HI, AND WELCOME TO
"TRADING SPOUSES," THE SHOW WHERE WE TAKE
TWO MARRIED COUPLES, AND YOU GUESSED IT, MAKE THEM TRADE SPOUSES
FOR A WHOLE MONTH. WATCH THE SPARKS FLY TODAY, BECAUSE FOR THE FIRST TIME
ON OUR SHOW, WE'RE GOING INTERRACIAL. ( man )
DADDY'S GOING AWAY FOR
A LITTLE WHILE, ALL RIGHT ? I'M GONNA LIVE
WITH A WHITE FAMILY. Y'ALL BE GOOD. WHAT YOU GOIN' BE DOIN'
WITH A WHITE FAMILY ? IT'S A T.V. SHOW,
SAY HI TO AMERICA. ANYBODY TRY AND TOUCH
YOUR MOTHER, PUNCH HIM IN HIS (BLEEP). LOOK, SON, DAD'S GOING
AWAY FOR A FEW WEEKS. SO, I WANT YOU TO
BE GOOD, OKAY, SQUIRT ? WHATEVER. I LOVE YOU. OH, ESKIMO KISSES. YOU MUST BE
LITTLE T-MART. WOULD YOU LIKE TO
CALL ME DADDY, HMM ? IS IT OKAY IF
I CALL YOU MR. DEEZ ? MR. DEEZ ? DEEZ NUTS ! I-I DON'T UNDERSTAND. WHAT'S HAPPENIN' ? YOU MUST BE LEONARD. THAT'S RIGHT. CAN I CALL YOU
DADDY ? HELL NO. ONLY YOUR MAMA
CALLS ME DADDY. HERE, MOP TOP, TAKE
MY BAG UP TO MY ROOM. AND IF I FIND OUT YOU BEEN
GOING THROUGH MY (BLEEP), I'M GONNA BEAT YOU
IN YOUR ASS, YOU UNDERSTAND ? HMM. WELL, WELCOME,
IT'S GOOD TO HAVE YOU HERE. IT'S GOOD TO BE HERE,
COME ON, GIRL. OH-- OH, YES. I DON'T SMELL
NO DINNER COOKING. RUN ON, MAKE SOME GRITS. RUN ON. WHAT YOU COOKIN'
FOR DINNER, MISTER ? OH, YEAH, WELL, I'M GLAD
YOU ASKED, LITTLE BUDDY. UM, THIS HERE IS
CAULIFLOWER. THIS IS
CORNED BEEF HASH. AND THESE ARE PARSNIPS. WHAT THE (BLEEP)
IS A PARSNIP ? LEONARD,
JUST SO YOU KNOW, TODD WOULD USUALLY DO
THE DISHES AFTER DINNER. WELL, JUST SO<i> YOU</i> KNOW, HIS ASS WILL BE BACK
APRIL 13th. GO ON,
DO YOUR THING, GIRL. MOP TOP... YOU DO YOUR HOMEWORK ? YEAH. WELL, GO ON UPSTAIRS
AND WASH YOUR ASS AND THEN WE'LL
WATCH MARTIN LAWRENCE. WANT ME TO LIGHT YOUR
CIGARETTE FOR YOU TOO ? YOU BETTER CHECK
YOUR TONE, GIRL, GET YOUR
INSIDE VOICE ON BEFORE I PUT YOUR ASS
OUTSIDE, MM. RACIAL PROFILING ? WHO THE (BLEEP) IS
RENEE "ZELLWEDGER" ? WHAT'S WRONG, SWEETIE ? T-MART'S BEEN
BACK-TALKING ME, AND I NEED YOU TO
TAKE CARE OF IT FOR ME. T-MART... EXCUSE ME,
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. ALL RIGHT. YOU'RE IN BIG
TROUBLE, MISTER. WHAT, YOU GONNA
HIT ME OR SOMETHING ? YOU'RE GOING ON
TIME-OUT. FOR 15 MINUTES, OKAY ? YEAH-- STARTING NOW,
T-MART. TIME-OUT ! TIME-OUT IS SWEET ! HALLE BERRY,
HERE I COME. ( rap music booming ) HEY, MOP TOP ! WHAT THE HELL
YOU LISTENING TO ? IT'S THE NEW 50 CENT. I'M FROM
THE STREETS, MAN. G-G-G-G-G-G...
G-UNIT. COME ON,
GET IN THE CAR. G-G-G-G-G-G... GET YO' ASS
IN THE CAR, GO ON ! WELL, HERE YOU ARE, MOP TOP,
HOME SWEET HOME, THE 'HOOD. ALL RIGHT,
LITTLE FELLA, SAY HELLO TO YOUR
PEOPLE FOR ME. AND TELL 'EM
WHEN YOU SEE 'EM, THAT LEONARD WASHINGTON IS
GLAD HE MADE IT OUT, GO ON. GO ON. G-G-G-G-G-G...
