Alice in Wonderland (2010) - Nostalgia Critic

why spring cleaning always have to come after winter the hell is this oh my God I thought I had these destroyed after Wilson gate and we'll soon fix that where's my evidence destroying Hammer hey I'm car juice don't be upset today's the greatest day ever in fact let's give each other gifts y hi Doodles come back here you evil Nest Quake [Music] buddy oh my God man ma Cafe at The Adams Family hello my name is malice are you quite all right yeah fine I was just looking for a a black rabbit you yeah carrying a hard drive yeah and you escape from the American McGee Institute hoping that if you bring him back it'll prove to the world that you're not a psychotic Maniac that's a hard note but two out three ain't bad so have you seen him oh yeah that way oh what the hell's going on here here drink this it'll make your tolerance for overused cliches 10 times smaller what the hell are you talking about I'll forget [Music] it what is it some sort of LSD land you're not too far off actually it's Burton [Music] land oh Christ [Music] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] my God look at this place like a coloring book it's the only crane available was gray oh come now it's not all that bad at least it's creative yeah the first million times sure but the million and one just as bad as when he took over Disney's Alice in Wonderland oh but I love that cartoon no not that one I hate the fact I have to make that distinction now no I'm talking about Disney's Tim Burton Alice and [Music] Wonderland but wait I thought that was a big hit if it was so bad why did it make so much money oh I can answer that oh God it's Danny Alman what's the matter critic I thought you enjoyed my musical composition yeah for the first 10 years now all your stuff sounds like the filler music you skip on soundtracks oh but critic don't you know that kind of repetition is what makes Burt land so [Music] popular it's Tim baton the spirals everywhere it's Tim let's get you [ __ ] up hair it's Tim where everything is stle over substance but it looks good so who cares it's Tim it's Tim baton all angles are skew it's Tim with foggy lenses too it's Tim we're all supporting characters are Kings holding the movies and the wings and all the leads about as interesting as glue it's Tim this world of such uniqueness has been done a million times a dark and gloomy outlet for a ver the nights to wine and though it's saying little hipsters think you're saying more it's selling much more whiteness than a richel final remates reboots the making us a ton of Loot and anything that's new is rare and yes the style showing where and tear but all the profits clearly there and will it get old we don't care try something different we don't dare cuz our supplies of dark and D are making millions by the share him very good uh we're looking for the black rabbit and now the rendition with the Whimsical choir that can only only sing in vowels I beg pardon but this doesn't help us if you could just direct as well I tried to be nice excuse me oh my God what are you doing oh God no not that oh no put that back in my body oh no I need those I need those oh god oh Jesus guy I never felt all right he went down that way oh right then he says we just follow that road goody you go in front of me while I start the review very good he seems so nice the nightm we see a young Alice being awoken by nightmares as her father tries to put her asleep while discing trading and business I see strange creatures what kind of creatures there's a dodo bird a rabbit in a waste coat you're mad Bonkers off your head I think this calls for a good bleeding that's what solves every problem in this time period but I'll tell you a secret all the best people are so father so perfect he surely has to die soon die soon after Alice's 19th birthday this leaves her with a mother who's certainly a product of the times who is not willing to accept Alice because of course she's ahead of her time and doesn't realize that the ahead of the times cliche has been done so many times that actually makes it behind the times where's your coret I'm against them but you're not properly dressed who's to say what is proper what if it was agreed that proper was wearing a codfish on your head would you wear it to me of course it is like a codfish and now it's time for tired oppression cliches for tired free spirited whippers snappers and no stockings woo most unorthodox I was wondering what it would be like to fly oh how un civilized my father said he sometimes believed in six impossible things before breakfast oh heaven to Betsy when in doubt in sight oh much better do you know what I've always dreaded ugly grandchildren oh how very proper I don't know if I want to marry him W how obviously not stuck up and wrong I hope no other character in any other movie ever made repeats what she donees was in this film that would be Randy hey mes you have a tiwer of qu on the contrary I find it invigorating uh yeah bad screen writing 101 guys a good writer focuses on what a character is not what a character isn't we know that Alice isn't following the norm isn't as a missive as her peers and isn't going to be told what to do well okay that's all fine and good but what is she then um blander than bread I can see you're very close look you won't mention this to your sister will you I don't know I'm confused are you sure she's not a product of the emotionless Victorian era the Gard have planted white roses when I specifically asked for red you could always paint the roses red and of course as it goes all the things that Alice will come across inevitably will work their way into her fantasy world as well like the owner complaining about the white roses talking to Tweedle kind of and Tweedle sort