What the Hell Happened This Week? Week of 10/17/2022

[Music] [Applause] foreign [Music] [Applause] has announced that there is a nationwide shortage of Adderall so if you don't have a genuine need for it please save it for anyone who has a legitimate prescription and if you do have a prescription now is the time to sell it at school kids captain make that money in international news the Superstar K-pop band BTS has announced that its members will soon begin reporting for mandatory service in the South Korean military yeah which is great news for South Korea oh because their army is basically Unstoppable now there's no army in the world but shocked at these guys are you kidding me I'm gonna be stupid enough to take a shot everyone's a fan enemy soldiers are gonna be like ah I just got stabbed by gin this is the last and best day of my life in Tech news Kanye West announced today that he is going to buy the right-wing social media platform Paula because quote he wants to make sure we have the right to freely express ourselves and thank God because I've been waiting to hear Kanye's unfiltered thoughts on things I just never get to hear that you guys ever hear of anything else to say so shy so shy all right let's move on to some of the biggest stories of the day starting as we so often do with Donald Trump and I know I know I know when Trump is in the news it's usually because he was caught doing more crimes but this time it's also because of that the man loves to climb what can I say so let's find out about his latest one in our ongoing segment America's most tremendously wanted thank you [Music] [Applause] may remember that after he left the White House Trump created his own social media app called Truth social which is basically just Twitter but for white supremacists and before you say wait aren't the white supremacists already on Twitter yes but on true social they're verified now believe it or not believe it or not there might also be a dark side to truth social a whistleblower is now accusing former president Trump's social media company of violating Federal Securities laws will Wilkerson is a former executive at Trump media and Technology Group which launched the truth social platform he tells the Washington Post that Trump's company tried to raise Capital by making fraudulent misrepresentations about its finances the SEC is now investigating the co-founder told the Washington Post the former president asked one executive to relinquish his shares in the company to former first lady Melania Trump and had him removed from the board of directors when he refused what Donald Trump's social media platform was reportedly engaged in Shady Financial gimmicks how it's called Truth social I don't know what to believe anymore oh [Applause] you know one of the most interesting allegations is that he tried to bully one of his board members into giving his shares to Melania which is just so romantic yeah ladies find you a man who will commit Securities fraud for you are you kidding you have to admit though shares in truth social are a weird gift you know it almost sounds like Trump didn't remember until the last minute he was like of course I remembered your birthday Melania I got you I I got true social shares surprise surprise love it and also the tie I'm wearing the funny thing is truth social is such a failure of a company that she probably doesn't even want the shares you know it's almost like when your kids give you that that gift but it's just like a piece of macaroni odd for your birthday you know she was probably just like oh so cute do you think this is worth something thank you Donald now just to be clear just to be clear though I am totally on Trump's side in the story yeah 2022. if you go into business with Donald Trump and you are surprised that you got scammed that's on you what were you thinking well I know the last guy that Trump worked with almost got hanged by an angry mob but I think I'm going to turn out fine I I don't know what could go wrong but let's move on from Donald Trump to this year's hot new Mini Trump Herschel Walker Georgia Senate candidates and closed captioning's worst nightmare there are a lot of controversies swirling around Walker his attack on absentee parents despite being one his opposition to abortion despite allegedly paying for one his attempt to become a senator despite not knowing how many states America has and in his first debate over the weekend Walker tried to clear up one controversy with a little prop comedy at a debate Friday night Herschel Walker responded to accusations that he has pretended to be a police officer by flashing what appeared to be a fake badge respond to that and you know what's so funny I am with minute police officers in a new interview the former football star says the badge is real he says he got it from the sheriff of Johnson County Georgia Walker clarified it's an honorary badge the national Sheriff's Association said an honorary badge quote is for the trophy case why make the decisions not true you know thank you I don't know what's crazy in the story the fact that this man lied about being in law enforcement or the fact that he pulled out a fake badge during a debate Sheriff's Association said that his badge is just an honorary one he said no they're wrong they're totally wrong that's like it almost makes me wonder how many people has Herschel Walker arrested huh is there someone locked up in his basement right now who's just like is this a real present there's a foosball table in here he's like it's an honorary prison yeah does he treat every symbolic object like this like people say I'm an absentee father but if that were true why would I have this world's best dad mug huh not okay Dad not a good dad world's best dad that's official