THE SECRET To Negotiating In Business & Life TO ACHIEVE SUCCESS | Chris Voss & Lewis Howes

you know most of the time if you see conflict and somebody most will say I had to be fine just keep working on it'll be fine that's all five attorney right instead actually being a great sounding board for somebody and helping them sound that out consequently learning a lot about that person at the same time it sounds like you're going through a lot right now it sounds like you're having a hard time with this yes exactly [Music] welcome back every one of the school grants podcast we've got the iconic Chris boss in the house my man thanks very much super glad you're here you were on I think was about four years ago yeah three years ago four years ago yeah blew my mind with the stuff you're talking about in your book and ever split the difference the book is going on to just take over it seems like every year it gets bigger and reaches more people and it's constantly on the top of the ranks yeah you've now got a master class which is blowing up you've got workshops around the country and I'm assuming soon to be around the world yeah you've got people doing big deals in a an inspiring and a good clean way yeah Hagrid E you're not trying to screw people over you really try to create the win-win experience for people making negotiations which i think is beautiful because there's a lot of people who have especially in La Merced they've been burned by business deals or negotiations they thought they knew the person was in a business deal but then something went south they didn't have their contract set up didn't have the true negotiation set up and they got screwed over and so you're teaching people whether it be in business whether it be in a marriage where the beating just yeah friendships yeah how did it go she ate with integrity so that everyone wins is that right yeah and the cool thing the subtle distinction weekly it's what we hear and what we don't hear on a weekly basis if not daily somebody says I cut a deal it's going to chain change my life really now what they also never say is I they never brag about beating anybody nobody ever gets burned like one of the guys the deal he compensation deal he cut with his employer he says literally this will change my life it's also the best Avenue for his employer to gross company mmm so the company's gonna get huge for giving this guy a great deal nobody ever burns anybody else and the deals of week coach it's amazing which means they don't pick up enemies they only pick up people who want to do business whoa there's a lot of people that burn bridges it seems like right right yeah we don't like burning bridges that's the hardest thing to do I think is to not burn a bridge especially when your emotions are involved right you feel like I've gotten screwed over by this person and this whatever deal we had and I'm gonna burn a bridge I've been there in the past so I'm guilty of this but I feel like your people's emotions get so caught up in their deep thinking and their deal breaking yeah how do we navigate an emotional thing and make it less emotional I guess for deal-making yeah well there's a couple to fight imeem the first one insert in a process to begin with like if you if you can learn to get be genuinely curious I can genuinely curious state of mind it's really close to the mindset of flow also mm-hmm but it's highly positive you're pulling a lot of that you'll never feel backed into a corner you will never burn blow up a bridge if you're acting curious if you're completely curious like if you're calling me names or if you're threatening me yeah there's a lot of threatening going on out there defensive threatening you know I might I might react like one of the things that we found out a couple things we found out about the book we didn't know before the procurement negotiator in business the procurement negotiator is feared people are scared of procurement procurement tend to be very threatened very attacking very very very pushy now flipside is it's unfortunately that's not fair because procurements wanted toughest jobs out there like whoever thought the idea of having a negotiated it's like you know it's a great theory and practicality they got one of the toughest jobs on a planet so they're constantly being backed into a corner by their employer they're backed into a corner they're probably gonna make threats you're on the other side of that threat making you're bent out of shape you're gonna want to threaten back you're gonna not want to deal with them right that's fear-based stuff instead of going like how dare you threaten me because a lot of procurement people make threats you should go like wow what kind of pressure you under somebody makes threats against you in a negotiation chances are they're not a jerk chances are they're under tremendous pressure hmm you know if you don't make this deal with us our company is never gonna deal with you again you know my instinctive reaction is a combative person is like yes screw you I can live without you you're an idiot but instead my best reaction is to say sounds like you're under a lot of pressure because you're not gonna make that threat unless you're feeling tremendous pressure the original question how do I not overreact if I'm really curious about what in the world are you dealing with it's making you act like that right then I won't overreact at the moment what if it's something that's you care about so much it always is your baby your business your thing like what if it's hard so how do you go to a place as a defensive person by default to not be defensive when someone is making an emotional attack on you obviously it's not a life-threatening attack but it feels you know triggering yeah how do you separate that emotional part in your brain and your heart and just say okay I'm not gonna go there I'm just gonna be more curious is it just a matter of practicing it over and over is it well it's a role-playing is it yeah it's a it's any performance its performance skill yeah you know everybody we have in performance skills which is almost all of other than riding a bike you've got three choices and only three for tomorrow stay even be worse get better two out of three of those choices require effort you got you got to put some effort in just to stay Eve somebody did an analogy the other day you know positive frame of mind it's like taking a shower today you can't say well I don't kind of take a shower today because I took one yesterday yeah I don't have to brush my teeth today I brush my teeth yesterday yeah you know the repetitive behaviors to stay at a positive frame of mind are critical because we're naturally wired to be negative you know this crazy little thing in the middle of our head called the amygdala neuroscience has shown us that 75% of the real estate and your amygdala is dedicated to negative thought out 75% and that's not that's not a psyche psychology thing it's mapping the brain with neuroscience imaging we needed that negative attitude when we were running from saber-toothed Tigers on a jungle path to protect us yeah to live yeah we don't live in that world anymore so yeah you gotta constantly I mean we're in Southern California it's a cliche you know I'm so grateful important fact gratitude is a great emotional hack you write down first thing in the morning anywhere from one to three things you're grateful for that's emotional spiritual hygiene you need it every day and if you don't do it every day you deteriorate yeah okay so as a FBI negotiator for 24 years that was FBI agent for 24 years hostage negotiator for the biggest portion this portion how often did you fall backwards and not do 2 to the 3 which you did the the negative part of it where you went backwards where someone was really aggressive or attacking you or saying that one word of the trigger phrase that got you to react how often did that happen as opposed to man what are you going through like it's supposed to be not curious loving negotiator how long loving ass is give you a hug nice Maris how often did you fall back into a negative state I would say you know um it makes no sense and in dealing with the bad guys I never fell back really I would get mad at my bosses and yell at them why my ago she ation you know I when I was the hostage negotiator I was on a bit of a mission I mean you know we were out there people's lives were on the line and it's a it's a frightening environment for everybody who's involved in the rescue if you will and and so you know I was I was determined to that we're gonna stand up for the for the kidnap victims and their families no matter what kind of kind of damage he caused internal and I stepped on those shortage of toes within the US government and the FBI by being really insistent about what I thought was right and I was probably harder on them than I should have been I got I got the question a couple times if you had your career to do over again what would you do differently when Lance has consistently been I'd have been nicer to the people you worked with to the people I worked with and especially the people I work for now I wouldn't have backed off of anything but I would have just been nicer about it you wouldn't have burn bridges I would have burned fuel-rich okay did you burn a lot of bridges yeah burn some you know he burned some and some of them if their heart was in the right place that got over it yeah and if it wasn't I mean I remember being on a