David Letterman and Conan O'Brien, Part 1: 1993-2009, Recut

the gentleman who will take over this program is Conan O'Brien I've met him a couple of times the only thing I know about Conan for sure is that he you know he's been in prison that's all I don't know I know he killed a guy I don't and he he's been on the show and and as I said to him when he was a guest on our program I hope for Conan and his staff all of the success and the happiness that we here have been able to achieve and I sincerely mean that for him and his folks also I hope that he finds it in his heart sometime down the road to invite me back here from time to time I I would get a kick out of that you you [Applause] our next guest is the personable young host of Late Night with Conan O'Brien which can be seen nightly on another network which one I just got him a new me a favor and give a nice warm welcome to our friend Conan O'Brien Conan O'Brien welcome to the show welcome to the Ed Sullivan Theater this is beautiful Thank You tastic it's a pleasure to have you here you know even if I wasn't somehow involved in this story I would be fascinated by it don't you think yes yes it's a fascinating story the whole thing how have things gone for you over there how has it been kind of more of an adjustment than you thought it might be moving you were primarily a writer I guess we've had this yes I had done some performing but there are a lot of things as you know to get used to it's a very good job yeah I mean I didn't understand this when I took the job but there's someone called a stage manager on these shows I'm sorry what are you saying a stage manager yes you should write this down did you see Dave TV is a very complicated thing now talk to you have the show anyway they're these stage managers I didn't know this was part of the deal their job is to give you these signals like two minutes left one minute 30 second they posted they keep you posted there your connection to the control room that's right exactly and you get some strange ones I mean about three weeks ago on the show I'm doing an interview it seems to be going well and they hold up a card that says wipe your chin like Ronald Reagan or something I asked for this very I mean I remember thinking is this part of the deal you know I felt like a complete idiot and of course everyone in the whole studio knew that I was drooling I didn't know they hold up a card and the whole audience can see it wipe your chin idiot and there's a wipe your chin idiot he's an idiot god we had a supermodel I've had a supermodel on the show beautiful woman which one I don't know David it was a one-night stand I don't know hey look out and no but she came out wearing a slip that was just barely she was barely wearing this slip and the interview is remember of three minutes into the interview I'm in the moment I'm talking to Ron we're having a good conversation when they wave a card that says her breast is showing whoa and it occurred to me why are you showing me this card what can I do about this if I try and if I try and correct the problem I will be sued one one false move and you're in handcuffs I was more than happy to try but it's very the other thing I've noticed you don't have this problem anymore you may never have had this problem now when you do at 12:30 show I've noticed that when people compliment you on an episode they also feel obligated to tell you why they were up that late it's very funny and I mean people come up to me say you know I saw you with with Leeza Gibbons you were really uh it's a great interview I really liked it um someone pulled a fire alarm in our building and so what you know I was coming back into the house the TV was on over so I'm gonna say you know I saw you with rich hall is a very funny segment I am I burned my hand about every every few hours and so I was applying the bomb the TV happened to be on right there so it keeps my ego in check I know more about people's maladies now than you do I was on you were nice enough to have me on the show a few months ago two or three nights enough to count it was great and when I watched the show I'm very impressed because it always looks like you and your you and your staff a bunch of hard-working smart people doing a great show and I think I think it still continues to be [Applause] you know yeah you know here our stage manager they take naps next to the camera I've noticed that he he's out cold we all do us a commercial and continue visiting here with Conan O'Brien kids come on back [Applause] Conan O'Brien from the very popular late night television program Late Night with Conan O'Brien and I found this very impressive I was told I guess this is true tell me if it's not you received oh that's good Biff thank you very much I'm trying I'm trying I'm doing the best I can put that away and go back to sleep thank you I was told that you received a like a was it a fan letter from the White House from President Clinton yes President Clinton sent me a letter said he was a fan of the show I think he ha also got a letter but no I was very impressed and then he followed it up by inviting me to the White House that's very nice that yeah it was terrific it was for this is true it was for prominent Irish Americans it was on st. Patrick's Day and I don't know why wouldn't would laugh at that but yeah there was some very famous Richard Harris was there Michael Keaton was there I know there's some I think Donnie most from Happy Days was there I didn't know so I didn't out he it turns out he isn't even Irish he just has red hair and so they invited him to and I thought this is a great opportunity I'm going to get a strip you know when I meet Clinton Joe I want it to be this great exchange that I can then live off of for the rest of my looking for a moment I wanted a great moment I'm in comedy I can just tell this story you know for a hundred years afterwards about my great meeting with the president and what did I say so I'm in line you wait in this long line to meet the president and I'm thinking I might give him one of these you know it's nice to meet you I might try something a little some little punky that I can then tell people will be like wow you did that so I'm thinking in the line I'm thinking the line and you get to the head of the line it's like a ride at Disney suddenly you go over the top a gate opens you get to the end of the line and you're I'm shot out right there the President Clinton and I froze I completely froze all those you know wise aleck ideas go right out of your head and the president said this is a Conan O'Brien he's one of our late-night talk-show hosts and he is uh is my clinton by the way yeah I'm not an impressionist but could have been Reagan - yeah it's all for this presidential impresses my all-purpose impression it could be so many people and anyways he's one of our late-night talk show host and his people are from Ireland and the prime minister of Ireland is right there and the prime minister of Ireland said tell me where are you from where you people from and the Prime Minister leans in like I really he wants to know and Clinton leans in like oh man it's gonna be good yeah he leans into and there's this moment and I said I don't know and immediately immediately the line pushes past me at Doni Doni most was next he said something really clever