FREE COMPLETE Communication Skills Webinar: How to Communicate with Power & Persuasion

communication training with samjoe Hoggard hi everybody in Chicago this is Dan O'Connor and I'd like to thank you for joining me in our latest live presentation today's presentation that I'm giving you is going to be a review of what we talked about and I'm going to do it in a webinar format which is a little bit different for me so please bear with me as I put this together for you I wanted to make sure to really give you something that you could use right away and not just use it individually but share it with your team so that you can see results right away both at work and at home today's presentation is going to be about presenting with more influence power and persuasion we're going to talk about the specific tactics that we talked about when we did our live event which include verbal tactics body language tactics and more so we have a lot of great things to discuss let's get started we're going to be reviewing quickly today so if you want more information on these specific tactics these specific phrases the wise or some more in-depth explanations remember that our video programs or video libraries as well as the subscription site is full of more in-depth lessons I'm assuming if you are watching this there's buddy by the way I'm assuming that if you're watching this you already have participated in our online training or some live training so the first danger phrase that I'm going to give you today and remember you should keep your danger phrase and power phrase list visually available human beings are visual communicators visual cues are key you can't expect your family or your group or yourself you can't expect to make changes verbally and make changes in the way you communicate if you simply hear something or you read something or you see something in a video or you hear and see something in a live event human beings are visual communicators and you want to keep visual cues visual reminders around so that when you're trying to make changes in what is ultimately your thought patterns and you start by doing that by changing your verbal patterns when you want to make those types of changes remember to keep visual cues available so you should have your danger phrase list and power phrase list someplace for example in front of you on your desk maybe on your refrigerator buddies having a great time on there maybe you want to keep it on the back of your name badge but someplace where you and the people who you want to be changing little patterns can see it the first danger phrase of the day is idea remember that there is nothing more powerless than telling somebody I think I have an idea that might work for you that is not what powerful communicators say those people who we actually believe the people who actually bring solutions to the table the people who are considered to be savvy powerful communicators when they know that you have a problem what do they bring to the table that's right not an idea they bring an answer a proposal a solution I mean let's face it a lot of people have a lot of ideas at work a lot of crummy ideas and you do not want to be associated with those who say I think I have an idea that might work if you were to instead replace that with something more powerful such as I believe I have an answer that would work for you I believe I have a solution for that I believe I have a proposal you'd be interested in how different is that remember instead of saying something such as think I think this might work I believe this will work for you totally different message idea I have an idea that I think might work I believe I have an answer for you totally different message so remember it not only changes your speech pattern but it's going to change the substance of your message because remember there's a difference between substance and form substance is where you're coming from basically your thought patterns form is the verbiage that you're using the actual words you're using and form tends to follow substance but when you change your speech patterns you also will change your thought patterns just as when you change your thought patterns you'll change your speech patterns so when you say things more often such as I believe I have a solution for you rather than I think I might have an answer but I think I might have an idea for you not only will you change the way you speak you will believe in what you're saying more so we're that parts of what we were just talking about where I think versus I believe remember that at work especially when you're presenting people don't want to know what you're thinking they do however want to know what your belief systems are what do you believe to be true so when you change anything that you're saying from I think that's a great idea to something more along the lines of I believe you found the answer for us I believe that would be a great solution it changes the entire message it changes your level of confidence and it changes the results that you'll get as you're saying that message and one of the things that you'll hear people do when they're presenting an idea and let's say they're challenged and somebody says well why do you think XYZ might happen or where did you get that information where did you get this idea why are you bringing this to me you'll notice that when people are not truly confident in their message they'll say things such as well I just thought that bla bla bla well I was just thinking well I just saw this I just saw that I just thought you might want to eliminate the phrase just from your verbal repertoire at work I just or I for example people as they're speaking if they're being interrupted and then they're given the floor back because we talked about an anti interrupter tactic if you're giving a presentation and someone is trying to sabotage your message by interrupting you you should never be given the floor back you should be maintaining your position by using the 3-step anti interrupter however let's say that you have the floor taken from you and you've been given it back the average person will resume what they were saying by starting off with the phrase such as well I was just saying that well I was just saying well I was just telling you well I just wanted to say and remember nothing sabotages your message more than you saying things such as well I just there's no just in a presentation that you're giving to someone when you're trying to be persuasive and that by the way is what we call a delete phrase does nothing that we would use to replace that some other words that we use in presentations that actually diminish the effect of our presentation that take away from its power our phrases such as really very so for example if I were to say to you I really believe that this is the solution that you should go with how different is it if I were to simply say I believe you should go with the solution or this is a very very smart choice for you as opposed to this is a smart choice for you or I'm so grateful that you all came here today to listen to me as opposed to I'm grateful that you all came here today so when you shorten your message especially by the way women women tend to use words such as really and very more than men do I'm just saying that in case you use those women more than men do some men use the more than some women i if generalizing but women in particular need to be careful about using the words really and very because instead of empowering your message they actually take away from it so anytime you're giving a presentation remember that one of the best things to do by the way is to video yourself and I know that it's torture because I have to video myself and watch it and it's one of the most stressful things you can do is watch yourself in a video it's like listening to yourself on the phone and everybody says I don't sound like that yep you do but if you listen to yourself or watch yourself in a video you'll notice the things that you're doing without even knowing it such as using filler words such as really very so when we're actually when we're trying to empower our message and you'll notice that they actually take away from it the word better if you're in a situation where you are debating let's say or you're talking about you're doing a brainstorming session and you're problem solving if you say that something is better than something else at work remember that the word better should not be used at work unless you're saying something such as yes thank you I'm feeling much better because if you're saying something is better remember that we talked about what's called label planting and label planting is about using the words that you want people to associate with you anytime you're about to use the word better instead you should also instead you should always instead of using the word better state the reason why something is better for example instead of saying I think I have a better idea how about why is your idea better is it because it might serve your customer more effectively than what the verbal pattern should be is I believe I have a more customer focused solution or I believe I have a more time-saving solution or I believe that I have a more cost-effective solution or I believe that's a more cost-effective solution and if you can use it as an opportunity to label plant you know for example if you want somebody to think