Bridge to Terabithia - Nostalgia Critic

hello I'm gonna stuff a good guy remember it so you don't have to well ever since I did my princess hate video I kind of maybe sorta said I do Bridge to Terabithia at some point the responses have ranged from oh boy when are you gonna do that to if you touch that timeless treasure I will impale your testicles on a set of toothpicks ha joke's on you I haven't felt any feelings out there because it seems like this well I not want to disagree with other people's opinions unless they're stupid and not mine this is Bridge to Terabithia based on the beloved children's novel from the 70s Disney decided to use this story as a means of realizing that their family death toll is a little too high at least in age we can kill them younger can't we isn't that our goal to show kids what a beautiful world it is by making them realize death can take it away from them at any moment and you wish upon the Reapers come in [ __ ] hi let's be fair that's not the only reason to find it underwhelming the others well let's take a look at Bridge to Terabithia we open with our main character named Jess played by Josh Hutcherson who lives next to a greenhouse run by his father Robert Patrick still upset he'll never be allowed to do a role as good as the t1000 but at least he's been working as red-green impression i make him to say all these vegetables are part of our livelihood yeah chores none you ever notice how whining your window down by hand makes you look lower middle class just was getting ready to participate in a track race today the only downside he doesn't have the right shoes I could hardly call him sneakers anymore I throw them out what there's a perfectly good old pair of Brenda's I mean these are girls ones oh come on just write friendship is magic on the side at least the bronies will leave you alone are you excited about your first day of school yeah yeah you stink Hey stinkies Wow apparently the movie is already so bored too decided to follow an ant that's bad sign but just as planned to cover up his shoes doesn't work as that's not bully gang is ready to pounce on it sweet sneaks in you wear your sister's hand-me-down underwear to be PBB PBB know what that is Milan was your detector um zing he asked you a question twinkle toes you did whoo I hold my insults towards after-school specials of the 80s actually this does bring up one of the major problems with the movie the book was written in the 70s which is fine but if you're gonna update to present-day you have to do exactly that update it and some of the dialogue here is clearly very dated I mean once the last time you ever heard a kid say dead meat but this kid acts like it's the holy grail of insults that nobody will ever be able to top him on listen to him he's obsessed with the phrase goods dead meat oh I'm so texting that's inured to my friend yeah I know oh we don't see the entrance of our other lead Lesley played by annasophia robb who I swear is the first human being to be physically photoshopped to look like a plastic Disney product I'm serious look at her just make a toy out of that face it'll sell I don't use my Barbie so much anymore if you want you can have him think what do I need them for I am the Barbie she's like a compiled mentalis tars to create the ultimate in purified Disney unholiness I hear there's even a plot among the Disney Princesses to take away all her enchanted perfections first we'll start with her cheekbones yes then a perfect little eyes Ariel deal with it what is she just as perfect and endearing as the other Disney female leads does this movie like to dress their heroines like an imploding Punky Brewster but wait I'm wearing girl shoes Jen I like absorb their power so it turns out Leslie lives right next door to Jess but he doesn't let that quirky nothing wrong with her and s get the best of him as he's got the hots for someone else a teacher played by Zooey Deschanel star of the hit television show filler after the Mindy project check her white his friends for listings are you sure this movie wasn't meant to be called bridge to non offense eeeh this world is so blamele upbeat I swear it was a gun commercial really Disney you don't have enough money for backing that you had to go to juicy fruit juicy fruit the gum of contrived unmotivated Disney moments everywhere well just still has the hots for 500 days of bland as he does find his interest in Leslie does seem to grow as he finds out more about her especially when the teacher calls her up to read the paper she's very fond of entitled self-contained underwater breathing apparatus by Leslie Burke Wow um this reading brought to you by the incredibly ironic Institute of polling assure collars going yellow and floating in silence above me there's nothing but shimmery light the place where I have come from and we'll go back to when I am done here oh come on this is like John Bob it's favorite song being walk like a man we're a school of silverfish wait as I swing through the water bubbles burst for me wobbling like little jellyfish as they rise and what does his father grow in his greenhouse again actually this would be an interesting idea if he fantasized like this as the credits make it look like that's actually sore the angle they're going for like maybe his drawing is the visual style of his fantasy but strangely enough the rest of the movie is done with 3d CGI so this is the only time this style is ever used yeah kind of inconsistent huh it's like it