you know you hung out with the president all night become an instant whoo and so yeah later that night I'm trying to live off the store like you know I said to him I don't know a little like Clinton a little like Reagan and a little like Clint Eastwood yeah it's a collage you now here's a part of this story that you are probably sick and tired of talking about because I think people are under the impression that you you came from nowhere to suddenly be hosting I mean exactly but you had performing for me experience I had done a lot of improvisation I had worked with The Groundlings theater I had done quite a bit of work on sanity I've and I also had had been doing so well in my performing career Dave that I actually was in the pilot of a very successful and rosy sitcom and for some reason I'm not really sure why they cut me after the pilot was was done in the show we're only in the part I was only in the pilot and the show went on to become quite successful I'm I'm a little bitter about it but it's not a big deal I think we have a clip of that we're gonna show it if you don't have a clip yeah I do me a favor go ahead and roll it about the future that's anybody's guess ain't no good reason for giving now borrow your pen and pencil Oh well I think for the best [Applause] what a nice Museum great job and a great job all right it's all over we're moments away from being unplugged now here's some bad news we've run out of time and our friend Dave Edmunds will not be on the show tonight gosh I wonder when we lost that time anyway he was nice enough to come back and visit with us one night next week my thanks also to Conan O'Brien and Jamie Lee Curtis Monday Damon Wayans Jon Secada and from the Texas Rangers the first man in the history of the American League a left-hander to throw a perfect game Kenny Rogers will be on the show goodnight pants pants pants witness a call out have we done the Academy Awards yet it's a it's a week from Monday oh my god oh my god I'm having them again every night for the last two or three months I have these nightmares I got I got to host the Academy Awards and highway [Applause] and it's getting to me it's under my skin it's making me a little hinky you know what I'm saying you know pinkie you know what I'm talking about a little you like that and I keep having these dreams recurring nightmares if you will and it's always the same but yet just different enough to terrify the holy hell out of me and I had another one of those dreams last night now here's what I'm gonna do I'm gonna rub my forehead tilt my head back you're gonna hear the music and then you're gonna see videotape of my dream cheese I remember it as though it was just oh my god it was so lightly and now please welcome the host of the 67th annual Academy Awards Conan O'Brien [Applause] thank you [Music] [Applause] haha Louise I like that Conan O'Brien he's funny any [Applause] for the big blockbuster broadcast resuming last week on this program and we always like to think of ourselves as right at the cutting edge of American television entertainment last week we introduced something the likes of which we had not seen before it's the consummate the consummate achievement of biochemical engineering it's a combination of a giant rat and something that flies it's a giant rat with wings and it flies and it wasn't here last night I was disappointed Paul was just one of the audience you of course you were not here last night but the owners and even the stage crew Corky you were disappointed that's what I hate it when we break clerk ease heart don't you ah as a Paul Peterson song wasn't it break Corky's heart that was why we're going way back now aren't we yes and then my dad it was that was the b-side of my dad break Corky's hardly he anyway anyway we found out where the giant flying rat was and I'm more than a little steamed roll at Hal here take a look at this he was on that look The Late Late Show with Tom Schneider there's a hoax away yeah he's talking to somebody he's pretty serious these are amazing works of 1995 right I'm pleased you know we were trying yes sir nesting in Tom sideburns but you know seriously ladies gentlemen good news for young and old alike I'm happy to say that here in the Ed Sullivan Theater once again it's returned home ladies gentlemen the giant flying rat how [Applause] he presents from Sikorsky Aircraft in Stratford tonight and from the Jet Propulsion lab in Pasadena and the College of Veterinary Medicine at UC Davis in Davis California the wonder of genetic engineering but giant boy [Music] [Applause] and as we pointed out there they're not much trouble right now because this is the prototype you can't don't expect to go to a pet store and buy one of these but if you could the cost for this would be about four five billion dollars bees yeah but eventually when they start mass producing and be able to pick him up for a buck seventy nine but that we're talking about years years from now you know every time we do this show people come from all over the United States four or five hundred people they sit in the audience well that means great everybody who wrote in for tickets gets in but for every good story there's a sad story people who are waiting who don't have tickets they have standby tickets they don't get in and because today is such a miserable rainy day and these are folks who really want to see a television show and they didn't get Hal turn on the camera out there this would be our standby audience tonight look at him look at those people all right all right thank you they get on my nerves that's our standby audience tonight those are the people that got up at dawn and stood outside in the rain all day hoping to see some kind of a television show and we disappointed them yet again and you know look already you folks here I've seen the giant flying rat that's [Applause] that's the kind of thing to tell your grandkids and your neighbors about so I want to try and do something nice if I can for these people all right turn on again how hey hey hey hi yes sir right there please yes sir you right there stop doing that what is your name please from Germany yes you're from Germany well we'll get you a translator open the doors and what is his name Mike Mike I tell you what I want you to be in charge of the standby audience Mon corner all right now in an orderly single-file and a well-mannered fashion as quickly as you can but look at the guy at the end take a lot of giant flying rats to cheer that guy up Chris Elliott isn't it from the cast of Saturday night we could have gotten Chris a ticket couldn't we somehow all right I'll tell you what all right man quit styling the shirt I tell you what Mike look at this Mike bring everybody here into the in Sullivan Theater as quickly as you can please be very very careful [Applause] oh come on sure I'm sorry come on come on okay all right Chris I enjoyed you and Kevin huh now listen you folks haven't missed a thing so far tonight you know when you come to New York City you want to see television shows don't you I mean they're there like a dozen 16 television shows in production all the time here in New York City as a matter of fact tonight simultaneously as we produced The Late Show here in the Ed Sullivan Theater on CBS the Conan O'Brien show is in production back at back at NBC and you