The Princess Diaries 2 - Nostalgia Critic

you Oh miss stars our critic I've never been so happy in my entire life Oh hyper fangirl being with you makes me completely forget the fact that there's an assassin watching me through with you find her he really does blend into the background after a while doesn't he like the pecking of Satan's Fulcher come on I want to show you my humble abode you know not that being kidnapped in force at gunpoint to love someone isn't don't I believe Porky's you forced me to put it but how long do you plan to keep this going I told you until we reviewed Princess Diaries two together it's always been my dream to review a bad movie with you and did that dream also involved toe decapitation sometimes okay you're doing a great job by the way I aim to please hey I think you're really gonna like it here oh sure you'll love a place around it and pages of frozen fanfiction I definitely underestimate the perks of dating a psychopath oh my god this place has everything oh those all the fast and furious movies yep is that Marvel vs. Capcom 3 point 5 point 6 yep oh this the mass arguably the most violent comic ever drawn on paper yes before Jamie Kennedy that was the most terrifying rendition known to man this place is amazing I kind of shocked you can afford it oh this one time i stalked joe dante and when I found out what he did with his Barbies and his private time it gave me a great Beverly this place is like a salute to testosterone adolescence I'm kind of shocked you're into all this well Oh mojo don't you two have a movie to review thank you Betty what do you say critic are you ready to review an old nostalgic bad movie well given these surroundings and maybe won't be as bad as I thought good because you're gonna need that mentality to get through it this is the sequel to the 2001 Disney hit Princess Diaries reinforcing every little girls dream that your ordinary life can be transformed into a fairy tale if you discover you were pushed out of the right couch well definitely not Shakespeare even the toughest critics can look deep into their hearts and cheerfully declare this film is harmless royal engagement however takes whatever cliches we were willing to overlook in the first film and maximize them for shyamalan levels no oh yes Shyamalan levels this results in one of the stupidest embarrassing and downright insane sequels Disney has ever put out and that's saying a lot giving their lineup so critic are you ready to enter the world of vagina pandering as long as I have my penis pandering nearby I'm good this is Princess Diaries two royal engagement I didn't know they made a video game of the purge actually that's Grand Theft Auto 6 oh we open with the graduation of our main character Mia played by Anne Hathaway graduating from high school Woodrow Wilson School of Public and International Affairs graduating class go horrible sequels disappoint the fan faces you were never meant to Keith as the credits roll we see Mia doing something we ironically never see me adieu in these movies right now freakin diary well it's me brand new college graduate slash princess slash non-credible actress for years thanks to films like this one you're about to see this evening is my 21st birthday party and our tradition says I have to dance with all the eligible bachelors in Genovia she lands her fake CGI plane over the poorly rendered landscapes of generica where she'll live with her grandmother played by Julie Andrews but you're late your majesty a queen is never late everyone else is simply early well her hearing must be gone now there's almost as much blowing power in those horns that there is in this movie as you may recall in the first film she had a nice romantic fling with a boy named Michael but he's been banished to the friend zone never to return wait wasn't most of the last film trying to get his attention being Disney should they live like all happily ever after and [ __ ] oh and one disney film for sure but in a product producing sequel we need more arm candy to put in tween magazines this is where Nicholas comes in played by Chris Pine I suppose is too much to ask things come back in time with USS Enterprise to take out Klingon imposters nope he's here to be the charming jerk shell of course fall in love with while every other suitor comedic Lee screws up and unrealistic over-the-top way such a fetish dilemma across places how do you obviously don't speak English this is for my party we'd be kissing by now one three one two you know these guys have a chance to bag a hottie and be rich and powerful for the rest of their days don't you think maybe a language class and etiquette class hell even the [ __ ] dance class would be worth the effort for that size of the Bachelorette works harder well that would distract from painfully obvious Disney cameos like Raven visiting all the way from the land of stereotypical pausing go yeah do you like my fake accent and terrible costume I had a whole bunch of kindergarteners make it for my new show that's so racist but an evil villain played by John rhys-davies has plans to take the crown away from her and in case you missed the unbelievably subtle music foreshadowing that fact he practically turns to the camera