Cupid: Dating Myths - Dating Disappointments #4

all right hey we're wrapping up our our Series Cupid dating myths taking one myth per week and just kind of addressing that from the Scriptures trying to see what God the creator of the heavens the earth what troops he has for us and there's just this reality that I think a lot of us as we think there are expectations or just this idea of love or we look at culture you know it really throws us off and so we don't we're kind of scrambling with resources and you get this book and like let's be honest it doesn't if this whole book and you know it's a bunch of pages you know everything that it has to say about marriage is probably less than that okay and so then you you know we kind of resort to okay well where else can I learn you know Us Weekly or what what you know Cosmo what it where else is there are there truths and I think a lot of times we turn to you know Hollywood or the romantic comedies that are put out there and I just I wish I wish somebody would show an honest movie right say hey this is honest like this is this is real this is what love actually looks like in fact before we go any further let I want you guys to watch this that movie is fantasy and here's why it's fantasy because I don't know if you've seen it I'm gonna ruin the ending so if you care earmuffs but you know that essentially the the lady has Alzheimer's and it ends it ends in this beautiful picture of commitment but you don't get commitment in the way that traveling the path the movie takes you down okay people who travel that path don't end up in commitment they end up somewhere different that's fantasy now I think a lot of us were here tonight and in the reality as I prayed through where the Lord would take us to tonight as we wrap up this series I think a lot of us are hoping in fantasy and I know fantasy say I got two little girls two little girls right and you walk into my house and it looks like Disney threw up in my room like like it exploded in my house okay that everything is Disney Princess that we can't like I walk in you know and and impress lose five she's the daddy Finley's usually the mommy poor baby Weston is always the baby and they're always taking care they're always playing house they're always they're always dressing up like princesses put on the on their little crowns and I mean they are proposed to me 17 times and it's sweet you know daddy will you marry me yes maybe I would buy Merida mom you know they proposed the Weston 17 times as well and so just all of these things in fact we went to the movies on Sunday and and in Finley's like hey daddy can I wear my crown sure you know come on Princess wear your crown so she wears her crown at the movies and after we go to Starbucks and this lady's like oh man you look so beautiful you know dressed up like a princess did you wear did you have go to a ball today I'm like no we went to the movies you know and and so they just that's their world right and so for some of you that that's where it started they started with Disney happily ever after and you've been pursuing that ever since and that's what your crosshairs are on that's what you're looking for that's where your expectations are but the problem is the problem is your greatest disappointments come from your expectations and that's why so many people as they consider dating and marriage and relationships it is riddled with disappointment discouragement and despair and I think everybody's looking for something to hope in but too many of us are hoping in fantasy and so today the myth is just this idea that marriage is for happiness it's a really popular idea that that you marry to be happy that marriage is for happiness Monica and I know this firsthand because my wife and I we pursued fantasy like we wanted the happily ever after story and I even think like for some of us so much of our relationship we actually enjoyed living in the soap opera so I remember the day that she walked in I was at this party in college you know in this tiny little apartment somehow you have big parties and tiny little apartments in college and she walked in wearing this leopard dress and I looked up and I was just like oh my goodness who is that and and I was in a committed relationship and she was in a committed relationship but that didn't stop us and we started pursuing each other and somehow you know somehow we ended up in this relationship where we kept pursuing each other and it looked like and I'm gonna give you a glimpse into it it looked like manic I Sandman it close it looked like I love you I adore you we're star-crossed lovers blah and then I hate you I never want to see you again get out of my face I can't live without you walk home you know these are the things that's in here yeah that's I mean that those are everything I just said are things I had said then dozens and dozens and dozens of times and then this incredible thing happened where where we became followers of Jesus in the midst of all of that turmoil we found someone else to love besides each other in fact I remember as we went through premarital counseling sitting with this little pastor very skeptical and he looked at me and he just said hey I want you guys to stop pursuing each other and start pursuing God together and I just thought you are so stupid like what does that even mean like okay we're gonna start pursuing each other we're getting married dude and as I look back on the work that God has done in our relationship today and that's exactly what happened when it turned around we had stopped pursuing each other and we started pursuing him together and things started straightening out not before we got married okay year one honeymoon year two disaster disaster and so some of us you know we never grow out of this pursuit of happily ever after this pursuit of someone to love you know and I told you the Bible didn't have a lot to say about it board