know that's that's our old show we used to do that show when Conan O'Brien heard about our standby audience he was nice enough to invite you folks okay there he is right there that's that's Conan show right there okay so now that's where you folks are going yes we're taking you over there right now to see to see here we go [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] kind of a hostage situation there is that what it I want it turned into me well they'll have the time of their lives our standby audience now on their way to our old show to see Conan O'Brien to me you can't do any better than that love it listen when we got a pause for a commercial when we come back Angela Lansbury will be here [Music] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] ladies gentlemen back to the program Angela Lansbury's here Elizabeth Hurley and Lou Reed for my money you can't do much better than this is a wonderful television program now if you're scoring at home as many of our viewers do let's see how that first segment went things were doing pretty well I thought right off the top everybody seemed to be in a good mood I joked with a very nice man down there about my driver's license high-spirited repartee good-natured Barb's back and forth there was a lot of fun and so all that oh that was good and then we we told some jokes that seemed to go pretty well and and then with a giant flying rat everybody liked that now okay now here comes the problem all right we had to stand by audience oh we see the stand by audience out there and we turned the camera on I'm trying to talk to a guy named Gunther what's his name goon car I don't know I can't hear Gunther Gunther can't hear me but he's from where is he from Austria he's from Germany Gunther is from Germany yeah so and I'm trying to do something in my heart what I think is very nice as symbolically to pay back all of the wonderful patience and loyalty you folks have generated over the years and so we're gonna send bring him in here and first of all coming in they don't seem to get the drill about coming in you think a guy named goons are from Germany would have that drill down but he'd be able to line guys up and get it in here [Applause] but a new tower the semaphore signals to his folks back home there in Berlin so about 20 minutes later Gunther and the folks are in the theater and now I explain to them what we're going to do and you know I said wait wait we're going to send you over to the Conan O'Brien show and they they don't want to go right so I think I think you'd have to put that down as a mistake for us as well all right and now the Conan O'Brien show is a wonderful show very talented man very nice young man and they were kind enough to invite guitarr and those other deadbeats to come over there and sit in their audience and and so right now I'm just and then in the middle of it all just when you think oh my god I'm just praying so he did do a commercial and get the hell out of it in the middle of it all I see our producer Robert Morton behind his little treehouse whatever his little hobby house there his little Clubhouse he's doing this to me well I'm trying to talk to Gunther and then the folks there he's and I said what is it Bob I'm like four feet from him and instead of talking to me he says this so I think you'd have to say that the first round so far is a draw [Applause] thanks good girl right there I don't want to name names I don't want to place blame but you're looking at him right there ladies gentlemen that's where it'll well hello girls yeah but they weren't that peppy when they got in here we don't want to go see another free TV show we want to stay in the lobby they sip their sights a little too high they're lobby dwellers that's all they are that's all they'll ever be their lousy Lobby dwellers they don't deserve Conan O'Brien Paul and I by the way that's that's our old show that's right it's kind of sad you're no help Paul huh oh they're they're other they are in the van let's see if their attitude has changed since the van ride there's good no that's not good car L is having a goons are there we go Hey and we're disses nice course we're not seeing anything that's great there they go they're scurrying along going right up that's a beautiful building Oh doesn't help okay Owens enjoying this stop it here we go hey hey ladies gentlemen here in my right hand I have a copy of tonight's top ten list [Applause] [Applause] what a dude you just think you were gonna finish the show with that just sound like you were never gonna stop just kept going and going like champ yeah we're in here for about 40 minutes ladies an gentlemen the category tonight from the Home Office in oh yeah no let's start the music again Paul look at this this is not working at all there they go this is SELEX I'm gonna outward-bound project the rest of them are lost in Manhattan and they'll ever be seen again [Applause] the Stockholm Syndrome I've seen it a million times they're together identifying to be addressed now look it up he'll like there being a mystery O'Brien is right there Thank You Conan that's Andy Richter thank you Andy good luck they're wonderful people I'm sure you'll have a lovely show they don't don't be scourge by the fact that they've ruined our show gentlemen I have a caffee another there are people like that well they you know say there are two parties in any given night and the folks have been invited to to parties they go to the first party they ruin that then they go to the second party they ruin that these people like that I don't know some get a chemistry [Applause] okay I know because believe me they're gonna ruin that show before the night is done great yeah well we got a giant flying rep white ice I know are we a little late oh we've broken Corky's heart again Don break barkis and the category tonight from the Omaha zoo City Iowa top ten other reasons people are suing McDonald's it happened again this week a guy goes into McDonald's a big piping up to a cup of coffee spills it on his lap saloon for two damn million dollars two million damn dollars I guess that goons are van like to check his papers leave me alone I'm a little nervous top 10 reasons people are suing McDonald's and the guys burned himself in the lap and he's suing McDonald's okay it's happening a lot now other reasons here we go did we do the thing everything having okay number 10 [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] we're out of time folks now stay tuned for Tom Schneider Tom's guest tonight norm Crosby good night everybody [Applause] [Music] [Applause] worldwide pants [Music] every morning I give David a call at work hello David no ma'am I've told you he doesn't work here anymore [Applause] our first guests not only hosts his own that late-night talk show that's our old gig Paul Murray I also put together a very funny book I have a copy of it right here it's called if they made it and a look at the cover will give you the general idea do me a favor please welcome back to the big blockbuster programs suddenly I'm Walter Cronkite here he is just in from Bosnia Conan O'Brien come on [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Applause] how the hell are you buddy doing real fine thank you Dave oh yeah happy Superbowl weekend how are our old friends over there at NBC treating you pretty