Can You Beat Skyrim With Only The Telekinesis
Spell? There is a lot of magic in the Elder Scroll
5 game. Some spells are offensive, others are defensive,
some can spawn in new friends and others still bring old ones back from the dead. But there’s one spell that’s seemingly
worthless. Can You Beat Skyrim With Only The Telekinesis
Spell? The ride into Skyrim was fairly standard,
the wagon wasn’t trying to do any summersaults, someone was granted their freedom, and I chose
an Argonian as my race for the first time in recorded history. Telekinesis is an Alteration spell and Argonian’s
start with 20 in Alteration as well as 20 in Restoration, Sneak, and Light Armor. I incorrectly assumed two of those would be
beneficial down the line, I gave myself the worst name possible, Alduin showed up, I escaped
into the Keep, not gonna say much about this part as I’ve gotten through this part of
Skyrim without attacking anything many times, though I did make sure to snag a bucket before
leaving. It’s a surprise tool that will help us later. Outside, basking in the fresh air, I began
my quest to track down the Telekinesis spell. You can’t just buy it right from the beginning
of the game, that would be too easy. As the saying goes, the more substantial the
reward, the more bigger the risk. With the Mage Stone activated and the domicile
of the spell marked on my map, I danced along the road to Riverwood, the power of the cabbage
was too much for my fragile frame, I sold what I didn’t need to Lucas Simms, kidnapped
a few plants to take them to the big farm in the sky, and continued heading East-South
all while casting the Oakflesh spell as often as I could to raise my Alteration skill a
bit. There’s only one location in all of Skyrim
where Telekinesis is guaranteed to be found; a cell in Redwater Den, a drug den located
at the tip of the whale lake’s tail. I made sure to snag all the vomit buckets
to add to my collection, a little bit of someone else’s vomit in your pocket never hurt anyone. Now, predictably, getting into Redwater Den
itself was of insignificance to someone as skilled as Skyrim as I am. Problem is, you must unlock an Adept lock
and I only had 2 lockpicks. Of course that problem is irrelevant when
you introduce quick-saves to my tool belt, but it’s still an annoyance. Once that lock is picked, the drug kingpins
and other bowling pins will come to life and attack you for finding their lair. There’s also another Adept lock. Get it the spell, use that level up you saved
to restore your health, cover your body in the bark you picked off an imaginary oak tree,
flee like your life depends on it, because it does, and you can finally read the book
to learn you the Telekinesis spell. I was pretty excited about this having recently
started a Telekinesis run in Bioshock. It’s a real fun Plasmid in Bioshock, you
can catch grenades in mid-air and shoot them back at someone, use a Big Daddy’s Big Dead
Body as a weapon, it’s great. And Telekinesis in Skyrim is just like that,
in spirit, sort of. I’ll give the Skyrim version this, it exists. That’s about all it’s got going for it. The initial kerfuffle is not an unexpected
one. It’s an Adept level spell and I’m only
Level 3, of course it’s going to drain the out of my magic. Upon flinging a bucket at Idaho Battle-Barn,
I was impressed, it did more damage than I thought it would. Using Telekinesis for about 1.8 seconds damn
near drained all my magic, but it seemed usable. So, the first order of business was to crank
the flip out of my Alteration spell to level up and both increase my total allotment of
magic and decrease the amount needed to use Telekinesis. Trust me, I know what comment you’re about
to leave, I’ll get to it soon enough. Alteration can be power-leveled relatively
easily. I found a Kettle, dropped it in this little
brick river leading to the throat of this city’s ground, picked up the kettle with
my mind, waited an hour, then did it again. It only took about 8 minutes to raise Alteration
by almost 20 levels. And by the end of those 8 minutes, I could
hold that kettle for what felt like an eternity, at least compared to my real world ability
to pick things up with my mind. Thinking I was ready to take the fight to
everyone and everything, I spoke to Jarl Balgruuf about the dragon from Helgen, cooked a series
of stews and soups to have just in case of an emergency, was sent to track down the Dragonstone
by Harry Potter, returned to Riverwood to play with a bucket, got attacked by a renegade
group of street toughs, and used Telekinesis in combat for the first time. To say that it was god-awful would be the
understatement of the century. Problem 1) Managing to hit someone with the
bucket in the first place. The object must be as close to you as possible
before you can throw it, otherwise it just drops, it doesn’t go very fast and the distance
you can throw it is pathetic. Problem 2) Hitting an enemy with any object
does practically nothing in the way of damage. For these hired thugs, a bucket slamming against
one of their skulls takes away about 10% of their health. Keep in mind there are at least 3 thugs attacking
me at present. Problem 3) While magic does regenerate, it
regenerates much slower in combat. It didn’t help that I was constantly being
assaulted, forcing me to use Restoration to heal myself which in turn drained my magic
even more. Long story short, I got frustrated at this