it does have to say he says marriage is hard it gives instructions because it's difficult and then it says it's actually about something beyond each other it says that marriage is actually this metaphor for us learning more about God as we look on what Mayor's looks like that's really what the Bible has to say about marriage in in a nutshell and so I just want let me recap where we've been in Cupid series the first thing week one we talked about resetting our sights we talked about the criteria setting our sights on godly character and I just said this idea hey you don't need a trophy wife or a husband you need someone to go to war with okay marriage is hard de cycling your children that's difficult life's gonna throw all these curve balls at you you don't know what's coming you don't want a trophy wife or husband you want someone you can go to war with week two we talked about that how we resetting our strategy I just said hey don't follow your heart inform your heart we looked at proverbs 4:23 so they tell your heart where to go and what to look for don't do this baggage swap where you meet with someone you say hey you take some of my baggage I'll take some of your baggage but actually did leave someone better than you find them as you date them as you spend time with them if you do break up if it doesn't you know Indian marriage then then make them better for someone else right hopefully the time that y'all spend together you grow more godly together that's what it looks like has to Christians would spend time together and then week three we talked about resetting our commitment this is this idea that sex is a powerful gift but outside of the context of marriage its destructive that that you can have sex outside of marriage but then all of a sudden you can't have that kind of sex inside of marriage and I see that over and over and over and we talked about how this crazy idea that the world says is insane we talked about how purity is possible and that there's people doing it that if that's you that you're not a weirdo that is it's God ordained it's absolutely possible tonight I want to talk about resetting our expectations how you and I how we respond or should respond when our expectations aren't met and so we're gonna talk about dealing with disappointments and dating dealing with despair and dating and dealing with divorce and before I hope before you leave I hope I can give you a glimpse of what it looks like to doing it right and I hope just stay in stay in there with me till the end okay I think there'll be temptation if you hear something that rubs they're only gonna walk out and I hope you I hope you hang in there with me and so that we can really see you know what God has to say in this let me start in first Corinthians 13 it's the chapter in your Bible on love okay and so in verse 4 it just says this love is patient love is kind it does not envy it does not boast it is not proud it is not real it is not self-seeking it is not easily angered it keeps no record of wrongs love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth it always protects always trusts always hopes always perseveres and it's a really high bar as I'm supposed to do that keep no records of wrongs always persevere always trust how am I supposed to always trust and then he says this when I was a child verse 11 when I was a child I talked like a child I thought like a child I reasoned like a child but when I became a man I put childish ways behind me when I grew up I stopped with the childish fantasies I put Disney away and I started pursuing something else to inform what it would mean to love greater love has no one than this that he would die for us that Christ would die for us last night my little girl my my 4 year old love her she says the craziest things she's so funny and I'm tucking her to bed and we were reading a story and and she just out of nowhere she the way that we handled the Santa Claus thing is we just told them hey there's a secret about Santa cuz we want them to trust us you know we don't ever want to lie we want them to be able to you know have fun and so just as we celebrate Santa and you know do it big and leaving milk and cookies I just always tell my hey remember there's a secret about Santa one day you're gonna know and I'm telling you right now there's a secret about Santa last night I'm reading her the Bible story and out of nowhere she goes daddy what's the secret about Santa and I'm like and I'm like baby girl I I can't tell you and I took her and I go I go I go in the living room and I'm writing and and I just hear her wailing in there you know like just I'm talking cry like just like crying hysterically in there and and you know and I'm listening you were my feelings inside go and then my Finley bear was what's wrong you won't tell me the secret about Santa my baby girl listen there's a seat I'm telling you there to see I want you to find out and she's like well I just wanna know and she's so disappointed that I won't tell her this this thing just you know this little joke somebody's crying back sorry here's the deal it's funny when you're three or four she's four it's funny when you're four you know you shed and she can't and hasn't learned how to dealt with disappointment but some of us man we're 24 maybe 34 he doesn't love me it's not so funny there you know it's less funny and the scripture says hey when are we gonna when are we gonna stop fantasizing about this thing that there's gonna be this Prince Charming that's gonna swoop in we're gonna leave I know we want to I know you want to believe that that hope is real but I'll tell you that men and women are miserable saviors miserable saviors and so let's just talk about dealing with disappointment what does it look like when when our expectations aren't met dealing with disappointment proverbs 16:9 says this that in his heart a man plans his course in his heart a man says I want