of and of course what seems like an insane Society needing to be challenged will you be my wife but this is happening so quickly I so she turns down the proposal of one of the Lesser Weasley mostly because she sees the White Rabbit wait a minute so they're clearly establishing that none of this is a dream and that it's all reality okay despite the fact that this is clearly going against what the original book was doing why would all these obvious symbols that work it way into the fantasy be presented I mean what's the point if it's all real I mean it's suddenly being like Oh hey Santa Christ hello what are you doing here I don't know so of course Alice follows him down the rabbit hole and things look pretty promising as the wacky and nonsensical Spirit of Wonderland seems to be shining through yeah now all she needs is a script that says write me she of course shrinks down wearing a convenient mini dress that she had on her maybe she was going to play goth Barbie later and enters the rather gray and blurry world of Wonderland there is no life I know phoned in my computer generation I told you she's the right Alice I am not convinced oh I'm sorry EK or emotional reaction or I don't know I guess I'm sticking with nothing she's The Wrong Alice if she was she might be Absol will know who she is Alice SC with you hey it's not being your turn you'll notice quickly that all the characters speak to her like they've encountered her before and that's because they have yeah I bet you thought you were going to get the story of Alice in Wonderland didn't you I don't know how the [ __ ] you got that stupid idea but no this is a semi-sequel not based on the semi-sequel because all the logic they semi throw in semi makes no sense unroll the oraculum they inform her that the Red Queen has taken over with her evil Jabberwocky and that this ancient calendar which is never wrong claims that she will defeat it it tells of each and every day since the beginning FB just being the day you slay the jabuki that being you there with the voal sword no other swords can kill the jabuki oh great another prophecy story you know why are these so popular why does everyone go along with something because the prophecy said so what reliable source do these prophecies come from who writes them how do we know they can be trusted sir Wonderland is checking up on their prophecy I told him to check that weird calendar thing I made up and Narnia I don't know Beaver shall lead the way for the B knobs and Broomsticks kids with the Lion King Dune a Chosen One Matrix a Chosen One Phantom Menace a Chosen One Jesus um let's leave that one up to interpretation I don't see anyone going too crazy over that one hey is it me or does that guy look familiar nope oh okay it must be one of those F hi Oh happy day oh happy day what's he so happy about anyway who in the blazes are you if you're looking for strangeness you need to look harder for he's Tweedle de and I'm TW Carter oh that's right the ceremonial Johnny Depp and Helena bottom Carter appearances but I thought that they were talented actors playing a variety of charactera they were until they found their Niche playing crazy eccentric Homeless looking people for the Mad header and her the Red Queen We chew up the scenery scene after scene we act through bad wardrobe and hair that's insane and make up so thick it rival Hunger Game we bulge out our eyes and twiddle our fingers doing this gets us both round near 10 figures yes and as you'll notice neither of them really do anything different after Alice escapes one of the Queen's Monsters by being defended by a mouse in the most PG way possible by the way a family [ __ ] she comes across the Mad Hatter who is apparently so mad that he keeps alternating between accents you're absolutely Alice I know you anywhere I know him anywhere the jber with eyes of flame Jaws their bite and Claws their catch investigating things that begin with the letter M of course but now you're back you see and we need to get on to the F day you have any idea what the Red Queen is done you've lost your muchness juggling sling your of course his not very lunacy is only offset by hel in the bottom cter is not very lunacy as she plays the red queen and actually at first it almost kind of works because in the beginning she seems to get upset over stupid silly things like who ate her Tarts did you steal my tarts no your majesty sberry juice I was so hungry open his head that's in keeping with the nonsensical Spirit of the book but for whatever [ __ ] reason they keep bringing in this political power struggle and talk of the prophecy and that's not what Alice and Wonderland is about it's supposed to be a fun road trip of dreamlike nonsense and escape from reality through creative surrealism it's supposed to be a childlike experience not a [ __ ] war movie but listen these characters constantly talk like they're in a war movie when the White Queen Once Again where's the crown I not slaying anything Dar with the bloody big head entire world is falling to ruin we're going to rescue him that is not for all Dar with the bloody oh come on could you see the Mad Hatter getting involved with a cause the Communist flag will rise can you see the original treasure cat getting invested with freedom fighters never get involved in politics oh is that why you constantly get involved with political movements every couple of scenes goodbye why bring sense and logic to a world that celebrates having no sense and logic it just sucks the fun out of it who would want fun when there's Gloom instead that's like talking through your teeth not hearing what's said I'm wearing strip I apologize but they annoy me doing I'm going to kill what is wrong with you you're usually so nice stop killing people oh I'm afraid I already