Charles Grodin Collection on Letterman, Part 4 of 7: 1997

[Music] [Applause] [Music] how you doing ladies and gentlemen paul schaefer and the aristocrats later on the program z show the world's only performing goldfish it sounds a little like i'm beating a dead horse doesn't it no no you know in the old days by the way that would be entertainment for television before before the fcc stepped in they'd have you know tonight we beat a dead horse but no you can't you can't do that anymore because you know it's america that don't go maybe in canada who knows i like having this uh next guy on the show because he always comes out and uh don't make any difference he always offends somebody yeah it's fun it's funny he comes out here and people get pissed off i just love that right you know when he's not making one delightful beethoven movie after another our first guest is the host of his very own successful talk show on cnbc please welcome back charles grodin charles [Music] easy how you doing all right well you look great you look nice that's a very nice jacket is that is that camel hair so this is very nice what is that that is camel hearing oh it's a beautiful jacket how about a nice hand for the jacket the baseball pitcher he's been talking about who's the met pitcher who can't sleep and is having all these problems he's a very close friend of mine and i'm a major met fan and the reason he can't sleep and he's having the difficulties he was chewing tobacco and he's addicted to tobacco for several years that's the why he can't do it he was supposed to start the home game the home opener so he's tense and nervous i don't feel this is a subject for uber but he does so all right see already he's already pissed me off see and another thing it's not that easy to come out here and you guys clearly have too much tension between you because he fouls up his lines and stuff it stands two guys don't get along and i don't get along with either of you let me ask you a question you you have the uh the show there the cnbc show uh but you haven't been on this show for like two years two years why is that why won't you come and be on the show i wasn't on for two years because the last time i i honestly felt that i had hurt your feelings i did i did because we were i don't know it somehow came out of uh something that we had we were going to talk about i said in there about being isolated and not getting out and around they were kidding me that i don't and i said but you don't have any friends who aren't on your yeah payroll and you laughed but i think it hurt his feelings no no it didn't hurt my feelings because nothing could be farther from the truth i by the way i don't think i've ever mentioned this before on the show i am a people person it's true i didn't i wasn't uh i wasn't aware of that i wasn't what i like to do on a saturday get up early and go to the mall and just find a nice comfortable bench and spend the day people watching can you give me the name of one friend you have who's not on your payroll uh oh god jeez um enrique no you don't have any do you have any friends that aren't your favorite but i'll tell you something as much as i might have offended you've offended you know it's really offensive to me oh please no no no right now ladies and gentlemen sitting here i am also on my own show hosting my own show on cnbc right opposite him with the same jacket with this jacket no not this jacket not this jacket and and you clearly you clearly don't see me as a threat to your popularity or ratings that you would come on you because larry king wouldn't have me on his show because he sees me as a threat larry king is a bonehead all you need to know there larry larry has been married 18 times i'll start taking larry seriously when he makes it an even 20. we asked if i could be on larry's show right and they said well you know there's a lot of you know there's breaking stories all the time and netanyahu's coming and arafat's coming and there you know and you know it's kind of that way then you look at the show and on the weekend a retrospective of the career of wes sanders yeah exactly i'm telling you yeah uh so are you now i know we've covered this in the past but it's been so long since you've been here will you make more films now are you pretty much ensconced comfortably and uh confident with your television show would you would you use this camera more because when i look this way i look better than when i look the up believe me stay with that and i'll answer the question now do me a favor i i couldn't hear the intro i'm sorry you have access to your intro the intro when you introduced me i don't even hear what you said i'd like to know what you said uh when he's not making one delightful beethoven movie after another our first guest wait a minute hold on a minute wait a minute hold it a minute hold it that's how you said it well yeah that's how i read it here i'll just supposed to get the crowd excited say something what did you say before i came out to get everybody uh looking forward to this dave there you go enjoy that use that on your own show first of all tell me about your show now your show all of a sudden your show is like firing line it's you know it's like crossfire it's it's like one uh serious topic after another and we're changing the show as of monday really i just decided to change it but that's not we really are we really are seriously i'm gonna i'm not supposed to talk about this because you want to make sure it works before you announce it but it used to be more of a lighter fair you know you know what i'm going to do i'm going to come to him that's sanders that's how he got that retrospective for now i'm going to come out and i'm going to say what's on my mind you know like you know issues like regis was on here his issue was that donald duck didn't get uh sufficient attention mickey mouse got too much attention that's just crap what are we talking about that's what he wanted us to talk about but i'm gonna do that and then i'm gonna have like four people and we take questions from all around the country on video i don't know what the questions are oh the people that you get the questions around the country we take them the bureau our different bureau why don't you do it on the phone lines yeah this is like video you see people around the country saying which how do you keep a successful marriage together they asked regis and he said uh he said you how do you do that how do you make a marriage it has to do with your ability to take punishment yeah you know you know that's cute you know it's kind of cute yeah but you know larry king takes calls you know yeah i don't take calls topeka kansas you have a question for liza minnelli you know that kind of thing let me ask you something yeah [Applause] larry king i was just dying to do that i'm saying he wanted to do that regis likes to do you wonder i think i think reed just drove me over here the region well you know where he just likes it altoona go ahead that's right right yeah but thank you thank you uh you're you're knocking i've been on your show for when did you first have it lawrence kansas do you have a question for jane meadows so you have all these bad things to say about regis and according to what you just signed you have nice stuff to say about me how many times have you been on uh larry king's show uh half a dozen times and how many times have you been on my show never never oh excuse me i'm sorry you have a show [Applause] it's an old i'm going to tell you something a couple a couple of weeks ago i was up in connecticut and i was dropped into a little store to do some shopping and a very nice uh very polite very well groomed young man of like 10 11 12 13 years old came up to me introduced me as your son i was completely bowled over and flattered that he would introduce himself as my son to you said he introduced you as my sister you're not my son we've known each other for quite a bit can't trust anything i'm saying tonight but he introduced himself to me as your son is that right yeah seemed like a very nice kid i heard about that and and uh he said i'm i'm charles grodin's son and and it was reported back to me that you said oh good for you yeah i think i think that's what i said and then my wife you know standing over across the place said he thought it would be all right uh for him to come over and say hello since my husband saved your ass 20 times in the past on television yeah you don't know what that but i have yes forgive me and it's like you have a close family you know a close family yeah you're all together are you looking to come to be with a family no no i just i just