idea and didn’t even think about coming back to it for 3 months. I didn’t touch this character in March,
April, or May. This challenge is why my last actual Skyrim
video was before Christmas. It put such a bad taste in my mouth that it
soured me on Skyrim as a whole. Then, last week, after digging through suggestions
in the Emergency-Video-Ideas channel in the Mitten Squad Discord Server, I came back to
Skyrim with a new challenge: beating Skyrim with Only the Wabbajack. Now you’re probably wondering why you’re
watching this video instead of that one, certainly the Wabbajack, despite its unpredictability,
would be far more useable than the fliping telekinesis spell. It most certainly was. But, see, I started that playthrough in March
and went back it again, almost 3 months later. Before I started that character again, I skimmed
through the footage to see where I left off. What I missed was the beginning where I did…
this… [Attacking enemies with swords] Yeah… I’m not 100% sure why I did that, it invalidated
the entire challenge, but it doesn’t matter for this video. I’m not going to scrap that entire playthrough
though, and I’m sure as not playing through all of Skyrim with the Wabbajack for a 2nd
time. It was sort of worth it though, because in
that Wabbajack video, I began using an exploit found in Dawnstar to power-level my enchanting
skill. In that playthrough it was more-so to get
Soul Gems, but in this video I used that same tactic in an effort to get Enchanting to 100. I’ll run through the process once just so
you can get an understanding of what it was I was doing, just know that it took me almost
2 hours to get Enchanting up to 100. Travel to Dawnstar, turn to the left after
you spawn and you’ll see a Khajit merchant. She’s an unwilling pawn in my little game. Head to the East of the town. Near the mine, you’ll find a chest hidden
in the ground filled with everything that Merchant has. Take what you want, in my case it was soul
gems to enchant items, enchanted items to disenchant, non-magic weapons and armor to
enchant, and potions to sell. Find an enchanting table, disenchant what
you can, enchant as many items as you can, go back to the merchant, quicksave, hit her
with a bucket, then reload the save. That will reset her inventory, so you can
sell your enchanted items for easy gold, go back to the chest, get more enchanting supplies,
rinse and repeat until your enchanting skill is at 100. It isn’t the most fun thing in the world
to do. It’s boring and time consuming, but I found
that after I ran through the process a few times, I got in a groove and I could do it
all pretty mindlessly while not paying complete attention to the game. A positive side effect of using this exploit
is that you will level up rather quickly. When I started the process I was level 10
and by the time I finished I was at level 23. As you level up, the weapons and armor you
find will become higher quality and more valuable. There’s one more thing I need to explain
before I go any further. Skyrim uses a complex mathematical formula
to calculate the total percentage of magical embodiment an enchantment applies to an overall
skill of magic dispersed throughout several pieces of armor. Think logically for the first time in your
life and you’ll see what I mean, but I’ll walk you through it if I must. Skyrim is the Elder Scroll 5. Take the most revered algebraic invention
of all time, PEMDAS, and use your hand to count to 5. What is the fifth letter in Pedmas? A. A stands for Addition. Addition is when you use addition to addition
two numbers together. What this all means is that Enchantments stack. A necklace and a helmet that both reduce the
magic cost of an alteration spell by 25% will give you a total reduction of 50% thanks to
the power of Addition. The goal is to get that 50% up to 100%. And that’s exactly what I did. [53:28] After so much time and effort put
into this living nightmare of an idea, I can now cast Alteration skills until the end of
time. To test that and to get Alteration up to 100
just because I can, I sat there using Telekinesis on a potion bottle for 10 straight minutes. The worst spell in the game is now overpowered
to the point of being broken beyond mortal comprehension, my armor ensured any damage
taken would be minimal, and I set off for Bleak Falls Barrow to obtain the Dragonstone. Only one of those three statements was the
truth. As awesome as it is to finally figure out
how to abuse exploits in Skyrim like everyone else did 8 years ago, Telekinesis is still
the most revolting spell to use in all of Skyrim because it’s not meant to be an offensive
spell. It’s not defensive either. It’s just there. It’s a fliping gimmick. The only worthwhile benefit of having this
spell equipped is that you can see the name of an item from an obscene distance. If you were roleplaying as a thief, the infinite
usage of Telekinesis with that name thing could be fun, but it doesn’t help me in
any way. You’re still attacking enemies with items
you gently toss at them. You can’t even catch arrows out of the air
as they’re being shot at you. Weak, regular Bandits like those camping out
inside Bleak Falls Barrow are manageable, but because I’m like level 24 now, those
kinds of enemies are few and far between. It took me 5 minutes to get this Bandit Plunderer’s
health halfway down. Yet another way this spell drives you towards
