I want to know what it was like the moment those reviews start rolling Tell me what it was like when you were sat there at five o'clock when the embargo was up. What was it like? So we--Hold the phone Cody Balrog-off-of-Street Fighter looking motherfucker Yeah You got some 10s from a bunch of pussy ass sellout reviewers nobody gives a fuck about But now it's time for a real guy to play the game You know, somebody that was strategically selected to not receive the game early Because I actually criticize games from time to time So are these fucking limp dick critics that don't know shit about video games just being stupid again? No, it's actually really good God of War four--wait, there was a God of War? God of War is the first game in the God of War series You play as the bereaved Kratos who was a grumpy old guy that has to take his peppy son up a great big mountain Now, I know what you're thinking. "Hey, this is just ripping off The Last of Us" But no, it's actually ripping off Up and Kikujiro and Hunt for the Wilderpeople It's a tried and tested dynamic, and it works here to great effect Kratos is more vulnerable than ever before because he actually has something to lose And his son, Boy, is constantly seeking his approval After a very understated opening where you fight a gigantic troll monster You're launched into one of the most insane boss fights I've ever witnessed As always, God of War is a ridiculous over-the-top thrill ride with unmatchable scale and a thunderous, menacing orchestral score drowning out sounds of the carnage on screen But where older titles would fill those gaps between set pieces with mindless puzzles and brawling this new installment tells a gripping story We find Kratos living as a mortal in the land of Midgard, which is enveloped in this ethereal fog and adorned by sunken monuments to the gods As you play you discover these shrines depicting the history and future of this forsaken place as its scope gradually expands Even though he's older and wiser, Kratos is still that same boneheaded fucking doofus as usual Throughout their journey, he routinely scolds his son for being such a rambunctious jackass He's trying to teach him discipline and restraint, but I mean it's Kratos we're talking here It's this contradiction that makes the game so interesting and hilarious Many of my favorite moments in the game are just them sitting in a boat with Kratos reducing all these classic fables into the most lifeless literal interpretations possible But enough about this stupid shit that doesn't even matter at all Let's talk about the combat It is brutal There is such a satisfying weight behind your moves in this game You can split a dude in half with your charge-up attack Throw your ax into a guy, freeze them and kick them into a wall and shatter them to 100 pieces When you hit triangle your weapon will fly back into your hand like Thor's hammer You have these crazy-ass special attacks You can turn your rage mode on and knock dudes around like little bowling pins Dodging and rolling is a central part of the experience You have this little indicator that clues you in to when your enemy will strike And you have the option of doing a quick evade, which is harder to time, but allows you to retaliate faster Or a big roll, which is safer, but less agressive Now I know what you're thinking, this game is just ripping off of Dark Souls Correct. There is a lack of variety among the sub bosses and a couple obnoxious elements that bog the game's pacing down Such as weak side missions, an annoying fast travel system, and tacked on RPG stuff But in the face of what the game gets right these are minor issues God of War is a masterful balancing act It plunges you into its desolate treacherous realms of Norse mythology and is punctuated by raw, satisfying combat There are powerful quiet moments sandwiched between jaw-dropping spectacle And it ends on such a cool moment where you can't wait to see what happens next Four out of five: finally the PS4 receives its Knack killer Knack one that is, not Knack 2. Come on, let's--let's not be animals here
For reference, Dunkey's only given a 5/5 to these games:
Super Mario Odyssey
Sonic Mania
Super Mario 64
Banjo Kazooie
Ocarina of Time
Tony Hawk's Pro Skater
Before I watch this, any spoilers?
"His son: boy"
pretty accurate
Finally, a reason for me to buy a PS4, I can't resist a game that's better than Knack
"He's trying to teach him discipline and restraint... But c'mon, it's Kratos we're talking, here."
Kratos beats a wall to death with a guy
4/5 is about 90%+ on Rotten tomatoes, for those who don't know his scale. It's a pretty big compliment.
what's the song at the end?
edit: Keiji Matsumoto - Blue Line (Instrumental version)
So how do we get here from GoW3 again?
Still can't believe furi only has a 77% rating in metacritic damn shame.