In the Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, you play as
the last Dragonborn. A mythical man, woman, cat, or lizard, that must fulfill their prophecy
of stopping the Eater of Worlds with a wide assortment of weapons, magical spells, companions,
and play styles. But what if you wanted to avoid all physical weaponry. Can You Beat
Skyrim By Only Using Shouts? The limitations of this challenge are the
same as every other weapon-restricted challenge I’ve done. The only way I can damage an
enemy is with Shouts. No swords, no bows, no spells, no scrolls. That’s the only restriction.
I can still use healing spells, I can still wear armor, I can still use perks as I level
up. Fresh out the gate, I’m not even going to
attempt to say that this a normal beginning to the game. It’s not. And I don’t care.
After Other Prisoner made a run for it, I noticed something was off. Someone was dead.
I ignored it and chose an Imperial as my race because they start with +10 to Restoration,
+5 to Heavy Armor, have Voice of the Emperor as their special ability, which calms humanoid
creatures for 60 seconds, and they have a chance to find more gold. I named myself Shouter
McGavin, a ghost from beyond the grave gave the order to send me to the chopping block. The first executionee almost into position,
and that’s when it hit me. The Captain who kicks the soldier’s head onto the block
was dead. With no-one to kickstart the execution, it would never begin. I tried speeding up
the game to see if anything happened. At one point, I had ratcheted it up to 500x speed,
days were passing in mere seconds. It did nothing. At 1000x speed, things got a little
weird. At 10,000x speed, the game crashed. I then started the game anew, named myself
Shouter McGavin v2, and the same thing happened again. I tried just resurrecting the Captain,
but she didn’t actually exist. Then I tried spawning her, but apparently I suck granola
at console commands. Not willing to get fucked again, I reloaded a save from a previous playthrough
where nothing broke, welcomed Shouter McGavin v3 to the world, and Alduin arrived to save
the day. Getting into Helgen Keep was easy enough.
I danced with a bucket while deciding what to do about my primal urges. I wasn’t taking
the amount of damage I thought I should be, so I upped the difficulty to Adept, pressed
onward through the caves, and exited out into Skyrim. The current predicament is that I
have no means of doing damage to an enemy. My only option is to run away. After I stumbled
off a cliff and died, I regained my composure, and set my eyes on the prize. A dragon needs
to die. My options were to find one and try to lure it into a city or mammoths or something,
or I push through the main quest line until the dragon arrived outside Whiterun. That seemed like the more logical choice.
After I stole as many buckets as I could from Riverwood, ventured over the hill to Whiterun,
whined a Giant to death, and persuaded my way into Whiterun. I explained the dragon
situation to Jarl Balgruuf, who dragged Farengar Stupid-Name into the conversation. He tasked
me with tracking down the Dragonstone and returning it to him. I went on baby’s first mountain climbing
adventure until I discovered Bleak Falls Barrow, I got overzealous in my attempt to ignore
the Bandits on the way to Bleak Falls entrance, danced over the nothing, and made my way inside.
I attempted to sneak passed the Bandits inside, which didn’t really work. The arrow trap
in the first puzzle room worked to my advantage. I furiously cranked the lever back and forth
in hopes of solving the puzzle. When the arrows stopped flying, the bad men were dead. And
guess what, in my General Stats page, it shows that I have killed no people. So don’t bother
leaving any stupid comments. Skeevers are as susceptible to a barrage of
arrows as the Bandits were. And then a problem. A problem I didn’t even think about when
I saw that 300 assholes voted for this video. Retrieving the Golden Claw from Arvel the
Swift. So, Arvel needs to be cut down before you can get the claw. But there’s a Giant
Spider that wants nothing more than to slurp on your innards like a Slurpee and use Arvel’s
still alive mouth as a incubator for its babies. Can’t damage the spider without a shout.