that in his heart a man or a woman says I want the picket white picket fence and the suburban home and the German Shepherd and the two kids one boy one girl but the Lord determines his in her steps and so you may not be where you had hoped but you must trust that God is at work that tonight you may have came in here and maybe you thought by now man I thought surely by the time I'm 32 I would be married by the time on thirty nine I thought surely that I would be married and so you had these expectations and just as I said earlier your greatest disappointments come from your expectations and if you're not careful those will turn into despair those will turn into depression those will turn into dark and so the question that I have for you tonight right now just says we look at proverbs 69 is do you trust that God is good and that God is in control and you've got to answer that do you trust that God is good and God is in control but as I thought about that I want you to know because I don't want to give you a bad dating advice I want you to know there's two kinds of trust in God okay there's a passive trusting this is what that looks like it's like when you look around and your circumstances aren't met or you are in a situation of unwatched ins unwanted circumstances okay you trust that God is in control of that you stop where you are you acknowledge hey God you are God I am NOT God and you are in control you have numbered my days ahead of time and you are on your throne and all power and honor and glory is yours I trust you okay and then there's an active trusting this is proverbs 3:5 and 6 it says trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge him in the Hebrew there is not like a acknowledge it's like the trajectory of your life acknowledges that there is a God in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight he will set your paths straight this act of trusting is hey God I want to know what you have said is good and I want to pursue it God I want to test the desires of my heart with what you would the instruction that you have given me and then I want to pursue them if they are good and consistent with you so so don't say because some of you guys are like well the reason that I'm not married is because I'm waiting for God to bring me a wife and I'm just telling you like while you're playing World of Warcraft or whatever like she's not gonna fall through the ceiling onto your lap and a pastor pop up or or come down the chimney and say here we are let's do this deal like that's not gonna happen there is a part of this deal you have to actively pursue her and the scripture says he who finds a wife finds a good thing so should you want a wife you should look for a wife ladies amen okay okay and so I think some of us thought that not just that we'd be married by now but that we'd be married to a particular person by now like maybe you hoped that he would have bought that ring by now or maybe you're looking back and wondering what he's doing right now or where he's at or what city he's in right now and so some of us or when I'm going to meet him right now where is he God have you forgotten me have you forsaken me the scripture says no I think some of us were chasing the one you know the one you guys remember the one we always talked about that every year got talked about the one the one is out there on a unicorn in Fantasia somewhere you know then let me hit you with this and this is gonna blow some of your minds okay there is no one there's one's like there's there's people that you can choose from but there's no one and I'll tell you to kind of help you out the pool from which you can date from it's a relatively small pool okay it's a relative it's it's those you know you look at the world it's full of people who do not follow Jesus and so it's like you know a lot of the world is like hey what none of them and then you look what's left and it's like okay these are the people who are passionately with their lives seeking Christ and so these are the folks that I can choose from you know not not just someone like check-the-box like I had this experience from six but like today I am currently running after Jesus that you would be that person and that you would look for that person and so let me hit on this one thing for a second no as I always do people are like what do you mean there's not a one somebody's always mind-blowing on that and so I just asked like this and was I with the one for Monica and before you shut it transom did the answer is yes and here's why because we went down the aisle together and and we sat in front of that pastor when we made a covenant before God together do you know the difference between a covenant in a commitment commitment is the if-then statement a commitment is if you do this then I will a commitment it's an if-then it's a hey if you meet your terms that I'm going to meet my terms and if if you don't meet your terms that I don't do these I can take this action a covenant is I will regardless of what you do a covenant is you standing before God saying hey I will do this regard for better or worse sickness in health till death do us part regardless she loses her mind I'll be there right so now let me ask you this is there someone better for Monica and the answer is a resounding yes lots of them you get that mind blown stay with me okay there are guys out there that love more me more compatible for her there's guys out there you know she's five three I'm six seven there's shorter guys there's guys that don't like guns and motorcycles like I do you know she doesn't love guns and motorcycles that there are guys out there certainly there's hundreds maybe hundreds of thousands of guys that would be better suited for Monica than me maybe hundreds of thousands of girls that would be better suited for me than Monica but we found each other and we committed to each other crazy huh it's crazy and we commit so