Bill Maher: I've Never Understood the Concept of Marriage

the Joe Rogan experience I want an ID I want to know how the divorce laws came to be I do I want to know somebody must have written a book on it I just want to know how we got to this place where you know first of all this idea that you have to live in the style of which you become accustomed I can help you here I can help you great a couple couple ways here's the big one lawyers make a lot of money if there's a large settlement so its lawyer yes lawyers don't make a lot of money if there's no settlement you know Phil Hartman when he's getting divorced one of the things that he said to me I go do just [ __ ] give her half come on man you make a lot of money goes it's not half he was crazed he's like it's two-thirds because the [ __ ] lawyers get a third it's goddamn family and I've had friends that have gotten divorced and even though they were they had come to an agreement with the ex like let's listen well this this and you'll get this and I'll get this fine then the lawyers jump in he's trying to [ __ ] you and there's no they're trying to [ __ ] you over I deserve marks exactly the plot of the movie marriage double you seen Mary oh it's terrific I was again it at the beginning because it was about an actress and a theater director and I was like Jesus [ __ ] Christ can't you at least pretend that there are people in America not outside of your exact circle they've been so many big movies you know that are just about your world of show business have a little creativity make them something else but okay I got over that and then it's just a terrific movie about there's no bells and whistles it's just we're married we seem very happy and then well we're not happy and we're gonna get divorced and then we're gonna let's just do it amicably and not getting lawyers involved and then it all falls apart and once it goes down that path that you're talking about it just becomes as vicious as anything yeah without guns well I had a friend who got divorced and no family okay no children didn't have children and it dragged on for more than I think almost three years and even though they'd gone to some kind of sort of conclusion he was paying for his wife's lawyer I golike you're paying for the general of the army that's trying to kill you you're paying for someone to [ __ ] you in the ass yeah you're getting [ __ ] in the ass bro it's my feeling I have seen some men broken but I stated every time somebody says you know they people unfortunately get a horrible disease like cancer and they say I couldn't have gotten through it without my wife I always think yeah and maybe she gave it to you I don't mean of course literally but I just mean that when you're in a bad relationship the stress yeah we don't know what contributes all the things to cancer but that certainly is I'm sure one of them and then going through a divorce like that I've seen people like like you say just broken they get rekt and it's a system the reason why the divorce laws are set up the way they're set up people think oh we're protecting women horseshit they're doing it so that they can extract the maximum amount of money out of the mail that way the lawyer gets the biggest chunk that they could possibly get most lawyers have a working on the percentage basis right especially if a woman doesn't have as much money or if she's you know the loyal come to our look we've got a deal here we'll we'll figure this out don't pay me now we're gonna make sure we get you the most we'll we'll take care of it all in the end and this is what has happened to several of my friends that have been divorced and you know what it is once you see it what I get and I understand and I accept and I support is child support I mean I've I grew up with a deadbeat dad my dad never paid for [ __ ] and I have many friends that have also experienced a lot of financial hardship growing up because their dad was a piece of [ __ ] and didn't want to pay for the children the people very close to me including my wife but when there's a big difference between that a man taking responsibility for his children it's a big demonstrating that and alimony alimony is creepy there's something creepy about like my friend like I said didn't even have a child with this woman he is still paying her by the way this is the same guy very good friend of mine he's been divorced for four eighteen years has been married for 12 - a new woman still paying the old woman and my joke was like you [ __ ] us so hard she can't work right like she literally can't work because he's a wealthy man he made good money and he works really hard he's a he's not in the business he's a you know he has a real job and he works you know long [ __ ] hours every day and he has his own business and he has to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to someone he doesn't even talk to anymore I scooted a [ __ ] guy I knew if a guy was a Doctor Who what did gel every night because he couldn't make the payments Oh God and they would like let him out on weekends to do rounds and stuff but he was it's I got a better one for you why get in great yeah yeah I'm Dave Foley who's on Newsradio sure when he was getting divorced was when he was on Newsradio so it was a financial peak you know he was a star the show he's making a lot of money right and so his yes pain I get to that we're set up for that sure so