Charles Grodin Collection on Letterman, Part 3 of 7: 1993-95

uh here's something from autumn gold publishing it's the ultimate pipe video bringing you the sights and sounds of pipe smoking watch this doesn't matter whether we're black or yellow or green or brown we're all members of the same brotherhood of the briar and the next time you see a pipe smoker don't look away say hi to him acknowledge him got a rick nice pipe thanks jim yeah i'd say these guys are pipe smokers [Applause] i've been out here all day haven't i yes raccoons our first guest is uh sad and uninterested he doesn't know where the camera is he doesn't want to be here ladies and gentlemen please welcome the star of beethoven's second charles grodden [Music] [Applause] well you go around you go around what is wrong with you you go around 14 million a year it's true i am sad disinterested and i don't want to be here but i'm really making an effort look they said dress like dave lose some weight and try to be as funny as dave you you smoke a pipe don't you charles [Applause] is this is this the ed sullivan theater you know the last time i was on this stage i was playing tony i was playing tony in west side story on broadway yes the original production and i sang there is a place for us well here let's do a little bit now come on paul do you have no here we go dim the lights bring them down here we go this would be great knock us out i'll just start no that that's the other there's a place for another there's a place for us well you're in this place so no not that west side story the west side's no not though no no no i didn't i wasn't even i was in the south it was south pacific oh south pacific i played a meal to back i'm going to wash that man right out of my house no no no no it was uh some enchanted comments here we go summon janet evening not that summer come on sing something you have to say wow how you doing does that does that look well first of all first of all i'm i'm so i mean you've gotten so big since i've got that's not true we we've been very lucky now i have to tell you the first thing that strikes me as sitting here is that because you've been on the cover of everything you no longer have to sit five inches higher than that was never true no it was always always up here dave how are you you know but you're not and i appreciate you you know why that's true i'm bigger than most people no no yes i know now you're the same now it's fine i appreciate it it's good in fact you're i think your chair is a little higher than mine to compensate how tall the man are you i'm 6'3 no you're not how tall are you six two i'm six two and a half you know dave i wanna talk about the movie let's get right into the movie forget about the movie for a second please you're always pushing movies you know when johnny when johnny johnny johnny carson johnny carson johnny carson when he kept getting raises and nbc kept getting him up there enough he had certain regulars terry guard tony randall myself dabney coleman and when he got up there to 10 million 15 million 20 million you know he'd throw a little something in our way are you aware of that i don't believe that are you aware i don't believe that i johnny gave me this suit from his line he did you may not be aware of it it's you know there are certain people that are responsible for your newfound success certain of us the regulars over a 10-year pair you get up there you're into how many figures is one two three four five six seven eight it's like nine ten figures i think your appearance here tonight speaks to my charity [Applause] i think it speaks to your desperate need for entertainment well that too i won't argue with that you're absolutely right about that now tell me all about the big dog movie tell me everything this the first one has made you an even bigger screen star people recognize you wherever you go you know you're 14 million to me stop saying that nothing nothing you said it earlier you said it's a racket you know if you want to get a lot of money but that was it it was just a joke for heaven's sakes we're not under oath here what do you think this is not the grand jury we're just trying to have fun no i understand relax the girls will be here in a minute [Laughter] [Applause] so tell us about the movie i know now you're like a bigger star than ever you can't go anywhere without being mobbed no i can't i was mobbed uh several times today when i tried to go somewhere so i'm not going to go anywhere right under the house yeah no i was mobbed just from my dressing room coming down here i barely got here in time for your terrible introduction there he is he's sad he's disinterested and he doesn't want to be here and then and then what did you do you stood up you baited this audience you made them think not only the audience you made me think you were going to dazzle everybody with a broadway tune and what did you do you went out no no no no you went that's that's it wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute oh i tell you what oh the ed sullivan theater after charles leaves i will sing maria we have to pause for a commercial here while i slap some sense into our first guest and then we'll be right back look at how good we look [Music] hey yes sir charles gordon is here brian adams jack hannah [Applause] i want to i want to talk here a little bit about the beethoven movie because i know uh when you made the the original one a couple of years ago it was just a movie it was going to be a nice movie you're a very funny man very appealing actor so we knew it was going to be we knew it was going to be quality what we didn't know was that it was going to go through the roof and now you've done a sequel now the first one was beethoven david runs away from home and the family travels around the world trying to find the dog right right don't let me interrupt you can i get paid in cash tonight if you sing this is the this is the love theme from beethoven all right oh this will be good you know it yes you do [Music] you don't know it do you he doesn't know it he doesn't know it forget it no he doesn't know it what difference does it make you you're not gonna sing it out i'm not gonna sing i can't say all right let's see let's get serious and talk about this movie yes what do you want to know well tell me all about it how's it changed your life what's it like what's changed my life completely david you know i've got you know i make 15 million a year i love working with a dog i get paid in cash how has the is it the same dog from the first it is the same dog and it's in and it's me again too and bonnie hunt as well yeah i know bonnie huh she's very nice yeah you worked with her i know yes yeah she's like your wife in the film she is my wife yeah that's good yeah so anyway that's all true it's nice out here it's cool it's warm backstage but it's cool out here did you did you leave your medication in the dressing room charles do you have any medication let's talk a little bit more about the movie how about these dogs the movie is great the movie's great the dog has gone crazy there's puppies in this puppies in the movie they brought the puppies home no they're not lovable they are lovable they're lovable you don't get along with them i don't know they're there and they're saying in this scene uh the puppies are in the house and i don't know it and i'm all excited we're gonna go on vacation and the puppies are making noise from the basement and i'm trying to figure out what's going on okay here we go rolling here's a couple of seconds from the uh seconds when's the release in december december 7th december 17th here we go beethoven the second beethoven second watch this we're all members of the same brotherhood of the dryer and the next time you see a pipe smoker don't look away that's one of the funniest scenes in the movie but that's not the one i introduced that's a great scene in the movie oh am i am i getting on your nerves