Comedians on White vs Black People (Part-1)

I'm actually on a mission man you know I don't even think comedy is my calling in life I think I'm meant for something greater like I had a vision the other night it came to me I think my mission in life is to help white people like really I want to feel comfortable enough to walk in your house unannounced at 3 o'clock in the morning just wake you up and go come with me my comics we don't do [ __ ] and we on the road except stay in hotel room and watch TV and I'm flipping through some of the stations and I'm watching these programs like Oprah and Phil and I'm seeing some of y'all's kids is out of [ __ ] control I really want to ask my people I've always been curious why don't y'all just beat your kids man be done whupped a [ __ ] ass [ __ ] y'all give y'all kids all kind of timeouts and special places the [ __ ] is a special place to a black child that's a coma what is the specialty black kids or no [ __ ] bout time out we nobody getting knocked the [ __ ] out that's it my mother used to slap the [ __ ] out of me in public and I would look at people for help but shut up white people felt my pain she just strap your child like people see black kids get hit like hey get your [ __ ] together likely we will beat other people's kids if they [ __ ] up too bad like miss you need to put this up your mother [ __ ] put that [ __ ] down here's my website evening home address call me I'll [ __ ] him up in a damn you need you ain't got to kill him just watch him turn red come out you know what I found out growing up totally shocked me white kids is just as shocked to find out black kids don't talk back to their parents as we are with him talk back to theirs so you just have a little buddy will come over my house on the weekends alone eight we be in my room playing video games normally used to come in the room on us cussed me out for no reason just scare the [ __ ] out of both we'd be in the room playing Mario Brothers she come kick open the door like swatting we'd be on level fours yeah here he's how many times on I told you to clean this [ __ ] room cut that goddamn game off the clean his room I come back this [ __ ] room ain't clean I'm gonna take it in the channel cord wrap it around your neck and stick it in your ass dig I ain't plan but you did say no threat mister promise try me [ __ ] try me my white friend would turn to me offended like dude what the [ __ ] she can't do that man this is your space yeah she's violating your right to privacy you should say something you want me to go say something I'd be so scared I saw it talking to him like a slave for roots like yous gonna get me in trouble I like you Nate I really do my parents is good black folks that give us a bit food that gives me sleep you get away from around here with that foolishness go get from here yeah well oh my mother smack the [ __ ] out the white boy he turned into me weird in the world I grew up in my neighborhood we didn't have a lot of diversity in my neighborhood diversity is always people's talking about it and we didn't have it you know my neighborhood was poor black poor white that was our neighborhood you know so I didn't feel in a white privilege I know some people had it man you know I knew some other [ __ ] with sweaters but I was two tank tops in the winter okay and I just didn't feel it you know I wish I'd have had some white privilege go sign me up but I didn't have it man there's just poor black kids poor white kids man and my poor black friends are always like man look what you did to us and I'm like dude do you think I would do all that [ __ ] to y'all and then move right next door now we gonna split this plum or not dawg we're in this together man it was hectic sometimes fighting with black kids is tough on if you ever fought a bunch of black dudes but they win they win dude yeah I got jumped one time after a football game about five black dudes only ever fought five black dudes that night [Music] just imagine you're fighting five black dudes right now close your eyes now how many black dudes are you fighting as many as your imagination can hold and when white kids are horrible to man it was just an impoverished just that's what's going on man and if you're a black guy and you feel like that's it racially insensitive then imagine you were fighting five white dudes in a cloud like damn this cloud is aggressive and accurate pride recently if you guys seen that movie let me see that it's about the first all-black swim team and the difficulties they had to go through being the first all-black swim team I mention question how many of those white people are evil movies are they gonna make it's like it's all the way down to swimming you know I'm starting to run out of white guilt you know now let's take those movies they started off unbelievable start off with roots right white guilt was at an all-time high I could barely even watch it I'm like dude I got it my ancestors evil okay please please turn the channel dude please turn the channel they still hit them [ __ ] turn the channel this is gonna be on all week Jesus Christ then the 80s it was like a football movie then like Cuba Gooding want to be like a scuba diver I remember that [ __ ] and now it's all the way down to swimming and I gotta admit I don't think I give a [ __ ] I'm not trying to be a dick it's a recreational activity plus I've been in pools there's been black people in the pool you know I never saw any white guy like trying to like [ __ ] like prevent people saying they just like making this [ __ ] up and I'm not being