and announces it to the audience we should be more careful your royal highness somebody might try to take that away from you thank you so much for all your help someone like me it's actually kind of amazing even babies just born into this world could pick up on the fact that he's the villain without that being said it'd probably make just as much sense to have the movie go Oh critic that's just an eye drop of how unsubtle this movie is take for example Mia's servants in the castle hi how's it going come play with us Mia at your service I'm Ricky Thomas abrogating Brigitta don't curtsy like that how do you like it like this might be oh no no I didn't mean like you know this IRA no no not that way I didn't mean it at um the Queen vis you good morning princess she's in session with oh my god this is one of those movies where instead of laughing if they're silliness you're questioning whether or not they were dropped as infants either way you're not gonna laugh so media stumbles across a secret passage so obvious you swear the [ __ ] bat-poles were waiting for her and he's dropped on a political meeting because Parliament meets at the Queen's House for some reason another genovian of the royal bloodline became eligible to assume the throne nephews mother was my wife's sister I am pleased to say that my nephew is ready to take his place as genovia's rightful king ha funny we didn't see that little gigantic loophole coming all these years hey come on they were too busy teaching her how to sit properly it was much more important you think princess Mia Faust in line to a single friend the princess must marry we have never enforced that law a man doesn't have to marry to be king my granddaughter should be given the same rights as any man yeah the court will recognize the yeah that came from the extremely opinionated ventilating system too much a 60-day 30 days so the court allows me a 30 days to find herself a husband so that she may be able to rule the kingdom as Queen hey to be fair 30 days is quadruple the time given in most Disney movies but it's okay because the Queen has a brilliant strategy to foil the plans of our obvious villain and his nephew have them live in the palace of course giving them much easier access to steal the crown away shut up I am dead serious oh no Parliament didn't invite him I did there's any mischief going on I'd prefer it be right under my nose okay there's a big difference between keeping your friends close and your enemies closer and giving your bank PIN number to a man in a black and white striped shirt and a dark mask I mean isn't like the equivalent of saying hey here's a stabbing knife I'm just gonna turn my back to the wall and hope that nobody plunges it in there anytime soon and you'll never guess who the villains nephew who wishes to steal the crown is why Chris Pine of course spending most of his time hatching diabolical schemes with his uncle Gimli son of dawn your highness Lord Nicholas Wow I don't think I've actually seen a live-action turning of the head going hmm since watching Miss Piggy on the Muppet Show to her credit I think Miss Piggy was more subtle would you care to explain what was going on out there yeah your performance is making Minds look like under actors if you'll come with me I have something to show you I think you could leave that right there we are trading one feminine stereotype for another feminine stereotype like this franchises favorite running cliche opening up doors and gawking at materialism I love these hmm Marie Antoinette's line let them eat cake is sounding more like a charitable phrase compared to this gorgeous grab up it kind of a letdown after the jingles I'm not gonna live movie McGuirk face I've come to lose credibility in my movie to know I'll just let my performance in hostile to do that so they sit around partaking in feminine stereotype number a trillion cheerfully debating who she's gonna marry yes oh yes I I absolutely accept Prince William's he's not eligible because he's in line for his own crown I do love how one minute she's strongly against an arranged marriage and then the next she's scarfing down popcorn picking which stud cake has the best royal family jewels and in Susa of Paris yeah he's cute his boyfriend thinks he's handsome also right on we're pro with something that should distract from the fact that we're saying nothing funny why'd they include a gay guy in there anyway but they finally find a prince who seems eligible he likes long walks on the beach while scarves are pulled by strings has no character outside of being chiseled like mythological Greek porn and reacts perfectly with her having no character outside of being clumsy because well that's all Gary Marshall has in his copy right bad nothing runaway bride I guess not good said cry like a [ __ ] at the end of that movie but evil son of duh tells his nephew that he must try to romance Mia if they are ever to get the crown he finds her hiding from her servants why are we whispering I'm my ladies Bates because I'm not about being pampered and materialistic except while being pampered and materialistic so cool I'm sorry is there something you wanted to say to me you are the one who stomped on me with your big feet big feet