CLEVER COMEBACKS #13

this is where americans can travel now not many places at all so is there like an imaginary line that thinks they can stop us oh so wait you support illegal immigration now yeah that thing is called border control they won't let you through everyone my name is jake and welcome to clever comebacks where we're going to be looking at comebacks which are clever they're good comebacks where the other person just they get destroyed that's that's what it is enjoy watching emergency scoreboard meeting reopening a veteran just stood up and said the ghosts of the people i've killed to keep you all safe haunt me every night are you prepared to be haunted by the ghosts of the children and faculty for whom you were responsible hmm if they reopen schools like when everything else should be locked out they're just dumb they're so dumb yeah i'm so sick of hearing black lives matter jesus gave his life to save all of us and all lives matter no matter what colour you are or race all the ones that looted and burnt down homes in businesses all of them should have the same dome to them they don't know how it fell on those people they did that and two in your retweet not reward them for what they did yeah wait so two other dudes were crucified that day it's not fair to give only one special treatment right all crucifications matter god did they really have to use all caps to get that point across like they should have spent more time trying to write it properly than spamming it in all caps i never pull out 100 emoji and don't think i'm strapped up either shh i never pull out bro you never even put it in yeah you might be right but technically he's right as well you can't pull out if you never put in so he's wins here what is your idea of the perfect date hmm i like the day then the month then the year other formats can be confusing really yeah i have to agree with this guy like in america you guys use the month then the day than the year that just doesn't make sense to me day month year right freedom to not wear a mask welcome to the freedom cafe we trust you to make your own choices if you want to wear a face mask and in the same spirit of individual liberty we allow our staff to make their own choices about the safety procedures they prefer to follow as they prepare and serve your food we encourage employees to wash their hands after using the bathroom but understand that some people may be allergic to certain soaps or may simply prefer not to wash their hands it is not our place to tell them what to do we understand that you may be used to chicken that has been cooked to 165 degrees we do have to respect that some of our cooks may have seen a meme or a youtube video saying that a hundred degrees is fine and we do not want to encroach on their beliefs some servers may wish to touch your food as they serve it there is no reason that a healthy person with clean hands can't touch your food we will take their word for it if they are healthy and clean water temperature and detergent are highly personal choices and we allow our dishwashing team to decide how they prefer to wash the silverware you will put in your mouth some of you may get sick but almost everyone survives food poisoning we think you'll agree that it's a small price to pay for the sweet freedom of no one ever being told what to do and especially not for the silly reason of keeping strangers that healthy much sums it up like 99 perfectly i just don't understand how the logic is oh well uh i want my freedom but you have to do exactly what i say you're not a real person you work welcome to rural america we don't use rubber haha uh your dad should have straight up get into the point i bet there were so many angry reactions to that one yeah how dare you say like if you came near me i wouldn't use a a rubber on you i hate you with every inch of my body that's not a lot of inches i guess you kind of liked me then right i tweeted about how europe is handling the pandemic better than america and a bunch of people in my mentions are telling me that i can't live in europe and i'm like i can't because americans aren't allowed in because of how badly we're handling the pandemic i i want to but i can't if men are agreeing with you you said something stupid you are absolutely right like did they not think that was going to be a response really put every gay person on an island and see how many generations come after it would be zero ah put you in a group of 100 women on an island and it will be the same result i don't understand why he has this problem anyway like it's not like everyone in the world is gay and gay people still can make a baby if they need to they just don't want to like what does it affect you never argue with children a little girl was talking to her teacher about whales the teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small the little girl stated that jonah was swallowed by a whale irritated the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human it was physically impossible then the little girl said when i get to heaven i will ask jonah the teacher asked what if jonah went to hell and the little girl replied then you ask him even if that didn't happen which it probably didn't it it's still good like and i swear you can swim inside a blue whale's like what's it called vein so how are you not gonna fit in its throat surely you could fit in his throat right ah screw these masks you're all sheep ha ha if you are so afraid of an overhyped virus then you