Comedians on Michael Jackson

[ __ ] getting old though [ __ ] cause the moves wasn't as christmas it used to be yo that nigga's like going through the [Applause] paces [Applause] and i'm wondering why he kept covering his [ __ ] face you know through the whole show then the hand came down i was like put it back up [ __ ] [ __ ] that [ __ ] look like the female monkey from planet earth i don't know when i watched the movie i swapping down it was michael [ __ ] i'm like they don't want to tell nobody that michael's doing this [ __ ] so they changed the night and that's michael jackson if that [ __ ] bleach himself one more time he's gonna be clear send that [ __ ] to afghanistan invisible [ __ ] all they'll see is moonwalk steps in the sand [ __ ] be here and [ __ ] [Applause] no no no no no no your bird is mine no but muslim black i don't play but you know what i'm saying that [ __ ] get to heaven god ain't gonna recognize the michael i made got a fro and a big old [ __ ] no what the [ __ ] is this pencil [ __ ] write me a note and they always complaining about how papa joe whooped their ass like he's the bad guy [ __ ] i wish i did have a father like that [ __ ] to whoop my ass in the fame [ __ ] he beat them [ __ ] in the superstar they need to run over there and kiss his dick you know what i mean [ __ ] you got a hundred million dollars [ __ ] go get some therapy what the [ __ ] you complain about when i was 15 he beat me oh shut up [ __ ] my mama beat me this far whoop my ass when i get off so i can end up like them [ __ ] [Applause] trip man whatever happened to pimps man what if michael jackson was a pimp should be him and tito be riding around in the cadillac and [ __ ] slow down tito so round tee don't damn is that my hope that's sitting on the curb let me out come here girl i said come here girl all my money how much you got i'm like i'm sorry all i got is a hundred dollar bill girl you've been out here all day and all you got 100 [Applause] bills i found my manager called me up and said yo man michael jackson man i was like so you know cuz i [ __ ] mike up you know mike mike don't wait but a buck 05 you know i bust that ass on my god i was looking for my but my manager said you know we don't know everything about michael jackson he might be this bad [ __ ] behind closed doors he's a recluse you know behind closed doors he might be completely different and i'll be at the party and have michael walk up to me one day and be like this can i talk to you for a minute yeah uh what's your [ __ ] problem man well how come you keep [ __ ] with me then huh what's all the [ __ ] jokes you don't like my toenails what's your [ __ ] problem you know what i'm like a [ __ ] jazz and i will brush your ass get the [ __ ] out my [ __ ] i'll moonwalk all up and down your ass [ __ ] you mind your [ __ ] business i hear some emotion i'ma put this glove up your ass i'll see you later that's a dumb i could never i've been trying for five months to do the move up and i can't do this [ __ ] it's [ __ ] it's the dumbest dance ever because i can't do it that's why i saying stupid but how can you do the moonwalk and ask a woman to dance it should be at the party hey baby come on let's dance see you later through the moonwalk that's some stupid [ __ ] michael can do that [ __ ] though michael's so famous michael went on television and everything he says the public believes went on television and said i don't have sex because of my religious beliefs and the public believed it i know brothers was like get the [ __ ] out of here and white people are going that michael's a special kind of guy he's special i mean he's good clean and wholesome y'all believe you know how i knew y'all believed it y'all didn't get mad when you took brook shields to grammys nobody white said [ __ ] and brook shields is the whitest woman in america that's miss america every year brook [ __ ] who you see with the crown brook you look a white woman in dictionary a picture of brook like this she's white and this [ __ ] took her to grammys nobody said [ __ ] if i took brook shields and grammys y'all lose your mind cause y'all know brook would get [ __ ] that night michael jackson lost his mind what the hell is wrong with michael another kid another cat i thought it was groundhog's day when i heard that [ __ ] another kick getting the [ __ ] out of here yo that's how much we love michael we love michael so much we let the first kid slide another kid i'm [ __ ] done i'm talking michael i thought i was a fan my whole life i am [ __ ] done i'm handed him my glove okay i saw michael on 60 minutes ed bradley tried his best to make michael look like a mammal somebody that drank water and breathed air right he gave michael the easiest questions in the world the easiest ged questions in the world and michael could not pass the test it's like oh michael do you think it's proper for a 45 year old man to sleep in a bed with thirteen-year-old boys [Applause] yes okay okay uh let me rephrase that oh michael would you let your children sleep in the bed of a 45 year old man that's been accused of child molestation yes ed bradley looked at michael jackson like he wanted to say [ __ ] you crazy like he wanted to take the 60 minutes clock and push the [ __ ] forward to get the [ __ ] off my show i thought you said it was 60 minutes it's 10 minutes get out of here y'all nutty [ __ ] what the [ __ ] is wrong with you i'm done with michael man you see michael go to court i'm about to come to court 20 minutes later what kind of black man gonna come to cult 20 minutes late this ain't barbershop too this is caught [ __ ] [ __ ] and he don't even wear a real suit to cook coming in there looking like captain crunch so who's your lawyer frankenberry better take your black ass to banana republic and get you a decent suit the [ __ ] is wrong with that boy i'm done with [ __ ] mike that's like another dead white girl showing up at oj's house and oj going i know what