Who Will I Marry? | Jonathan "JP" Pokluda

[Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] what's up porch family hey welcome friends in the room friends in fort worth el paso phoenix arizona boise idaho northwest arkansas philadelphia and all the porch live locations everybody joining us online we are continuing this series fortune telling we haven't met my name is david i have the privilege of serving and being a part of uh leading on the team that is here and i could not be more excited for what god is about to do tonight there's a good friend of mine that uh has been a integral part of how god has started a movement of young adults in this city who is joining us tonight that i'm about to introduce but in terms of communicators in terms of pastors in terms of followers of jesus i cannot and i mean those words very seriously think of a single person i could be more excited to step up open god's word and teach us here tonight jonathan pacluda from harris creek who if you haven't uh if you're unaware of the three of you who don't jp has been a part of the porch for you know a decade and got to serve with one of the closest friends in the world one of the best teachers of god's word when they write the history book of the church in north america in a hundred years from now it would surprise me if they don't mention his name and the impact that he's had on young adults it would be embarrassing for me to attempt to communicate how much and how many eternities have been impacted and changed and transformed so with that being said will you guys please welcome to the stage jonathan pacluda he said that just like i wrote it down so i'm thankful man just a tremendous encourager to me it's it's uh people ask me was it was it hard to leave the porch it was hard to leave the people it wasn't difficult to hand it over to excellent leadership and so i'm so excited to be with you guys tonight i know we prayed honestly everyone should go home after davey's prayer i was like wow uh she said propitiation man i'm like let's amen father would you open our hearts and if there's a word that you have for us tonight as we open these ancient truths would you help us to walk to our car in just a moment different and i i know that we're on the front lines this evening because we're talking about something that satan has come after with full force and so would you protect our minds would you protect our hearts would you remove distractions if we're in the loft if we're in another room right now would you remove distractions give us laser focus help us to hear what we're supposed to hear help me not get in the way if i say something they're not supposed to hear supernaturally erase it and if i say something consistent with you and your word would you allow it to ring true in jesus name amen my buddy texts me and says hey do you want to go to the mall and uh i i'm a shopper okay like i know some guys are like ooh them all gross i'm not that kind of guy like i'm like i love them all and i'm an enneagram seven so like if you text me say do you want to go like really like do you want to go get a spinal tap yeah anywhere like if i can get out of the house like i'm in so i'm like yeah of course i want to go to the mall and so he honestly he's not the kind of guy to say that too like he's not the shopper like i'm the shopper but he's like hey do you want to go i'm like yes i want to go to the mall and so he's like all right i'm picking you up on on the way to pick you up and so he does he picks me up and and we're driving to the mall and i ask him his name is marshall right and i say hey what what are you going to the mall for like this is not like you just randomly in the afternoon to go to the mall what are you going for and he says i need a new raincoat i'm like oh yeah raincoat because you know there's been some precipitation lately so you know you you want to you know get a raincoat like i get it like his other one he's like i got a tear in it so i'm like cool man i'm your wingman like i got you like i know the mall i used to work there you know i'm going to hook you we're going to go and i'll help you i'm like what what are you looking for in a raincoat and this is what he says he says i'm looking for a north face venture to color th in black size medium with a cinched hood and a gore-tex lining to keep the water out i was like oh you're looking for those that rainco okay all right uh yeah um okay um and so it's really interesting the way that we shot the experience that that ensued there because like we go into the mall but we just go to the stores that sell raincoats and when he walks into the store you know the guy's up there up front he's like hey sir can i help you you know we have some pants on he's like no no raincoat and he goes straight to the rounder that sells raincoats and then he goes straight to the section that has north face then he goes straight to the black ones and he starts looking at the label for venture too like just laser focus like that's not how i shop like how i shop like i go in the mall and i'm like spirit lead me where you know i'm like i'm like where like what what is it like i'm open to being sold you know i got a little money in my pocket like like guy comes up it's like hey you know you look for anything particular i'm like no i'm not looking for anything particularly he's like well we got you know we got these two for one i'm like show me show them the t i i want the cell like like where's the deal you know and and you you find yourself when you don't know when you're not looking for something you have to look at everything right and so i'm looking at everything and you you kind of wander into zoomies like oh man maybe i need a long board you know because i've only got three and and then somebody's like hey you need some shoes i'm like yes i do need some shoe i only have 37 pair yes you know and and and then you find yourself in in brook stone and you're like looking at some head massager hypothetically