Can’t get a shout without getting passed the spider. The spider is restricted to its
little arena, meaning that luring it to the arrows is a no-go. My first thought was to use a glitch involving
a platter that allows you to clip through a wall. I don’t have a platter, but I have
a wooden plate. If you thought for a second that I’d put one of my buckets on the line
in risky maneuver, seek psychiatric help. Believe it or not, the plate worked just as
I thought it would, meaning it didn’t work at all. As I ran around using my asshole as
spider bait, I thought of something else. I don’t have to kill the spider, I just
have to cut down Arvel. The good news is that Arvel doesn’t take
damage when swinging away at the webs, and if you’re careful, the spider will be positioned
behind you and also won’t take damage. With the spider bypassed, the problem was ending
Arvel. That problem solved itself when I stepped on a stepped on a pressure plate that passed
through Arvel on a molecular level, destroying him from the inside out. With the Golden Claw in my possession, I got
my first Shout, and the next issue was the Draugr Overlord. I turned to Bethesda’s
favorite pacifist for the answer. I don’t know to say his name, so I’m gonna spell.
it out. for. you. Y. M. F. A. H. That doesn’t spell “sawft”. With this video’s requisite
wrestling reference out of the way, I could slowly lead the Overlord back to the swinging
axe hallway and let it get chopped to death. I recovered the Dragonstone, exited the nightmare
hole, and returned to Whiterun to give Farefinger his stupid tablet. Good news, there’s a dragon. Bad news, I’m
effectively worthless. All I could do is stand there with my mouth slightly agape while the
real heroes, and Irilethe, battled the mighty beast. Once they killed it, I absorbed it’s
soul and finally had a means of defending myself. Now, the thing about Shouts is that
unlike all weapons and armor types which have skills that can be leveled up, Shouts don’t
have anything like that. The shout you get is the shout you get. You can learn additional
words to make the more powerful, but they don’t get better as the game goes on the
way everything else does. The cool down timers are the biggest hinderance here. Unrelenting
Force’s initial cool-down is 15 seconds. But, there are 2 ways to decrease that time.
The Blessing of Talos and the Amulet of Talos. The Blessing is easy to get, just activate
a shrine near Dragonsreach, though it does wear off after a while. The Amulet is harder,
just because you have to actually find one. After I’d taken credit for killing the dragon,
the Greybeards summoned me to their castle in the clouds, I immediately dismissed Lydia
because no donkeys allowed, returned the Golden Claw, bought myself an Amulet of Talos, and
that was that. My shouts now cool down as quickly as they possibly can. It’s either
depressing as hell, or an early advantage. I guess it depends on whether you’re a glass
half full or a glass smashed over your head kind of person. Regardless, I was off to [bleep]. I passed
through Helgen to see what was left of it. There was this funny looking guy lying on
the ground. Not long later, I got into an actual battle for the first time. The Unimpressive
Wind shout actually does some damage. Not a lot, and it can’t really send enemies
flying yet, but at least I can defend myself. It can’t stop a windmill, if you were wondering.
Also, Couriers can’t die. In retrospect, I really should have seen that coming. A Dragon
found me, I tried giving it the ol’ wimpy scream, but it wasn’t too impressed. It
was a legitimate threat, so I lured it to some nearby Necromancers in hopes that they’d
kill each other. The Dragon fucked them up quick but was hungry for more. It truly was
the clash of the titans. I say “was” not because this is a past-tense retelling of
my adventure, but because that Dragon did not stand a chance against a Mammoth and a
Giant. The dragon died quick, and it had something
I needed. So I did the only thing I could do, I stripped naked and ran into the Giant’s
camp to condemn the Dragon’s soul to several hours of agony inside my head. With it’s
soul whimpering deep inside me, I ran back up the nearby hill to learn a new word of
power, which allowed me to turn my mouth into a portably air conditioning unit. Frost Breath
does significant damage to everything in its path. It killed a Bandit before she even had
a chance to draw her sword. The drawback is that the initial cool-down is 30 seconds,
or either 18 or 19 and 1/5 seconds depending on how the percentages work. Enemies plural
can be tricky to deal with. When they’re lined up, you can damage several with one
shout, but when you miss, you’ve gotta wait nearly 20 seconds before you have another
chance to attack. Still, it’s a hell of a lot better than the first shout I got. With my theoretical arsenal now upped, it
was finally time to answer the Greybeards summons. I fought a Troll that I could not
kill due to it regenerating health before I could attack it again. But I think it fell
down a waterfall and died. If it didn’t, I don’t want know what killed it so quickly
and so quietly, so gently and maniacally. After picking up Klimmek’s supplies and
being called sick by a pointy-eared prick, I began ascending the mountain towards High
Hrothgar. Once I arrived, I left the supplies in the
chest alongside a child’s doll. If the police ever decide to look in the chest, they’re
gonna have more than a few question for these old freaks. Ernie taught me a new Word of
Power, I took out a hologram with a sick 360-no scope, and we went outside where I got a look
at Master Borri’s gaping hole while he viscously penetrated my heart with his gift of wuld
(wood). My training is all but complete, I just need to fetch them the Horn of Jurgen
Windcaller. As I made my way towards Ustengrav, I spent far longer than I should have dealing
with 2 Giants. It was like 8 minutes of wasted time. Their Mammoths did some mating rituals
and I had a sick feeling in what was left of my gut that their snouts are for more than
eating. After about 10 minutes, a lot of screaming,
and a frightening amount of blood, both Mammoths lay dead at the foot of a stone staircase.