in fact I have seven of these mugs to prove it and some I haven't even received yet you know the saddest part of the story is that there are people who are going to believe that Herschel Walker was in law enforcement because he pulled out this badge this is something I've learned in America if people see it they believe it it's the same way there were people who believed that Trump actually did step away from his company just because he posed next to a stack of empty folders yeah and you're like he's lying people like why would he be lying he's standing next to empty folders would he stand next to them if it wasn't true are you next to empty folders no you're not all right but it's honorary like Taylor Swift for instance got an honorary doctorate from NYU this year but you don't see her in the operating room like well killed another one all right let's get lunch or try again later yes maybe I'll try brains next time instead of hearts [Applause] I will say the one upside of this whole story though is there is some good news because this means that Georgia voters don't even need to elect a Herschel Walker senator they can just give him a certificate that says honorary senator so he won't know the difference [Applause] but let's move on to some criminal justice news right now a right-wing militia member named Paul Bella is on trial for hatching a plot back in 2020 to kidnap the governor of Michigan which means every day the jurors have to look at a man accused of an evil heinous crime just imagine that every day staring into those eyes are you turned on not because apparently someone was well a juror has been dismissed from The Trial of three men in connection with the 2020 plot to kidnap Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer she was dismissed by the judge on Friday after attorneys accused her of flirting with one of the defendants now the flirtatious Behavior was described as nonverbal communication in the form of eye contact and smiles between the juror and defendant Paul Bellar while the prosecutor originally pointed out the conduct several others including bellar's attorney stated that they had seen interactions between the two the judge dismissed the juror out of an abundance of caution God damn first of all congrats to this woman for finding a new way to get out of jury duty truly an inspiration for us all but I have to say I have to say I'm I'm kind of sad that they kicked off the case think of think of how great it would have been when they read the verdict we the jury sentenced the defendant to life with me [Applause] I guess the real lesson here is that bad boys stay winning this guy is literally on trial for trying to kidnap the governor huh and he's still getting love it's always like this every famous criminal has all these groupies are like is there a necessarial killer oh there was but you chopped her into little pieces so you're single now but I would like to know how this happened how did this happen because when you report for jury duty in America they make you watch a video that expressly tells you what you should and shouldn't do foreign [Music] while performing this sacred civic duty it is important to avoid doing the following things reading about the case in the news going like this to the defendant going like this to the defendants going life this to the defendants thank you for your service and please don't try to smash everyone watches that video how did that happen all right finally thank you Let's uh let's talk about the latest news in Russia's war with Ukraine if you've been following the war you know that almost everybody has been helping Ukraine fight off the world's worst Botox customer America is sending weapons the EU is sending financial assistance England is sending prince Andrew not your help they just want to get rid of him but it may surprise you to know who has been giving Ukraine their internet service and how close it recently came to going away Elon Musk reversing course the billionaire now says his SpaceX company will continue to fund Ukraine's critical satellite service spacex's starlink internet service has been a vital source of communication for the Ukrainian military during its war with Russia the reversal coming after exclusive CNN reporting that SpaceX sent a letter to the Pentagon warning that it may stop funding the service unless the U.S military kicks in tens of millions of dollars each month musk tweeting this weekend the hell with it even though starlink is still losing money and other companies are getting billions of taxpayer money we'll just keep funding the Ukraine government for free you know Elon Musk is the only person who can do a good thing but in the bitchiest way possible you know I was just like yes I'll just keep helping Ukraine for free hell Elon Musk how to use his money but I will tell you this Elon this is not how you get remembered as an inspiring figure in history all right you're doing a good thing but then you're saying it like that can you imagine if Martin Luther King Jr had this attitude when he was trying to do his good I have a dream I guess because I don't see nobody else having a dream so I guess it's on me I gotta sleep 20 hours a day because these [ __ ] asses don't want to come up with dreams of Their Own people be like Martin you want to go to the club but I can't I gotta go home to sleep cause I Gotta Have a Dream there's some [ __ ] but I guess I gotta do it anyway it wouldn't be the same [Applause] thank you can I tell you what I think happened here what I think happened here is Elon Musk saw an opportunity to be the good guy and make a lot of money give the ukrainians internet but then over time have the American government step in and pick up the tab yeah but because they said no now he's stuck he