secure video conference with a bunch of different elements in National Security Council I'm an FBI headquarters guys for the White House in and I and I got after a little bit I got I was harder harsher spoke harshly to them right and I can remember after the fact um one of two people on the other end of line bill McRaven you know the guy to make your bed and also see stories really he was on the other line he was captain McRaven at the time he's that's a great book speech McRaven's phenomenal guy caught both Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein it's not bad resume McRaven told me there was a NSC Gann White House on the other side after I got them being kind of hard on these guys he said you know they said you made some good points and get off the phone and say that guy was a jerk probably was thinking it but they were willing to admit that I made some good points and they're not everybody's like that they get bent out of shape and they don't get over it but these guys didn't Craig was okay McRaven was a great guy to work for work for with in any way shape or form cool dude Wow great guy that's cool so when when people let's do basic negotiation right here when people are looking to make a deal whether it's in business and it's mostly business negotiation is what I think a lot of people are diving in this but they're doing it with relationships with friendship and a family with kids everything are you in a negotiation when you order coffee Starbucks absolutely what makes it a negotiation because I usually like to make it a game to see what I can do what I can get for free I like to I like to make to see what I can get for a discount what I can get for free and I also just try to make it a game of like how can I change someone's day so I'm always thinking of like okay next better right yeah because a game is fun this again this person is I try to put myself in the person's shoes for yeah in the order yeah and the person who's breaking my drink so I think this is a lot of my yeah because I wanted to be too important so I want a great drink you know cuz I've got a lot of times where it's like ah it doesn't taste as good so I tried to first off say something to the person making the drink because you're waiting in line usually and if you have Starbucks they're you know running around backwards easy right busy making sure I try to say their name really quickly because they usually are the name tag on it right okay so I'll just say you know amela or a Chris after doing amazing like how big a it's going good just try to get a quick little moment of like they'll see me and they'll go back and they're doing that crazy recognition of them as a personal huge being seen I think is something that I always wanted as a kid right and when I learned that that's the thing most las' want is to be acknowledged as a scene that were here that we're alive it makes a difference yeah yeah like ability of just saying oh that's a nice gesture like thank you yeah whether I never see them again or not but it was like it's always something I think about so I'm always trying to communicate with the people around me and just say hello right and smile yeah and then I typically try to say something to the person before I even make my order to the person who's like taking my order and make them smile it's always a game how do I do what I need to say or do to give them the smile that's like they smile they would have a better moment and hopefully that moment turns into better moments moving forward the rest of the day so that's that's what I try to do but no it works it works now you want me lay up for you why that works sure it's helping guide so Sean ackard TED talk to happiness advantage Harvard psychologist you're 31% smarter in a positive frame of mind mmm so you both making people smarter in the moment you make them feel like they exist on a planet and you were showing them recognition which is really close to empathy and you're you're good with it going no farther than that now ideally you get it in return yeah because that's how you get a better drink yeah so first of all as I'm talking to a speaker one time he wrote this website called secret to tell me your secrets anonymously no sharing with the world somebody struggling with what you're struggling death he's telling you at a conference he says he gets a brand new still in rap or coffee cup from Starbucks and the note says I give decaf to people who are mean to me Wow so and stay and then and then as I bring you something different like certain waiters and waitresses and restaurants have told me that if they have a customer that's in a jerk yeah and they asked for decaf at the end of the night they give him coffee with caffeine yeah cuz I know it's gonna cheap ah so you people make it pay in a little waist but but then the other thing I like about it cuz you know got my u2 shirt on yeah so I'm a big fan of Bono as a person in addition to a lyricist a singer and rock star mmm the forgiveness of the African that him and Bob Geldof have negotiated the forgiveness straight forgiveness literally hundreds of millions of dollars of third-world debt and reading ba knows what a woman u2's books and he says you know I've taken a lot of heat because there are pictures of me laughing with Vladimir Putin how dare you laugh with the devil that sort of thing out there you but he said I found out earlier on cuz Russia's got third-world debt they need them to say never mind yeah he said I found out earlier on no matter how despicable the person was on the other side if I could find a way to share a laugh with them early the chances that we're gonna make a deal a very high so he's laughing with dictators and brutal heads of dictatorships not because he's looking to have a good time for him but because he knows how much good he's doing in the world by breaking the ice in that fashion Wow this is what you're doing the slowest of them always yeah it's funny because I remember having a similar interaction with people I went on Ellen a few years ago and then I went on Glenn back within the same 24 hours interesting and people were like how could you go on someone like I'm back after you go on Ellen thinking that he's whatever not is positive or random fashion in this Alan right right and I said to be honest I'm happy to go on anyone's platform who's got an audience because why do I want to only talk to people who think and believe the same way I do or similar way right I want to talk to people who think in different beliefs and try to support them as well and out of well so what empathise about right acquire all day long yeah yeah I mean you're not him for whatever reason in their head they have a reason for what they're thinking mm-hmm and if you hear him out without attacking them in return they're shocked and then their mind opens up a little bit think of like as somebody doesn't believe what I believe I can't have a conversation with yeah it makes all the difference in the world now you've had your book came out four years ago and you told me before we started this that you've learned so much since the book where the biggest findings since the book that you've learned about negotiation or what better deals yeah first of all that you know the entire system was first designed to be successful against the international kidnapper and that profile is almost exactly the profile of the professional negotiator in business really the contracts guide a procurement guy gal almost exactly the same animal so found that and so it's far more useful to people the hard bargainer and business deals they're manure they're probably about twenty five percent of the people that are about about twenty five percent of the people that are out there real sharks they're looking to cut your throat now you might need to make that deal how to deal with them without burning a bridge successfully then having learned so much more about the procurement negotiator i met a procurement negotiation conference probably six months ago they get they got they got a horrible job yeah i mean there are the tremendous pressure their job is ten times more difficult than anybody realizes and you know we'll do one of our training one of our training days this year we usually had fifty people in a room high performers top performers there would always be at least one procurement person in there and they were trying to remain anonymous because they knew how hated they are but while being hated they're decent people who are under tremendous pressure trying to do an extremely difficult job so being much more aware of them and then also the kind of pressure under their getting pounded and tunneling on from so many different direction so that that's been a big one then the other one is how many fake deals there are out there you know I was talking to you earlier about what happens if you could put get 20 what if what if you get 20% of your time back mm-hmm how much more could you get done what do you mean by fate deals people just trying to is you're never gonna get the deal and they're just going back and forth back and forth once they need you as a competing bid they they want free consulting from you mmm they want it they want a lot of secrets first associate secrets and they're never gonna give it to open up your books tell us how much you're making let us do our due diligence right right it's at least 20% of the opportunities that's messed up and actually we think the numbers are much higher