for Kate I found her I'm not here it wasn't her it was a post I don't think Muppet Babies would have a line that stupid you see usually when I ask a woman to dance I always show her my family tree oh well you just crafty she's just jealous because he stole her eyeliner the point is that I'm on to you oh oh boy am i on to what you are trying to do and what am I trying to do is the most cliched hiding place you could have chosen this is this is Miss Honey please take us to the Bahamas as hiding places oh please keep your intuition your highness not ever no you don't hurt well I do hope I doesn't distract her too much from focusing on how to be a good Queen oh don't worry they still have plenty of time to teach her the most vital information about being a political leader like how to do archery how to ride sidesaddle and most importantly how to wave a fan we are learning with the art of the fad wait a minute the fade-out their kingdom lies in her hands and they're focusing on [ __ ] fan waving unless she showed how to decapitate a person alum Oertel combat style I don't see the importance of that well this movie feels that girls don't want to actually learn about being a good leader or ruling with intelligence and wit they'd rather have all that fame without that pesky responsibility even when she watches the Queen with the local farmers the biggest thing she learns is how not to hold a chicken a princess never chases a chicken I'm sure that information will save us from warring countries this movie doesn't want to teach ain't good morals to girls it's just pretending like it does while partaking in a million stereotypes I mean who wouldn't be desperate enough to use gender manipulation to get what they want uh critic could you hold on to my collection of Playboy cartoons oh oh this has the Silverstein collection I also have to be ladylike while riding sidesaddle impressively sneaky grandma did you come up with this on your own oh no it's a centuries-old idea you know grandma I thought up some solutions for this country's economic struggle nope sidesaddle I recall princess died doing a lot of charity work Oh sidesaddle I don't even know the name of one town in this it's not a sidesaddle don't burn your heretic unless you know sidesaddle the tattle so while riding with her wooden prosthetic and nobody noticing that the other side of her dress has a leg size bump silly son of lame has yet another evil plan princess Mia's horse sandy gets easily spooked by snakes so let's get it really smooth shall we hmm this is a fake snake gasps very dangerous that's rubber yes but it will spook the horse the rubber snake does end up hooking the horse and Mia's leg is officially pulled don't wonder she's so clumsy she's got a wooden leg I like all these men wearing helmets what the hell is that about the Queen no doubt three old about how well her plan of having the villains stay with them is going questions Chris Pine about his motivation why are you so against princess Mia being queen my uncle feels that princess Mia doesn't other people and you feel you do yes I was born here I went to primary school here I even have an accent in every other sentence I need to be frank she spent little time here since then well how can one rule the people if they do not know the people fine not so surprisingly brings up a very legit and obvious point that Andrews sucks as a teacher and probably a queen so in order to have me an O of the people she introduces her to the point zero one percent of the country because if there's anything that history has taught us it's the rich who need the most help Alyssa and I were just discussing her latest achievement she's received the Rhodes Scholarship andrew has a PhD in anthropology from Oxford Alyssa was in the Peace Corps me and Pine exchange they're obviously not fiance's who obviously trust one another - obviously not fall in love Andrew would you like to get a drink I have a feeling they're going to start her my horse is bigger than your horse I would absolutely love to excuse us Darren's do anything you wouldn't do wait you can't just say something like that and walk away I will have you know that I am very attracted to nd understands me and you Wow what passion I loathe you oh I love you it moves you first hmm so remember kids if you constantly bicker manipulate lie and insult one another it's not a dysfunctional relationship it's real ah oh good everyone keeps telling me I'm crazy for thinking that I'd say ironically you stay away from me look out folks Webster do I want to know I don't think so needless to say I met Chris Pine and he made me win when are you going to start acting responsibly when you start teaching it God she's scheduled for a very important public waving down in Epcot Genovia when she sees a little girl being made fun of she stops the parade and pulls a Jennifer Lawrence by getting out and talking to her would you like to be a princess today I can't I'm too little why don't we get you a tiara and you can wave and march in the parade Matt why don't you all take tiaras all give them all free tiaras I'll take care of it later thank you bTW the price for tiaras has just suddenly gone up a thousand dollars per plastic Ruby hugging offers