a dick here either okay just to clarify you know I just wanted anybody coming up to me after the show ah you know I was banking it then you [ __ ] said it I'm not saying that I don't think people should be loud put on some speedos and go for a dip I'm not saying that [ __ ] I'm just saying these movies like the characters aren't even believable like they always have to have like that though the over-the-top uninhibited white racist character you know you know that guy he's a guy like he's supposed to represent all the white evil you know he's like the dude they always have like screaming during the movie trailer they'll be like they were the first all-black swim team like a big vein in his forehead this screaming [ __ ] look not even looking around you know dudas ridiculous real racism is quiet it's subtle people look around first make sure that you know they make sure the coast is clear there's disclaimers like dude you know I'm not racist but these insert group name followed by [ __ ] up conversation right that's how it goes down that's right whenever the word [ __ ] is spoken it is always followed by the same question can white people say [ __ ] and the correct answer is not really you have to check with your [ __ ] consulate talk to your [ __ ] representative and they will tell you the [ __ ] rules where you are at that particular time right Mac so we live in a crazy time with dr. King and mr. Mandela's dreams are coming true black people and white people in Asians Indians and everybody's hanging out together and have interracial passes it's unbelievable what's going on have a bunch of white friends and all my white friends have one black friend [Applause] but if you have an interracial Posse if you are in an interracial person you have to figure out you know what are the rules of the integration possible what mother dr. dre rules of your crew that's right because you know what are the dr. Dre rules what are the rules when a dr. Dre song comes on the radio or plays at a club what is the procedure that goes into effect cuz sometimes up with my white friends and the dr. Dre song will come up and there's a lot of [ __ ] in the dr. Dre song and they want to enjoy it but they can't really enjoy it around me so they start taking out the [ __ ] or mumble in the [ __ ] it is just a sad sight to see it's just sad to see some white person trying to do a Nikolas rendition of a dr. Dre song it's just [ __ ] depressing and then trying to wrap the law without saying [ __ ] and they're like creeping down the back Street on knees I got you my glock [ __ ] cuz I don't know what the [ __ ] Sam this attack like that and I've never hit a cab but I [Applause] but I know enough today to lean into that [ __ ] he's not here turn it down a backstreet all knees I've got to my [ __ ] [Applause] since attack like that and I'd never hesitate I put back cow say hey man that's not even in the song I got a little carried away so I run there they should put it in they really should ah don't worry white people get your Dre on get your dry on get UJ on get your Kayne on the side so look it's okay it's got if it's gotta be in the song it's gotta be in the song it's got to be in the song so the quest to remains to say can watch people say yeah and that answers the same not really oh there's some exceptions like [ __ ] me harder [ __ ] a lot of white women try not to laugh or for the day's husbands right now nobody knows what white people you've been very good and keeping that [ __ ] of secret amongst the samples I study white people hello dad I'm right in the paper on you not eating for school just to do it just kissing who's doing this independent research and spending my money so I'm working so hard I follow you around grocery stores they freak out I just try to peek in the car they always seem get away from my cart [ __ ] what are you looking at chicken and chips are over there you must be lost these are vegetables I know what you drink see how quiet I got grape juice surprise [ __ ] you didn't know I know about grape juice did you oh don't play dumb with me there was a lot of black people don't have the privilege of knowing about grape juice because they have great drink it's not the same formula that you give ain't no vitamins in that [ __ ] you might have plenty of black friends over todd todd would you care for a glass of grape juice [ __ ] what the [ __ ] is juice I want some grape drink baby oh it's purple I don't think I know what a great drink is what I have some apple juice if you want what the [ __ ] is juice I want some apple drink scream remember that commercial was sunny delight when all the kids running from outside playing and they all run to the fridge all right I got some purple stuff some Sunny D soon as a sunny day all the kids oh yeah watch the black kid in the back if you ever see that commercial again look at that black kid be like I want that purple stuff ice test drink beta is drink they want they will drink when all them vitamins make our drink checkout water purple that's the ingredients sugar water and of course purple it's too [ __ ] much

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Keywords: comedians on white vs black, white vs black, comedy, stand up comedy, funny, jokes, white people vs black people, white privilege, bill burr, louis ck, dave chappelle, chris rock, theo von, funny jokes, black jokes, compilation, laugh planet, 2020, black lives matter, aries spears, racism, racial jokes

Id: A1G3SqvK8Cc

Length: 14min 0sec (840 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 25 2020