Body Language Expert Keynote Mark Bowden at TEDx Toronto — The Importance Of Being Inauthentic

so you've already decided whether you like me or not and you did that within a fraction of a second of seeing me you made that unconscious choice the moment I walked on you saw my behavior my body language my nonverbal behavior my tone of voice as well that you're hearing now and there's a part of your brain which if we take evolution as a given and we're going to have to take evolution as our given during the whole of my speech because all of my work relies on evolutionary psychology and behavioral evolutionary psychology and neural architecture based on evolution so it's rather like if you play catching fairies with my daughter Stella you have to believe in fairies or you have to put on a really good performance that you believe in fairies because otherwise it's just no fun so taking evolution as a given there's a part of your brain it's tits it's right on top of your spine goes up inside of your head some people call it the brain stem or the arc complex or the reptilian brain or the primitive brain and it makes snap judgments about everybody around it and everybody around you uses that part of their brain to make snap judgments about you and based on behavior it decides should we approach this person are they going to be good for us or should we retreat because they're going to be a huge risk in fact if I open this idea out a little bit more there are simply four categories that your primitive brain has for everybody else around it so as I walked on there were four potential categories for me I came on stage I start behaving and your primitive brain says is mark giving us some minimum specifications based on 500 million years of evolutionary data that he's possibly a friend for us is he going to supply to us do we see some signals that give us that gut reaction that this is going to be good he's a good person and if if you put me into that friend category you're now cherry-picking from all the data that I've got using your neocortex which is about two hundred thousand years old pretty new using that neocortex cherry-picking all the data that fits your brain stems theory and assumption about me being a friend okay now I could come on and you might pick up some minimum specifications that mark is an enemy to me a predator and I'm not trying to do those but if they accidentally happened you'd then put me into predicate predator cat category you do the retreat response instead of the approach response that you do around the friend category and then you send a message all unconsciously all unconscious choices to your neocortex get saying go and get me all the data that proves mark is the enemy to me because the neocortex might go hey I don't really know this guy and he's not really said very much that I can discern so far so I'll just make up a load of stuff about him I just make up some stories and some narratives that makes him bad yeah equally so if I come on and I trigger a friend with your brain stem you equally if you can't find any data that makes me friend you just make up a whole bunch of stories about me that make me really good now the third category I come on I behave and for some reason you think are marked potential sexual partner for me so when I do this not usually that much laughter okay no look officer I'm not trying to get into that category with you my wife's over there trace is over there hello Tracy so uh you know not not trying to get in that category but these things can happen by accident for example your brain stem is looking for things like does Mark look a little bit like me is he like me does he look to be kind of like one of my tribe one of my group one of my gang one of my company almost my family but not quite because you know genetics says that wouldn't be very very useful for us it wouldn't play out well so is he like me it does does his hair look good does it look like it has good mineral content in it so it got good color you're actually stroking your hair as you as I'm talking about this not you madam I can I can read people right from here yet don't look cool now don't look like nothing happening here Tracy not nothing going on nothing going on anything going on so does it look like it has good mineral content in it and does it have a shine to it because that would mean there's probably a good omega-3 fatty acid diet and therefore I come from a land where there's good resource and I look a bit like you so if we were to mate and there was offspring well they grow up with good genetic code and in a land where there's opulence and food okay that's why we have those conditioner ads with the little flick of the hair and all of that yeah oh there's also with that whit's things like that the pickup guys called peacocking which is you know where you've got you know beautiful colors that flash yeah again for me this is just style so if I come at now here's the important bit here's the important bit because if I come on and I don't trigger friend or enemy or potential sexual partner with you which for those I triggered that you might want to start an orderly queue just turn there sometimes it goes around the whole block but that's okay if I haven't triggered those here's the important thing for us here today you are now indifferent to me and here's what you're hearing and your mind is off imagining the potential enemies or friends or sexual partners now there are seven billion people on the planet right now what do you think is the default