good he's fine things are going great things are going well it's a big weekend for you and the network because they're carrying they're covering the Super Bowl thirty involved I know they want everybody to be involved in that do they do and the show is we're in our third season now and it felt like time to promote my show all right on the Super Bowl Dave well how can all they're just gonna do somebody we've got a bite time exactly yeah I don't know if you're aware it's 1.2 to 1.3 million dollars for 30 seconds of time on the super over a million bucks for a half minute commercial yeah but I felt like it's time you know we've we've we've been on for a while it's time to go to the next level so I'm kind of dough I scraped up as much money as I could get together day I fell I don't know why these people are laughing I find that offensive I'm tired of being everyone's joke Dave but laugh away if you will I scrape together all my funds and I Conan O'Brien brought time to promote my show on a Super Bowl and we never steal a respect for you what happened here yes we do have this is what people have seen it is what people seem like when they watch Super Bowl 30 roll up the Conan O'Brien commercial here we go me [Applause] thank you thank you very much I appreciate that thank you that's very very very savvy of you to be doing that very media savvy I'm just gonna you know what it is it's not about time it's not impact see my attention Alan yeah they're gonna see it and they're gonna think I don't know what that is I gotta watch that yeah exactly be a lot of stuff like listen Conan you're into your third year that's right there yeah we've done over 45,000 shows I believe well hard to believe how do you feel things are going what kind of feedback do you get are you settling into the job settle then I'm liquored up every night people like that it's a more comfortable Conan you have an open bar before this your open bar before the joint works you know the first year I was keyed up bothered people and it's much better now so you had guests every night I'm drunk now that's wrong when people do that it's wrong I apologize deep and I feel bad so when you go out in the world now I go out what is the reaction what do people get super sting you know for a while there it was outright hate which I absorbed I know I find that hard to believe I inspire hating a lot of people Dave it's just a charm I have know for why the first year people weren't sure that like who does this guy think he is so tune in at 12:30 it wasn't you it was me and it was it was just it was a bad scene man bad news that turn and then what happened is I'm finding now that people are more accepting and I actually that's good but there is still humbling experiences like what well I went to recently we shot a remote and I went to Cleveland to the rock and we shot video for the show exactly I went to shoot videotape for the show we get there everybody in the world is at this thing sure lotta beautiful and they have a line to get in and I'm going in there to shoot my remote and people start signing autographs rock stars people that they're important people for frenzy it's a frenzy and I'm standing near these people and suddenly people start asking me for my out of it you go your name my autograph and I'm like what is this okay fine you know and I feel good about myself I start signing autographs and feeling good about myself and I really thought I've arrived we go we shoot the remote it takes all day at the end of the day now I'm leaving the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame everyone's left I'm walking through the littered streets I look down at my feet my autograph is lying in the gutter true story it's lying there best wishes Conan O'Brien in the gutter and I'm thinking to myself you know people were there it was part of the frenzy and which is like a yeah you you you and I give it to him the guys like huh you know you know what you need you know to make you feel better a Sousa March here we go we're gonna do a commercial buddy back in [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] Coenen now this book it's a best-seller I believe in it I don't know if very well and it's called if they made it this is an idea you guys had for your show it's nearly self-explanatory but let's just take a look at the cover and show folks what we're talking about this where we is yes this is a book where we use advanced computer right there for a manicure exactly we use advanced computer technology to find out what would happen if couples works like Hitler and have charted with Newt Gingrich yes what may happen yeah and then you get the result we've actually right there on the cover we've shown that progeny yeah and they're right there and and you've done genetic research to suggest this is accurate let me point out let me put that pretty much what the baby would look let me put out yeah let me just say this right now Dave this is not a joke this is not a comedy you people refer to it this is science it's good science and again I don't know why people are laughing at this we have a few a loaded up once you take us through the drill okay well first of all this is a couple they're not actually going out which is what most the book is but Regis Philbin and Kathie Lee Gifford we decided what would happen they're not getting it on as the kids say they're probably happening though exactly what would happen were they to have a child what might it look like and then you get I I went to high school with her yeah I dated her yeah I still in the world has a woman oh yes yes yes and she's got a good soul very nice we looked at a couple that actually just had a baby we wanted to see what the baby would look like of course I'm talking about Roseanne and Ben Thomas a very attractive oh that's right sure what it is child gonna look like someday and we did some testing and there you go yeah and now that these people actually give you blood to do your genetic this is all done with tissue say that's very very in / all right who else well this is a very good-looking couple John F Kennedy jr. and Daryl Hannah they'll even go over one there so this is gonna be a very attractive a B let's take a look at the future and see what's gonna happen its nature nature's cold yeah you can't really predict it it just apparently skips a generation that's often cruel yeah and finally this is one that's not in the book but it's a it's a little bit of treat because I'm here I did this for you for me this is for you Dave my gift to you what would happen if you and drew barrymore we're to get together God have a child let's see what would happen [Applause] that's just good science Dave so we're doing something very very resourceful oh yeah now do you have to run right back over there and do your show I did the show already so you've done it already yeah this is a weekend yeah the show is done I got nothing to do I'll just hang out here all day and you got rookies back there you're welcome to anything you can find [Applause] [Music] [Music] come on Conan a new eye [Music] yeah so inside a way [Music] come on really Andy that's strange we were traveling through time but we're right back here at our studio we didn't go anywhere time travel machine must not have worked oh no look at the time the show's almost starting oh man