Dumper's Remorse and Getting Your Ex Back

this is coach Lee and I'm going to talk to you today about dumpers remorse and so the question is what is dumpers remorse take a quick second and click the subscribe button below so that you can be notified when I have more information that's helpful to your situation and that doesn't just include breakups that includes attraction mindfulness relationship dynamics and marriage so dumpers remorse is similar to buyer's remorse have you ever bought something and then the next day or two or three days later you regret it because you have this thing with you and it's becoming reality and the shininess is gone as they used to say the new has been worn off and so you have to sit with your decision which means you are out that money or maybe you've committed to paying monthly payments for years and years and you don't like that I did too much in some ways you kind of feel like now it's a burden like it's a tax and so you're not happy with your decision anymore and so you have remorse or regret that you made that decision the key is that you've got the item home that you bought and you had to live with it it was off the shelf now it was no longer that shiny car on the lot or that video game on the rack or whatever it is now it's something in your home that you have it's your possession you own it and that's when you learn if you can really do without it or not you learn if the idea of having it was actually more appealing than actually having it and the same is true when someone breaks up with you they can't know for sure they want the break-up until they experience the true consequences because a breakup is by definition that you two are no longer in the relationship that you had and some people try to be friends some people try to keep some sort of contact but it's usually a very difficult thing and so what really has to happen is that for the person to know if they really want the break-up they have to experience it and that's where it's amazing how so many people that I speak to when they give their ex the break-up just surrender give it to them don't try to fight to get them back don't beg don't plead don't send flowers don't send cards when the break-up is given the dumper often experiences remorse because they have to live with it now like the item that I mentioned before it's no longer this object up on the shelf that they sit there and imagine having so they imagined being free being able to date whoever they wanted which if you remember the Eagles song the singer says freedom is just some people talking your prison is walking this world all alone and most people realize that now if the relationship was just awful and there was lots of yelling and fighting and bickering and strife then loneliness or at least just being away from this person might be just as appealing as finding another relationship or moving on or having freedom to date whoever in their mind and so that's where it's important that the relationship was good if it wasn't good I hate to tell you but your odds to go down but most of the time if it's a long-term relationship there was something valuable and something good to them or they wouldn't be in the relationship with you in the first place so the way to make your ex regret it to fill that dumpers remorse is to give them the break-up that means they have to lose the ability to expect you to reach out they have to know that at one point you wanted the relationship and maybe right as they were breaking up with you you gave some push back and you said I don't agree I think we're great together I love you that kind of thing that's okay that's a good thing because they know at one point you wanted it and that's where it sets it up with where they are not hearing from you and so now they're wondering if you still want they know you did but now your behavior is suggesting that maybe you don't and that's where as I mentioned in my other videos mystery is so much more powerful than having the answer have you ever tried to think of a word and you maybe even have some friends in on it and you're saying no it's that word it's right on the tip of my tongue what is it and it just drives you crazy and you'll sit there for hours sometimes but even while you're doing these other things you were trying to remember that word that one silly word or the name of that restaurant in the name of that band and it's driving you crazy but then when either you search it and find it online or it comes to you you get relief and it's calming and your mind is not preoccupied anymore and you can move on to other things and that's where when we get a little bit of dumpers remorse and you combine that with mystery where they're not hearing from you you're not posting sad memes on social media you're not going to their friends and telling them how miserable you are they are not hearing from you so they don't know for sure if you still want them or if you've gotten over it and just moved on that mystery combined with remorse where they're having to experience life without you and it's not quite as good as they thought they miss you they miss the company and sometimes it starts just that simply where they just missed the company but you know what because you are a unique person you are your own person there are other factors involved and that can be the starting point to where they miss you deeply they miss special things about you they have memories about the two of you and those come flooding in and they realize they have given up something wonderful and so the idea of the breakup in concept seems seemed great to them it seemed like that's what they wanted but now they have learned because you have been in no contact and I will link to my videos on no contact in the description below or you can search my channel for those but because you have been in no contact and you have given them the break-up because that's what they said they wanted and sometimes you have to let them experience it to see that they don't and if that's what you did then it's no longer a concept they have had to own it and now only now can they really know if they want it or not and so many times they realize they didn't want it now if you stay in contact and you pester and you try to keep the channels of contact open and things like that that people will say you actually make it to where they don't ever get to feel that remorse because they don't truly feel all the consequences they don't have to feel your absence they don't get to miss you they don't get to wonder about you which is so so important that they wonder about you that there's some mystery there give them something to think about if you leave them alone even though it's difficult and you will experience sorrow you will experience anxiety just know that that is what we want them to feel as well because you feel the loss we need them to feel the loss and the only way that can happen is if you leave them alone give them the break-up and let them feel the remorse so if you're in no contact stay strong I have another video called trust no contact I have another video called encouragement during no contact it's very helpful to you if you want to look that up and watch it I also have my emergency breakup kit and I have a link to that in the description below it gives you lots of great strategies to get your ex back things to do during no contact some more information on no contact they talked about what to do if your ex reaches out to you because that's actually the number one problem the number one question I even get the comments on YouTube what do I do when my ex reaches out to me while I'm in no contact what do I say should I take the call should I answer the text should I suggest we get together should I wait for them and then how should I act how should I behave should I be cold should I tell them I want them back all kinds of questions and I get to that in my emergency breakup kit in great detail and you can get more information on my emergency breakup kit in the link in the description below and you can visit my website my ex back coach calm that's my ex back coach calm for tons of free articles and information on your ex back and surviving a breakup this has been coach Lee please click the subscribe button below so you can be notified when I have more content that's helpful to your situation as always thank you for watching [Music] you

Channel: Coach Lee

Views: 237,972

Keywords: dumper's remorse, dumper's regret, dumper after breakup, coach lee, breakup regret

Id: 8qll1qPYhfg

Length: 9min 13sec (553 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 04 2019