that's messed up it's uh well again you can't blame the other side as human there's a there's a lot of human nature involved yeah we're doing doing a lot of coaching in the real estate industry with a gentleman named Steve Steve Shaw performance coach cool guy played in Super Bowl one of the people that have completely adopted our approach in real estate and this is just human dynamic so this is not limited to real estate since she changed her approach about ten months ago she's gone out on 80% fewer appointments mm-hmm real estate of woman's yes gone out 80% less have cut the same number the deals as she did the year before while 80% less work same number of deals and her deals are much more profitable how is that the pre questionnaire is it there's a little bit of an illumination how do you eliminate upfront whether or not somebody is either accidentally on purpose never going to do business with you and not burn the bridge how do you figure that out the you know the simplest ways if you were buying my sauce if you were looking for a negotiation training yeah the first conversation I'd say Louis you know Harvard's out there warden is out there Terrace is out there I gotta like great competitors me I mean these people that are really good why me mm-hmm why would you ever I was a hostage oh sure yeah why would you ever come to a hostage negotiator learn to negotiate there you're gonna do one of two things cuz why triggers defensiveness and every human being on a planet fight I said Louis why'd you wear those shoes right your first thought is like what's wrong my shoes yeah and you might say cuz cuz I like them cuz they're comfortable right defensive yeah that's what do you say that cuz my mom I asked her why all the time and - you're crazy she says to me she says to me six months ago I stopped answering why questions I go why so why is why globally the word wine always creates defensive nasaan anybody we're asking now you may not always be accusing them when you use the word but if I've done something wrong you're gonna say why did you do that yes that's everybody's first response when they think somebody's some and so we hit it enough we're always defensive so but if I say why would you do business with me if you're gonna do it you're gonna defend it you can say well Isis the ocean you know she's pressing so you reverse psychology a bit of our psychology so either you're gonna give me the reasons right away because I've just hit an emotional button in you I've actually hit - huh I've created offensiveness and also it gives you you think I need to be corrected and correction is an addiction it might as well be one of the seven deadly sins I can trick you I can get you to tell me so much more if I if you're correcting me you to say things to media that you would never say to me otherwise interesting I really like I don't think I've ever thought of this so inside that's why we do what we do so I think I actually started doing this unintentionally but I know I wasn't saying why necessarily but I remember I was trying to I had this high ticket mastermind called the greatest mastermind for the last three years we actually just put it on pause for this year because I'm putting my effort and energy into other things but I noticed the time it took from year one I was doing all these phone calls to sell people to get into the master one right and it was a thirty five thousand our price point and it worked fine because people weren't applied they were you know they showed interest and it worked your one your two I remember I said I'm gonna do no phone calls I'm gonna save my time cuz I was paying an hour on the phone telling people but just making sure they're qualified it was a lot of time yes your to I said I'm only doing emails and I'm gonna essentially get them to it'll roll themselves in it for me and I started passing certain questions I don't think I was saying why me when you can go to this mastermind and this coach and this I wasn't saying that but I was more asking them to enroll themselves in it for me say you know what's the purpose in you joining in the last year I did something similar it was just like I had someone else on the phone say why do you want to be a part of this with Louis specifically not not saying there's all these other options but just going why didn't be part of this and then he would listen to them say why they wanted to be a part of it but I don't think I had the perfect system the way you talked about it but I think that's and I never had to jump on a phone call I'm never gonna do an email and people just enrolled in a higher price point every year which was powerful yeah I like this approach to sing you know there's all these other options out there why do you want to get with me I mean we never badmouth a competition right right I say the great why me now the other responses can be now here's what you're really looking for these are the people that you're not gonna do business with if somebody looks back you say well that's up to you yeah I like that yeah yeah you convinced me yeah well and in point of fact that's a defensive reaction on the airport vision drive decision if they if you sit somebody sits down with you and they don't have a vision of doing business with you in their head already you can't put it there mmm really you can't inception them no well no you can I need to diagnose whether or not there's anything in there yeah well if it is also I mean the return on my time like I get people to want to do business with me right now yeah because you your most valuable commodities your time you were just talking about time mm-hmm what do you and I have it's exactly this what's our commodity that's an equal to warren buffett's it can't get it back Warren Buffett's got 24 hours we got 24 hours you can't get it back so I could chase a deal for a long time or I can take the deals the people that are ready to do business with me now and there are enough people ready to do business with me now that the chase is probably a fool's errand right now coming to that is really hard very few people can do it early in a business career because they're so desperate for opportunity to think it makes no sense to not chase every opportunity and everybody that we've taught this to who's been in business for any length of time you can just see the light go on look man I've been hustling for years those people and yeah they said I didn't need to hustle those people I know well the only thing you needed is to develop a gut instinct for the people that aren't worth the hustle you know I guarantee you anybody attends your mastermind no matter what you charge for it and it's gonna be cheap money for them right but if my mindset isn't there to start with if I show up I'm not gonna pay attention my mind is gonna be another place I'll be wasting my time right you don't sell those people anyways you want to get the people that already have a vision of working with you it sounds like right or yeah a vision working with you where they realize the visions align and now now this is a great collaboration right but if the divisions or the values the core if the core values don't align well I mean what if there's someone who's just starting out in a business they maybe don't have the reputation they don't have the credibility yet they don't have the audience size where people aren't coming to them seeking them out yet they're trying to make a name for himself the new real estate agent who's never done a deal the new videographer who's trying to get their first client like how do you get them to say well why do you want to work with me if I've never had the experience it was then that could be Lancer that question Joshua so but you think there's there's another there's another way to do it I'm an attorney I hired recently had a very specific issue wrote a white paper on that topic and put it out mm-hmm so I already knew knew what he was talking about he put that up he demonstrated an expertise in the area he took the time to do the research he took the time to review the issues he took the time to write this white paper and he put it out there it was an issue that we were struggling with internally I had an intern at the time he says that finest attorney wrote this wiping like powerful bang we went in right away and I and I knew that that he had it so if you're just starting out put an article on LinkedIn demonstrating what you know at that point in time credibility yeah you know people people want it well yeah people want to know if you understand and so you can be brand new in an industry and develop an understanding of some aspect of that in an industry in short order LinkedIn is one of those great it's a marketing tool it's a marketing platform put a piece out on LinkedIn yeah pretty pretty good chance it's gonna create some more back and forth there's gonna be a bunch of people that are gonna be critical of you nine out of ten of them I'm gonna know what they're talking about but a couple of people who are on your side will add some comments that'll help you find what you know and now you've just demonstrated you're bringing value to the table of you walk right one of the most common negotiations that everyone goes through on a daily basis Wow any well any time somebody is get the words I want or I need coming out of that mouth you're in a negotiation you're in a negotiation right the commodity that's always at stake is time yeah so you know I'm in a negotiation