a little you've been getting on my nurse right now okay now all kid in the side let's take a look now at at the first half hour of charles movie here we go beethoven's second watch this here we go when the fun begins ready to fly what's that this is a uh this is a a new children's book i wrote that just hit the bookstore it's called freddie the fly wow you can do everything you write to plays your right to i could also host a talk show oh it takes a mighty big man to do that charles yes well we'll see no song you can't leave us with a little thing all right just on your singing what's your favorite song uh finlandia all right [Laughter] you better sing [Applause] [Music] in addition to beethoven's second and freddie the fly i will be appearing at the metropolitan opera from january 4th throughout the entire year singing different versions of what i didn't sing tonight charles i know the movie is going to be a huge hit for you again and i always enjoy watching you in the motion pictures i just think you're the best absolutely thanks david thank you very much have a great holiday student charles ready [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] i'm very impressed paul you taught the kids a little dance didn't you well very very exciting i love that choreography thank you so much coming up on the show tonight we have the 12 year old world champion loon color brad pivot and tomorrow on the show another loon caller richard simmons will be here [Music] [Applause] [Applause] also a great band by the name of james what do you know about james paul i don't know anything about it to teach them that little dance and uh very funny man writer and director and actor ben stiller from the movie reality bites and also we think if we can get her once again my mom from the olympics in norway [Applause] all right are you folks ready it's that time everybody ready yeah may i have the envelope please thank you very much very nice of you thank you nice job nice to see you how'd you like to go to lily hammer oh boy this is very exciting and the winner is charles grodden [Music] so [Applause] [Music] congratulations [Music] wow wow very very exciting okay we're gonna do it [Applause] we're gonna do a commercial we'll be back here to call some loons come on back folks [Applause] you know that rhythmic applause might bring richard back into the auditorium so applaud at your own risk thank you very much and enjoy a beverage and you know whenever you see me in a joint beverage it's an excellent opportunity for you and your family at home to enjoy a beverage along with me no paul i should no the folks at home oh at home oh i didn't what are you on a break [Laughter] and i got to tell you something this that show last night had a strange effect on me yeah i can see that i just don't care anymore come on get it together today is another day our first guest hello madonna our first guest could buy the state of rhode island with the money he has made from the beethoven movies i have seen his latest film entitled clifford and i'm certain it's going to be another blockbuster hit ladies and gentlemen please welcome mr fun charles grodden [Music] i enjoyed that moment charles area you know you and i are in show business you do film work primarily i do tv work uh exclusively and we've known each other for a long time so if you don't mind tonight i'm going to call you chuck that's right uh if you don't mind um i uh i try to see the show but i'm on an early schedule whenever i do see the show i love the show well i'm working and i i'm on new york i have a child i'm i just worry so i don't get to see the shows but whenever i come on the show i do i do like to watch it uh the night before that i come on so i hadn't i hadn't really seen the show for about really about four months and i wanted to so i taped it because i'm sleeping but i did watch it this morning and i feel a little uh awkward here because you you've gone into in a different direction since i was uh since i was last on and and this and they booked me on this show really about five six weeks ago and i at the time i just assumed it was like coming on with and you know we've been appearing you know i've been like for 10 11 years i did not know that the show had changed its direction and i'm going to try the best i can uh to fit in with the new uh direction that uh that we've gone in so uh you know [Applause] they're they're they're absolutely uh they're just absolutely out of the laundry there you don't have to they're fine you know you don't have to they're just you know okay let's see what i don't know it's uh uh oh boy look at that microphone boy oh boy now that's exciting that's an exciting i'm awkward at this i'm not that good at that boy that's really an exciting macro get a hold of yourself check i'll get off i'll get off there let me try something i know i haven't i haven't enjoyed this about about someone who uh who relieved himself in the park i don't know if that's anything uh for you at all i don't know stop it i'm you son of a and i'm not comfortable with it i got to get off i'll just do the best that i can you know but i tried what's on your mind well you know you said something very insulting to me and i let it go right by that's the kind of guy i am that's how gracious i am you said i haven't seen your show in four or five months well let me tell you something pal hey now wait a minute wait wait wait wait wait a minute i'm talking about i'm talking to you what i see every one of your movies on airplanes so what do you think of that what do you think of that all right but you you you and i both know that you saw clifford in bed and you were laughing out loud that's true no that's right i like i thought this is a very funny this is one of the funniest movies i ever made and if people listen to you or me we'll have a big hit so it basically seeing what kind of impact you are it's a good combination good chemistry there we improvised a lot of combination you know well that's what we did and uh you know people say if you come on letterman you promote if you're going phil donahue for a book and we'll see if it's true we'll look monday and see because you think it's funny and alive if people go to see clifford i wouldn't say if if i didn't think it was a really funny movie i'd say something like wow that's some film but i i really you know i said man geez the color in that movie was right yeah but i watched it and it made me laugh well i i was the one who got them to send you a cassette because we got it to you before it came out because i thought you would find it funny well so what you know when you credit for that why would you take credit for that yeah well i i try to take credit for i'm the one who suggested you should be on at night remember you were on in the morning you probably remember that i said put them on at night it was a great show it was just on in the morning this is 11 years ago oh you're the guy i said get them on at night so how do people perceive you i guess when you go out uh in public people just kind of you know twitch and shy away from you because i don't think i don't think people think that you're a nice guy that's true that's true i've done a lot of interview i did 48 interviews marty and i each did 480 marty thanks chuck when we did uh when we were out talking about clifford recently and i would say 45 of those 48 people came in to talk to me nervous because they had only known me as they see me with you and they thought i was going to like you know slap them or smack them or anything like cereal and i keep saying this is for people let me just say this is a this is an act i mean we go bowling together i mean we've had sleepovers together uh wisconsin north of here and uh you know we spoke remember new year's day that conversation yeah we did we actually talked on the phone i thought man this is going to be some year you know we spoke on the phone new year's day i was i was