don't need to be going out in public stay in your pasture little sheep oh wow look another person that doesn't know the difference between your and your yet somehow they're qualified to speak as a scientist the thing that annoys me is the afraid of a over hype like it an overhyped come on just just add an n please if i ever die from covid please know that my dying wish is that my corpse be catapulted at high speed directly into mitch mcconnell's bedroom window at 3am i don't just want my death to be politicalized i wanted to be weaponized it's not exactly a comeback but that'd be kind of awesome to have your body catapulted right um at sainsbury's this was supposed to be a 500 gram pack where's the rest only 478 grams uh you bought bolognese kelly not cocaine for real though public school teachers next month all right we got a yeah that's right hey uh why are you sharing this you're spreading misinformation there is no way we'll be teaching cursive why did we ever learn cursive like i learned cursive i've probably forgotten it by now but just why yo dude i got the clap again what's this the sick time now from her you've got the wrong number but pretty bold of you to call it the clap though after this many times of getting it sounds like you should start calling it the applause lol wait this isn't blank no it's not blank it's blank and i really don't want to hear any more about what your wandering girlfriend has been giving you or anything else wait wondering like you think she's cheating on me you think she's not after six times she gets any more traffic down there she can open up a starbucks i also like how instead of deleting his number he's just named the guy the clappers how does one breathe through a mask though like today i struggled to breathe the whole time i was out uh have you tried using this the respiratory system this is this is how you do it it doesn't change with the mask my landlady told us not to say hey to her so my friend helped us draft a message instead and i hey i'll be moving in after june 1st um please don't address me with hey oh my bad sorry um milady blank of the land please allow that i establish residency in the premises sometime after the first day of the sixth month of the year of our lord 2020 warm regards peasant fifth of the oil fields imagine being that full of yourself that you're a landlady like all you do is own a house you're not like special in any way like do not address me as hey i am much more like shut up bro you own a house that's all you did you oh you're so cool unpopular opinion cameras should be removed from cell phones cameras should be removed from cell phones everyone always has to take pictures and videos of everything instead of enjoying things constantly having a camera at your disposal is ruining humanity in more ways than one uh i don't think cameras are the problem so much as social media that's like blaming spoons for obesity i don't really see the problem if you want to use one use one it's like why does it take away from humanity why do so many murderers bury victims in their own backyards hmm not everyone has the trunk space or gas money to drive way out in the middle of nowhere to dump their bodies check your privilege we're all doing the best we can out here true yeah come on this guy's just so privileged most elderly aren't afraid of this virus they carry on like normal unlike the younger generations afraid of their shadow well i used to have a dog that wasn't afraid of traffic yeah it didn't turn out so good it's it's called ignorance bro guys how do i stop procrastinating my teachers are sending work over emails and i haven't done any i'll tell you later it's well played all right it's been 17 days he still hasn't told me this guy's good at procrastinating some of you actually believed that 5g caused coronavirus i won't forget that um if y'all want to be blind to what's going on in society then go ahead don't call people crazy for seeking the actual truth instead of believing everything that the government tells them your own research is always some photoshopped bs and youtube videos trues a 50 cent frosty is a pretty sweet sight grab yours before this deal melts away um how many retweets do i need for a free frosty it's 50 cents uh not everyone is rich yeah that's why we made them 50 cents what passenger why should i have to wear a mask if yours works the driver damn good point turns off headlights well what are you doing it's dark well chill the other cars have them on it doesn't matter if they only see me when i'm right next to them and we crash because they've got headlights right i'm not a big fan of your chicken nuggets wendy's replies well i'm not a big fan of your existence jesus wendy's come on he just didn't like the chicken nuggets alright lebron james says just walking back up from my pre-game nap to see about the washington football team is that real no way oh man they had a thorough intense long board meeting about that one huh washington football replies your son's name is literally lebron james jr wow you made it all the way to the end that must mean you liked it a tiny bit right if you want to check out more click on screen right now one video two video you might like them maybe i don't know you could maybe subscribe and stuff thanks

Channel: WhyJake

Views: 459,261

Rating: 4.9301929 out of 5

Keywords: twitter posts, facebook posts, reddit posts, tinder posts, funny, comedy

Id: oOi6okUszhI

Length: 12min 43sec (763 seconds)

Published: Mon Aug 03 2020