category for anybody new that you meet on this earth indifferent absolutely you are pre-programmed to be indifferent to the seven billion people on this planet right now and here's my problem I don't know I don't many of you out here today I mean the majority there's there's Tracy and Jennifer over there and that's always good yeah but the rest of you that they're my friends and family but the rest of you I don't know you don't know me which means you're designed to be indifferent to me right now and I have a really important message for you today but evolutionary psychology says and behavioral psychology says that you're just not going to pay attention to me unless I can get in the category of friend with you so that's what I've been doing all the time I've been on here so far I've been giving you the signals to your primitive brain that will trigger you to cause me to go into friend category with you and cherry pick from all the language that I've given you only the stuff that is good and if you couldn't find anything good you've been making it up in your head so I just want to let you into the secret because I want you to be able to do this you know with your friends and family and at work and wherever you want to do this kind of thing I think should be free to all so here's what I've been doing look you know all this stuff this stuff's easy to smile okay smile it's a universal signal across the planet okay it's the same whatever whatever place you come from it whoever you were born to but whether you're born at the top of mountain or down by a lake doesn't matter your country doesn't matter who your parents we're everybody smiles the same the muscles here tighten to pull up the sides of the lips but that's not enough friend enemy or potential sexual partner for those of you at the back who are distance from me you're indifferent to me right now but these people down the front in close proximity almost certainly in personal space or social space here yeah you are getting triggered with the minimum specifications for a predator which it's not the full signal yeah half signal insufficient data when insufficient data your primitive brain defaults to negatives I can't do a half smile I can't do a titi smile either let's get out of my territory yeah I bite so I need to narrow the eyes here which will cause wrinkles to happen here I can't flash this signal to you either I can't just go like that we know that the smile must build over three seconds and it must sustain for about three seconds otherwise it's insufficient data and your primitive brain goes to a predator it doesn't get the full signal better be safe than sorry the fine flight system would rather judge me as a predator when I'm not and behave as if I'm a predator just to be safe so if I can sustain this and build this over about three seconds narrow those eyes and get that smile and get eye contact with some people they'll smile back at me yeah there we go good that's good now what I add to this is called the eyebrow flash okay the eyebrows flash up in fact sometimes I sustain it for a long time yeah and this is a universal signal for I recognize you I know you you're my friend you're a friend of the family you could do this walking down the street you walk down the street like this and you go oh and literally it triggers their primitive brain and they're like oh hey hey good to meet ya when was it we last year no it was last week wasn't it and hey yeah how are the kids and and and after about five minutes they're like so where do I know you from you like you don't but why don't you go fantastic you can try this here's the really important one here's the really important one is I show you no tools no weapons empty hands it's a universal signal okay for I come unarmed weirdest if Darwin was right we descended from ground dwelling mammals of the forests of Africa receded during climate change yeah the plains started to open up the ground dwelling mammal decided I will stand upright didn't do it in a few hours obviously took hundreds of thousands of years stood upright when it stood upright great it had control of the hands now that's really useful I can be tactile I can manipulate the world around me but also now my belly area with lots of soft delicate organs in is not protected by the ground that means under stress I better protect that and if I'm not under stress if I'm not a predator and you're not a predator then I display this area to you with no tools no weapons I call this area the truth plain because this is where you'll get stimulated and triggered at an unconscious level to choose me as being honest and truthful and good to be around and if I smile with that as well and raise my eyebrows you all go Marc could read the telephone directory to us because you cherry-pick the numbers that you were thought were great in it now at this point what people usually start to think is actually Marc I'm getting a little bit disappointed now yeah because you're kind of manipulating us aren't you yeah and yeah I absolutely am and you say mark why can't you be honest yeah why can't you just be truthful why can't you just be authentic with us you know Mike you've got some great ideas just deliver them how you like build it and they will come what I'm telling you they are not going to show up they're gonna watch Breaking Bad yeah it's the final episode on Sunday it's a good show it's a great show yeah and here's the thing if I was really authentic with you right now and didn't use the behaviors that I've