complaining about the late payment of a previous appearance you were at a big party you were at a big new year's day it was all right the night that i met jack parr which was about oh jack parker's great night for me and i met him but so we are friends this is fun where people don't have to be a friend why do you think it is people don't like because because we because we i do this i say hey you know i do that convincingly but it's a joke it's a joke it's just a joke right all right well if you're comfortable with that lie fine it's a joke yeah it is a joke of course it's a joke what else do you want to talk about i'd like to go to a commercial now and then come back and talk about clifford okay i've taken over the i'm the executive producer i should have told you it's just that after last night you know i just i don't care you know i'm i'm happy you're here but i just don't care well i'll tell you i talked to somebody today whose name i won't mention i thought that was good because it busts open the the con the puritanical nature of the country i on the other hand i think it shouldn't even have been aired yeah yeah i i think this i watched it with my six-year-old when you were talking he was grinning from ear to ear and i'm not making that up that's right so you're you've got a bigger audience by young and old alike it's just that middle group of us we're gonna do a commercial ladies and gentlemen when we come back we'll continue chatting with the lovable charles grodden come on back [Music] heidi nice to see you charles jordan is here elvis costello and the attractions will be out later stick around you'll enjoy this music this is great elvis costello back together with the attractions haven't performed together in eight years right here for the first time what are the attractions been doing all this time oh well i had a couple of my place doing yard work um where what were we talking about let's let's uh you want to talk about oh you know what i saw on an airplane of course i saw that film dave you were in that dave film i was in there you played an accountant i wasn't dave i actually you know we just we just that was what they call an unbilled cameo i know i did that but it was a powerful scene yeah i actually we both won the american comedy award this last week it'll be a special on i think abc you you won for uh for best uh something and i won for funny it's for funniest something and i was one for funniest something i went for funniest uh supporting actor in a movie beating among others you because you were you know let's face it you were in cabin boy uh [Applause] the role i was born to play you on the other hand one for funniest person in the sustaining series which is kind of funny you know he's because he's not in a series but we're here every night but every night 365 nights john goodman and people like that well he's a very talented man i'm honored you're not basically doing the same thing i think once you're nominated you're all winners that's how i like that's how i feel as well you know and in hollywood oscar is king all right continue with your little story who do i call if the check is late the check will not be late i'll just hear it uh anyway we both won the america and i i actually went i flew out to l.a and i uh thank you and and i was out of the country yes you were i was out of the country and somebody who is the four you can't say his name you can't say larry about melbourne whatever yes we don't care i just don't care tonight say whatever you want and uh that's intellectual property right his name oh dear um anyway he accepted for you that's right i accept it for myself good for you congratulations thank you congratulations to you and i hope we both win again next year yeah uh let's talk about clifford um this is a this is a clip from clifford the thing that the picture this is all right this is you and marty shortly say that it's so funny barney short was here a couple of nights ago and is he hilarious oh he's great he's the best he's so funny you know who's a very dear friend of his tony randall i got a telegram i'm not kidding i got a telegram tonight i'm i absolutely swear to you from tony randall it's very nice and i don't know if it's from tony randall or more it's a it's some kind of a weird telegram about why are you working with marty shorten well marty had a little story about here's a it from clifford and uh we can't we can uh we can run the clip but martin short plays a 10 year old this is what i have to do oh i'm sorry are you still here uh now that's just friends yeah exactly we're just we're just jousting a little bit a little you know yeah nobody gets hurt right no it's a big 16 ounce gloves um all right charles thanks for coming by thank you very much my next guest no no no this is a scene from the motion party short plays my ten-year-old nephew uh clifford and uh here he is in a scene where i'm with my boss dabney coleman and he comes in and completely embarrasses me you can uh i guess roll it yes you know that's uh that's that nick coleman who you've had on the show and he's got a great cast mary steenburg and dabney coleman you know martin shaw and he's been on the show in fact he called on this show he's like called me things i wouldn't even worse than what happened last night yes but you know something i want to make sure people understand that uh this really is a very funny very silly unusual film and they ought to they ought to just go see it well that's nice because i think that they might enjoy them tell me something i mean i i know i don't recall you you talking like this about a movie that much have you the first time i've seen a movie oh no really and we appreciate it that you have said this no seriously because you don't hear him like promote a movie like that and uh it's true he gets paid to say it but still we appreciate it you don't get paid to say that's another joke jokes humor show business that's what we're doing it's all a joke no animosity at all just stop talking so i can wrap it up you tried to wrap it up last night you're not that good at rapping [Music] [Applause] that's a very good point i will go much easier man i will go easier i am like i'm like trained like a prisoner of war man you say go i'm off all right i know all right get out of here all right ladies and gentlemen charles grodin we'll be right back thanks charles very funny [Applause] [Music] you know when when those kids get back from woodstock and found out what a great show they missed here tonight they're going to kill themselves right our first guest tonight uh thinks of himself as a really really giant big time movie star you of course know him best for his work in the heartbreak kid that was a great movie by the way civil shepherd and charles grodin the heartbreak kid also midnight run with robert de niro and charles how are you i'm getting ready to introduce you you just chill of course he was uh the star of both of the big blockbuster beethoven movies ladies and gentlemen please welcome the always agitated charles broden [Music] [Music] come on do something go nuts come on come on i i i do have an opening statement [Laughter] i i'm so happy with all the success that you've had god bless you charles bro continued success thank you very much and i was i was thinking to myself why why is this guy doing so well so much better bigger audience and everything like that and i thought because you're more likeable you smile more you're friendly think that has a lot to do with i think that's a very lovely thing but the other night uh i was watching the show and my wife who was usually asleep by the time woke up a little bit and she looked at it with me and she said why does why does david uh smile so much i said he's being more friendly and it's worse working very well she's but a lot of the times when he's smiling or grinning you don't know what it's a what he's smiling about right running about that ain't my problem right