did when you looked over there what I didn't look over there damn it you already escap from a mental institution well I assume you did too given how you're dressed yeah but I'm a celebrity when you dress weird it's crazy when I dress weird it's [Applause] [Music] onard so so be lets Alice know that Wonderland used to be ruled by the White Queen played by an Hathaway until the Red Queen summered her Jabberwocky to destroy [Music] everything oh the heartbreaking tragedy if only there was some sort of warning they could have had to prepare them for this like a calendar that predicts the future and is never ever wrong wait a minute didn't they say that [ __ ] thing predicts whatever is going to happen it tells of each and every day since the beginning well why the flying hell were they just partying then did they miss the part where we all burn and get our asses fried you think somebody would put a goddamn bookmark on that section wouldn't you that L Queen's doing a heck of a job hold on tight so the header sees the guards coming thus swings Alice away on his cat which by the way even then she looks disinterested I know I guess and he's taken away thankfully one of the guards dogs finds Alice but she discovers that he's a spy for the Rebellion would your name be Alice by any chance yes but I'm not the one that everyone's talking about the hatter would not have given himself up just for any Alice yes that would be mad and nothing in his name indicates he'd be anything like that we're going to rescue him that is not for told I've been accused of being Alice and of not being Alice but this is my dream I'll decide where it goes from here oh yeah I forgot to mention Alice this whole time I mean like 80% of the goddamn movie totally believes that this is all a dream this is my dream this is my dream it's only a dream still dreaming wake up from this dream time can be funny and dream sometimes I forget that this is all a dream I would dream up someone who's half mad you know I think there's only so long a person tells themselves that they're asleep before [ __ ] reality starts to take effect I mean the dream excuse can only get you so far before your other senses start to kick in for example oh it's okay it's just a dream oh it's okay it's just a dream it's okay it's just a dream you see on top of that if she does think this is all a dream what does she care what happens to the hatter what does she care if it's her fault she has no obligations in a dream though then again maybe that would explain why her performance is about as invested as Willy Wonka saving a Brady child I'll decide where it goes from here if you diverge From the Path I make the Path stop don't come back so she makes it to the castle where again in a PG film she climbs over the SED heads in a bloody River of the Queen's victims a Disney picture and eventually comes across the captured White Rabbit I've come to rescue the hatter you're not rescuing anyone being the size of a j would he have any more of that cake that made me grow before actually I might have some left and this is another reason why Wonderland doesn't work as a strategic World of War there's cake that makes you grow huge Whoever has that [ __ ] battle over you win Mass produce that [ __ ] and make an army of King Kongs you could squash this place like a Lego City faster than you can say curiouser and curiouser it's like if mice and I had some of that cake and we suddenly came across a threat I am the terrible jibber jabber Rider of these terrible movies allow me to make your lives more needlessly complicated oh dear but no rather than kill the queen in her tracks even though she's a giant she makes up a story about who she is why what's the purpose she could bite her head off like a [ __ ] animal cracker I've been growing an awful lot lately so I've come to you hoping you might understand what it's like anyone with a head that large is welcome in my court okay whatever so the queen takes her in and Alice eventually tries to break the header out as well as find the sword to defeat the Jabberwocky tweedles Al what do you do again where's the rabbit over this oh that's Wonderland nothing makes any s wait now they're taking her to where he is you just pointed in the opposite direction are you taking him there are you not taking him there what is there any goddamn consistency in this place should we we just rename the characters the kind of madh Hatter should we change the phrase to just a little quirky but still totally reasonable as a March hair but before she can get the sword she has to deal with this weird scene with the leader of the guards played by crisen Glover I like you um I like laress wow Burton's really working through some issues with this movie isn't he next you'll be telling me he has a thing about rats so she does find the sword and manages to befriend the Beast by giving him his eyeb back she's unable to save the hatter but the Beast does carry her over to Epcot Gondor where the White Queen awaits come with me your soup y bom could use some salt that's my attempt at being funny it'd be funnier if I was funny [Music] wait a minute they're shrinking her down why the flying [ __ ] are they shrinking her down she has to fight a gigantic Jabberwocky remember do we forget our little stomp talk come on guys this makes about as much sense as the treasure cat wanting to help the Rebellion but uses his Godlike Powers just to save one person good morning everyone oh come on he could turn into Godzilla and squash the place if he wanted there's a bajillion things he could have done here he could win this war and a blink of a goddamn eye but hey like he said I never get involved in politics only when bad writing dictates so goodbye so The Madhatter is saved but they still had to figure out how