when I check into a hotel because I want free upgrade or typically I'm in a hotel early and a lot of hotels wanna charge you're really checking for you I don't want to pay that fee right or a late check-out or late check-out they don't want to give late check outstanding buddy that's not one of those super executive I'm always pushing for that three four five PA blame checkout right right yeah so I mean they could do that for you yeah if they felt like it you know never be mean to somebody who could hurt you by doing nothing mm-hmm well everybody you interact with could hurt you by doing nothing which if you take to the flip side of that coin is they could do something for you if they felt like it lads how do you make them feel like it demonstration a little bit of understanding recognition of them is you and being let's go back to your Starbucks example you're trying to show them that you're not treating them as a clerk behind the Starbucks counter that they're actually a human being you say the name hey how you doing today it's not that you're saying how you're doing but I guarantee you that the way that you say that is you're saying in a way where it's my intention that for the brief moment that you interact with me at least your day will be better yeah and their gut instinct is gonna pick that up so the minute you're no longer demanding now your little negotiation with a lyft driver is he gonna is he gonna come out of the lyft app and go into another app that is even faster is is he gonna is he gonna drive the slow lane the whole time yeah was he gonna try to get around the traffic to save you a few minutes you see the lyft driver he or she are they gonna make some extra effort for you yeah you know there's a million things everybody could do no matter how simple the job this you talk to a woman that probably out three years ago she said you know we buy music from movies and the people on the other side of just the order takers it's not a negotiation yes it is the way you interact with them on on phone if they write down which song you're after was Sony or whoever it is do they take your order and they walk it down to the hall to the guy who executes order they put them on a bottle a pile because they didn't like the way you spoke to all right you know there's a million one things people could do for you if they just felt like right so if on a regular basis you're trying to give somebody a nice a day you know turn around they will have done something for you for free yeah and then stuff accumulates what's the what's the formula or process to get people to do things just because they feel like it well you know it's it's really it's kind of sound stupid yeah smiling nice smiling neuroscience behind a smile if you smile at somebody you actually hit their mirror neurons you start a smile in their brain smile is an involuntary response mirror luar neuron mirror neurons in their brain it's the same as if the doctor hits your knee with little hammer and your leg kicks forward you didn't choose to have your leg kick forward it's an involuntary response so somebody sees you and you smile you've instantly hit their mirror neurons you started a chemical change now they might bite it and sometimes you get in three smiles right by a third smile and you get them smiling too yeah so you've already started the processing and then your inner voice betrays your outer voice when you say how are you to somebody at the Starbucks your inner voice is saying I'm trying to make your date better I die I want you to be a happier person they're gonna feel it if your inner voice is saying like how are you today I need my Starbucks coffee and I need to get out of here and I hate this line then I hate how long you guys if that's in your voice they're gonna feel that they're gonna be pouring decaf and it's instead of the other kind so your entire approach the neuroscience shows us the person is picking it up and responding and so your body language your tone of voice the greatest negotiators in the world really maximize that because it's an invisible skill yeah but it's a skill you can change it's awesome and learn and learn you can teach it you can learn it you could practice it all you got to do is get your repet get your repetitions and um John Foley is a Blue Angel pilot I've heard him speak about four years ago he talked about how long does it take to build a habit how much training do you need he called her groovin uh put a groove in your brain the Blue Angels you know they got to build their habits before they get up in the sky otherwise a jet crashed I was in a Blue Angel two years ago it was crazy man that had to been an adrenaline I threw up twice I was sick the whole time it's sick for three days afterwards I've got a weak stomach but it was unbelievable at the same time they needed to know what they were doing all for sure they can't learn up there right mazing to watch them so close just like feet away from each other and Mach one or however faster or five with her yeah that's crazy yeah alright so Foley said how do they get that good they practice he said 63 to 64 repetitions to put it in your brain and another guy wrote the talent code Daniel Coyle yeah he talked about perfect practice yeah you could go excruciating ly slow as long as you do it right and the first time you try any skill you probably go slow you come to one of the training sessions that my company puts on I'm gonna say say this word for word take your time mm-hmm and then react in the moment we have a one of the negotiation tools is what we call a label when I say something to you I want you to label it I don't care if you have to stare at me for 10 minutes label it label it it seems like it sounds like it looks like a labels of verbal servation okay but I need you use those exact words and if I say I love teaching negotiations now label my emotion your emotion the emotion that I displayed when I said I love teaching negotiations to labeled I do say the three things it seems like it sounds like your it looks like lazy say all three of them you pick one of those straight say alright I'm gonna say it again and I want you to say word-for-word it sounds like and then fill in the blank okay I love teaching negotiation it sounds like you love teaching ago she Asian yeah now that's enough now to start with what just happened is you demonstrated it perfectly okay cuz the important part is you have to say the first three words that actually fires the brain mmm and you did exactly what I thought you would do we said it sounds like you fired the brain and then you open yourself up to whatever your brain put in that's why I wanted you to actually say the words the axial specific words because your brain will kick into gear and say something huh now your first label every time you fire the synapse you get a little bit better there's a substance called myelin your brain wraps a substance it's an electrical synaptic connection in your brain and anybody you know if you know anything about electricity every time the insulator fires a little bit better mmm fire at 63 to 64 times according to the Blue Angel pilot and you got a nice circuit built and it'll fire quickly and then you start to hear it so we'll fire it again okay and I want you to label it again I love teaching negotiation sounds like you love teaching ago she ation I now dig a little bit deeper explain it more no no just another label but use another adjective it sounds like teaching them he sounds like X I love teaching ago she ation it sounds like you're passionate aver you go see perfect yeah now you came up with another world uh-huh now it stopped you for a second yes and you you kicked in you you know you you let that supercomputer come up with another word like yeah now interestingly enough this is a way in a business negotiation because a great business deal is an alignment of core values just like a great personal relationship is an alignment a core value I'm sitting on a plane flying in here this morning I found out more about the guy sitting on a plane next to me then he's told anybody in 20 years with the same kind of an exercise what do you do for a living what do you love about it and when he when he tells me I now know the guy sitting next to on a plane he's got an adopted daughter she was adopted when she was six months old from China his mother struggled with bipolar manic depressive she committed suicide at age 17 mmm he was raised by his grandparents his grandfather survived the depression his grandfather at one point in time going into the oppression owned 11 banks at all went bankrupt he had to start completely over him his grandfather used to tell him mmm I lost 11 fortunes his grandfather looked to live off the land they love to they love to make things by hand this guy's a very successful contractor here in Los Angeles no and he's constantly constantly constantly working on improving yourself married to his first wife they're their business partners they work together they work in different aspects of the business I mean I had lost track the number things I find but this guy I know I know about this guy from when he was three years old - now now in the space of would sound like a normal social conversation I know this guy's incredibly loyal he's very practical well he's very hardworking he I just I just flew in from Vegas he was in Vegas because he was in a competitive poker time mmm he likes reading mmm he's a very hard worker from what I know