I passed through Labarythian, but found nothing interesting there aside from a few trolls,
and arrived in Morthal. It was at this point I realized that I couldn’t fight my feelings
any more. The challenge is to beat Skyrim by only using shouts, but my goal is to get
more than 54 buckets by the time this is over. If Game of Thrones has taught me anything,
it’s that sometimes you do bad things for the ones you love. And I did some very bad
things to the poor people of Morthal. It started off innocently enough. A few Cultists
had tracked me down and attacked me, so I had to dispose of them. I went to the Jarl’s
building to get a sense of what I’d be working with, then went to the local store to sell
a few things. I was taking the buckets upstairs for some alone time when Ingrod got in the
way. She stealing her buckets, they were always mine though, even if she didn’t know it.
I killed her in front of what I can only assume was her kid. Someone else died, my bounty
was up to over 2000 gold, and I’d reached the point of no return. I made my way to every building in Morthal,
taking what was mine by birthright and killing all those who got in my way. Including 3 Guards
in the middle of town for all to see. As my pillage began to wind down, a Mud Crab emerged
from the sea to risk it’s life to save the town. I knew I’d met my match, and I escaped
into the wilderness. I then returned to my mission: tracking down
a rape whistle or something. I got inside Ustengrav and fought the Draugr for the first
time and they were tougher than I’d hoped. Restless Draugr take several shouts to take
down. Which in and of itself isn’t awful, but you’re normally not going up against
a single Restless Draugr, usually there’s at least one, sometimes more, and a few normal
Draugr, which eat up your attention like neglected children, making nailing the Restless Draugr
a bit more difficult. Nevertheless, I pushed through the passageways,
learned a new word, cut down some web with an axe that doesn’t count web isn’t alive,
and eventually didn’t find the Horn. I found a note in its place. I readed the note real
good and threw it in the fire where it belongs. I left Unstengrav, returned to Riverwood,
rented the attic room, and found out that Delphine is a fucking witch. She won’t tell me her master plan until
she sees me mount a dragon. Or kill one. She only said “kill” but I’m good at reading
people, especially people who don’t even exist. I got to the dragon burial site before
Delphine and engaged in a fight to the death with the dragon. Unlike my first dragon fight,
I could actually hold my own in this fight. But let me tell you, the 20 second wait between
attacks went from delicate foreplay to pinecone sodomy faster than you’d think. But, in
the end, the dragon died, I added another soul to my collection, and Delphino filled
me… on the plan, I mean. I’m going to the Thalmor Embassy. Not now,
though. I’ve got other things to do. Because I’d already been to that side of the mountain,
I decided to walk to Riften by way of Ivarstead. Not all that much happened on the way there,
though I did kill 4 men with a single shout, showcasing how powerful Frost Breath can be
in ideal circumstances. Things got very colorful as I approached Riften Stables, then I persuaded
my way into the city, and went back to Riverwood to talk with Delphine. The conversation didn’t
last long, as she told me to go to fucking Solitude, on the other end of the world, to
meet with Malborn. My travels to the northern section of Skyrim
were fraught with danger and tense situations. Do I keep using a controller or do I unplug
it and hit the auto-run so I can go make a sandwich without losing any progress. I kept
using the controller and nearly died of boredom because my guts aren’t ready for solid food
yet. I eventually made it into Solitude, entered the Winking Beaver, and gave what I could
to Malborn. It wasn’t much, mostly just armor and a few potions. I then returned to
Delphine, got dressed in my costume, rode the pretty pony to the Thalmor Embassy, created
a distraction, retrieved my items, and let the games begin. Just like with all other combat situations,
multiple enemies makes things more challenging, but the Thalmor aren’t as tough as I thought.