Alice is going to defeat the jabberwock on the day of battle which of course shouldn't matter seeing how even now she still thinks this is all a dream thank God this plot thread has a running time past 5 Seconds of Tolerance you still believe this is a dream do you of course this has all come from my own mind okay honey no offense but you're way too boring to think up anything as creative as this I think the most your mind could dream up is a paperclip on a rice cake that's how exciting your imagination gets and yet in a confusing scene even though they all know it has to be Alice they as cool stand up and fight for the White Queen who will step forth to be champions for the White Queen that would be I no me I'll do it you have very poor evaporating skills I should be the one oh that's very big of you seeing how you never get involved in politics ghost dad has more consistency than you but then they remind themselves of what they already know Alice has to do it the choice must be yours because when you step out to face that creature you will step out alone why because some magic toilet paper told you so why does any of this have to be this way it doesn't it's total [ __ ] for a world that's apparently supposed to have no rules there sure do seem to be a lot of rules but wait it gets better the caterpillar reveals the great big shocking twist are you ready oh man this going to blow your mind right it's so shocking you're not going to believe okay you ready here we go here we go okay you ready here we go Alice this whole time was Alice going to die wait what Alice at last what do you call [Music] yourself who wait a minute movie so are you suggesting that the Alice from Alice and Wonderland this whole time was Alice from Alice and Wonderland whoa I mean [ __ ] wo this movie is pushing the envelope of cinematic twist I mean who could have seen that coming actually be telling me that Clark Kent all this time was Clark Kent man this movie knows how to keep you on your [ __ ] toes it wasn't stream at all was a memory this place is real so are you and so is the hatter ding ding ding what do we have for her Johnny you were just as dim withy the first time you were here you called it Wonderland as I recall wait a minute what was that line you were just as dim with of the first time you were here you called it Wonderland as I recall well it's not called Wonderland what is it called crimes against underland underland underland so let me get this straight in Alice and Wonderland the story based on the Louis Carol novel Alice is not a girl she's a woman she's not in Wonderland she's returning to Wonderland and Wonderland itself in fact isn't Wonderland at all it's called underland underland under it sounds like a madeup world in a Fruit of the Loom commercial I'm sorry how the fun [ __ ] am I supposed to take an adaptation seriously when you can't even get one word one [ __ ] word of the godamn title right I'm going to say it no CRI no I'm going to say it I'm sorry no don't hold me back don't I'm going to say no I'm going to say I'm push me this I'm sorry P me Care Bears in Wonderland is a better adaptation than this yeah come on I said it I said it who wants them come on come on apart from at least giving us what the [ __ ] title promises Care Bears in Wonderland and not underland is still mad nonsense where everything is backwards the villain of the movie wants to bring sense and order to it that would be a legitimate threat to their world so the fear in the movie is 100% Justified here the queen is just a jerk but as long as she's as crazy as the rest of them which she supposedly is Wonderland oh I'm sorry underland shouldn't care because unless you missed what was constantly hammered in both the story the book every interpretation ever made they're mad they're all [ __ ] mad so what should they care about any of this bull crap and don't get me wrong Care Bears is an awful movie it's really bad they do some stupid [ __ ] like making the queen nice a whole bunch of other [ __ ] but in terms of which one is closer to the spirit of what Alice and Wonderland is I'm sorry the [ __ ] Care Bears got closer they embrace the insanity of Wonderland this one is ashamed to even be called Wonderland [ __ ] that [ __ ] what um speaking of things we're ashamed of hey who he there he is let's go get him oh man stop I am the Great and Powerful Tim oh God damn it bur you're not even ripping off the right Source material you're destroying the wizard of vods you'll need to do that Sam Ry already did that critic why do you hate my work so much I'm just trying to bring something creative and new then bring us something creative and new not trying to destroy what was already fine with your tire cliches I mean look at this climax I think the only reason you allow these adaptations to be so War hungry is because you like getting shots of armies lining up seriously look at all these movies that you've used them in you're like obsessed with them hey now come on those scenes Came From Mars Attacks Planet of the Apes and Batman Returns as we all know those are critically acclaimed Masterpiece but they look so cool we see Alice dressed up as Jon of me and they have their dumb this little battle we meet on the battlefield once again that's enough chatter I'm the wild eccentric one where I come from and again in our PG film we get a rather gruesome decapitation of our fearsome jabber walking off with your head a family oh my god oh oh this disgusting oh no oh my god oh oh bring the kitties kill her we follow you no more so that takes the Red Queen out of power Queen uninteresting is in control again and the header feels he can finally celebrate by doing his dance just [Music] D who wait a minute is Wonderland oh sorry underland getting jiggy I think it is