GOOD-BYE. AND IF YOU NEED MONEY,
SELL ROCKS, I HEARD THAT'S WHAT
THEY DO AROUND HERE. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS ? DAMN, BITCH, WHAT'S THIS,
A LIGHT SABER OR SOMETHING ? NIGHT-NIGHT. HMM. DO YOU WANNA HAVE
SEX WITH ME, TODD ? YES, I WOULD
LIKE THAT VERY MUCH. OKAY. OH ! UH, EXCUSE ME. DO YOU MIND IF I TURN OFF
THIS R & B MUSIC ? I KINDA WANNA
HEAR YOU BREATHING. OKAY. ALL RIGHT. UH, DO YOU WANNA TAKE OFF
YOUR PAJAMA BOTTOMS ? ACTUALLY, I'D FEEL MORE
COMFORTABLE IF I JUST PULLED MY PENIS
THROUGH THIS HOLE. I'M SORRY, BABY,
I DON'T GO SOUTH OF THE BORDER. THAT'S JUST ONE THING THAT
LEONARD WASHINGTON DON'T DO. BUT-- BUT, LEONARD,
IT'S OKAY, I'M WAXED. DAMN ! NOW, I DONE HEARD OF
TRIMMING THE HEDGES, BUT YOU DONE
SCORCHED THE EARTH. ( sniffing ) I SMELL YOUR
LIGHT SABER. LIGHT SABER ? ( buzzing ) LEONARD AND I HARDLY
EVEN TALK ANYMORE. THE OTHER NIGHT HE CAME HOME
AT THREE IN THE MORNING. I HAD NO IDEA
WHERE HE WAS. HE USES PROFANITY
AROUND JEFFREY. I JUST DON'T FEEL
LIKE WE'RE SHARING. I DON'T FEEL LIKE THERE'S
ANY RECIPROCITY THERE. ( therapist )
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT
ALL THIS, LEONARD ? BITCH, I'LL NEVER
FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS. GO ON, GET IN THE CAR,
WARM IT UP. THIS IS GOOD,
YOU CAN LET OUT WHATEVER YOU FEEL
IN HERE, LEONARD. ALL RIGHT, I'MA TELL YOU
RIGHT NOW, I AIN'T CRAZY, I DON'T NEED NO
PSYCHIATRIST. AND IF YOU EVER TELL
ANYBODY I'VE BEEN IN HERE, I'LL (BLEEP) KILL YA. IT'S CONFIDENTIAL
HERE, LEONARD. I WON'T TELL ANYONE,
IT'S JUST BETWEEN US. WELL THEN,
CONFIDENTIALLY, I AM CRAZY, AND I'LL
(BLEEP) KILL YA. WELL, IT'S BEEN
A WILD AND CRAZY MONTH. LET'S SEE WHAT OUR INTERRACIAL
FAMILIES HAVE LEARNED. I LEARNED
A LOT FROM SHARRON AND I LEARNED A LOT
FROM LITTLE T-MART. AND QUITE FRANKLY,
I'LL MISS THEM BOTH VERY MUCH. AND FOR THE FIRST TIME
IN MY LIFE... I TASTED BROWN SUGAR,
AND NOT IN MY OATMEAL. ( chuckles ) YEAH, BEING ON THIS SHOW
TAUGHT ME THAT, NO MATTER WHERE YOU COME FROM,
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING ? OR WHAT COLOR YOUR SKIN IS, WE ALL PRETTY MUCH DO
THE SAME THINGS IN LIFE. RAISE OUR KIDS, MAKE LOVE FROM
TIME TO TIME, AND WASH. SPEAKING OF WHICH, I LEARNED THAT WHITE PEOPLE
DON'T USE WASHCLOTHS. DID YOU KNOW THAT ? I'M SERIOUS, THEY HAVE
ONE BAR OF SOAP IN THE HOUSE. EVERY TIME I USED IT, SOMEBODY
ELSE'S PUBIC HAIR WAS IN IT. SO USE THE CLOTH. WHY YOUR ASS GOT TO PUT
THE RAW BAR OF SOAP IN YOUR BUTT AND ALL THIS ? MAYBE I NEED TO WASH MY FACE
OR MY FEET. TODD AND LEONARD ARE
VERY DIFFERENT. ALTHOUGH LEN IS
THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, IN A DIFFERENT WORLD, I COULD
SEE MYSELF WITH TODD. ALTHOUGH THE
PENIS-THROUGH-THE-HOLE THING WAS KIND OF WEIRD. AND I AM MISSING
SOME OF MY DRAWERS. OH... OH, MY GOSH--
HO-HO. TITTY RESIDUE-- HELLO... HELLO ?
I die every time I hear that line.
I smell ya lightsaber
I heard of trimming the edges, but you done scorched the earth.
Mirror
I was bingeing on the Chappelle show on New Years day and two thoughts crossed my mind;
1) A LOT of it still holds up - its one of the best comedy shows of the last 25 years
2) A LOT of it would get people upset and offend them if it was released today. Not me, but I'm just saying.
This was genuis. It's a shame his Netflix special was subpart.