Enneagram: The Best Of Each Type

hey guys welcome to my channel my name is dr tom lehu and uh this is a channel where we discuss all kinds of things about personality and the enneagram and the goal is to help us all be more present to life to be here to not miss each moment and uh as we get started i want to call your attention to the description below there is a link to my website tomlehue.com where you can book coaching appointments enneagram coaching appointments uh relationship appointments and also there is uh on my website a um a link to certificate programs one in enneagram coaching and the other in enneagram relationship coaching those are short six week programs uh that we do on zoom and if you're interested in becoming an enneagram coach or just helping people and you know how helpful the enneagram has been for you i'd like to take you behind the scenes and and and help you become a coach yourself thank you to my patrons i really appreciate your support for uh continuing to support this channel today i want to talk to you no notes i don't have any notes in front of me i do have a couple of books that i've been you know flipping through and reading through this week but i just wanted to talk to you about the best of each type or you know the the good in each type somebody challenged me the other day in a post on youtube they they they challenged me by saying look you know a lot of your videos can get pretty can get pretty stingy can get pretty sharp and uh they were very kind in the way they said it you know they said you tell us in your videos that the enneagram hurts and that it's painful but if you could just maybe focus on the positives of each type we need to hear that and you know i've been thinking about that um i don't know that i'll do a whole series you know type one type two i don't know that i'll go through the whole series and talk about the positives of each type or the good side of each type but i might i don't know i was just thinking about it this week and i thought rather than just me think about this today i thought why don't i just talk to you guys about it and make a video about it and we can talk about it together um and i thought well let's just do it briefly you know let's just kind of cover it briefly and see what happens maybe we need to do a whole series on it maybe we don't but when i think about the the good side of each type some of them are really obvious i mean you don't have to think very hard when i think about let's just start with type one um it's easy to see the good side of type one for me anyway being a seven i would like to be a lot more one-like um ones you know they bring order and structure and goodness and all of those things into the environment with them they want to make things better they're good neighbors they're good citizens they're reliable dependable people um they're the kind of people that you can hand the i'm talking about healthy of each type okay so i know that there's there's going to be negative examples out there for all these but when i think about the positive you know like at their best when i think about type ones you know these are the people that you hand the keys over to and and you trust them that they're going to show up on time they're going to organize and and make things better than when they found them they're going to keep things moving along and make sure that all the details are taken care of they're going to stay late and they're going to lock it up these are responsible people that that want to show up in a way that contributes and makes the world a better place and it's easy to see you know the best or it is for me of type one when i think about type ones um of course i think of hermione from harry potter i think of mary poppins um i think of felix unger on um the odd couple um and in that show my wife and i went back and we started watching the old odd couple show believe it or not at the time of this filming it's a 50 year old show that's hard to believe came out in 1971 and you know oscar is an eight and felix is a one and so it's just a drama you know of seeing a sloppy eight who does whatever comes to his mind you know living with a one and and as we watch that show i think we watch the first season of it you know as we watch that show again i'm just you know reminded of of how good ones are but really felix is the star of that show i mean he makes that show funny and interesting to see how frustrated he gets when he's being taken for granted or he's not appreciated because and he goes to four a lot you know in that show just woe is me nobody appreciates me nobody cares about me if you haven't checked that show out if you're a one or you live with a one check out the odd couple um but ones you know i mean i i see them in television i i have them in my life and they are the kind of people you trust your kids with they're going to take your kids out fishing and you know that they're going to teach and mentor and be good role models and good examples and they just want to be fine upstanding citizens again i know there's negatives but the goal of this video is not to focus on the negatives is to focus on the positives my brother is a one wing nine and he you know because of his knightness he can be a little bit sometimes delayed in getting things done but he uh he is mr responsible when i was a kid i used to get in trouble on the school bus because uh i like to talk and apparently in the you know we weren't supposed to be loud on the school bus and for whatever reason i would sit right behind the bus driver every day on the way home and with my best friend and we would giggle and laugh and snort and holler and and the bus driver would turn around and say boys you all need to knock it off you're being too loud you're distracting me while i'm driving and i'd turn around and there'd be my brother about four rows back you know who caught it all the security guard and then we'd go home and he would