Check Your Baggage - Relationship Goals #3 | Jonathan Pokluda

I mean he's practically dating a model she told me they went to Cabo and he paid for the whole thing dude she does his laundry and cooks he proposed at the Eiffel Tower in Paris bro she plays in his fantasy football league and there's more about the Cowboys that he does she's got the husband the house she's got it all what more could you ask for what more could you ask for how we doing the porch thank you for being here Dallas Fort Worth we're so excited you guys are watching downtown Dallas thank you guys for hanging out with us there this summer we'll see you here next week Houston Texas we're so glad you guys are gathered there as well we are excited about this series of what God is doing through the lives of young adults he's changing the world to the lives of young adults and so that's why we do this we are just pumps so we're continuing our series relationship goals and I'll start with the story twelve years ago September 20th will be mark 12 years I and my lovely wife Monica were headed to our honeymoon so we had just got married the day after our wedding we are in DFW Airport about to go to the Riviera Maya in Mexico Beach all-inclusive resort for a week and we're so pumped about it okay we are so excited and so we we go to the airport we get there early right we park at remote north parking because that's what you do when you're good steward and so and and and and we had four bags just like this since I remember we had these these four bags and I'm you know I'm trying to be chivalrous I'm trying to be a gentleman a good husband now that I'm 24 hours in and so I'm like hey you know you you take you take this one baby I'll get these three and so I'm kind of loading them up on the bus you know one by one and and then we take the bus to the to the terminal and then we end them there with where the bus dropped us off to get to the gate to check-in you had to go up this escalator and so man DFW has the biggest escalators and and so it drops us off this escalator and we got these four bags and I'm not this is not where I dog on her for you know bringing a bunch of bags because in reality I'm the shopper in our family and so she had two bags I had two bags and we were created equal and equally yoked if you will and so and so there we are and so I'm like I sweetie you got your bag you know I got these three and and I'm and I get them on the escalator you know and it's complicated because those stairs move and and I got one on and then the other and I'm kind of holding them and I'm doing this act that she's right here just below me she's got her you know her bag and I got these three and and when we get to the top of the escalator you know the sides of the escalator don't move and so the side done escalators where the sides not moving the side kind of grabs one of the bags and it lurches me forward and I bump her and then she begins to fall down the stairs I grab onto her and when when I do I begin to fall on top of her three bags falling on top of me I'm not lying we fall from the top of the escalator to the bottom of the escalator I'm laying there on my back she's on top of me bags on top of her I'm bleeding I'm like this is how it starts like it's just a bad omen or something this cannot be good like I'm hurt my eye my leg is bleeding and and the moral to the story is don't go on your honeymoon with a bunch of baggage so it happened it's true and I believe the Lord gave me that so twelve years later I could say that line do not go on your honeymoon with a bunch of baggage and so that's what we're going to talk about tonight as we move through this series we're not on the date yet I'm well aware of that we've been talking about kind of the prerequisites to dating first that you date for marriage and and to date for marriage you have to have an understanding a biblical worldview of what marriage is and then we talked about this idea that we love people and to love people we have to go back to the author of love the one who invented love the one who claims that he is love to understand how to love and this week next week will move towards the date will move towards looking for the one that we're going to spin the rest of our life with but this week we have to deal with our baggage we everybody in the room if there's 3600 people here there's 3600 people with baggage here you have baggage you have to know what it is and how amazing this evening if we can identify our baggage and you so you don't have to be like me you don't have to take it on your honeymoon you don't have to take your baggage into marriage could you imagine how powerful that would be and so I hope tonight is not a burden for you I hope that it presents to you hope and at some point in this message you may feel guilty you may feel weight you may feel condemnation or conviction and I just want you to hang in there with me hang in there because it's there's good news this evening from the Scriptures as we dive into the scriptures and so what more loving thing could you do for your future spouse then to begin tonight to intentionally deal with the baggage from your past the baggage that you carry around with you today whether you realize it or not and some of you will realize that you have baggage that you're carrying with you that means that you shouldn't be dating right now that you need to take a season as some of you will realize that you need to end a relationship tonight okay don't leave take a deep breath no need to elbow anybody just hang in there and let's look at the Scriptures for hope because here's what I can promise you if you do things according to God's plan he'll bless that you trusting yourself over God's plan will never ever not one single time not ever go well for you and so let's just see what he has to say from these ancient texts this evening and I do hope