we're doing this thing together right we're running together there's no one there's there's these ones that got us says hey choose from these people even as Abraham sent Eliezer to find a son I mean to find a wife for her son he said hey go to these select people and choose someone for him all right and so you're not waiting to be swept away in some fantasy you're growing more godly these these are not these days that we waste you're not lesser of a person because you're a single person in fact you're the engine of the church as a single person single people are the most well resourced have the most time you are the engine of the church that's why God that's why Jesus used a bunch of young adults to change the world that's why he did I believe wholeheartedly you looked read the Scriptures look at the disciples between the ages of 18 and 32 Jesus says hey give me some young adults I changed the world because they were ready and willing it's game time you're in your prime we've said that before and so what do you need what do you need to meet the one it's pretty simple man you need to meet be in the same location geographically thank you you know you have to see each other you you need to be in the same location spiritually right you need to be in the same location spiritually the scripture says equally yo 2nd Corinthians 6:14 same same location spiritually you need to be traveling the same direction right hey we're both running towards God the trajectory of our life is that we believe that there's a God and we're gonna die and we're gonna go be with him and so we use this life for that and then lastly you know compatibility your oh man I don't you know chemistry I would say you need to be able to ride in the same car together and and more and before you scoff at that let me say this there's gonna be days where you don't want to so before you think that's crazy there's gonna be days where you're like I would rather ride in the car with any other single breathing person than you and so write that down say JP said this I think he's a liar so that you can come back and say well man I repent so you are becoming something god is that work in you right he's at work in you and so I pray that the trajectory of your life would be you pursuing Jesus the reality of it is is and sinner as I've been hearing this lately like people are like man I've been I've been using doing what you said it didn't work what does work like you mean you didn't get married in two weeks Oh what does that mean it didn't work well you know she said no that doesn't mean it didn't work don't you understand like this is a refining moment this is God working it's okay like an O doesn't mean it didn't work a breakup doesn't mean it didn't work see the process is not about you getting married but you growing godly and you can grow godly through a breakup you can grow godly through a no you do that by navigating those waters with honesty you're by asking questions hey help me understand hey how could I have loved or cared for you better in this and you grow more godly and whatever you're doing if you're if you're doing it his way it will work people say why I'm gonna give Christian dating a shot what does that mean Christian dating if you're Christian and you're dating you're Christian dating right right I mean I'm just confused by that there's like Christians would be like I'm gonna give secular dating a shot what is it no give pursuing Christ a shot don't give it a shot give it your life and then what comes out of that will be out of the over flow of those things see I think that I think that God is using our challenges and our disappointments to grow us into his man or woman I've been doing this thing this vocational ministry thing for for six years now and I've met with hundreds and hundreds of hurting married folks and I've realized there are I'm never I'll just say I personally I've never met someone with marital problems every person I've met had single people problems they brought into marriage you track with that like their marriage problems were problems before they were married and they brought them into marriage and then they didn't know how to work that out with someone else and I think as we work through that conflict as we grow through that God is working in our hearts he says this and James consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance and perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete not lacking anything so your faith is being tested in dating your faith is getting tested in dating I get asked all the time is like well what does it look like if I'm a guy I know the Scriptures say that I'm supposed to leave what does it look like to lead as a guy in a relationship simple my answer that is simple you lead in purity see here's the reality if he can help if he can guard himself against his greatest urge right he's probably gonna do all right at keeping the lights on you know paying the bills and keeping the kids fed like if he can protect himself if he can be self-controlled or controlled by their spirit enough to lead you towards purity he's probably going to be an alright provider and he's probably going to be faithful to you but likewise if he can't his faithful his faithfulness to use it's a guess it's a shot in the dark we'll see it's a gamble it's a gamble and so if you haven't found that guy if you haven't found that girl don't be discouraged we talked about how discouragement can lead to despair and so the second thing I want to cover is just this idea of dealing with despair dealing with despair see maybe the person you thought you'd end up with broke your heart and breakups are hard it's an understatement breakups are difficult and so let's just talk through that for a second if you're in a breakup you're going through a breakup would you just would you do this for me would you just be honest okay don't don't drag God into your breakup