we don't this this is back on you don't have any friends not on the payroll you're up there you want to hang out with me you know what we could do we could chase squirrels you have squirrels up there you want to chase squirrels someday if you catch it you can eat it oh boy well yeah see i knew that would get you yeah oh or in my case you can't make a hairpiece out of it you can yeah let me see put your head down that's not bad you look great look great let's uh give us a tease about the big show what's coming up what do you get we're really going i wanted to do this a long time you've been doing stuff all along people like your show thank you very well thank you thank you thank you thank you you over there thank you particularly it's the best thing it's the most exciting thing it's ever you ought to get on there every night and just try to piss somebody off just every every night i just do that here and i hope no one thinks that i'm actually like this we're just friends and you're just kidding we're just getting around because ladies and gentlemen the reason i do this if i didn't do this i'd come out and say hi he'd say hi he'd say how's the show going i said great i really enjoy it we don't want it i feel it's a real privilege to have a show like this he says so how many days are you doing you know we won big time you know we want vince mcmahon you can't do that you can't but a lot of people do television they say you know i'm so excited my new movie is opening in may i'm so excited it's such a wonderful time to be going directly i love the director and i love you and i love the audience exactly all right anyway uh so anyway the uh what are we gonna do we'll be back oh i think you have to leave now is that right did you see what i'm saying you see what i'm talking about you're a lovely man thank you you're really a lovely man thank you you had a great film career i hope you i hope you consider making some more films because you're just terrific thank you very much one of my favorite one of my favorite actual legitimately funny actors thank you very much i'm uh i'm not going to do any more movies but never ever no i'm never going to do that again i've really found the right thing that you would be doing or what doing what you're doing squirrels no the thing you did with deniro we did that with deniro do it with me now do it with you like number two all right the three of us the four of us me regis who's we leave de niro oh yeah no no i think de niro left himself out of that group uh well charles i'd love to go on talking with you all night for a second we were going through but you have to i know you have to catch a uh would you find would you feel that i was ripping you off if i did a top five list i mean my show's cable i think the world are you and your daughter is your daughter still on the program my daughter is on the show and she's appearing and i think she's going to be appearing here as a stand up good good for you all right we'll see uh i don't know i agree completely we'll get acquainted at the question all right charles grodin ladies and gentlemen we'll be right back with david alan grier [Music] [Applause] [Music] you know cable subscribers everywhere know our first guest as the host of his very own television talk show here he is one of the greats a legend in this business charles grodin charles [Music] [Applause] [Music] so [Music] charles where hey where the hell are you doing charles get over here buddy come on this is not cable we can't waste time it's working wait a minute what's the matter you know here a lot of people don't want to come on the show because they feel that he's he's not nice or afraid to come on and stuff like that and i'm not because i've been coming on for many years thank you very much charles yeah but that's not what you just said when i came on he actually he said he said go he said go yourself that's not true yes he did is that that's what he said he just said go screw yourself did you not no i didn't did you not no you're making did you not no i'm asking you did you say that no i did not say that i'm not i'm not the kind of man i'm not profane i wouldn't have said that no i have nothing but the highest respect and regard for you did you not just say go screw yourself when i walked out here just now you did not say that did not i totally misheard that i'm sorry i heard that idiot idiot right here right here this is a this is a copy of the last time i was on the show this is my in introduction verify that right my introduction and on the bottom of it it says and he signed it he said to charles all the best i took this to a celebrity auction thing and since he's got that number three billboard they wouldn't give me anything for it i didn't get anything for it all right well i didn't get anything oh take care take care of that now great i'm working at country fair charles sit down here you know i was uh talking to a member of our staff a couple of weeks ago about uh the heartbreak kid oh what a piece of work that was do you have any memories of the heartbreak kid that you'd like to share with us tonight what a what a fine film what a nice piece of acting can you hear me uh no what do you mean no i don't have any memories to share with you but it must have been very exciting for you to work with we we go over and detail everything i say before i come out here and that is not on that list anywhere that's not there and i didn't say that maria when you talk about memories i told you i'm telling you uh all right let's talk about uh your uh cnbc show how's that going pretty well isn't it yes it is thank you david [Applause] how many of you people uh primarily know me is like say from the beethoven movie so many and and how many how many of you would you say know me from the movie midnight run with robert general and oh i'm setting myself up here wait a minute the next question was how many of you know me from the cnbc talk show [Applause] what is this your own little focus group or something do your research over at your office will you you get to get some phone solicitors working i don't have time for this kind of thing get a gallup poll for god's sakes charles how are you good to see you i'm glad you asked now let's talk a little bit about something yeah let's talk a little bit about the show is it always in flux is it always changing or always fine-tuning it honing it tweaking it making it better making it taking in one direction in another direction it's like a living organism isn't it it's always growing and changing it has to be because you're a living organism yourself now now you understand why when i come out here i don't let him talk something wrong that's a pretty good question i thought it is a living organism that's growing and changing because i'm a living organism myself uh you don't have to get pissy about it here's the new thing we have a new thing there's a new element on my show it's on cnbc at 11 and once we're actually i'm on when i'll come out here i'm on the same time you can see me on a couple places i'm in the movie on twitter who else is on the show run down the line up for us gwen on the cnbc show who's on who is on the network there who else has a show on the net rivera geraldo rivera rivera that's uh he's working on the lyndberg kidnappings he geraldo has bruno hoffman next week as a guest and very good booking and brian williams uh right with the news right after he's a pretty boy yeah uh after her all and before geraldo is uh i'm after brian williams and before gerald was chris matthews he's a very hard-hitting guy never heard of him very hard-hitting you in fact you might do well to watch some of chris matthews because you could be if you were a little harder-hitting wouldn't hurt does willard still have a show well scott yeah the birthday hour or something didn't have a show over there where people would call in and he'd wish him maybe people call in and he wishes them a happy birthday it's you know it's a building show it's not where they want it to be right now if they feel in time when enough people get to hear about it then it will grow as the population gets older yes and they're counting on that and it is inching up in the ratings but the point i'm making here charles is that you you are the anchor of that network you are the the the when you say cnbc you'd say that's right you're the only brand identification they're alive no nobody you know we're all tired of mr mustache no he's fabulous investigating his mustache you know but he found it uh so anyway tell us about that anyway the new element is this one you know this this this really this bad thing because i'm friendly with uh