speaking you know and it like makes your hair grow and all of a sudden i'm like maybe i need this like maybe i don't have enough hair and you you just if if you don't know what you're looking for you can't find it and most of us date the way that i shop like i've spent a lot of time with single people we we go throughout the world we're trying to find the one and and if you were honest like if i was to survey you guys i said what are you looking for now how are you going to know and you're going to say dumb things to me like well you just know when you know anybody ever told you that you just know when you know you just know when you no i'm i'm and you would say this you say well i'm looking for someone who makes me feel and you fill in the blank someone who makes me feel beautiful someone who makes me feel good someone who makes me feel great someone who makes me feel bad you're looking for someone who makes me feel but here's the public service announcement up front feelings come and go whoever you marry you're going to be laying in bed to them by beside them one day and you're going to wake up and you're like i don't feel anything and what your pagan friends are going to say you're like i've i've fallen out of love i married the wrong person and i'm not saying that it's going to stay that way i don't know i'm just telling you feelings come and go and if you don't know what you're looking for you won't find it so we're in the series fortune telling where we're looking at what the scripture says about our future how it informs it and what i want to talk about this evening for the few minutes that i have you is who you should marry magic 8-ball who am i going to marry god who who should i marry and i'm going to give you a verse from the scripture i'm going to be in first timothy chapter 4 if you want to turn there i'm going to give you an amazing list from the scripture of who you should marry and who should i marry is really who to look for it's really who to date but it's honestly guys listen it's who to be because i'm sure you've heard here before if you've been here long you want to to become someone that someone you're looking for is looking for you want to be someone that someone you're looking for is looking for so this message tonight regardless of where you're at whether you're seriously dating single never been asked out you desire marriage maybe you're called to singleness if it's not who should i marry then it's who should i be i should become this person because this is what the scripture informs us and let me just start with an apology up front the church big c church has missed it and i'm sorry as a pastor and a leader of a local church i want to ask your forgiveness because the church has made this tremendous mistake in the 21st century of elevating marriage above singleness and that's an unbiblical anti-biblical idea that's not what the bible teaches the bible teaches that singleness is a gift and you're like i roll moment does it have a receipt can i return it can i exchange it what kind of gift is it right no but it's a gift that's what the scripture says and so i promise you what's true about it it is a gift that's what paul says in first corinthians chapter seven verse seven and paul the apostle who was single who wrote eighty percent of the new testament is plagiarizing the words of jesus in matthew 19 when jesus says there are some who are celibate for the sake of the kingdom not everyone can accept it but those who can should so jesus who was also single and 33 years old elevates the calling of singleness on par with marriage and so if you're single it's okay you're not second class you're not junior varsity you're not jv you have this tremendous calling on your life like jesus and we don't know if it's for a day or for a year or for 20 years or a lifetime we don't know none of us can see the future but if you desire marriage this is who you should look for i'm telling you who you should look for and the way that we find how do we find someone to marry what do we do it's not rhetorical what do we do we go on tinder no no no what do we do no no no what do we do what do we do we date yeah we date one day thank you david you're listening what you you you date that this is dating it's a modern idea and it's our method of trying to find a suitable spouse that's why we date you you're trying to find a suitable spouse that's not what the world says the world says day for fun day for the fields you know day to experience the opposite sex day for the experience dating is about 120 years old that entered the the english language as a euphemism for prostitution think about this guys prior to 120 years ago no one in the history of the world had ever gone on a date crazy before 120 years ago no one had gone on a date that's that wasn't a method that was invented 120 years ago and it enters the english language as a euphemism for prostitution because to go on a date was to exchange an experience for sexual favors now if you think about how we date in the 21st century in the world we haven't come that far that's that's still very much how the world dates we exchange an experience take me to my favorite restaurant give me my favorite drink favorite appetizer let's go talking and maybe you'll get lucky somehow some way that's how the world dates i mean you just caught saying like it you guys are staring at me like wait is he serious yes that's that's what your friends do i know not you guys we're in church i'm saying that's what people people do though right and we have more help than we've ever had we've got dating apps dating websites personality tests compatibility tests professional matchmakers and we're the worst at marriage than any generation in the history of history what happened what's wrong people are sliding into dms they're ghosting each other we don't we don't we're not sincere in our love like romans 12 9 says we do what we want to do we're cowards we hide we hide behind technology we