tell and he would tell mom and dad and i would get in trouble so uh i don't know that that puts one's in a very good light but um you know the the security guard the police officer the manager um the soldier okay um so i have nothing but good to say today about ones i have nothing good to say nothing but good to say about all the types so type twos twos when they're healthy you know they are uh dynamos of action and service and uh they make you feel like you belong they make you feel warm and they engage with you um they make the conversation about you and um you feel great when you're in the presence of a healthy too that has decided that you are worth their attention that they want to connect with you twos can be very strong under pressure you know when the chips are down and somebody is in need or somebody is not being treated fairly you will often see a two rise to the occasion to protect to help to serve twos can be very loving and gracious and warm and i have twos in my life my wife is a two wing one and um so i've seen you know the best of twoness what else comes to my mind when i think of tooth um you know these are the people that make great greeters um that just make you feel like you know you're welcome and you belong and they're glad that you're here um twos uh people say hagrid is a two on harry potter i don't see why he's not i mean i don't know what else he would be um a lot to think about what other twos i know out there in television land uh my wife and i have been watching ncis new orleans and i think the doctor um i forget her name now but the uh coroner on the show a woman is a two wing one and uh she always has little bits of advice you know to give to the one um scott bakula's character dwayne pride is a one she always has a little bits of advice when he's down when he's you know defeated when he feels hopeless he goes to the two and she uh picks him up brushes him off and gets him back in the game helps him to believe in himself and isn't afraid to say things to him like you know um positive things to him like you've been through this before and uh the the dwayne pride i know isn't the kind that's going to give up and when i was uh first starting out in church work um i worked with young people and our secretary at that church was a two and you know when you would come in the door it was all smiles and warmth and you know some of the things she would say it's just like wow do people really you know just so positive you're the best youth worker we've ever had in this church and these kids love you and uh you've got so many great ideas and you're that feels amazing you know when somebody believes in you like that when somebody sees the best in you and calls it out and says it out loud you might say you want that person in your life you want to be connected to people like that it feels great to have people in your corner people that believe in you people that are willing to say positive things out loud to you um because a lot of people don't i mean a lot of people just keep it to themselves and don't want the connection or don't value the connection it's great to have some twos out there in this world that look at me while i'm talking i'm playing with stuff seven um okay threes um man so many great characteristics i've got a bookshelf up there of john maxwell books who's got to be a three three's uh driven willing to do whatever it takes willing to put in the time the effort can be very charming i used to work with the three wing too and what a friendly guy you could not like him i mean he was just he was just kind generous friendly warm now i saw him when he had his down times you know behind the scenes i could see him get tired and frustrated and maybe not know what to do next but but on the surface i mean generally speaking just outgoing warm friendly praising other people um encouraging other people challenging other people um threes are willing to you know do what it takes to move the ball forward willing to get up early stay late um do the push-ups do the sit-ups even when no one's watching it's different than ones you know who are being responsible doing the right thing uh it's i know some important people and i'm doing important things and that's good i mean there's nothing wrong with that we should all be more like that we should all set goals and not be satisfied with the way things are it's easy for us to get satisfied with the way things are and become complacent and become apathetic and it would be good for all of us whether we're a three or not it'd be good for all of us to think about life and say you know where am i and where do i want to be in the next five years and why do i keep telling myself that i can't do that or reach that goal or maybe i don't even have any goals it would be wise for us to to emulate threes in that capacity by what are my goals here what is it i'm going to try to accomplish how can i stretch myself how can i push myself to do more to be more to accomplish more and to have more influence in the world that's all three stuff and i think some of us myself included i think some of us can sort of be complacent and content and that's good to be content but maybe we shouldn't be so content all the time with everything in our life with every situation that we're in in life it might be wise for us to say why why have i settled for this or why am i settling at this level isn't there more that could be done isn't there more that could be accomplished why am i okay with less how am i adding value to myself you know what am i doing right now that is improving myself or adding value how am i pushing myself fives are threes you know i mean they i always joke like that they they get a bicycle and they ride a bike and then all of a sudden they have a training program you know and so now they're they're not riding a bike anymore they're training for the next bike whatever that's called bike-a-thon shows you how smart i am uh but they're training