with kathie lee and frank give it actually i've been to their house and you're supposed to be but you know that doesn't stop you from doing jokes but i'm not doing jokes i'm not you you know i i felt bad about but i did you know what we learned one of the things that happened this is this actually happened it evidently is legal to tape something like that because they had the permission of the woman you can actually in other words if you go into a hotel room and the man or woman you're with chooses to let some magazine tape whatever you're going to do in the hotel room it's not illegal evidently because they've got it and they're broadcasting it and everything well yeah but it seems to me like there ought to be some law that was broken here somewhere well maybe there is but that's the new element of our show uh we're since you can vid we've if we make for example your girlfriend and i in our office has been in touch and uh we've got her permission to to tape in fact we've got it we've got you what are you saying exactly i'm saying i'm saying that we we've got all we have on you we've got you in the shower it's no big deal we got you at your home right having a shower and it was just a long lens no no we we did you use the wide angle that was my segment depending on what i was doing no no we've got that showering you know what got me though about you because i don't know if how many of you are familiar with the climb every mountain yeah it's not divine this guy alone in the shower is going to be singing uh and that surprised me that's what you were saying climb every mountain yeah well so what you did then you did appetite yeah yeah i mean i was surprised you know come on rob ty and we have you singing tide first this yeah she's in plants a kiss on the shore paul not even paying attention what else is uh going on in the show charles charles charles we're done let's move on you haven't you have a band on your show yes we have a a 40 piece uh oh yeah nobody could afford a 40-piece van yeah never forty people how's your family your family well what do you mean is there anything on that list that says anything about my family i can't inquire as to the welfare of your family you're just that you're an anecdote in our house you know this is true the last time i was on this video this is true he ran into my wife and and son yeah who was an a i guess kid i was very impressed with that he came and he's in a store up in the area you know what i like about the your son what's his name jared i work here you're trying to what's his name what's your son's name is it jerry nicky nicki yeah and he was with uh a lovely woman that's my wife my wife yes and he comes right up to me and he says he puts out his hand he says mr letterman i'm i'm a jerry grodin charles grodden is my father it's a pleasure to meet you i was very impressed he has excellent manners very courteous very polite young man and i shook his hand and i said no no no no you said uh i gave him a phone he said good for you i didn't i didn't you said good for you like oh good for you and my wife he did he did and my wife called out who's not an aggressive person but under the circumstances said he thought it would be all right if he came over and said hello because i've been you know i've been on this show for for 15 years and many times consider you're a great friend and he's really you know dying it's there's no laughs at all and i've come out you know so you think you could say hello to my kid be honest with us here and he said good for you you know but after my wife said it was he thought it'd be okay if he came over he was very nice after you didn't even look up to see my wife no no no no no no because you're not that aggressive i said good for you i did i just thought because i have such high regard for you and here i've met the the this fine young man because he isn't he is let me tell you something here i'll tell you something go ahead snotty snotty go ahead a lot of the kids today are punks yeah this was a very nice very courteous polite young guy yeah and so as a result i i rewarded him because you gotta you gotta punish him you punished him good for you no you said oh good for you okay i did not anyway you're an anecdote i think this you're an example this is an example look how long he's willing to talk on this bit because he's in brought it up because you're in the bench this thing is going to go up for her not on the page who brought it up i didn't say how's my family you set out can i get you a mint well now say something about the show tell folks what's going on in the show it's a you know i don't know if anyone's interested in like entertaining television late at night what oh i'm sorry i i really i really didn't mean it that way i'd like to be on the show sometime i'm sorry we're booked [Applause] now you're gonna have to go to a commercial great you got a song no oh i just like that line yeah what do you know the girls will be here anyway yeah anything else you want to say before my new movie is opening you know playing i don't know anything you know why did you ever do another movie never you know were you what oh i'd like to i like it yeah yeah yeah i'd like to be on the silver screen that would be great why don't you do that now sit here and do the show sure maybe i'll be the host would that be so terrible in two weeks later i was in the hospital you had the show and now if i say it to you would it be so terrible you take a couple weeks off for the summer i consider i can keep it cooking i can read jokes too [Applause] anyway now i i said i said as i was waiting to come on i said you know not that many people would think that you know they think oh you're going to come on the letterman show you're right agreeing you know this is this is not this is like this is like the reason this is one of the major reasons to be alive to be able to come out here and and sit here with this with this guy because because oh my god because i'll tell you something i'll tell you something the air conditioning the air conditioning vouch for me is so pleasant like going up everywhere pleasant in this room and i really appreciate the opportunity to experience ladies and gentlemen [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] i want to say one thing we don't want to leave people with the wrong impression because we've known charles grodin for a long long time and he's been on the show many many times and every time he comes out here there's always something interesting taking place i just want you to know one thing from my heart seriously know this about charles he's a pain in the ass i want to set the record straight there henderson and gentlemen right there marvin vinnie thank you very much keep up the good work buddy keep up the good work nice going thank you ladies and gentlemen here in my left hand is tonight's top 10 list let's take a look at that [Applause] [Music] the category tonight top 10 good things about performing a concert for the pope it was it was announced uh earlier this week that the bob dylan will actually be uh performing for a pope john paul ii september 27th at the world eucharistic congress in bologna italy good gig that eucharistic council that's a good gig ain't it what what is this excuse me hello hello we're right in the middle hello yeah we're right in the middle of the show uh yeah dave who is this dave al hermann from the home office just uh just a heads up uh buddy uh the uh the top ten tonight between us uh not that funny all right thank you very much all i appreciate it yeah thanks for looking out the heads up buddy i [Applause] wow apparently we have a home office uh anyway the category top 10 things pope john paul ii uh top 10 good things uh about performing a concert for the pope there you go and uh see what that al knows that we don't top ten good things about permanent concert for the pope here we go number ten post show party at vatican city hooters oh yeah number nine you suck doesn't sound nearly as bad in latin number eight if he likes the show he'll let you break the three commandments of your choice number seven hope always a good sport about getting hit in the head with a beach ball number six cool to see bishop show up in full kiss makeup number five standing ovation when you tear a picture of sinead o'connor number four unlike the dalai lama pope doesn't get impatient during the long drum solos number three get to see firsthand when they call him the stage diving pontiff why they call him the stage diamond pontiff number two you don't exactly have to compete with him for groupies and the number one good thing about performing a concert for the pope