but [Applause] [Music] but what's what started to happen was we began to watch the show realizing you were grinning you were grinning and smiling a lot at for no understandable reason and we started instead of enjoying it starting to get edgy as though we were in the presence of maybe you know i mean it's in the nicest possible way early dementia uh i'm sure it's not but it's really nice to be here hey thanks sir see now i understand exactly what you're saying and i think it's interesting i think it's telling that because you see someone else enjoying himself at his job you think i have to be nuts what does that say about you i don't think that makes you the biggest cynic in the world no uh i think i i think when you're just like grinning out into space and at first i thought well he's remembering he gets paid all this money but that's been worth some time that works but yeah just grin if i would suddenly sit here and go you know yeah people would start to feel like what the hell you know and that's what's happening right i'm just trying to say that as a friend okay so so you i shouldn't i shouldn't i say if you smile or grin be sure that we know what you're smiling or grinding about well i'm laughing don't make it like abstract out there i'll tell you what i find amusing right this very minute you're going to your outfit thank you very much thank you good night everybody good night drive safely all right all right let's let's talk about it look like let's talk about working in the yard and let's talk about it let's talk about our outfits uh one person is dressed i have a suit on to present yourself to people that's right and one person is dressed the way he wants to be dressed not to present himself to people well it says to me once again and and it's not that it's awful it's just a little unkempt looking and it's i'm more like an actual person and you're more like david letterman but this this isn't this is an actual life this is show business buddy pick it up a little pick it up a little bit i tell you i take your point that's interesting you got it i thought of it that way i thought i was just coming to like you know this is show business all right see to me that's maybe i should grin more all right so that's it now i understand now i understand you know you know when you do that you look like you're nuts i am yeah charles let me ask you this can you hang around for another little segment we really have we just scratched the surface here do i get paid extra no you get the same fee but we can hang around and chat a little more do you mind stay right there all right all right i don't get extra no you don't get anything extra it's just the fun and the thrill of being here with me yeah but it's cold festival of peace and love you need thermal underwear we got to do a commercial and then we'll come back and chat with charles gruber [Music] so [Music] welcome back to the big friday night festival of peace and love charles broden andre agassi you play tennis no have you ever tried to play tennis you look like a tennis player i bet you played in high school did you play in grade school did you take lessons no do you have a racket no did your wife play anybody in your family no no no no i you go to tennis match i no i've been to the u.s i don't like tennis ever been to the wimbledon i don't like tennis my brother was a tennis champion oh wow that's great that's great maybe it's great for you but it was my brother i couldn't play and he was a champion and that irritated you yes i'm all right now but i haven't thought about it for a long time you know uh last night something wonderful happened on the program yeah joe cocker was here and he's on his way to woodstock he's performing there tomorrow and he had some videotape of an appearance that he did here in the ed sullivan theater in 1969 and we ran the video tape it was unbelievable it was an electric moment it was a magic it was exciting i'm happy to hear about it now i know that you have a similar situation in your theatrical history you mean well i was i was first discovered on the ed sullivan that's exactly what i'm driving it was years ago i did a uh i did i was just a supporting player in a sketch of a canadian comedy it was a skit kind of a skit it was a skit sorry sorry oh man i always do that uh of simon and schuster and and i was just supporting a big publishing company yes they are they became a publisher they were a laborer wayne and schuster wayne institution sorry yes uh anyway it was gonna kill you to prepare look at me i'm ready i'm here i think i wrote it down assignment see that's that's that's it right there that's the thing tell you the truth even sitting here right now [Applause] that's a happy guy hey i was on the ed sullivan show and it actually i was discovered and went into the movies based on my performance you have the video tape did you bring it i don't i don't yes you do you have it i know you have it i thought you had it hal do we have mr grodden's videotape please sure we do all right roll it this will be charles grodden that was me i just crossed that that was you in the back okay can you back it up roll it again in slow motion let's take a look at charles walking up making his debut here we go that's me back there it's just like that's it right there right there man i uh i uh thank you thank you thank you i went i i got i went to i got the heartbreak kid off that elaine may saw that scared she spotted me uh there and a great vision next thing there was she said hold it stop she stopped the frame too now do you remember what you were thinking of because it looks to me like you're laughing at something there see talk about people who are laughing look you got that inside i know why i was smiling i know i was grinning i was smiling because i was convinced even though no one knew who i was i was completely unknown i just got here i didn't have any money nothing i was looking for i became a night watchman i had nothing i got a job as an extra in this thing for like i don't know what seventy dollars and i was trying to what i'm smiling at is i'm trying to hide from the camera because i don't want people to see me an assignment in an eight what is the name of the wayne schuster sketch i think it's like it'll be bad for my career i don't have a career but i think it's a bit people see me as an extra with wayne and schuster it's so pathetic but i need the 70 bucks you know so that's what i'm doing on there and i'm smiling thinking about the whole situation i'm not really involved in the robin hood sketch you're worried and embarrassed that it's going to ruin your career which i didn't have hey hey charles guess what you got to go you mean adios you mean we've we've been uh listening thank you very much it's uh a a a typical warm salutation now wait a minute yeah you're on me when i'm smiling and you're on me when i'm brushed let me tell you go ahead and finish that song will you paul let me tell you something i'm smiling now you're off me when i'm brusque you're a crazy nutty guy you were embarrassed about wayne schuster but we love you chuck just so just so we don't end with that uh i just want to say that tonight i i spoke to our common not comment i mean she's the makeup lady that does both of us she's not the common makeup lady the makeup woman who makeup woman woman what is her name michelle oh right right and i said i said michelle when i'm on does does david like is it something he says yes it is it's something special for him he's kind of like he says yes it is he knows you're on and it's a special i said why what does he say literally what does he say when he knows i'm coming on he says well he says you know i really feel tonight it probably won't suck and i want to thank you for saying that you know to be so appreciated that he's confident that i won't suck it's lovely and and and and and appropriate for the rest of your character thanks for making a liar out of me again