learnt and become highly skilled in in order to become a good speaker around you if I don't use my countermeasures to the fight and flight system as I'm I've decided not to do now you'll see I'm not a good speaker I'm just highly skilled in technique in fact if I were to be honest about this and authentic with you and by authentic I mean that for me authenticity is you know what's good for you you know what's bad for you and and you will do what's good for you and right and feels right for you at an instinctual level regardless because you want to be you you want to be you regardless of the prizes or punishments out there okay if I was being truly authentic with you I would not show up for this I'm not joking that's that's a reality I wake up and I do this professionally by the way so I've already done one of these this morning for an hour and a half over in Niagara they put me on after Chris Hadfield he's a Canadian spaceman national hero thanks for your programming I wake up in the morning and I go the last thing I want to do at an instinctual gut level is to stand in front of a bunch of people who I don't know who I have no data around because I can't see them and and put out there my life's work in front of them for them to criticize if they want to that's not what I want to do and when I start to get that feeling if you really want to see the authentic me the real me because build it and they will come when I start to get the feeling that you don't respect the patters anybody here has anybody here written three books on body language and behavior I'll just answer for you know so that you should judge me at all is stupidity on your part this is the authentic me this is what I really feel and here's the reality you're safe here because you've got this stuff in front of you but if I came up close and showed you the real signals of predator which are the real signals I want to display in front of this kind of large crowd I guarantee you don't like me so much now do you so this stuff works so well so I choose my behaviors around you and I'm going to tell you again because what's coming up for me is a really important message for you and if I act authentically honestly in front of you you're not going to listen to me and I hope you listen to this because it's really important I want you to have a look around you right now that isn't a piece of rhetoric I mean actually look around you right now and turn and look at the back because there's lots of people here okay there's a lot of you there's about a thousand of you here today understand this you're designed to be indifferent to each other your design today to really just hang out with the people that you came with you'll spot a few others who are like you your tribal members yeah I've really gained nice yeah great isn't it yeah but you've seen some people already today and they triggered predator in you enemy and more important you know who they are yeah and you've also met some people today the majority here and you don't know who they are you're indifferent to them and you're never going to meet them and you've got a brilliant life changing idea for you your family your your town your city your world your universe and beyond that if you've got an intelligence way beyond mine which undoubtedly together you certainly all have can't believe I said that you've got some brilliant ideas and they've got some brilliant ideas but you're designed to be indifferent to each other so I'm asking you today I'm challenging you and in fact I'm just gonna beg you okay just going to beg you I need you to be more inauthentic with each other today not just today tomorrow the day after and for the rest of your life because if you don't choose behaviors beyond your natural instincts for what you like and don't like you will miss brilliant opportunities in your life and if you don't go up to somebody today who you know at a gut level you're indifferent to they hold nothing for you your instinct you've smelt it you've tasted that you've seen it you've heard it you know they are nobody if you don't go up to them today and act and perform like their friend and ask them about their big idea and act and perform like you're listening you will miss something that is going to change your life so I'm begging you to act anything else but indifferent to the people around you today if I believed we could all be a little more inauthentic with each other now and again we might find that we are so much more than what we think we are we might find that we are so much more than we actually are because I truly believe it isn't your innate ideas or abilities or behaviors or skills or position that defines or has to define who you really are it can be the conscious choices that you make in spite of all of that you you

Channel: Mark Bowden

Views: 2,751,389

Rating: 4.8349247 out of 5

Keywords: body language, body language expert, business, keynote speaker, communication, expert, presentation, skills, keynote, TED, mark bowden, speaker, inauthentic, authenticity, speech, reading body language, how to read body language, trump, non verbal communication, body language analysis, bodylanguage, body language attraction, news, motivational speaker, public speaking, leadership, motivational, ted talks, authentic, how to be authentic, ted talk, tedtalk, lie to me, presentation skills

Id: rk_SMBIW1mg

Length: 20min 49sec (1249 seconds)

Published: Sun Oct 27 2013

Reddit Comments

[u/Metagrobolized]

Sorry man, my reptile brain doesn't want me to talk to you.