is keep losing money or be the [ __ ] who cut off Ukraine's internet and I know some people think Elon is evil but he's not cable company evil come on and actually get elon's frustration because think about it think about it weapons manufacturers aren't donating missiles to Ukraine the US government is paying them so Elon is going well why shouldn't I get paid and also like everyone else I'm sure Elon didn't expect the war to go on for this long you know it's sort of like when you hold the door open for someone but she's like oh you broke my nose and then your boss runs up he's like you're fired and you're like I don't even work here he's like no with that attitude you don't and now you're an [ __ ] and you're unemployed just because you were trying to be nice [Music] Tick Tock has officially announced that users will now be able to run live streams for adults only but before you get excited the app says that nudity and sexually explicit content will still be prohibited which like what what's adult themed if it's not sex and nudity you know it's just like uh who's ready to watch me refinance my mortgage interest rates are so huge right now I don't think I can afford to live in my house anymore in international news Japan's oldest toilet which was 500 years old was destroyed when a man accidentally backed his car up over it you know I've heard about people trying to cover up what they did in the bathroom but this is this is taking it a step too far it's also amazing how putting the word oldest suddenly adds gravitas to something that none of us actually care about he broke the toilet so it was the oldest toilet oh no I need to call my mom and by the way if you're wondering the oldest toilets in New York City is the subway um and some consumer news ubereats has announced that they will start delivering weed in Toronto Canada [Applause] delivery what a game-changing service that no one has already been using forever especially under the name repair guy on my phone wow all right let's move on some of the biggest stories of the day we are now in the home stretch of the midterm campaign season which means it's almost that time of the year when you wake up on that one special morning in November and you're like oh [ __ ] I forgot to vote yesterday and with just three weeks to go this is the last chance for the candidates and the shadowy billionaires who fund them to make their case to the voters and as always they're making that case through campaign ads in fact a record 9.7 billion dollars worth of ads so if you live in a string State basically every ad you're seeing on TV right now is a campaign ad and by the time November comes around you're gonna be praying to see the ads that you used to hate no more please I just want to know when Toyota saw you guys but political ads in America can get pretty wild they really can and as the country becomes more and more polarized the type of political ads that come out become more and more intense so I figured let's enjoy some of the latest Blockbusters in another installment of votedemic 2022. hi let's start our ad watch with the Republicans now for this election they want everything to be focused on three issues inflation crime and pretending they didn't hear that thing Trump just said so they've been running ads emphasizing these issues you know some of them have been subtle but Louisiana Senator John Kennedy has decided that subtle is not his style violent crime is surging in Louisiana woke leaders blind the police I blame the criminals a mom should not have to look over her shoulder when she's pumping gas I voted against the early release of violent criminals and I opposed defunding the police look if you hate cops just because of cops the next time you get in trouble call a crackhead I'm John Kennedy and I approve this message [Applause] okay all right all right first of all nobody's gonna call a crackhead it's 2022 I'm gonna text a crackhead that's such a crazy way to frame things though right this is like violent crime call a crackheads Senate is acting like cop and crackhead are the only two options that's it what about social workers what about mental health experts what about heroin addicts there's all range people it was a weird for a guy who's been in office for six years to complain about crime and then campaign on it I find that a little strange like ever since I got in the office crime has exploded re-elect me so I can figure out what's going on because I I like I don't know where this logic goes right because no matter what happens Republicans always want more cops crime is up we need more cops crime is down we need more cops like what is the plan just to keep hiring until the entire population is just cops yeah that way I got an eye on me yeah maybe the solution is just to hire crackheads as cops yeah because first of all they're always there when you need them and say what you will about cops versus crackheads but at least the crackhead is not going to plant crack on you they're keeping it for themselves it works out I know it might be a little crazy but you gotta admit a crackhead detective show that sounds like a great idea for a CSI spin-offs the victim is on the table next to the flowers that he bought for Valentine's Day I guess that means it's time to go smoke some crack [Music] now obviously Democrats have a whole different set of issues that they want to emphasize voters don't trust them on the economy or inflation right now so the Dems want this election to be about things like climate change protecting democracy and pretending that they didn't hear the thing that Joe Biden just said but the main issue Democrats are running on is Reproductive Rights and California Congressman Eric swalwell just put out one of the most hardcore campaign ads