come on let's get dressed hey Ruby decorated my dressing room this Stevie Nicks poster yeah Pink Floyd look at this a Rubik's Cube either those anymore no kiddin Andy look what this calendar says 1983 what's going on hey you guys they can speak Conan O'Brien this is Andy Richter yeah right well listen no interns in the dressing room okay can you stand up security how did you boys find a nice warm place and go screw yourselves all right [Applause] [Music] it's the early 80s Bob is easy yes Late Night with Conan O'Brien you now let's see do we do we have clips to show or do we not have clips to show what what Clips do we have to show just holler it out Bob which one are we gonna take a look at from the movie the stud [Applause] you know what you do here here I'm gonna give you a little piece of advice because I like you I have an affinity for you and I think you're completely charming when we show this you're irritated you can sue us so see ya should get some of that money back and balance out that random house thing you know don't you want to show it from my new movie that's coming up oh yeah yeah yeah are you naked in that one no no we wanna see you naked I'm sorry that I don't have to do is buy an old copy of Playboy okay here we go all right we'll show the naked one and then then we'll show the other one or should we show the other one first and then show the naked one because it's tough to follow nudity you do it you only have to be okay here we go thanks a lot here we go whoa this is a Joan Collins [Applause] I just bless your sister wrote the book that that was based on man I enjoyed that I feel better already you were trying to find me doing when you burst into my dressing room that day 5u yeah that wasn't bad at all what are we doing we wrapped into a commercial John thank you very much for your time good luck in court I'll come down and do what I can [Music] but I'm a bit Irish too I think we talked about this last time yes we did yes definitely all right well where you off to now you're going to Sam's Club is that right to go into Sam's Club I'm going to O Minneapolis Detroit Dallas Birmingham Alabama and LA ending up in LA so I'm going to kind of crisscross America for the next five or six days which is going to be pretty exhausting and I'm not only not traveling with my own sheets I'm travelling just with a wheelie you know one of those little wet well we call it a wheelie in England you don't know what it really is it's one of those little bags like that with a zipper and it's got wheels on and you just put all your things in and you just wheel it around get on the plane don't have to check in your luggage it's called a weenie a wheelie oh really did you think you were saying wheelie really was hearing really yeah I was hearing it's Kawai I'm gonna bring this weenie around I thought was like some nerdy guy you travel with I swear to god I know okay [Applause] okay I had a question for Miss Collins you were on our show about a month ago and I we in like the second South we showed this film of you naked inside the movie was like the the stud or the stud two or more stud or can we can somebody call me a stomach I said sure they showed the film of you naked and it was it was lovely she looked absolutely lovely and then now so then later and I thought you enjoyed yourself and then later I read in the paper that you're pissed off [Applause] I know you don't want any more litigation I don't want any more evidences we can say is now you either were pissed off though I'll show you some clips of some Italian films I did next time I come on your show you can show those so summing up them you were not pissed [Applause] [Applause] there's really nothing to say after that ladies and gentlemen Joan Collins I believe that was David Letterman [Applause] [Music] what do you got there what is that I know we got a joke laughs oh we have a leftover joke really we have a leftover joke you mean I didn't do a joke Hey well we're out of time we don't really have time for an extra joke let me see oh wait a minute I have an idea give me the give me the here you just stay there I know no you better come with me come to think of it you better you better come with me I gotta get rid of this I got to put on my [Applause] here we go people heard this but Michael Jackson is back in the news he announced today he's going to open a chain of theme parks yeah yeah apparently apparently he was disappointed when he found out that the I have a little something for me Grover you're about there look at this it's a joke I had leftover right over here take it to the other guy well folks as you know it's spring now and I don't know romance just seems to be in the air and in fact this morning I was walking through Central Park and a squirrel tried to mate with my hairpiece [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] there we go ladies and gentlemen today is the birthday of this man right here Tony Enki Mendes happy birthday [Applause] [Music] [Applause] we get a tough guy here right over there right over there straight up and about [Applause] [Music] every show's got to have when we get a tough guy things are under control speaking of things under control earlier today President Clinton President Bill Clinton the most powerful man on the planet President Clinton had his annual physical that's right he checked into the Bethesda Naval Hospital and filled up specimen jar 1 so that was specimen jar why Air Force one that's right did you meet the tough guy ladies gentlemen [Applause] and in a related story next week Bob Dole goes in for his annual autopsy so that [Applause] [Music] wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute did you people like that joke you know what that's based on it's a joke about Bob Dole being old and you're it you enjoyed the joke that's great I'll be right back [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] yeah Pat Kennedy Awards Academy Awards reward say you don't want to borrow a couple of Clinton is fat jokes dear Clinton this fat no no help yourself I'm doing Dole is old gray look at that good to see it have a nice weekend [Music] [Applause] [Applause] okay [Music] [Applause] Hey Oh God for a moment there we had been away at camp you know ladies gentlemen our first guests not only hosts his own very funny late-night talk show he also is the leggy cover model featured on this week's issue of TV Guide do me a favor please welcome back our good friend Conan O'Brien [Applause] [Music] [Applause] I'm sorry welcome back to the program thank you very much because I know how busy I am how you sir must be equally as busy so I really appreciate you figuring out a schedule whereby you come insist they just did a mediocre show tonight and came here to do a good one day that was the plan we do the crap over there the good stuff here folks you may be too late congratulations being on the cover of TV Guide time mr. big shot very very cool that's not my body by the way that's David Copperfield's body yeah my head on it here why not I was real happy though because that's actually a pretty cool cover I thought that's pretty cool yeah what TV Guide does David they have a policy of shooting many different covers and then they pick which is on and I was really nervous cuz I wasn't that happy with some of the other options yeah well this