How Far is Too Far Before Marriage?

hey this is Jackie angel with ascension presents and today we're gonna talk about the question one of the questions I guess the most is how far is too far [Music] to start out that's the wrong question because we should never be asking you know how far can I go with this person until I commit mortal sin right how far can I go with somebody else's wife or future priest or future nun you know that's not the question it's not about how far we can go how much pleasure we can get from them how much we can use them the question we should be asking is how can I help give this person to heaven right if we're really on this path of holiness we want to be Saints we should ask every single relationship we have we should ask the question how can I give us person to heaven whether that's our friends our parents our siblings or our romantic relationships how can I get this person to heaven not how much can I use this person for my own pleasure until it's like a mortal sin right so that's the first thing that's that's the wrong question we every person we see we should treat as our brother or sister like our brother and sister in Christ we have to start looking at people differently instead of looking at them as objects to use for my own physical or emotional pleasure I had to learn how to look at people as people to be loved persons to be loved so um two stories for you real quick one time I was in Australia and there was a beautifully handsome man frolicking along the waves at the beach and in that moment I could have chosen to lust after that man in my heart you know just start going down this fantasy Lane of oh my gosh we're gonna get married to have five babies you know and in that moment I just had to look at him as a human person and say God thank you for this man he is beautiful and thank you for creating him very good-looking the end amen so I had to learn how to look at you know I've had to learn how to look at men differently right instead of using them look at them as my brothers like thank you God for this man thank you another friend of mine he we were walking the mall one day and there was this huge Victoria's Secret poster and both of us turned our heads I turn my head because as a woman I'm tempted to compare myself right to these airbrush models and my other friend turned his head he was like that is somebody's sister that is somebody's daughter her name is Dolores and I'm like what are you doing and he was like well a priest told me that if I'm ever tempted to lust to give a person a name to give him a name and I'm like really Dolores that's my grandma's name but but I was like how beautiful that there are guys like this in the world who instead of automatically treating that person as an object to be used as to look as a woman and be like that's somebody's daughter that's somebody's sister I'm not I don't want to use her in my heart I want to love her and so I love it when it comes to how far is too far we're asking the wrong question we we need to change our whole mindset to learn how to love people and not use people if you want some actual guidelines because some of you have personalities or like I need rules though I need rules well I'll give you some suggestions okay I'll give you some guidelines and you know some things that are true so first of all if you want to know how far can you go with your boyfriend or girlfriend right if you can do it in broad daylight in front of your grandma or Pope Francis you're good to go but if you have to hide or go in the dark to do it a way out of public there's a reason that we are hiding that we're going in the dark it's because we know that it's not right we know that there's we're ashamed because we know we need to go in the dark and hide our actions because we're not loving this person we're using them that's one analogy if you can do it in broad daylight in front of your grandmother Pope Francis you're good to go another one is a priest told said this and this is so good how do you distinguish what is using somebody in what is loving somebody here is a perfect distinction there there's a difference between affection and arousal so signs of affection are great beautiful good holding someone's hand a kiss a hug signs of affection you can do those in broad daylight in front air grandma okay not be ashamed but anything that leads to that causes arousal that is reserved for marriage because as Catholics we believe we don't think sex is bad we think it's so good so beautiful so sacred that it belongs between a husband and wife and so anything that leads to arousal to the act of consummation to sex to becoming one body one flesh of st. Paul says in first corinthians chapter 6 so anything that causes that arousal that's starting that train that's reserved for marriage and i know a lot of you're like what the heck that's nuts yeah because our culture says it's okay to have sex on the first date our culture thinks sex is no big deal it's it's so interesting like what our culture goes crazy and it's all about hooking up having sex and then we're miserable we wonder why it's like because you're not made to have sex with everybody you come across it's meant for you meant to be bonded to one person till death do you part and when we start bonding ourselves emotionally physically spiritually intellectually with people and then we break up it's extremely heartbreaking but that's an aside so anyways so the difference between affection and arousal and now when you are dating somebody you absolutely should share hey listen we can't do this cuz this will set the train on right like this will start the engine because men and women are created differently and so I have a friend who shared then when he was dating his now wife they were sitting watching a movie and you know he put his arm around her shoulder and she's like oh this is so nice and you know they're thinking this is great and then all of a sudden she put her hands like on his thigh like up his thigh and he's like she's probably thinking oh this is so nice so great and in his mind he's like yeah alright right you know the arousal train started and for him you know he had to communicate like listen there are certain things the way you touch me the way that this is you know starting their arousal that the train is starting the engine so it's good to communicate that with the person you're dating so when it comes to like kissing even passionate kissing can can start that train - I don't know who it doesn't start that train for but again you guys are probably thinking this is crazy like you're saying we can't even like make out I mean here's deal again that's not the question is how far can I go it's how can I guard and protect this person this barred body heart mind and soul when you meet their future spouse on their wedding day instead of saying hey this is how far I went with your wife how far I with your husband you can say hey listen this person while we were dating I guard and protected them for you I helped them grow in holiness for you for their vocation not hey I wanted to see how far it could go with them and leave them to send no that's not the question the difference between arousal and affection so the question is ask your you ask yourself am I doing this to arouse them and of a lot of times you guys are hearts oh man we have such great capacity for goodness and holiness and we have such great capacity for evil and for sin and I know in my own heart man the way I have manipulated the way I have drawn other men to myself the way I have used other men emotionally or physically man I have had to look at myself that ugliness of my heart and ask God to help purify I've asked for forgiveness God help to purify these evil desires of my heart to use someone as an object and to manipulate them just so I could use them well so I ask yourself you know what are my intentions and then I heard this is funny I heard a dad say that any future you know young guy who would come asking his daughter on a date he would warn that maybe I like listen buddy anything you do to my daughter I'm gonna do to you being like okay so that means there's a lot of things you cannot do with my daughter but I it's funny and you're like dig but but really it's true like we shouldn't do anything to somebody else's daughter or future wife or a future husband that we just again to show signs of affection I can show signs of affection with my family and my my daughters and you know that are healthy and so when we're dating somebody else's future spouse or even if they're your own spouse you are not married to you're married you do not date when I was 18 Bobby I thought to myself okay I have to treat him again that just in case in the in the small chance like what if he died before we got married and I was actually called to marry somebody else I still have to treat Bobby even though I'm so in love with this guy I want to give all myself to him I still have to treat him like there's a chance until we were actually married I still have to treat him like he's not mine yet and still have to love him in just in case so again when it comes to how far is too far the question should be how can I help get this person to heaven and how can I be as Holy as I can be how can I be a saint so that takes prayer look into the desires of your heart and just ask God pray say God man untwist these these fish desires in my heart help to untwist some help help me to really love and not to use so I hope that helps you and I pray that God gives you the the fruits of the spirit that God gives you the fruit of the Spirit of chasity self-control modesty patience kindness love so Holy Spirit come give us those those fruits help us to bear those fruits so that we might be light to the world of God's radiant love from ascension presents god bless and Godspeed

Channel: Ascension Presents

Views: 176,721

Rating: 4.931716 out of 5

Keywords: that’s somebody’s daughter, that’s somebody’s sister, that’s somebody’s son, that’s somebody’s brother, 1 Corinthians 6, hook-up culture, affection vs. arousal, passionate kissing, arousal and affection, chastity, self-control, modesty, how far is too far?, how far is too far before marriage?, making out before marriage, Jackie Angel on chastity, Jackie Angel videos, Ascension Presents Jackie Angel videos, Ascension Media Jackie Angel, Ascension Catholic

Id: Kj9q_4slrdI

Length: 9min 30sec (570 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 04 2018