Lie To Me—Mark Bowden Body Language Expert like Dr. Cal Lightman

coming up what you say doesn't really matter it's what they see in here that's really important you never get a second chance to make a first impression welcome back to everybody we were talking earlier about body language and we are so excited that our next guest could come back on the show okay the last time he was here we realized that there was so much more to cover and he's back today to talk about making first impressions please welcome Mark Bowden thank you so much all right first impressions when you think of first impressions you think that your talking and your that's whatever you say is going to be the first impression but you're here to tell us that there's something way more important than just speaking when you're making it first a salute leeway more important the thing is is that you know the feeling that somebody has about you the moment they see you 55 percent of that feeling is based on what they see a third of the feeling is based on what they hear in the tone of your voice and only about you know seven two percent or so is based on what you hear them say so what you say doesn't really matter it's what they see in here that's really important it really just matters what you're wearing okay so there's many different situations as well right okay the first situation is the workplace yeah yeah so look the important thing is to be confident in the workplace you know calm and assertive we know we like confident people not overly confident not not aggressive so I guess the thing is is how do we show that we're confident in a situation oh yeah it seemed like a job interview right a job in value so one of the things you don't want to do is to encroach too much on people's space to look to look desperate and as your hands come further up your body and as you move into people yeah you quickly become looking like somebody who's desperate okay yeah and even is your boss and you're being interviewed and what are you doing to him well well what I don't want to do is yet say oh hi Steven I've come about the job and I you know I think I am the right person for it so please give it to me I mean yeah so you your hands are up around your shoulder exactly look you don't want to do that I just bring my hands down to my belly area yeah look how it softens my voice look how calm more and more assertive I am and if I say Steve and I'm here for the job I think I'm the right person what do you think that's an eye contact as well you're saying I think you're making a little point really important because because look what happens say if I drop my hands down by my side it naturally makes my eyes want to drop down as well okay so as I get interviewed by by you here you can see that I'm looking way less assertive and you're getting real and secure I'll get really into it like you're gonna start wanting to hold yourself and then yourself or something it's like either I really think I should have this job what do you think exactly well look what happens when I crunching up my stomach here yeah and allow my hands to hang down I think sad for you I know yeah but you might give me the job out of desperation thank you very good okay so let's go onto something like social situations this is something that's really important for all of us we get over especially the holidays coming up we're gonna be out a lot at parties events how how do we look cool for the first impression well again you know the thing is is social situations are a big pressure for us we want to look good we want to come across as again calm assertive confident again the thing we want to avoid is any of those signals that say we're under pressure we're under stress so you know if I crunch in my body again and fold my arms over here and crunch in I think I look like less of a person that you want to talk to it the but you know what you always want to look fun and fabulous at the party and you want people to be drawn to so what do you have to do to make sure besides scream and throw money at people like doing check what do you have to do to get that that your energy are people wanting to come to I guess you've got to be warm okay and imagine when you're warm you open up your body more yeah you show more of your body right so as I lean forward to like you're a fire yeah yeah yeah and I'm getting warmth from you you feel like you're getting warmth for me as I allow my body to be bigger in front of you I can't help the figure flirting with me Oh fire you're like a fire and you're drawn and and that means that people are going to want to be around you because there's movement you're flicker exactly cuz it looks like I'm accepting you and it looks like but I enjoy your company yeah you should always be engaged with that person always engaged look how my body is facing towards you yeah now in my feet facing in your direction now look what happens if I put my feet in another direction I get to see that you're having read you got to see my red sauce yeah quite aggressive socks them yeah these are these like our sock you look like you're not interested I'm not interested at all look I just want to go in this direction yeah you're off to another party what about that Stevens thing with people chatting and looking at you having a conversation and darting over your shoulder right yeah I do it all the time we are you looking for something else to to happen look keeping your options open yeah you're keeping your options open yeah I'm here talking to you and at same time going she looks nice over there no yeah it's keeping your options open and through of course people do that all the time sometimes yeah it's actually a fear thing as well yeah they might you might see people look over to the door they wondering who's coming in next yeah it's gonna come in next are they gonna hurt me are they gonna take stuff away are they gonna love me yeah okay now what about can I just saw quickly but that physical space yeah because you know there is that you know people that either come too close or too far apart proximity now this is really important stat stand up for me here here's a really important one is you will feel comfortable most comfortable with me if you can see where my feet are okay so if I step back a little bit you can see out of the peripheral of your vision my feet totally and I can see yours as I come a little bit closer to you so that you can't see my feet yeah yeah and can you see in your mind now you're going oh oh no oh no he's close and the one thing that we want to do now is shake hands right because now you've managed to touch me and now you can tell from my skin and from the tents in my muscles that I'm not going to hurt you right in any way cuz you wanna check out what are my feet doing what are my hands doing because there's a part of your brain that wants to work out whether you're safe with me on this thing it's an old part the brain 400 million years old Wow it's the fight and flight system yeah anything you have better shoes on me so well yes yeah there are particularly nice and I love those sauces okay let's do some handshakes cuz I think that's a big one for me standing up I'm gonna come to you and this is what I do when I come in for a handshake I've got completely like this and I do that I'm going to do that that's a lovely handshake because you're confirming it there you know one of the things you could do with me if you feel that I'm a little under pressure at the party and you want to make friends with it quickly is turn my hand okay so it's over the top of yours like that because that makes me feel good it might not make you feel oh it makes me feel frightened I don't like that yeah okay okay I want to put that back okay so if I were to do this to you that's a power handshake that's be threatening you you're done if I push it into your stomach area there yeah it's really dominant yeah okay because I'm getting into your vulnerable area sure okay but understand I'm just the same so you want to make me feel happy yes allow my hand to go on top of yours just turn it over oh and notice how I just start to smile when you do that okay so I feel comfortable okay okay and bring it slightly into your belly area there it's like welcome yeah of you doing it to me I'm bringing your you're essentially allowing me to be have some power and it's been generous he's being generous it is really generous it makes me feel good I'm gonna be your friend okay in that situations that make sense there makes more sense to me okay what about a week week what's the weekends all weak handshake is that I don't give you the palm of my hand okay so some people will shake hands you'll come to shake hands with me yeah and I'll do that Oh yeah yeah it's horrible isn't it the reason it's horrible again this four hundred million year old part of your brain wants to check if I've got a weapon or not okay my hand yeah yeah and unless you get to feel the palm of my hand then you don't you don't know yeah yeah so we've got to make sure we give people the palm of our hands and then they feel comfortable yeah okay totally make sense that's just like us just horrible horrible nasty yeah and then you've got to be wearing red power socks yeah red power you've got to dominate the world first impression will you come back and talk about other things like dating and body language cool dating and we want to talk about dating and stuff like yeah good gun stuff but will you come back and bring me like any times you are fantastic is so great you

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Views: 303,643

Rating: 4.8364596 out of 5

Keywords: lie to me, cal lightman, tim roth, cal, lie, body language, reading body language, how to read body language, body language analysis, body language attraction, female body language, body language expert, body language tips, communication, mark bowden, nonverbal communication, non verbal communication, expert in body language, body language signs, read body language, lies, male body language, body language meaning, joe navarro body language, non-verbal communication, expert

Id: 2rSijMXH1_0

Length: 8min 38sec (518 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 23 2008

Reddit Comments

[u/advicevice]

I liked this video because of the simplicity in how he explains some very basic body language.

[u/snubbe]

Upvote. Really enjoyed this. Another good one by the same guy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-7L8Py5NJk