one came out great this one I'm glad they chose that one because I actually brought the ones they were thinking amazing oh let's take a look I think they're here so they gave you you got to take a look at the yeah maybe just so people can see yeah but this was like the first one they thought maybe about doing and I wasn't too happy there I don't even get a shot of that but look at that I just wasn't - yeah but baby a late night that's just not very high concept no I didn't like that one and then there's this one they're crying about nice here but look at that I just didn't go for this one flush success right there I think that that would be disturbing to your parents no yeah that's a photo I actually had lying around this one bothered me yeah I had that I just said you want this one and then and this one right here I wasn't really happy with Conan delivers the comedy maybe I should use that one people seem to very fun maybe I should have gone with that everyone loves motherhood yeah and then this one I I'm really glad they didn't go with this one I this one I'm just glad that we avoided it there it is right there does TVC Sonic or what and I just thought more questions than exactly unknown exactly so I don't know now when uh when you were a kid yeah you're still not that old you not to come in my late 50s yes aging quickly you did you watch a lot of television take you well as a huge influence and everyone's like yeah I loved a TV rerun TV when I was a kid I watched a lot of Hogan's Heroes yeah I remember and one of the good creme there is Bob Crane I'll star that he played mysteriously in a Phoenix hotel gee thanks for helping me out with a comedy here Dave that's a nice little wrinkle you can anything I know about ogen zero all right well yes that's true Dave now let's see if I can wring a little chuckle out of it no he he it is actually an amusing thing about having jobs like this as you watch these TV shows and then these characters come into your life you meet some of them and it's like they're making a cameo appearance in your life I watched a ton of Hogan's Heroes when I was a kid one day I'm out shooting a remote piece a street somewhere on the streets truck with my drummer bandleader Max Weinberg and we're out there and we're shooting this piece and all the sudden rushing around the corner right on 68th Street comes Verner Klemperer who played colonel oh yeah sure he's and he's walking very quickly just like Colonel Klink he has he had the monocle he had the rider cry no but he looks just like him he's walking quickly walks around the corner and goes hello Conan go to seal the shows doing so ran get my fist handy huh max I was growing out that he doesn't look cooler and he went right off again and I thought I thought that's just like having a cameo appearance by Colonel Klink in your life in your life yeah one of the perks of being in trouble exactly I think he was strangled Bob Crane now actually yeah 100 that he was bludgeon lamp while he was bludgeoned to death with a lot you don't know what blunt instrument actually killed him Dave but he was budging and I think I have photos of the crime scene altogether now this will lighten up the evening I tell you what we got to do a commercial break in and we'll come back and continue visiting here with our friend at Conan O'Brien [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] yes sir Conan O'Brien is here ladies gentlemen on the big big Late Show and also Blues Traveler now Conan yes I believe the last time you were here you referenced having been a guest at the White House yes that's right hey by the way I understand you've been back I've actually been back so you hooded writer the White House twice yeah what happened was the the President of Ireland Mary Robinson very nice woman was invited to a big state dinner and so they have to scrape up all the Irish every Irish person living and I have no illusions about this Dave I know I am there and they literally were like what about that guy all right and so I was invited and actually got a chance to meet the president and and the seal against this is like thousands of people yeah it's thousands of Irish people it's like pretty much every Irish person they could find like a dinner is that what it is yeah they had a dinner and they had a receiving line and it was interesting you know seeing the president again I actually though thought it was a little awkward because I thought the president was a little condescending actually really to the president I thought Clinton was a little condescending to the President of Ireland myself I thought that he talked down to her a little bit and I actually where there's footage of the event and I can narrate if you want I'll narrate but what exactly her no absolutely but it just really happened I don't know Brian oh there's my girlfriend there there's the president saying hello there nice to see you who's your girlfriend let's not talk about that now and then nice to see her back again yeah exactly and then he says this say says this is some Irish guy we scraped up we couldn't get Shaquille O'Neal ha ha and then he says he's a GP talk show host now look at this TV talk show host he says you know TV [Applause] and she told me to piss off and so I thought it was which she'd had a lovely gown very nice woman I just thought you know she deserves better than that you you were in and I don't know when this was you were in Indiana my home state I was in the early state why were you doing there I was there on Monday I was visiting the local affiliate doing a little stuff it's a great city isn't it yeah it is it's very nice very nice because people are very very smart they're people are very very friendly they're yes oh boy so that the people in Indiana are like 40% nicer than you find anywhere very nice people the food is like 40% tastier yeah everything's good and Bob Crane was not bludgeoned there too which is a nice thing so it's just it's got everything going for it I think you know I think with that Bob Crane thing I don't think they found him for quite a while either and it was a it was a very hot day why you started it I look up to you I follow you and say you're in Indianapolis I'm in Indianapolis do you love it it's a great town it was the best place I've ever been and what was nice about it day is that what was really nice about it was that I was invited to the the Indy 500 Speedway I never speed of speed exactly all those things and I know that you're a big race fans you know you'll be impressed with this I'm their motorsports Motorsports we like the fast cars and good times and I get to me get to me I get to meet Dale Earnhardt Dale Earnhardt learner I guess he's a big NASCAR racer I read it very nine head okay I didn't call mater glad and I need him it's very impressive and then he told me and this is true he said you want to take a spin oh my god around the raceway too sure I was excited I thought this is really great and I thought I was gonna get in the passenger side of his NASCAR he'll get in the driver's side and drive me around in his cool car so this really happened he said all right I'll tell you let's go for a spin we walk outside the garage and he points to a red Dodge Caravan all right sure seriously a red Dodge Caravan that would belong to the director of the Indy 500 Speedway he