Conquering The World as a Pear in Spore

mankind has often asked the question what is the healthiest food people diet in the pursuit of becoming healthy but wouldn't it be easier if we could just be a healthy food wouldn't we all be better off if we were a bunch of fruit what then is the perfect fruit what even is a fruit can a fruit become sentient and take over the world introducing the pear a great test subject for this age-old conundrum why the pear you ask it has a thick skin sharp top and sturdy wide base but more importantly a nutritious inside containing and i'm not exaggerating here every single vitamin in existence my theory was then if i could take the pear and rewrite history with it as the dominant species maybe the whole world would be better off there was only one way to know for certain and for that i would be using the 2008 life simulation game spore if i was going to replace the human race with pears i would need to go a long way back in time and because of this i would be starting my journey at cell stage my species began as i imagined the human race did as well hurtling towards the planet on a giant space asteroid before i knew it i was a tiny speck in a very large ocean but what is that that's not a pear that's more like a strawberry or something we had some work to do the way to advance in sport is to collect different body parts and then breed to advance your creature however almost immediately my creature was on the brink of extinction thanks to this huge sea monster fortunately i managed to find a mate before becoming his dinner and i was now able to make our subject a bit more pear-shaped now that we looked the part the goal was to eat these small floating plants to grow as fast as possible but the problem was all of the other pair-looking creatures were getting in the way to resolve this i put big huge spikes on my sides and they seemed to do the job the spikes were useful but the real body part i was looking for was this the omnivore mouth oh god quick run oh god no despite being a mouth the omnivore mouth had a much more useful application it was the perfect stalk the only downside to this is that my mouth was now on top of my head so to eat other creatures or plants i had to perform some sort of 180 trick shot while swimming that was until i figured out a new ingenious tactic where my pair would position himself downstream of his prey and simply wait until they swam into his mouth with this new tactic the rest of cell stage was a breeze and before i knew it my pair had grown a brain people might not know this but in real life pairs don't actually have brains therefore this was the furthest pair kind had ever come but if my guy was going to survive on land he would need a bit of reshaping his talk was moved to the conventional mouth position and i also gave him some temporary legs just to get him started with the idea of walking like stabilizers on a bike the next i knew he was up and about and i could begin to rise to the top of the animal kingdom not through aggression or power but through a pair's strongest asset charm pairs have always been charming you look at a pair in real life and you just think ah what a handsome fruit this game was no different and upon encountering my first other species i began to put this to the test wait what it didn't work i'm sure that was just a glitch let me let me just try again no what's going on here okay just one more try no [Music] you didn't see a thing it was at this point that i discovered my pears could eat meat which you might think is strange until you realize that the other food in creature stage is fruit so that's technically cannibalism it was clear that the other creatures were looking for more than just a charming fruit they were looking for someone who could sing something which pairs couldn't really do i mean the only thing that's going to come out of that mouth is [Music] [Applause] to solve this i replaced the flute mouth with one that could sing beautiful soothing melodies and finally we started having some success with the further expansion of my pear's brain i decided it was time to remove our legs and go full pair mode ah yes this is exactly how i imagine a pair would move if it became sentient in real life it was unbelievably slow though i mean it was painfully slow hmm if i couldn't go with two legs and i couldn't go with no legs why not meet in the middle it was decided my pair would hop and if anything this only added to how adorable they were plus we could now cover a lot more ground monkeys i was now face to face with the human race's ancestors and they were much stronger than i was it seems that to make sure they weren't going to interfere with my plan for world dominance i would need to befriend some even more powerful allies hmm i guess i could choose these things or maybe this weird thing or oh how about these guys the ice monsters sounds pretty powerful to me considering their stature the ice monsters would be difficult to impress however my pairs did what pairs do best and began to roll around soon the ice monsters got the memo and to honor our new alliance a representative of the ice monsters came with us on the rest of our adventure with him around progression was easy and i was able to upgrade our body parts even further unfortunately this did up our speed quite a bit and the ice monster was struggling to keep up i felt perhaps i should make another ally just in case some creature gets a taste of pear but the ice monster is too far behind to protect us what about this this big round bird this big fat bird i want to make friends with this fat bird with the bird on side the perfect traveling circus had been formed and the rest of creature stage was a breeze before long it was time to enter tribal stage first though let's track our progress so far hmm yes it seems we started off as a pair and ended up as a pair yes unfortunately to enter tribal stage it was important that my pair had arms so that he could pick up sticks and start fires and the advancements didn't end there the language of perrys was formed facial hair was invented and some descendants were born do ask me how i don't know how pairs how i don't know how bears do that most importantly of all the tribe moved on from the sacred art of singing and instead ventured into the world of instrumentation the goal was to rule the world through vibes only and before long our first customers presented themselves the brown village the pairs prepared for their first concert however seeing as there's no currency among pairs as of yet all of the music they played would have to be royalty free and their set was predominantly made up of kevin macleod songs luckily everyone likes royalty-free music so making allies prove to be really easy [Music] after impressing the brown village three more villagers were drawn to the area there was the green village the blue village who all looked like the alien from the film alien and the pink village who were being attacked by a giant flying moose feeling unfairly treated after being beaten up by a giant moose the pink village lashed