that you are a very customer focused person if instead of saying huh I think that might be a better solution if you were to instead say or I think that might be a better idea how about I believe that's a more customer focused so I believe that's a more customer focused solution I mean listen to the differences between those messages well I think that might be a better idea and I believe that's a more customer focused solution yeah I like that how different are those two messages one person is confident in what they're saying the other person is kind of testing the water and it's much better to be wrong every now and then and state it when you are then to always be hedging what you say bye I think I just that might so remember those types of words don't have any place in business and when you use the word better instead be specific and describe the reason why something is better and if you have a chance plant a label remember that when we're talking to somebody in general because we also talked about some customer service issues in our live events when we talk about subconscious perceptions that we form our subconscious perceptions are much more accurate than our conscious judgments that we make of people and one of the things that we judge on a subconscious level is how much have you invested in your communication training and that's going to tell me how much you've invested in your professional development that's going to tell me how competent of an individual you are because it is true as we develop as a professional we can't help but learn some new verbal patterns and implement them because we want to sound like those people who we admire and we want to emulate them and the professionals that we know that are in high-level positions that are dealing with customers tend not to say things such as not a problem or no problem when you say to somebody not a problem or no problem what's going to happen is they're going to think oh I wonder if there's somebody else that I should go to when I actually have a problem because this person is implying that simply serving me is a problem and whether or not that's what you're thinking your subconscious is going to know if that person says not a problem or no problem just as the cashier at the convenience store says just as the person making my sandwich at the sandwich shop says just as the the cashier at the grocery store says I don't have the faith that they're going to be able to solve my problems when they come about the same way I would have faith in that high level professional who instead says to me who instead says to me something such as you're welcome or even better label plants and says something such as it's my pleasure or it's my pleasure to serve you remember that anytime you get the chance to plan to label do that and it may sound or feel awkward at first because those might be new verbal patterns for you they will not sound awkward or stilted once you start using them more and more more because they will become natural and then remember it changes your thought patterns it is a pleasure to serve it is a pleasure to serve you or yes I can help you with that instead of a simple shower not what problem let me see what I can do yes I can help you with that I'm letting you know and I'm letting my subconscious know I can help with anything remember there are many phrases at work that if we simply eliminate them and add something else we change the whole vibe at work for example it's if we stop saying to anybody a co-worker a customer especially when we're in a presentation let's say that somebody says to me hey Dan can you give me the report that you just referred to if I'm telling you for example if I open my presentation with something such as in that five seconds time that it took me to pause before I began speaking over three million people looked for a pizza parlor in their neighborhood just in the United States alone are you on the list so that you can be found let's say that somebody were to say now I just made up all of those statistics but let's say if somebody were to say to me Dan could you send me that report that you were referring to with the pizza parlors if I were to say sure you want me to send that to you by email that phrase do you want or if I were to say sure do you need me to overnight that to you I'm asking somebody to acknowledge yes I'm needy or yes I'm a wonderful person and it's not about if I'm here serving you it is never about what you want or what you need it should be about what pleases you what would you like and if I were to instead say would you like me to send that to you would you like me to email that to you by the end of the day would you like me to FedEx that to you that's pretty good but if instead I were to use a tag question and say sure I could send that to in an email as soon as I finish this presentation would you like that or absolutely I could have FedEx that to you by tomorrow morning would you like that when you use the phrase would you like that people will either verbally or mentally start saying the word yes or yes I'd like that more often when they're around you you want that because someday you're going to need somebody's subconscious to look back in time and decide what am I used to saying around you yes or no and if they are ever on the fence as to whether or not they should be persuaded to go along with your proposal that will play a part that will influence their decision because you know if you have let's say two kids or if you have two nephews as I do when I have to grant a request and I don't really know should I say yes or no my subconscious kind of goes back in time and says well damn normally you say no to this one or down normally you say yes to this one and so by the time someone begins making a request many times we already have decided no mm-hmm wait what did you ask okay yeah no or as soon as they start speaking we'll think yes yeah what do you want yet so go yes so remember that when you can say to somebody instead of do you need a bag with that or you want me to put some fries on the side with that if we are to instead say even if it's I mean just imagine those two things I said I could put that on the bag for you would you like that or well I could put some fries on the side if you'd like that would you like that even simple things like can I stick your coconut bag all of a sudden seem like Oh a customer service luxury when you know how to put it the right way I could get that to you by the end of the day would you like that all of a sudden people are thinking not only am i used to saying yes I like being around you that remember is what we call Baba Baba a tag question their blood of the blah blah blah would you like that yada yada yada yada yada yada don't you think wouldn't you agree aren't you aren't we isn't it remember that when you're giving a presentation by the way we'll be talking about different ways to ask convincing questions if you have not yet if three minutes have passed and you have not yet taken the time to get your audience to either mentally which is okay sometimes or verbally engage with you I mean about every three minutes or so you should take the time even if it's a simple sounds good doesn't it or I really like that don't you that one is a great one don't you think those little things get people to engage with you and if more than three minutes have has passed and you have not yet asked a convincing question meaning a question that gets the audience to think with you a simple tag question like I like that don't you it's a good one don't you think we'll do it having said that so we've started off with a few danger phrases than a few power phrases I'd like to talk about what are called navigational phrases remember that navigational phrases are things that you would use let's say that during a presentation or you're talking to a customer whatever it may be you've noticed that you've lost control of the group you've noticed that you've lost control of the relationship of the transaction whatever it may be you've gone off course and you don't know what to say what would you do if you slid off the road in your car you'd probably want to back up shift gears change directions and those are the types of phrases that you can use when you've noticed that a relationship an event a presentation have gone off track because they get people to visually engage with you and even if people are thinking in a visual way it's more effective than simply thinking in abstract thoughts because human beings don't think in abstract thoughts they think in words they think in pictures and if you're instead if you instead of saying to people all right all right all right okay I think we need to get back to the present a if you were to instead say okay I believe that we may have gone up course here so I'd like to stop for a moment and let's take a quick break so that when we come back we can get back on track or if you simply say I let everybody I think we may have gone off course here so if you don't mind I'd like to shift gears and talk about X Y Z or if you've noticed that a relationship has gone bad you know I think that this relationship may have taken an unfortunate turn and I'd like it if it's okay with you if we could stop here and change direction and maybe find some paths that we both feel comfortable with when you can speak in those types of terms people tend to respond to it transitional