Conspiracy Theories: Born in America | The Daily Social Distancing Show

[Music] once we get out of this once this is all done and we can finally leave the house and do normal things like tongue kiss our uber drivers there's going to be one question one question that people want to answer to more than anything where in the hell did this disease come from because before the virus shut down the world people were happy people were happy to accept the official explanation from china which was that the virus originated at a live animal market where it somehow jumped from a bat to a human and we were like okay i think that's the plot of dark knight but we'll accept it but now now that all of us have been stuck in the house with nothing to do except throw our cats birthday parties over zoo everyone everyone at home has had time to come up with some theories about how exactly they think this whole thing went down now i've also been spending a lot of time online and the most common conspiracy theory i've seen is that the virus jumped from a bat to a human the same way oreos jump from packaging into my roommate's mouth i know where they're going billy i see you and this is a theory many people are willing to accept because of racism people are saying that in china they eat all kinds of crazy things hell i heard they eat cookies with a piece of paper inside i was also ready to believe this pandemic could have started as a food thing because look man i've been i've been in situations where food starts a thing like i was on a flight once where one person ate a tuna sandwich but then we all paid the price so the story made sense until it came out that those viral videos of people eating bath soup weren't even filmed in china yeah and then we found out that viruses can't survive cooking anyway so that was out the window then i heard about a different conspiracy theory that totally makes sense you see it turns out corona was never just a virus no it was actually a weapon created to take old people out if you go online there's no shortage of conspiracy theories all right so here's one the virus was bioengineered in a lab by scientists to be used as a weapon or a form of population control this is a theory former politician bronwyn bishop has also suggested it is to get rid of non-productive chinese in the chinese community in the words of george bernard should be eliminated so they don't have to be fed roseanne barr is calling the novel coronavirus pandemic a ploy to kill baby boomers all right now this theory this theory made complete sense who dies the most from the virus old people who dies the most anyway old people bam it's the perfect crime and think about it as soon as people started saying okay buma all of a sudden we got coronavirus and old people are dying that can't be a coincidence and you might be asking oh why would anyone why would anyone want to take out all the old people i don't know maybe it's because someone was tired of giving up their seat on the bus maybe restaurant owners are just tired of having to open for dinner at 3 p.m maybe young people were just tired of getting their ass whipped at bengal the point is the motive is there now i will admit as much as i wanted to believe that theory i uh i had to let it go okay because a team of scientists scientists with degrees and qualifications they sequenced the genome of the coronavirus they broke it down and they found that unlike every butt in miami this virus definitely wasn't man-made so okay fine maybe this wasn't a biological weapon designed to destroy the slot machine economy but that wasn't my favorite theory anyway because there's one theory one theory that actually makes the most sense and it was this there's a conspiracy theory sweeping the globe that coronavirus is caused by 5g technology the theory is that 5g damages the human immune system all of us should know what's taking place right under our noses what 5g x actually does it absorbs oxygen and that's really important to know 5g gets switched on people drop like flies and all of a sudden you've got the excuse because well there's a virus going on some people in the uk bought into it so much they started lighting cell phone towers on fire 5g burning burning money yes burn those cell phone towers down we got to put an end to coronavirus and all group chats i don't know who any of you people are but i did not ask to be a part of this group now i know some of you are sitting at home right now smug like oh how does 5g cause a virus that is that i'll tell you how ask yourself this question what is 5g it's a super fast network that runs through the air you know what else goes through the air coronavirus what else goes through the air superman and what burger did i eat while watching the last superman movie five guys five guys five g i rest my case now i'm not gonna lie there are a few coverage gaps in this 5g theory just a few just a few things that make me doubt for starters every part of this theory is completely ridiculous and biologically impossible not to mention coronavirus has also exploded in places where they don't even have 5g so i haven't figured that out yet and 5g just like 4g and 3g before it is broadcast at such a low frequency it's too weak to do any damage to you yeah so saying 5g makes you sick is sort of like saying an iphone