alcoholism is more a fault of how most enemies attack rather than the spell itself. They charge at you with a melee weapon, getting
right in your fliping face. Do you know how fliping hard it is to pick
up a steel ingot from across the room and bring it close enough to you that you can
fire it like a projectile while you’re being harassed by an old man with a sword and a
flaming stick? No, of course you don’t, but I do. Trying to attack literally anything with Telekinesis
is infuriating in every possible sense of the word. When it comes to combat, there are no redeeming
qualities to this run. Nothing about it is fun or enjoyable. Which was why, after all the pain I’d put
myself through to be able to cast Alteration spells until all possible events in the known
universe transpired an infinite number of times, I decided to ignore pretty much every
enemy I could, I wouldn’t attack something unless I absolutely had to. This method of attack is just too cumbersome
and convoluted to do on anything but the weakest of foes. Despite that, I chose to fight the Draugr
Scourge Lord to death with my mind rather than just leading it to one of the traps that
would kill it instantly. Another ty part of this, because the suffering
just keeps going, is that sometimes the object you send flying towards your attacker will
just bounce in the complete wrong direction and land somewhere where you’ll never see
it again. From what I could tell, an item either does
damage or it doesn’t. An iron arrow you pick up off the ground won’t
do anything while a potion or a sword or a shield will. Bigger objects are generally better, things
like war hammers or greatswords, as it’s more likely that some part of it will hit
whatever you’re shooting at and they’re easier to spot on the ground. With the Draugr Lord beaten into submission,
I returned to Whiterun to give the stone to Farengar, experimented with the range of Telekinesis,
and went out to a watchtower to fight a dragon for the first time. There are a bunch of guards attacking with
you as well as Irileth and the wizard. The dragon can die if you do nothing. I know that for a fact because I lived it. At one point I threw a bowl at it menacingly. That was the extent of my contribution to
the fight. The Greybeards welcomed me into their tribe,
I loudly mouth blasted the souls they ripped from the nether, sprinted through their gate,
and rode a cart to Solitude so I could enter Ustengrav to retrieve the horn of Jordan Nottingham. On the way there I killed a guy with a bucket,
that was a very gamer move on my part. I also tried to kill some magic man with a
bread once I was inside. It didn’t work out very well, so I pretty
much just absorbed all the punishment the undead creatures sent my way while I used
a Restoration spell to heal myself almost every second of the way. I made sure to get the Become Ethylbenzene
shout before I used hand powers to draw the mysterious note to my grasp, flung it into
the water, escaped, spoke to Donald Dean in her special basement, returned the recorder
to the Greybeards, they rudely began their indoctrination procedures without letting
me hold a bucket for moral support and without stripping me naked first. To make them pay for their crimes against
humanity even though I’m not a human so it’s not that, I bopped one of them with
a bucket a couple times. I’ve never been more savagely beaten in
my entire life and that’s including what I’ve done to myself. Nearly breaking both hands on the cement in
my parent’s garage because they were out of gatorade and I was drunk enough to barely
remember doing it was mere child’s play compared to what the Greybeards did to me. I didn’t even have a chance to fight back. They just kept blowing and blowing me into
the wall until my little lizard heart couldn’t take it anymore and I froze to death. From there I fought the dragon at Kynesgrove
with Delphine which oddly enough, wasn’t that bad. Honestly, it made me feel more powerful in
Skyrim than I had in a long time. Bouncing a two handed war axe off a dragon,
catching it out of the air, and throwing it at him again without it ever touching the
ground is something most people have never experienced in Skyrim. It also doesn’t hurt that the Dragon was
a massive target that was somewhat distracted by Delphine’s attacks. After the death of the dragon, it was only
fitting that I got my bottomkicked in the Thalmore Embassy. Oh, well, before that I beat a Courier to
death with a cabbage, trust me that’s important and will come into play later. Every complication I’ve talked about so
far was in effect in the Embassy. The Thalmore are tough as nails, are constantly
up in your attacking you with their little daggers while others sit back with their magic
and drain your own pool of magic. And because I tried just running past them
all, I had to contend with like 6 of them at once down in the torture chamber. Foolishly or as a result of me getting caught
up in my own ego again, I didn’t bring any potions into the Embassy with me despite having
an effectively infinite pool of potions to draw from thanks to the exploit in Dawnstar. A lesser Mitten Squad might’ve given up,
but I never did. If I couldn’t beat them all at the same
time, I would tip the odds in my favor by doing laps around their building to confuse them just before I entered the