for some reason I change up styles in the middle of review to reflect something like Frank Miller hey Samuel Jackson I'm a Nazi for some reason I won no way question that he starts to hang out with Leslie more and more and they find they have quite the rapport and by rapport I mean she says something enchanting and he stares at her with all okay do we have a name for this look you know this one that dumbass expression when someone says something that the movie obviously wants to shove in your face was magical so the given awkward quiet pause do we have a name for that please whimsical digestion those painful moments where a character has to reflect on just how wonder is the movie they're in it reach the end of the road on your mark set go come on over here is a moment anyone not going through a midlife crisis would fine pointlessly endearing Oh Rawlings magical Hey look at that cool that's been there forever I wouldn't trust it with foreshadowing music like that I think we could call it the death rope okay even as enchanted moments go this is really pushing it's a frigging rope when you look back on childhood you might see this as something more remarkably innocent but when you're a kid it's a friggin roll let your head hang back watch the clouds well maybe Jess can pop some sense into her overly whimsical it's [ __ ] everything gonna be like this it's every little mundane thing going to be an incredible adventure of laughs and whimsy imagine if I did every little mundane thing like this Oh if we really have to go well it's so whimsical in here live your childhood fantasy somewhere else you guys are so naughty chanting so Leslie being so inspiring Lee Wow suggest that they make up their own little world you need a place just for us but if there is a magical kingdom that only we knew about when we can use a ton of false advertising to trick Narnia fans into seeing Leslie wait up hell your talk of obvious fictional worlds in a public forest during the incredibly sunny daytime is scaring me what am I looking for exactly just close your eyes keep your mind wide open we call this place Terabithia I'm so perfect and inspired I came up with that fitting name and we'll try I also have an idea for a young adult series they ripped off battle royale sounds trite Leslie continues to make up details about her fictional world but is it me or is her dedication sounding less charming and more psychotically specific too bad for them they got so close what are you talking about to the kingdom what's that that's the sound of prisoners rattling their chain what prisoners the prisoners of the Dark Master Jeff you and I have been sent to freedom prisoners of the Dark Master we have come to free you see I'm up there yeah do you really yeah maybe a little too into our little world aren't we warriors try dragonflies no they're warriors we were all terrified yeah and nothing crushes us you better not let the terabithians hear you I don't know this game what game this is for real why do I see years later a very disturbing reunion when they meet up again Leslie thank you so much for dinner you know it's so good to see you been doing so well after all these years of course yeah yeah takes me back to when we were little kids oh hey remember that uh fantasy where we made up when we were younger Terabithia yeah yeah yeah those are magical times man how we used to pretend we used to live there what are you talking about still there what the terabithians miss you Jess they would like their King to rule with their queen once more oh wow look at the time oh I gotta go do some same things away from you let me show you more about their vision please I'm hungry and I need food this is where the evil trolls lived do you see no you see oh there's nothing there their blade slides oh dear the terabithians are telling me that someone might need another scrotum waxing I mean yes yes sexy I see oh good I thought you'd be like all the others that didn't see oh we rule Terabithia and nothing crushes us you so sadly both our stars have to return to the real world where things still seem less than perfect though to be fair still pretty damn close to perfect don't you think we should give our hand she's fine hey P P P P [ __ ] Oh never change that joke never do any variation with it I don't know where it is my is just timeless you just got it you got this the perfection of laughter and there one little collection of words Oh ingenious absolutely ingenious I give it up and this could be your future pal just Aaron stripped me on purpose okay Aaron's if the role he didn't do anything oh you have your magical kingdom you're in charge of well I have my plus world where I can throw any kid off with no legal repercussions whatsoever don't mess with the king baby buzz well but they still managed to find peace in their fictional realm where friggin everything seems to amaze them how come you're so good at that good at what building stuff me she'll really get it for a girl I mean hammering a nail into a door [ __ ] witchcraft but even their world at times can come crashing down giant troll Oh will you shut up already we almost died squirrels sneaky footsoldiers it's a dark mask let's cut up and their teeny weeny stomachs and feet are there many little entrails damn it but just decides his world isn't Rockwell Ian enough a pointless animal sidekick we'll fix that up as he adopts a dog out of nowhere and just gives it to Leslie yeah kind of random how do you think the parents