that you leave with hope and so as we move through this text here in Colossians chapter 3 we're going to look at unchecked sins unchecked hurts and and before you leave here this evening unchecked lies that you are believing now it's not often that I always kind of will read the scriptures and and learn things so I'll learn things but it's not often that I'll see something that are just kind of blow my mind like wow I never realized that before that happened to me this week that happened to me this week and so I want to share that with you what I learned from the Scriptures this week because I never noticed something in Ephesians chapter 5 Colossians 3 in 1st Corinthians 6 the Apostle Paul who wrote these letters to the churches there in Colossae and Ephesus and Corinth he wrote these letters that's what these these scriptures are these ancient texts with the Holy Spirit preserved for us they're just at least in the New Testament the the epistles those are letters two literal churches and so he doesn't know that he's writing scriptures you know he's just writing letters he's saying hey this is how you should conduct the church hey these are things that you need to be aware of hey this is what it means to live a godly life a holy life to pursue Christ this is what Christ has done for you so he's just writing these letters that now we read and we apply to our lives but what was interesting to me about these letters to the to the church in Ephesus Colossae in Corinth is that he's talks about marriage in all three of them he talks about the role of a husband and the role of a wife and all three of them and in all three of those letters right before he talks about marriage he gives a list of sins and he says that's what you were that's not who you are you need to put these to death you need to put them aside you need to take them off and put on the clothes of Christ to realize who you were see some of you came in here this evening and you have an identity problem you have to go back to the basics of the gospel and realize who you are in Jesus Christ and so I'm going to tell you where the other two places are I don't have time to cover right now that's your homework I want you to look this up write these down okay so in Ephesians chapter 5 this is where husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church right before that in verses three through a he gives us this list of sins in first Corinthians 6 which is right before first Corinthians 7 where he talks about the role of a husband a role of a wife the Christian household in 1st Corinthians 6 verses 9 through 11 he gives us a very similar list of sin lots of overlap and then again will will be tonight in Colossians chapter 3 and so this blew my mind this week and and I'm glad I can share that with you I want you to go home and study it for yourselves but we'll be in Colossians 3 verses 5 through 10 this evening very similar list he says this put to death therefore whatever belongs to your earthly nature sexual immorality impurity lust evil desires in greed which is idolatry because of these the wrath of God is coming you porch you used to walk in these ways in the life you once lived your old life your past life your BC life your before Christ life but now you must also read yourselves of all such things as these anger rage malice slander and filthy language from your lips do not lie to each other since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its creator he says hey hey push that's who you were you're not that anymore stop continuing in those ways Christ has made you new he's giving you some new clothes to wear you don't have to wear those old grave clothes you don't have to carry around that old baggage that's not who you are you're a new creation with the Holy Spirit living inside of you purchased with a price walk in that way check that package and so my first point this evening is sin left on that leads to addictions I've realized that I've I've as I've met with young adults there are three categories of baggage that I want to pull from this scripture that I think are the three biggest categories of baggage for everyone here and the first one is addictions this comes from your pets in this is the bag that you carry around with you okay these are those little pet sins that you have in your life and so if we open this bag what's inside these are the clothes you can't get rid of you know that old comfy sweatshirt that you like to wear when you're watching movies you know these are the clothes that you just maybe it's it's something that has you know some it's okay it's okay like I don't know if butterfly collars and pearl snaps are still in but it's true religion I paid way too much for this shirt and so I'm gonna keep it okay that's not going to Goodwill and and I don't know when the engineer pants are coming back in style but these always fit just perfect and I just can't and who else wears 36 inseam I mean I can't get rid of them but you guys know these sins you know these ones that you can't I mean some of these things are very familiar to you and you know the addiction that they've caused in your life you know the things that rule you talked about that comfy sweatshirt you can't get rid of and you're carrying them around with you and it desires to end your marriage long before your marriage ever started desires to hurt your spouse before you ever even meet them these sins the sins that are left unchecked that grow into something that controls you put to death therefore whatever belongs to your earthly nature sexual immorality impurity lust evil desires in greed which is idolatry these things are addiction and so I want to talk about first few on the list because these are the ones he repeats over and over he talks about sexual immorality and impurity and lust these are the ones that I've noticed as I've met with you tend to be some