chuck chuck grodin ladies and gentlemen good to see you buddy we'll be right back here [Applause] [Music] [Applause] yes sir my thanks to uh the three folks who helped out with stupid pet tricks tonight they were very very nice people and very exciting tricks and i the show so far is so good people in the audience during the commercial have been coming up here saying dave please you take the ten dollars we feel we owe you the ten dollars we have more than received ten dollars worth of entertainment here please i said no no no no no no no ladies and gentlemen here is a here's a here's a tip for uh hollywood casting agents if you need somebody to star in a dog movie it doesn't get any better than our first guest his latest book right here is uh called we're ready for you mr uh grodden said ready for you mr gordon ready for you mr grodin please welcome friend to benji beethoven and rin tintin charles grodin come on [Music] [Music] hi charles let's if we might just take a moment let's review the show up until this point probably the best line the funniest moment of the show was the uh was the guy choking on the pretzel i mean that was oh i was that was i was i was i was sitting in my in my dress i was getting dressed and i just i dropped my tie i really i was just so that's very kind of the most pathetic moment of the show i would say giving the audience money and the most and the most oh thank you very much thank you [Applause] the most heartwarming moment of the show giving all of us money [Applause] now a lovely moment a lovely moment in show business the most the most humiliating moment of the show me being right now uh leaving uh me being introduced after stupid pizza no no that's no you got out of his room come on come on no no wait a minute now wait a minute now wait a minute i ever since it's been announced that i'm going to do my own talk show i'm coming out later and later on this show and that's the first time he ever said and tonight stupid patrick charles grove comedian you know this didn't happen until they announced i'm doing my own show you know you're the only talk show host that i didn't get a gift from when that was announced so don't tell me this is i just gave you 10 damn dollars what do you want now you know i'm sorry i didn't i i was not aware that you had a talk show when is the show on charles well i don't want i don't want to make you unhappy you know uh you don't you don't have a talk show do you have a talk show you don't you don't have a talk show you're lying you don't have a talk show i would have seen it if you had a talk show no in the strictest sense of the world i don't have a talk oh well see sure it's nice standing up why do people sit well maybe this is something you can use on your show yes oh the show that i have have a seat there now we're going to do a different kind of a show than this show we're going to do a show we're going to do a fast patient we're going to have a a top one list yeah get get right to it fast yeah the second most humiliating moment on the show the top one list the third most humiliating uh moment on the show the response to the mention of the top one list as the first most humiliating charles let me ask you a question will your new talk show will you and your imaginary guests [Applause] well we ever have to do commercials no sir we're not important enough that we got to do one right now we'll be back here in a minute with charles grove [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] charles has written a book called we're ready for you mr grodin and i was just during the commercial i was perusing it i haven't had a chance to read it because i haven't received my complimentary copy yet and i'm surprised i see i see here a chapter called happy times and i'm stunned i don't remember you on that show i remember fonzie i remember uh richie cunningham opie and i miss mr and mrs c in the fonz hey you know how fonz but i don't remember you on the show happy times what see that refers to some happy times i've had in my life oh that's yeah oh it was a happy days i'm sorry i was thinking a happy day [Laughter] that's that's as funny as the guy choking on the pretzel it really is now uh let i know you have some interesting uh archival if you will videotape yes why don't you tell the people about it and then we'll show them oh they asked me before i was coming down today uh if i had anything from the past to show and i and here was a time i was it was on a western and i used to play yesterday no no were you ever on bonanza uh i refused to answer on the ground you'd have been good on banana i wasn't on bonanza you should have been i was not i bet you were you to fit right in with little little joe and haas and i didn't like hoss hop hop sing you'd have been good on that show oh what yeah hop sing you'd have been good on that show he was the he was there with little joe and big haas and the other boys hop sing is this show a success [Applause] of course yeah i forgot that you'll find out how successful we are when you get your little nickel up and running sure uh so anyway the the film you have the videotape is a western and it's the guns of wilson yeah this is to show me at a time where i was i was a much nicer kinder softer part of my life and i'd like to balance my appearance here with the something from the past that shows me as well i think there's a really i think you're great i think you're a very talented man i think you're probably uh state of the art when it comes to uh comedy actors working in big time motion pictures today you're just the best thank you very much [Applause] i would like to elaborate on that for a moment if i might were you ever on the big valley that was a yes i was on big valley about big valley barbershop you know what barbara stamp could do every day you came to work just to get herself going she'd smack you right across the face yeah very physical just to say hi you know that was the way she was you know who else was on that show was uh lee majors i think was on that show yes who later went on to become the husband of pharaoh well yeah but but the the million-dollar man no he was great he was great i met him i did a picture with fair and i met him in mexico and there's a story there i just can't tell on the air no no you're saving it for your show tell us come on tell us the story what happened i am saving it for my show and stay tuned for my show you hear the real story about what happened in mexico well we're not going to have any dogs that sing happy birthday we're going to give you the real behind behind-the-scenes stuff it's like in that book it's behind the scenes and and in show business yeah talk shows and that's what it is okay now are we going to take a look all right here we go here's uh uh charles grodin in uh the guns of will sonnet rolando maybe we better forget about collins give me some more time i got plenty of bells in my saddlebag first one for jack collins [Music] [Applause] maybe one for the big man himself [Music] [Applause] [Music] tough guy i was uh i was uh i was much i was much nicer i was much nicer guys you're just a kid then you're like 19 years old i was like 14 years old you do you do you remember your first role like that a dramatic part on tv or maybe i do actually i can i can actually show it at another time i'd rather like show it rather than get up here and i'll perform whatever i'm not asking for a performance thank you you're not getting one i know but you can see that again you know no you [Music] you're right you're great and i appreciate the ten dollars and i appreciate being being asked to come in here at the last minute and then fill in you've always been very very good to us and for us i can't thank you enough thank you now charles uh one other time when you were on the show you nearly burst into song you nearly burst nearly exploded into song i i nearly did because when i remember this is the ed sullivan exactly appeared