basically outsource this whole thing to a web developer and and you're left broken-hearted and i know a lot of you have cried yourself to sleep probably most of you have cried yourself to sleep and guys i want to ask you a question i've been spending a lot of time in this book what if our hearts weren't meant to be broken what if god didn't make breakable hearts what if he never intended for your heart to be broken and in reality we're getting married later we're getting married less and marriages aren't lasting and so if dating is the pathway to the promise of marriage we're doing something wrong and i'm i'm just here i'm raising my hand and say hey something's got to change and so what i'm going to say tonight is crazy in some ways but just apply logic and grab god's word and prove to me if you can from the word of god that i'm wrong because i'm really just plagiarizing some truths that were written i'm really just going to give you one verse with a lot of supporting verses tonight but let me give you some stats up front 1967 out of 10 people in their 20s were married compared with just two out of ten today for the first time in history the average american now spends more years singled and married about 50 percent of marriages end in divorce now let me say uh that 50 percent is made of 41 of first marriages 60 of second marriages and 73 of third marriages so a lot of different things that make up that stat but let's just say you say no no i think it's 40 let me tell you something most marriages fail miserably that's the truth most marriages fail miserably because of those that stay married there's a bunch of them that are unhappily undivorced like this is some of your parents they don't love each other they're not intimate right they're celibate or they're unfaithful they're roommates sometimes they sleep in separate rooms or separate beds and they're not having so they're not divorced but they're not happy so the smallest demographic is people who are joyfully married and stay married and stay joyful that's the smallest demographic here's what i want you to know here's why i left my family tonight here's why i drove two hours to be here is because i want that to be every single person who desires marriage i want that to be you and i believe it's available to you if you will lean into the word of god for the next few minutes together that you could be joyfully married for the rest of your life so i'm going to give you five things five things to look for because i think one of the greatest problems is people don't know what they to look for and you cannot find it if you don't know what you're looking for so let me give you five things it's a great list i i this list was not preserved for dating dating was nowhere in the bible believe it or not the internet's nowhere in the bible it wasn't invented yet right and so the bible does not speak to dating it does speak to relationships and it does speak to discipleship tonight's a discipleship message these five things is what the apostle paul tells timothy hey this is what you should do this is this is what you should be be an example of this timothy timothy also single paul single writing to timothy who's single who says this verse 12. don't let anyone look down on you because you're young but we read that and we think oh is he 16 is he 14 13. he's older than most of you he's about 40 years old when he writes this yeah i know crazy uh that's good news for me that the bible says that's young um don't let anyone look down on you because you're young but instead rather set an example for the believers in speech you see five things speech conduct in love and faith and impurity give you five questions to ask you're on a date these are the five questions yes because all you're doing on a date is you're trying to find will they be a suitable spouse so you're trying to have experiences that would allow you to see and determine if they would be a great husband or a great wife a great mom or a great dad that's all you're trying to do and you want to do that as quickly and effectively as you possibly can because dating is the interview it's not the fun part it's it's like the challenges of marriage without the fun stuff right and so the first question do they set an example in their speech that's the first question do they set an example in their speech now this is huge this is much more important than you think it is here's another way to ask it what do they say what comes out of their mouth do they gossip like i was on a date with a girl prior to monica and the only thing that she wanted to talk about is everyone who wasn't there like it was like going on a date with her was like being in the the grocery store aisle and looking at all the tabloids did you know did you know what did you know did you know he did you know she did you know they and it was like we had nothing else to talk about that's the ungodly that's a giant red flag if you're on a first date with someone and they want to talk about someone who's not present that's not a good sign what comes out of their mouth do they tear people down guys man marriage is hard some of you need to hear that but some of you need to hear marriage is good marriage is good stinginess is good it's good it's a good thing the bible calls says marriage is good but it's also hard after a long day of work after a lot of challenges in ministry i walk through that door praise god i married a cheerleader praise god and i don't mean a cheerleader like you think i mean i mean that she says hey i just want to remind you that god loves you and that he's good and that he's in control and that you got this and you can keep going and i'm here for you i want you to know that right are they negative guys marriage is hard if they're negative that's a beat down like that's going to be a lot more difficult to to partner up in ministry with someone who's always negative do they curse and anger james 1 19 like what comes out of their mouth when they're squeezed