brooklyn nine nine being relatable for six minutes straight

i am straight up depressed anyways i'm gonna go cry in the bathroom peace out homies devastatingly handsome i'm sorry i'm uncomfortable with emotions all right i'm gonna go cry cursing out my own shadow for hanging out with a loser like me okay i just won't ever open it that way i'll never get rejected i've been trying to catch the pontiac bandit for eight years you know how many months that is 80 46 years months do you need a math tutor because the department will provide one for you i can't tell if you're being serious i'm just sad because i'm an unlovable sack of fungus and i'm gonna be alone forever i'm severely sleep-deprived and i'm way behind on laundry anybody seem boyle present what is it about me that screams loser do you think if i got my parents drunk every day when i was a kid they would stay together and we would have a happy family probably oh charles i can't take that it's clearly not cash and i don't have time in my life to return things everything is garbage ever love anything look i'm gonna be honest between you and me i don't fully know what i'm doing yeah he let me choose the music on the way over here which leads me to believe he's given up on life how was i supposed to know there'd be consequences for my actions enough look if you can't accept me for who i am then i don't need this chain okay great no no i need to be included so badly i'll do whatever you say i literally have zero pride i'll pay for that takes a true leader to let someone else leave oh that sounds exactly like something i would say snap out of it i am way too sleep deprived to deal with your negativity right now good morning boyle let's just get it out there vivian broke up with me last night just push me away everyone else does we definitely should go behind her back that's the opposite side of where the germs are coming from i've decided to stop fighting it and lean into the fact that i'm an idiot and pour your eggs right into the pan nice and slow oh okay now what do i do oh boy okay we hear that sizzle that means the heat is a little too high on those eggs well the the higher the heat the faster the eggs cook the sooner kevin eats am i incorrect now we're hanging out on weekends what is next small talk sounds like a challenge to me come on gotcha ready yep oh i got so heavy i hate people life sucks nothing good ever happens that wasn't hurt that badly the doctor said all my bleeding was internal that's where the blood's supposed to be five oh man this is almost too easy are you crying no that's eyeball sweat it's broken y2k i'll fix it there it's fixed you're weird i know seriously i have no idea what to do oh wait yahoo answers i'm just thinking about how this sea bass is cold but not as cold and cruel as the hands of fate that have thrust my entire life into darkness look sarge i burned 200 calories that's your heart rate yeah that checks out don't not a problem i hate moving two months in a safe house that's not impossible it's nothing i once stayed in my apartment three and a half months straight come on i'm so sick of these sucky computers one more step in your next ah great i'm done great workout sarge i should listen to you yeah everyone should listen to me all the time about everything very well my thoughts are who cares i have no use for people i find people weird and confusing a message of hope this is what i have so far pain what i hang out in the men's room all the time the acoustics are amazing crying don't know what to do pat pat this feels wrong can't you just use the internet on your phone but you know i'm out of data we should get back to work or we could fall asleep for five to seven days and see how we feel diamond oh no he's dead oh what am i done i gotta get my phone i gotta film this oh but then i'll miss it huh but i want it forever ah but i should stay in the moment don't forget oh my god this is a nightmare be myself what kind of garbage advice is that i'm just not cut out for this high-stakes world of having fun with friends i am offended i am angry i am very tired so i'm gonna take a nap but when i wake up ugh you are in for it i'm not afraid to be alone with my thoughts my thoughts are awesome die hard sex on a cruise ship pizza bagel restaurant my father never loved me i'm gonna die alone oh boy that happened fast ago is anything even real no odds are we exist in a computer simulation but i don't have time to go down that rabbit hole you ruined my life i had to live in florida for six months it's the worst have you tried the pizza down here yeah it's the most disgusting thing i've ever tasted it somehow burned my mouth and is cold at the same time were you gonna finish your sentence that felt like you were gonna say you're sorry i did boyle heard it uh i would remember if someone said my catchphrase yeah i'm my own worst enemy listed ingredient is foreign substance and the flavor is called almost cherry and then it can't stop drinking but that's just a suggestion like how they tell you to drink eight cups of water every month a day sarge come on this is not the time for jokes i had been sitting by the pool contentedly watching a bee struggle to avoid drowning and thinking to myself how i am like that b and i no longer start spontaneously weeping nice it's gonna be fine it might not be fine everyone wash your hands ooh did something awkward happen that i could probably relate dish [ __ ] if you get killed what happens to all your dead loopholes why are you taking so long to cook my freaking oatmeal there's that song i want it that way backstreet boys i'm familiar no i did not have breakfast

Channel: LMthedream

Views: 795,512

Keywords: brooklyn nine nine, b99, brooklyn nine nine being relatable, b99 being relatable, brooklyn nine nine being a mood, b99 being a mood, brooklyn nine nine funny, b99 funny

Id: wLgEuiP30BY

Length: 6min 11sec (371 seconds)

Published: Sat Oct 24 2020