several shows but actually the truth of the matter is i i used to study singing when i was i was starting out i didn't have any money everybody did i had to study yeah you studied with you please and uh and i didn't have enough money look at this look at this unbelievable put that next to stupid fences that's what we're going to do on my shirt look we don't you doesn't even cost any money to do that you don't have to pay the dogs to do that i would like to close with three words from a song i study when i was like kid i only learned the three words because i don't have enough money to continue my studies to learn the whole song this better be good because now wait a minute i didn't say it was good but it don't disappoint us if can we get you a blanket and some soup no i'm sure yeah but no if you if you don't disappoint us you know what i mean because the last time i pretended you were going to sing and it was i really would rather go out with the air no no no get up there and sing go right over there are you ready paul you want me to go over there right center stage just go right over there here we go [Applause] [Music] [Applause] stop that all right listen this is you know come on just sing come on seriously or that for that matter [Music] be my love [Music] [Applause] [Music] nicely done charles moving wasn't it deeply we'll be right back thank you again words of wisdom about your talk some swivel the way to really please the viewers give them things um coffee cups with rhino heads on score big rhino heads whatever you do when people call you on the toll-free exchange don't hang up on people no no no don't hang up on them no and wear the same color striped shirts as i do charles grodin premieres monday at 10 on cnbc first in talk [Applause] ansari you know when our first guest starred in the heartbreak kid that was a fine movie also midnight run another terrific movie and uh the beethoven movies he was a big time motion picture star now this man is the host of his very own talk show on cnbc please welcome back the always agitated charles grodden charlie come on out here buddy [Music] huh oh jordan yes sir would you give uh would you give david a close-up and david i'm going to ask you to just repeat for the audience what you just whispered in my ear i said that i thought you did a very nice job on your new talk show and my heartfelt congratulations to you and yours for such a wonderful effort that's very nice it's very it's very uh it's very gracious because when you introduce me by the way we're having hors d'oeuvres help yourself [Applause] save that for later you'll enjoy that you're doing a lot of wonderful work here no you know i'm serious i couldn't be happier for you i watched that show and i thought to myself and that was a no small act to follow tom snyder uh left to go on the show after us and he's very good and you i think do a wonderful job it's very entertaining thank you very much thank you as a matter of fact let me just say what i was going to say at the end of the show at the end at one o'clock tonight if you if you've never seen my show on cnbc you can watch richard lewis and me for an hour he was great yeah well the two of you guys would be terrific together yes it is it's the repeat but if you want to see if you've never seen it watch richard lewis i'm sorry how was the response to the show been how long have you been on a couple of months i've been on for uh a month and uh the response is uh the biggest response i've ever gotten that anything that's very don do you enjoy it i love it yeah i love it i'm i'm very grateful that i that i can do it is it easier or harder than you thought it might be it's uh it's harder because while you have uh like 16 writers i i am the uh i am the only uh i am the only writer uh i'm the only writer um at least that while you have well you have uh maybe why you have you're gonna say maybe the work schedule is cut into your dating life is what i was thinking you seem like a man with a need [Laughter] well you have 16 writers i am the only writer of mine you're the only writer you're the creative i am the creative force except when people like richard richard lewis comes out and it's funny do people do people like you i think they're surprised because i i know a lot of people have people like you i think they're surprised uh let me let me let me just get to the point i know yeah but it's not that interesting let me get to the point uh this is great and thank you for everything you've said and it's wonderful but there is something that we have to clear up but you know i i have this show on cnbc because i was doing a a show that was going to come on late night opposite david and david came to a run-through of the show and thought it was great it was very flattering he pat he said this is fabulous then he asked me to go away and don't come on opposite him that's exactly what happened and i said i said that on my show and that's why he got tom snyder to come follow him and i'm over at cnbc you know why that is you know why i can do something like that i'm the most powerful man in show business [Applause] that's true that's true he it's true he is uh he is the most powerful man uh and sure i want to make a point i don't do it a two shot he is the most powerful uh a man in show business but he was not so powerful that when he saw a run-through of the show that i was doing that was going to come on opposite him he didn't take me aside and say he would like me to go elsewhere and not come on opposite him and you've denied that you've said that no i didn't deny it i'll agree to everything no he did he did he did not i was going to come on opposite david with a late night like a show like this and he said he saw a run through he said go away go go get tom go to cnbc and you you acknowledge it that's right and then i made it all happen i was able to arrange it that's right that's right so i thought he was going to deny it but he did that's why i'm not opposite david that's why i'm it's where i want to be charles this is this is the third time you've taken us through that story now let's do a commercial and we'll come back and talk about this before you go to commercial let me just compliment you on your imitation of garth brooks it wasn't an invitation it was an impression oh it was beautiful oh another big hat no i haven't seen this shirt beautiful work now we can go to a cookie wow look another enormous hat yeah all [Applause] [Music] right [Music] [Applause] that's it that's what we need keep on the sunny side you know that song always on sunny keep on the sunny side of life it will help you every day [Applause] it's a great song yes it is your words let's take it back take it back or i'll punch it i'll punch it so it's like hey ah no i'm not you know what i'm concerned about now because i know what this schedule is i know from my own experience uh doing a daily show is a huge commitment what about films what about the other side of here i'm not gonna do movies there's only one problem because i can't and this is and i love this and this is what i want to do and i'm not interested it's not like you were getting you you weren't having trouble doing movies actually oddly enough since i do this show i have more offers to do they see her alive and moving and stuff they offer you know because a lot of times i think when people see a big star like yourself suddenly going to tv they think oh there's trouble with the movie career not if you come off a movie that took in a half a billion dollars like beethoven now the problem is there there is going to be a a third base i would hopefully beethoven's third and they do want me to do it i definitely am not going to do it so i suggested you oh thank you for the very generous dad and beethoven and they said well he would never i said don't i would do it in connecticut you might you might do it you're here i'll do it i'll go anywhere but so i suggested you and i and