from this guy from what this perceived social conversation I know that we could do business together and if we run into trouble I have a pretty good idea of what to expect from him and how to deal with those problems if we run into trouble with the very sort of the thing that you and I did just now Wow you know you starts you a stuff out so he asked her a question and he says something you would use one of those responses it seems like it sounds like yeah it feels like it feels like looks like it could be it looks like look Zack I might be reading your byline well it looks like you're not that interested into it even though you said you were your body language telling me something different exactly yeah and then and then see if you see that in somebody's body language your point before about Starbucks about actually seeing a person that same thing is going on and they might not even know it you know every night I get people go like yeah you know let me struggle with this for one really and really conflicted about it and they find themselves open it up because you know most of the time if you see conflict in somebody most you will say I had to be fine just keep working on it'll be fine right it's all part right instead actually be the great sounding board for somebody and and helping them sound that out consequently learning a lot about that person at the same time it sounds like you're going through a lot right now it sounds like you're having a hard time with this yes like exactly or that's exactly right and you start to become a tremendous sounding board for people so what happens to that person when you respond in one of those three or four ways of it sounds like feels like looks like what does that person feel on the other side when you're showing that type of they feel connected with they feel very connected with thee they feel seen you know they feel like they're a person on the planet they feel like suddenly in the night just another part of the Thundering Herd that nobody's paying attention to yeah they feel at least that last week we're doing a training with some some some pretty tough business people and one of the guys in this exercise they're saying like I found myself talking about stuff that happened when I was seven years old well he said I can tell you something I feel transformed right now and so we stopped the group at that point in time and we said all right so now based on Larry talking about that sort of a change what kind of a guy is he to deal with mmm he's a pretty decent guy yeah you now have gotten a glimpse into him as more as a total human being which means if he does something that you perceived to be a negative move he did it accidentally or you misinterpreted it which means it's okay to go back to him instead of you know letting the rage build up in you because you misinterpreted somewhere he did it by accident he's a decent guy if he if he slighted you he did it by accident right you can't go back to him and bring it up and say hey I got to tell you I got a problem with this mmm he's probably gonna open up because just based on its real this three minute exercise you find out about he opened up then so you'd probably yeah he's a decent human being and every human being is gonna hurt you principally inadvertently so you go back to them and and find out what's behind it and make them aware because they're gonna want to know yeah every human being is gonna hurt you everybody one way or another is going to do something accidentally on purpose it's gonna hurt you feeling we're gonna we're gonna Turpin it as negative the vast majority of the time yeah when in fact it was probably a complete accident there's a really good chance to get no idea they hurt your feelings you need to know which one it was did they do it on purpose do they know they did it the numbers are that they did it by accident and other numbers are there's a really good chance he didn't know they did it right you know I went I went to uh you know a lamp flame work for him a couple years ago yeah talk about making amends with people and talking to people of hurt you and so one of young ladies got a whole program yeah one of the young ladies in it was like you know when I was seven this a girl who's my cousin you know they bullied me you know he said something to hurt me I you know it's thirty years I haven't like oh wow so we talked about it they talked about it and she said she went she decided go to the person and just cuz to forget to forgive is it leg up you know not forgiving is like taking poise and hoping the other person dies right I heard that yeah so she goes to this girl and she says I want you to know I forget the girl didn't even remember she got no memory she was just being a stupid kid at the I should you know those they put it seven right yeah they're joking around and they're in so long to her for that long thirty years the other person doesn't even know so a by nature would joking around with somebody and we accidentally say something that wounded him mm-hmm but they don't feel they can talk to us they're gonna carry it for thirty years yeah if I heard it if I heard somebody I want to know yeah you know I read somewhere I'm gonna be like I'm an idiot you know yeah I had no idea I did that to you yeah I know I did was there anything from the emotional intelligence training landmark that added to your curriculum of negotiations that you didn't already know or used before yeah well not cuz it's all a knurled been a woven the biggest thing that jumped out at me is it occurred to me that somebody hurts somebody else without even knowing they did it like in in in in a master class thing you know they did a great job the master class people are phenomenal yeah so we're wondering it's a very tail end of it and they got me talking about this guy bullying me when I was a kid you yeah yeah yeah and and I had I had I had literally never told anybody about this Wow so you know it's and it happened when I was a little kid yeah I'd literally had never told anybody about it not even through landmark or anything nothing and they get it out of me at master class they catch me off guard over it you know and to this day this is one of the reasons why I hate boats no I want to become an FBI agent because you know we want to go after the bad guys cuz the bad guys are bullies and there's nothing I like better than getting a bully that's victimizing somebody else and I think it was instilled on me than what happened why was it when I was a kid but then I started comparing that to this this interaction I heard a landmark where somebody bullied somebody else they ain't even know they did it mm-hmm and then I began thinking about like how many people if I hurt that I don't even know why like they would come up to me today and said you're gonna carry this for 40 years and I have to have done that to somebody right have to I know I somebody yeah yeah so it's you know that this this forgiveness thing is a two-way street and also being a being you know who do I need to go back to that I could think of mm-hmm then I and say look like since I know that inadvertently I'm a jerk did I what'd I do I'm sure I did something I had to have done something then it's an it's an interesting dilemma all sort of part of you know being a better person anyway which I know is what will your dedicate it to it's almost it seems like it's really hard especially if you're a public figure that has an audience that you're gonna say something or do something that's going to a fang someone right and all the times yes like you're always going to be offending someone if you have a voice right there you something your point of view right your point of view is going to reach a certain audience is one of you but not the rest of us one of you so it's like you're always hurting people aren't you yeah well some level you're like offending or hurting or frustrated and there hurts gonna be defensive in reaction yeah look or they miss interpreter or you you hit a button with them yeah that you didn't even you had maybe you didn't hit the button but you came close to a button that kind of hurt beefy lows and you know and interestingly enough we see this a lot with the procurement people that come to our training I'm really careful to say look look I know you guys fear procurement and and this is about dealing successfully with German and we had one person in the training ago I work in procurement and you criticized you said procurement people were bad and I said as a matter of fact that's not what I said but I came so close to your hot button that it hit it anyway yeah and I spent some time with this woman and she was afraid that that was what I meant and but didn't know how to approach me yeah and when it came up subsequently I said no as a matter of fact procurement has one of the most difficult jobs are planning you guys are both you spend your days either herding cats or getting chased by villagers with pitchforks right yeah it's it one of the other yeah and she was like yeah yeah it's really tough I was just afraid that that's what you meant hmm that was that amygdala that we were talking about before the seventy-five percent negative yeah we're all equipped with that and when someone even comes close to a criticism then we're afraid that that's what they mean in their hurt how do you take criticism not well I've never really been good at it until I want to say I've mastered it I think I've gotten better over the