don't drag God into your excuse why I just feel the Lord is you know I just think God is just telling me just a hey I'm not feeling this anymore that's the truth I don't need to over spiritualize this and maybe we didn't do a great job of guarding our hearts in that I know that's ambiguous and people tend to hate it this idea of guarding our hearts and so you may hurt and I may hurt and the reality of it is is we need to go our separate ways I don't know what the truth is right it may be like I don't like your hair but whatever the truth is I'm just saying hey just use the truth you don't have to over spiritualize it you don't have to say something that it's not you don't have to be scared the Lord gave you a spirit of power and love and self-discipline not a spirit of timidity the scripture says you can sit there and respectfully look somebody in the eyes and says hey let me just be honest with you I'm a Christian and that's what we do we're honest I don't need over spiritualize it I don't need to make it God's fault that's like when I spanked my girls I'm like well God said I have to you know yeah that's not gonna increase their view of God hey I know you're really really hurt right now but it's God's fault okay like I know I know you want to blame me for this but the reality of is God's fault no it's not it's not God's fault okay and so let me say this if your brother or sister has sinned against you in that relationship you go and you tell them honestly you say hey you've sinned against me you have hurt me I think you've done something that is is contradicts the Scriptures but if you're hurt because of their actions like you're hurt is just the product of their feelings drifting like if you're hurt is the product of their feelings but they haven't sinned against you then then it's okay you need to know this it is okay to be hurt okay but the reality of it is this hurt people hurt people and it's not okay to hurt people okay so you take a deep breath you know take a deep breath call your girlfriends call your guy friends respectively and say hey here's where I'm at I'm hurting and I want to hurt someone I want to call him right now just shot it tequila at 2:00 a.m. you know or whatever they had his right but I'm not gonna do that that's not who I am so maybe you're realizing that right now the despair in your life as we go through this series that you've done some terrible things maybe that guy who had your heart convinced you to do things with him that you swore you never do and maybe you didn't need convincing like maybe you're numb to sex right maybe you're just kind of at this place where hey honestly like if a guy will give me attention like I'll sleep with them it's no big deal that's just kind of where I'm at if a girl will show me some affection whatever I'm down for whatever maybe that's where you're at maybe you came in tonight with addictions that you've never even called addictions and you it's all the sudden you lift your head up and you realize there's porn things been going on since the fifth grade it's been over a decade over - I think I got a problem and I've just been thinking that it's gonna fix itself maybe you've been raped maybe you've gone through sexual abuse and I'm not making light of that I hate that for you I hate that for you maybe you have made the choice to have an abortion and I want you to know that God is good and he loves you and he's crazy about you and now I've got a question for you what's your story gonna be what's your story gonna be what story are you gonna write are you gonna be that girl that swears she's never gonna tell anyone about that abortion and she's gonna take it to her grave are you gonna be that girl that says hey I had an abortion and I I want to help others who have had abortions come from the bondage that I felt from that decision are you gonna be the girl that says yeah you know what I'm addicted to pornography and I'm a girl and girls don't talk about that but I want to fight the porn industry now I want to take my life and my story and my struggle and I want to set other people free from it are you gonna be the guy that that has a sexual abuse occurred to you and so now you walk away at walk around as a victim carrying that burden on your shoulders are you gonna be that guy that says yeah you know my uncle did that thing to me but I want to help you and you and you and you would you guys come and follow me can we sit and we talk about what's your story gonna be are you gonna be that person and you look backwards and you really it's hundreds of partners or dozens of partners or or five partners and you know that's not that's not who I am though I'm not that guy I'm not that girl I've been made new in Christ and so I'm gonna use my story to minister to others cuz second Corinthians 5:17 says that therefore if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation the old has gone and the new has come and so you my friends are not defined by your past you're defined by Christ's past and he's redefining your future you're not defined by your past you're defined by Jesus's past and he's changing your future and it's time that you found hope in that because I think you're so called Christians were walking around defeated and that was never his intentions the second Corinthians 7 verse 10 says that there's this godly sorrow this God despair that brings dependent the repentance that leads to salvation freedom and leaves no regret but worldly sorrow shame guilt brings death see I think often our disappointments and our despair brings us to things that we never thought would be we never hope to be we never even fantasized about and so one of those things is divorce and before we wrap up this series we just want to by that I know that's a lot of your stories here tonight and here's the crazy truth I'm just gonna hit you with this it hurts my heart to even say this for about over half of you