i want to see like do you you think you could handle the my part oh i think so i think so let me let me see here boy no no no no no no no everybody come on no no no wait open come in here and clean up the ham will you come here oh he took a dump in the corner look at that beethoven took a dump in the corner with me do this anyway here boy here but anybody in the audience you know here boy here you don't get the star in the movie here boy give me give me a very strong you know very powerful annoy get that dog off my bed all right give me that well i need i need come on let me have it where is it get it right here give it a close-up how does it go again get that dog off my bed get that dog off my bed i added i added that extra stuff you know that this stuff i added that on my own i added that well you know i i want to be honest with you you know i they didn't need me you are that was phenomenal that was nothing in that movie compared to that do it one more just give it to me no i can't get that dog up now i can't i heard that it's a movie you have to do it 27 times get the dog off my bed uh is there anything bothering you now everything seems to be going so well for you what's really bothering bothering me man may i please uh i got a review here's what's odd about me i don't i have not read anything i'm gonna thank you everybody but i'm getting fabulous reviews and all these facts because i think the show is great it is and and thanks a lot i wanted to one one o'clock tonight me and richard lewis but in any case uh no in all these fabulous reviews there was a review came out yesterday they showed me an entertainment weekly which is which is really a rave review but in the middle of the review it says he's doing what we hoped he's doing what we feared yeah what does that mean i don't know it's enigmatic they don't mention what the hell does that mean another one said that i had eyes like bruce the shark and that was a good review but i mean i come on give me a close-up let me see we've seen it already we saw it spruce you're a lovely man and the nicest thing they said was that i like to annoy people well it's fun sometimes to get in there and make trouble a little bit i like to annoy people yeah yeah i mean i've known you for a long time and you always come in here and sort of think i like to annoy i think you enjoy it yeah do you think that's what i'm doing here yes i do you think i'm trying to annoy you i think you are i think yes i think you're trying to annoy me i'll stop it or i'll hit you again excuse me i'll hit you again i'll knock you down excuse me if you think i'm trying to annoy you if you think i'd like to annoy you am i annoying yes you're very annoying i'm very good at what i do [Music] well uh charles again let me uh go back to what i was saying earlier i couldn't be happier for how this has worked out you're a natural for that show you do a great job and it's a very entertaining piece of work congratulations and best of all i'm not your competition exactly uh we have to pause for a commercial ladies and gentlemen say goodbye to our friend charles we'll be right back [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] let me try it i don't know a lot of songs that's a problem right happy trails to you [Music] keep smiling until then happy trails to you [Music] until yeah chuck grodin please stop singing please [Music] [Applause] that's that old pina colada that's right went on to write some broadway uh music edmund drew edward drewd when drew edward all right please stop saying that i couldn't have said it yet man captain dave this is my first mate paul aye aye cap hey yeah there you go uh our first guest was uh has dedicated his life to entertaining america god bless him you starred in the heartbreak kid now there was a great movie do you ever see that that one yeah new man with um and she was civil shepherd civil shepherd that's right that's right uh he was also in the motion picture heaven can wait with uh warren beatty yeah and uh all of the beethoven movies with uh with bonnie hunt and the dogs that's right and now he is currently hosting his very own program on cnbc one of them cable deals ladies and gentlemen please welcome the always agitated charles grodden here we go is [Music] charleston ladies gentlemen [Applause] got i've got uh as he has he like fleetingly mentioned a show my own show it's a nice show which is by the way beating him in the ratings on the his repeats what do you want on the e cable right and that's why he says he's got but enough about that i was asked to do a you grant joke is this true a huge you know to come down to the microphone like you're having people come down well that's right and i was supposed to come down and say david you know i want to apologize i was caught in a car in sunset boulevard and he was going to say uh no that wasn't charles that wasn't you charles that was wishful thinking that was the joke right yeah [Music] and and clearly clearly i should have done it yeah wow cause that's a pretty good laugh you know i didn't even do it just intelligent but i just want to say i didn't want to do it and his staff was extremely aggressive to me to try to get me to do it and i'm i just want to say i think that his taste level sucks and uh and i'm on a higher level that's why i'm on cable i can't you know not enough people are interested in higher levels they're more interested in you know sucking anyway um i'm very happy to be here and it's a great pleasure and this man thank you uh this man actually makes you feel at home now here here's here's what's here's what's really nice sit down can we just please sit down and get on with the show just one more second here's what's really happening when i come on this show they say don't sit down he's doing that as a bit but don't sit down stand up and because you know you have to follow the circus-like atmosphere that is that is your show now right used to be conversation but it's not now bits and no did you not ask me if i could catch a frisbee in my mouth i saw it on your resume and i thought what the hell let's try it now charles i know you're just kidding around there but you know it occurs to me in all of the years that you've been nice enough to favor us with a visit both on this show and also the other show we used to do at nbc i really i honestly don't know much about you your background your family where you're from your history or you as a man really so if you can wait let's just start where are you from where were you born why would i answer that question you have no interest in this whatsoever yes you just a second ago you came out here and assailed me that we don't have genuine conversation and now i'm trying to invoke some of that and you're just yeah but you can't just say i'm trying to invoke you have to actually be interested in a guest sits there and feels at whether there's interest you have no interest you want to frisbee in there oh he can do it they asked me if they had a fiery rink you know the lions and stuff jumped through they want to know if i would like just not not leap through but like just jump through a no no oh shut up you're lucky to be here he's right oh now now so all right where were you born i wasn't born now charles i wasn't born i immigrated here from a nearby planet now where were you involved i did what's your home state i i look come on it's that's too personal where did you go to school you know i had private tutoring it didn't take [Laughter] no i think that's a good do you have a family are you a married man you have kids i'm actually a neighbor of yours as you as you well know right we live nearby and i've never seen him he won't do you leave the house no i mean this is something the audience really would like to know do you do you ever go out yes i do now where would you actually go out and see other people socially well on on weekends i go do my volunteer work at the hospital well that's lovely but