last six years I started like say okay let me not react to this criticism like they probably have some good intention they're trying to tell me and maybe there's some truth there so let me start to listen to the feedback or the criticism and say okay how can I be better is there any truth in there that really resonates or they come from a place of anger of their own thing criticism is mostly fear driven I don't worsen criticizing right yeah yeah and and a you criticize that an important of fact you've been hurt you've been disappointed you've been frustrated you know there's a lot of things so you know never take advice from anybody you wouldn't trade places with criticism is a form of advice but you're afraid to tell people how to do stuff so you just criticize what they do mmm-hmm some people and then they get it becomes an addiction for some people criticism is not a great behavior I know you've heard the phrase nobody's doing better than you will ever criticize you know they'll mentor you right so first of all how do I take criticism it I got to take a step back and understand if somebody's coming at me with just a criticism even if they ask permission to criticize they got some they get struggles that are worse than mine again if they ask you to give you criticism I be you know they're an open wound at that point yeah yeah so I'm not gonna I'm gonna say yeah sure go ahead right I'm gonna they've already told me they're probably coming from a difficult place not you guys yeah so what I'm gonna try to do is just kind of take it easy on them and understand where they're coming from a blog I'm a big fan of Eric Barker writes his great blog barking up the wrong that's great Eric told me one time for every every hater there's gonna be ten people that are on your side so when a critic comes up to me I see that as there are 10 people you're indicating to me that I'm successful with nine other people and I'm not going to get down on this person because it's very easy to get down on them because unfortunately they're coming from a negative place yeah that's good to know what's a role-playing exercise that anyone could do with a friend that would make them a better negotiator sliding get whoever you're talking to to say the magic two words that's right which means you got to summarize where they're coming from if you hmm and in any given interaction if you got a point want to make yeah before you make it your trigger you're not allowed to make your point so give me the example and you want the other person you're well pointing what to say that's right okay so you were telling me about critics yeah you're a high profile guy you're about helping other people which means you get criticized a lot that's right and when you get criticized I mean I you know I wouldn't say you're empathic I love your I would say you're probably more compassionate those are two different things hmm empathy is you have to have empathy to be compassionate but empathy is not compassion compassion is the next step empathy is a compassionate thing to do genuinely and understanding somebody but there's a real fine line there that distinct things and I think you have a tremendous amount of compassion for people so you know that when someone criticizes you they're attacking hmm but you also know that they've been hurt and they're struggling so you want to know how to respond to them and have them better as a result of the interaction instead of coming back and making him feel worse and you struggle with that because you to attack mm-hmm and you try not to try not to fire back at ya see when I have a conversation with someone if you could summarize their point of view first summarize the other person's wound when you summarize the other put what the other person struggling with in any type of deal-making in any type of the business deal a relationship buying coffee upgrading whatever it is right gotcha yeah then after that you can make your point make a point or make your proposal or or yeah or whatever so if you're trying to get copyrighted if you're trying to get upgrade on the airport you know on a plane or hotel okay or trying to supersize me for free right you're trying to get some type of upgrade for free right we'll just do the same thing would you say I know you're going through it seems like it's been a long day for you well you can look at them till where that's gonna be a long day so right off the base a long day right and then as as soon as you you ready to make your ask what's there in this instinctive response that need your creation what's that gonna be what I make it ask once you've made your ass uh-huh what's there put of somebody's trying to get something for free yeah what's a typical needs your creation now this person is just trying to get something for free from me right so and everyone does this or there you go everyone's doing this yeah so you woke up and you're like hey look man I know I'm gonna seem like just another jerk who's trying to get something for free somebody who treats you like you were their servant somebody who doesn't care about you could care less whether you live with that they only care that you're law you're alive long enough to make my coffee because that's what the other guy's thinking how do you articulate what they're thinking especially the negative stuff about you when you say that they're gonna be like [Music] but what you did was you just woke them up you know you you won't you snap them out of the negative loop that's in their head because the last guy come in said yeah and I want it now I hate waiting life stuff do you do this all the time all day long are you constantly in a game of negotiation with people it's it said you know that I brush my teeth today just because I brush them yesterday you know I I Det I genuinely I got to keep my skills up yeah cuz it's either stay even decline or get better and I want to keep my skills up the mercenary in me does it because I got to keep my skills up the missionarying me does it because I actually care about people yeah I just assumed that you had a good day yeah you know that you didn't that my interaction with you didn't leave you worse that my interaction with you left you better everybody we encounter should be left better by the interaction how important is the intention before you walk up to the toffee shop before you go to the hotel before you get on the phone with the the other business owner to make a deal before you have a conversation with your partner about where you're going at dinner do you set an intention first like walking into the hotel you're like this is what I'm gonna say this is the result that I want to get out of this this is the the way I wanna leave people feeling the attention the intention is you know I I wanna I want you to have fun with the interaction the other person yeah I wouldn't have fun if I'm fine if I'm playful if I'm intending for you to have fun you know I'm in a department store yeah I'm joking around with a gibe United Canada and I go I gotta tell you what you know what how about if you give me the employee discount right can you employee discount I'll say it like that give me the employee discount Guyana store says if I give you the employee discount I'm gonna have to pay for it myself yeah and I go oh pay you back that's it just like that he went a started walk around asking people how we can key key it in and give me the same discount without having to pay it himself he walked around the store for 10 minutes really I and I saw I saw him walk up two managers one of someone else's and on his way back another employee walked up to him on the side whispered in his ear anyway okay and he walked up and I get 30% off Wow but you didn't pay him back was just like a playful I just you know yeah I just I just was being playful about it just being silly about it and what's the best way to get an upgrade at a hotel for you alright so a slightly different take on approach yes my son does this all the time my son Brandon runs my business he's our best negotiator he prides himself when we all come into a hotel he's got to be in a better room than me and I'm the boss that's hilarious and as far as I'm concerned I'm paying the bills yeah of course he got an upgraded in a hotel one one time then I couldn't even get on the floor you need a special key yeah good good you mean the other guys were gonna hey we'll come up to your room because none I got you guys I got to come get you I said no we'll just come knock on your door let's know you can't even get on a floor I'm on he paid less for his room than I paid for mine well I'm the boss but you walk up to somebody and say I'm getting ready to make your day your day the most difficult day you ever worked here and he says just somebody works behind a counter or hotel I mean God knows what they've seen you know have you got a head in the bag do you wanna are you gonna have ritual sacrifice in a room or you know what have you done you've done it because in a hotel they've seen every every kind of sort of crazy thing you could imagine and they just go oh god what is it he goes I'm just gonna be another self-centered person looking for a free upgrade they're like oh my god that's it that's it yeah and they're there immediately through the roof and I start checking in and this yeah you know uh yeah I tell you what let me let me give you this room it's on it's on exclusive floors in a Presidential Suite president ain't coming so I'm gonna give