Two good shouts is enough to take one down. The bigger issue is that the Healing spell
is my primary defense besides armor. It ensures that I can withstand the damage being dealt
to me while I wait for the shout to cool down. And the Thalmor like to use electricity, which
drains your magic. The named NPCs in the Solar were even more of a threat. But, after a bit
of dancing around, I made it down to the torture chambers, found the information I needed,
set free the man who’d been chained in a cell, passed through the cave deeper into
the Earth, and fast-traveled back to Riverwood. After more explanations from Dolph, I returned
to Riften to see if I could track down Esbern. In an interesting turn of events, a dragon
beat me there and began laying siege to the townspeople. They were more impressed with
the pile of bones than they were me ripping its soul from its corpse. I didn’t really
feel like engaging in petty thievery, so I ignored Brynjolf and went straight to the
Ratway. The Thieves Guild had a good number of buckets in their little hidey-hole. I killed
a few Thalmor, froze a deaf chick, and waited 1000 years for Esbern to unlock his door. In the past, I’ve encountered a situation
where Esbern failed to follow me out of the Ratway and back to Riften, so this time I
paid special attention to the senile old man and gently guided him through the tunnels
until we were back outside and could bask in the glow of the sun. With Delphine and
her least favorite uncle reunited once again, we could begin to lay the foundational plans
for the endgame. The next objective involved another long march through the snowy wilderness,
all the way to the Sky Haven Temple. Time consuming, but not especially difficult. When I got into Karthspire, I tried to use
a speed-running technique to skip the puzzle, which ended up wasting more time than it would
have taken to solve it in the first place. While Esbern examined Alduin’s Wall, I found
myself a complete set of Blades armor and an assortment of weaponry to sell for gold
that I won’t do anything with. The time had come to return to the Greybeards,
who were still waiting for me to give them their horn back. They performed their special
ritual that made my legs go wobbly, led me out to the courtyard, and taught me another
new word that I could use to ascend the mountain to get to the Throat of the World and meet
Paarthunax. On the way up the mountain, I took a quick detour to say hello to an old
friend. I absorbed another new word, Fire Breath,
and used it to greet Paarthurnax. Fire Breath is the heat equivalent of Frost Breath. He
told me that I’d need an Elder Scroll to learn the Dragonrend shout. On my quest to
find one, I killed a blood dragon, blasted a few wolves straight to hell, gained admittance
to the College of Winterhold, and got word from Shrek that I’d need to track down Septimus
Signus if I wanted an Elder Scroll. Before I went further north, I stole every bucket
in Winterhold that I could find. I battled a few Horkers, and as I did, this strange
feeling came over me. Almost like Deja Vu, like I’d been in this situation before.
For the briefest of moments, my mind was flooded with images of a Horker doing gymnastics in
front of it’s parent. Once I’d come back down to Earth, I found
Septimus’s igloo and the worst part of Skyrim could begin. Going through the Dwemer Ruins
to get to Blackreach. I just hate it so much. It didn’t help that the Dwemer Spiders couldn’t
be taken down with one shout. For the most part I just ignored them because killing them
wasn’t worth my time. I used the Become Ethel shout to violently plummet hundreds
of feet and survive unscathed. The Dwarves Centurion had the potential to be a real pain
in the ass. Luckily, his size prevents him from squeezing into tight spaces. So after
I took the absurdly powerful armor from a corpse, I could enter Blackreach, refrain
from making a reference to Jellyfish Fields, press a bunch of buttons, retrieve the Elder
Scroll, leave the Lexicon down there because Septimus can go fuck himself, and return to
the Throat of the World where I could read the Elder Scroll at the Time Wound, learn
the Dragonrend shout, and fight Alduin for the first time. This took a long time. Far longer than I expected.
