One of My Favorite "Bernie Mac" Jokes

[Applause] sick of this [ __ ] what type of [ __ ] it is white folks in the house god damn i see white folks man in the house i want to say first off welcome goddammit welcome foreign north carolina [ __ ] man you know i'm so tired i've been shaking hands all my [ __ ] night no no i'm gonna tell you why i'm tired black folks shaking hand white folks different black folks you gotta be in [ __ ] shape show me some love you'll be tired then i'm not ain't the world bad new year's eve 2000 white man's head in the world coming you someone [ __ ] went out about water sardine potting meat soup man 11 30 you were scared like a [ __ ] when you thought you were gonna die for sure 12 o'clock then quit believing everything you got damn here [ __ ] believe in yourself i don't believe [ __ ] until [ __ ] happened you know no no i can't believe [ __ ] kids everybody talking about kids everybody talking about how bad kids is you know it's bad but so you can't say kids bad i said for you this [ __ ] is bad i will [ __ ] a kid up don't get mad at me i'm just saying what you can't say you feel the same goddamn way out here of his kids have got them small for me sassy talk his head shaking and [ __ ] talk to the hands talk to them some from the old school i'll kick a kid ass when a kid get one years old i believe he got the right to him in the throat of the stomach if you're growing up to talk back you're growing up to get [ __ ] up don't tell me all this here uh see ain't the kid it's us see we're some punk ass fans see see we need to [ __ ] ass pants today see we i need to go back to old school cause there ain't no grand mamas no more he's that a [ __ ] ain't no grandma big mama see big mama gone say your grandma now what you're 24 great-grandmama 36 talking about i ain't babysitting [ __ ] she got a hat done nailed done [ __ ] up ass hat dude i'm so sick of my [ __ ] [ __ ] hair dude with the glue on it and don't move and [ __ ] i'm so tired that [ __ ] you know what they lie man you know what black women is different than white women see white women go swimming black women ain't getting no [ __ ] water this [ __ ] gotta last you know black women that [ __ ] that lasts one [ __ ] week i had to when they when black women get their hand nails done you ain't getting no [ __ ] on your ass no they don't even want no sleep they'll sleep just like this here and if you do give him [Applause] blacks don't mess around we different from night and day but we're the same but we do [ __ ] different black people only people to go to work man tell the boss what the [ __ ] we're gonna do i'm not doing [ __ ] don't [ __ ] with me today i ain't come here to work i'm tired my son got shot i'm sick of this [ __ ] you know i lied we funny but i like white people it's not about black and white you know but they do [ __ ] different when they go on break on the job 15 minutes they go to their desks they ate these cheese hounds drink the goddamn tea 15 minutes they back on a [ __ ] job my people i don't know what the [ __ ] is wrong with us i don't know [Applause] when we go on break that's just what the [ __ ] we do [Applause] we break you got to look for our [ __ ] aunt you seen johnny i'm tired you can't keep doing the same thing ain't your body change i'm 42 but i'm in good shape but i'm tired my body weary i can't you know i'm sick of sex why every time i come i'm sick of [ __ ] no i don't know about you i ain't gonna [ __ ] i can't i can't do it like i used to i used to be good i ain't good like that no more my [ __ ] is quick fast my wife go tell him i'm gonna get a young man go get the [ __ ] i don't give a [ __ ] go get him and i'll watch i'll watch wow what they're gonna kill me man it don't take all night to [ __ ] all day 45 minutes for 45 minutes what the [ __ ] am i trying to prove here [Applause] it don't take no all night to get no orgasm three minutes that's all i'm giving you that's all the [ __ ] i got oh i don't care about you talking about me very mad can't [ __ ] i don't give a [ __ ] [ __ ] but i got mine you better get yours if you don't bust a net when i get mine you fresh out of [ __ ] luck with me talk about me all the [ __ ] you want i'm telling you three minutes that's a heavyweight one one-round bout and people don't got knocked out in the first goddamn round you laying there i'm pumping my ass out stomping on that holland busting up so we can go to sleep [Applause] you know anymore i'm tired i'm 42 years old talking about coochie [ __ ] coochie oh sex i'm sick of all that [ __ ] come on do something special bust your put your mouth on me for what you nasty some of my [ __ ] [Applause] you ain't gonna put your mouth on me i asked you to put your mouth on me you get a goddamn attitude i if i want if i want all sex i got to give clues i got to give hints come here put your head right here for a minute you know the incoming attitude what you trying to say i know you ain't asking me to suck your dick in you better get your mama to suck your dick self is some of my [ __ ] [Applause] i like it too then when they do it they try to do this [ __ ] wrong so you can tell them to stop when they finally do it they play they don't know what they're doing real [ __ ] up so you can say oh that's all right i don't say that's all right no i'll let them keep going because they gotta learn they gotta learn that's what i gotta learn then it's funny it's funny because when they do do it you know what we're all grown we all grown here you ever seen when you do get special attention i had a woman one time a long time a long time a long long long time ago [Applause] she was giving me special attention but she was looking dead at me you know what the [ __ ] are you looking at me folks you know i don't know what to say to her what the [ __ ] what you doing a good job keep up the good work

Channel: Walter Latham Comedy

Views: 1,743,368

Rating: 4.8765631 out of 5

Keywords: black comedy, funny videos, black comedians, funny, hilarious, Kevin Hart, Dave Chappelle, Chris Rock, Amy Schumer, laugh

Id: X3nr1xqbsbA

Length: 8min 40sec (520 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 20 2021