not when they're sitting across the table from you at their favorite restaurant ordering their favorite food what comes out of their mouth when they're squeezed man like when they slam their finger in the car door what comes out of their mouth because that's what's going to show you what's in their heart this is what jesus says in luke 6 a good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart for the mouth speaks what the heart is full of what comes out of their mouth you want to know what kind of heart they have look at their words i'm walking to the porch one day about i mean totally about to preach and and this dude walks by and and i'm thinking you know porchy awesome and and i'm like hey buddy and he goes get the f away from me oh wow oh not a fan i get it you know okay uh i say hey man everything okay he goes leave me the f alone i go hey buddy i don't want to get dirty before i preach dude like what time i'm kidding i didn't say that i was like hey everyone i was like i'm like yo you all right man you okay he goes i'm looking for the f in hospital i go well you're in the wrong place and he goes what i go yeah this is in the hospital is a church and he's looking for medical city like down the road i said hey i'm literally i'm like 10 minutes from meeting i'm like hey get in the car i'll take you there and i zip them down dump them off at the the er right and you know it's like good samaritan like leaves no and anyway so so leave him there come back preach the hospital is closed afterwards so go back the next day check on him what had happened is his appendix had ruptured right spewed evil all throughout his i mean evil spewed poison all throughout his body poison all throughout his body and because there's poison inside of him there's poison coming out of him right because as i asked if he was a christian he's like oh yeah i'm a christian i'm like that's really confusing man based on you know as i clarified the gospel it turns out he wasn't a christian they called himself a christian but but but when he was displaying the things in his heart you want to know what comes out of their mouth when they're squeezed and so you want to create an environment so that you can see what comes out of their mouth when they're squeezing what i'm saying is is you want to you know slam their finger in the car door so no i'm kidding don't do that but but think about how can i how can i see that right because their act their words show their hearts and that their actions are going to follow their words and that's number two do they set an example in their conduct do they set an example in their conduct here's how i would ask this what is their reputation what is there because reputation is a lot of conduct stacked on top of each other over time not just the taylor swift album like like it's it's what they've been doing for a long period of time and this is what the scripture says proverbs 20 verse 11 even small children are known by their actions so is their conduct really pure and upright what are they known for and this is one of the challenges of online dating and i'm not completely against it because the bible doesn't isn't completely against it i would just say be wise and there's two rules to online dating okay rule number one profiles lie like anybody can be anyone on the internet they can graduate from seminary and pastor a church and and memorize a bunch of scripture and not even be a christian profiles like rule number two and this is a big one this is the one that's gonna upset you don't go on a date with strangers like i take questions on friday this deal called friday q a and yeah me and you and uh and i get i get about 2 000 questions every friday most of them on relationships and one that i see about 10 times every friday is how do i when i'm on a date how do i figure out if he's a believer guys listen lean in man long before you're on that date sitting at a table with some dude know if he's a believer or not and you say well how do i find that out check references like if you like not all online dating is created equal i would i if i'm going to do that i'm going to uh go through the platforms that allow me to see common friends so that i can say hey do you know this guy do you know where he goes to church where is he served is he really running hard after jesus do you know her is she solid what friend group does she hang in check references prior to going on that day because here's why past performance is the best indicator of future performance you understand past performance is the best indicator of future performance a friend of mine was doing a wedding and the day before the wedding the ex-wife shows up and says hey you know that he was arrested for physical abuse and my body's like no i didn't know that that never came up in the premarital counseling and they're like yeah he was arrested and my friend so they sit down with both of them and say hey like were you a like did you know he was arrested for physical abuse and she was like no i didn't know that and he was like oh you know she's crazy and what that's not exactly what happened and my friend's like yeah but it seems like you should have said that and so i'm uncomfortable doing the wedding when you mess with people's wedding they get really upset they were so mad like they left so they're like hey we're not getting married here they go somewhere else they go to another church they find another pastor they get married they go on the honeymoon and it's amazing as a lot of honeymoons are they come back from the honeymoon he throws her to the ground and breaks both of her arms you know and listen people do change that's what you're asking right now somebody you're sitting next to each other you're like maybe i swear i'm different people people i don't mean to make it awkward i'm just saying i saw some elbowing uh people do change right but you want a track record of faithfulness right you want their repentance my friend todd says you want you want