How Long Does It Take To Get My Ex Back?

[Music] this is coach Lee and I'm going to talk to you about how long it takes to get your ex back now obviously I'm not talking about every situation and it's difficult to put a day on it but I'm gonna give you a good picture to give you some comfort and knowing if you're ahead of schedule or behind schedule and how all that works take a second and click the subscribe button below so that you can be notified when I have more content it's helpful to your situation and that includes attraction and relationships in general not just breakups so I speak to people on the phone who have been broken up with those are my coaching clients and many times they are in a panic because they've been broken up with they've been dumped and they feel like if they don't need their ex back right now that they are going to lose them and while there is a clock on this in terms of what your ex feels and win if you simply do the right things then you don't have to worry about that that will happen naturally but the biggest thing is is that you need to know that panic and trying to get your ex back right now is actually detrimental to what you're trying to accomplish if your ex feels pressure if your ex feels pressure from you to get back with you right now they are going to move away from you they're gonna be like a turtle going back into a shell they are going to back off and want you to leave them alone as I've mentioned in a lot of my other videos right after the breakup your ex feels relieved because they've gotten it over with no they didn't want to they weren't looking forward to it was not fun for them to break up with you unless they truly have some mental and emotional problems but they knew that they felt like it needed to be done and so they are relieved that they have pushed through and they have actually done it and so any pressure you try to put on them they're going to respond as though they're saying I'm trying to enjoy the relief I'm trying to feel the peace I'm trying to pat myself on the back and get a breather and you're trying to pressure me it's at this point that the person who has been broken up with and the person who did the breaking up are extremely different places polar opposites almost and that's why often times it results in these big emotional angry meet ups or when you reach out to them sometimes respond by saying do not contact me again and they seem mean they seem selfish they seem cold and cruel and it doesn't make any sense to you because this person has been someone who you've cared about and you've cared about you and you feel like that all of a sudden you don't even know them and you want to know what's going on why aren't they acting like this what's changed inside of them and that's simply the result of YouTube being in totally different places and if you try to pressure them in that moment if you try to get back together with them then it is the least effective time for that to happen it is least likely to happen during that timeframe of immediately after the breakup because of what I've already explained the mindset of your ex and I have other videos on that that's called what does my ex thinking dirty no contact or the mind of your ex during no contact and I explained some of this in more detail but basically the worst time to try to get your ex back he's right after the breakup and by saying try to get your ex back I mean that it actually looks like you're pursuing them that's usually the wrong thing to do but it is especially wrong to do right after the breakup and so backing away leaving them alone going into no contact is actually the best thing you can do and I understand the panic that is natural because it feels like you're losing them and I want you to know why you feel that way it's actually because you feel a total loss of control you don't feel that you can control the situation your ex has become unpredictable to you whereas before you felt like you had solid ground and they felt a certain way about you or at least they were gonna keep working on the relationship and trying and being there now the rug has been pulled out from underneath you and you don't know what's going on you don't know how to fix it and you don't have control anymore I'm going to tell you that you actually never did have control and that's a big key here you need to surrender control so difficult and even me saying that you don't like hearing it you don't like me saying surrender you don't like it when I say that you need to let go of your ex give them space back off set them free all those things make you feel badly in your stomach you feel it down there and I get that and I'm going to tell you that the way that you actually have control is by doing your best to control the one person who you do actually control and that's you you can do the most attractive thing that someone can do after a breakup and that is you accept the break-up you give your ex space and time by backing out of their lives graciously and you disappear because during that period of relief you want them to feel it yes you want them to feel relief because they have to get it over with it's a very temporary thing because they're gonna try to move on with their life they're gonna try to move forward and so the first few days they like the silence they like not hearing from you because it makes it easier in terms of them dealing with the break-up and normally I'd tell you we want it to be easy we wanted to be difficult but here's the thing they see you in some ways as an enemy to the breakup which is what they wanted they wanted to come into the room or text you if that's how they did it I'm sorry if they did it that way but they want to be able to walk in and say I want to break up and they really think at least that they want you to say okay cool and just make it super easy on them because they don't want it to be awkward they don't want to feel if they've hurt you they kind of want to get off scot-free with it they don't want to feel any of the consequences and so immediately following the breakup they feel relieved because they've done it and they're kind of patting themselves on the back I did something difficult there it's over with because they hope that whatever they said to you is gonna make you just back away from them and make it easy and that's why they say things like it's not you it's me or they'll say variations of that that actually mean the exact same thing like they'll say I need to work on myself or I don't want to bring you into the problems that I'm having things like that really they don't mean anything they're