phrases are if you ever notice that you've gone off track when you're speaking to somebody or if you ever need to let's say you're at a convention and you've noticed that somebody has been taking up a lot of your time and you need to quickly stop this conversation and move to another run remember that you can almost always interrupt somebody by saying so you're saying you know for example if somebody's saying yeah they've been talking for half an hour yeah I mean I've been doing this for a long time I mean I've been in this industry now for thirty years when you can interrupt somebody by saying so you're saying you've been doing this for thirty years you're interrupting by telling people I'm listening to you so as soon as you can do that people will stop and say well yeah I am wow that is interesting that reminds me I have another appointment to make it was really nice meeting you then you leave or while that's interesting by the way I don't think I've told you about and then transition the conversation remember by the way connects any thought to any other thought that reminds me connects any thought to any other thought so when you need to transition don't stress out thinking oh how am I going to get this back on track just use a phrase such as by the way that reminds me or interesting by the way that reminds me and then transition no one will ever ask you how did what I just say make you think of that and if they do you simply say well the mind is a mysterious thing that reminds me and then keep on time spotlight phrases remember when let's say that you're giving a presentation and somebody makes a passive-aggressive comment such as oh yeah I've tried that before yeah you know even if they give a grunt or make a sound that's telling you hey I'm not digging what you're saying and I'm not vibing with you but they're not being upfront about it what you want to do is ask a clarifying question such as mark are you trying to say that you don't think that's a good idea are you trying to say that you've tried this in the past and it hasn't worked for you and when you call people on their passive-aggressive behavior and ask them to be upfront and bring what they're saying to light it puts people on on alert that you are not a passive communicator you're not going to let that type of behavior go by which is a reward nor are you going to engage in that type of behavior yourself which is a reward and remember what gets rewarded gets repeated but instead you're going to call people on their behavior and ask people are you trying to say yada-yada or mark when you say that you've tried this in the past and it doesn't work it sounds to me like you're trying to say you don't think that this idea will work even though it's different is that what you're trying to say it or John when you do that it appears as if you're trying to distract from my message because you don't like it is that what you're trying to do if you ask people hey it looks like you're doing this am i right it puts people on the alert you're going to call them on their behavior and remember when somebody objects as you're delivering a presentation or after your presentation human beings always want to object to a new idea on your proposal a new answer in a solution before you go ahead and answer it over half the time human beings object when they're actually stating what are called false objection they're just objecting to checked you know ah but that might take a lot of time I don't know that looks expensive oh I don't know that kitchen is really ugly over half the time when people object they're really what are called false objections don't answer it and waste your time or run the risk of making it a real objection until you have uncovered whether or not it is real then you do that by simply saying we'll tell me how important is that to you some version of that such as huh will tell me how important is the color of the kitchen to you will tell me how important is the time spent on this to you tell me how important is the cost to you and of course you might want to follow it up with will tell me how important is the cost to you if I can show you that you will be making it back and more within the first six months tell me how important is the time invested in this to you if I can show you that it will raise your profits by 50 percent within the first six months how important would that be to you the time spent on doing this you know if you can tell people how important is the color of the kitchen to you watch how they'll say things such as well you know I'm tearing this whole place down anyway so it doesn't matter and you'll say great that answers that doesn't it by the way did you see that big backyard or if you say to somebody you know how important is the time spent on this and they say it's really important to me I don't have much extra time remember you can always use what's called the porcupine and say something such as alright and which what you're going to do by the way when use a porcupine is you're going to address the question you're going to move along move away from it as quickly as possible but you're also going to ask a solution-focused question remember that a solution-focused question is basically articulating a quid pro quo situation meaning I'm going to ask you if I can show you that you'll get this then will I get that for example if I'm presenting something to my boss and he or she says to me something such as will Danny no it looks like it really would take a long time for us to implement what it is that you're proposing if I were to ask a solution-focused question a quid pro quo type of deal and say something such as now going to use the whole porcupine here will tell me how important is the time spent on this to you in my boss were to say well really important I mean you know that time is money around here and I were to say alright then if I were to show you that the time spent on this project would increase our monthly revenue by 15% within the first 60 days then would you be willing to implement this proposal or if I were to say to a customer well let me ask you this if I were to show you that using simple upsell phrases at the point of sale would increase your profits on average by 15% starting the first month would you then be willing to train your employees to use closing phrases at the point of sale or if I could show you that simply rearranging your merchandise in the Shelf could raise your profits by twenty to thirty percent within the first 90 days would you then be willing to rearrange the merchandise in the shelf when you ask somebody if I can show you this or if we do that if I do that will I get this if I can show you this will you then agree to that that is a solution focused question and if you can remember the names of things like a black light question well how important is that to you oh it's important well then let's ask us a porcupine solution-focused question well I can see that this is important to you so how about this if I can show you this or demonstrate this then will you do that or will you give me that or let's say that you found out that it's a false objection that I might simply give you a transitional phrase well that answers that doesn't it by the way let me show you yada-yada-yada when you know the names of things you can start to use them much more effectively and much more frequently and you cannot help but see a difference in the results that you get it's just like anything else when you are a more skilled persuader a more skilled communicator you will get the results that a more skilled persuader a more seasoned communicator gets especially when you use things such as fallback phrases remember that fallback phrases are phrases that you use to fall back on when you're not really sure what to say you know they're phrases such as interesting why would you ask me something like that or interesting why would you say that or interesting why would you do that interesting tell me more about that with those four phrases interesting telling more about that or interesting why would you say that interesting tell me why would you ask me that when you can respond to somebody with one of those phrases those four phrases alone cover 99% of the situations in which most people find themselves at a loss for words so you should always have a bag of non confrontational phrases that you can reach into and pull out fallback phrases from when you need them so four more phrases more transitional phrases more spotlight phrases black light phrases remember we have tons of them in both our YouTube channel and in our online programs in our videos the last phrase like this that I'd like to give you today is simple empathy statements you know when we're giving a presentation whether it's one-on-one or to a group and people start to complain or start to tell you about the problems that they're having they're going to keep telling you until you use an empathy phrase many of us want to quickly transition away from the crybabies from the whiners the complainers the victims and I use those words because remember that when you study difficult people you should know the difference between the beggar the time sucker the victim the whiner the constant critic the nega holic there are different types of difficult people that we all have inside of us and you should know how to deal with them and when somebody's looking for empathy when