BUUBUBBAMBUUNUNBUBAM *Road Warriors from Contra 3 plays* ...Who we shootin' at? Oh, here he comes. Here he comes. Watch out, boys. This guy gets crazy. Here he goes! *rapid clanking* *Contra 3 Road Warriors + Dunkey Screams* Whoa, whoa, whoa. He's rotating the chair the other way now, Ya never know what this sick bastard's gonna do next. *Gunshots* Oh my god, he just barely missed me on that one. You got this one man, c'mon, you got this. *Enemy Laughs* *Gunshots* He fuckin' sucks. "Saw Cleaver?" "Hunter Pistol?" Please, I have no use for such crude weaponry! For I, am a karate master! Get over here, werewolf! Gah! *karate noises* I'm winning! *dies* ...Tony, get the boulder. Well, well, well, who do we have here? If it isn't Joey Two-Hands, huh? You thought you could show your face in this neighborhood and I wouldn't know? You leave a trail of pistachio shells everywhere you walk. sh- shit That all ya' got? Guh, wait! Whoa, wuwuwuwait! Shit. *laughter* "Shit" *Laughter* Get outta here, Scarecrow, before I go and tell Spiderman. Huh, I don't remember ordering a little bitch for breakfast. Stupid little bit- I hate you, I'm gonna wi- *dies* If it isn't Alfonso, gayest barber in town. Right guys? Heh, eh wha- what? He's giving me a hug? Aww, he wants to be my buddy- FUCKIN PIECE OF SHIT For this, Alfonso... ...you must die. You won't be talkin' that shit no more Alfonso, huh? Yeah that's ri- go- Seems like most of his moves are close range, So if I just play on the outside... *dies* ...then he'll just come up with a new move. Bop, ooh, what's the matter Alfonso? Run outta pistachios or somethin' ? Yea- *dies* God... Just leave it alon- I'm already dead, man, stop it! Can you just let me win? Listen, Paulie, I know you just wanna go home and eat a rotisserie chicken. Okay? Just put the axe down. Ju- DON'T! *dies* *muffled high pitched scream* Whoa, whoa, whoa, get the fuck- no- uh, whoa, I aint fallin' for that, nuh-uh. You're not a nice guy, you're a mean guy! *Dunkey noises* Yes, YES! I did it! *orgasm* *laughing* We- well Paulie, Looks like you're gonna be eatin' that rotisserie chicken in Hell tonight. Now, I just gotta fight two of those guys and, uh, and there's two guys on a hill, shooting at me, and there's also a hundred goons running around at my feet, and I have *this* much health to do it, so.... I can do this, I'm good at this part. *dies* I fuckin' hate this game. This is too scary of a game for m- *Gasp* My God, she's waitin' around the left side She think's I'm- WHAT THE FUCK? This is some bullshit, No, no, no, this game is fuckin- THIS is fake. *exhale* Okay, just gotta be really careful when you do this Just gotta line it up eeEEEHHHH *dies* Heh, HEY! Not this time, I know the trick this time... Rah! Come the.... fuck on, you- what the fuck? Wait a minute, I still got some health. No- Bye-bye, health. This game is evil. Wait a minute... the plunging attack, of course! Why didn't I think of that? wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee *dies* Believe it or not, this is actually the easiest guy I've fought yet, in this game. Oh shit, okay Wait okay, I take it back! Okay, please, please, I-I-I Are you finished? Aw, come on man! God, that's too many times man, you take it too far. Where'd you get that brick? The guy told me they were sold out. This is a Goddamn sham. Whoo I don't know if I would recommend that weapon for a beginner such as yourself. EXCUSE ME, excuse me Fuckin' piece of shit crows! It would appear your bodyguards are no longer with us, Mr. Brickham Now let's find out - ooh! - who the real guy is. It's me. Ha But I could've told you th- FUCKIN CROW IMMA- Yup. There's a treasure in here. Definitely, yeah, Definitely, yeah, Defi- Definitely yeah, definitely this one definitely this- Turns out... ...there was no treasure, guys. New move. Boom! Oh-ho-ho-hooo Let's try it again, here we go. Bam! *Laughter* Let's- Let's try this out in the real game now. Hey guys, check out my new move! *Screaming and flesh ripping* LET ME GO! eeeehhh Ooh, come on. C'mon, I got this one. Dunkey needs a new pair of shoooooooooes! OH! YES! I did it Now just one, ju- *inhale* CHA, finally... I finally made it down, and look at that! Plenty of health to spare. Just gotta play this really careful. You see these guys comin' up through here? *dies* Do I get a checkpoint ever in this game, man? I have 40 thousand souls. *explodes* *sigh* Get over there! He's the guy that made me lose all my shit. See how you like getting shot with a cannon! Oh my g- This piece of shit's going for it again *chuckle* oh god! *laughter* Cannoneer: *URAAAAAH* *chuckle* No... YOU go over there! Paulie, check out these stupid dogs! Ay! *laughter* He's trapped in there, nothin' he can do 'bout it! This stupid ass dog. *Screaming and flesh ripping* What does it-? Piggy! Come to Papa- oh! God, he slammed his head on a fire. ♪ What a thrill ♪ ♪ I'm climbing a-- WAGH! *Dunkey screams* Asshole! Gascoigne: *laughs* Don't laugh! This is the only hat they had left. I think I broke 'im. *thwack* Hello? Hello? Maybe I can use this to my advantage. Alright. You wanna play like that? Let's fuckin' GO! *Second Phase of Father Gascoigne's Theme starts* Yee- come on, that's what I'm talkin' about! Come on, come o- come on, get 'im! Woo! Whoo! Yeah, come on! *ding* You have to be FUCKIN' kidding me Come on- come on- come on- Come on! Woo! *ding* ...Oh my God. *dies* *The internal frustrations of an angry donkey boy, by Hidetaka Miyazaki* ...Good. Y'know, it's moments like this that make these games worth playing. Just look at that, man. Absolutely beautiful... What the FUCK?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH- OH MY GOD What? I beat him! No, wait- no. Don't you try to guilt trip me now! That guy was a piece of shit and everybody knew it! Come on! Tony Two-Shoes! I remember when you used to be the best guy ever at this game, now look at ya. Bah! Killed him in one... hit! Whoo! I'm awesome. It's the thing I like about these games. They start off so hard, right? But as you get towards the end, it gets a lot easier, you really feel like your guy gets stronger throughout the experience. That's why y- Oh shIT! *chuckles* Nice try, game, but I know all the tricks at thi- *slide whistle* *dies* Thank you, Dark Souls. *outro*
Why didnt he just kill him in one hit? Is Dunk handicapping himself?
Nice to know other people got fucked by that asshole with the axe at the beginning. Need more Dunkleton.
That last Wile E Coyote moment. Feel for ya.
This isn't Super Mario 2.
Unsubbed
What's the matter Alfonso, run out of pistachios or somethin???
Classic Alfonso.
Bloodborne was such a marvelous experience. mast-uh-pees!
I grew up quoting Borat with friends. Dunkey feels like his spiritual successor when it comes to quotable lines.
I feel he let the Dual shock run out on purpose for comedic effect, still worked for me