it will be your story for over half of the faces I'm looking at right now it's gonna be your story I know all of your like not me like there you've seen the Disney movie where they the Prince comes in and rescues her and they fall in love and then they get a divorce no you hadn't seen that one right that's not the one Disney makes and I know it wasn't the thing you fantasized about when you were growing up or we're little girl or little guy so let's just talk about dealing with divorce first of all for those who haven't been married let me say to you divorce is not an option okay and so that for you those of you that that have gone through that maybe you didn't know maybe you hadn't read the scriptures grace of bounds' God forgives your new creations but for those of you who haven't been married right we're gonna skew that statistic because my prayer for all of us is that we would get married and none of us would get a divorce we know what Malachi 2:16 God says that he hates divorce but God does not hate the divorced you need to know that he hates divorce he hates the sin he doesn't hate the sinner he loves the sinner and so divorce is not an option I want you to know for me it was divorce was absolutely an option in fact I was so immature am I thinking like I was just kind of looking at this girl she was my best friend's sister and I loved her family and I was like man I don't know like I might as well get married you know it'll be great it's gonna be awesome like I had all of these expectations me sex every night we have one big giant sexcapade everybody knows that's what marriage is you know I'm gonna learn Victoria's Secret you know and and then we get there and that it didn't really happen like that it's not really what played out and I just thought hey if this didn't what happened if that's not how it goes then then we'll just jump out no big deal you know what just jump out no big deal get out of this thing everybody's doing it 52% of people so we'll just get out and so about two years into marriage like where I'm at I'm so immature and this and that long ago you know I'm embarrassed to tell you and so I'm throwing around the D word I don't know how to love a girl like I you know I had dated like a lot of you date which is serial dating I jumped in a relationship and when it went wrong I jumped out and I jumped in another relationship and it went wrong I jumped out now is that training for marriage or is that training for divorce so this is why dating is important see I had trained for divorce I had trained myself I had conditioned myself for divorce and so here we were in marriage and I'm like managed you know you weren't act crazy I'll just jump out it was really me acting crazy and it wasn't until I realized like I started reading this and I realized that out wasn't an option and I'm like man if I'm gonna be with this woman for the rest of my life I better start loving her and like how do I love her as Christ loved the church but Christ but Christ died for the church gave himself for her it's Ephesians 5:25 but I better start giving my life for this woman and when I started doing that everything changed in our marriage she became this incredible woman of God this amazing one she really already was I just couldn't see it because I was so wicked I was so messed up in my head my expectations were so whack and I was so angry but when I realized that divorce wasn't an option marriage finally was marriage finally was an option and so I think the best training for marriage and I want you to hear me on this because this is important people never believe me on this and I promise you it's true you're gonna find out I think the best training for marriage is dealing with conflict well that's the very best way for you to train for your marriage is to have a roommate a really dysfunctional roommate like one that leaves the dishes out and doesn't pay rent on time like that is excellent training for marriage you know you know Monica is like babe if you paid this billing I haven't you know I'm that dysfunctional roommate Monica has that dysfunctional her maid leaves the dishes in the in the think that's great training for marriage for you to go to your community group and when you really hate the person that you're sitting across the circle with you're diligent the scripture says in preserving the unity of the Spirit and the bond of peace you take that conflict head-on you remove the log in your eye you say what have I done what is my part in this conflict I am I am I'm committed to resolving it with you because we are both brothers and sisters in Christ and so we must bring down these walls we will wrestle with this until there is forgiveness between brothers and sisters in Christ that is incredible training for marriage so if you've been divorced I want you to know that he's crazy about you he loves you I want you to know that there's grace there I'm the product of divorce both my parents had been married before got divorced remarried had me still married now the first wedding I ever did here at watermark I had never even in my life considered divorce and remarriage because there's two options here and I want you to hear this there's divorce like so can we get a divorce and then there's can we get remarried and they're not no-brainers like it is possible that you can get a divorce okay it's possible and you don't remarry and you stay single like that you got to wrestle with the scriptures that are there so that you can find the life that God has ordained for you say god here's where I'm at is this an allotment for me because of the broken world that live in is this possible and so the first wedding I did was this girl and we're wrestling and I'm walking through the details of her her first marriage and it was so crazy about the stories actually saw them this weekend at this at a marriage conference I was speaking at right here and and it was just