of the biggest baggage that folks here carry they come from your addiction to pornography your past sex life your your encounters be it one time at prom or be it right before you came here maybe it's like what we're married in God's eyes or we're going to or it's a committed relationship I think it's okay read your Bible understand God's Word you're behind a lie I don't know if you've ever noticed that we create categories for sex we create different categories for it the other day I was talking to a young man he told me he was struggling with pornography by struggling I mean he was falling into it there was no struggle the struggle was him falling victim to pornography giving himself to it on a weekly regular basis and he said yeah I look at porn every week but at least I'm still a virgin and I want you to hear what I said to him I said why do you think Jesus is a liar and he said I don't think Jesus is a liar and I said well why would you call yourself a virgin because I read in the scripture Matthew 5 verse 28 says I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her jesus said you're not a virgin now listening closely I don't say that to condemn you or to hurt you or to put condemnation on you you got to remember Jesus the one who said those words is the one who paid for that sin to make you a new creation but why do we put these categories around sex as if one is better than another and and I'll live with this one as long as it's not that one and I think we have to redefine what this even means I believe the reason Jesus is saying this is because he knows how day dangerous and detrimental to a healthy marriage that activity is if we've hung out long at all you know that derailed my marriage two years in and not that I was actively looking at porn two years in the marriage but I was actively looking at porn the 12 years before marriage and it almost caused it almost cost me my marriage I'm so passionate about this this is why Jesus says do everything you can to get rid of it if your right eye causes you to sin gouge it out and throw it away if your right hand causes you to sin cut it off people get rid of it get rid of the computer who needs it what are we doing do whatever it takes to deal with these sins that seek to kill you and so I'm talking about any kind of sex outside of marriage oral sex anal sex sexting gay sex straight sex any kind of sex is you pursue sexual pleasure outside of marriage just to Roger to clear the categories God is saying yeah you're hurting yourself and I have something better if I'm not just trying to give you rules to follow to make you feel guilty trying to set you free and give you life so that you can have it abundantly he says there's this misunderstanding around this word sex sex is nowhere in the Bible it's not mentioned in the scripture we have different words sex is an English word that we use to describe this activity but in fact I have a friend that says I don't even talk about sex inside of marriage because people have such a skewed view young adults going into marriage have such a skewed view of what it is he actually he speaks to pre married often and he says you know what I hope you never have sex these are couples that are just about to get married he says I hope you never have sex which he gets all their attention and he says I hope that you pursue intimacy and oneness in marriage he says sex is something God something dogs do on the side the street I hope that you pursue intimacy and oneness with one another we don't know that some of you will never have that and I'm not saying that you will never have sex you may only just have sex and God has something better for you you're learning the wrong way you're training your heart and your mind for something distantly second third fourth best when God has something much better for you the Hebrew word that we translate sex is literally mingling of souls what a beautiful reality so I've talked about that one he says sexual immorality impurity but listen addictions that you need to check can be anything if you're addicted to alcohol cigarettes interaxial bulimia eating disorders an addiction to food it could be an addiction to working out it could be an addiction to things maybe you love to shop you wake up in the morning you go to Wu communes on you can't wait to buy something maybe it's masturbation for you maybe it's gambling you'd love to go to Shreveport or Vegas or play Hold'em or whatever that is for you maybe it's an addiction to people relationships you're codependent you look back and you realize you've never been single since the fifth grade you've got a problem you've got to deal with it Paul says greed materialism and in 1st Corinthians 6 he goes on to say I will not be mastered by anything you have an addiction if you can't go say three months without something that's an addiction sad I don't I use that well I don't think we ever think we have an addicted like there's so many of you that have been looking at pornography at least every month since the fifth grade you wouldn't say well I'm addicted you wouldn't even say that word can I tell you something as a friend who loves you you're addicted you're an addict you need help and helps available that's the good news I've found healing I was an addict I've been healed I've been set free I walk in freedom and you can too often these addiction in our lives they lead to deep hurts these deep hurts turn to us lashing out in anger Paul writes in first in verse seven you used to walk in these ways friends that's who you were that's the life you once lived that's who you were it's not who you are but now you must also verse eight you must also rid yourself of all such things as these anger rage malice slander filthy language from your lips cursing my second point this evening is that hurts left unchecked lead to anger hurts left unchecked lead to anger