The issue, as always, is the shout cooldown. It’s tough to attack Alduin unless he’s
on the ground, and he can’t be on the ground unless you hit him with Dragonrend. It didn’t
help matters that the Blessing of Talos had worn off before I began this fight, which
meant that I had to wait 12 seconds after hitting Alduin with Dragonrend before I could
attack him. Fire Breath seemed to be more effective than Frost Breath, but they both
now had a 24 second cooldown. This means that even in a perfect scenario, I can only do
damage to Alduin once every 36 seconds. I’m sure you can see this would quickly become
a colossal clusterfuck of a situation. Paarthurnax also decided to sit this one out, so I was
on my own. Once Alduin’s health was half drained he stayed on the ground which sounds
good in theory because it means I don’t have to use Dragonrend, but it also means
that he’s attacking me much more frequently. This was the first time in any of my Skyrim
videos that potions actually played an important role in surviving the encounter. After about 20 minutes, I’d finally whittled
away at Alduin’s health enough that he fled to Sovngarde. The end is in sight, but it’s
still a ways off. I wanted to do things differently this time, so I talked to Esbern about what
to do next. Unfortunately, all roads lead to the peace treaty with the Greybeards. That
pissed me off, so I screamed Delphine off a side of a mountain. I went down find her
body, don’t ask why, but all I found was one of the rare water goats. Still wanting a change of pace, I returned
to the Throat of the World to kill Paarthurnax. I blasted him with Fire Breath, but he didn’t
even flinch. Then Frost Breath. He laughed it off. So, turns out I can’t kill Paarthurnax
after all. Unfortunate, but not the end of the world. I then spent the next 30 minutes
convincing the Imperials and Stormcloaks to come to the Greybeards Peace Counsel, and
pillaged their castles for buckets. I’m not gonna bore you with all the little details
here. The peace treaty was a monumental success,
I blasted Jarl Ulfric Stormcloak and Delphine off the mountain, the Jarl helped me catch
a dragon, I ripped off all my clothes, mounted the scaly beast, and we flew to Skuldafn.
And guess who forgot to re-activate the Shrine of Talos, this guy. It wasn’t the best decision
I’d forgotten to make, but I still had a plan. The Become Etheral shout, at its lowest
level, gives me 8 seconds of invulnerability with a 9 1/2 second long cool down. Combine
this with my stupid high armor rating and the Healing spell, and I can pretty much ignore
all damage while I make my way through the Skuldafn Temple. Before I’d left the Temple and gone back
outside, I learned the Call Storm shout. I’d never actually used it before, so I decided
that the perfect scenario to prove its worth-fullness in would be in a fight with several dragons
and a Dragon Priest. The shout did a significant amount of damage to Nahkriin, but it also
has a 4 minute cool-down, which is less than ideal. Luckily, there is a spot where you
can avoid damage from all enemies. I went there, waited for the shout to recharge, used
it again to kill Nahkriin, snagged his face and staff, and hopped into the portal to Sovngarde. The fight with Tsun was easier than anticipated.
Fire Breath quite effective against him. Three shouts was all it took to gain entry into
the Hall of Valor. I spoke to the heroes, we ran outside, cleared the World Eater’s
mist, and let the final battle begin. And just like with the battle atop the Throat
of the World, it was horrible. Thankfully, nothing glitched out or broke, the fight transpired
as it was supposed to. It’s actually more or less the same as the first fight was, the
same problems were present here. I can only do damage to Alduin once over 36 seconds.
I tried using the Call Storm shout a few times, and it did do a nice chunk of damage, but
the 4 minute cool down is a dealbreaker. After about 15 minutes of shouting, Alduin landed
the final time, which must of pissed off Tsun because he got involved and damn near killed
the bitch. I, of course, landed the final blow, ended Alduin once and for all, and beat
Skryim by only using Shouts. Just like in my last Skyrim video, you’re
probably wondering about the buckets. Well, sometimes things go so extraordinary well
that you surprise even yourself. I shit you not, I collected 128 buckets. It took quite
a while to get them laid out all pretty like. Once about half of them were down, Odahviing
landed on them, sent them flying all over the place, and I just about lost my fucking
mind. He eventually fucked off, I got all 127 buckets into a nice little pile, one of
them went off the mountain when Odahviing landed, and that was that. And that’s gonna do it…
Honestly mitten squad makes great videos