Divorce Lawyers Give Relationship Advice | Glamour

marriage is like the lottery you're probably not gonna win but if you win what you win is so great that it's worth trying it's worth buying the ticket and taking the ride [Music] you know 53% of marriages end in divorce in New York State so if I said to you there's a 53% chance that when you walk out the front door today you're gonna get hit in the head with a bowling ball you would either stay inside or at a minimum you would wear a helmet you know you buy a house they make you fill out 50 forms explaining that you understand that let paint disclosures you understand the loan you understand everything you get married you can get a pamphlet you didn't get a piece of paper that says oh by the way you just did the most legally significant thing other than dying you'll never do the fact that you're entering into this significant legal contract but most people have zero idea what's actually involved in that contract and spend a lot more time figuring out what kind of cake we should have at the event is a really strange thing to me take marriage seriously if you want to be with a person who is social event very outgoing then don't marry someone who is a homebody this is who I want this is what I expect if this doesn't work for you then you may not be the right guy for me it's critical that those expectations are communicated early you're not going to change all that much just because you're getting married and the person that you're marrying is most probably not going to change all that much either I always tell clients you divorce the person you were married to because clients come in and they'll say you know in this shocked way I can't believe he's being so vindictive and I'll say well what was he like during the marriage and they say well he was vindictive you know I can't believe he's nickel and diming me on all the finances you say well what was he like with money during the marriage they said well he was the kind of person that would nickel and dime everybody okay well why would you think you'd be different during the divorce I think one of the most important conversations you need to have with your partner before getting married it is about your finances chewing a prenup forces the couple to have a conversation with a prenuptial agreement there is mandatory financial disclosure most people are out there making their own money and by the time they get married they have their own bank accounts and you know student loans or credit card debts and those are all sort of important things to know about the person that you're going to marry I think what a lot of us are looking for in someone to date is very different than what we're looking for in someone to marry you know I've had so many clients who for example their their boyfriend or girlfriend has a job that is so cool to have a boyfriend or girlfriend doing a musician a chef there's something very exciting about dating someone in that position but think about what its gonna be like to be married to someone in that position a chef who works really long hours late into the night a person who travels for businesses on the road you know 45 weeks of the year what makes for a good boyfriend or girlfriend and what makes for a good spouse or partner especially if you want to have kids this is a tremendously different thing much of the time when you represent people in divorce you see good people if they're worse so I've seen you know stay-at-home moms who in the middle of a court room you know throw something at their spouse the biggest mistake that people make when they're getting divorced is to make this into the winner and loser situation they get so caught up into standing their ground that they lose focus of what really matters and the collateral damage that's happening around them the key here is to keep your eye on the prize it's my job to take your hand and walk you through this path which is very scary but the goal is to get to the other side not to get stuck in the middle I don't think that you have as much drama unpredictable day-to-day experiences that you have in divorce and family law in a divorce lawyer has helped me figure out in my own marriage what I'm fighting for and what I really don't want to lose I've been a divorce lawyer for 17 years I still get teary-eyed at weddings if I was to say to people you know what they should try to hold on to is that sense of being this other person's cheerleader and being connected

Channel: Glamour

Views: 5,393,247

Keywords: relationship advice, divorce, divorce lawyer, divorce lawyers, divorce lawyers advice, divorce lawyers relationship advice, relationship advice from divorce lawyers, divorce attorney, how to avoid divorce, how to not get divorced, divorce advice, marriage advice, advice for marriage, marriage advice from, marriage advice for, advice marriage, love advice, divorce lawyer advice, ask divorce lawyer, relationship tips, divorce lawyer dating tips, glamour, glamour magazine

Id: eCLk-2iArYc

Length: 4min 30sec (270 seconds)

Published: Thu Aug 17 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/IwillNoComply]

pretty solid stuff.

[u/kfitzw]

He's using statistics for ALL marriages, not first marriages. But these people are driving away their business!

[u/ekjohnson9]

So be a good husband / wife. Got it...

[u/newmexicanentrapment]

Can confirm, we chefs do work long hours. 14+ a day

[u/rockidol]

So if a divorce lawyer gets divorced would they want to represent themselves or would they want another divorce lawyer that wouldn’t have any personal stakes in it?

[u/[deleted]]

I am not a cool boyfriend but I am a good husband. What is the opposite of being triggered?

[u/Ingloriousfiction]

ive been married 10 years, married young and stupid , and learned alot of fucking lessons along the way .

this is solid advice.

[u/TitaniumGoldAlloyMan]

the biggest problems are that people think marrying a cool and fun to hang out with person is a person to marry. if they cant take any responsibility then you shouldnt marry and a person never changes.

[u/rainemaker]

I'm a divorce lawyer. I feel like I could start a you tube channel and have 30 minutes of new content, everyday straight, for a couple years. The editing and topics kept this interesting and light. This subject matter gets real dark, real fast, the deeper you go.