for the next bike contest and i'm i i can appreciate that i wish i had a little bit more of that myself you know um pushing myself to to do better to try harder to give more effort to challenge myself there are areas in my life where i need to improve over the last year i think i've probably gained about 20 pounds and you know i should set some goals shouldn't i i should say hey uh why am i content with where i'm at in life i should set some goals to to uh to push myself to walk a certain amount of day or to jog or to bike or something and i think it's so within three's nature to do that um with everything and um the rest of us could benefit from from a little bit of that i think threes well people say tom cruise is a three i could see that um who else is a three um i'll have to think about that a little more um anyway okay fours fours when fours are healthy man uh here's a person that you can open up to that you can share your life your story your hardships your difficulties with here's a person that isn't going to be shocked and offended by oh i can't i can't handle what you're saying to me you need to or you need to stop just you need to change here's a person that can accept you in your most vulnerable honest um broken state here's a person that wants to go after the the broken the hurting and and offer care and help and support to them um my son and i harrison who's a five wing four he's 15 now and he's never seen rambo and of course you know back in the 80s rambo was huge i mean there were rambo movies rambo cartoons rambo action figures and uh so i said you know we should watch the rambo series so we did we watched one two three four five five movies five rambo movies and um we watched them all in a week rambo i think is a four wing five a social four wing five and it's interesting when you think about like an action hero because i always think of eights you know maybe some ones but mostly eights there might be a few threes in there but i always think of eights as action heroes and it's so interesting to watch rambo as a four wing five as an action hero he does a great job and i think it makes a great character makes an interesting character i'm not suggesting that rambo is a healthy for you know but um if you are a four wing five and you wonder what you would look like as an action hero you might watch first blood and you know watch that series um but fours are the kind of people that um you know i've i've met with a lot of fours in my coaching and sometimes they can especially four wing fives i when i meet with them they might feel a little bit like what do i offer to the world you know because they could be a little detached they could be a little bit you know um withdrawn four wing five both are withdrawn and when when they realize that you guys bring something very special into this world this ability to see beauty in the brokenness this ability to look past the surface of people to see the heart and to see a little deeper into that person and then accept that person and allow them the space to be able to work through their difficulties and hardships in many ways fours are often like counselors in on the enneagram accepting people as they are and allowing them to be themselves and without all the judgments allowing people to be themselves and to be okay with brokenness in people it's a beautiful thing when you need that you know when you need that that someone to talk to that you can be honest with when you're struggling with something in life and you know things aren't going well to have somebody that you could open up and share what's going on and know that person is not going to be wagging a finger at you that you need to stop you need to change you're a bad person that can be a very helpful helpful thing and of course just their ability to see how things could be better which can be very difficult for them but they do when they're healthy go around making the world a better place and a more beautiful place i might add okay fives um fives what do fives offer to the world well when i think about action heroes again um the terminator i think is a five i don't know that arnold schwarzenegger's a five but i think the terminator character is a good action hero that's a five i need to do a series of action heroes around the enneagram it might be hard for a couple of them um but the terminator i think is a good good a good uh analogy or a good example of what a five action hero might look like um so fives fives have this unique ability you know to bottom line things to sort of say well i hear this side and i hear this side let's draw a line here's really the the issue at hand here's really the problem and to filter out a lot of the excess a lot of the you know external stuff people's feelings people's attitudes the way in which people are saying things there's snipe their their snarkiness they can filter out that stuff and sort of get to the objective truth like okay well uh it sounds like the real issue here is that you know bob left the door open so if we could figure out a way where you know the door could automatically close on its own then this problem would go away and you're like yeah that's really actually it that's the problem is the door was left open all of the other stuff bob's attitude and sam's attitude and the snarky comments and the i got left out all that stuff really is irrelevant fives have a way of getting to the bottom line and remaining objective in the midst of strong feelings other people are presenting all of this strong emotion and the five just i wouldn't say neutral like nines tend to be the kings of neutral but fives it's like they can filter out all of that external information and maybe it's because they're good at you know information that really getting to the actual information that matters to getting to the data the actual data and filtering out all of the peripheral data fives um very objective fives can be quite funny i mean gary larson