somebody's bringing problems to you many of us try to transition away very quickly because we think I want to get away from this as quickly as possible the best way to do that is to actually acknowledge it and use an empathy but many of us aren't empathetic by nature remember to use phrases such as whoo I understand why that would be so frustrating or oh that's horrible as simple I can see why that would upset you those phrases not who I noticed how you feel that's a danger phrase but telling somebody I understand why you'd feel that way I understand why that would be upsetting I can see why that would frustrate you those are empathy phrases the more empathetic you can be when somebody's looking for empathy the quicker you can transition away from it because you have gotten them unstuck and you can get back to the message at hand and remember what we talked about creating and using a personal compass that helps the substance of your message be what it should be and if you have not yet taken the time to make a personal compass remember to go to our YouTube channel if you don't have the specific URL let me quickly put it up here oh look at there I am so I didn't know that video was still up you want a good laugh there you go so if you can go to this video oh it's fine dan O Connor hi everybody this is expert communication trainer Dan okarin so I don't know who that is but he's impersonating me he this this video will teach you and your team how to quickly create and use a personal compass because remember there's basically what we'd say is there's a sliver in time between event and response where you may have a moment to stop and think wait a minute Who am I because when we're asked to be on our toes when we're in a difficult communication situation where we all of a sudden feel the pressure is on we tend to lose our words we or we tend to say crazy things if we can stop however in this moment in time and reflect on who we told ourselves we were when we were saying in sober you know I am kind I am patient I'm considerate in that sliver and time if I can reflect on who and why I'm here what I want as opposed to most people who really could not answer those questions I mean ask people go around as a social experiment asking people hey if I were to ask you who are you what three adjectives might you use to describe yourself or why are you here not at work on the planet I mean what you're doing now whatever your job is whether it's in Florida or in Chicago or in Alaska that's just the vehicle you're using to do what it is you're here to do and if we can keep that in mind we'll be more effective at not only what we're really here to do but at our job and we have to remember what we want because half the time what we're saying does not reflect what we really want in life you know a plane tends to be off course over 99% of the time but they tend to get where they're going because will tend to because they have a destination in mind I can be out of course over 99% of the time but I'll probably get to where I'm going if I know where it is that I'm going I'll never get to where I'm going if I have not yet decided you know what do I want I want peace I want financial independence I want to leave a legacy now by the way this is just an example of what I have written down but if you take the time to make yours you may have some similar things you may have completely different things but when I can stop before opening my mouth and remember wait a minute you might be pushing my buttons you might be for example let's say that I'm presenting to one person and he's deliberately trying to rock my boat he's deliberately trying to you know say oh yeah well blah blah blah yeah well you sound like all the other people who come in here present the same thing that's about him it might be his style trying to see how confident are you and before I respond if I can stop as much as people cannot if I can stop and remember well I'm patient I'm resilient I'm compassionate I'm here to enjoy myself I'm here to learn and I'm here to love this person and minister to him I'm actually going for a peace a peaceful environment in my life I'm actually here because I want to achieve financial independence and leave a legacy so if I can remember that what I'm going to say to you in response to those comments is going to be very different from what I might say if I were to simply think to myself oh you think so huh well how about this you know what I mean so it is imperative that you make and use a personal compass and we talked about establishing a PE see remember what the PE C is remember the personal emotional connection and if you're not an emotional person I mean if you're more of a left brain er a logical left brained thinker it tends to be difficult to make a personal emotional connection and Pepsi keeps me going if you're feeling doubt in the afternoon how about a pups perks you up send me free Pepsi remember that people who are able to make a personal emotional connection sell more for example even if you're a server in a restaurant servers who touch their patrons now I don't mean you know you should be able to discern what's appropriate and what's not there are three legal areas where you can still touch people and I'm not saying we should go on modeling everybody but when you can incorporate haptics touching into your communication people who touch other people servers in particular make more money than those who do not why not because they're touching them in people are thinking rule 11 been touched in a while but it's because touching other people creates a chemical bond it actually creates a connection with them and if you can create more of a personal connection with more people you will be more successful in everything that you do now the point of what I was talking about is not to say to go around touching everybody but instead of thinking to yourself during a presentation again whether it's a one-on-one presentation or to a group instead of thinking I'm here to deliver this message I'm here because you need to understand that if instead you think my number one goal to connect with you I want to connect with you on an emotional level and then once I do that you will be more open to listening to whatever it is that I'm saying if you can do that you will be much more successful in whatever it is that you do and remember that we talked about style stepping now that is a totally different seminar and what or webinar from this one but if I am presenting to an individual or to a group remember that everybody's needs are different everybody wants to hear a different benefit everybody speaks a different language and you want to be able to style step or in other words speak the language of the expressive personality type you want to be able to speak the language of I don't know by the way why that danced around of the director type I want to be able to speak though there comes expressive again I want to be able to speak the language of the amiable and I want to be able to speak the language of I don't know what that's happening the analytical so the four types of people basically I mean all the different personality systems are the same but the generic terms for the four types are there's the expressive type the director type the amiable type and the analytical type and many times when we go into work or when we're presenting our proposals we think well I want to deliver the message in the way that turned me on or I want to treat people the way I would like to be treated don't do that remember the Platinum rule is I want to treat others the way they want to be treated speak to them in their language I want to teach them the way they want to be taught what the expressive person had something better to do and when I can recognize and understand the different languages that people speak and then speak those languages I will be more effective at not just making the personal emotional connection and communicating but winning people over to my train of thought for example there are five different languages that people speak up they're the expressive person made a comeback there are five different languages that people speak when it comes to love and that language is the same language that they would speak when it comes to appreciation when they want to be appreciated when they want to be seen is when they want to be apologized to when they want to be thanked when I need to thank you show you I appreciate you apologize to you I had better know what your language is and the five different of the expressive keeps coming and going the five different languages of love and appreciation for example our number one touch now of course again we can't be doing that at work every time gifts giving and receiving gifts quality time words and acts of service so remember again this is a whole different field of study but one of the things that we can do in our presentations is remember when I'm speaking to a group I must remember that the expressive people they want to hear more about themselves they want to hear what's in it for them the driver wants to hear about what the goal is how can I achieve that goal or what would the goal be that I'm going to achieve and therefore get a trophy or an award the analytical person wants to hear about the process they want to know what the details are what do we when do we start when do we finish what will this entail and the