this is that bag that we don't want to show anyone this bag this is that one that we don't want to anybody to see what's in it we don't want to deal with that thing that happened we don't want to face it it's hard to open it's heavy it's got weights in it rocks in it and carrying around these are things that happen to you these are these are clothes that have been given to you I wouldn't buy that somebody gave that to me and they're heavy and the thick someone passed it on to you someone did that to you and now you got this weight and you're carrying it around you don't want anyone to see it it's hard to hide shows up in traffic it shows up when things don't go your way when you don't get the promotion this shows up when when you realize the state that you're in when you feel like God's ripping you off this shows up and you are just waiting for someone to come along so that they can make you feel better and you're going to sink them you're going to latch on to them and you're going to weigh them down with your anger and your malice and your age and your cursing and your broken heart these hurts it can be anything they can come from anywhere it comes from past relationships a breakup someone stole your heart why they do that to you and it cheated on you betrayal caused hurt an abortion partnered with that tried to hide something tried to fix it that can cause this there's healing friends you will have to carry that weight around we're not mad at you we're not mad at you we love you God loves you he's not mad at you he just wants to talk about it can we just talk about it you're gonna hide that your whole life you could take that to the grave no you're not you're gonna die from the inside out slowly carrying around that weight it can be from parents a parent that left you understand why a divorce that you experienced that you still hurts when you think about it cause the damage that you never wanted to admit or maybe you do admit it or maybe your parents did this weird thing there was the performance-based acceptance they said hey I love you as long as you're good as long as you get the ribbon as long as you get the trophy as long as you make the team as long as you perform as long as you look my friends in their eyes yes sir no sir you ask me I'm no man as long as you do these things you're gonna feel love from me but if you don't do these things you're gonna feel like I regret you that's heavy that's a heavy heavy weight it can come from abuse friends any kind of abuse be physical abuse someone taking their anger out on you you swear you'll never be like that but the stuff is passed on like a disease one person to the next people who say they'll never be that way it just goes just perpetuates itself examples such a strong force it can be mental abuse maybe you dated someone that played mind games with you you they said they loved you but they consistently hurt you and this causes this it can be the unspeakable sexual abuse the use were you never deal with a no that's heavy I know it's heavy I'm sad with you I've talked with you in my office I know it's heavy but we've got to deal with it tonight we gotta stop carrying it around we've got to find healing from this the truth is friends the truth is from most of us here tonight have experienced sexual abuse that's the reality you probably in ways that you're naive to have experienced sexual abuse let me redefine the term for you sex or intimacy between two people was God's invention a genius invention I might add for marriage and so if you've had sex outside the context of marriage of any kind you've abused it you've gone against the creator's design and you have been a part of a force that is so much stronger and more powerful than you could ever imagine and the world tries to convince you that it's no big deal and that is why the world is suffering as it is today why divorce rates climb while marriage is decline kids born out-of-wedlock the hearse that we see today because they keep telling no big deal and we've experienced sexual abuse and we never experienced healing from that but let me tell you something there's hope because if you have been a victim of any kind of abuse and you appropriately heal from it you expose it you bring it into the light God begins to repair your heart you are given one of the most powerful forces in the world it's called empathy hurt people who carry around weight hurt people hurt people hurt people but healed people have the power of the Holy Spirit in them when they've been healed through the blood of Christ Jesus through confession repentance dealing with their sins their struggles their hurts and they go to recovery and healed people heal people and you have that opportunity to go through that I've seen this man I have a friend have a friend who had been divorced gone through all kinds of crazy relationships found identity in men got pregnant had an abortion carried that weight you know and went through a recovery program for those who had had an abortion and you know what she had to do she had to carry these rocks with her everywhere she went until she was ready to receive the grace of Christ and I was with her we were in the Amazon jungle true story on a boat on an international discipleship trip to the Amazon and she took those rocks to the top of that boat and she threw them in the Amazon River and said I am ready to receive the grace of Christ I am ready to extend forgiveness to those who have hurt me I am ready to understand that God has forgiven me for the hurts that I've done and she got baptized in the very same water that she threw the rocks in and that's not all do you know what what happened next is the Lord began to he her and she and he created annum in astray to those who had abortions around her and that ministry grew and today it's thousands of people many of whom are listening to me right now that's