says let's take that you drive well that's even better yeah King nerd going around the Indy 500 Speedway in a Dodge Caravan making maneuver with Jennifer with Dale Earnhardt sitting next to me so I get in this thing i strapping the shoulder thing you know I put on Alba you know on the underside and it's it's playing and and I and I start driving and Dale Earnhardt the coolest guy in the world is sitting next to me and I just do I'm too big tall car so I'm doing 55 around the speedway taking the corners real slow there were groceries in the pack there's a baby seat Dale Earnhardt kept saying and finally he took the wheel and just said just lean on it so I got it up to 70 days I really had this thing cookin thank you very much and I really had this thing going and then when I left he wasn't that impressive yeah you know nonetheless the experience is that should should have been for you a thrill of a lifetime not what everybody gets to do that and I'm think they learn hearts thinking of driving a Dodge Caravan d500 I saw him painting a number cohdon it's always a pleasure to have you with us and congratulations again and always on the success of your project over there at NBC thank you very happy yes sir thank you [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] Thank You Man the boys seem to go for that I know I'll tell you something legs in we get a blockbuster is it a blockbuster or a barnburner hey it's both it's both a blockbuster and a barnburner of a show tonight and and so much more Conan O'Brien let me tell you a little something about the Conan O'Brien once upon a time Paul Shaffer my friend and I we had a little show over at NBC and it was called the late-night and in the beginning of the show they came to us as what do you want to call the show and so we had meeting after meeting after meeting and that went on for literally a month of what do you call the show just because we couldn't come up with a really good idea that everybody would get sick of in a day or two we just said Oh late night yeah so that was the name of that's how it happened and now a Conan I'm Owen by the way a PS I got my ass fired [Applause] I don't tell you something I was not a happy camper so then they brought in a nice young man a Conan O'Brien and and he's have been doing the show that Paul and I used to have called the late man it's still called late night and doing very well so a little behind the scenes a story there for you well it's not as good as your top down to the millennia now it's a cute start okay our first guest is the funny and talented host of NBC's aforementioned late-night program ladies gentlemen here's a good friend Conan O'Brien [Applause] [Music] [Applause] sorry dude that's a pet peeve of mine when I host the show is guests that come out and stand for too long toach not have you had experience this the host cannot see you don't know what to do a talk until the guests and so you'll have someone like Wayne Newton come out and he stands there wait a minute you thank you very much everybody and then he'll stand and long after people have left the building he's still standing there acknowledging a love that's just not there how are the how are the holidays you have a nice time uh yeah I did actually I did I got my parents uh what I thought was a really great gift flirtier folks Lou they live just outside Boston Brookline Massachusetts she went home for the holidays a nice family went home for the holidays and usually I'm one of those guys that goes to the mall at the last second and buys deodorant for everybody and this time I got the deodorant way ahead of time so what I did was I was thinking ahead my parents had their 40th wedding anniversary pretty good thanks for acknowledging that with applause and so so my parents had their 40th wedding anniversary in August and I was thinking ahead and I knock it off and I what I did was I hired a photographer to come to the anniversary great idea take pictures and I say to their family photo album nice beautiful photo album leather on the front and it's very expensive it's taking a while to put together and it's just almost Christmas time and this woman who's putting it together calls me up and she says Conan what I like to do on in front of the expensive photo album is I'd like to emboss a monogram in gold and what you traditionally do in these situations is you take the first initial of your mother's name and then you do the first initial of the last name of the family in the middle hmm and then you end with your father's first initial oh three letters right there and I said fine go ahead do it so the photo album shows up the photo album shows up it cost me a fortune and my mother's first initials are she's Ruth Ruth you first initial last name is Bo O'Brien my dad's first initial his name's Thomas is T do you so I I spent a fortune on this thing happy 40th anniversary mom and dad wrought you think somebody would have caught that before they I wasn't thinking it so my moms crying and I just have to go with a gavel just rob their unexpected acrimony yeah yeah now when you get together is it I have the sense and maybe you've told me this before it's a large family I need you spend your assuming that because I'm Irish people sit around eating potatoes and drinking scotch it's a lot of fun oh my it is a big family there are a lot of kids in my family and I get a kick out of my mom I love my mom I'll say that because sometimes I talk about her you're gonna hit me if I do that again aren't you feel free make yourself at home okay my mom is funny she comes from central Massachusetts she grew up there in the 1930s 1940s and she has he's just great expressions that no one uses anymore if someone's a wise guy she doesn't call him a wise guy they're a little fresh she'll say you know something Conan that Dave Letterman he's a bold stump a bold stuff I don't know what I have no idea where that comes from he's a bold stop if she's all confused and it ends and at odds with herself and she says I'm all I've got to say I'm sorry I'm a little Randy boo Brandi move Randy boo I don't know if people have heard that one so my favorite one though is she has trouble talking about you know intimate things as many mothers do and sexual things and so especially scandalous things so she cannot just say that someone's having an affair she can't say that so I'm home for the holidays and I'm talking to her and she says you know I'm sorry but she found out that a friend of hers will call him Steve Steve Jonas will call him that because that's his real name beep Jonas is having an affair he's a neighbor of ours oh no you're not really a neighbor he's a guy that just lives but he went on he's having an affair with somebody else in his office and so my mother says you know I gotta say I'm all Randy boo I'm all Randy bow because that bowled stump Steve Jonas apparently and she wanted to say is having an affair with the secretary said behind behind his wife's back is a is playing patty fingers patty fingers and so what I envision is in my mom's tell me the story I just envisioned someone going to like a motel 6 with somebody and they draw the shades off the hook and then they go is this great crime paint right but when you when you are playing patty fingers believe me it takes a bold stone I've often heard that city kid a