their repentance to be as notorious as their rebellion that they're using their mess and that that's their message and they're they're leveraging that because they're different they're not hiding it in the closet they're like bringing it out for everyone to see that's who i was but jesus changed me you know like my wife uh i got her this suburban bought her the suburban but it had been wrecked really badly and um the fact that he was in that bad accident prior to us purchasing it kept everyone else away and they had the discount you know discounted a lot that's the only kind of vehicle i buy is the deeply discounted content and and so it was like majorly majorly on sale and and it kept everyone else away but here's why it didn't keep me away because i saw that after the wreck that it was repaired and they had been on the road faithfully for three years without any breakdowns and i'm like hey i trust it because there's a track record of faithfulness i know you're not buying a car but you're looking for a spouse you want a track record of faithfulness and not just how they act with you because with you they're on the interview observe them when they're with somebody that can do nothing for them in return how do they act towards someone who can do nothing for them in return because how they act will point to what they love and that's the number three do they set an example in love do they set an example in love what do they love do they love football do they love the mavericks do they love money do they love children do they love their shih tzu that's a dog um what what do they love and it's okay if they love things but but as you look at that list you're going to start to see their idols and you want to make sure that the greatest obsession of their life is the creator of the heavens the earth through his son jesus christ what do they love when jesus was on the earth he talked about this in fact he summarized 644 laws of the prophets into two of the greatest commandments and this is what he said because it's about love so listen he said jesus replied love the lord your god with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind this is the first and greatest commandment and the second is like it love your neighbor as yourself do they love god and and do they love people you're going to want to identify the affections of their heart and here's how you do that you're like well how do i do that one what comes out of their mouth but two where do they invest their time talents and treasures because that will show you what has their heart jesus says in matthew 6 where your treasure is there your heart will be also so wherever they're investing time wherever they're spending money wherever they're using their gifts that's going to show you the objects of their heart right is that like are they serving in the nursery they love church hey i'm going on mission trips i'm always with god i got community tonight can't hang sorry no i'm reading the bible i woke up this morning can't wait to get into god's word or are they like man the mavs are on call you later don't don't interrupt me when you know what do they what do they love i talked to this young adult here one time right here he's like man yeah dude i love man i love this play love god love god me and god man love it yeah oh my god that's good man what's he teaching right now trust in the lord with all your heart lean not on your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make you past straight i love god that's proverbs 3 5 and 6. man that's cool man that's great you got any other verses i love the proverbs especially chapter three love guys like that's cool man so where where are you being instructed right now like where do you go to church what do you no not a church that's not really my thing the institution you know it's all corporate and stuff that's not my it's me and jesus i love god like it's just me and god i love god you know oh yeah you don't really so you're not a part of a church no man on that church you know that's that's just not how i do like me and god that's not what we do and besides the cowboys play on sunday and i got this spot like where my boy like we go with tailgate it's kind of an all-day affair and uh you know it's evangelistic right evangelical you might say we we go and and i'm i'm like it's a place where we just hang out all day and i'm like oh and we talk more and it turns out this is what i told them because this is where we went oh i do think you love god and the cowboys are your god right you're fooling yourself you have a greater obsession than the creator of the heavens and the earth so let's just be honest and it's not just what do they love friends it's how do they love do they leave people better than they found them when i talk about checking references like when their ex all their exes are just really angry at them like they've created tick tock sites just to bash them like they're they're so hurt by them that's that's like you're probably gonna be one of those exes that's their track record you want to date someone who leaves people better than they found them and that is possible it is possible i know that's different than how the world dates but it is it is very very possible and so what environments will show you what they love most that's where you want to go because what they love will point to what they believe and what they believe that's their faith and that's number four do they set an example in faith what do they believe i'm not saying do they identify as a christian that's a different question i can identify as a giraffe it does not make me a giraffe like i can say that i'm anything right but that doesn't doesn't make me that thing i'm saying have they trusted fully listen lean and this is the important part had they fully given themselves to the death and the resurrection of jesus christ for the forgiveness of their sins not in some kind of check the box oh when i was six years old i went down to the