what God does when you bring your hurts to him some of you the hurt that you carry around is that you look at where you're at and you're like hey I don't even marriage like I don't know how many prospects and I want to get married and God why have you forgotten me and you're sitting there and you're drowning in this in the you're drowning in the sea of singleness you're drowning in the waters of singleness you're like God why don't you throw me a life raft of marriage throw me the life trap of marriage and he's like cuz you're drowned if I did you'd think it's too heavy for you right now you need to heal with the bitterness inside of you and stop wearing these weights stop wearing these weights but check the baggage check I'm not saying I want to be clear I'm not saying that once you deal with this you know as soon as you deal with your baggage God's gonna send you someone I'm not saying that you may deal with your baggage you may walk outside and get hit by meteor you know I don't know man that may happen you may get up to heaven be like what was that all about you wanted my attention you could have just spoke to me or something didn't have to send a meteor but but I know what won't happen you won't get up there and be like hey why wasn't I married you'll be like oh wow what is marriage I'm married to the bridegroom of Jesus Christ for the rest of eternity nobody's married up there I don't know if he knew that I'm as married in heaven scripture says that explicitly someone who hasn't forgiven someone else is carrying around weight that will exposed itself in times of trouble sometimes people say well yeah I can forgive other I just can't forget myself you're right you can't forgive yourself you didn't sin against yourself you can't forgive your sin against God okay others will use that semantics terminology I don't have a problem with it but I'll just let you know you're not trying to forgive yourself you're trying to receive the grace that God is freely extending to you right now and understand that he's forgiven you and that he's making you into something and he already sees the finished product and he loves it immensely not some future version of you not what you're becoming he loves the finished product of what he's going to do in your life he already sees it as such do not live versus time do not lie to each other since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its creator since you have taken off your old self with its practices and you've put on this new self which is being renewed in the knowledge the reality renewing your mind Romans 12:1 and 2 says around that there is a creator and that he's going to turn you he's finishing a work that he started in you making you into the image of Jesus Christ his son perfected at glorification forever and ever and ever and ever and he's not holding your abortion against you your sex against you your pornography against you your alcoholism against you your gambling against you your hurts your sexual abuse that what you did that's what was done to you it's not being held against you ease forgiving you for it he sent you free from it you'll feel free because you're carrying that baggage the last one it's a big one big baggage in marriage it's unchecked lies lies left unchecked will lead you astray lies left unchecked leads you astray see you came in tonight and you have all of these preconceived notions of what dating and marriage and sex and all of these things are but they're not informed by the scripture they're informed by Cosmo they're important by TV they're important by movies romantic comedies they're informed by the internet oh my goodness and so can I just think you're believing lies in this room you you have bought all of these lies that hey it's all about your happiness and all of this craziness and and eternity has zero implications on what you believe about marriage and dating you have to renew your mind and so this is that baggage like I said it's a big one the lies that we believe these these are the clothes that you bought because someone else convinced you they were cool my Easy's who who knew how'd those get in there that sorority shirt caios in the house those things that were that you did because you wanted to fit in clothes you wore cuz you wanted to fit in clothes that that culture said hey this is what the style is this is where you need to go you're being you're being influenced by external influences some of them are wrong and you believed lies have you ever into what happens in marriage have you ever done this have you ever got to the gate or the the baggage check and your bag has to be under fifty pounds that one that's mine it never is I get up there and it's like 54 pounds and then you have to unzip it has this ever happen any buddy you have to unzip it and shuffle around you do the shuffle you're like okay oh here oh here's my bottle of Don Julio tequila no I'm just kidding that that has to go somewhere else we got to move this around and put that there and this that whatever right and all you're doing and this what happens in marriage is you begin to shuffle around the lies that you've believed throughout the years a lot we're not gonna make love every single day of our lives marriage isn't all about that what you're not gonna come to bed every night and lingerie what oh this really isn't about tips and tricks what it's not about performance what oh we do that less than 1/2 a percent of our lives what oh God speaks into how many kids we should have no sorts of things what oh community matter what church worship and you begin to learn new things renewing your mind around what the creator has for you proverbs 4:23 says baa-baa lost guard your heart for everything you do flows from it your version might say keep your heart with all vigilance for out of it everything in life flows what it's saying friends is that you got