you've ever seen well Mary Anderson yes I have a warrant for your arrest arrest for what unlawful termination of a pregnancy you've got to be kidding me that that is my personal business that's for the courts to decide man your medical records have been subpoenaed and Dr Landry is already in custody oh my God you you can't just you will have to submit to a physical examination what why no no no one's touching me turn around put your hands behind your back now why is this happening love you honeybear we're just enforcing the law here elections have consequences vote Democrat on November 8th that was intense you don't usually expect a campaign ad to turn into an episode of Black Mirror what was that like I actually feel bad for the shows that had to come back from that ad break hey did you see that was why is this happening mom you'll never see your mother again and now back to Young Sheldon look it is wild it is wild how overturning row has upended Society so much that now white women can be as scared of the police as black people are and yes and yes this ad is obviously exaggerating things to make a point but it is true that in many states in America cops could show up at your door if you had an abortion they could arrest you and they could force you to have a physical examination I mean ironically it's probably the only free healthcare you'll ever get in America and so look I know I know that the ad was a little heavy so I thought you know let's lighten things up for the with the local campaign ad for Linda Paulson out of Utah now you probably look at this picture and you think no there's no way this little old lady could spit fire over a dope rap beat well guess what you're right hey Utah District 12. listen up right here there's a new name on the ballot for the Senate this year I'm pro-religious free that pro-life Pro police the right to bear arms and the right to free speech but in schools there pushing for new beliefs and just to clarify that's a female adult I know what a woman is if you share my values if you like what I stand for then give me your fold on the 8th of November District 12 needs a choice let me be your voice Linda Paulson in the pulse and for Senate [Music] I I don't exactly know how but I'm pretty sure that that was racism at some point the beat stopped but it stopped itself like she was so offbeat it's almost like the beat was like am I the one messing up but wait do you know I'm here what is happening yeah gangster rap Linda unfortunately after recording that track Linda was hit in a drive-by shooting yes tragic but when you're in the game you're in the game all the way here's my question who is this for who is this ad for right because she is a Conservative Republican in Utah nobody who supports her likes rap and nobody who likes rap is going to see this video and be like man I wasn't going to vote for Republicans but her flow just can't be denied B and by the way if you are a politician who insists on rapping in a campaign video can you at least try rapping in a style from this Century huh I'm Linda person and I'm here to your [ __ ] is calling him as Paulson get with the times update your reference like use a trap Beats at least the trapeze is actually better for politicians because nobody can understand what you're saying you can just dodge any moments at any debate or any reporter you know just be like Senator what is your position on cutting Medicare well here's what I do sit him back in a minute and I think that answers your question foreign [Applause] [Applause] when you think about it Joe Biden has basically been doing trap music this whole time [Applause] [Music] the NFL has announced that for the first time ever the league will schedule a game on the day after Thanksgiving AKA Black Friday yeah and I'm surprised that they're doing this because I thought that the NFL would be busy on Black Friday scouting Walmart for new Talent you know that grandma would just tackle that kid let's get her a two-year deal also I I love how the league made this big announcement like it's a genius idea wow brilliant idea it's good whenever don't overthink it in money news the US Mint is about to release new quarters featuring 1930s actress Anna May Wong the first Asian American to ever appear yeah which which is great news for representation and great news for bad tippers she's gonna be like you only took me a quarter it's like wow okay I didn't know I was dealing with a racist which quarter in international news British prime minister Liz truss is now officially the lowest polling prime minister in British history and is now in danger of losing her job after only six weeks yeah when asked for comments she said any woman can break the glass ceiling I'm proud to have shattered the glass floor all right let's move on to some of the biggest stories of the day starting with the Girl Scouts of the USA you know the Sinaloa cartel of baked goods after years of struggling with falling membership and sinking revenues one girl scout has stepped in with the ultimate Good Deed the Girl Scouts of the USA just received their largest donation ever by a single person billionaire philanthropist Mackenzie Scott just donated 84.5 million dollars to the organization the Girl Scouts leadership says that the money will help them recover from the pandemic which drove down membership Scott has donated some 12 billion dollars to Charities since 2019. wow wow thanks to Mackenzie Scott the Girl Scouts are now bawling out of control which is great it really is great because the Girl Scouts do an amazing job of training a new generation of leaders providing a community although I will say they've got to be careful because this kind of money could easily change your vibe yeah this year they're earning badges for computer