you the president I know the president ain't coming tonight we're holding a suite for him just in case you could have it he's not gonna be here Wow I remember for my interview the last time I think if my memory is right you would say one of the strategies is leading with like being challenging in a certain way or I'm gonna be like I'm gonna be do by any Ally isn't that something that you talk to a little bit yes you know that way right I I'm gonna if if I know you're gonna react negatively yeah to my ask I will give you a preview that makes it worse look worse than what it's gonna be yeah so what do you call that that for lack of a better term it's emotional anguish emotional anchoring emotional anchoring you know we will do price anchoring you know but we'll do emotional angry if if you're not gonna like what I have to say I'm gonna say look you like this right and then I'm gonna shut up because you're Megan's gonna kick into gear and you're gonna think that I'm gonna insult you your parent they just your family you genealogies everything cuz the amygdalas gonna go into overdrive so whatever I ask for after that it's gonna be relief and I'm doing that also because I need to keep an eye on how you feel when we're done hmm not as much how you feel at the start but how do you feel when we're done so you want something to be it's okay if they start off in a lower energetic or negative attitude as long as when you finish they feel like okay it got better over time yeah you feel good at the end the last impression is a lasting impression interesting and that's unavoidable yeah it's a it's what we refer to as a law of gravity it doesn't you know we have gravity we can't explain why gravity works but you're still not gonna step off the balcony because gravity is it right the last impression is a lasting impression no matter see so I need to more than anything else make sure that the last impression is possible or at least feels collaborative let's say you've been in a negotiation with someone or your business partner with someone or you've been in and out a long negotiation for six months or so either one I've been a business partner working together for a year or two or you've been trying to find a deal with someone else for a year - right and I'll take it too long both options have taken too long that haven't you haven't been getting the results you want and you feel like you've been taking advantage of a little bit let's just say that how do you and it's going you started off good and it's going the opposite way right it's getting worse and worse how do you finalise it so that it goes back to a high or a higher mark leaving you feeling better and leaving the other person feeling better okay or you get out of it yeah or you just get out of it but you just say okay I'm done bye I don't want to talk to you how do you not burn a bridge if you're in that situation I probably say some of the effective look you're not gonna like this to start with the emotional anchoring right interesting this isn't for me and I'm sorry but I'm afraid I can't do it anymore mmm now my problem here has been that I like you mm-hmm I've always liked you and the stuff that we've done together successfully he's been phenomenal and I would like nothing better than at some point of time in the future for us to be able to get back to that mmm but for right now in order to preserve the memories of the positive things we've done I gotta be I'm out now Wow how do I remember that so every time what situation I can say that same thing what's a little bit of a sequence and the sequence is we need to stop what we're doing right now but if we're gonna stop what we're doing right now what everybody thinks of is where's this going in the future so I get I got to create a point in time for the future that we're both happy with so there's still a bridge there you know there's still there's still a night as all the future yeah maybe it's a year maybe that's never gonna happen but you keep it open I'm open to it I want kind of I'm finishing positively but I am finish yeah because you the last words that I the last two sentences maybe even just a last sentence I've got a ring in your ears over and over and over because that's what your brain is always gonna go back to the last impression how did I make you feel at the end I think you make me feel valued and you're gonna appreciate the fact that I walked away without calling your name mmm but I walked away right that's hard to do yeah it well it's hard get you get you practicing and you get a good practice yeah you know you just you work on a few times most of the time what people have at the end is the the battle for the last word is when the last word is a cheap shot right that's when people threw you to hang out right and I'm gonna call you back to say screw you right back and then I've got a hang-up yeah you know there's a battle of the last words of our last words a cheap shot but when the last word is a positive thing it's not a problem it's always ending APOD with positive words right even if you feel taken advantage of even if they hurt you even if they screwed you over or whatever you should always try to hand in a positive way yeah without question because if you're talking to them then your goal was to resolve things and to have a great relationship now you might say that at the very beginning of the interaction but it's more important to say it at the end hmm you know my goal was always to have a great relationship with you and if we can get out of this dynamic that would be my goal again but right now I'm out but understand that at any point of time we can go back to working collaboratively I'd love to do it oh that's good yeah so usually what it is is take take what you said at the beginning and at least say it again at the end that's good yeah like that what is something that you did is a hostage negotiator with terrorists around the world that you use today in just common interactions is there something that you did at the height of like this intense conversation that you knew you do on a daily basis pretty much everything won't talk about yeah you know I'm gonna I'm gonna make a verbal observation on how the processing things yeah it seems like it seems like it sounds like it feels like yeah yeah though that's the bread butter of great hostage negotiation really yeah it's having them be seen or heard yeah I think I understood you know people are taking actions to make a point what happens if you could make the point without taking the action they're taking actions to make a point right and you're saying you don't need to take that action because I hear you yeah let me see what happens if I can if I can if you and it makes no sense at all but I'm going to take probably 90% of a terrorist agenda away just by making them feel hurt making a him or her feel hurt ah then then I'll deal with whatever I have to afterwards but let's say I could only take away 10% of their agenda by making fueler yeah what what if I could only take away 1% of their actions by making them feel hurt that's worth the investment to me it's worth it let me see what's left over after they feel hurt it's less less fingers they're cutting off less people they're blowing up whatever right yeah listen yeah what is uh what's the best approach say I'm looking to buy a company I'm looking to acquire something I really like this software this tool this agency I want to buy what's the best approach without seemingly or thinking like oh if I come to them like I'm too needy I really want them that I'm all the power hey what's the best approach if someone that wants to buy something yeah completely counterintuitive what are all their arguments for making you pay the high price state them first because what that actually does is it leaves them with nothing to say so eight mile long very nice exactly right hey Milo yeah we used to waste use it that day clip from a mile all the time so good articulate everything they got to say so for instance if I'm an agency you want to buy me right like any what would you say if I'm like my business is growing we've got endless attention we're helping clients with big results we're we're growing as fast as possible and you're like wow this company is really wrong we got to get him now before they're too big what would you do you call me up on the phone do you write me an email Bennett hey hey I wanna meet for coffee what's the best approach person email following video conferencing you could have it anyway alright I'd say look I probably say right off the bat like like I'm completely blown away with what you're doing you guys are phenomenal you're on the upswing you guys are killing it I'm gonna seem like a cheapskate I'm gonna seem like I'm trying to get something for nothing so emotional anchoring yeah is it a ridiculous idea for us to talk about you selling me getting something for nothing is that he said - yeah Wow okay because I'd start off with appreciation yeah I've lured your expectations of me and see the last thing that I did also was I did what we refer to as a no oriented question but instead of saying would you like to buy would you like me to would you like to talk to me about selling your company I'd say is it a ridiculous idea for us to talk about you selling me your company what if I say yeah it's kind of ridiculous and we're done I never had a shot to begin with uh-uh see this is about keeping me out of deals that either I'm never gonna make