the the far side comics you know uh if you ever familiar with the far side comics look them up um very popular back in the 80s again when i was a teenager but very dry ironic sarcastic sense of humor um but yeah fives i think of dumbledore is probably a five uh if you like the harry potter series um fives um just have this um ability to to remain themselves and not necessarily be influenced by everybody else everybody else is doing this the five doesn't necessarily need believe that they need to be like that they don't mind being themselves uh they don't ma and fours for that matter you know want to be themselves but fives don't mind looking different to the rest of us um the kind of the joke is you know fours want to be different and fives actually are um fours are trying to figure out what makes them different fives i mean often are quite different um and i i instead of saying different because that sounds kind of negative let's say they're okay being themselves they're they're comfortable in their own shoes even though they sometimes don't look very comfortable uh they're comfortable in their own shoes being themselves and don't necessarily feel like they've got to go along with the party lines it's very five-ish you know to be independent to vote independently to um realize you know that well this group is this and this group is that but you know the actual data and facts and they kind of end up in that neutral place um or what would look neutral or independent like i don't want to be tied to those groups i don't need you know to be a part of those groups i want to be my own person i appreciate that about fives getting through all of that peripheral information to the actual data and facts and being okay standing on your own ground and not feeling like you need to be swayed or pulled by the by consensus or by the um the majority all right sixes wow i before we watched the um the uh rambo series we watched the the lord of the rings series and you know that movie is about frodo and he has this task that he's challenged to accomplish um but as i watched that i couldn't help but think this movie in some ways is actually about sam um i mean i know the main character the protagonist is frodo who's a nine but when i watch that movie i was impressed with the character sam or sam wise whatever it's called but there's a there's a good picture of sixness at its best you know sixes i know that i probably talk a lot about the anxiety and the worry and the doubt that sixes have you know but when sixes are at their best when sixes are are um you know in their best scenes they are courageous they bring exactly what they're looking for in this world courage and support and you know it's very six like to worry and doubt and question but then when you're actually under the gun especially when your partner you know is being criticized or being falsely accused that six will just come out from behind the scenes and stand between the other person and certain death um it's amazing and i see it you know um especially in movies and television shows um that six again back to that ncis show new orleans we were watching the one of the characters chris on that show was a six probably six wing five you know and once he aligns himself with the main character and believes in that charac believes in that that boss it's like nothing is going to stop faithfulness dedication and devotion to that boss like i will face the gates of hell i will not allow my partner to um you know to be alone in a crisis um sixes can get nervous when they can't see their opponent when they can't see their enemy you know it's like they know that one's out there and i need to be on guard but when they actually face the the crisis sixes like muster up this incredible courage strength um confidence it looks like confidence they may not feel very confident but it looks like confidence and courage and boldness support um they can look sometimes like twos in the way they love and interact with other people wanting to be connected wanting to be supportive um you know it's not i know of a young lady that's a friend of mine you know that is a six and uh became a united states marine um i in many ways that's very sixish you know to join that team of other people that will have your back and that you can support and have their back and you know maybe maybe it was on a dare but uh um that is just sick stuff to come alongside of people to be dependable reliable some of the most responsible people i know are sixes one of my daughters is a six and just super responsible um i should say responsible with other people's stuff she loses her own phone all the time you know she loses her own stuff and uh you know can't remember where she put this can't remember where she put that but if you tell her you're in charge of the baby or you're in charge of the puppy or you're in charge of you know whatever it is then she's going to be a trooper and nothing is going to distract her or dissuade her um incredible sevens um oh yeah sixes superheroes i need to i need to do a video i i don't know maybe i'm doing one right now um some people say batman is a six wing five i can see that because he uses the very thing he's afraid of you know to instill fear in others um anyway alright so sevens sevens at their best i think of dick van dyke uh look at dick van dyke and mary poppins um dick van dyke is bert and mary poppins if you haven't seen the old mary poppins movie um then maybe you don't know what i'm talking about but that lightness that easy going that ability to humiliate themselves for others benefit to bring a sense of joy and happiness into the world to give the assurance that everything is going to be okay look how could how could it not i mean the penguins are literally blowing trumpets and dancing you know um mary poppins and uh everything's gonna be fine so this sort of like comic relief this ability to see the positive side this to let the steam out you know