feel about that well apparently they're just as everlastingly perfect as she is so of course they don't mind don't believe me just look at how downright utopian these loaves of Wonderbread off I'm determined to have this well finish so when the late Sun hits it we can watch it catch fire now that's one steady hand Jessen that's an artist's hand am i right you know the best prize that Life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing as Teddy Roosevelt said that it's just like my parents said before they left Bethlehem son do your best to cure cancer hug puppies and quilts collars with impeccable articulation Christ can this will get any more sappy or small t Oh God stop it you're making full house look like a hole cut drama masters you think you can you soo young so you find do you Wow what did I tell you was it worth it well we suck as painters but at least we rock as a Sears catalog commercial don't dance out again so now the dog is in their fictional world which their imaginations seem to make more and more real by the day ticklish old toe jam we should probably feed the dog no he's a magic dog that doesn't need food and can fly off cliffs whenever we taught in that doesn't sound okay be a god damn it this fictional world I guess strengthens their courage as they stand up to bullies who bought people's entrances into the bathroom are there no adults in this [ __ ] school that's not fair is it Ping's definitely supposed to be free free free the P the free to be movement was born first they moved to Russia and they migrated to China too in the world fought back against the evil come you piss you haven't gone pick a fight with him thank you but kid no I'm a kicked out of school for fighting a girl what's that gonna prove but they figure out another way to get back at her they forge a love letter from a boy she likes and she actually believes it's from him making a fool of herself in front of everybody did it will it no he's totally in love with you okay his sister enjoyed that a little too much that wasn't just a funny little moment that was Count of Monte Cristo style vengeance Oh her tears of despair fuel my inner goddess but they find out that maybe their joke went too far as they start to feel sad for the bully and even managed to get some interesting information out of her dad gets really mad at her he hits her it got out well what did you say to her I told her just to pretend that she had no idea what anyone was talking about and in a few weeks time everybody would just forget about it then I gave her pretty dumb oh well I do hope it was juicy fruit gum it is the old mighty Savior juicy fruit why call the police when you have gum then get this they actually decide to bring religion into the mix yeah I know I'm scared to Sunday we go to church can I hug you David no um girls can't wear pants Jeff girls can't wear pants uh look guys I don't know when's the last time you've been to church but unless you worship at Our Lady of Donna Reed I don't think this is an issue but bizarrely enough even they're fictional world starts to play a part here - hey they are honoring a carpenter who brought people back to life entering water into wine no talk of magic will be allowed in here Oh God quick pull the religious leaders of the world I got an email option the likes of antigen has never seen good and to make things even more awkward they start talking about their religious experience on the way back just remember guys the last time Disney tried to talk about religion we got a perverted old man jerking off to a sexy fireplace unless you plan to turn this into a creepy ass song number tread lightly if you don't believe the Bible Donald damn it oh hell when you die that's right haja god damned to hell if you don't think but okay can I just say that forgiving Disney for the Jonas Brothers has made a little bit easier when they have a small child say God damns you to hell several times in their kids movie god damn hell god damn it hell goddamn hell I seriously do not think God goes around damning people to hell he's too busy running all this whimsy and speaking of which we have even more whimsy to partake in as yet another trip down imagination Lane takes place yeah open this oh she says she won't let me free unless I convert to Judaism but oh no more poorly CG monsters off the port dumb Wow we suck even in our own fantasies I can't be cool anywhere what you know here's my problem with these fantasies if they were really using them to solve their problems are tied in more to the story I could forgive them more but apart from a monster having a bullies voice or a bullies face there's no other connection to anything going on so the movie just sort of stops dead in his tracks for these scenes that have no suspense because we know it's not real and no investment because we're not learning anything about how much more interesting would have been if they sat down and talked with the troll who looked like a bully or maybe some of their adventures were connected to the real-life worries wouldn't that be more dramatic wouldn't that be more interesting but no they use it to green-screen a background of them running against a forest witch why didn't you just film them running against a forest he'll catch us Leslie what a bastard at the end of the day they go back home and say goodbye to one another yeah you well I sure hope nothing bad happens to either them after the totally random goodbye that isn't in any way being embellished