just trying to say something that you won't argue with they're trying to say something so vague and personal that you really can't have a counter to it and so in that way they think they will get an easy break up and they're dreading it and they do it and I hope you'll just back off and they can say oh good he just backed off she just backed off doesn't this feel nice and really if you do that the relief period only lasts three to five days usually sometimes it can last up to two weeks but if you stay away from them it will happen sooner they will get relief now I understand in every situation you can't stay away from them if you two live together if you have two kids together business together then it's difficult to do it's not just snapping a finger and you disappearing but if you refuse to allow yourself to talk about the relationship because there's nothing to say at this point it's way too early for them to have a change of heart and even if you want to discuss the issues that were in the relationship your ex is not in the mind frame to discuss it right now because number one they are still happy that they did the break-up they they're happy together with they are relieved so they're not feeling any pressure to try to fix anything they don't want to fixed they want it broken and so you can't talk to them in that moment you have to wait for the opportune moment that's why it's so important to back away because when they come back to you when they reach out to you which most often they will that's when you know they are ready to interact with you they are missing you they are seeing that that place you've filled in their lives is now empty and that they're not hearing from you and they're not liking it that's when you know they're actually in a mindset to talk to you and that the relief period is over with that's when they're far more receptive and when the issues are far less likely to keep them away from you because they're missing you therefore they are attracted to you in some degree that's when the issues can be minimized in their mind and so it's very important that you wait for the right moment to speak to them and that would be when they reach out to you now the title of this video is how long will it take to get my ex back sometimes it can take a long time sometimes the road is long sometimes it takes months sometimes it might even take years I know you don't want to hear that don't worry I'm not going to make this video into something depressing or frustrating but what I'm telling you is and I want this to encourage you is that you don't have to get your ex back right now in order to get them back now that is dependent on your doing the right things which is to go in to no contact and work on yourself that way you can capitalize on what we know about someone's mind after a breakup and so that is when things work to your favor if you keep pursuing keep begging keep pleading keep trying to have relationship talks with your ex right after the breakup that's when you actually risk losing them and when the clock starts ticking in ways that hurt you when you're on the clock in terms of permanently losing them or at least risking it even at that even if you mess everything up the road is still very long as long as the two of you are still here are still alive there's the possibility of you getting back together there's a possibility of them looking back at the relationship missing you and wanting to get back together so that always exists the door never truly 100% closes now if they get married that's a closed door if they pass away god forbid that's a closed door but otherwise the possibility always exists and if you were good to them in the relationship you did a lot of the right things even if you did some wrong things if the relationship was good the odds exist and are really even in your favor that you can get back together with them but a lot of the techniques that I discussed they take to work and that's really the only thing that does work is no contact time and letting your ex go through these stages that I've mentioned in some of my other videos like relief and then they become curious about you why are you not reaching out to them because they expect you to and their ego takes a little bit of a shot because they wanted you to chase them you see in that moment when they broke up with you they felt tremendously attractive because they were the one rejecting you they were the one telling you they were better than you they were the one telling you in some ways that they felt that they were higher value than you and that in some ways is what a breakup is you feel when you break up with someone that your value is more than theirs and I know that's harsh to hear and they wouldn't put that into words that way they wouldn't tell you that but that's kind of the feeling they feel like maybe there is someone out there whose value equals theirs or exceeds it and they feel that that's not you difficult to hear I know again it's a feeling they're not thinking these words about you and they might not even realize that's exactly what's going on they just know that they don't feel the same level of attraction for you that they did but that could change and time is very powerful in helping that to happen because your ex can reflect on the relationship itself and if after the breakup you don't chase them it pulls them off of cloud nine of feeling like their values higher than yours because if you don't chase them what you're actually showing them is that you do feel that your value is the same and that there's no need to chase them because if they want to come back to you great if not you feel you have other options or at least you don't feel like you have to chase them you feel like your value stands on its own and so that rush that they feel up to the breakup where they are relieved they also feel pretty attractive like they're the one that they they dismissed you you wanted to get back together you wanted to stay together and they dismissed you that feeling of being very attractive and more to the new begins to fall when you don't chase them and so that's what makes them curious why is she not chasing me why is he not chasing me because they expected you to and they kind of wanted you to they wanted to feel like they were that attractive person who was dismissing you again harsh to hear and you may be thinking no no that can't be because we were so close he was so warm she was so warmth toward me I get that but things change when they start feeling less attracted to you then they can appear cold sometimes because they they're trying to get