coding and rock climbing next year it's going to be badges for Crystal pupping and tax evasion to be like Meredith for discovering that the Cayman Islands are superior to Panama we award you this obviously I'm joking I'm joking right the girls are still going to be selling cookies they're just going to be doing it out of the back of a Bentley now just we don't carry the weight you broke ass [ __ ] [Applause] and as for Mackenzie Scott how can you not love this woman huh because she's exposing what billionaires don't want you to realize right Billionaire's always like if you raise my taxes even a little bit how will I have the money to feed all of my private jets huh but think about it Mackenzie Scott has only been a billionaire for three years and she's already given away 10 billion dollars more than her ex Jeff Bezos has given a lazy entire life and get this and get this she's still a billionaire don't forget that just goes to show how much good you can do when your main priority isn't going to space in a giant metal penis there are things you can do anyway let's move on let's move on to some big sports news for decades boxing dominates the world of prize fighting then MMA came along with a roundhouse kick and became a worldwide phenomenon and now we might be witnessing the birth of a new era slap fighting it's become a viral sensation over the past few years and now UFC president Dana White is starting a league he got approval yesterday for it to be a licensed athletic competition in Nevada his power slap League will be regulated by the Nevada State athletic commission and as you can guess lap fighting features two competitors across from one another throwing slaps with Open Hands to each other's faces ah the sport has been around for several years but never regulated until now yeah yeah that's right slapping is about to become an official sport and those big dudes might be the champs for now but it's only a matter of time before the sports is dominated by immigrant moms feet on their couch sit on their couch [Applause] and you know I don't know about you I don't know about you but I am excited to see how the Nevada athletic commission plans to regulate the rules of the sport like are you allowed to Flinch you know can I use my moves from school is Will Smith the reigning champ is that how it works you know you know what I would propose I propose to make the sport more exciting you know how in wrestling they trash talk right to get people going and then in boxing they do the weigh-in where they challenge each other they say things what they should do for slap fighting is they should have each fight to say something first that warrants them getting slapped you know just like I never liked your mother's cooking and by the way by the way I like that there are more and more sports that divorced men can excel at huh getting slapped eating 100 hot dogs you realize we're basically two weeks away from there being a sport that's just sleeping on your friends pull out couch right just four days and he's still on the couch people this is why he's the go can you see this and before you're one of those people who's like you know this is a bizarre idea for a sport is it really a sport every sport sounds ridiculous when you first hear about it all right I mean it's not a real story every sport it's not a real sport pick any sport any sport like NASCAR huh imagine that first conversation so we're all gonna drive really fast in a big circle yeah but what if I lose control and crash into the wall well that's what we're all hoping for all right and finally everyone knows that the internet has made shopping easier than ever you know sometimes I get packages without even ordering yeah I mean sure they accidentally put the boxes on my neighbor's stoop but it's free I can't complain but this year this year it looks like online shopping will be a little less easy than before was holiday shopping season approaches you may find something a little bit different this year returning gifts may not be so easy or cheap anymore buyers beware free returns May soon be a thing of the past the cost of returns is becoming so astronomical for retailers right now they have no choice but to pass that cost on to the consumer one reason for the new return fees is an increase in what's called bracketing that's when a consumer buys the same clothes in several different sizes and colors with plans to return what they no longer want the national retail Federation reports 218 billion dollars worth of online purchases were returned in 2021 that is more than double the amount in 2020 as a result some major retailers are not now adjusting their return policies including h m which is now testing a return fee in certain places no no no no how are you going to charge people for returns if I want to make a rash decision on a whim and then change my mind I shouldn't have to pay a price for it that's the whole point of America huh that's what this great nation is about you can make decisions I think I'd look good in this jacket you know what never mind I think I'd look good in Iraq you know what never mind yeah and you know who I blame for this I blame the Democrats yeah they should have codified the right to free returns when they had a super majority [Applause] I want to lose free internet returns because you realize what that means that means we're gonna have to go back to the old way you remember the old way if you wanted to return a shirt you'd have to drive all the way to the store and to wait in line and then to look the cashier in the eye and try to convince them that the shirt was already burnt when you bought it Balenciaga made it like this actually you know you know what I blame the clothing stores for all these returns in the first place yeah