front and i said a prayer and it has had no impact on my life since then i'm talking about are they running hard after jesus like do they love him does their life display that they are madly in love with the one who literally quite literally died for them to save them from hell does that mark their lives that's the gospel that's the good news second corinthians 6 14 says do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers do not date someone thinking you can change them you're not a dating missionary that is not your spiritual gift and it is not the calling on your life okay you date someone who has radically given their heart to the lord and you be that person like you're you're in a church on a tuesday night that's a really good sign it doesn't mean everything it just means at least at least you're headed in the right direction even if you came here because you want to prove disprove christianity like you don't understand what's happening god has unleashed the hounds of heaven after you and he's going to win it's going to be awesome i'm so glad you're here you know who you are and um right you want to find someone who's in love with god and i just tell you like as a dude who's done a lot of marriage counseling and a lot of pre-marriage counseling it's half the battle i mean they have the jesus thing right it covers a multitude of sins like if you just find somebody who is radically in love with christ like not check the box kind of world lukewarm christian cultural christian now i'm not talking about that i'm not about somebody that just delights in god like you're going to be fine if you're that and they're that you know that there's never it's talking about a 50 divorce rate you know there's never been a divorce between two people pursuing jesus just never happened in the history of the world there has never in the history of creation been a divorce between two people who were running hard after jesus it's never happened so if you just be that and you find that you're gonna be fine that's that's that's more than half the battle i love what tommy nelson says you you probably have heard this at some point he's just the person that i heard it from first but it's like you're running a marathon you know and it's like you're you're serving over here and you you look around and say oh yeah you're there servant you're always with me and then you you go over to africa or haiti you do a mission trip and you're you're in this marathon you're running over there and oh yeah it's you again we're always together and you're hanging out with these christians here and you're running like oh there we are again you know you're you're in the marathon the person you serve in the nursery with the kids at the church yeah it's you again huh then you're going to church you look like ah there you are and everyone you just kind of you're in that marathon and at some point like we've been running together for a while huh hey you want to run together forever awesome right and you're like no that's stupid no that's beautiful and it happens and when it happens it's amazing it really does happen half the battle is where you look friends so so like like you know people are like oh yeah no we met we met on tender and that's you can it happens when we met no we met at the bar we were in uptown and it's possible and there might be a christian in there it's possible but i can i can find a christian book in barnes noble like i can go to barnes noble and there's a christian section and some of the books in that section are actually christian right but if you blindfolded me and you sent me to barnes and noble and you said grab a book like it's probably not going to be christian because the vast majority of books in there are not christian but if i go to mardel's you know or life way rest in peace if i go to a christian bookstore if i go to a christian bookstore right and you blindfold me you see me in there and i grab a book there's a good chance it's going to be a christian because half the battle is where you look where you're spending your time you know what i mean like that that's a big part of finding someone you should marry and i know you're looking for the one and so i just always have to say this public service announcement right there's not a one it's not one it's not you're not star-crossed lovers there's somebody created about the same time you were you guys were separated and you got a roam throughout the earth finding this person that god in his sovereignty has identified for you and so you're really interviewing people based on how you feel to determine if that comes from greek mythology it's the it's the belief that zeus that everybody was two people and he cut them in half and he separated their halves and you have to go and find the half find your soulmate that it's it comes from pagan mythology it's unbiblical you're not looking for the one you're looking for someone you're not roaming throughout the earth trying to find the one you're looking for someone who knows who formed the earth okay like and it's and the good news is right it's not just a needle in a haystack like it's really a group of people it's relatively a small group of people who god has their heart and in that group of people there's a lot of them that you could make an amazing marriage with like monica and i found each other she's the one for me because we promised before god that we would stay together that makes her the one is there someone better for her than me not rhetorical yes she's five two i'm six foot seven i mean i like guns motorcycles in the ufc she unlike any of those things right but but it's okay like yeah there's lots there's probably hundreds of thousands of guys that she's more compatible with but she's mine i got the girl take that guys their faith will help set the pace in them living a pure life it's a life marked by purity and that's the fifth question do they set an example in purity do they live a pure life do they value pure thinking