but do you i i've actually cause i know some of the same people he does and i and i know for a fact that before he will see you socially there's like a written and it has to be signed agreement on just what who's going to be there when he's going to come and when other people are right no no you're not when's the last time you went out socially oh gee 62 63. he's not kidding me to see the beatles do you have any you have any personal social friends who are not on your payroll i have plenty of friends who are not on your payroll as an entertainer but as a person you know anyone who's not on your payroll you're friendly with yes many many people is the my volunteer fire paul newman or someone right no i wasn't going to say that but that'd be cool though if you were hanging around falling but i'd be fine you know paul knew yeah hang around really what's he like he's great what do you guys do when you get together just like you know drink beer yeah that's after you're done trimming his hedge yes wait a minute wait a minute hold it hold it right there you're too big to trim someone's hedge i trim my friend's hedges i don't have a problem with that i mean that's why you don't have any friends you're not i'm not going to come over to trim your hedges i have plenty of friends who well you don't need to i'll show you upstairs i haven't been there with somebody you guys weren't the guy i know you're a friend but you're working we got them in the rolodex right yeah again we got them upstairs those two guys from chippendale how's the uh how's that they're very nice not sure i met them in the makeup room look at this okay we have to pause here for a commercial announcement when we come back we're gonna throw some crushed ice on him we'll continue chatting with charles [Music] [Applause] [Music] do [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] hey how are you ladies and gentlemen welcome back to the late show right here on cbs it's our good friend charles grodin right here kathleen quinlan a fine actress have you ever worked with kathleen kathleen quinlan uh was supposed to be a guest on my show seriously i think about two days ago and and then they told me she canceled and i asked why and they said she didn't feel she'd be comfortable around me [Laughter] i would like to sit over here i'd like to sit over here when she comes out and see if she is charles i'm getting the feeling uh i i i watch your show as often as i can and but i'm getting the feeling here maybe it's taking a turn are you are you hostile to your guests no are you a gracious host oh yes because i can remember one time you were on the radio talking about how i really wasn't a host i was just a punk looking to make jokes no i didn't say you weren't i didn't say you were a punk looking i said you weren't a host right and then you said i wasn't a guest and i said i never said i was a guest but you did say you were what have you yourself learned about hosting how do you treat your guests when they come on if they come on i am i'm nothing well evidently they don't i mean my guest is is your next guest and i really would like to confront her about that i see this exactly i guess there's a poem she was on my show i would say kathleen hi welcome i'm sure you're going to be so you kiss right up to her yeah i kiss right up here i'm totally different on my show i'm extremely nice as a guest you can't be nice yeah but you do interesting you know why stop pointing your finger around i'm sorry is that your tie no it's my neighbors uh and you were going to say what sir i i forgot what i was going to say i was just interested in pointing my finger at you yeah uh but well give us an example of the kind of things you do on your show it's not just a chat and guests i'm very i'm very well we do like two openings that you've stolen for your show what do you mean can we go behind the scenes at cnbc and show what's going on behind see that you're doing that now uh and we do an ass chuck segment i'm sure you'll steal where there were people like they take questions and i answered like where do you get a chassis he built that type of stuff so you do that kind of thing but you wouldn't stand up and say you were arrested on sunset boulevard uh right well i didn't do that somebody asked that question i don't know with unlike you none of my stuff is written and and and i just hear the questions and and i just respond it's ugly okay it's the way it is we lived through this though uh let's talk about them for how long have we been appearing together 15 years you know and we've never liked each other that's not that's not true no we have never exchanged like anything like how are you backstage well that's not true either well what have you said i've said how are you backstage that's about it 15 years how are you once he's a very warm person now uh yeah when when uh are are you going to make more emotion pictures no no yes you are no i'm not yes you are no i'm not why why would you say all right i'll make one no i don't want to do that what do you mean you don't want to do i don't want to do it how many films have you made i made about 30 pictures 30 movies so that's a nice career and an excellent body of work you've had some fine films thank you very much and and blockbusters big ones like them beethoven things they went through the roof didn't they i yes they were bigger than that uh jurassic park i've had big blockbuster movies and you know in one year they published i think in one of the magazines like who were the highest paid movie stars and they had like half the people on that list were making less money than me but i wasn't on the list you know why because unlike you i don't have a press agent i don't hire somebody to say oh is charles grodin a big movie star so people don't even know how big i was unlike you how many people do you have working for you in pr no boy but you know if you had pr people then perhaps folks would actually find out what kind of guy you are and then you'd be in real trouble that's exactly why that's right that's exactly you don't want those interviews [Laughter] so now what are you off to now how are you spending your summer again i'm actually hosting my own show tonight at 10 o'clock on the scene we're taping here at 8 a.m this morning i don't know why you're doing it this early [Laughter] and that's right these people are fabulous look at this now will you will you take some time off and relax you go hunting and fishing you go water skiing and i take a bite [Laughter] i'm not interested in going anywhere and seeing anybody do anything or doing anything myself except appearing if i'm not i've been i've appeared about four times if i'm not appearing it's death believe me i've not appeared and i've appeared and appeared is better i'm serious have you ever had a chance to appear appear it's like rich and poor but rich is better appearing is better he's better than that yeah when i leave it when i leave this show i go whoo man i'm so depressed where do i appear next whoa that's right in a second how are you at hey dave hey dave excuse me dave is that not a description of you what's that that you're you're happiest out here no i know i'm always happy i have a smile on my face and a spring in my step and a song in my heart paul what a day this has been [Music] what a rare mood i'm in why it's almost like being in love [Music] you're not a and we actually had peter paul and mary today hey they're good peter paul and they're good not that you're they're going to be that was good yeah they did they did i performed with them uh pop the magic uh peter paul mary and charles that's no problem havoc what's we did that all right i know you got to run thanks for being here yeah you do you got to go charles road [Music] you

Channel: Don Giller

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Id: rA7r1tUvYnQ

Length: 80min 42sec (4842 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 06 2021