3 reasons people don't like you: Part 1 of 3 | Professional communication training online

at the time you are done with this video you are going to be able to purge the things that are the top three things that make people dislike us or even hate us when we say them and you will have the tools so that you can still express what you need to express but say something else that doesn't make people hate us so much in its place are you ready three things that make people dislike us number one we are a gossip number two we are critical and number three we are negative all right i'm going to start off with number one a gossip because this is an easy one let's talk about what makes people actually like us first okay there are things that we can say or do if you're new to this channel i'm communication skills expert dan o'connor and i specialize in what's called tactical communication and what technical communication is all about is finding the specific words and phrases and verbal patterns and body language maneuvers and signals and tells that you can use to your advantage to increase the odds of achieving your communication goal whatever that goal may be if your goal right now is getting people to like you so that you can bond with people and form relationships for whatever reason there are specific things that you can do that will increase the odds of people bonding with you when you communicate with them and one of the top things that you can do to get people to bond with you and like you is to talk about other people but let's talk about exactly how all right here's a pop quiz for you people will like you more if you say nice or good or flattering things about who number one people in the room number two the person to whom you are speaking number three people not in the room or number four yourself okay so people will like you more if you say nice things about who if you said people not in the room that is correct it's amazing how many people when they are trying to ingratiate themselves with those around them they will say nice things or flattering things to those around them thinking that that will help them get in their good graces or ingratiate themselves when in fact studies show over and over again that if we talk about people who are not in the room in a positive way that is one of the top things that will make other people like us because basically the theory goes and i'm sure you will agree with this when we see other people talk flatteringly about people who are not in the room we think to ourselves huh that is going to be how you may talk about me when i'm not in the room because i've noticed you say good things about people who are not here that's nice of you that's kind that's compassionate you know whatever it may be i like that and i would like you to talk that way about me if i were not in the room therefore do that any opportunity that you get to talk about somebody who's not in the room in a positive way do that and if you find yourself sliding down that slippery slope into gossipville right in the middle of a sentence you can change what you're saying about somebody else and make it positive for example let's say that i'm about to say oh she's such a kiss up instead if i'm already talking about susie the kiss-up i might say something like she has extraordinary people skills and that's still true you know if i were to say susie well she has extraordinary people skills if she is a kiss-up and it is successful well she has extraordinary she has extraordinary kiss-up skills she has extraordinary people skills if she is a kiss-up and it's not successful for her and it's not working out for her the way she would hope i mean the universe really is self-correcting and if she's already receiving her correction in the form of people not appreciating the way she communicates or therefore liking her i don't really need to add to her misery today i can just keep a lid on it and know that things are all good the universe is still self-correcting number two she always dumps her work on me if i feel like saying something like that if it's true i have to remember one of the truths the first time somebody does something to me if sally you know trixie or susie were to dump her work on me and i took it well that's about sally if this is the third time fourth time fifth time that she has done that that is about me not about sally and evidently sally has extraordinary prioritization and delegation skills if she's able to delegate her work to me and i keep doing it well then you know she really knows how to delegate and get things done that's the truth number three she never does what she says she's going to do she never does or i could say you know i don't know how she gets everything done simple remember if you are finding yourself sliding down that slippery slope stop right in the middle of your sentence and flip it into something positive that you could say about that other person because in the end if your reason for gossiping about somebody was to just vent that's not something you do with your co-workers that's just asking for trouble asking that's an amateur mistake all right mom this is for you did i say that out loud i didn't say that out loud did i no the difference between critiquing something and criticizing something is basically

Channel: The Wizard of Words

Views: 21,937

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Id: ZzRCrHD9xQk

Length: 5min 30sec (330 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 22 2021