- [Narrator] From West
Hollywood, California, the only news team that doesn't know what's on the teleprompter
before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points. This is Breaking News. (dramatic music) - Welcome back to Breaking News, the show where we don't
know what we're about to say and we aren't allowed to smile or laugh. I'm Taylor West. - And I'm Kanye Swift. What are the odds the two of
us would be paired together? (point buzzer) Crazy! - Well there's a new
sheriff in town, literally. The county supervisors
responding to an uptick in crime have installed old-timey
sheriff Wild Bill Bronson. - He's straight out of 1800s Old West and has the chafed thighs to prove it. When asked about his plan
to address street crime, he said, "I plan to put it in God's hands and if an outlaw needs to find God, my pistol can arrange an introduction." - Wild Bill will have
a lot to contend with as the city has been
under siege from Bad Brian and the Bad Brian boys. - He's a Bad Brian. - That's for sure, but by no means the baddest Brian. The top 10 baddest Brians are, in order: Brian Mulaney, Brian Bill Hickock, Brian Wayne Gacy, Brian, Brian von Ryan, Brian Hitler, (laughing) (point buzzer) Brian Misdirected me and Brian Bonvivant. - Three more. - Brian... (point buzzer) (stammers) Wilson. Brian... (all laughing) Brian Bo Brian and Brian Grant O'Brien. - [Ally] Great. And let's not forget '80s DC band Bad Brains, which when written looks
a lot like Bad Brians. - Bad Brians, true. Great point. Wild Bill will be rounding
up a posse at dawn to ride out to Hangman's Pass. If anyone gets in his way, the Sheriff promisees to
introduce them to God. It's nice that he has a catchphrase. - Yeah. (point buzzer) A reporter asked the sheriff how that should sound to people in the age of police brutality, but everyone else told them to relax and just have fun with this. - In other news, the department of power expects rolling blackouts this weekend. Here with advice on how to make the most of being without electricity is our own Adele Dazeem. - Remember that reference? (point buzzer) It's from a while ago. - Grant wrote this one. (point buzzer) We don't need to wonder anymore. - We don't need to wonder anymore. - Thanks guys. I'm Adele Dazeem. When the power goes out, the best way to spend time is on the lost art of conversation. So when your lights and screens fail you, take a highball out on your stoop and ask your neighbors- - Grant wrote this. (point buzzer) (laughter) - Probing questions about themselves. Everyone loves that. Start with religion, everyone loves talking about that. Do they believe in God? If so, how can they possibly
believe in something they have no proof for? If not, what makes them
think they're smarter than almost every person
in all of history? If they have their kids with them, talk to their kids in a very familiar way. You're neighbors after all. Let's assume that goes well. I'm still talking, but it started a new box for me. The next thing to do is invite yourself into their apartment for a cup of coffee. And once you're inside, comment on the way their place smells. Does it smell like dog? Tell them! They might try to pivot
to something innocuous, like television. If they do that, be sure to throw out your hottest take. Like "Succession is overrated" This is Grant. "why is Soibhan with Tom anyway? He's such a fuck boy that it seems like more a plot device than a real relationship." Really dig in and insult
things your neighbor enjoys. People like to be challenged. When the power comes back on say: "Ooh I guess you can make me
another cup of coffee now" If there's a guest room, sleep there. Back to you Taylor and Kanye! - Thanks Adele. We now go to our food critic Jack Kemp. - Wasn't that the name of Bob
Dole's running mate in 1996? Another throwback! - Another Grant moment. - Thank you! I just had the misfortune
of dining a La Luna, the newest restaurant on Broad Street. Terrible! They kept trying to serve
me wine and seafood, but there refused to make me my favorite: a big bowl of oatmeal with a
lot of whipped cream on top. Luckily I have some here. - In the box you mean? It would be weird, this feels like Grant. (whipped cream canister gushing) (point buzzer) - It's weird that I can see it steaming. (point buzzer) - Its crazy how the cream collapses under the weight of more cream, so it all fits in the bowl. (point buzzer) Oh it's about to there it goes. (suspenseful music) - Mmm! (laughter) - The tiniest bite! - That's good. Back to you. (all laughing) - Jack we're a little short on time, I think you'd better eat that
twice as fast as you are. - Yeah speed it up Jack. Pick that bowl back up and eat faster. - Don't mind if I do. (point buzzer) I'm so sad this is almost over. - Kinda regretting putting all that whipped
cream on your bowl aren't you now Jack? - Nope. (point buzzer) It's actually really good. - Currently on our screens it says "finish the bowl and if anyone tries to move past this bit, I'm gonna flip out in real life." (point buzzer) (suspenseful music) - Now a lot of this did
feel like a Grant script, but Soibhan was spelled wrong and we have a mutual friend named Soibhan. - That's the most Grant
shit I can think of. (all laughing) (point buzzer) (erupting with laughter) (point buzzer) - That's the way the
character spells her name. - No, I don't think so. - So Grant did write this script. - [Ally] So Grant absolutely... Oh I'm sorry what has this script touched? Porridge, highballs, a Bob Dole reference, this is a Grant memoir. - Check it out: if that food's solid, it's not for Grant. (point buzzer) (suspenseful music) (point buzzer) (point buzzer) (bowl clatters) - Mmm, tasty. (all laughing) (point buzzer) And it'll look basically the same the entire way through my tummy. - Thanks Jack. Before we go, we'll announce that our loser this week is Ally. - [Ally] What? - [Mike] Because they
couldn't stop laughing. - No! - Thanks for watching. (burps) (all laughing)