half the crowd is loopy on [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] incense i had no idea ladies and gentlemen we're going to pause when we come back lawrence fishburn [Music] [Applause] [Music] from [Music] [Music] my sole guest tonight is david letterman and i have been a guest on david letterman's show for 15 years and tonight is the first time he has agreed to appear as a guest on this show even though he has appeared on other shows he's a i think he's appeared on larry uh ms larry's last name clary king and tom uh tom's last name uh but tonight he will be my my my soul guest and it got me to thinking about all the times over the years that i've been a guest and when i was the first the first time i ever appeared on a as a guest anywhere was on a show was in the mid 60s i had directed an off-broadway musical called uh hooray it's a glorious day and all that was the title and i appeared on an fm radio show it was called broadway after dark and the host was bobby maurice and i went up to bobby's apartment it was up in the uh west 90s up in the area where that i lived at the time and his living room he had a few microphones and uh there were three or four of us around this microphone of broadway after dark with bobby maurice and at the end of the show where it came out that i was promoting this off-broadway musical the other guests on the show gave me their pictures and resumes so i said to bobby before i you know put my coat on and let bobby um this fm radio show you have here where is that uh uh how widely is that heard uh and he said uh what street do you live on so i live on west 92nd he says we we get as north as west 57 so i didn't quite get up to my uh street with bobby maurice and then later that same year my first television appearance on the joe franklin the legendary joe franklin television show and he introduced me and now this is an off-broadway musical that didn't run and he introduced me as uh the hottest young director uh in new york and for that brief moment i thought i was the hardest young director you know they say it to you know this and i realize that that's what joe did one of the reasons he was on the air for 40 years and then around 1973 i had just opened in my first leading role on a br in abroad in a movie heartbreak kid and i uh i was going to appear the idea was that i should now start to appear on television to help promote the movie and i was told to expect a call from somebody named bob dolce who was a talent coordinator for johnny carson and the tonight show and i was in my apartment at the upper west side and bob dolce called and we chatted for about 20 minutes and had a really good time at the end of which he said to me you're a very interesting guy i think you'd make a very good guess on the dick cavett show and it's nice to have talked to you i put the phone down and i thought about it a minute not even realizing that i was auditioning i hadn't realized that the whole phone call wasn't audited i just didn't know i was it was the first kind of pre-interview that i had ever been exposed to which we don't do on the on this show david letterman has not been not only not been pre-interviewed but not even told anything about what i will talk with david letterman about tonight and i called bob dolce back and i said uh wait a minute uh basically you're saying i should be i shouldn't be a guest on tonight's show what is it you require to be a guest on tonight he says well do you have any funny stories and i said yeah i got funny stories i didn't i wasn't aware that when we were talking you won and i told them some funny stories and they flew me out immediately and i was on the tonight show for the first time in 1973 in january of 73 at seven minutes to one at that time it ran from 11 30 to uh to one and i followed uh a medley uh from diana ross in her greatest hits and it brought the house down and i entered seven minutes to one uh following this huge star diana ross at the time and uh and then three weeks later uh johnny carson asked me back and that time i was on it ten minutes to one i would give him ten minutes instead of seven and then the next day i was uh in my hotel room and uh i get a phone call that johnny carson wanted to put me under contract which i was astonished i did i never i didn't know such a thing existed and the idea would be i would be on every three weeks with johnny carson and i think he had done it once or twice before with joan rivers and david steinberg in all those years it was incredibly flattering and then i went on with johnny and but very quickly i began to be self-conscious about just having these pre-interviews and telling stories that were arranged and all of that and and i started to do something else i started to just kind of go in a different direction not talk about myself not talk about promoting anything but for example if i came on and the audience hadn't been that responsive prior to me coming on i would say to johnny you know this is not really that great an atmosphere for comedy and you know why don't we run a clip uh of a previous appearance where i you know was getting laughs and i i don't johnny says who i've seen spoken to about this with since because i wrote about this one of my books and he took exception he says he didn't ban me johnny claims he did not ban me but i didn't appear with johnny for like a year at a time two years at a time and i appeared with all the other uh guest hosts in fact at one time they considered having me be a guest host and then but they thought i was kind of i may be too strange uh to be a guest host and that kind of that idea that idea uh went away and then uh at some point johnny told me this i think i don't know if it was on camera off camera says you know i never knew what to do with you and then i realized i could do anything with you and that opened the door for what i've been doing on talk shows with johnny carson uh from that time on of of anything anything i could do anything he would ask me a question and i would say i can't answer that question because you don't really you're not really interested in the answer all you're interested in uh is making the money and taking it back home to malibu and he says you're absolutely right that's true i have no interest in your answer so i started to do that and a lot of people thought that was kind of weird and strange and i was difficult and right around at this time on the scene emerges david letterman uh actually chosen by johnny carson to be the person following johnny carson on nbc so by the time i first started to appear on david letterman 15 years ago this is what i was doing and developed with the relationship with johnny carson so let's run a clip bridget of the uh of the type of stuff that i almost that i immediately started to do is a little montage of what i started to do just create conflict problems is what i did because i didn't want to promote or talk about myself i thought i mean who cares really but this is what i did let's say if you with david letterman over the years this is the conflict a montage if you would bridget she's like your wife in the film isn't he is my wife yeah that's good [Music] so anyway that's all true it's nice out here it's cool it's warm backstage but it's cool out here did you did you leave your medication in the dressing room do you have any medication you know you said something very insulting to me and i let it go right by that's the kind of guy i am that's how gracious i am you said i haven't seen your show in four or five months well let me tell you something pal hey now wait a minute what started to happen was we began to watch the show realizing you were grinning you were grinning and smiling a lot for no understandable reason and we started instead of enjoying it starting to get edgy as though we were in the presence of maybe you know i mean it's in the nicest possible way early dementia i'm sure it's not but it's really nice to be here here is a here is a clip from my uh you know a lot of people said david letterman he's mean he's this and then i never found him that way with me but here is a a a clip of my last appearance uh with david letterman if you would bridget [Music] charles where hey where the hell are you doing charles get over here buddy come on this is not cable we can't waste time it's working wait a minute what's the matter you know he a lot of people don't want to come on the show because they feel that he's not nice or afraid to come on and stuff like that and i'm not because i've been coming on for many years thank you very much charles yeah but that's not what you just said when i came on he actually he said he