to be careful what you let in your heart because what you put in your heart takes you places and when you begin to inform your heart around what love is what dating is and what marriage is and it's lies you go into marriage and and every single person every pre married couple Monica and I have done premarital counseling with every single one of them have struggled with bad expectations and it's because the culture has fed their bad expectations so we sit in our living room we go through how awful their expectations are they call me two months later and tell me that we were right but they didn't believe us when we said that and it's just these rose-colored glasses that we wear or these terrible expectations that we have and so where does it come from it can come from your friends and some of you you came here by yourself because no one would come with you what I wasn't go to church on Tuesday no no thanks and you realize you have no positive influences you don't have community you're not a really a part of the church you're sitting on the outside looking in and and you know that you keep going to the same places hoping that something else happens you return to the same sins like a dog to his vomit and it's because those around you are such strong influences on your life and for you my friends what I would say to you is you need to change your playmates in your playground what not you want me to just like stop being friends with them I want you to stop being friends with them what do you mean stop talking calling going over hanging out with that feels unloving it may be the most loving thing you can do most gone otter and god-honoring thing you can do I'm not going to go to the bar with you anymore I'm not going to club with you anymore I'm not going to do that anymore can be your parents your parents didn't make you a sinner but they gave you some great sins to choose from they passed their baggage on to you some of you your mother was a worrier anybody's mama warrior don't raise your hand that wouldn't be loving you go out of your friends die where you going you'll text me when you get there text me when you get home who's driving he's got a driver's license what she's out there with breathalyzer test you know I'm he's crazy right and in today that looks like why aren't you married yet aren't there some good guys in that church oh man thanks mom for that encouragement marriage motivator just marry someone as long as you're happy and they tell you stupid things like it's about your happiness parents love to say that it's not about your happiness life's not about you you were put here by someone else and life is all about him you live in for him comes from magazines lots of magazines teach you tips and tricks you never see I always walk through the grocery store I like who buys these things but evidently people do because there's always new ones out there and and they say the dumbest things they never say they never have say this they ever say hey here's how to be married for 60 years it's the headline that I've never seen it's always tips and tricks here's how to get his attention you know who reads that women who've been married six times read that that's who read that here's how to get his they're always trying to get his attention it says dumb things like seven tips to get her to orgasm and what hell is Oh word huh no hey here's here's what and this is why I'm grieved for you this is why I'm grieved for you because I've talked to so many of you who go into marriage with performance anxiety because the culture has taught you this is all about you work in your moves oh my goodness read the Bible okay learn to pursue intimacy learn to understand from the one who created the act yeah I mean those people that are all about being great lovers get divorced and remarried and divorced and remarried and divorce and just a case like you the enemies tend to be like oh well he just maybe he's got problems no listen Monica nah no we don't have problems in regards to that area okay things are going quite well listen listen but I will tell you this listen back with me but I took a lot of baggage into marriage I took a lot of baggage into marriage and it took seasons of healing and it just gets better and better and better my friend told me so many of these young adults think the the goodie bag is the word he used happens on the honeymoon he's been married for a long time he says the goodie bag happens in two 35 years of pursuing intimacy and it just gets better and better and better and we just don't think that way we just don't understand what God has desired for this I want you to I want you to understand a better way we learned this from movies and TV you've never seen that show that really gives you a biblical view of relationships lots of worldly views though and so I want you to think about where you're getting relationship advice from God tells me the other day was that a kid's birthday party he's he's on his fourth wife and he says JP come here I want to give you some relationship advice said no thanks he said well I've had lots of practice said that doesn't make you an expert bro I don't I've got an expert I've got community no offense but I don't want your relationship advice people riding all the time the email and and say hey JP I just want your opinion on something no you don't you don't want my opinion I hope you don't I hope you want to understand I mean if you want me to clarify a verse or give you what I think that means or send you some commentaries or some Jesson resources but I'm not an advice column and I here to give you my opinion on anything I want you to know what God desires for you from the instruction that he's given us we check our baggage because it's cumbersome it's reckless it's hard to carry around that's why we check it we don't carry it with us on the plane that's why we unpack it