flashlight gave you a sunburn in fact 5g broadcasting the same range as a normal radio yeah and let's be honest the most dangerous thing we've gotten from a radio wasn't a virus it was mumble number five and that only killed what six thousand people tops so where did the coronavirus come from i don't know are you happy i said it i don't know but i'll tell you this i don't care if any of these conspiracy theories have been debunked i'm not taking any chances from now on i will no longer be ordering the popeye's spicy bat sandwich even though it's delicious i also decided i'm not gonna get old it's just too risky and most importantly i've stopped using cell phones yeah no 5g for me from now on i only use a pager and yeah i know that makes it harder to send nudes but i'm gonna do my best and i know the alternative to all of this is that i could just wait for doctors and scientists to figure out where this virus came from but i mean come on man i'm not crazy if you know anything about q anon you've probably heard that it's a conspiracy theory but the truth is it's more like a political cult built around a conspiracy theory and then crossed with a big book of word search puzzles and if that sounds complicated well wait till you hear what they believe in for believers q is an anonymous government official who posts classified information about a covert battle between the president and a malicious ring of celebrities political elites and the so-called deep state this anonymous poster q was giving secret clues about the coming quote great awakening the central theme here is that hillary clinton and many of the world's other politicians and celebrities are members of a murderous child sex ring hillary clinton oprah winfrey tom hanks and others eat children in order to extract a life-extending chemical from their blood group they believe that a group of military generals recruited president trump to break up this conspiracy and end their control of the government and the media donald trump and the humanon view is going to save us from this in a moment called the storm his tweets are misspelled for a reason when he does cafe and the smocking gun it's all code for what he's telling us okay i want whatever these people are smoking because trump's typos are a secret message man i wish people were this forgiving when i did stupid [ __ ] no you guys don't get it when trevor threw up at that party he was showing us it's what's on the inside that counts but look this guy's also not wrong president trump's tweets are misspelled for a reason and that reason is he can't read now look if hillary and oprah were eating children to live longer i would be horrified because that is such a waste of magic blood you feed those kids to ruth bader ginsburg people priorities but there's no ways this conspiracy theory is actually true and look i believe a lot of crazy [ __ ] okay i believe the tsa confiscates all our lotion in order to secretly sell it back to us at walgreens i believe possums are just dogs without makeup i believe no one has actually ever broken up with me they've just all been abducted by aliens but this conspiracy theory is crazy even for conspiracy theories i mean set aside everything else you're telling me trump is doing something heroic but instead of taking credit for it he's keeping it a secret that is the most unbelievable thing i have ever heard plus if you're wondering how it's possible that trump can be leading the fight against the pedophile ring when he was friends with jeffrey epstein for years well according to q trump has been undercover since the 90s which i believe i mean if there's one thing trump is known for it's his famously long attention span so how did this insane theory take off well partly it latched on to fears about the real phenomenon of human trafficking partly it fed off ancient anti-semitic tropes about elitists who drink the blood of children but mostly it was just the good old internet q anon first emerged in the months after president trump took office starting on fringe internet message boards before spreading to social media the pandemic has only made things worse and so these people are just there all day facebook groups have grown exponentially with q anon in just four months membership of the biggest public q a groups rose by 700 we saw a lot of groups who were wellness communities people who were interested in alternative health people would uh the algorithm would sort these people together with the cuban on people they would say oh alternative health maybe they're into anti-backs if they're anti-backs maybe they're into donald trump and within one or two clicks people would go down these very bad paths yep that's how the [ __ ] always goes on the internet it feels like at this point the entire purpose of facebook is to funnel everyone towards the craziest conspiracy theories possible because people will join a group about cycling and then five hours later they're like hillary clinton is a mountain goat people she's an actual goat and it's not surprising that the pandemic turned out to create the perfect conditions for people to get radicalized some people joined q anon some people ordered pelotons and neither of them will shut up about it this also shows you how much the internet is ruining our brains when shakespeare was quarantined