My Interview With Your Ex. Coach Lee Interviews Your Ex.

this is coach lee and i'm going to interview your ex you probably didn't even know we were friends seriously though i have spoken with so many people who broke up with their ex and want to get back together with them and so i feel like i could do an interview with your ex now obviously i'm going to have to generalize because i can't speak to millions and millions or even billions of individuals but i can recognize patterns and give you that information and hopefully it will help and so i am going to share with you the seven main points that your ex made in our interview first thing they told me was that they know it's their place to reach out to you because they did the dumping they get that the ball is in their court and that's a major concern of people who have been dumped a lot of you will ask but do they think i should be the one to reach out do they think i should be the one to try to reunite this thing the only time that's really going to be something that's confusing to your ex is going to be when you did something that caused the breakup and i mean something serious like you cheated there was a terrible fight and you said some awful things or you did something else that basically made your ex pull away quickly in that case your ex might assume that you should be the one to reach out to try to fix this otherwise they get that since they were the one who broke up with you that you should be the one to allow them to fix it they should be the one to have to make the effort to fix this you shouldn't have to fix what they broke so they get that and they tell me that as a matter of fact they will say those exact words i realize it's my place to reach out or i realize it's my place to make amends so take that worry off your table that there's probably not confusion about that unless you have done something very bad number two your ex told me that they worry you won't take them back okay so i speak to these people who want to get back with their ex after they broke up with them and their concern is is he angry at me is she going to say forget it will they even talk to me so they are concerned about these things and so you realize why so many times in my videos i say don't ignore your ex when they reach out because you've won basically you have gotten them to the point where they have reached out to you you've gotten what you want why would you throw it away and i realize that some other coaches will tell you to ignore them but what i'm saying is is that it's sort of like a self-fulfilling prophecy because they will say to themselves i don't think they want to talk to me anyway or they'll say i guess it's really over it's discouraging it will make them think twice or three times before contacting you again they will try to talk themselves out of it because who wants to be ignored who wants to feel that rejection they will just likely think it's over and that you've moved on you don't want to talk to them so what's the point and they will hurt privately and try to get over this thing now again i'm speaking in generalities but i'm thinking it's somewhere around 85 percent or more that when you ignore them that it doesn't work and unfortunately i have had people comment even on this channel or they've told me in an email or mentioned it to me your coach can or coach rex in a coaching call and they've said i didn't know i wasn't supposed to ignore them i took the advice of another coach i ignored them i never heard from them again and it's because they think you don't want to talk to them so why would they try they might love you they might want to get back together but people will only hit themselves in the head so many times and they will just think there's no point i'm going to hurt anyway why make it worse i'll just try to get over them so again let me encourage you when they reach out to you you don't have to tell them oh i've missed you so much i'm so glad you've reached out to me as a matter of fact i don't suggest you do that at all i suggest you be casual and polite but they at least need to know you'll talk to them because they're trying to get themselves to a place where they can ask you to get back together or meet face to face but they want to see if you're even open to it because for example if they contact you and you respond with leave me alone jerk they know that asking you to meet up is probably not a good idea but if they reach out to you and you're at least polite you at least talk to them then they can ask you to get face to face but most people if they're normal are going to test the water to some degree and that's what these other coaches don't seem to get they seem to not have the number of calls and sessions and experience to be able to say and they don't understand that this person may have every intention of getting back together with you but that they are going to test the water just a little bit before they make a fool of themselves that is the most reasonable thing i can say about it and i don't get why there's disagreement about this don't ignore your ex if they reach out unless of course you don't want them back and which by all means don't respond before i get to number three take a quick second and subscribe to this channel so you can be notified when i have more videos like this that can help you get your ex back help you have stronger relationships help you overcome anxiety have better life number three your ex told me that no contact made them reconsider and i've heard this a lot they'll say something like i didn't hear from them i don't know what's going on with them so i only hope that they haven't moved on but at least made me think maybe i'm making a mistake which is the reason in my videos that i tell you that no contact will actually make them have to think this through and wonder if they've really made the right decision i tell you these things because i hear them i see them and that's what exes say most of the time they haven't heard of anything called a no contact rule they just say i haven't heard from them they haven't tried to contact me they haven't reached out they're not trying to get me back they'll say things like that and they tell me that it impacts them that they reconsider because all of a sudden their actions have consequences if you're still contacting them still trying to get them back still pursuing them their actions don't have consequences they didn't lose you you're right there but when they don't hear from you they have to consider that their actions could cause them to lose you yes they should have thought of that before i totally get you there but they didn't most people don't know what things will feel like and how it will impact them until they actually experience it that's why it's so important to give them