amiable person will want to hear about how will this affect people how will this affect the group my group regrouped other people when I as I'm presenting can remember to style step now if I know that I'm speaking to just one person and I know who they are I know that they are a director type just talk about the goal it and this will reflect well on your resume you know you will look like more a winner or the expressive type you will be recognized and seen for having done a great job if you do it this way the amiable type this will be really great for your team the analytical type you will learn a lot as you're doing this if I can remember to speak everyone's language now I just am summarizing very briefly again this is a whole field of study that you want to focus on if your job entails dealing with other people and if I can remember for example when I need to show you that I appreciate you or thank you or apologize to you remember some people if their language is touch you know I can't again hug you but I certainly can remember to shake your hand I can remember to not leave the room as you're speaking that's if your language is taps you do not like that if your language is giving and receiving gifts I can remember to give you something physical a certificate that shows you did a great job or thank you very much or I really apologize when you know what somebody's language is quality time words of service or excuse me words of love acts of service then you can do those things like show them I love you or I appreciate you or I respect you or an apology or I thank you any of those things you will be able to do more effectively if you know what someone's love languages any presentation you will be able to do more effectively if you know what somebody's basic personality type is or speak to all of the types that's what's called style stepping most of us when we present when we deliver customer service when we try to encourage people when we try to motivate people simply speak our own language if you can learn to speak other people's language and again it's not just a simple Oh some people like to see things some people like to hear things there are many ways that you can style step learn about them do it and you will be a much more savvy communicator and a much more effective persuader that expressive person I really don't know what's up with them in this portion of the webinar we're going to focus on specific tactics that you can use when presenting in a more formal capacity meaning you're giving a presentation to a group or maybe you're presenting to an individual but these are specifically geared towards presentations and the first couple of things that we're going to talk about are things that you can do kind of spice up your mess many people are delivering messages that they believe are rather dry they might be delivering some information on financial issues or maybe they're delivering some information about statistics that they don't have a strategies force icing up so remember that two things you can do to create more impact with your message are incorporating analogies and intensifiers into whatever it is that you're saying and analogies intense and intensive fires are similar in the fact in the sense that they both speak to the senses but analogies are when you're saying this is like that but you don't want to use the word like generally when you're comparing one thing to another especially at work remember that you want to say as if so for example instead of saying right now we're experiencing an overload of work in the accounting department instead if you were to say something that paints a visual picture an analogy such as it's as if a tidal wave of paperwork has hit the accounting department and has flooded and drowned us all at the same time when you use analogies such as the one I just used you can't help but envision an accounting department being literally drowned in paperwork right so when you can incorporate analogies that that describes something visually that's one way to get people more mentally engaged in what you're saying and the other thing is intensifiers intensifiers are similar however you're not necessarily saying it's as if X Y Z you're simply using phrases that incorporate the senses so for example instead of saying I would like this message to be clear if I were to say the message I'm sending needs to be made crystal clear it incorporates a sense visual crystal-clear instead of saying this table needs to be if I were to instead say I'd like to see that table squeaky-clean that incorporates a sense hearing when you use more senses in the expressions that you use you know for example instead of saying something such as this department has become negative or I'm noticing a lot of negativity here at work if you're if you were to instead say it's beginning to reek of this stink of passive-aggressive behavior is starting to permeate in this department is starting to permeate this department people will say what the stink of negativity or the the reek of passive-aggressive communication you'll notice it paints a picture so remember no matter what you're talking about you can always spice it up a bit by simply engaging the senses in a verbal sense using analogies and intensifiers it's not just that I'm embarrassed it's that I am spiraling down a vortex of shame it's not just that communication skills are important but when you reek of communication skills people listen to you another thing that you can do in a more formal sense is remember to start out with a bang you don't want to start out flat and three of the biggest mistakes that people make when starting out when opening are they introduce themselves and say hi i'm dan oconnor well actually the average person will say hi my name is dan oconnor and remember anytime you want to introduce yourself in a professional setting never say my name is that is not the verbal pattern of an acomplished powerful communicator instead i'm and then your name the second thing people do is sometimes they'll start off with a joke or trying to be funny never do that because all it takes is one bomb and Schorr doomed for the rest of your presentation people will also frequently start off doing one of these well good morning everybody aw come on you can do better than that I said good morning and they'll expect everybody to say good morning and then they'll turn on the PowerPoint presentation and everyone will take a nice long nap so instead if you're looking for a way to begin your presentation remember you can always begin arguing against your own argument so whatever it is that you're presenting that day for example let's say that you're giving a presentation on you want to buy a bunch of new Mac computers because you believe that those would be more efficient than the current pcs you're using if you were to start off by saying if saving 30 to 40 minutes per day which by the way would end up to roughly 75 hours a year per employee is something that does not interest you then you might just want to keep using the computers you're using however if you would rather dedicate that time towards productivity and profitability you'll be interested in hearing the message I'm sending today you know something like that when you argue against what it is that you're saying you know if I'm presenting a new initiative for a safety procedure and I were to say if safety and the well-being of our employees is not something that is of concern to you then maybe what I'm about to talk about today won't interest you however if safety to you as it is to me is paramount then what I'm about to present to you will be as important as baa baa baa baa so when you argue against your own argument it's a great way to start off it engages people and it in the end remember it's all about the odds in the end if you do these four things that we're about to talk about that was one of them it increases the odds that people will do whatever it is you're asking them to do so the number two thing is provide specific numbers for example many of us will say things such as let's say that I begin by saying by the time we finish this present over two million people will have looked for a local pizza parlor using their cell phone if instead I were to say something more along the lines of by the time this presentation is over over 1 million six hundred ninety five thousand five hundred and seventy two people will have looked for a local pizza parlor using their cell phone that tends to grab people's attention more and be more convincing furthermore many people will say at the beginning of their presentations things such as I have been in this business for 15 years or I have been working in the accounting department for over ten years and what I have found is that is not as powerful as saying according to a recent Stanford University study over 16% of the yada yada yada or according to the recent Guinness Book of World Records over 675 people have gathered together to do the Thriller dance in the chapala IKEA malecon if you say things that other people have researched it is much more powerful than stating what you have found or what expertise you have people are actually more likely to see you as an expert if instead of citing your own research you cite that up others and the final thing is don't be too perfect many people open and then close and all throughout the presentation they're focused on being