boy he ain't no paper man he really swings out with a mess of Jive my God I haven't seen anything this crunk since I saw Vanilla Ice crack into the tune of macaroni and cheese Hatter you be dope okay are you sure you didn't escape from a mental institution so Alice goes back home apparently wiser and somehow even blander sorry heish I can't marry you I love you Margaret but this is my life you're lucky to have my sister for your wife LEL there is no Prince Onin you need to talk to someone about these delusions don't worry mother I'll find something useful to do with my life and you you wanted a brain what you don't have is a diploma you and I have business to discuss shall we uh speak in the study oh and one more thing my God boring Personalities in direct conflict with our boring personalities most unorthodox so she uses her new found expertise in sword fighting and monster slay into the trading business which this movie never mentions she has any knowledge of to begin with it's vast the culture is Rich and we have a foothold in Hong Kong so she sails the Wonder oh don't you mean under where she sets to start her brand new life hello [Music] absum really that all big closer I've seen more faing conclusions out of band [Music] bear so critic what do you think of my Blockbuster Masterpiece I'm sorry I know a lot of people really enjoy this movie but I just think it's awful what should have been a match made in heaven turned into a needlessly complicated storyline from a seemingly simple Source material how can a movie based on a pointless book be even more pointless by trying to give it a point on top of that the film thinks that the more evil it can make the villains the more interested we be in our heroes rather than just riding the heroes interestingly you can make it dark you can make it intense but unless you have a coherent story and characters that have a little bit more charm than snake vomit it doesn't amount to anything sometimes the visuals are nice and once in a while it brings out a little bit of the zaniness from the book but most of it misses the spirit the charm and yes even the wonder that made Alice and Wonderland so great I bet even malice could do a more Tim Burton style allice and Wonderland sequel than Tim Burton could come on you all knew we were going there but critic I thought you liked my work I did when you did original stuff Beetlejuice Edward's Scissor Hands The Nightmare Before Christmas those were all great but but now all you do is terrible remakes well that's all part of being an artist critic I mean some ideas hit Bull's eyes and others are Dead on Arrival but you just keep trying not if you keep living in another person Shadow I mean no good can ever come of that I think this video begs to differ what no please don't hurt me what is a creepy girl of IND discernable age some home movies of the critic's room when he was young please don't [Music] well lookie here looks like somebody was living in somebody else's Shadow oh my God you are a fanboy of me it looks like he has a full corner of his room dedicated to you I just really liked your work that's all and maybe I did a few fan drawings every once in a while a lot of that looks pretty creative most of it's crap but some of it's good you see critic just because you're interpreting someone else's work doesn't mean some good can't come out of it after all didn't you enjoy Sweeney Tod yeah but and didn't you like big fish yeah but and isn't one of your favorite movies of all time my adaptation of Batman yeah but that doesn't excuse bad remake after bad remake and Alice and Wonderland I'm sure will never be remade [Music] again well just because it's been done a million times before doesn't mean you'll be done a million times again critic this is just how artists work sure I'll make a lot of crap but for every dark shadows there's an edwind for every plan of the Apes there's a Beetle Juice in fact my next movie is called big eyes based on the artist who did that kit artwork in the 60s and all the trials and tribulations she had to go through actually that sounds kind of interesting and based on another source material all right for the good of the creative mind I guess it's good to put up with some crap every once in a while but wait there's still one thing I never figured out why was the black rabbit so happy all this time isn't it obvious this is the first Tim Pon project to ever of a black man in a main role no there was Harvey Dent wait no he wasn't the main character there was Okie POI no he only came in the last third oh my God you're right see you know for a director who celebrates black and white you sure do put a lot more emphasis than the white that you do the black nevertheless go forth my young ones back into the real world to look forward to the Wonders that Burton land will bring unto you I will Mr Burton I know you won't let me down I'm sure I won't eat Tim Burton's eagerly anticipated big eyes has been cancelled replaced with his latest cinematic creation Adventure Time starring Johnny Depp and Helena botom Carter I completely forgot whatever lesson I was supposed to learn [Music] [Applause] [Music] I like largess

Channel: Channel Awesome

Views: 2,093,061

Keywords: channel awesome, nostalgia critic, doug walker, movie, movies, film, movie review, film review, alice in wonderland 2010, alice in wonderland tim burton, Review, alice in wonderland review, alice in wonderland, tim burton, tim burton's alice in wonderland, nostalgia critic alice in wonderland, alice in wonderland nostalgia critic, alice in wonderland reaction, alice in wonderland movie, reaction, johnny depp, anne hathaway, book adaptations, alice in wonderland movie reaction

Id: EWH_XT6yXv8

Length: 35min 13sec (2113 seconds)

Published: Fri Nov 13 2015