for any reason whatsoever okay we got enough returned the Jedi jokes the next day Jess gets a call from his music teacher and sees if he wants to go alone with her downtown to an art museum and yes that sounds exactly as creepy to you as it does to me I know it's a Saturday but it's your teacher miss Edmund planning on taking my nephew's into the city to the museum and my sister plans last-minute so I had a thought again I don't know if this was a more acceptable thing during the 70s but nowadays this would raise some serious red flags don't believe me try watching it with this music instead witness the horror witness the terror witness a famous actor playing that scary role every famous actor wants to play at least once in their career Zooey Deschanel Hunger Games joke the field trip brought to you by Disney mine like yours wide open you could create a whole new world give I'm sick to death of these forced whimsical moments can't once just something going credibly wrong in this movie I got a chance huh where God's name have you been well good somebody better be dead your friend Leslie's dead send your angry emails to nostalgia critic a idiot with bad timing calm Yanks they killed her off I mean damn she drowned in a creek this one apparently she tried to swing across on a rope and it broke well I'm sure they'll do a lot of more the todd romanticizing with his - what does he have flashbacks of seeing her or like her spirit in the forest or something actually to the movies credit the majority of the film dealing with the death scene is handled pretty maturely he goes through denial over his best friend being gone takes long silent walks by himself snaps at his sister even the fantasy world plays an interesting role he sees a dark spirit heading towards him that he tries to run away from which is really his father forcing him to confront the reality of her passing resulting in him finally breaking down it wasn't there to go with her it's my fault where were these scenes earlier this is really effective well for the most part there's still one or two moments that still seem a bit heavy-handed for example what song are they singing in class the next day come on okay kids next we'll be singing the happy songs of hull floats under the sea and rolling down the river Jess you look sad for some reason so it looks like it's fastest kid in the class now huh oh no no he did not he did not look there's not an enigma and that was not no no no okay normally I wouldn't say that violence is the solution but in this test I say definitely choose answer f4 [ __ ] his ass up don't make him get out his cake decorating kit hey kid sorry about your friend now get off I don't want to evil spirits haunting my domain that's world but speaking of bridges he decides to build one for himself obviously learning from that sorcery she taught him with hammering nails into wood he builds his own bridge and decides to bring his sister into his fantasy world and sure enough her imagination allows them to once again see the exact same vision somehow the future are you the changes and if your princess wait does that technically make me your daughter my best friend is dead and my teachers hitting on me I don't know what's normal anymore and to top off this story about realizing life by accepting death how about a completely unfitting up-tempo pop song your best friend died your world is unlike you ask your God in a bag please why and you know doesn't this music kind of sum up what's wrong with the movie I give it credit for what it's trying to do and for actually succeeding in some areas the death scene is handled well the fact that our two leads aren't romantically involved is very rare and the idea of creating a world to cope with the harshness of life is not a bad one but the dialogue needed to be updated the whimsical tone is just too over-the-top and a story like this only works if the kids act like real kids not like unrealistic heavenly archetypes that are only made that way so you can feel more bad when one of them dies imagine if the death scene of a child happened in say the Sandlot or To Kill a Mockingbird it would have been much more effective because you identified with these characters because they were written as normal kids not angelic memories of being a kid so what would have hit you a lot harder but when you make them too perfect they don't seem real and therefore they're harder to feel for when something as heavy as this happens to them so while I don't think it's among one of the worst movies I've seen as some parts did get it right I don't think you fully understood that fun little moments should just be portrayed as fun little moments instead of the most important whimsical experiences life has to offer though to be fair it does make everyday activity seem a lot more exciting I'm the Nostalgia Critic I remember so you don't have to 0:01 edition for college humor yeah Vivian goddammit you goddamn to hell

Channel: Channel Awesome

Views: 1,427,140

Keywords: channel awesome, nostalgia critic, doug walker, movie, movies, film, Bridge To Terabithia (Award-Winning Work), Review, bridge to terabithia review, movie review, film review

Id: 6_hN91FU4gA

Length: 29min 21sec (1761 seconds)

Published: Sat Nov 14 2015

Reddit Comments

[u/Bacoilieu]

I also had a lot of fun watching it to be honest

[u/esthebinkles]

I like how Jess looks like he’s wondering what the hell a grown man is doing standing beside him with a rope in his hands.