what a vulgar low despicable political trick right Gary Marshall should be ashamed of himself this causes her just a mere hour into the movie to finally do something of political good the children from the shelter will be housed at the winter castle in the mountains of Libet and converted into a children shelter until money can be raised for one of their own no wait I'm sure you have to tie this back to how to wear shoes or something this also inspires her to gather all the princesses from all over the world to a gigantic get-together oh good are they finally going to talk about using their image for charity events or raising awareness for global problems or let me kill them now no no no safer Gary Hart may I and now for the Royal stunt double shut up the Queen sticks around as she figures a spoonful of pandering makes the awful scene go down what dude well I might have tweaked it a little bit on my computer but I don't know how to do this thing some boys can roll them back in again oh boy this is the most out of nowhere impromptu dance since Vanilla Ice saying go ninja go ninja go can we just cut to all the poor genovian peasants starving in the streets while these little [ __ ] enter horrendously expensive slumber party you know I'm not gonna lie this movies really starting to piss me off tell me about it you know instead of trying to inspire people they're just using their hormones to achieve some sort of selfish need yeah active MIT that does sound a little familiar hey look guys I just downloaded a wrestling video game where you could be a mutant trifecta sergeant slaughter Andre the Giant and Dwayne the rock just oh my god I am so Larry yeah look give you know something triple sho Austin Hogan you meanwhile subtle son of obvious is not pleased with how his diabolical plans are going you can't believe that I am hearing this you want her to rule after all the effort that we are put in we used a rubber snake damnit who used a rubber snake and by the way if even now you haven't realized that they're the bad guys yet once again they announced it to the audience because they just don't think you're smart enough to process their subtlety she's not the one she's marrying is he/she please try to keep up her data he's trying to steal the crown I think viewers of Dora the Explorer could figure out faster where this movie is trying to explain hey kid can you tell who the villain is supposed to be before pine has to go he has Mia to spend one night with him in secret because you know they sure to insult and bickering and weird fountain sex The Maids tried to distract her grandma while she sneaks out Frere Jacques Frere Jacques dormez-vous dormez-vous we never got to finish our routine at the slumber party so I'm in a routine dealing with you ding dang dong ding dang dong what the hell did I just watch the most desperate moment and all of comedy it will never be matched I mean by heavenly Jesus the same company that brought us the miracle of snow white the majesty of Fantasia the breathtaking size of Lion King and the groundbreaking genius of Pixar has also delivered on to us ding ding dong ding dang dong I feel like a little humor in the world has died and we'll never get it back not a lot but enough to notice a chilling emptiness like every single banging of those pots is drilling a nail into the heart of a clown I don't think humor would be the same again ding dang dong ding dang dong so our lovebirds partake in romantic thumb-wrestling as most lovers do when it turns out his uncle had them followed by paparazzi you know it's really a shame you didn't get juicier stuff last night you jerk you don't understand it's the third act we're supposed to hate and misunderstand each other right now and here's the Royal exclusive I promised of course it makes it all over the news thus Mia and Prince fiance debate what they should do I still think this marriage is a good idea anything I really want to say yes but now there's just there's no smack me to God you think after knowing you for five days and being forced to marry you there be something but know this obvious political calculated move just feels sparkless but that doesn't stop them from continuing the wedding and thus everything is set for the big day including a Stan Lee cameo I do better if you and I get married oh um did I miss something mr. Lee Disney hasn't bought Marvel yet Oh Disney is buying Marvel nothing two years later I didn't know I was Ralph Nader you're the president of Marvel him don't put him in x-men days of future paw I grew but just as the wedding is about to take place with the villain seated right in the front row why the saboteurs get the best treatment in this country Mia as the strong decisive Queen we all know she's going to be bales in the middle of the wedding because like all good leaders but she just doesn't know what to do now you can go back into that church and get married or you can walk away whatever choice you make let it come from your heart things that could have been brought to my attention yesterday my sudden spaz attack loves you so much so she calls off the wedding and because all a parliament is there of course makes a flee right there on the spot to abolish the law saying she must