building to fight the one Thalmore who was inside guarding the Sweet Rolls. It still was no picnic, but it was at the
very least, doable. With the whereabouts of Esbern now known by
everyone who has a dozen buckets in their back pocket, I traveled to Riften, entered
the Ratway, ignored all the bullies who’s home I had just invaded, found Esbern, and
we began our escape. The Thalmore weren’t finished with me yet
and were more than a match for Esbern, which was unfortunate as I was counting on him to
sweep me off my claws and carry me to safety. Good news is, because Esbern is a follower
at this point, entering a new area causes him to spawn behind you, so as long as you
can survive the Thalmore onslaught, you can ignore them. The next important task was making these potion
bottles do fliping sweet tricks. That was a real nostalgia trip for me. Back in the day, back in my prime, I could
make my Tech Deck do flips too if I used both hands. Then we had to get to Alduins Wall. Not a whole lot worth mentioning. Delphine and Ronaldo followed me a good chunk
of the way there, did most of work inside while I preoccupied myself with stealing their
kettles, solving puzzles, and slicing my hand open. The Greybeards forcefully inserted knowledge
of their king into my head hole, I braved the mountain wilderness, tried in vain to
rescue an old friend from a life stuck in a rock, failed at that pretty miserably, met
Parthurnax, had to fail the challenge to make him hot, he told me about an Elder Scroll,
and I rode to Winterhold to find someone who knew about the Scroll. I didn’t bother meeting Fiona’s husband
inside the College of Winterhold, I went straight for the inverted igloo hiding out among the
seals, got the location of the scroll from this barely sentient pair of shoes, and entered
Alfland to retrieve the scroll. The metal spiders and wheely-bois got in the
way towards the end, the Ethanol shout let me survive the massive fall, I tried petting
the weird looking dog down in Blackreach, it responded by shooting a chorus of acidic
saliva at my face thinking it was possible to make me any uglier than I am now. For the first time ever I didn’t have to
look up a guide on how to solve the puzzle guarding the Elder Scroll, I’m sure the
fact that I just did it not even 24 hours earlier had nothing to do with it. With the scroll safely sealed in my private
transportation quarters, I returned to the top of the world, read the scroll at the window
in time, learned the Dragonrend shout, I dropped a few buckets in preparation for what was
about to transpire, and for the first time ever, I could battle Alduin with buckets. I suppose it shouldn’t have come as a shock
to me that the real deal heavy duty extra tall lots of girth bucket did big damage against
him. But every victory comes at a cost. In my case, my most prized bucket flew off
the mountain destined to be forever out of reach. I like to think it knew it had helped me through
my struggle and it moved on to help someone else. With Alduin sent back to the Shadow Realm,
I persuaded the leaders of the free world to come to a peace treaty at High Hrothgar
to discuss the end of the world like civilized folk. It dragged on and on and on and on and on. Esbern taught me the word needed to call the
dragon, I used the power of seduction to lure a distant cousin into the trap, he flied me
to Skuldafn, and more nothing began. Just like other dungeons, the Draugr combat
encounters inside the temple are merely a suggestion, you don’t have to fight them. However, the Draughr Wight Lord does have
to die before you can press deeper into the tunnel. Time consuming to be sure because of how little
damage anything does, and it required far more effort than using a torch or a fork,
but thanks to the Restoration spell swirling around in my left hand, it wasn’t an impossible
task. I didn’t try to fight Nahkriin only because
I got my bottomkicked when I tried to take him on with the Wabbajack. In Sovangarde, I approached Tsun (t-soon),
and had to best him in combat before being granted access to the Hall of Monitors. If I didn’t say it yet, I’ve been playing
on Novice for reasons that should be obvious. I point that out because this monster of a
man completely destroyed me in under 10 seconds. He without a doubt posed a more significant
threat than Alduin or any of the Draugr Lords I’d faced up to that point. Three attacks from him were all it took to
kill me. But I did get to feel like Captain America
when I ricocheted a shield off his skull and caught it in mid-air with my special hand. I did win in the end, but it was by no means
an easy person to beat. Thankfully, you don’t have to kill him. The fight ends when his health it at around
50%. With my permission slip signed, I entered
the Hall of Heroes, the 4 of us ran outside, I a few buckets, we cleared the skies, and
Alduin arrived for the final battle. Would it surprise you to know that this was
a fliping joke? After everything I’ve done, it shouldn’t. That’s how these challenges always tend
to go. On their own, my buckets did a fair amount
of damage all things considered. But the big buckets pushed him with an incomprehensible
force that caused unbelievable damage to the beast. The World Eater was slain in perhaps the most
anti-climactic battle of all time. I sent one of my buckets on a journey, I was
sent back to Skyrim, and I beat Skyrim With Only The Telekinesis Spell.
