 5, Enneagram five, family, love, marriage, relationships, personalities, home, parenting

Id: TFnczaDwy7w

Length: 34min 22sec (2062 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 03 2020