>> AND NOW A RONA FAMILY
CHRISTMAS. >> CAN'T BELIEVE 2020 IS ALMOST
OVER. I'M GOING TO MISS IT.
>> I KNOW. AND WE'VE BEEN TRAVELING NONSTOP
ALL YEAR. CHINA, ITALY, NEW YORK, FLORIDA.
HOW GREAT IS FLORIDA? >> SO GREAT.
I JUST WISH WE HAD A BREAK FROM ALL OF THE HOLIDAY PARTIES.
HOW MANY CAN THE WHITE HOUSE THROW?
>> I THINK I KNOW WHO THAT IS. AH, MY BABY GIRL'S HOME.
>> HI MOM. >> HOW WAS YOUR FIRST SEMESTER
OF COLLEGE. >> IT WAS INCREDIBLE.
I TOOK OUT LIKE A WHOLE DORM. >> WE'RE SO PROUD OF YOU, HONEY.
>> MY LITTLE GIRL'S A SUPERSPREADER.
>> I WANTED YOU TO MEET THIS GUY I START DATDING.
>> HI. >> NOT TO PUT HIM ON THE SPOT
BUT WE DID MEET ON THE CONTACT TRACING APP.
>> I SWABBED RIGHT. >> AND HE'S KIND OF FAMOUS.
>> I GUESS A LITTLE. >> OH COME ON TELL THEM.
>> ALL RIGHT. IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
BUT -- I WAS THE ONE WHO INFECTED
HANKS. >> TOM HANKS?
>> WOW, THAT WAS BASICALLY THE SUPER BOWL OF INFECTIONS, WHAT
DO YOU DO NEXT? >> I'M GOING TO DISNEY WORLD.
>> THIS ONE'S A KEEPER. [ DOORBELL ]
>> OH, NOW WHO'S THAT. >> HI, IT'S YOUR NEIGHBORS,
THOUGHT WE'D POP OUT OF NOWHERE AND SAY HELLO.
>> WELL THIS IS A SURPRISE. HONEY, HAVE YOU MET THE HERPES.
>> OH, I HAVEN'T ACTUALLY. EVEN THOUGH STATISTICALLY I
SHOULD HAVE. >> I'M ORAL AND THIS IS MY WIFE
GENITAL. >> PLEASE CALL ME JEN.
>> HEY. HEY WHAT'S THE MATTER?
AREN'T GOING TO INTRODUCE THEM TO YOUR OTHER CHILD?
>> WOW, LOOK WHO IS AWAKE BEFORE 6:00 P.M. JUST IN TIME TO START
DRINKING. >> OH, YEAH AM I LITTLE
DISINFECTED. AT LEAST I'M NOT A HOAX LIKE THE
REST OF THIS FAMILY. >> SORRY, MAYBE NOW'S NOT A GOOD
TIME. >> IT'S LIKE AT HERPES ONLY SHOW
UP WHEN YOU'RE STRESSED OUT. >> SORRY.
OH NO, NO. IT'S FINE, WE'LL COME BACK.
>> WE ALWAYS DO. >> WELL, THAT WAS INCREDIBLY
RUDE. >> SORRY MOM MY, PROTEINS AREN'T
PERFECT LIKE MY LITTLE SISTER HERE, BACK FROM HER FIRST
SEMESTER OF UNIVERSITY OF PHOENIX IN PERSON.
>> WE GAVE YOU EVERY OPPORTUNITY.
WE PAID TO SENDS YOU TO NEW ZEALAND AND NOW LOOK ZERO CASES.
PEOPLE ARE GOING TO CONCERTS THERE.
IT'S A DISGRACE. >> THINK OF YOUR POOR
GRANDMOTHER'S SPANISH FLU. >> COME ON GIVE ME A KISS, I'LL
KILL YOU. >> NOW, SHE INFECTED THE WHOLE
WORLD AND THAT WAS BEFORE AIRPLANES.
>> -- I KILL EVERYONE. >> IF YOU DON'T START INFECTING
AGAIN, YOUR CAREER'S OVER. YOU'RE GOING TO END UP LIKE
THOSE WASHED UP VIRUSES ON DANCING WITH THE SARS.
>> MAYBE YOU WOULD FEEL BETTER IF YOU JUST DINED INDOORS MORE.
>> HEY, I'M JUST FOLLOWING CUOMO'S STAY-AT-HOME ORDERS.
>> YOU DO NOT MENTION CUOMO IN THIS HOUSEHOLD!
>> A LOT OF PEOPLE SAY HE'S THE ONLY REAL LEADER IN THIS COUNTRY
RIGHT NOW. >> YOU KNOW DAMN WELL THAT
PRESIDENT TRUMP IS ONLY ONE LOOKING OUT FOR US, WE WOULDN'T
STILL BE HERE WITHOUT TRUMP. >> AND TRUMP INTRODUCED US TO
EVERYONE HE KNOWS, EVEN AFTER HE WAS INFECTED.
NOW THAT'S A CLASS-ACT. >> GUYS, DO WE HAVE TO TALK
POLITICS RIGHT NOW? >> YOUR BROTHER IS LIVING IN
CLOUDS WHEN HE SHOULD BE LIVING ON SURFACES.
>> I JARROD HEARD YOUR NOT EVEN DEADLY AS THE REGULAR FLU.
>> LET THE BIG MAN TALK. YOU THINK YOU'RE NOT BIG ENOUGH
TO HIT YOUR OLD MAN?
>> DAD, STOP! >> YOU'RE NOT MY DAD.
MAYBE MOM JUST LANDED ON A LUNG CELL AND REPLICATED.
>> YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES I WISH YOU WEREN'T MY SON.
>> OH, YEAH, IT MUST BE CHRISTMAS BECAUSE YOUR WISH JUST
CAME TRUE. I'M GETTING THE VACCINE.
>> YOU WOULDN'T. >> WATCH ME.
PRETTY SOON I'LL HAVE THE ANTIBODIES.
>> HE'S JOINED IN THE RADICAL ANTIBO.
>> WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US? >> BECAUSE MOM, YOU NEVER HAD
TIME FOR ME. NEVER WENT TO A SINGLE ONE OF MY
NFL GAMES. DAD'S BEEN SO FOCUSED ON THE
SECOND WAVE CAN'T EVEN HEAR HIS FIRST-BORN SON CRYING OUT FOR
HELP. >> RONIE, SAY SOMETHING.
>> YOU'RE A GREAT VIRUS, SON. YOUR LAUGHTER WAS ALWAYS SO
INFECTIOUS AND YOU GAVE THOSE TIGERS AT THE BRONX ZOO COVID,
REMEMBERR. I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW THE HELL
YOU PULLED THAT OFF. >> SNUCK IN THEIR BUTTS.
>> I KNOW I DON'T SAY THIS ENOUGH, BUT I'M PROUD OF YOU,
>> WE ALL HAVE SO MUCH TO BE GRATEFUL FOR THIS CHRISTMAS.
AND TO THINK, THIS TIME LAST YEAR WE WERE JUST A GLIMMER IN
THE EYE OF A SICK BAT. I KNOW THE ODDS WERE STACKED
AGAINST US BUT MAYBE 2021 WILL BE EVEN BETTER.
>> WE WERE GOING TO WAIT TO TELL YOU BUT, WE'RE ENGAGED.
>> AND WE'RE MOVING INTO RUDY GUILIANI.
>> YAY! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