we wouldn't be forced to order all these different sizes if each clothing store didn't choose to have their own sizing system in some stores oh you're a medium then you go to another store now you're a six then in some sorts they're like if you're usually a medium you probably want to go with a large then just call it on with one slice and I was like oh yeah I forgot to tell you our pie is run small I bet you now that conversation would end with a championship slap fight [Music] pretty much everyone has gotten through covet at least what seven times scientists are wondering what that's doing to our bodies and the answer is not great we have some more concerning news now about the long-term impact of coven 19. a study shows that it speeds up aging and epidemiology expert from Washington University in St Louis studied long covet's impacts on your organs in his research he noticed patterns indicating the kidneys the brain and the Heart All age faster after about with the virus yeah that's right researchers say covet can cause your organs to age faster than you are I'm not even sure what that means I guess you turn on the TV to watch Euphoria and your kidneys are like what about Blue Bloods coming for real this is disturbing news fighting covid is so difficult that it ages your body parts I mean that is a great excuse for the next time you can't perform in bed though you know baby you gotta understand my penis is like 85. and this is the scary thing about covet because it's a novel virus we still don't know what the long-term side effects might be and what sucks is that it's always going to be bad we know it's always going to be bad like viruses never have good side effects news anchors are never like breaking news we're learning now that nine out of ten people suffering from long covert get those sexy V things this is now if we had more time we could talk about the long-term strain covert is going to put on the medical system or how weird organs are in general like why do we have so many why don't we just have one big one that runs everything but we can't get into that important medical discussion because while covid keeps coming up with new ways to attack our bodies the virus of Russia Vladimir Putin has found new ways to attack Ukraine well tonight a third of Ukraine is without power after Russia destroyed power stations in the last eight days President zielinski says Russia has thrown the country into massive blackouts and is urging his Nation to brace for a tough winter for the last month Russia has targeted Ukraine's electricity grid especially substations that serve as Junction points between cities just yesterday Russia Unleashed these a swarm of Kamikaze drones to dive bomb energy facilities throughout the city yeah after being beaten back by Ukraine's forces on the ground Putin has now resorted to using Kamikaze drones caddy [ __ ] and you know if this doesn't prove that Putin's strategy is failing nothing will because you never need to use Kamikaze when you're winning you know it's like anytime you see someone rushing somewhere with a hands full of paper towels you know things are not going according to plan oh [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] and by the way also can we stop calling them Kamikaze drones right if there's not a person inside it's not kamikaze right that's just ghost riding the whip he's from Japan so this is a war crime and cultural appropriation so you're canceled Vladimir Putin see if two will do what the U.N could not [Applause] by the way an interesting detail in the story is that Russia had to buy these drones from Iran which kind of makes you question their military might right you're supposed to be one of the most powerful militaries in the world but you ran out of [ __ ] already like you realize America never runs out of weapons never America has so many weapons sometimes it'll sell weapons to countries that it's going to fight just to make space you know we're like all right here you go Iraq all right now let's do this yeah now if we had more time we could talk about how Russia's access to weapons from other countries reminds us that the global sanctions aren't as Global as we think because they still have ties to Asia South America and the Middle East or we could talk about how this Ukraine war is complete completely derailing not just Ukraine but also Europe's economy and their energy supplies but we don't have the time to get into that because while Ukraine is in turmoil there's another country in Europe that somehow is an even more of a [ __ ] situation today Great Britain and that's one story we definitely need to make time for breaking across the pond a political earthquake just 44 days that is how long prime minister Liz truss was in office before resigning just in the last few hours I recognize though given the situation I cannot deliver the Mandate on which I was elected by the conservative party this makes trust now the shortest serving prime minister in 301 years God damn Britain another prime minister another prime minister and this one only lasted 44 days Boris Johnson had covered parties that were longer than that [Applause] you realize how hard it is to get tired of somebody this quickly usually politicians get a period of time where you like them first and then you hate them but Britain hated Liz Trust basically from day one imagine being on a first date on a first date with someone and they're like oh I'm so sick of all your [ __ ] but we just met it's like I know and I'm suffocating actually if this was a relationship I feel like at this point Britain's friends will be sitting down with it like listen honey you've been through four prime ministers in six years they can't all be the problem huh I'm just saying maybe it's time to turn