perfect they're focused on sounding like the presenter that they've heard before or they're so concerned with being perfect they're not authentic and no matter how perfect you are it will never it can never get the results that being authentic can get so don't worry so much about your actual de meat and bones and details of your presentation and I really mean that when you instead know what it is that you're talking about and focus on I'm going to reveal myself to the people in the seats I'm going to be authentic I'm going to let them see me and my passion and my spirit and who I am the good the bad and the ugly I'm going to let it all out there and that's what you focus on rather than being perfect it is so much more effective you know remember that we are in a society of reality television YouTube videos are much more popular than scripted television videos why we want to see reality we are desperate to see real people doing real things rather than scripted presentations or television shows and remember that okay questions we talked about those at the beginning are things you can weave in throughout your entire presentation or anytime you're talking to a customer or a co-worker and when you say things instead of when you use the verbal patterns yep but up but up doesn't it that's what don't you think it can be more powerful if you do that more consistently than if you were to say don't you think that yada yada yada aren't you bla bla bla bla bla remember that when you're giving a presentation at least every three minutes or so you want to say something that triggers your audience be it Condor people or one person or a thousand people to say out loud or in their brain yes or answer the question along with you and when you say something even if it's very simple such as now that's powerful don't you think or that's something to think about wouldn't you agree or that information is quite compelling wouldn't you say when you say things like that you know don't you think wouldn't you agree aren't you isn't it it gets people to go along with you as opposed to talking and talking and talking and presenting information without stopping every few minutes to say to someone when I say someone you should be speaking to a group almost the exact same ways you would be speaking to one person that conveys authenticity and if you were speaking to one person for a long period of time it is more natural for us to pause every now and say don't you think isn't it are you with me and when you do that as you're presenting to one or more people it gets people more engaged and speaking of engaging remember that body language is a huge part of your message depending on what you read these days they say depending on what source you're reading from that body language is anywhere from half of the message to almost the entire message and we all know that that's true body language is a big deal today but not many people have strategies for body language and so when you are delivering a message I'm going to talk about some specific things that you can do to visually convey the message because remember that people from the moment we are born are able to interpret body language we do not need to be taught what something means we instinctively know what it means our brains are hard our brain is hardwired to interpret body language correctly and many times the message that we are sending is we want to verbally everyone to connect with somebody we want to show them that we're listening but if you're more of a left brainer it's not natural for you to tilt your head as I'm doing now to the left so if you find that you're somebody who can be intimidating has trouble being empathetic then you might want to focus on tilting your head to the left or to the right as you're listening to someone because that simply conveys I'm listening I'm engaged I'm empathetic I'm thinking I'm questioning many men we have trouble nodding as people are speaking if we don't agree with them because when a man nods his head we tend to be saying yes I agree with you when a woman nods her head and I know I generalized not all women know the same men are the same but men tend to be saying I agree with you women tend to be saying I'm listening to you and those are very different messages right so if you tilt your head to the side as you nod it's not saying I agree with you it is saying I'm engaged with you right so tilting your head to the side can show I'm engaged I'm empathetic I'm listening without saying I agree with you and if you're more of a left brainer chances are do this right now tilt your head to the side if that is uncomfortable for you it means you need to practice this more and when you want to be persuasive when you want people to listen to your message and if forget everything else remember just one thing remember that as you state the thing that you'd like them to remember if you can put your hands in a steeple position and then when you're delivering the message like let's say that someone were to ask me dan what's the one thing about you that you'd like us to know before you leave this interview and I were to say well remember that if I'm brought on board to this company I invest a lot of my communication skills and that's important because not only will I bring those skills with me but I also believe a lot in lifelong learning and education and it's something that I believe in teaching people so I'd be happy to share what I have learned with the entire team here so that everybody can improve his or her communication skills and when you deliver the message that you really want them to remember like I want you to remember hey it's not just me everyone will benefit from my skills as you say it you give people the Steep boat with the tilt people will if they just remember one thing be more likely to remember the message that you sent excuse me with the bike I had to recently plug it in they will remember the message that you send as you deliver this depot in addition and I'm doing this level up a little out of order I apologize when you want to connect speaking of the microphone when you want to connect with people remember that visual barriers create communication barriers so when you if I were to I had to specifically try to find a way to put this beneath me so that there were no barriers between you and me because watch if I were to move this up like this or if I were to stand behind a podium visual barriers create communication barriers so try to remove everything that you possibly can it might stand in the way of you and the person or people with whom you are communicating many people back in the 80s especially who excuse me many people we got into the habit of actually creating barriers because that was the status quo of the day where we wanted to show if I'm the boss this is where I said that is where you sit and I put things in front of me but things have changed and the more barriers you can remove but physically and visually the more barriers you will remove communication wise and if you want to show somebody I am telling you everything that I know remember palms up forward shows I'm letting you know everything that I know that's all I know if you ever watch cops I love it because people will say on cops I don't know I'm telling you everything that I know I don't know anymore and they bring their hands together because they're really thinking and saying oh I'm holding this back hope I don't let it go so we know this and this says I'm telling you everything that I know when you want people to know I'm not just whistling Dixie here I'm telling you what I know because of research and study remember that when you are holding us invisible stack of books like this so they don't hit the ground saying to somebody this is the route you should take in doing this with your hands is going to be more convincing and they will think more hmm well you know since he's studied and researched it I believe him then they would if you were to simply say I believe this is the right choice for you our hands doing this says I've done the research and people are more likely to believe that you have and the final thing I wanted to talk about is and the final thing is the vocal technique many of us have trouble emphasizing a point for example we get to a part of our presentation where we think oh my gosh this is super important and I haven't really led up to it what can I do to emphasize points or maybe you're a fast talker as I am remember that anytime you want to emphasize a point when you get to that point if you simply pause that emphasizes the point and that is called a pregnant pause when you stop before you say something and insert to pause that's longer than a regular pause that is called a pregnant pause and when someone asks you a question either it's it could be a customer at work it could be your boss or it could be someone during a presentation you'll notice that polished presenters and polished customer service representatives always use a three-step process step number one they verify the question for example Oh John that's a good question let me see if I got it correct because remember we don't want to say let me see it for her but you said it's all about oh alright let me see if I understand the question correctly your question is and you repeat it step number two is you either want to answer it you know John let me see if I understand you correctly let's