said go he said go yourself that's not true yes he did is that that's what he said he just said go screw yourself did you not no i didn't did you not no you're making did you not no i'm asking you did you say that no i did not say that i'm not i'm not the kind of man i'm not profane i wouldn't have said that no i have nothing but the highest respect and regard for you did you not just say go screw yourself when i walked out here just now you did not say that did not i totally misheard that i'm sorry i didn't tell him i was going to do that either we i just said to let the cameraman know i'd go anywhere but he didn't know i was going to do of course he didn't say it and now here's here's the last clip i want to show when it first came up the idea that i might have a talk show this is what took place if you would bridget you can do everything you write to plays you write to i could also host a talk show oh it takes a mighty big man to do that charles yes well we'll see ever since it's been announced that i'm going to do my own talk show i'm coming out later and later on this show and that's the first time he ever said and tonight stupid patrick charles groves you know this didn't happen until they announced i'm doing my own show you're the only talk show host that i didn't get a gift from when that was announced so don't tell me this is i just gave you 10 damn dollars what do you want well david letterman has a billboard up on broadway that says he's number three when he was number one he chose not to have a billboard and uh the only reason he's not number one right now is the network that he's on cbs doesn't give him enough lead in uh power or else he would be number if he was on nbc in my opinion he would be number one and i'm a fan of jay leno as well so tonight we're going to be talking with david letterman a man who has walked among us for 15 years uh and we really don't know who david let well he hasn't he hasn't literally walked among us because he doesn't leave the house but we will try to learn tonight who is this enigmatic david letterman and we'll be joined by david letterman when we come right back be right back david can i have a uh a sound check and multiples of four please one two no no no excuse me david yeah multiple 4 8 12 16 can i'm sorry i went to a state college 4 8 12 16 20 24 28 32 36 40. excellent thank you thank you thank you thank you i want to get a i want to get a couple of uh essentials out of the way first uh are you talking to me yes what is the uh your insurance my insurance yes i think it's uh allstate or or farmers is it a group plan or uh yeah it's group should be a total package it's the umbrella package term whole life all right all right uh and how long since your last uh television interview please um it's been a while it's been a while i think the last one might have been good lord i don't know oh it might have been uh tom tom how long about about a year about a year so it's been a year since you've been since my last interviewed on television yeah all right and are you are you taking any medications no no medication whatsoever no although here talking to you i feel drowsy [Laughter] i'd like to just to say a word to the audience uh please you know uh your birthday 4 12 47 and your height six two really yeah your weight one seven zero mother's maiden name uh hofert i'm sorry hofert h-o-f-e-r-t what's the uh what's the derivation of that i believe that's um let's see what would that be that would probably be um i think german any swiss in there might be letterman is a dutch name my father uh excuse me david david please just answer the question okay i'm sure and uh in case of an emergency who do we uh contact um well i think the people at cbs because i'm certain they would be the last to know right and uh and when did you last eat and what did you eat uh you know this morning i had one of those power bar things that's all you've eaten today and some grapefruit juice together um kind of coincidentally yes but not by any grand design i've been to the dentist today too as well yeah for what what type of thing i'm having a uh filling replaced does your coverage uh take care of that that's a cash deal that's a strictly cash thing i see how many uh how many fillings would you just generally speak how many fillings do you think you have i'd say i probably have a half dozen on the bottom and maybe four on the top how many on the top i'd say four total maybe of 10 a dozen at the most is that is that the average for a man your age i don't know i think it's probably higher it's certainly higher than i would like but as you probably know when you get yourself on one of these schedules you don't you don't have a lot of time to do the kind of personal maintenance a person might want to you have bathed today do i have what you have bathed today yes i have yes i have is that a shower or a bath that would be a shower i find it invigorating as well as relaxing and would you describe your feelings as we uh get ready to begin this interview uh i'm saying saying a silent prayer that did that you know that we were i was under the impression we were nearly half finished all right we will begin oh that wasn't we haven't begun no we were getting that we we we've been on but i haven't gotten i just wanted to get some essentials uh established for the audience because people don't really know who you are and i wanted to get that clear you know okay all right well then i'm ready to go then okay now where were you born please indianapolis indiana st vincent's hospital what time of day please i think it was early morning and what is the extraction of of of letterman you said is is your father uh i believe that's dutch dutch i think letterman is a dutch name yeah you think i believe so when i was in holland uh looking through the phone book uh you know out call service that kind of thing i came across um the name letterman in in the white pages there why were you in holland i was there years and years ago to see uh the uh went to a formula one race at uh in belgium at the frankersham spa you did yeah what do you now what would you be doing if you weren't doing this if i weren't talking to you right now yeah what would you be doing normally i'd be asleep under the house under the house under the house yeah was there is there an area under there you can crawl in the crawl space a crawl space in there yeah and you're you're comfortable there well it's the only place i find on my property that that uh stops the radio waves and invading my brain i see and it is there's quite a bit of that isn't there oh is it you don't need to tell me i mean you're no stranger to this no and your father's occupation my father's occupation where he owned a flower shop he did and uh and your in your mother was a homemaker uh yeah homemaker and also helped out um at the store and was for a while was a kino runner what is that that keno runner you know when you play the keno and she comes and picks up your slips offers you a cocktail i see all right and explains the game the odds that sort of thing you have siblings yes i do and would you describe their names uh i will describe their names charles i'll describe the one name as a little like the name janus a little like the name's hannah yeah a little and i'll describe the other one's name as a little like the name gretchen i see you have two sisters i would uh take oh i'm sorry i thought we were talking about siblings forgive me come on let's get going there now do you i will in a moment this is the whole show though so i want to do some establishing stuff right do you miss anyone do i miss anyone um yeah sure i miss a lot of people sure i mean you miss your sisters well i just i spent some time with my sister and her family a couple of weeks ago so i can't really say that i i miss them uh but we had a nice time you know what what'd you just do there with your nose i think i i nervously uh kind of just pulled at it like that are you nervous i'm uncomfortable right why because you think this isn't going well no well it's not going at all now many times when i've spoken to you and you can see i'm speaking to you in a different manner than i normally do being stern no i don't think i'm being hey we don't use that name on this show by the way but you are you you seem to have a a a great attraction to the subject of grooming you refer to my son as well groomed you always use a well-groomed right why well i mean i make no apologies for uh first-rate personal hygiene why is that something that's important to you yeah or do you consider yourself well groomed well i i do what i can i mean look what i was given to work with consider