during the plague he was like maybe i should write king lear and now people are sitting around during coronavirus going i wonder if i could prove that tom hanks has sex with the devil either way starting from the swampiest parts of the internet q anon gradually picked up followers and eventually grew into a major online movement and it hasn't seemed to matter that many of the things it predicted over the years just never came true early on they were claiming that robert mueller was secretly investigating and going to indict the cabal of democratic leaders and that president trump was secretly working with mueller's team president trump has secretly created a police force by the way to arrest them and force them to wear ankle bracelets the belief is that somehow the late jfk junior is alive and helping trump clean up the deep state nearly all of these clues including that hillary clinton was arrested turn out to be wrong but the batting average doesn't seem to matter you can present them with evidence you can demonstrate how the predictions have gone wrong and they don't seem to care it's just again and again that q is bigger than anything that they can be presented with to the contrary that's right it doesn't matter how many of q's outlandish predictions fail to pan out it never seems to have an impact on the movement and that my friends is the classic sign of cult behavior once you're invested enough in something you will make any excuse for its failures so please don't be looking for logic here that's not how cults work okay cults don't follow logic they follow whatever the cult tells them that's why you always see cult leaders go so quickly from the sacred aliens have chosen us to weird news guys the sacred aliens told me i should bang all of your wives i guess it must be for our redemption or something to go somewhere i i pick her so thanks to this religious fervor q anon took over the internet and it would have been fairly harmless if it had just stayed on the internet you know like momo nothing was a joke it was that was weird but the scary thing about q anon is what happened when it jumped from the screen to the streets this is not just a bunch of online crazy talk it's dangerous in real life the fbi says q and on and their many conspiracy theories are a potential domestic terrorism threat the north carolina man who shot up this dc pizza restaurant looking for non-existent pedophiles believed in similar theories on more than one occasion people believed to be followers of q anon have shown up sometimes with weapons in places that the character told them were somehow connected to anti-trump conspiracies in june a man armed with a rifle and a handgun drove an armored vehicle to the hoover dam on what he said was a mission from q another q and on followers have allegedly been involved in a foiled presidential assassination plot the devastating california wildfire and armed standoff with local law enforcement officers in arizona in july a 24-year old man was charged in the shooting death of a reputed mob boss his attorneys argued he was motivated by q anon written on his hand in the courtroom were q anon symbols you cannot be serious can you imagine being a mob boss and you get whacked by a kid from a message board not a rival just some random kid you'd almost want them to lie in your obituary and say you were a snitch but this is insane q1 people are out in the world doing real things shootings hijackings kidnappings of all the bad advice i've gotten on the internet nothing ever came close to making me murder a mob boss the worst advice i ever got was to use toothpaste to get rid of pimples but i ate the entire tube of toothpaste and all i got was a tummy pimples didn't go anywhere and even with sporadic real world violence it might be tempting to dismiss q anon as just another lunatic fringe but it's actually becoming pretty close to mainstream in fact there are roughly 50 q supporters who ran for office in the republican party this year and it's almost certain that one of them is actually going to be in congress next year although maybe that's a good thing nothing will prevent them from getting anything done better than being in congress congress the only people with a lower approval rating than q anon and then of course there's president trump he's the big hero in all these q a stories so he could just shut this down quickly by saying guys none of this is true q isn't a real person and besides if there was a sex group with all the most important people in the world you know i'd try to be in it yeah that's what he could do but instead he has come out and declared that q anon are some very fine people at president trump's rally in tampa the image was hard to miss the letter q on signs and t-shirts we are finally putting america first the trump campaign even included q anon signs in an ad president trump has used his own social media accounts to promote q on followers and content nearly 200 times president trump praising supporters of the bizarre q anon conspiracy theory he told reporters he heard that q anon followers are people who love the country and him well i don't know much about the movement other than i understand they like me very much which i appreciate but i don't know much about the movement i have heard that it is gaining in popularity