say that somebody were to ask me during my presentation can you tell me where you got the statistic about servers touching their customers make more money if I were to say oh okay let me make sure I have it clear you want to know the source that I'm citing when I use the specific example of servers who use haptics make more money and tips and servers who don't is that correct yes it is alright now if I can give you the answer right there then I'll give you the answer sure you can look that up in the server's guide to making more money or if you don't have the answer a simple speech pattern such as I do not have that answer off the top of my head but I will get the answer for you and send it to you by the end of the day it's alright or if it's a customer you know I don't have the solution to that right now but I will find the solution and provide it to you by the end of the day is that okay I want to use the same word once and then again for example I don't have that answer but I will find the answer and get it to you or you know the first time I've announced that and although I do not have the solution I will find the solution and get back to you within a few minutes is that alright with you when you use the same word I don't have the answer to your question I don't have that size on hand but I will find someone who does have that size and make sure to get it up to your room by the end of the day would that work for you when you use the word once and then use it again people will be more confident that ok you do not have the answer the solution or the product offhand but you will get me that answer product solution right away and then finally you want to confirm that you have solved the problem all right will that work for you is a simple confirmation or did I answer your question is a simple confirmation but those are the three steps I want to confirm that I'm getting a right that's step number one step number two is answer the question or use a verbal pattern that says it once that says it again whether it's answer solution product that you're going to be providing and then step number three confirm that you're all done and we talked a little bit about three part verbal patterns three part verbal patterns are very powerful because there's something about the number three that resonates with human beings and the feel felt found takes three psychological concepts and helps you articulate them when responding to objections so the feel felt found incorporates these three psychological maneuvers when somebody objects to whatever it is that you're presenting step number one is you always want to validate them and to validate someone can be as simple I can appreciate why you would see it that way I can appreciate why you might feel that I understand why you would think that that is the feel step number two you want to generalize which means I'm gonna let you know you are not alone other people have been in the dark where you are right now but I brought them to the light as I'm about to bring you enough that's the generalizing when you hear people talk in a communication sense about generalizing that's letting you know you're not alone I thought that wants to I felt that way once as well I saw it that way once myself and then step number three is you want to respond however what I have found is or however now that I've seen it work for others I believe it had worked for you the same way or however now I believe that it can solve our problem just the way it's solved other people's problems that's a lot to remember right to validate and generalize and then respond it's not a lot if you practice the field belt found I can appreciate white feel that way I'll just uh felt the same way in the past however what I have found is remember I can appreciate I can appreciate how you feel that way others have felt the same way in the past however what I have found is you don't need to use the exact words feel felt found some people use the thing thought believe I can understand why you think that you know I thought the same thing ones however I believe now after having done the research that it will work for you just as it's worked for me some people might use the seesaw scene I can understand why you might see it that way because I saw it the same way myself when I was first introduced to this but I have seen it work for me and believe it will work for you the same way if you could just give it a chance would you give me the chance when you remember use the phrase if you can just give me a chance or if you can just give it a chance if you can just give that a chance if you can just give me a chance to show you that phrase if you can just give me a chance or a version of it transformed FedEx overnight if it can transform FedEx it can transform your communication success when dealing with customers especially in a difficult situation where you need someone to just give you a chance so remember those types of verbal patterns like the feel felt found the seesaw scene those are things you want to practice and my suggestion is always to use a simple flash card and then listen to this as an audio review watch it as a video review but you want to practice it in no risk situations so that when you need to throw out a well John I can understand what you might feel that way because I spoke to three clients yesterday who felt the same way until they gave his product chance and once they did they saw it worked for them and I believe that if you can just give it a chance it'll work for you the same way would you give it a chance when you can throw out feel felt found like that it's powerful because not only are you incorporating the psychological maneuvers that we talked about but you're responding you're not left without words you're not stammering and stuttering you're confident in your communication when you have the skills and the secret confession Weber is not so much a quick verbal pattern but remember those with whom you share bonds you also share secrets and those with whom you share bonds you also share things about yourself that you're not very proud of and remember that when you're bonded with somebody you do them favors and they do you favors however in World War two when the Japanese would capture American soldiers they got more than ever before in history American soldiers to bond with them because they used the simple 3-step process of tell a secret make a confession ask a favor for example are you probably in when we were together live I mentioned some things such as you know when you go into Best Buy you'll hear many people say things such as let me tell you a secret see those two televisions over there they're pretty much the same except the cheaper one is actually the newer one and the reason it's cheaper is because it's simply more inexpensive to create this type of technology now the more expensive version is actually the older version because it used to cost more in fact I have to confess if I were to choose one of those televisions I would get the cheaper one it's cheaper it's newer and it's better but do me a favor don't tell my boss I told you that and don't tell anybody else here and when you hear things like that even if you know they're going through the 3-step secret confession behavior maneuver you can't help but respect it it says it's as if when you go into a store if you're in a different country and everybody's struggling to speak English and all of a sudden somebody comes in and starts speaking English they may have an accent but they're speaking perfectly you think all what a relief somebody who can speak in my language that's what it's like when all of a sudden you recognize Oh you're delivering a feel felt bound or a think about believe or a secret confession favor oh you've really invested a lot I now trust you more you have invested in communicating effectively with me and that's what these types of things do if by the way you're concerned that somebody will you know find you out because I get that a lot it's like what we're talking about style stepping remember that we talked about style stepping for personality types for different love languages but you can also style step for simple learning styles in a presentation whether it's one-on-one or a group you want to make sure that not only are you incorporating the styles of the driver the amiable the analytical and the expressive but you also want to make sure that you're delivering information in an auditory way that's interesting you know using the tactics that we talked about today use your punch Packers use different tones of voice use sound effects if you possibly can but some people like to learn in an auditory way so when you're speaking invest in your auditory there invest in your territory skills some people prefer to learn by seeing so make sure that they have something in my presentations for example I go really light on the PowerPoint because that tends to set you up for failure but some people like to see the words I do and so having a handout or having some visual aid having a board that you can write on is going to help those who are visual connect more with the information those who are kinesthetic want to fill in a blank here and there they want to work with the material they want practice materials for example they want to work with the information lets them and the read and writers want to for example go through the information afterwards