that what constitutes well groomed what do you have to do to be well groomed nice freshly scrubbed shiny face yeah clean hair you know and what is the word eponymous mane uh eponymous i think i i know this from having heard you explain it i believe it's self-titled like the charles groddenshire because i've been reading the research on you because to tell you the truth i didn't know a damn thing about you uh it said you had two eponymous shows and that's what i thought you might know but you only know that from hearing me described it that's right and you were as a weatherman you you you said that there was hail the size of canned hams was there criticism uh because of that uh if if we continue this line of questioning and moreover this tone of this line of questioning i'm going to have to seek counsel i didn't no one said you couldn't seek counsel i thought you had counsel now were you criticized as a as a kind of an irreverent weatherman i'm back in your beginnings now i i probably so i i think that it was what passed for irreverence in those days by comparison these days is so mild as to probably have gone nearly unnoticed you know that when i look at you and now i'm going to be serious for a minute i realize you're a guy who's been on television for i don't know your 15 years with your show before that you appeared in other things and uh and yet it is true about you that nobody really has any idea what you are who you are what you're like no one ever sees you you don't go anywhere you have said you don't really want to go anywhere where would you go well you know it's a as you describe me or your impression of me to me it puts me in the mind of another popular figure uh zorro you know nobody really knew much about zoro nobody knew that he was there people suspected that he in fact was don diego right but no one knew it for a fact no one could prove it except for a small group of confederates who knew it and guarded that do you think that's a key to the long run of zorro and yourself uh-huh no i mean do you deliberately i mean you don't you don't go anywhere you're not photographed you're not seen anywhere is this part of the mystique of uh you're probably dying to get out but you think that you get out and people get to know you it's all over um mr grodin can i go home now yeah right okay that's good um and now one more question how much time before we go to the break we went to the break right just one more quick what did you just do there again uh nervously it went to my face like that just kind of kind of a marlon brenda that kind of thing who's there with you right now who's off camera it looks like day laborers that you sent over with the with the equipment do you have anybody from your staff there my assistant is here and we have an engineer a pete is here is rob burnett there no sir he's not mm-hmm you don't have to call me sir we're going to go to a break and we'll be right back with david letterman hang with it it's going to get worse [Music] i love david letterman i think he totally revolutionized comedy on television he's one of the best i love his stupid pet tricks i love you david letterman because my boyfriend's 3 000 miles away and you keep me company at night he's really really cute and i just think he's the best late night talk show host there is and and i used that last one even though it upset me a great deal when i saw it i i want you to know well it upset me a little bit too because it's not true and i i appreciate you throwing that in there well we'll throw it in there because there they won't get any of that from me and we're going to go to another break i don't want to come back and it's almost over uh give them some novocaine we'll be right back david chuck so happy to see you two guys together sitting there so comfortably you know i get so concerned when i see chuck on with david on his show i get nervous i don't know i think something's gonna happen any minute but now to see you two relaxed you know what why don't you make a date and visit each other at each other's homes break bread together drink wine have fun hang out together and just relax i love the thought of it and if you have chance invite me along too okay have a great show guys you're the best i love you both but remember she's always watching both of you now what really strikes me uh is how little chemistry we have under these circumstances right uh it you know that it's such a you know when i if i come on and i you know i'm angry at you when i'm on your show seems to work so well but if i'm like trying to be civil and you know just straight forward with you i mean i could just imagine us doing what regis said and sitting there saying how did this happen we're sitting there there's a glass of wine that we're sharing and uh and it's it's deadly why do you think that is well i i don't think that it would be i think that would be great fun i i think the estrangement yeah uh we're both the feeling now has to do with the geographic circumstances but i think oh you mean that it's the first time i'm with you that we're not together yeah that's right well the people the management here couldn't believe that i wasn't going to go over to your office and do this and i said now if i go over to dave's office then i there's you know there's a lot of people that you'll say why not go to this guy's suite when i and i said yeah i'm not gonna you know dick did that and then look what happened you know i'm not gonna like just travel with a crew so that's why i wouldn't come over there you know that's all right yeah it's your show i understand yeah but i feel it too there's a terrible estrangement i missed the 700 people i'll tell you what the problem is for me not to not that it's a problem yeah the grand sense of the word but i'll tell you what the problem is for me i i'm still not sure that we have begun the interview there to me is no empirical data to support this one way or the other well i mean what are you looking for when you when you knew you were going to do this i mean what were you looking for from me i mean when you sit there would you like to be you know you said that you know you don't want to talk about what's personal to you you find that dreary and doll and i'm counting on you not doing that here's what i was looking for here's what yeah here's a as having been in broadcasting for a long time this is what i was looking for to indicate that the interview was about to begin yes i was i was hoping i would hear from you or a technician here in the room something like okay here we go and you didn't get no i didn't really undercut the whole thing that's right yeah uh so i mean there is a place and as you know uh you know you and for that matter regis and i do live in the same proximity many people uh talk show hosts uh phil donahue uh don imus uh i forget there's there's a number of people that live right in that little park jack parr lives right where we all live right and you know i i at a restaurant that i go dinah shore i think used to have a place up there merv has got a place up there well i'm with merv every friday afternoon and um uh mike douglas i think has got a place up there uh i'm i'm seeing mike tonight now now there is a there is a small room there are several small rooms and a restaurant private rooms in a restaurant that i go to that's very close to my house and therefore your house that if that if you wanted to go there with regis i wouldn't go there alone with you because this might happen in person and i couldn't handle that i'm too tense for that right i don't mind you know television but if regis were there you regis and me nobody else except of course a reporter because you know why do that if it wasn't going to be a story uh will i have regis arranged that would you do it um i yeah i would do it as uh as kind of like an experiment well that's what it would be an experiment this is kind of an experiment i'll tell you what the deal is i'm i'm um i'm so fond of you i used to do this with jack parr hal gurney um my beloved director for many many years was also jack parr's director yeah and he would arrange almost exactly what you're describing but you went to jack's house went to jack's house we went to restaurants we you know we had a series of these engagements where we would you know dine and chat and so forth uh and and i just found it uh too difficult to not be disappointing to these people that i finally had to kind of pull out of the little uh social what was the expectation that you felt you weren't living up to well it's the same that uh existed all my life whatever it is it seems to me to be uh unattainable you know they expected