incredible thing because I remember this like it was yesterday I went to her fiance and I said I think she needs to pursue reconciliation to her ex-husband and he said what could you imagine like this he loves this woman he's like what he goes home he reads the scriptures and he says she absolutely does he says I'm gonna call with her and he calls her ex-husband with her it's crazy i sat there the ex-husband on on on speakerphone and he had remarried we didn't know that and so now he can walk knowing that he was faithful that she was faithful as they stewarded that in their lives how great is that let me show you what the scripture says and I don't again if this is your story I don't say this to to judge or to you know take blame I say this because I'm committed to teaching the Bible and this is what it says Jesus Shepherd chapter 19 of Matthew verse 3 some Pharisees came to him and said they asked is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason Jesus responds haven't you read he replied that at the beginning the creator made them male so they're asking this question is it lawful to get a divorce Jesus says haven't you read he replied that at the beginning the creator made them male and female and said for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh so then that they are no longer two but one therefore what God has joined together let man not separate and so in one word what does Jesus's answer know Jesus takes the long road to answer the question hole it's not lawful what God has joined together let man not separate and so if you're here and that's a part of your story I know you feel justified in your divorce frankly because I've never met the person who's like man I got a divorce and it was wrong I mean I have seen people who actually remarry each other but very rarely do I talk to that person's have had know that it was wrong and so you may need to seriously prayerfully consider reconciliation and you may hate me for that I'm well aware that I'm hated for that often but it's for this reason as I searched the Scriptures that my personal conviction is that that I won't remarry someone if reconciliation is an option if their ex is alive or not remarried and you know that people here that they actually even there like that place is crazy did you know that that's where they stand the Jaypee is crazy before you go there because you're doing the reading okay cuz I've been reading and just just check out what the scripture says so that you can make an informed decision because the God the creator of the heavens the earth he loves you he's crazy about you and he has some desires for you okay he doesn't want to rip you off he wants to give you life abundantly the most amazing life that you could have ever imagined and so you may say hey of course I was justified in my divorce but let's be honest you have no idea what God is going to do because my god he changes people and people are like well she was crazy I'm like you marry crazy that you chose crazy right like you stood there before God and said hey I want to covenant with crazy here right and you didn't if then it wasn't if she's not crazy then I it was hey if she goes crazy I'm gonna stay with her that's why the notebook it actually has some redeeming elements she went crazy and he brought it back to the notebook I did and he stayed with her God is at work let's just let's just end here we'll talk about some disappointments from the Scriptures there's some real disappointments in the scriptures okay there's some real despairs in the scriptures let's go disappointment Abraham okay so God talks about so Abraham's gods man manaphy and he's promised that he's gonna have a kid the problem with that is he's 75 years old this is Genesis 16 and so the reality of it is is after you know a decade goes by sometime goes by the Abraham is like hey God can I trust you I don't think I can trust you anymore he stops trusting God he takes matters in his own hands and he has an affair with his servant but but God makes good on his promise you think that that when God said hey you're going to have a child and a lot of time goes by and he doesn't have one that he's not dealing with disappointment he absolutely was we could talk about Isaac his son for a minute right he meets Rebecca who seemed to be an amazing woman because she's at a place where servants hang out and she's serving people and so here's kind of meeting your spouse 101 go to a place where servants hang out and find someone serving people right that's what we learned from the story of Isaac and Rebecca that's where she is and so she's taking care of some folks they get married and everything seems to be good except for heat Coast has to go to this Philistine King Abimelech and he lies and says that she's his sister in the scripture implies that that some of the Philistine army is about to sleep with this woman because he lied dealing with some disappointment Isaac and Rebekah were and then there's Jacob this is a crazy story the Bible has some crazy stories of despair and discouragement Jacob right sees this woman falls in love with her Rachel goes to her dad says hey I'll work seven years for her he doesn't hate ladies marry a guy that will work seven years for you okay moral to the story worked seven years for her okay the the the wedding comes the wedding night and in the dad tricks him and he actually marries and sleeps with the older much less attractive sister that's crazy he slept with the wrong girl all wakes up the next day like what who are you you know was that drunk last night what happened he probably was it's in your Bible and so here's the deal here's the deal I went to hit you with this Lia's lot in life was to be married to a man who actually was in love with her sister that was her love life man talk about disappointment that actually feels more like despair to me that she would marry like her lot in life was to marry