and these are people that love our country and they just don't like seeing it at the crux of the theory it is this belief that you are secretly saving the world from this satanic cult of pedophiles and cannibals if i can help save the world from problems i'm willing to do it i'm willing to put myself out there yeah you see it doesn't matter that q anon is a dangerous cult and all of their beliefs are complete fiction president trump is on board trump's approach to q anon is basically the same as that backstreet boys song he doesn't care who you are where you're from what you did as long as you love him and honestly people nobody should be surprised that donald trump is embracing q anon donald trump was always going to embrace q anon the surprise is that he's president so that's q anon in a nutshell it's a violent delusion that's spread from the internet to prey on vulnerable people and infect an entire political party or maybe i'm just saying that to throw you off the real story what exactly is the big deal about 5g because you might think it's just 4g but a little bit faster but it's actually a lot faster so fast in fact that it could change the world the new world of 5g technology promises to transform our lives connecting millions of devices and enabling everything from driverless cars to smart homes up to 20 times faster than the 4g most of us use now 5g's lightning fast technology will accelerate and interconnect everything to download a 2-hour film on 3g would take about 26 hours on 4g you'd be waiting 6 minutes and on 5g you'll be ready to watch your film in just over three and a half seconds damn you could download an entire movie in three seconds that's gonna be fast i mean we'll still spend 45 minutes trying to decide which movie to download but once we've decided we'll need to go to bed because we're tired but tomorrow three seconds my friends and 5g isn't just about download speeds it's a game changer for everything like with 5g you can have cities where everything communicates like doctors can perform surgeries from the other side of the world can you imagine a world where your videos never buffer right your calls never drop that would be amazing except i guess now you could never fake a call dropping with 5g yeah cause that excuse is gone you'll be like ah um i'm losing i'm losing i'm look you're breaking up be like you're not breaking up we got 5g be like yeah yeah you're right carry on grandma yes my grandma samuel l jackson so so look there's no denying the technology is great but why do china and the us care so much about who makes it well it's the same reason they care about anything the benjamin's baby when the u.s won the 4g race earlier this decade it provided a nearly 100 billion dollar boost to gross domestic product and the stakes of the 5g race are even higher if the us wins it would create an estimated 3 million jobs and add approximately 500 billion dollars to gdp that's right if america wins the 5g race that could bring millions of jobs and 500 billion dollars to the country's gdp 500 billion dollars you know how hard it is to get 500 billion dollars like you'd have to marry and divorce jeff bezos five times and i mean after the fourth time he'd probably catch on he'd be like i think you don't love me what made jeff and the fight about 5g isn't just about money and downloading avengers like that no it's also about power because if you control 5g you have access to everything people are doing online which is everything and right now the best 5g technology is made by a chinese company called huawei and because the chinese company is chinese many governments don't trust how secure it's going to be huawei may be best known to most people for making phones but it's also a leading player in building the infrastructure for all our communications critics fear that allowing it to build 5g could enable the chinese state to spy on or even switch off the flow of data we will all depend on imagine that if huawei becomes the leading 5g provider in the world then china can spy on everyone which is terrible because that's what america wants to do yeah and i know you're judging well if america wants to do it then how do they judge it's not that's not the point all right you want to do it first it's like when you cut someone off in traffic and then someone else cuts in front of you like hey [ __ ] that was my move but those are the stakes job money and power and i'm not going to try and bore you with all the technical details but while america is developing its own 5g china's 5g is so far ahead like they're basically going to set the trends it's like how back in the day there used to be a fight between dvd and laserdisc yeah and if you're wondering what the hell is laserdisc exactly yeah that's america's 5g so this is a race many people already saying america has lost luckily and i can't believe i'm saying this america is lucky that you have a maniac on your team who's willing to play dirty president trump has signed an executive order banning u.s companies from using telecom equipment deemed to be a national security threat and that's a direct shot at china and it's tech giant huawei as the us clampdown on the company causes a major domino effect the uk's biggest mobile network pulling far away from its 5g launch while three of japan's mobile