something from you you were gonna be hilarious and you're all of that stuff charming and witty and webinar who needs it yeah and i i knew that i couldn't live up to that because as you know from spending time with uh uh jack parr he's very eloquent uh very animated very colorful uh when talking about uh well himself of course there is no other topic when you're talking with jack but he's endlessly entertaining and and of course you know all i had every now and then i'd say jokes room or kitchen you know that way you have to say jack and talk about world leaders right and he does he just probably you know didn't care about he would talk about world leaders you know when they were on his show and then there was the time that's right i mean let's be honest i mean let's not knock jack if you just defined yourself as a kind of a schlub well that's what i'm saying that's the whole point of this i'm saying i couldn't possibly live up to any expectation well let me tell you something i was once at a restaurant and and i it was on i think 72nd and 3rd i don't know if you remember this you were a group of people at one table i was at a group of people with the people at another table and just your presence in that room ruined my evening because i overheard you say you do any more ketchup and i thought oh man let me get out of here this guy is such a well they're progressing wait a minute you and i should get together i didn't say you and i should get i said you and regis to me because if you hang out with regis you're going to get the inside dope on on on kathy lee and what's going on all that behind the scenes stuff that he's not heard about on the air and i know in spite of your shaking your head no you'd love to know what the deal was there no i have no interest and and regis is like a vet animal that's got the wrong injection you know what i mean it's just like oh my god oh geez well put him in and let him cool off and don't call the owners i mean he's like that you know that now when you were in school in college you said you you went out a lot then but you were drunk all the time that's right that was that now the alcohol was the key to overcoming this uh right this failure shortcoming that i have and you're feeling like i'll never live up to what people expect that's me when you come in that's right i think many people suffer from this did you did you stop drinking at some point yes i did you totally don't drink nothing why because i felt it was well for one thing it was controlling my life well i don't mean i don't get drunk you mean you're not capable of having a couple of drinks in an evening no you're not you think you would do more if you did that yes you would consider yourself there for an alcoholic yes you do consider are you recovering alcoholic so far yes yeah and how long since you've had a drink um i guess we're getting near 15 years is that right so that's why you don't do it that's right and do you inject yourself with anything no i don't you don't do anything and yet when you come out on television you're like so lit up and on fire is that just gum or yeah it's gum is that a dentine have you ever had that dent yeah but that sustains you through an hour of television yeah i'm pretty good i mean because you're flying and i look at you sometimes say my god what the heck and it's either but you also you eat some chocolate don't you i occasionally i'll have like fruit or chocolate or some coffee yeah so i would say if you were to meet regis and me just get some yourself some fruit and chocolate and coffee no i wouldn't go and then just sit there and and listen to what regis has to say the the only possible way you could have that conversation with regis and you know this and and by the way i love regis and i think and have said so i'm on record as saying for what you and i do and what he is doing for what we're all trying to do i think regis without question easily the best hands down pound for pound the most entertaining personality on television are you you must feel that i agree i think he's fabulous yeah uh but to be in a social situation with him i would only do it if there were some sort of state licensed official in the room with us and and it was divided into like two or three minute rounds so that every two or three minutes he would someone would come in and settle him down you know we would go to neutral corners and maybe refresh a little bit and then come back in but one straight shot no it would be suicidal uh-huh uh well i want to i want to come back to this because i'm not going to give up on this because i didn't realize that you you wouldn't even have because i understand i mean i i frankly wouldn't want to see you with at least something you know if it's not going to be nothing i have reservations too but let's let's go to a break come back and let's let's revisit this and see what we can do we'll be right back with david letterman what makes david letterman the successor is is the guy has absolutely everything aside from the basic requirement which is an outsized sense of humor and the fastest mouth in the world he's good-looking it's very important he has a beautiful body and he has a wonderful smile and that gap tooth in the middle turns it from just a handsome smile into a slightly goofy smile he can get away with anything as johnny carson could because he has that corn fed indiana naivete a little boy thing uh david i was struck the other night i was watching your show and you've always talked about you know your top ten lists and the home office and all this the home office that in the home office this and you got a phone call right from the home office and and i you know tell you the truth i always say herman i thought the home of al hermann was his name yeah and i always uh i always just assumed the home office was a total joke so but i got from that that there actually is a home office that does provide the show with some material is that the case yes absolutely we uh we get a packet of material bonded courier comes in every morning and uh with what you get in that package you ought to be able to do a fairly entertaining television program each and every day and are there what are their writers at the home what is that i think it's a lot of computer stuff i think that they're able to to with computer modeling and i i'm believe me i'm not familiar with the hardware or the software of it i've just heard the term computer modeling they are able to construct a cyber version of a talk show and then we we get the residue of that the fellow that called the other night i i believe he's new uh i have not talked to him before uh but i'm happy for any input and he seemed like a very nice man so yeah we have a thing where uh once a year we you know fly everybody in and we have a little uh you know reception kind of a meet and greet so i'm sure i'll meet uh mr hermann then yeah at that point i actually for the first time i didn't even real i thought it all it was a joke no it's a pretty big thing and we employ out there in oahu i think about 1100 people wow and so it it helps the economy i think it's a source of pride for them it's a nice place it's you know it's like one of those uh um uh industrial plant kind of you know extended mall sort of thing low two-story building plenty of parking mercury vapor lights it's nice now i you know you you have said that uh that a lot of the people that come on your show and it would be more true of your show than my show or even regis show because you're the with the big audience and uh the present audience and in the viewing audience that they don't realize that it is a performance and they actually literally want to come on and say what they've been doing and what's coming up does not anyone warn them that it is that is not that no one really cares about what you've been doing and what's coming up oh yes i think they're warned yeah they're told straight away i think they signed some kind of a verification that you know they understand that i don't care right they know that we have absolutely no interest and yet some people still come out and insist on saying what they've been doing or what's coming up it's hard to fathom isn't it but yeah today and i got that message after about you know two appearances on johnny carson back in the early 70s that that would be you know the death knull and and then uh and because johnny you know just stayed outside is it now i think it's i think it's nell but again i'm not i'm not sure i'm sorry death knoll you know puts me in the mind of the the grassy knoll yeah it does yeah well we're we're we're suffering enough here we don't have to go to that yes but let