probably all of us need a forefront that we could go to when we're in a crisis um you know or dealing with some personal stuff a five friend that we could go to when we're in conflict with people to help us sort through and negotiate that or a nine friend um and we probably need a two friend that we could call when we're in a pinch and we need help and we need support or a six friend um but we probably all need a seven friend that can just lighten our load a little bit you know just bring us some relief just somebody that can help us to get a different perspective to see things in a different way we've gotten too weighed down too bogged down too heavy and the seven friend can just kind of talk us out of that and get us back onto a happier place or back into a lighter place in life and sevens when they're really good you know um are patch adams uh robin williams um many of his characters you know i mean he is a seven i think and jim carrey they just sort of lighten the load lighten the mood and bring a sense of togetherness and with the six wing togetherness uh sevens can kind of go their own way sometimes but that sense that like everything's gonna be all right that we're going to be okay that we don't need to hit the panic button um you know maybe we just need some music maybe we just need uh you know um to go out and have a good night and rethink about things from a different perspective so it's good to have somebody in your life you know they can help you do that and can make you feel better because you know it's amazing when you feel better when your mood lightens you're better able to solve your problems your problems don't seem so much like a crisis when you're in a better mood and sevens can help you get in a better mood um yeah a lot of sevens on in movies and television uh we watched the stupid old movie the master of disguise um dana dana carvey seven stuff and of course nacho libre seven stuff uh seven wing eight kind of trying to look like an eight but it's a seven um school of rock yeah um anyway sevens uh eights okay eights wow when eights you know were doing well what did what a dynamic person um we've got a lot of i know a lot of healthy eights in my life and uh they are just solid stable people again that like fives won't necessarily go along with the crowd or just do what everybody else is doing they stand their own ground thank you very much and they can be just warm friendly loving even like show up like a two almost you know moving toward you but not to get you but toward you to like connect with you to support you to help you aids at their best they empower you they they help you to realize you know i can do this threes are like that two threes you know with helping you realize you could accomplish more eights it's like they help you realize that you have the personal power to make a difference in this world and so if you're feeling kind of you know like you got taken advantage of or you got humiliated or somebody got the best of you uh or you don't have enough personal power to influence others or to change your work schedule or whatever it is the eight's gonna be confused by that like you have every right to go in there and tell them what you want you can just go in there and tell them right now you're not taking that anymore and i think you know that is something that is needed from time to time for people to remember that they are in control of their lives now i get it we're not in control of everything we do believe in god being in control but there's a lot that is under our administration let's say it that way there's a lot of things that we can manage a lot of things that we're stewards of that we are supposed to make a difference with and sometimes we forget our own ability we forget that we have the ability to to change circumstances in life and eights are right there to remind us like you don't have to take that um why do you let them tell you what to do why don't you go in there and it can be annoying sometimes when aids are doing that to you because it feels like i've already got my boss giving me problems and now you are badgering me if we can see it for what it is is they're trying to empower you like you have the ability to to affect difference in your life don't be afraid to use that ability don't be afraid to fill that space and own that ground and draw that boundary around yourself and and declare out loud what you will and will not tolerate and that can be very helpful when you know you're in over your head or you are um feeling like you don't have any recourse or any any action you can take to have somebody in your life that reminds you you can do some things you can make some changes um there's a lot of eight watched denzel washington movie a while back i don't remember the name of it but there's an eight um probably a lot of the action heroes are eights i'd have to think about it but i haven't thought about it but a lot of action heroes um because it just you know that scruffy faced breaking the rules do it my own way kind of energy one of the characters on ncis new orleans gregorio is an 8. there's another one too i forget her name percy both of them were eights and i'm always i always laugh at the interactions between the eight and the five um because eights and fives they both can be a little bit a little bit calloused you know in their way they present themselves a little bit sharp edges sometimes but um eights all right so nines what do nines bring into this world how are nines positive uh man so much nines are kind of the old guy that lives out in the woods that you know is content with life and helps you to let go of so many things that you're struggling with and fighting with and striving for and trying to prove in life they just remind you that you know when you approach life with empty hands when you don't try to win every argument when you can let go of that pride and let go of that uh ambition and you can let go of of trying to