a man who actually wanted to be married to her sister so let's talk about Tamar for a second okay this is a real character the tame art marries Judas son Judas son sins and dies because of his sin marries judah's other son who sins and dies because of his sin so now she's a widow twice two times over Judah promises her his youngest son and then he doesn't make good on that promise so she despairs okay she's been abused and so she dresses up like a prostitute sleep with her father-in-law and gets pregnant crazy despair Ruth before we go to Ruth will talk about Rahab married Salomon Rahab was a prostitute you probably heard of her she hid some spies she had sex with men to honor foreign gods that was her job she got paid for sex okay despair Ruth her husband dies she loses her husband she essentially is goes with her mother-in-law she's begging for food right she meets Rahab the prostitute son bow ass she marries Boaz after her bold move Jedi they know game that Ruth had and so her and Boaz are now married right and so that's kind of her lot in life and then lastly talk about David the man after God's own heart he had seven wives he has an affair with Bathsheba which I'm a divorce like he doesn't say hey Bathsheba go get a divorce he just kills her husband crazy talk about despair these are crazy stories I'll show you something see none of these folks I'll be like what - JP where you going with this man lay in this plane you got to go got to go home here we go none of these guys fantasized that that would be their story Lia's didn't as a little girl like dream of Disney and Billy man I hope I married this guy who actually loves my sister and married me by accident right that's not what she dreamt of that's what happened but gods bigger than that because you know that all those people I just told you about you know they're all they're all kind of spread out throughout the Old Testament and then they all show up in the same place in the New Testament all in the same place on the same page in your Bible can I read it to you before we end let me just read it to you Matthew 1 a record of the genealogy of Jesus Christ the Son of David the son of Abraham Abraham was the father of Isaac Isaac the father of Jacob Jacob the father of Judah and his brothers Judah the father of Perez and zerah whose mother was Tamar Perez the father of hezron hezron the father of RAM in verse 5 Salman the father of Boaz whose mother was Rahab the prostitute Boaz the father of Obed whose mother was Ruth Obed the father of Jesse and Jesse the father of King David David was the father of Solomon whose mother had been Uriah's wife Bathsheba and Jacob the father of Joseph verse 16 now the husband of Mary of whom was born Jesus who is called the Christ don't hope in fantasy you hope in Jesus your life it's not about you your singleness is not about you your marriage is not about you your dating is not about you marriage is not for happiness marriage is for holiness it is God conforming you to the image and character of Christ singleness is not for happiness it's for holiness you're here for that long then you die and then you're with God forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and that's the truth and that's as simple as I can give it to you and so my wife Monica she is a great girl an amazing woman an incredible wife she is a miserable Savior and I'm a worst one don't you see what God did there God took Rahab the prostitute and made her a princess God took ruth the widow and made her a princess he took these whacked-out guys and made them kings heirs to the kingdom that's what God did he put the King of Kings the Lord of lords in their lineage so Presley and Finley's the reality of it is is they're not pursuing some fantasy Presley and Finley are princesses not because of the Prince Charming that's going to come but because of the one who's come because of the rescuer the one who came two thousand and thirteen years ago a baby born in a manger the descend --less life for about thirty three years and said Presley and Finley and Kelly and Jennifer and Sarah and Kim and Ashley and Michael and Scott and Kenny and David and John I'm here to rescue you all that junk you've done that thing you did with that guy you swore you never do that thing you looked at that abortion that thing you did by yourself like I'm here and I'm dying for it and your your little life your little sixty years your little 50 years 80 years it's about me you pursue me okay you pursue me and I'll take care of that other stuff you trust in the Lord with all your heart and you don't lean on your own understanding but in everything you acknowledge and I'll say you're pastoring I got you dad says he's got you he's good and you can trust him she's good and you can trust him you don't have to want to play house okay you can play servant of the Most High God all right you hope in him hope in Christ let me pray God you were holy and mighty and good father you save us in spite of us father you change us kicking and screaming lord I pray that you would take those of us who are wrestling with your word and we're looking how could God want that for me and I pray that you would renew it and our spirit anything that I said father tonight that was not of you I pray that it would be forgotten before they leave here as I pray often but anything that I said that is consistent with your spirit and consistent with the truth of your scriptures father I pray that you would stir it in our hearts and our minds so that we can't forget it we can't shake it or thank you for the work that you do it's in Christ's name Amen you

Channel: The Porch

Views: 15,824

Rating: 4.8058252 out of 5

Keywords: dating series, watermark, watermark community church, despair, divorce, help, advice, jonathan pokluda, theporch, porch dallas

Id: a8LdAaaY-BE

Length: 52min 33sec (3153 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 03 2013