as soon as we get somewhere could you imagine carrying all that stuff around all the time and so application quickly if you came in with addictions you may need to trust in Christ that he's forgiven your sins through his death and resurrection on the cross that he's paid for it he saw all the porn that you saw in a moment when he paid for it and it crushed him and it cost him his life he paid for everything that you've done wrong he paid for that abortion it cost him his life but he did it because he loves you he's crazy about you he did it to set you free you need to confess bring it to the light stop hiding it and you need to pursue recovery and if you're looking at porn like you shouldn't be dating if you're having sex the most loving thing that you may be able to do right now the most loving thing you should do is break up so hey we need to we need to put the brakes on this pull the parking brake take some time pursue healing get right with God understand what really matters in life I stopped training for adultery stop training ourselves for sex outside of marriage I don't want to train myself to cheat on you anymore by having sex with you outside of marriage some of you what you need to do tonight is going your Outlook calendar move forward six months or a year and just write in the subject line date again in between now and then go into regen go into biblical recovery and heal it'll be the most loving thing you could do for your spouse if you came in angry from past hurts pursue healing identify the source of those hurts we have all kind with someone care shelter from the storm men if it's sexual abuse we have we have people who are here that what they do every day is they exist to help you recover from that in a godly way be it an abortion be it an abuse whatever it is but you've got to bring it to the light if it's parents a relationship you got to forgive that scripture says forgive as God also has forgiven you forgive some of you what that means is you need to leave here you realize that you've been a part of the hurts of someone else and you need to go to them if at all appropriate and say will you forgive me when we dated I took advantage of you and I need to ask your forgiveness now if they're married I'd be wise I would I would talk about that in the context of your community it may be a letter it may be an email it may not need it may not be appropriate but some of you you realize that the rolodex is going through your mind and you need to leave here and seek people out and say will you forgive me because I look back and I realize that I hurt you I put weight in your life says therefore as God's chosen people holy and dearly loved clothe yourself this is verse 12 with compassion kindness humility gentleness and patience in that beautiful that Christ gives us new clothes to wear it's amazing he gives us new clothes to wear these clothes look good on everyone they always fit they're suitable for every occasion humility no-one's ever worn humility and looks bad in it humility looks good on everyone gentleness looks good on everyone patience looks good on everyone compassion and kindness these are clothes that look good on everyone bear with each other and forgive one another he writes if any of you has a grievance against someone forgive as the Lord forgave you and over all these virtues put on love the love we talked about last week Adam did a great job speaking of this love last week which binds them all together in perfect unity and if you came in this evening believing lies I want you to cut off the source of those lies you may need to leave here and stop watching romantic comedies stop watching that sitcom that is feeding your heart a bad view of what marriage is I said already change your playmates in your playground cut off the TV and open your Bible friends it's faithfulness in one direction long obedience in the same direction okay you can trust in Christ tonight if you haven't but sanctification is a process and some of you you need discipleship you need to sit down with someone and learn this book and make the ingestion of these scriptures a daily part of your life for them for the rest of your life that this would be a daily part of your existence on this earth is knowing God's will for you and and renewing your mind and your heart around the Holy Scriptures following his spirit over the advice of Cosmo and Maxim and men's health friends you need more than just will and want some of you are like well I want to stop looking at porn I want to forgive that person you need more than just will and want you need a plan for recovery you need to Siple you need to plug into a healthy body of church begin to prioritize the things of Christ and put on new clothes we Monica and I went back to that resort for our ten-year anniversary it was so amazing to sit in that same place 10 years later and reflect on what God has done I told you before even earlier tonight almost got divorced year two and then God just began to heal us in such a way that today we'd have this incredible marriage these three amazing kids we get to talk to people about Mayer's share our struggles and learnings with them she's the the perfect the most amazing wife for me I'll say I love her so much and and it was great to celebrate that and specifically talk about the healing that we encountered through Christ and and on our way back from Mexico and you know celebrating 10 years of marriage we got diverted from Dallas to Houston we got to Houston about midnight we sat on the tarmac for a while we eventually were able to deplane and they had sent at Houston Hobby they had sent customs home and so we got stuck at baggage claim were there at baggage claim and they said we cannot let you into the country because we've sent customs home and we're just sitting there with our baggage and we can't move forward and this after about