out thankfully the brown village were very generous and came to our aid showering us with gift after gift inspired by the brown villager's kindness i decided to make amends with the surrounding settlements by giving them each a basket of fruit don't ask where we got the fruit from and as such it was now time for our festival tour armed with didgeridoos maracas and pan flutes we began our tour at the pink village who were particular fans of the song sneaky snitch then it was on to the green village who fell in love with our rendition of quirky dog [Music] the blue village on the other hand were very fond of the song carefree the tour was a major success so successful that a whole new village was formed completely made up of music critics moving into the area the lavender village aside from looking like extras from the first ice age movie this crowd would be hard to impress the pairs would have to pull out their magnum opus kevin macleod's finest work a moving piece titled simply who likes to party [Music] this music was so powerful it sent us rocketing straight into civilization stage it was time to make a city to build a city we would first need a town hall which i of course designed in the shape of a pair we would also need a new form of transportation and as such the first ever car was made in civilization stage the main form of currency is spice which is a bit dodgy our new automobiles would help us get as much spice as possible unfortunately though pairs aren't very good drivers as they only have short arms and it took them a while to get used to going in a straight line in the meanwhile i got to work on expanding the city there would be houses in this shape of pairs entertainment establishments in the shape of pairs and factories in the shape of pairs but as i was refurbishing a whole new city of pairs appeared out of nowhere this wasn't good but it did present an opportunity to expand and i would do this through religious conversion as such the church of the holy fruit bowl was formed the church of the holy fruit bowl was mostly just for pears but it sounded grander to include other fruits as well this religion would have a strict set of rules and they went as follows rule number one no discrimination except against those associated with bananas rule number two watch at least 10 annoying orange videos each day before midday and a subsequent 10 before sundown rule number three never eat vegetables and love thy neighbor with our religion formed it was easy to convert the other pairs to our cause mostly because they were very impressed with the big holographic pair we were projecting in the sky i'd assumed that would be the end of that but within seconds we were being contacted by even more new neighbours it was the orange nation a subspecies of pair closely related to oranges straight out of the bat they asked us to state our intentions but seeing as world domination wasn't an option i had no idea what to say so i had to settle on religiously converting them instead and that went down perfectly finally i could have a moment's peace oh god who is it now the forest nation had come to us with a business proposition forest pairs are a species which grow on the bushes of the forest floor building huts out of sticks and mud well we're actually running pretty low on sticks and mud at the moment the deal is on and now that my nation was engaging in business negotiations i felt they needed to look a bit more sophisticated there we go perfect the next step towards world domination was now being held up by this big body of water separating us from the other nations therefore i set about creating a fleet of sea vessels unfortunately pairs aren't very good at sailing as they only have small arms but before they got the hang of it another business proposition was in front of us the purple nation are a breed of pairs with strong relation to the plum and i'm not gonna trade with a bunch of filthy plums no thank you i was so angered by the purple nations trade deal that i had to religiously convert another city just to calm down this city happened to hold the secret to aviation and i could now make my very own convoy of air vehicles or in this case parallel copters pelicopter is a stupid name that is a really dumb name regardless i decided to sell my whole fleet of cars and buy a display team worth of air vehicles unfortunately pairs aren't very good pilots as they only have small arms however they would have to learn fast as unwelcome visitors were on the doorstep the yellow nation introduced themselves and you can guess what they're related to that's right bananas bananas are not welcome under the church of the holy fruit bowl because they would just take up too much space i mean if you've seen them they're just so long and unnecessary these troublemakers needed to be diverted away from bananarism and quickly so i sent over the rpf that's the uh that's the royal pair force because it's like a royal air force but instead of air you would say oh great they've been converted moving swiftly on i continue to butter up the forest nation and it's a good thing i did too as we would need all their backing in what was to come the red nation had just turned up and they contacted me with this horrible request i insured them that they would have their money when they pried it from my cold dead hands war was declared i began to religiously convert their first city but as i did so they began to attack our city to cancel this out i began to convert another one of their cities but before i could they'd already taken back their original city and began attacking another of mine so i called an attack on my original city meaning their forces stopped attacking the city i just converted and instead went to stop my attack therefore i was able to claim the second of their cities at which point they resorted to mind games declaring that the planet trembles before their mighty armada they then began attacking me again so i stole all of their spice thankfully after all this messing around the red nation were as weak as a breadstick and with one final push my pairs were victorious to honor our alliance the first nation decided to merge with us and pairs worldwide celebrated our victory we now ruled the entire planet but why stop at just one planet i took over this one so why shouldn't i take over the moon for example or the whole solar system maybe even the galaxy it was decided pairs would venture into space and after inventing the space shuttle one brave astronaut took to the skies unfortunately pairs aren't very good at flying space shuttles as they only have small arms uh this is alpha bravo bravo tango six niner we seem to be experiencing some turbulence maybe got a little bit of an issue here [Music] [Music] you

Channel: BogBoy

Views: 2,518,206

Keywords: bog, boy, bogboy, jude, wedgwood, spore, pears, creation, civilisation, cell, creature, tribal, stage, evolution, EA, Maxis, gaming, conquering, the, world, pear, fruit, healthy, orange, banana, plum, forest, nation

Id: d3mBNEes6q0

Length: 13min 35sec (815 seconds)

Published: Sat Feb 27 2021