Dr. Phil's Advice for Couples Coping with Infidelity | Oprah's Lifeclass | Oprah Winfrey Network

every time I'm talking to people who've gone through affairs I'm thinking what was it about the affair that made you feel what you felt you were not getting in your marriage that's always sort of the underlying current for me having had friends who've experienced the pain and betrayal of affairs I know that unless the other person completely understands and shows remorse for what they have done it's really hard for somebody to get over it and it's one of those things that women hold on to hold on to and it shows up in every area of your life even when you're trying not to let it be seen and we did a show with dr. Phil who I thought was the most helpful in this instance of anybody I'd ever seen Alan sherry were here a couple of months ago they were fighting about anything and everything including the toilet paper dr. Phil told them they were not dealing with the real issues so that's when it all came out on this show sherry wasn't over all affair uh-huh you said well he had an affair and I forgave him but I can't forget it well let's play word games forgive but not forget I mean come on the key is do you have emotional closure on it or not have the two of you sat down and honestly talked about what this did to you do you feel like you have communicated that to your husband no in fact I I have always felt if I forgave him if I have forgiven him for this affair then that's where I need to leave it so whatever I'm feeling inside that's that's my pain I need to learn how to or figure out a way to deal with it but you understand what you just said is I'm trying to be the good girl I'm supposed to get beyond this I'm not supposed to hurt anymore so I will just step up here and I won't allow myself to express the hurt about the affair but I'm gonna express it about everything else that's going on in my life that's do you think that you understand what you did to her inside I don't mean just that yeah I hurt her feelings but do you think you understand at an intimate level what this meant to Sherry um yes I do but I don't know what to do you see every little thing you do takes on monumental proportions because she is so hypersensitive cuz you jerked her around two years ago I mean Annette what it's about absolutely now tell me how you're gonna fix that by not talking about it give yourself permission to deal with the issue give yourself permission to say we're not going to argue about toilet paper anymore we're gonna deal with what matters to me and that's what I'm feeling inside no more smoking mirrors we're getting real buddy right now okay this is what everybody needs to know not everybody can get over an affair and I think the beauty of dr. Phil's lessons is you need to decide if you can get over it or can't get over it but if you make the decision that you're gonna get over it then really get over it if you make the decision you're not going to stay in the relationship because you feel that the betrayal was so deep that it severed your trust forever and you can no longer trust that person again then you need to move on with it so I think that so many people live between the two trying to hold on to the past and yet in their head saying but I should be able to move forward any time you hold on to the past for anything or any area of your life it will show up it it will show up in your habits it will show up in your behavior it shows up in the way you treat other people it shows up in the way you feel about yourself it shows up in your health it has to come out in some form because it's just an energy just like everything else is just energy and it has to come out it's been 11 years since Al and Sheree were on that show they're still together and just celebrated their 30th anniversary

Channel: OWN

Views: 629,354

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Keywords: own, oprah winfrey network, own network, oprah, oprah winfrey, The Oprah Winfrey Show, lifeclass, life class, oprahs lifeclass, dr phil, affair, marriage, Dr. Phil's Advice for Couples Coping with Infidelity, happiness, fulfilling, life, lessons, enrichment, revelations, experience, class, better life, direction in life, guidance, expert advice, life coach

Id: EXINYu2twBE

Length: 4min 38sec (278 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 26 2011