me just mention one thing that uh people often ask me as i'm sure they do you well who who are your favorite guests and i always go to you because uh uh the dynamic that you bring to the show for me is perfect you you come in to the theater and immediately uh put me uh on the defensive and i think the audience also is placed on the defensive uh and then we just sort of go from there and and i like that i mean it it gives the impression that you are prepared and we know lord knows you're a busy man you're certainly not prepared but it creates the impression that you are just with this little uh adjustment of your attitude and and i love it and and and i wish uh you could be with us uh you know more certainly more often than you are why is that dave you know you were very generous and you sent me a fax after the last appearance which i appreciate in fact it's framed it's it's not laminated but it is framed and uh why is it that i'm you you say you wish i you know it could be on more often in fact with the facts that you wish i could be on every night right let me let me try uh cite another example by a way of illustrating this point yeah donald trump mr hoo-ha donald trump yeah and and the truth of it is i don't know donald trump and and sort of what i do know of him i think like everybody else you kind of resent because he's wealthy he's powerful and and he thinks he's good looking so you know you have three three reasons to resent the guy and and he hasn't been on the show in a long time and and he was booked to be on the program uh i think after the the the miss junior cub scout pageant or something uh and so i was not particularly looking forward to it just for the reasons i described you and you know it always depends on what mood you're in and so anyway here comes donald trump and he's got something wacky going on with his hair you know they've done some done some wind tunnel thing and you know looking to lower that coefficient of drag on his hair and so he comes in and he sits down and he was great he was just great and i thought well this is funny he's great because here's a guy you can't knock him over you can't you can't dent him he can't wrinkle his suit undeniably he's doing things he's got things that he does he doesn't care about me you know he can live a long happy life without ever being on my show again and he has no problem telling me that so there was that i don't even know exactly what that was but it turned out for me again to be a great deal of fun much in the same way that you're visiting in other words you find most of the guests that kind of resent being there or don't need you i don't i mean maybe that's part of it but i i do i do like the idea that here's a guy you you you can ask him about a million things because here's a guy who does a million things you know and and i can ask you about a million things because you know you've had a long successful uh career and life and show business and you're a lively intelligence and you're an active human and you know that makes it all much more fun a great deal easier yes so anyway uh so why don't i come on more than once every three months i i think you probably uh are busy i'm not busy i'm free come on over well wait we're talking about i'm asking you do you want to have dinner with regis and me and try it once um um okay yeah yeah okay that sounds like a lot of fun it really does to me too i didn't know you didn't drink i you know i i really didn't know that i mean because it's easier to be mr kind of gadfly right mr sort of like oh party party what would you get when you're doing gadfly party party i'm talking about a private room upstairs in a restaurant yeah with with some injections that you've never experienced before it won't violate your non-drinking pledge yeah i went to you know a long time ago i went to uh uh dinner with um don rickles yeah yeah and uh you know that was uh one of the highlights of my life and pretty much the circumstance you're describing right here so maybe you know this is something we can do i don't think you know before the end of the millennium because you know there's going to be festivities there going to be parades there's going to be public appearances there's going to be the big countdown calendar so i think we'll have to wait till then you know the next century but you know let's look at it right in there yeah do you talk to johnny carson at all i haven't spoken to johnny in a year or so a couple of years i think i i think i talked to him on his birthday i believe when he turned 70 is that possible i'm not sure when that was yeah yeah about two years ago yeah and did he answer you [Laughter] we had a little chat we every now and then we exchange notes we exchange uh uh i sent him uh something you know on his birthday each year he uh i gotta hear i don't know whether you've ever gotten this but i got a residual from him uh for the the carson classics tapes that they sell and i got three actually and one was two of them for two dollars and something and one was for three dollars and something and i i sent him a note and said i always like to think i i i was a tiny part of the success of the tonight show i just hadn't realized how tiny and he and he sent me back a note uh that said that that was a bookkeeping error and that was uh overpayment so but does he come east you know i think he was i think he comes east on his way to uh europe when he goes to wimbledon i believe but i i think not not much more than that and when i was with him he he asked if i would be interested in going on a safari with him would you be interested in anything like that no no no i would not you would not know what is it no you know i i you know the question beg the question what you said before you like the guests that attack you are are you attracted to women that disdain you i'm sorry women that disdain you that don't think much of you that don't need you that that don't need to be there is that the kind of woman that's like kind of like catches your eye yeah that's that's interesting i i sort of enjoy that i mean like like anybody else every stupid guy in america every stupid jerky dopey guy still in the back of his mind thinks under the right circumstances might have a shot with julia roberts you know it ain't going to happen but it's it's just guys you know it's just dopey guys you know well you know hell i just well you know she might you know you never know she might like you know get sees me on the riding mower or something you just never know well now you've had her on your show and you seem to be working at that right there on television well she's pretty nice i and i don't believe me i don't understand it but she's been really really nice uh to me into the show has a date ever come out of those appearance with julia or any other lovely woman well you know for me and this is the way uh i'll tell my uh grandkids the story you know for me those appearances are dates with julia roberts you know that's that's as good as it's going to get for me that's the best and believe me i'll die a happy man with that because i get to you know she comes out i get the holder and get that kiss yeah i think on the lips am i right right on the lips i don't know what ups and i'm gonna kiss and after that it's trouble anyway wouldn't you say well no i wouldn't say that i mean why uh perhaps your experience suggests well but you don't pursue it we got 30 seconds why don't you pursue it past that you know she doesn't want me pursuing that you know i mean look at this i mean think of it your julia roberts is like oh maybe this guy no you're right you're right i don't know why i said that anyway we've come to the end of this uh it's it's it's uh it's been it's been thank you very much uh we're gonna take out big ads and run this until the millennium you know it would have been better if you had just let me know we had begun right well i would like we're going to begin in about 10 seconds but anyway thank you and god bless you and your sweatshirt thank you and i'll be right back with a final word david letterman uh for appearing um tonight a very interesting guy a guy that's brought you know so much happiness and laughter to so many people for uh for so many years he kind of wished that all the happiness and laughter for him and i will pursue this idea of getting him with regis and me and get some laughs for him so thanks for watching good night everybody good night mom you

Channel: Don Giller

Views: 11,293

Rating: 4.875 out of 5

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Id: 6rTZGAMhIUs

Length: 74min 1sec (4441 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 06 2021