an hour and a half somebody called a gentleman who was at home with his family sleeping I imagine and he drove back to the airport and he let us in he let us move forward that's what Christ does some of you here tonight you feel like you can't move forward with your baggage you can't stop you can't get out of that trap you can't forgive you don't know what to do he came to give you some new clothes I got to tell you the blood of Christ covers your sins he has a covering for all this stuff how was that doing in their righteous clothes it takes you back he took it on himself guys he came to give you a new life to kill you made you spotless that's what he did he set you free the scripture this in Colossians it has this it starts with this beautiful text I'm just gonna read it to you verses 1 through 4 says since then you have been raised with Christ set your hearts on things above where Christ is seated at the right hand of God set your minds on the things above not on earthly things for you died and your life is now listen your life is now hidden with Christ in God when Christ who is your life appears you then also appear with him in glory and isn't it amazing that God sees not your sin but his payment God sees not your sin but his covering God sees not your baggage but his righteousness God sees not your life but the perfect life of his son and he gives you an inheritance his glory forever and ever and ever and ever and ever in a million years from now you're still with them and nobody's up there living with the regret of that abortion the the addiction the drunkenness the pornography the relationship that you swore coat completely coated there's no way I could live without him suggests you can you're my son you're my daughter I've come to give you a new life to give you life that you might live it to the full so you might live it with me and I'm just crazy enough to think that in the sovereignty and power that he would have you right now here listening to this to remind you that he's crazy about you he's in love with you that he forgives you he's gone to incredible great links to forgive you but you've got to move past yourself and begin to live your life for him every day for him faithfulness long obedience in the same direction discipleship recovery and begin to work on your marriage that may happen even 10 years from now you can work on it now as you work on you and surrender to Christ and his work for you so I'm gonna pray that you would do that we're gonna worship well Christ you've said verse 13 that we've been forgiven you said over and over and over that that's not who we are we're not those things that we've been made perfect in your image would you help us to see ourselves as you see us thank you for forgiveness through the cross thank you for new life new creation that is no longer us who live in the flesh but your spirit that lives in us perfecting us making us new father thank you that we can bring our baggage to the altar that we can check it there and that we can move forward as your sons and your daughters is that how the enemy lies to us and and says that like hey you can't be fun if you're a Christian and you have to die to the excitement of life you have to settle for something bland I met a few people who have partied and engaged in debauchery in the ways that I did and I found treasure world I found treasure today I bear my cross as I wait for the crown but I got to tell you something his burden is light his yoke is easy he did the hard part for me and like this weekend there's going to be a thousand people having a better time than they've ever had at any club with any bottle service or taking shots or doing any any strip club anything because I and I know this not I don't say that naively I know this because they come up to me like man you wouldn't believe my story yes I would you won't surprise me no offense I just hear it every day I found life in Christ he set me free hey some of you need not to leave you define somebody with a shirt with a yellow light bulb on it and you need to go up to them and say I need to talk to you I need to confess my abortion to you I need to confess my addiction to pornography to you I need to confess that this week I had sex with my boyfriend girlfriend I'm have a gambling addiction whatever that is don't leave without telling somebody and that's step one but it's not the end it's not the finish line want you to pursue recovery you can show up here the same room Monday night at 6:30 it's not a room full of weirdos it's a room full of broken people it's the healthiest place in our church and say hey help me with recovery come in with any addiction and they would love to do that if you're looking for a community if you realize you don't have that tonight we have open community group guys you can walk down this hallway and girls you can walk down that hallway and there's a room full of people also looking for community and if you're here in college we do have our college hangout on the second floor and I'll just reiterate if you're a freshman don't be a fool sign up for launch you if we can help you do that if money is the issue talk to us but we want you out there it's going to be amazing and we save spots for you so you need to do that tonight if you're waiting till last minute tonight's last minute so make that happen love you guys we can serve you in any way let us know go in peace to love and serve the Lord you

Channel: The Porch

Views: 32,777

Rating: 4.8983831 out of 5

Keywords: bring, yourself, baggage, my baggage, relationships, relationship help, dating, dating advice, good advice, dating sermon, sins, hurt, lies, liying, Colossians 3, free, first step, the porch, watermark, guilt, shame, repent, jesus, set free, relief, freedom, gospel

Id: 1bUWNwgfWzw

Length: 57min 40sec (3460 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 02 2016