be married to rule I believe I will be a great Queen I love Genovia do you think that I would be up here in a wedding dress if I didn't I moved to abolish the marriage law as it applies to present and future queens of Genovia I second the motion I I if I may say so myself you rule by God if Abraham Lincoln thought up such a groundbreaking speech maybe we could have avoided the Civil War hey Congress of America I know it's just a kegger in my house but you guys are just so rad what do you say we abolish slavery would it be cool it'd just be cool just because I didn't get my fairytale ending doesn't mean you shouldn't but a wedding still takes place as the Queen again spur-of-the-moment decides to marry her bodyguard Joe as they've been having a secret romance that was secret to nobodies my lord Archbishop I would like to take this man as my husband if you please okay this wedding can still be saved at John rhys-davies goes out to Mia and whispers the Laster send their regards you can figure out the rest I pronounce you man and wife you may kiss the bride this has got to be the weirdest day in this country's history it would forever be known in the history books as the cool guys who did rad things it was just like totally Shaw wedding as such Mia keeps her romance going with pine but decides not to get married until the time is right that's focusing on being a good Queen I promise to wave fans shoot arrows and Biden parade floats until the next talentless puppet comes to take my place oh I'm gonna get a t-bone steak and watch mindless Gorda basses well I'm not gonna lie hyper fangirl now is actually a lot of fun do you really mean it yeah surprisingly we like more things than I thought maybe maybe we do have a lot in common so yeah Hey look she's got the Michael Bay Transformers movies you like the Michael Bay transformer movies uh no I hate all of them even the first one yeah no wait which do you enjoy what come on just tell me which ones you want me to like transformers transformers - the first one again transformers 3 the first one again transformers for the rise of the revenge the second first one again I see what you're doing you're trying to play to my inner manchild just like this movies trying to play to every inner woman child you're just trying to manipulate the primal stupidity that never wants to evolve in all of us did it work no we are having so much fun together that's not love that's just enjoying the same stuff aren't those the same things it's just like this movie it doesn't teach you it doesn't challenge you it doesn't care if you're a better person by the end all it cares about is that you give it attention further talk of girl power and being independent all they're doing is throwing the same lazy cliches at you so you'll never crave anything different they want to keep you in that primal box so you'll never evolve and always want the same thing over and over that way they can keep selling you the same thing over and over and don't have to try as hard well love for art doesn't work that way both the viewer and the artist need to be invested if both are expected to grow and I know what people say oh it's a girly thing you wouldn't understand what it's girly not to think it's girly to accept whatever pandering [ __ ] is thrown at you I mean don't get me wrong I defected my stupid [ __ ] too but when movie comes along plain and it has your best interest in mind when clearly it doesn't that's not love that's just desperate is this pronounce King dang dong ding dang dong that's what love is hyper fangirl it's not about giving people what they want it's helping them discover what they need and the same love giving back in return right up there well I've discovered that we need to watch the movie again hyper no we just need to watch it one more time and have a bunch of good laughs and it's gonna be the best - oh my gosh she's trying to play a movie without the systems update no hyper there's no ahead as we try to playful these NASA systems update when will people learn to read the manual you think we'll ever see her again critic I just don't know Benny no well for one viewers your popular will be the deciding factor Oh second maybe she isn't meant to be found love is a strange thing Benny sometimes you had to be away from him for a while in order to fully understand it but I can tell you this Benny I'm no longer going to be bound to the limitations of my gender it's time to balance out excessiveness with variety and intelligence indeed let's go watch expendable three while reading Jane Austen right King ding dong ding ding dong

Channel: Channel Awesome

Views: 1,218,439

Keywords: channel awesome, nostalgia critic, doug walker, movie, movies, film, princess diaries, princess diaries 2, princess diaries 2 review, movie review, film review, princess diaries review, the princess diaries, the princess diaries 2, the princess diaries 2 review, the princess diaries 2 reaction, nostalgia critic princess diaries 2, nostalgia critic the princess diaries, the princess diaries 2 royal engagement, royal engagement, reaction, review, movie reviews, anne hathaway

Id: qYA8VI4ktZI

Length: 33min 24sec (2004 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 26 2016