conform life to your desires standards and goals you're going to be much more content in life you're going to be much more at peace in life when you can quit fighting and striving when you can learn to accept when you can learn to appreciate when you can learn to just be and not feel like you have to do so much now of course there's a dark side to that but for most of us that aren't nines that is some really helpful advice that may not come into our mind automatically that sometimes the best way to deal with problems is to do nothing that sometimes the best solution to the problem is maybe there's not really a problem maybe i don't need to do anything maybe if i did something it would make it worse maybe the best way to handle this difficult person is just to let it go is just with benign neglect and again for most of us that doesn't really seem like a way to handle problems but i think the nine is there right reminding us like is this really worth your trouble is this really worth all of this striving could you be okay you know as you are right now and can you be present right now in life um so nines have that peaceful energy about them that just reminds us that life is not a contest to be one you know it's not a problem that needs to be solved people in your life aren't problems that need to be solved and i think nines at their best are great mediators of conflict they have this unique ability to see both sides or all sides of an argument it keeps them from having to take a side but that ability to bring that into the world and help me understand better someone else's perspective and that this other person may not be my enemy we just may see things a little differently or how to go about doing things a little differently that we may actually agree just disagree on the details and a nine helps us you know like the uh the mortar in between all the bricks doesn't see itself as a brick it's the mortar that holds it all together and nines are great stabilizers in relationships they're great stabilizers in the workplace holding things together not rising too high when things are going well and not falling too low when things are are not going well they tend to stabilize everywhere they they are and a lot of us need that and all of us need that at times in our life just people that are steady um reliable and uh don't get too worked up in a crisis and uh help us you know just when we're drifting to find a little solid ground to stand uh to you know where we can put our feet so this is my attempt without having any notes or having really any forethought of trying to say the some of the positive aspects of each type i'm sure that if i go back and watch this video i'll say wow i said a lot of negatives and i don't mean to um it's just i guess i always feel like if we could see the negatives maybe the negatives don't have to control us so much maybe maybe maybe we could if we could see the negative aspects of ourselves in a mirror and become aware of those um then maybe they wouldn't have to limit us so much we could we could maybe overcome them to some degree we could break a little bit away from our impulses and instincts and compulsions and say maybe what i'm about to say doesn't need to be said you know if i'm a one and i'm an anger type and i learn that about myself then maybe it doesn't have to control me so much maybe i don't need to just show up that way maybe i could say oh wow here i am again you know a one feeling one stuff or a four feeling four stuff maybe i can let that go and it doesn't have to have such control over me but it's interesting to me the very things that you know we're looking for in our personality we tend to bring in our health i see that so much with myself as a seven i'm looking for a good time i'm looking for fun i'm looking for happiness i'm looking for i'm looking for joy when i'm doing really well and i don't feel stressed and i feel like you know my needs are met or whatever i bring joy into the into this world i bring laughter i bring happiness into this world and i think that's true of all the types is the things that we're looking for the things the way the what's wrong with the world that we're trying to fix you know we're trying to to maintain is what we actually share in our health with the world it's a fantastic concept it's it's been proven to me many times in my own life and in the lives of people i love and the people i work with and it's uh it helps you understand a little bit about your purpose in life if i'm here to bring joy into this world then maybe maybe i can learn from threes but i don't need to be a three i can learn from ones and i can pick up a little bit of the way they operate but i don't need to be a one they have their mission to organize straighten make perfect and the threes have their mission to accomplish achieve and inspire others to to be and do more i have my mission to help people out of the mirey clay um to re-imagine and see the joy in life that they have lost and to inspire them with that so all of us have that gift we bring into this world when we are healthy and if you want to find out you know how do i get to a more healthy place in this life comments below i mean in the description below check out the website i'd love for you to book an appointment i know my appointments are full right now for the next couple of weeks at least at the time of this video but uh reach out i'd love to talk with you and uh and hear your side of the story all right guys take care have a great day and as always be present to life don't let your personality be the only part of you that people meet let them meet the uh the person behind the personality um i'll see you next time thanks

Channel: Dr. Tom LaHue

Views: 7,889

Rating: 4.9283886 out of 5

Keywords: enneagram, personalities, love, family, parenting, marriage, home, relationships

Id: ECfhNOojcfQ

Length: 44min 45sec (2685 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 11 2021