the word there for purity it's not just sexual purity it's really moral cleanliness it goes beyond physical it's like what are they feeding their hearts like if they get most of their relationship advice from the bachelor like that's problematic you know like if that if that's what they're training hard they're going to a university for divorce like they're training themselves for divorce so you want to look at like what are they what are they entertained by are they entertained by the things that jesus died for i think so often we're entertained and amused by the things that that held jesus on the cross you know are they committed to purity purity in the sexual sense is refraining from extramarital or especially from all sexual intercourse and here's why that matters because remember you're looking for someone who's committed to christ and the guy that will tell you that he loves you but he's moving his hand anywhere other than a ring box is saying something let me tell you what he's saying listen lean in he said god i'm not scared of you what are you going to do to me now listen here god i'm going to do what i want to do when i want to do it i'm going to follow my feelings when i feel like having my way with someone that's what i'm gonna do i'm not afraid of you proceed with caution do you understand pro seed with caution because that person is telling you something else and it's really important that you listen to this they're communicating something to you this is what they're saying they're saying i do not value the marriage covenant i'm willing to go outside of the marriage covenant for sexual intimacy and you need to know something should we get married i'm telling you right now i'm willing to go outside the marriage covenant for sexual intimacy i don't value it that's important you know the divorce rate or i'm sorry the infidelity rate of people who've been primarily impure is astronomically higher than those who haven't okay this is what they're communicating to you i i don't value the marriage company i've done a lot of weddings and i've seen the ones that work out the ones that don't you know i've been to a lot of weddings i i've i've stood up here on this stage and looked at the thousands of you for 12 years you think i haven't had literally thousands of conversations up there i i've heard everything you can possibly imagine i'll say that out of arrogance but maybe just to earn an ounce of credibility to say this sometimes when i do weddings every wedding you've ever been to there's this part you know that part where there's a you may kiss the bride remember that you mentioned do you know why they say that in marriages in weddings rather you know why they say that because for most of history that was their first kiss you may kiss the bride like now you're married you may kiss your bride and and their friends and family would observe right and today that sounds crazy like it's like you may kiss the bride we've seen you kiss we've seen you make out a thousand times you know right you may kiss the bride but i've actually done weddings of of people that's their first kiss you may kiss the bride that's their first kiss isn't that crazy and they're crazy you know what's crazy that their marriage is amazing that's crazy they have incredible marriages and it sounds so crazy to us but their hearts haven't been broken they haven't cried themselves to sleep and in that marriage covenant they know hey i've fought for purity you better believe i'm not going outside of this for anybody else somebody can come up to me and hit on me and buy me a drink and say i can be traveling for business but you know i've fought for this and it's safe all right people ask how how close or how far is too far you know it's a question how far is too foul how far is too far and i would just say well that's like asking how close to the edge can i get of a building like how close can i get i would just ask like do you want to jump off because if you want to jump off the building don't get close to the edge i think when it comes to intimacy in relationships if we were honest we all want to jump off so don't get on the elevator but i'm going to give you a better answer than that how far is too far here's here's the answer when your body begins to repair itself for sex you've gone too far when your body begins to prepare itself for sex you've gone too far and so to explain this so you understand what i'm saying i'm gonna bring out a white board no i'm kidding i'm not gonna do that okay you know you know what i mean you know what i'm saying when i say when your body begins to prepare itself for sex you've gone too far this is what the the scripture says flee sexual immorality all other sin a person commits or outside the body but whoever sins sexually sins against their own body this one's different he's saying that this sin is different it hurts you in a different way whoever sins in sexual immorality sins against their own body do not know that your body is the temple the holy spirit who is in you whom you've received from god you are not your own you've been bought by christ therefore honor god with your body he's saying hey you know that body it's not your body you have it on loan you ever you ever loaned somebody something like your roommate borrows your shoes or something you get them back the heel's broken or your jordans and the bubbles popped or something like dude what did you do right you ever loaned somebody something a dress then it comes back and like that's frustrating when you give somebody something like monica and i had this bounce house that we bought for the kids and it was more than we would normally spend but we just said hey we're going to do this because we're going to lend it out freely like anybody that wants to borrow the house bounce house we're going to let him sew his like for birthday parties but when somebody would come and get the bounce house like i would have a list of rules because it's my bounce house that