you're thinking michael jackson going to jail it's going to be a sad sight when michael jackson go to jail oh we going to shut the table michael jackson go to jail and it ain't even gonna be sad today he'll go in it's gonna be sad like a month later when that perm grows out of his [Applause] hair the shit's all nappy and gray with his makeup so [ __ ] up so he don't got the crayola people to fix his face no more that's a [ __ ] sad ass sight remember when he's young everybody just have those arguments about who's better michael jackson or prince prince won and that's why i don't trip off being a celebrity i don't like it i don't trust it just one minute they all love you and the next thing you know you're in front of that courthouse dancing on top of a car just trying to figure out what the [ __ ] happened to you [Applause] here's what i'm waiting for because the timing of this michael jackson [ __ ] is what makes me doubt it every time this war is going out of control or the economy gets bad or something is wrong with the world at large it's always these moments in history that michael jackson will coincidentally jerk awful kid this is getting ridiculous like are you planning this [ __ ] do you have meetings michael thank you for coming as you know michael the war has not been going as well as we expected there's been a lot of hiccups and the public is asking us a lot of questions of course and well michael there's no nice way to say this and all i know how to do is be direct so let me just be direct we're gonna need you to jerk off another child mike i'm sorry i am sorry but it would really help out or maybe he didn't who knows who knows that's the thing that's what i wanted to say who knows who the [ __ ] knows mike god and this little boy know that's that's about it that's about it the only reason that i can even talk about this [ __ ] is because everybody is speculating they all think he did it and i don't think he did it i'm alone in this i don't think he did it i'm not gonna say i don't think he did it that's too strong [Music] let me just say i am reserving judgment until all the facts come out but so far from what i heard i mean the kid said he was dying of cancer he was in make-a-wish foundation he claims he had two weeks to live and it was his dying wish to meet michael jackson come on man give me a [ __ ] break this kid is 10 years old he don't remember thriller the [ __ ] you want to meet michael jackson for honestly i remember thrilling and i just like kind of want to meet this [ __ ] like i wouldn't break an appointment i mean i'll put it that way i'd have to already be free that's ridiculous like if i'm dying in two weeks and go oh mama oh get me in the room with chubby chuckle i wouldn't want to meet that [ __ ] that my leg is two weeks why not usher somebody like this so then the kid claims he goes to michael's house this is where it all gets crazy i don't like you know he does everything you'd expect at michael's house they uh climbed trees and rode roller coasters and ferris wheels the chef made cookies pies and cakes that was petting the monkey and giraffes sing songs kid [ __ ] and in the middle of all this childlike activity for some reason mike pulled out some wine and some pills [Applause] and sucked this kid's dick folks it hurts me to safety and the kid had the nerve to call that abuse [ __ ] that is a good host god damn what else do you want what else do you want i'm lucky to get a glass of grape drink in my friend's house let alone a roller coaster riding my dick sucked mike must be confused like i brought you in my house i fed you i sucked your dick and this is how you repay me [ __ ] this was your wish not man thought you were dying in two weeks what happened to that [ __ ] i've been in court for a year and a half you get strong every time i see you when that this is [ __ ] up i shouldn't even say the [ __ ] wouldn't be some ironic [ __ ] if they found out through this case that the cure for cancer was michael jackson sucking your dick somehow [Applause] like if mike had powers like green mile and all the kids like please mike's i got this never again you didn't appreciate it can we at least study your saliva please viking it just doesn't stop though it just doesn't stop and the only reason i can talk about mike is because he's a freak he's a freak that's why people let you talk about because if i brought up catholic priests [ __ ] kids it'll get quiet as [ __ ] but but when michael jackson does it it's okay because he's a freak his face is all cut up but just remember when you look at that thing that he calls his face that he did that for you somehow somehow he thought you might maybe it'll help maybe people will like me more if i turn myself into a white ghoulish like creature i don't know what the [ __ ] it is but he did it for you and i appreciate the gesture michael jackson if you're watching this i appreciate that gesture and i want you to know [ __ ] everybody dave chappelle understands cause you want to know something i'm getting some work done surprise yes nothing major you would never know if i didn't tell you but it's some [ __ ] i'm insecure about that i want to work on if you must know i'm getting botox done on my bowls to get these wrinkles out finally have these just smooth as eggs no i can't wait

Channel: LaughPlanet

Views: 2,047,606

Rating: 4.8368702 out of 5

Keywords: comedians on michael jackson, michael jackson, dave chappelle michael jackson, eddie griffin michael jackson, chris tucker michael jackson, eddie murphy michael jackson, chris rock michael jackson, standup, comedy, funny, jokes, comedians, laugh planet, hilarious

Id: m2I2TmEdFxk

Length: 15min 24sec (924 seconds)

Published: Sun Jul 26 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/Penguinpowell]

“Smooth as eggs!”

[u/FrenchPressYes]

"Abuse? Motherfucker, where I come from, that's what we call bein' a good host!"

[u/demer_623]

Dave Chappelle killed it..