Building Healthy Relationships

hi my name's father Mike Smits and what's my name hi my name's father Megha Schmitz and this is essential presents I actually know how to slow down a little bit and enunciate or pronunciate pronounce all of the syllables huh goofball here we go apparently had some coffee today oh wait hi my name's father Mike Smith's and this is a sense your presence so relationships important things in our lives yeah but here's an interesting thing I will encounter people who I guess for lack of a better term are a better way to say it tend to rush into relationships maybe that's it they tend to rush into relationships and they kind of jump ahead of where they should be to where they would like to be in relationships this might be you or this might be someone that you love and care about in that that's this is the reason why I made this video here's what I mean it's the kind of person who they're saying like oh you know we I we been dating for two months but we know we're gonna get married like okay hey I want to actually commend you on the fact that you're discerning and dating oriented towards marriage on the Western world you probably know this already Western civilization is at an all-time low when it comes to people marrying and wanting to have children so if you're like oriented towards marriage good thumbs up for you but there's a good way maybe even a better way to go about it here's three things to keep in mind if you're in a relationship and you tend to be the kind of person who doesn't drag their feet but the kind of person who likes to race ahead number one time time is absolutely essential for a relationship what I mean is someone can say hey we've you know we've known each other for a short amount of time we want to get mayor actually I remember having a couple come to me and saying we want to get married on the one-year anniversary of our first date and I said please know why for many reasons but one of those reasons is there are some things that only time can reveal yeah I mean this is the reality of the thing if there are some things only time can reveal you can say no no we talk a lot we have really good communication we share everything that's neat but there's some things only time can reveal and so the kind of things you talked about at month number 6b are different than the things you talked about in month number 16 and different than things you talked about after a couple years there are some things there's a depth that cannot I in my experience at least that cannot be reached without that gift of time so number one kind of in a certain sense slow down again if you unless you unless you're the dragging feet person you're like we've been dating for seven years and I'm thinking about marrying this person well then you need to be call I think they say fish or cut bait that's not what I'm talking about if you're the kind of person who's rushing time there are some things only time can reveal number two here's the setup for this I work on the University campus and there are students who arrive every year and they'll say things like this someone will say hey what year are you and they'll say well technically I'm a junior because I've I took all these you know high school college classes but I mean it's my first year the response is oh you're a freshman got it because they're like no no I'm a junior like you just got here first year student / freshman it's this it's the desire to have a relationship that's more mature or in a different place than your relationship actually is it's the relationship that says as I said the beginning of this video you know we've only been dating two months but we knew we were gonna get married after the third date go okay now keep in mind I know everyone in the brothers gonna say well my grandparents they knew right away or my whoever knew right away fine whatever maybe I'm wrong I'll get sassy in a second here but there's some things again that not just time will reveal but there's something about allowing a two-month old relationship to be two months old right there's that something about that's something good about letting this is the fourth date let it be the fourth date what I mean by that is there are some couples that I've spoken with who are like you know ever since the third date or the third week or whatever it is we knew we were gonna marry gonna get married that after a year or two all of a sudden these issues start arising in their relationship that they realize they have to deal with because they didn't deal with it earlier because they're like well no weird ain't married so here comes an issue after you know six months whatever it is and rather than like oh wait this is something we need to address the response was well we're gonna get married anyway so it doesn't matter if it's an issue it matters my encouragement again this is like scolding anyone this is my encouragement if you're in a six-month old relationship let your relationship be six months old if you're ending for two years let it be two years old dump and that it's only been a month right so treat your relationship according to the actual age of the relationship not where you'd like it to be in the advance or in the future I mean or whether you like it to be like because you're dragging your feet person number three so number one time number two let your relationship be the actual age it is number three is problem solving no this is kind of relatively different than all the other things the two other things does is before this but if you're like okay what should we work on in our relationship well there's things like praying together yeah I would say one of the greatest skills that couples can work on with each other is learning how to solve problems or learning how to make decisions with each other because you probably know how to make a decision right you know your style you probably figured out that maybe you're a quick deciding person and you just say look at the patient's like oh I'm gonna do this and maybe the statistics on you making the right decision because you make a snap judgment is eighty percent of the time eighty percent of the time you're very happy with the decision and twenty percent of the time you regret that but you're okay with that because why because those odds or that ratio is okay with you now the person you're dating or married to or whatever might be the opposite they might be someone who is really really slow to make decisions and so sometimes they maybe don't even make decisions sometimes there may be the kind of person who says you know 75 percent that I just if I can avoid making a decision usually resolves itself you might know someone like this maybe you're someone like this they don't make a decision usually it just resolves itself and things work out yeah and maybe 25% of the time it doesn't work out and everyone has to scramble like to pick up the pieces but I'm okay with that ratio if 75% of time it's fine in 25% scramble now take an 80% you know snap judgment and at 75% I'll just let it resolve itself and they'll let them figure out how to resolve a question or make a decision with each other it's not impossible but they're going to need to learn how to do that thing so the third little piece of advice I would offer is if you're in a relationship learn how to make decisions together learn how to solve problems together learn how to address issues with each other if you're not in relationship right now you were in a relationship with somebody maybe have a roommate we have a friend or family members that you actually get to make decisions and maybe have to make decisions with them that's not a bad thing because what you're doing is you're developing a skill and that skill is I'm not the only one involved in making this decision so what I need to do is learn how to do that with someone else all the while being honest all the while being you know loving and charitable all the while whatever so here's little you know by the Mike's a little three tips for relationships Wow rhyming three tips for relationships number one time something's only time can reveal number two let the relationship be the age it actually is not the age you want it to be and number three learn how to solve problems with the people around you or the person with whom you are in a relationship that's what I got a for today from all of us here to Center presence my name's brother Mike Kellis [Music] you

Channel: Ascension Presents

Views: 189,166

Keywords: getting married, joy-filled marriage, Fr. Mike Schmitz on relationships, Fr. Mike and Ascension, Fr. Mike on Ascension Media, building healthy relationships, relationship advice from Fr Mike, Father Michael Schmitz, healthy catholic relationships, three tips for healthy relationships, tips for relationships, Fr. Mike on dating, Fr. Mike dating advice, Ascension videos, Ascension Press videos, Catholic Ascension videos, best Catholic relationships, Catholic dating

Id: XQtNoCJVtEM

Length: 8min 11sec (491 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 17 2018