i would say hey like only three kids at a time make sure that it's connected to this kind of outlet make sure that this tube stays straight and make sure that you you put it in the ground firmly and so when when that person somebody borrowed it one time and they brought it back a giant rip in it it was frustrating i forgive you but it was frustrating you know because they used it in a way that it wasn't intended to be used right it wasn't their bounce house and they used it in a way that it wasn't intended to be used in summary first timothy 4 12. don't let anyone look down on you because you are young but set an example for believers in speech what do they say in conduct what is their reputation in love what do they love in faith what do they believe an impurity do they live a pure life my wife she she'll send me to the grocery store every now and then like with a list and she gives me this list like milk eggs cheese whatever and and it's like parenthetically she's real specific okay because she knows i'm gonna get the cheapest stuff like i'll come back he'll country fair all day like just cheapest biggest bargain stuff i can find so she'll say milk right but parenthetically she'll say two percent organic one gallon blue label blue cap this brand you know and that's what it says in the parentheses like milk and she's like and don't you dare come home without this specific kind of milk right so as i'm walking through the milk aisle as i'm walking through the milk aisle i'm looking at her list trying to find an example that matches her description and when i find it two percent organic one gallon blue label blue lid this brand what i don't do is i don't open the freezer and think how do i feel like do we have chemistry the me in the middle no i like i i found i found what i'm looking for so i commit to it there's no oh i just know and i know like hey hey babe how do i know which milk to get you'll just know when you know no i'll know when it matches what you told me to look for don't you see that's when you're gonna know that you just you look and you look at them and you're like wait well what about chemistry doesn't that important they play it has a place it's not ultimate it's not most important it's not first second third fourth important chemistry comes and goes i can create chemistry you know you can create you can manufacture that if you don't believe me like watch a lot of shows that's what they do doctor i mean that's truly that's what they do great you've had chemistry with people that you're no longer with i love my the resolve of my friend marshall you know i love i love just the pragmatism that he approaches life with because he gets to this point out of college and he thinks you know what it's time for me to get married and he says so now i'm looking for a wife so i'm going to go to this young adult ministry and i'm going to get involved there and i'm looking around and he sees somebody that when she speaks she builds people up and that her conduct is one that other girls want to follow she's investing in them she's pouring in them right and the way that she loves and the things that she loves the way that she spends time in god's word the way that she's serving in that ministry it shows her heart that she has a heart for the lord and her faith that that jesus is the biggest most important thing about her and that she's relentlessly committed to purity and so he goes to her and he's like you match the description of what i'm looking for like he's not the most romantic guy i'll be honest with you like he's not singing boys to men and lighting candles that's just not his game you know that's my game honestly that's not his game he's just like you match what i'm like look like do you want to get married i mean we can date a couple times if you want but i mean you're what i'm looking for right dudes i got to talk to you before i'm done i'm done there there's so many godly women around you and pornography has messed you up man it's taken you and it's trained you and i know it's a girl problem too but it's trained you to look for all the wrong things you got five things that you're looking for find someone that has those five things and put a ring on it but be those five things be those five things first okay let me pray that you would father we love you we thank you for your word that it doesn't return void we thank you for just a simple verse that gives us five things to look for in who we should marry would you press that deep into our soul yet i pray that there is not a divorce that comes out of this room that people who are called to singleness in this room would find contentment in it and people who are called to marriage would find a suitable spouse that that sets an example in their speech and in their conduct and in their love and in their faith and in their purity and that healthy marriages would be born in this room and ministry would be strengthened because we're really just looking for a partner in ministry that that's what would happen that we would meet somebody that we can make disciples with and get after it help us not to learn from hollywood god we know that hollywood has the highest divorce rate of anywhere in america and and they should not be the ones instructing us on what to look for in a spouse you should god we want to listen to you we want to learn from you help us to to unlearn what we need to unlearn and father would you make us new give us new hearts help us to learn what we need to learn in the name of jesus i pray

Channel: The Porch

Views: 26,990

Rating: 4.9521275 out of 5

Keywords: the, porch, dallas, watermark, community, church, christian, christianity, ministry, movement, fort, worth, faith, sermon, dating, truth, bible, advice, biblical, counsel, jonathan pokluda, the porch, watermark community church, young adults, fort worth, david marvin, todd wagner, the bible

Id: CAPAgNRMpuw

Length: 50min 16sec (3016 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 03 2021