the vote of no confidence on yourself yeah in fact for the next prime minister maybe maybe the UK should take things a little slow yeah yeah this is chaos for the next one maybe maybe don't put a label on it there's so much pressure that prime minister maybe just have them be the person who lives at 10 Downing Street in fact don't even live there just sleep over here and there you know yeah then maybe leave a toothbrush behind you know and then then they get a draw for their clothes and then when you're sure that this is the prime minister for you then you bring them to meet your friends at the G7 how about that you know be like yeah yeah we're a thing now we're a thing oh and by the way remember the reason Liz truss lost her job is because she came into office making worse decisions than a company social media manager during Black History Month terrible budget plans firing Finance ministers going back on her own policies sending the queen to meet Jesus things were going so badly so badly that the British press trolled her with vegetables in a sign of just how tenuous her standing was and perhaps how brutal UK politics can be a British newspaper began tracking ahead of lettuce to see if the embattled trust would last longer than the produce and it did foreign that is humility imagine being so bad at your job that you lose a joke contest because people are like haha I bet she can't last longer than a head of lettuce and then by the end of it they're like should the letters be prime minister and maybe the letters will be the only one that wants the job because right now Britain's Parliament sounds more chaotic than a family reunion at Herschel Walker's house yesterday was a shambolic day for her we heard early in the day that her interior Minister the Home Secretary sawella braveman had resigned over an issue over improper use of her emails and then later in the day we heard that she had in fact been fired and then there was a vote in the House of Commons which descended into chaos some lawmakers allege that government officials were actually physically pushing them intimidating them into making decisions that they wouldn't otherwise have made one lawmaker even alleged that some MPS were crying in the toilets of the House of Commons what a [ __ ] show did you hear that people were shoving each other crying swearing quitting unquitting it's almost like the whole government turned into a High School drama club rehearsal I mean members of parliament were crying in the toilet multiple members of parliaments like how many was there a lion you know there's people like oh are you all in there oh you almost done other people are waiting to cry too you know it's coming out hurry it's coming out it's actually too bad that this happened in Britain and not in Japan because you know at least Japanese toilets are so Advanced they can they can probably actually help and console you you know whatever you're doing the best you can puto writing is very important remember what happened last time just shut up shut up knows you're not helping you know [Applause] the craziest part the craziest part of this whole story is that Liz truss only became prime minister because Boris Johnson was embroiled in so many scandals that he was forced to resign that's the only reason she got the job so you'll never guess who might be replacing her the big issue though for the conservative party and for this country is that no one really knows who's going to be able to replace her there are a number of names in the mix including I have to say Boris Johnson who's currently on holiday and on vacation at the moment in the Caribbean there are a number of conservative party members who are calling for Boris Johnson to return to the helm I went to my constituency at the weekend and the strong message that I got was bring back Boris Johnson some supporters and some allies of Boris Johnson say that he may throw his name into the ring which would be pretty remarkable since he was forced out by Scandal just six or seven weeks ago oh that's right people old Boris Johnson is looking pretty good right now isn't he not physically of course physically oh he looks like a Pomeranian who got stuck in a dryer politically though people like he's not Birds here's an honest question though Britain are you are you guys really going to put Boris back in office Boris scandals Johnson there is nobody else who could do this job nobody in the entire country like what about Paddington everybody loves him yeah with that voice he could even have bad policies no one would care I want to burn all the migrants you crazy tyrants now look if we had more time we could try and figure out Britain's Next Top minister or we could place bets on how long they would last but we don't have the time because we have to go to an ad break that is probably going to last longer than let's trust before we go I just wanted to remind you please consider supporting the violence Intervention Program in New York City they work within Latino communities to end Domestic and Sexual Violence by providing emergency shelter advocacy for long-term economic stability and healing for survivors and their children so if you want to support their work then please donate at the link below [Music] foreign [Music]

Channel: The Daily Show

Views: 2,782,381

Keywords: the daily show, trevor noah, daily show with trevor noah, the daily show episodes, comedy central, comedians, comedian, funny video, comedy videos, funny clips, noah trevor, trevor noah latest episode, daily show, trevor, news, politics, what the hell happened, this week's top stories, headlines, herschel walker, mackenzie scott, liz truss, girl scouts, ufc, slap fighting

Id: ifKV6I7Jh7s

Length: 45min 55sec (2755 seconds)

Published: Sat Oct 22 2022