this is in Canada right he the judge tells him he tells the jokes I don't make that kind of money anymore that was an extraordinary time in my life it's very hard to make that kind of money you know I'm an actor I just the doctors the judge rather says your ability to pay has no relation to your obligation to pay Wow think of that just pause here for a moment what a statement you're and where else would we say that it's insane and we're talking about hundreds of thousands of dollars hundreds of thousands like as if he's supposed to conjure this up like his career Capote was supposed to magically resurrected self in some really financial entity is usually the man still who probably has the more money and is paying the woman yes it's very anachronistic to how we have come to think about women as equal and strong and able to do everything we can do but when it comes to this it's like we got to take care of them there's suddenly they're there it's like a very dependent I think it's a scam that setup because the men in general are in control the finance or make more money and they can extract more money funds a little turning it down yeah I mean that's that's why the system I think is set up the way it's set up it's it's dark man I mean the only time it's happened the other way that I know of is Tom Arnold oh sure yes it does in this one he's gone for the males right we got one on the board there's like if the board was like here if it was it would be a [ __ ] billion scratches on one side and four lines and the one through it and then next to it it's like Tom Arnold Tori I never a couple of the dudes never understood the concept of marriage because when people would say why don't you want to get married I'd say why would I invite the federal and state government into my loveless very important whatever you have to have it otherwise it's not real if you don't get it a signed piece of paper what the [ __ ] do you have just your feelings for that other good enough how should I tell her friends she's gotta tell her friends and he really can't been brainwashed but he really can't see she's trained you to say the right answer well I think that's how crazy crazy backward way to look at it that without the piece of paper it's not real it's not real whatever you have would this summon emotionally that's what's real the paper is what's fake you shouldn't be worried about divorce because we're never getting divorced I'm not worried about you [ __ ] you're doing like why why you're getting so upset about this bill just sign the paper okay get married we're gonna be together forever I don't know what you're worried about Jesus Christ I'm freaking out but don't you love me you're freaking out about divorce we're not getting divorced we love each other God sign it and then we sign it the darkness clouds roll over ha ha but also like humans change it's like we said it's so funny when you you could say about anything else well I'm not married to it you know do you want that thing there I'm not married to it but with a human the thing that's most malleable were like yep I'm gonna marry well the but you know but for some people it works fantastically get some countries they actually turn limits they actually have a marriage terms I don't think that's a real thing I think it is really good yeah google it some countries have like a we did this before right yeah it's real some countries have like you could get married for like selling oh I see and then yeah and you can decide the end of it we're good let's get out of here right yeah well but that's putting a level of logic into it that's probably not gonna really obtain when the moment comes because that's why you're so codependent girls are not gonna tolerate the other go let me ask you this how long you name it Phil yeah and he wants a [ __ ] term limit right my god you guys are gonna be together forever what are you doing get the [ __ ] term limit cuz I'm right if you stuck with Dave I bet Dave what now it's right it's not like that little boring he's not as funny but there's a [ __ ] I'm gonna sign the contract you'd be fine girl it's fine it's like when agents are competing to sign you and they're like you didn't read for that oh I couldn't there's a financial incentive with anything things get squirrely know what I'm saying yeah but it also you know I remember you it's funny you mentioned Tom Arnold I had him on the very first episode of politically incorrect I think with Roseanne and they were talking about marriage and he said the great thing about marriage is when you have a big fight and somebody says I'm leaving you can go you can't we're married and I got what he was saying some people like that that you have this yeah this self-imposed barrier that makes more difficult it's like a waiting period with guns you know or when they make you look at the sonogram when you want an abortion in some states look at your [ __ ] baby on a computer screen there and tell them come back tomorrow and tell me you want to kill that kid you know you have a waiting period you have to cool off you can't just leave whereas if you're not married you can right unless you live together that's more complicated or kids are more complicated but yeah [Applause]

Channel: JRE Clips

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Id: l37SWfuT32M

Length: 11min 5sec (665 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 17 2020