operators have stopped taking orders or delayed the summer release of a new huawei phone donald j mother effing trump this guy could see america wasn't going to win so he just got a crowbar and pulled tonya harding on china's 5g just went in straight there yeah the man might not know what 5g is but he does know how to mess up other people's [ __ ] just end there bam and i'm going to be honest with you i don't actually blame donald trump because i don't know how else america can win this race because even if america does manage to [ __ ] huawei and china it's not like america will suddenly have great 5g right you won't just have 5g overnight unless america just pretends that it does att is putting a fake 5g logo on iphones and ipads now the company confirming to pc magazine that the new icon is going to show up when users download apple's latest beta version of ios 12.2 but it's not really 5g at t just changed the name for its 4g lte advanced network 2 5g e the e stands for evolution okay guys that that's really sad atm t's just gonna lie and put another stick like it's like you have a smart car and then you just tape lamborghini on the side of it let's check it out man driving a lambo now zero to 60 in four minutes flat but seeing as it's a race that might be lost a tnt might be onto something here because this is considered the new space race so maybe america can win this race the same way it won the last one just fake it baby [Music] that's right pedophile and fake billionaire jeffrey epstein was found dead in his jail cell after he apparently committed suicide on saturday morning which if you ask me is some [ __ ] right no because i wanted jeffrey epstein to stay alive for two reasons one so that his victims could get their day in court and two i want him to snitch on all his high-profile pedophile friends now he's dead this is gone you know who we need we need that red lady from game of thrones to wake his ass up that's what we need come on jeffrey and what makes this whole epstein thing even worse is that we already had questions about his whole pedophile operation now we have additional questions about how he died this morning the question on many minds how did jeffrey epstein die while in federal custody epstein had been taken off suicide watch and was supposed to have been checked by guards every 30 minutes but that procedure was not being followed the night before he was found sources close to the investigation say efscene underwent a psychiatric evaluation and they cleared him from suicide watch on or about july 29 allowing him to return to his cell yeah they weren't checking in on epstein and they took him off suicide watch why like i'm not an expert on psychology but if someone tries to commit suicide i don't think two more weeks of jail would suddenly improve their outlook on life now you may remember the reason this jeffrey epstein case blew up wasn't just because of the magnitude of his crimes but also because his circle included some high-profile individuals everyone from bill clinton and donald trump all the way to famous scientists and even royalty and because the story involves so many people who are so powerful many out there wondering if epstein rarely suicided himself this is a suspected suicide and it just smells fishy to so many people the timing is so suspicious this comes just one day after those documents were unsealed i'm not a believer in a conspiracy theory but i do believe there's lots of suspicious activity to investigate here twitter erupted with a number of other conspiracy theories following the news the shocking news of epstein's apparent suicide hashtags like trump body count and clinton body count and epstein murder were among the top u.s trends trump retweeted a baseless conspiracy theory tying the clintons to the death of jeffrey epstein that's right i mean i get everyone else on twitter but the president of the united states is also retweeting conspiracy theories that jeffrey epstein was murdered by the clintons yeah the president did this which is pretty wild i mean because this is the type of moment where you would think the president would be the voice of reason instead trump is jumping into the fray yeah you know what he's like he's he's basically that dad that when a fight breaks out in the little league game he runs into the field but instead of breaking it up starts body slamming the third graders yeah take dad take dad take dad because he's doing this in pub you know what trump needs trump needs a finster that's what he needs yeah one of those secret instagram accounts that only your close friends can see that's what he needs then he can use that to just go crazy with his racist stuff conspiracy theories butt pics he can just let it all out just get it all out and america doesn't have to stress but this time though this time it's not just trump it seems like everybody thinks that something shady happened here people on the rights are saying it was the clintons who killed jeffrey people on the left are saying trump killed him justice mollet says it was two white nigerian guys and i don't know guys i don't know i'm not a conspiracy theorist but something weird happened here like i was thinking maybe it wasn't trump or the clintons maybe it was america this incident should make us all troubled about the jail system