the breakup and let them experience it the fourth thing your ex told me was that they worry that they messed it up in other words it's not just they think well maybe you won't take them back they fear that they have messed up the relationship going forward and so that's why a lot of times these things can fade out is that it's like again another self-fulfilling prophecy because they get back into the relationship with you things seem to be going okay but they start to think if i messed it up it's going to be difficult or they see signs or things fade just a little bit and they just assume well yeah i messed it up it's beyond repair so i might as well leave again and that's why i really focus on this a lot in my emergency breakup kit but that you should focus more on experiences together having a good time together a meaningful time together and keeping things light rather than talk about the relationship and the negatives and just keep going through it over and over because the two of you after the breakup you really need an emotional break where you can have peace together where things can just be easy where conversation can happen and it's not going to be negative and depressing but it's going to be a positive experience and that's why it's important plan things to do together lead the other person in the process of getting back together with you in that once they have come to you once they've said they want to get back together and you two are doing this thing again you need to either allow them to lead as it was before or you need to be the leader in terms of planning dates that are going to be great experiences and put you to in the situation to where things can blossom things can be more likely to result in good conversations positive experiences laughter and all that kind of thing so keep that in mind that if you keep bringing up the breakup and the relationship and why did you do this and you know this is a negative and all that that it could be that they see that as well they messed it up and they might as well forget about it and break up with you again there will be a time to talk about it and you should but keep it to a minimum talk about it a little bit reach a mutual understanding or not sometimes you just don't let it go and focus more on experiencing things together living life together and having a good time together that's how feelings and attraction are rebuilt number five is very important your ex wants to be sure and what i mean by that is is that they don't want to get back in the relationship with you and then have to break up again they don't want to put you through that they don't want to put themselves through that they don't want the awkwardness of it they don't want to waste your time or their time they don't want to have to go through this again and so they want to be sure and so that will sometimes result in a delay so a lot of times people will say i don't understand my ex seems like they miss me i don't know why they're not contacting me i don't know why they haven't said let's get back together even when they start reaching out to you they will want to be sure and that's why i tell you to keep it light and to keep it polite have a little bit of fun with them show them that you're not angry so that they don't fear the punishment because again if they think well i want to get back together with him or her but if i had to break up with them again because i'm not real sure i'll have to go through all that again i'll make them angry at me again i'll have to experience the drama again so don't give them a reason to think that getting back together with you could actually be a punishment if they have to leave and of course you don't want to think about them leaving but what you need to consider here is that they want to be sure because they don't want to go through this again and that's why it's important to be patient to be casual and to not give them a hurdle or negatives that can push them away number six is a question that i get asked a lot in terms of does my ex feel this way and this is what your ex told me they wish that you would contact them does that mean you should do it no it doesn't no it doesn't but yes they want to happen because why because it feeds their ego because it shows them that they have not caused a negative consequence or at least a potential negative consequence in other words if they wanted you back if that at any point became a negative for them they could fix it quickly because you're showing them by contacting them interacting with them that you want them back now at some point you do sort of have nothing to lose and i've talked about that i talk about that in my emergency breakup kit and you can get information about that at myexbackcoach.com and in the link in the description below it's called the emergency breakup kit it's a culmination of my 20 years in the relationship coaching service it can help you get your ex back but i talk about how at some point you don't have anything to lose and you could contact them if you wanted to by default i say try not to but there comes a point and that's another video for another time and i do talk about that in the emergency breakup kit but they want you to contact them because it feels good we all like to feel like the other person's interested in us and there's a time and place for that that's why i tell people don't play hard to get you shouldn't be super easy to get either but if you play hard to get it will be hard for them to want you and people have to learn that the hard way because hollywood and these other people who like little jingles and little cliches and like to sound deep will say hard to get is actually a good thing and that it works it does not but the bottom line is your ex wishes you'd contact them because it feels good it would not help you get them back but it sure would make them feel good and that they're still wanted by you don't fall for it and the number seven thing that your ex said in an interview was that they miss you and they often tell me that they started missing the other person as little as a few days after the breakup because unless they hate you because you've done something awful to them even if their feelings for you have faded they still miss you to some degree and you staying quiet and you staying away is only going to make that stronger within them and make them more likely to reconsider for no contact to impact them more and for them to reach out to you and to see if you want to get back together this has been coach lee thanks for watching

Channel: Coach Lee

Views: 103,167

Keywords: interview with ex, my interview with your ex, interview with my ex, coach lee interviews ex, coach lee

Id: EHlZS2p2D88

Length: 12min 39sec (759 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 27 2022