and take notes they want to read flashcards and I hope that I'm providing all of that to you for those of you who are more auditory or visual kinesthetic or more of a reader and writer I try to provide through the course of our training together something that will help you learn the way you want to learn because it's going back to the Platinum rule again teach people the way they want to be taught train people the way they would like to be trained speak to people the way they would like to be spoken to and finally remember that when you are telling people what you would like them to do if you're giving a presentation don't forget that when you close your presentation you want to tell people what to do if a call for action and the two parts of a action call that many people miss are number one you want to tell people specifically what to do and then specifically when for example many times at the end of a presentation people will say things such as well I thank you all for your time and I hope to hear from you soon let's say that my presentation is on I would like my neighbor's I'm at a community meeting and I would like my neighbors to sign up for the neighborhood watch program I do not want to end with something as most people do as such as well thank you everybody for your time and I hope to hear from you while soon no what do you want people to do so on your way out remember before you leave there's a sign-up form right next to that yellow box put your name on it and the hours that you're available and stick it in that box so that we can get you on the schedule right away and help make our neighborhood is safe for one thank you everybody tell people exactly what to do and exactly when on your way out do this and stick on the box before you go or if you're talking to your boss at work for your convenience and quick reference I put my email at the bottom of your handout today so I look forward to hearing from you and hearing what your response to this presentation is by the end of the day so unless there's nothing else I look forward to your email by five o'clock sound good and when people have a specific instruction by a specific timeframe now your boss might be like yeah okay and then flick later on whatever however remember that you can never predict one person's behavior you can always predict a hundred people's behavior what I mean by that is we were talking about numbers I might not be able to predict if I were to give people four apples which Apple one person will choose you never know at all however if I offer a hundred people a plate of apples with four apples on it I will guarantee you that sixty percent of people will choose Apple number three that's the way it goes but you can't predict one person's behavior some person that you deliver information to and at the end you give them a correct action call some people might not do it do it every time and over the long term you will get more success from your presentations than people who just kind of wing it every time and speaking of those those numbers I wanted to leave you with a couple of thoughts remember that when presenting an idea most people want to object to your proposal they want to project something new being presented to them let them give them the opportunity if you can possibly avoid saying I have the solution for you avoid it and instead say I have some solutions for you I have a few answers I have a few proposals for you here's number one here's number two be prepared for them to go with either number one or two and here's number three even if you just really have one remember that when you look at anything done by professional communicators brochures tracks on your CDs if they still make those ah your cell phone plan options plan number three track number three is always highlighted why because we gravitate towards number three why because we want to have at least two chances to say ah no and then we feel better and we're more likely to open up to option number three so when you're presenting that is a great tactic that anyone can use it requires no verbal skills just remember placement sometimes is everything and as they quick I'll say preview to dealing with difficult people remember that when you are dealing with someone who is out of control emotionally whether it's right during your presentation or it's a customer at work or your boss or a co-worker employee many of us who are left brainers we tend to when we're dealing with somebody who's out of control emotionally shutdown thinking that that will more quickly get them to shut down and it's the opposite you want to match someone's level of emotion with a different emotion when they're out of control so very angry oh you might be very inquisitive or if somebody's very upset you might be very apologetic apologetic but you want to match the level of emotion with a different emotion and that right there helps you speak to the right hand side of the brain they people are coming from and need to be spoken to when they are emotionally out of control however if you don't have tools such as your personal compass fallback phrases ganger phrases power phrases verbal tactics freestyle scripts as we've been talking about today we tend to say crazy things you know that reflects not us but then we tend to react rather than respond that is normally what the average unpolished professional communicator might do not you because the three things that you will always remember and we'll get into the specifics during our next dealing with difficult people webinar number one don't take the bait number two remember what gets rewarded gets repeated if you're dealing with a cycle of difficult behavior for example most people will say you know down every time so and so does this here's what happens or Oh so-and-so is always coming into my office and sucking my time every time I talk to them here's what they say they're always being negative that is about you the first time someone engages in behavior that's unacceptable around you that's about them the tenth time they do it that is about you because what gets rewarded gets repeated and what we many times need to learn is not how to combat difficult behavior how to simply stop rewarding it because we're doing it in many ways that we're not even aware of and many of us have lacked confidence in our own communication skills and so when we respond to somebody and they react back to us we'll start to thinking up new ways to respond don't do that remember there's very little that is more powerful than repeating yourself when you just said what you meant to say see most people were just our natural tendency is first thing into the brain the first thing out of the mouth we react not you you're a polished communicator you know what you're saying therefore repeating it again is very powerful and that is called the broken record when you learn how to speak with intention to begin with you can more effectively and more frequently use and more powerfully use the broken record so with all of that said I look forward to seeing you at our next webinar where the next live event remember until we meet again live there are a few different ways to keep this training going you can stop by our store at store dan oconnor training comm and I have a discount code for you at the end of this where you'll find different audios and videos and books and many resources to help you or your entire team because these are great resources for trainers they have things like tests and flash 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your group just contact me at Dan at dan o'connor training com and I will always find a way to get you what you need while working within your budget speaking of your budget take this coupon it's a $50 basically voucher for being with me here today and you can use that to buy anything you want in the store it can even be for a purchase under 50 bucks which means it would be free so any instant download I should say that's in the store feel free to apply this towards that and I hope that you enjoy whatever it is that you purchase to help keep this information going there's a lot there for under 50 bucks and if you need anything more make sure to write me Dan at power tubers they're 10 at dan oconnor training com stop by our website youtube stop by live events have me in I look forward to seeing everybody again really soon I appreciate all of you being with me at today's event I'm going to answer a live question and answer session right now but for those of you who will not be there I hope to hear from you or see you again in the future so thank you everybody so much for your participation I hope to see you again really soon this is Dan O'Connor sliding up

Channel: Online Communication Skills Training Courses

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Keywords: free communication training videos, free communication classes, free communication classes online, free online communication courses, free communication courses online, powerful communication at work, free communication skills training courses online, business communication courses online, online business communication courses, dan o'connor communication, Online communication training, communication courses online, power phrases for work, business communication training videos

Id: 9en728bmHeQ

Length: 82min 19sec (4939 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 07 2015