we know that there are many deaths by suicide in jails throughout the country the metropolitan correctional center has been understaffed leading to low morale among guards and the two guards in the special housing unit where epstein was kept were both on overtime one of the guards on his fifth overtime shift of the week sources at the jail tell cbs news they often rely on certain inmates to assist guards in monitoring other inmates due to a lack of manpower yeah you heard that right thanks to overworked staff and underfunded prisons suicide among inmates is all too common in the united states with some prisons so understaffed that gods ask other inmates to be on suicide watch for them which is not ideal i mean what if the person they put on suicide watch is a murderer huh what happens then this is like so the good news is he didn't kill himself so look man i'll be honest i get why everybody's suspicious of how this all went down because you would think a high profile person like jeffrey epstein would have eyes on him all the time but to be honest i'm also not sure there's a conspiracy here like if anything for me the conspiracy has been taking place over the last 10 years first of all epstein magically only served 13 months for his crimes and in that 13 months he got to leave prison and go to the office six days a week and the prosecutor sealed the case which protected epstein and his co-conspirators and robbed his victims of due process that for me was the conspiracy how did that happen what was going on there that's the conspiracy and maybe maybe just maybe what happened here is the result of there not being a conspiracy anymore and epstein being treated for the first time just like everyone else [Music] donald trump is not a quitter if you don't count his casinos and marriages and he still has several strategies to win this thing so let's go through those strategies today strategy number one is trump's first response to anything whether it's trying to get out of paying a bill or silencing a porn star lawsuits with his path to re-election appearing to be narrowing president trump's relying on relief from the courts that may never come filing suits in michigan and pennsylvania to stop vote counting until the trump campaign can access the counting locations the trump campaign saying it would request a recount in wisconsin where joe biden is the apparent winner the trump campaign filing a lawsuit in georgia alleging one of its poll observers saw late absentee ballots illegally added to a stack of on-time absentee ballots in a heavily democratic county that includes savannah quite possibly we'll do a national lawsuit and really expose the corruption of the democrat party ooh a national lawsuit so if you're watching this consider yourself served and what a difference between 2016 and 2020. when hillary lost she disappeared into the woods but trump starts losing he's dragging voters one by one onto the witness stand although knowing trump he's probably just hustling for a big settlement i'm suing because i should be president that's why i'm here but for 500 grand we can forget this whole thing ever happened 300 250 my final offer 50 thousand i'll pay you but only twenty dollars out of the deal but what case exactly are they bringing to the courts well rudy giuliani the president's personal lawyer and man who drank from the wrong holy grail explained his objections to counting votes not a single republican has been able to look at any one of these mail ballots they could be from mars as far as we're concerned or they could be from the democratic national committee joe biden could have voted 50 times as far as we know or 5 000 times you have a reputation for dead people voting and we're going to go look at just how many dead people voted here do you think we're stupid you think we're fools do you think we're fools calm down count wacula first of all it depends on who you mean by we because if you're talking about you and trump then yes we do think you're fools but if you're talking about the entire trump administration then also yes because i mean come on dude joe biden isn't voting 5 000 times have you seen how long the lines have been not even joe biden wants joe biden to be present bad enough to wait that long and as for looking into dead people it's going to be hilarious when rudy giuliani is questioning the dead on how they voted did the democrats get you to vote for them no man i'm a dead guy just like you what i'm not dead i'm alive oh then you should you should get that whole thing checked out that oh now i'm not gonna front it's really hard to keep track of all of these lawsuits that are happening but luckily we've got dulce sloan at the election lawsuit center to help us break it all down so dulce who is trump suing right now let's take a look trevor we got a whole bunch of lawsuits coming in fast we already know that trump is doing pennsylvania and michigan and georgia but he's got even more on the way arizona oh your ass is getting sued nevada lawyer up you're getting sued you talk your neighbors with nevada trump's gonna sue you just because it's convenient to pop by pennsylvania that's right again you're getting double sued and trump isn't just doing states france your ass is getting sued for what not sure see you in court also eric trump said he