yeah you gotta you gotta have that yeah I don't know how long ago this happened for you but welcome to the world of dog ownership oh thank you yeah I got a dog been a while it brand new how long ago it's a I got a I got a Golden Retriever whose name's Hudson and that's a little isn't it a little isn't that just a little Hudson it's the most I mean I know people always say that their dog is the cutest dog I swear my dog is comedic ly cute it's just like so cute that you just laugh practically you see the dog really cute beautiful dog and I was up in Connecticut hanging out there a couple of weeks ago and my dogs I have a little house up there and my dog Hudson dog Hudson running around the yard is that the name really Hudson yep yeah I don't think he cares if I say his name it is it's not like Larry Jonas or whoever that guy I'm changing Hudson's name so he won't get a phone call isn't it just a little a little I mean is it really a you know what I'm saying his real name is kooky do I was just embarrassed to say that that was his real name though Hudson is his name a little Hudson and he's really cute and I'm kind of you know playing around with him in the yard and suddenly this dog ran out of the woods and it was one of those dogs that hangs out feral dog bingo maybe and it was a dog might have been a dingo that ate my baby and Meryl Streep was there so I'm playing with the dog and suddenly this dog runs out of the woods and it's one of those it's it's not a pure it's just pure breed it's just some dogs mug hanging out in the woods and it's got a car so you know someone's feeding it but it's it's kind of ugly and it's really lean and you can see it strong dog and it starts running circles around my dog just like 50 miles an hour run sir and my dog is trying to keep up doing the best he can look go and trying to do the best to keep up with the dog but it can't this dog is much faster much stronger much smarter and I realized that looking at this other dog that my dog has just been genetically engineered to be cute 95% of the chromosomes in its body is just so that it will look good on a Hallmark card sticking out of a basket oh my goo and that evolution has taken care of this other dog and given it superpowers that a dog should have your dog looks good riding around in the back of a Volvo station wagon with a bow on its head that's all it's good for did your dog did you did you find him near the river I have a lot of respect for you and I really like you when you mock my dog you just go too far man settlement I'm sorry I know yeah enough there's an incredible amount of pressure at 12:30 you don't know you don't know trying to get Wayne Newton back now I understand and I'm very flattered that you did this you brought a clip for us a film clip and I didn't even know you're in a movie so that's great congratulations I'm not in a movie no really no it's me you know god forbid I'd be in a movie now I'm not in a movie I just know that these big you know a big 11:30 show like this every time I watch guy comes out he was the first guest he shows the clips let absolute big movies right and I wanted to do that so I'm not in this movie but I thought that this would blow everybody away so you brought a clip if you're not all right you need you need to set up this clip you're not in people away and this is gonna put me on the map okay here we go it's a clip he ain't in it enjoy once upon a time Conan O'Brien was going on Dave show and he wanted to show a clip that would really impress everyone so he decided to show the Star Wars trailer [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] check it out yes sir oh man nice to see you again nice to see you thanks for having me on thank you for being here happy new year any of us - yeah [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] idioms on the program Brian Greene this astrophysicist and will talk all about the the universe and any and any questions you may have about anything here's the guy right here there's okay yeah I wanted to mention one thing you know remember Paul and I used to have a show over at NBC and then they fired Paul and in support I I quit I said Africa I said and if you're gonna fire Paul then I'm going with you but anyway that show was called late night late night we were on the air for 12 years and it was taken over by Conan O'Brien yeah Bravo well listen to this Conan and his wife Liza yesterday at 5:30 5:13 p.m. had a baby girl their first child how about that and I think her name is neva although it I'm not sure any VA I think that Eva yeah that's a cool name yeah so can i Greta would be conet so congratulations to Conan and his wife on having their first baby girl that's a very nice thing six six pounds ten ounces Jonny Lang is also on the program ladies gentlemen here's tonight's top ten list [Music] [Music] hi how you doing Queen Latifah Jack Hannah it's funny that we mentioned the petting zoos because when Jack Hannah comes out it'll be a kind of like a pet coincidence yeah by the way did you hear this the Conan O'Brien is taking over the Tonight Show did you hear that when when does that happen it happens in 2009 five years ago five years from now yeah Jay Leno has decided he's stepping down after in five years Jay Leno is stepping down yeah it's apparently getting to him so in five years he's stepping down in five but he does nothing but work no I don't know what sort of and they're so the announced that NBC air releases a Conan O'Brien he'll be doing the Tonight Show good for him that's fantastic oh yeah what if I can get a tape over there and I'd be a little late anyway all our best to Conan when he hits the job in 2009 five years from now yeah I think Halley's Comet comes back in 2009 no but it's great that's ready about Jay Leno understand that big down I don't get any of it I guess he'll do play spend more time in Vegas I guess there's any winners tonight's top ten list [Music] I think he said he couldn't take it another minute so he's leaving in 2009 five years yeah stuff like that work I don't know it's wonderful though Conan O'Brien's great yeah it's nice good yeah you know you and I used to have that show we had the oughts horn oh boy Paula we gotta get that again does it be an opening there yeah we have some fun yeah the category top ten the George W Bush debate strategies now this is it in a tearful press conference today Jay Leno announced that he'll be leaving The Tonight Show in 2009 - yes it is a long time let's see and so here's what happened they Jay Leno of course had been the host of The Tonight Show for like 17 years and and he said I don't know I'm not sure I don't know what he said so they said great we'll put you on at 10 o'clock so now he's gonna be on a prime-time so he's on at 10 o'clock and then a Conan O'Brien who used to do the show that Paul and I used to do yes and we came over here they gave that show to Conan O'Brien and they now a Conan O'Brien is the host of The Tonight Show that's right tremendous guy grand I don't I don't know a lot about him he's very funny man very smart I know that years ago he killed a guy that's all I know maybe I've said too much now haha Wow

Channel: Don Giller

Views: 552,523

Keywords: Conan O'Brien

Id: aAcOHwtq__E

Length: 81min 7sec (4867 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 29 2018