How to Love Someone that is Hard to Love

hi my name is father mike schmitz and this is ascension presents i'm trying to slow it down for this video i don't know why but you know what people they write in all the time and they say father you speak way too quickly so i want to do my best welcome to ascension presents my name is father mike schmitz would you like me to speak this more this much more quiet should i use words of english i'm starting over again i can't do it hi my name is father mike schmitz and this is ascension presents so how do you love someone who's difficult to love great question camper thank you very much father how do you love someone who's difficult to love every one of us have people in our lives that are easy to love they are like when it comes to our batteries like our love battery whatever that is our love battery when it comes to our love battery they they fill us up right they charge us up and there's some people in our lives that when it comes to our love battery they they use the battery they drain the battery and um and uh that's just the fact so the first is first thing is i think it's helpful to know what's going on i think it's helpful to be able to identify at times and not put labels on people but to simply say okay i see what's happening this person is easy to be around this person is easy to love that doesn't make me a virtuous a generous person that doesn't make me a more loving person although we can sometimes deceive ourselves into thinking that because we love people who are easy to love that we're really really good lovers like false it just means they're easy to love the challenge of course or the test i guess is the people who are difficult to love in fact jesus points to this and says this is the test of love not to just love people who love you that's even sinners do the same but to be a disciple of jesus is to love those who are most difficult to love to love the people who are our enemies to love the people who hate us not only that how about this to love the people who are difficult to love the people who are annoying to love the people who um just kind of get under our skin don't they don't even have to be enemies they just have to be abrasive or just have to be how we wouldn't want them to be right first thing to note as i said there are people who are easy to love okay i know who they are and they're people who are difficult to love i know who they are not to put labels on people as i said already just say it again but so that i know i'm not a great lover if i love people are easy and i'm called to love those people who are difficult so number one second thing i cannot give what i don't have in order to be able to love i must first be loved in fact that's again let's go back to the lord jesus in john's uh letter letter of saint john he says we love only because god first loved us so saint vaquita if you know anything about saint bakita uh she was this incredible woman uh who was a woman who was kidnapped from her family in africa she became a slave she was beaten horribly at one point there's an italian family that purchased her and it ultimately gave her freedom in the course of that whole process of a really difficult life simply keita encountered jesus she encountered religious sisters she became a religious sister in italy and she ultimately became saint paketa she um has this quote the quote is i have been definitively loved therefore no matter what happens to me i will always be definitively loved she had encountered the love of jesus in such a real way such a profound way that she knows i'm not just loved i'm definitively loved which means that no matter the changing circumstances no matter the changing seasons no matter even my own failure i will always be definitively loved absolutely loved because of that she was able to love those who had hurt her because of that she was able to love those who had tortured her she was able to love her actual enemies because why because the only way we know love is because we were first loved the only way we can be love is because we have been loved so number one acknowledge some people easy to love some people difficult to love number two i cannot give what i don't have i have to receive the love of the father in the son jesus christ by the power of the holy spirit the third thing and this is uh i think is really helpful and important um we have to realize that love is a one-way street so my my friend nick he always says that he always says love is a one-way street because we always hear that the reality the claim love is a two-way street he says no no relationships are two-way streets but love is a one-way street and he goes on to explain because you might take it back here and say wait a second so you're just a doormat you just give give give and never receive anything nope a relationship especially a healthy relationship is one where there's give giving and receiving but love is a one-way street why because same time aquinas he had said it like this he had defined love as love as willing the good of the other see notice that in that definition it has nothing he says nothing about the other loving you back it just says that love is willing the good of the other it's choosing the good of the other person so therefore love is a one-way street i love not expecting anything back but also i realize this might not be a relationship this might not be even be a healthy or good relationship because relationships are two-way streets where love is offered it's received and it's reciprocated but loving difficult people often means that this is not a healthy relationship it often means that this is not a reciprocal or a two-way street relationship it might just be the case where i unders i know the score and the score is i will will your good and you might not will mine it doesn't involve uh necessarily good feelings it doesn't involve uh also doesn't involve not having any boundaries we need to have boundaries it doesn't involve waiting for someone to love us back it doesn't involve them changing and acting how we want them to it simply involves our making the decision to will the good of the other to choose the good of the other i think with those three steps those three things one there's some people easy some people difficult to love okay identify the difficult people to love number two i cannot give what i don't have so i have to first be loved in order to be love and third love is a one-way street meaning all that the world all that the lord is waiting for is for me to in my own way the way that i can not the way i can't to choose the good of the other person sometimes that might mean making time for them sometimes it might mean tolerating an annoying conversation sometimes it might mean any number of things sometimes it might be making great personal sacrifices for their good not just because they want it but for their good it also involves as i said before establishing boundaries because we're not called to be foolish we're called to be as wise as serpents jesus says which means that if i know i'm approaching someone who's difficult to love someone who does not reciprocate love someone who actually might be an unhealthy relationship i'm going to have some real and real clear boundaries on this yes i'm here to will your good but i'm not here to be your doormat yes i am here to give you show you the love that jesus has shown to me but i am not willing um to be trodden upon there are boundaries that are establishing you as a christian get to establish boundaries you get to as a christian get to maintain those boundaries and as a christian you get to remind people those who are easy to love and those who are difficult to love you get to remind them of the fact that there are boundaries that yes as i've been loved we're called to be love and yes love is a one-way street that one way goes from the lord through us to them typically choose their good and they are loved does that make sense it's sometimes complicated sometimes really difficult but every one of us can do it because you have been loved now we get the chance to go be love prolly here at ascension presents my name is father mike god bless

Channel: Ascension Presents

Views: 114,706

Keywords: ascension, ascension press, ascension presents, father mike, catholic advice, catholic inspiration, fr. mike schmitz, fr. Mike schmidt, father mike schmitz, fr. Mike advice, fr. Mike videos, fr mike schmitz, finding love, loving difficult people, loving difficult family members, loving a difficult spouse, hard to love, loving people healthy, how to love people that are hard to love

Id: l1dh9JDlG00

Length: 8min 22sec (502 seconds)

Published: Wed May 18 2022