found a box of trump votes in a volcano on mars so mars your red ass is getting sued up and i almost forgot pennsylvania triple suit just for thinking trump was done suing you and guess who else trump is suing that's right donald trump he's suing himself because if it wasn't for all his [ __ ] he wouldn't be losing pennsylvania which by the way trump is sued again quadruple sue ah that's what we got so far trevor or should i say defendant 32 see you in court [ __ ] oh man i've always wanted to be sued by trump thank you so much for that dulce so it's going to take some time for these lawsuits to be thrown out by a series of lower courts before the supreme court does whatever trump wants but trump isn't sitting around waiting he's also been urging his followers to take to the streets and they're showing up like coronavirus at a white house rose garden event president trump supporters in various states are protesting why the trump campaign wants some states to stop counting votes while other states continue counting in arizona overnight hundreds of trump supporters some armed gathered outside a phoenix election center saying the election was being stolen from the president protesters there looking to keep the count going as the race tightens [Applause] and in the battleground state of pennsylvania voters say the tension there is intense tempers flaring from coast to coast the bloody crime family stealing this election the media is covering it up the money crime family steal this election the media is coming up we want our freedom for the world give us our freedom to abide it okay two things first this ugly behavior undermines the foundations of american democracy and secondly i hope they have that barbecue beer freedom shirt in a hoodie version that is dope also the biden crime family that that has got to be the least threatening sounding organized crime family ever you know you've got a really nice place here be a pity if some malarkey happened to it i i don't know i don't know i mean seriously i can't believe we were all terrified that trump supporters would coordinate a civil war and yet these guys can't even agree on a slogan to shout in the streets because they're chanting to count the votes if trump is behind in the states but then if he's ahead then they're chanting to stop the count i mean what happens if the state switches count the votes well we are counting and it looks like joe biden has just taken the lead okay stop counting the votes we changed our minds depends how it goes but if trump can't win the election in the streets he has one final plan to win the election in the tweets the president after election day out of sight but far from quiet ignoring the ongoing vote count and declaring himself the winner in several crucial battlegrounds writing on twitter in part we hereby claim the state of michigan but that's not a candidate's call to make no come on donald what are you doing man just because you shout it doesn't mean it's yours this is the election not writing shotgun it's mine i call i call i call white house and isn't it ironic that trump spent months warning that rioters were going to loot all the stores but now he's the one trying to loot the electoral college it's all mine it should have been mine i want it it's all me also can we agree that it's adorable how he included the word hereby just to make it sound smarter and more official you know he's like oh no i said hereby so this is real you can't use that in 2020. that [ __ ] only worked back in the day when people were colonizing land i declare this land property of her majesty the queen this is our land we will kill you well then i hereby declare this land property of her majesty the queen ah guys he said hereby there's nothing we can do now stand back and stand by oh crafty yeah but if none of these plans work and donald trump can't stop joe biden from becoming president well all is not lost for the gop because it turns out that mitch mcconnell senate majority leader and world's most powerful ball sack has got a plan to take care of biden even if he wins axios has a good piece out today about uh mcconnell arguing that if he keeps the majority he will force biden to keep his cabinet choices centrist mcconnell is already lining up his troops to be ready to make things difficult for the buy administration looking to control the type of cabinet that biden can assemble the type of hearings that he can have mitch mcconnell is going to be and the republicans in the senate will be a blocking force no that's right it doesn't matter who's president i'll always be the [ __ ] blocker in chief [Music] you

Channel: The Daily Show with Trevor Noah

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Keywords: the daily show, trevor noah, daily show with trevor noah, the daily show episodes, comedy central, comedians, comedian, funny video, comedy videos, funny clips, noah trevor, trevor noah latest episode, daily show, trevor, news, politics, daily show trump, conspiracy, conspiracies, conspiracy theory, jeffrey epstein, epstein, who killed epstein, qanon, what is qanon, q drops, coronavirus, covid-19, covid, 5g, is 5g safe, 2020 election, 2020 election stolen, mystery, area 51, moon landing

Id: D5yuZbiElVg

Length: 39min 21sec (2361 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 31 2021