past this they're trying to move on and so when you don't chase it brings them down a little bit and it helps them get out of that relief period of my curious as to what you're doing and if they see that you're not chasing then they realize that there is the very real possibility that you could move on because because of the fact that they were the one who did the breakup they feel like you're basically right there waiting that they could get you back because they're the ones who dismissed you and so it'd be an easy thing to just say nope I call off the break-up let's get back together because they know you wanted to stay together and when you don't chase it's sort of begins to erase the Mirage a little bit it shakes their world their perception a little bit because they begin to think that maybe it's not that simple whereas they felt like they were the higher-value person because they broke up with you and therefore they could just change the terms again and get you back now they begin to wonder if that's the case and that's when they have to experience the reality of the break-up that's when they become curious why you're not reaching out and if they see that you are not chasing that you are quiet and that you're acting as though you're ok with the break-up then they begin to be concerned because they realize you were strong enough to move on that you could move on that it's a possibility because a lot of times especially if you continue to beg and plead they feel like you can't move on this will be damage to you for a long time to come months or even years and so they're mine even though again this is not something they could put into words they kind of feel that if they ever change their minds that you're there waiting there's absolutely no pressure on them to come back to you but if they feel that you could move on then they have to make certain they made the right decision and that can cause them to doubt and if they doubt it it begins to be a slippery slope in terms of them wanting to reach out to you and fill your presence because if they doubt it and they look back in the relationship and they're trying to see if they made the right decision and they remember some of those good times it's perfect as far as the timing goes for them to experience separation anxiety and miss you because if you the relationship was good and at one point they wanted to be with you then they can want that again they can feel that again and if your value goes up because you're not chasing them that's kind of what we wanted to begin with the reason they were breaking up with you is they thought your value went down and when I say value I don't mean monetarily I just mean in terms of attraction which can be emotional intellectual physical that value in you they saw going down and sometimes that can be because you're not getting along because you're arguing because there's a long distance relationship and because attraction Falls a little bit they don't want to deal with that anymore it's a complex rubik's cube of possibilities but it all centers around your value in their eyes and if you don't chase them then you do not let them feel that they are far more valuable than you and they begin to come back down to earth this process does take some time and they may go through periods of time where they're just not sure they might miss you but it's not enough to reach out or I don't have to want to get back together and they're confused about life in general this is actually a good thing yes it's frustrating because you want them back right away but just keep in mind the road is long you don't have to have them right now in order to get them back for good it doesn't have to happen right now and that's where months down the road if they still have not gotten past that hump then you might be open to contacting them typically I say stay no contact forever but you just don't ever know what's going on in the mind if you Eck's the biggest point of this video is that you have plenty of time so don't panic you have plenty of time so there's no need to feel that you have to do something right now that's because you feel like you've lost control that's what that is and so getting your ex back it's not something that has to happen at this exact second in order for it to happen if you do the right things you will most likely be building attraction back and you have the best chance and that's all you can do all you can do is give yourself the best chance the best odds of getting your ex back by creating the right scenarios in their mind and by doing the right things to show your value that opens the door to them missing you to them being concerned that you might move on and those two things combined together can cause them to reach out to you caused them to want the relationship back to want you back and so these things take time at the moment the best thing for you to do is breathe to spend time with friends and family to work on yourself and to avoid contacting your ex let them miss you if you're not there they can miss you if you're not reaching out to them if you are not chasing them then you pull down their ego a little bit and they can see your value going back up and there's going down so it seems more equal and a lot of these terms I realize my hurt your feelings or my might seem offensive or hurtful that's not my intent I'm just simply telling you kind of what's going on the biggest thing is the road can be long and that's okay you don't have to do anything right now just know if you do the right things you give yourself the best possibility of getting your ex back take a second and subscribe to this channel with the button below this video is helpful to you and if you'd like to schedule a coaching call with me you can do that at my ex back coach comm there's also my emergency breakup kit which is an online video course it's very effective it's very powerful if you've been broken up with you can find that at my internet coach calm as well or in the description below there is a link this has been coach Lee with my ex back coach calm thank you for watching [Music] [Music]

Channel: Coach Lee

Views: 585,464

Keywords: how much time to get my ex back, how long to get my ex back, how long does it take to get my ex back, time for ex to come back, coach lee, how long will it take for my ex to come back, how long for my ex boyfriend come back, is time important to getting back together, it takes time to get ex back, it takes time to get ex boyfriend back, will my ex come back, will your ex come back

Id: KqOhMoY2qmg

Length: 20min 5sec (1205 seconds)

Published: Sat Aug 25 2018