her I don't wanna lease so it's a view six months you're like potentially in a two minute phone call right but if they say yeah we're growing super fast it'd be it'd be hard for me to really want to sell right now but you know you made me a great offer me I'd be open and I'd say sounds to me like there's just no way they'll be able to ever make it does I need a great offer yeah yeah if you say something like that to me what you're actually doing is trying to get a really high bid out of me to soothe your ego mm-hmm you want to go back to the boys and say you know what we're worth 150 million dollars and I turned it down mmm because in five years we're gonna be worth 450 million Wow so that kind of look that kind of a question is you want to bid for me to make you feel good hmm you're not seriously gonna buy it by laying it out like that you're you're not seriously gonna entertain selling what if you as a business owner were like we really we really need something like this we need an agency like this to help us grow but if you're in a position like we got to find an agent like this it's not this agency someone close to it in order to help us grow would you say okay let me go look at the other options internally to yourself or would you keep that one open so you can potentially come back in six months if something happens or well then then my the last thing I'm probably gonna say is how do I help you grow faster than you've got the means to get there on your own mmm you know my guess is based on your rate of improvement what would you say is a high high multiple of how much you guys are gonna grow how you get there we have to start talking about because now and this is this is a typical dilemma for a lot of companies that are buying other companies because the company wants to sell today is more worried about today's price as opposed to the amount of money that they could be worth in the future and they're leaving this future money on the table yeah like let's say your company's worth nine million dollars but you had a buddy sell his company for 12 so you're not taking less than 12 for your company now it's worth nine I can only buy it for eight yeah but I can take you to 200 in three years so you got to show them the future potential as opposed to now the contrast the fear of loss is our ultimate decision-making tool people most of the time will sacrifice the future because of the present but what you need to do is not sacrifice the future over the president so I'll say to you so two million dollars today is worth more to you than 130 million dollars in three years wow that's good and then you go like wait a minute no it doesn't make any sense it seemed very frailer for people right because people who almost always framed on the wrong thing yeah almost always framed on today as opposed to where could we be tomorrow yeah I love this stuff I got a couple more workshops it'd be a lot of fun but I got a job it's a two-day workshop today how can people sign up for this where can they go right so go website Black Swan Ltd calm okay the the hat to that is actually to sign up for the newsletter because we always put the announcements for that stuff in the newsletter and you get the employee discount so the news we you get the Chris discount you put those in there so every six months they get a little discount for people that sign up to the newsletter yeah but the newsletter has a text to sign up okay send text f.b.eye empathy all one word lowercase FBI empathy don't let your spellcheck put a space between FBI empathy if you send that to the number two to eight to eight twenty to eight twenty eight FBI empathy you'll get a response back to sign up for the newsletter once a week short sweet article on how to get better as a negotiator right now and then plus it's a link to the website it's linked to everything it's good stuff newsletter workshops Hoffy and doing the workshops once a month once a month all are on country all across country the book is available never split the difference amazing book buy it on Amazon to the best price and is there an audio version of you speaking it there well I didn't I didn't speak it everyone else did professor professional professional did it well I'll get that to you I gotta listen to that for me I feel like you can never get enough negotiation training you can always you know it's like you suck you said you're getting you're getting stay the same getting better or getting worse right and if you're looking to be to grow in your life with relationships with your career with business negotiation is going to be the key is mastering that so that both parties feel like they're getting a great deal right yeah that's the key so go get the book audiobook I'm one of the workshop I'm gonna go this year so if you have it in LA I'm coming to dome in LA we're gonna have one in LA okay I'm gonna come alright yeah well yeah absolutely palmitate I'm there yeah if sometime this year you're doing one and you also a master class yeah that master class is out there it's out in this talks just breaks down a lot of workshop which by the way is the sign of the Apocalypse if Martin Scorsese and I are in the same class coming to it's amazing well it just shows you how needed this information is and how important this stuff is psychology behind negotiating and they can go there and get that and they you break down a lot of role playing there and other exercises as well right there's some good stuff in there yet number of exercises some we get some exercises that we don't have anywhere else at all okay and I see more on Instagram now a little bit I don't know if that's you or your son oh it's it's it's me putting that stuff out there and Instagram is Instagram is a good platform like the stuff that's out there I follow your stuff on Instagram in these and it's a great way to tap into some people that are putting out some short sweet messages that you know what I like to tap into the people that are helping other people get better which is that yeah which is what's on your on your platform which is what I like to that's great man why would I now to Chris for for constantly transitioning from what you learned saving the world to actually helping everyday people save their world yeah you know transferring those skills and sharing it with us the thing I love about you is you dive deeper into the same thing and just trying to spread it to more people you're not trying to take down all these new things you're just going in the one thing that your master at yeah and we're going deep yeah helping a lot of people save money make money and really have just better relationships at the end of the day it's a relationship yeah there's a teacher you're teaching how to be better in relationships how to build bridges as opposed to creative walls between PJs it's a lot of walls every day that we created whether it be the Starbucks a hotel a hostage and so I'd now you for the consistent work you're doing I really value it and I know a lot of people as well thanks man appreciate I don't know if I asked me this question last time so I'll ask you again and see if it changed imagine if your last day on earth many years from now Wow your is always you want to be 100 200 however old you can be and eventually you got to turn the lights off it's your last day and you can pick the day but for whatever reason all the content you've created over the next year's you've got to take that information with you so no one has access to your books your workshops and master classes it's gone with you to the next place but you get to leave behind a message to the world the three things you know to be true about everything that you've gone through yeah that you would share with the world three lessons or what I like to call it a three truths what would you say the three things you can share with us yeah be curious be nicer be grateful simple powerful yeah any one of those will put you in a mindset where you're gonna achieve a lot more than you would ever imagine I mean that that'll that'll that'll put you on a path and if you're grateful you recover if you're nicer yeah yeah your wound last I mean if you're curious you learn more so recover nice to learn it is yeah one less wow I don't take you a long way that's great and what's your definition of greatness geez yeah maybe maybe having a sense of what you could be you know it really is again another cliche it's not about how you do against other people it's how did you you know what was that what would happen if you met the person you could have been mm-hmm you know it's a probably probably spectacular person yeah so you know everybody's everybody capable of astonishing astonish you stop and so you know just having a sense of going after it yeah that's great cuz boss my man appreciate your pleasure

Channel: Lewis Howes

Views: 438,217

Rating: 4.8912268 out of 5

Keywords: chris voss, lewis howes, the school of greatness, FBI Negotiator, never split the difference, business negotiations, salary, money, interview, masterclass, workshop leader, getting to yes, emotional intelligence, negotiation strategies, chris voss negotiation, how to negotiate, methods of persuasion, negotiation tips, the art of the deal, best negotiation training, how to succeed, best negotiation practices, effective negotiation skills, negotiation skills, negotiation training

Id: pd7tjnVYMzY

Length: 81min 44sec (4904 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 16 2020