Effective Communication Skills: Danger and Power Phrases: Replace GENERALIZATIONS with SPECIFICS

mutation training hi everybody this is dan o'connor with dan o'connor training and today I'm going to give you a danger phrase remember you should already be keeping in a danger phrase and power phrase list and the key to a danger phrase and power phrase list is remember if it visually available why because human beings respond well to visual cues so if you're doing this at home keep your danger phrase list on the refrigerator you might want to keep it on your mirror if it's personal and if it's for your family remember that it's very difficult to get those with whom we live to change their verbal patterns but with something such as a danger phrase and power phrase list it can become very easy because it's a concrete tool that people can use and then they can reference visually human beings are visual communicators if you're doing it at work make sure that people can contribute to the danger phrasing power phrase list and keep it visually available maybe on someone's desk it could be up on the wall but when you keep a danger phrase and power phrase list and then you make sure it's visually available to keep you on task so to speak you can change your verbal patterns like that and remember your verbal patterns affect your thought patterns just as your thought patterns affect your verbal patterns so if you are having thought patterns that you want to get rid of if you're suffering from low self-esteem if you are self sabotaging the quickest ways to change your thought patterns is to change your verbal patterns just as when you change your thought patterns you change your verbal patterns so let's get on to our danger phrase for the day all right today we're going to focus on generalizations and remember number one knowing the names of these tactics helps you identify them and either use them or avoid them more effectively generalizations are going to be words or phrases such as always never everytime sometimes and remember that the average human being speaks at the rate of about 150 words per minute I speak a little more quickly I speak at about 250 words per minute the world's fastest talker speaks at the rate of about 600 words per minute and our self-talk the talk that goes on in our brain is going at the rate of about 800 words per minute remember that we do not just think in abstract thoughts we talked to ourselves and when you use generalizations rather than being specific about the message that you're delivering it will speed up self-talk therefore blocking the message that you're trying to send to the other person so when you say something such as you know you never do what you say you're going to do or even if it's something such as I've noticed that sometimes you come in late for work the person with whom you're communicating is going to start speaking more quickly in his or her brain and they're going to start arguing with what you're saying because you're not being specific so they're going to start thinking to themselves things such as what is he talking about this sometimes coming late for work I was just on time last Tuesday nobody notice then we just give this big talk about I'm coming in late for work if instead of using generalizations such as sometimes always never every now and then you were to use specific words about one issue because remember when we address behavior with somebody and we want to address the behavior not the person when you address behavior you want to address one issue even if somebody really does something every day or even if somebody really does never listen to you it's not effective to address all of the times that they don't listen to you or that they never do what they're saying what they say they're going to do the effective savvy communicator chooses one issue the last time and addresses that issue so for example instead of say something such as you know you never take the garbage out like you say you're going to and then I come home and I have stinky garbage that is going to sit and rot there until the garbage man comes in another week if instead you were to say this morning before leaving for work you told me that you would take out the garbage therefore I didn't and you did not take out the garbage that is something specific so when you say something specific the person is going to think yeah I'm busted and that's really the end of that self-talk pattern now they're more open and ready to receive the message that you're sending at work for example if you say to an employee I've noticed that you're starting to come in late more often than you did before or I'd noticed that sometimes you don't turn in your work when you say you're going to that person is going to think to himself or herself when do I do that I almost always turn on my work on time my mom was always some time for work instead if you were to say Charlie I need your help yesterday you came in seven minutes late for work or Charlie I'm concerned the last project that you told me would be on my desk by Tuesday was not on my desk until Wednesday morning when you say something like that specifically people will think to themselves hmm I mustered and then be more open and ready to receive the rest of your message because there's nothing to argue about so remember generalizations cloud the message and sometimes especially if you're a more passive communicator you might be using generalizations to try and soften a message and actually be kind or be nice there's nothing kind or nothing nice about not being clear when you're sending what you consider to be an important message remember that an assertive communicator sends a clear direct honest message and you can't do that when you're using generalizations so generalizations should be at the very top of your danger phrase list and where should your danger phrase list be if it's at home on the refrigerator on the mirror someplace visible because visual cues are key at work have it in front of someone's as they're speaking on the telephone have it on their desk have it up on the wall have it on the back of their name badge but visual cues are key keep these verbal patterns around vision and it will remind us to purge them from our verbal repertoire thus boosting our communication power and getting us one step closer to being that savvy powerful communicator that we all want to be so remember if you need a workshop leader or keynote speaker on this subject stop by dan o'connor training com for more audios videos books and resources on this subject stop by the store at dan o'connor training comm and make sure to follow us on our social media sites as well as like share and subscribe right here on YouTube

Channel: Online Communication Skills Training Courses

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Keywords: effective communication skills training videos, communication expert, communication keynote speaker, body language, onsite communication skills training, communication expert keynote speaker, dealing with difficult people, professional communication skills training, communication skills, communication training, Language (Quotation Subject), Business, Training, Success, communication workshop, communication courses, communication classes

Id: VeWUmtTG5DE

Length: 6min 58sec (418 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 09 2015